Modern Chivalry
Author: H. H. Brackenridge
Date: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

MODERN CHIVALRY:

CONTAINING THE

ADVENTURES OF A CAPTAIN

AND

TEAGUE O'REGAN,

HIS SERVANT.

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BY H. H. BRACKENRIDGE,

Late a Judge of the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania.

WITH THE LAST CORRECTIONS AND ADDITIONS OF THE AUTHOR.

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—RIDENTEM DICERE VERUM QUID VETAT?—

Hor.

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VOL. I.

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PITTSBURGH:

PUBLISHED BY R. PATTERSON & LAMBDIN.

Butler & Lambdin, printers.

1819.

WESTERN DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA, To wit:

L. S.

BE it remembered, that on the thirteenth day of October, A. D. 1818, in the forty third year of the independence of the United States of America, Alexander Brackenridge, Esq. of the said District, has deposited in this office, the title of a book, the right whereof he claims as proprietor, in the words following, to wit:

"Modern Chivalry, containing the adventures of a Captain, and Teague O'Regan, his servant. By H. H. Brackenridge, late a Judge of the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania, with the last corrections and additions of the author. Quid vetat ridentum dicere verum. Hor"

In conformity to the act of the Congress of the United States, entitled, "An Act for the encouragement of learning, by securing the copies of Maps, Charts, and Books to the authors and proprietors of such copies, during the time therein mentioned." And also to the Act entitled "An Act supplementary to an Act entitled, "An Act for the encouragement of learning, by securing the copies of Maps, Charts, and Books to the authors and proprietors of such copies, during the time therein mentioned," and extending the benefits thereof to the arts of designing, engraving, and etching historical and other prints."

D. S. WALKER,
Clerk of the Western District of Pennsylvania.

ADVERTISEMENT

THIS is the first edition of Modern Chivalry, published since the death of the author. Those which previously appeared, were imperfect, particularly in typographical accuracy, as the judicial avocations of the author prevented that minute attention to the proof-sheets which is always so necessary in the publication of an original work. Hence almost every page had become disfigured with inaccuracies, which the publisher has been at great pains to expunge. The corrections and alterations made by the author since the former edition, have been also introduced. Some chapters have been transposed, and a few excluded, as these were not intended to constitute a permanent portion of the work.

Few compositions have given more gratification than Modern Chivalry, and few contain so rich a fund of moral and political precepts so pleasantly conveyed. The incidents arising out of local institutions and habits, have doubtless, produced many of the drawings; yet it will at once strike every reader that the originals are abundantly to be found amongst men. Presumption and folly are confined to no particular part of the globe; neither are the absurdities of Teague, nor those of the people, too extravagant for the human mind.

Our author has levelled the weapons of ridicule and satire against folly and prejudice. The reception which this work has obtained, proves that he has been eminently successful.

Pittsburgh, March 1819.

INTRODUCTION

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IT has been a question for some time past, what would be the best means to fix the English language. Some have thought of Dictionaries, others of Institutes, for that purpose. Swift, I think it was, who proposed, in his letters to the Earl of Oxford, the forming an academy of learned men, in order by their observations and rules, to settle the true spelling, accentuation and pronunciation, as well as the proper words, and the purest, most simple, and perfect phraseology of language. It has always appeared to me, that if some great master of style should arise, and without regarding sentiment, or subject, give an example of good language in his composition, which might serve as a model to future speakers and writers, it would do more to fix the orthography, choice of word, idiom of phrase, and structure of sentence, than all the Dictionaries and Institutes that have been ever made. For certainly, it is much more conducive to this end, to place before the eyes what is good writing, than to suggest it to the ear, which may forget in a short time all that has been said.

It is for this reason, that I have undertaken this work; and that it may attain the end the more perfectly, I shall consider language only, not in the least regarding the matter of the work; but, as musicians, when they are about to give the most excellent melody, pay no attention to the words that are set to music; but take the most unmeaning phrases, such as sol, fa, la; so here, culling out the choicest flowers of diction, I shall pay no regard to the idea; for it is not in the power of human ingenuity to attain two things perfectly at once. Thus we see, that they mistake greatly, who think to have a clock that can at once tell the hour of the day, the age of the moon, and the day of the week, month, or year; because the complexness of the machine hinders that perfection which the simplicity of the works and movements can alone give. For it is not in nature to have all things in one. If you are about to chuse a wife, and expect beauty, you must give up family and fortune; or if you attain these, you must at least want good temper, health, or some other advantage: so to expect good language and good sense, at the same time, is absurd, and not in the compass of common nature to produce. Attempting only one thing, therefore, we may entertain the idea of hitting the point of perfection. It has been owing to an inattention to this principle, that so many fail in their attempts at good writing. A Jack of all Trades, is proverbial of a bungler; and we scarcely ever find any one who excels in two parts of the same art: much less in two arts at the same time. The smooth poet wants strength; and the orator of a good voice, is destitute of logical reason and argument. How many have I heard speak, who, were they to attempt voice only, might be respectable; but undertaking at the same time, to carry sense along with them, they utterly fail, and become contemptible. One thing at once is the best maxim that ever came into the mind of man. This might be illustrated by a thousand examples; but I shall not trouble myself with any; as it is not so much my object to convince others as to show the motives by which I myself am governed. Indeed I could give authority which is superior to all examples; viz. that of the poet Horace; who, speaking on this very subject of excellence in writing, says, Quidvis, that is, whatever you compose, let it be simplex dundaxit & unum: that is, simple, and one thing only.

It will be needless for me to say any thing about the critics, for as this work is intended as a model or rule of good writing, it cannot be the subject of criticism. It is true, Homer has been criticised by a Zoilus and an Aristotle; but the one contented himself with pointing out defects; the other, beauties. But Zoilus has been censured, Aristotle praised; because in a model there can be no defect; error consisting in a deviation from the truth, and faults, in an aberration from the original beauty; so that where there are no faults there can be no food for criticism, taken in the unfavourable sense of finding fault with the productions of an author. I have no objections, therefore, to any praise that may be given to this work; but to censure or blame must appear absurd; because it cannot be doubted but that it will perfectly answer the end proposed.

Being a book without thought, or the smallest degree of sense, it will be useful to young minds, not fatiguing their understandings, and easily introducing a love of reading and study. Acquiring language at first by this means, they will afterwards gain knowledge.—It will be useful, especially to young men of light minds, intended for the bar or pulpit. By heaping too much upon them, stile and matter at once, you surfeit the stomach, and turn away the appetite from literary entertainment, to horse-racing and cock-fighting. I shall consider myself, therefore, as having performed an acceptable service to all weak and visionary people, if I can give them something to read without the trouble of thinking. But these are collateral advantages of my work, the great object of which is, as I have said before, to give a model of perfect stile in writing. If hereafter any author of super-eminent abilities, should chuse to give this stile a body, and make it the covering to some work of sense, as you would wrap fine silk round a beautiful form, so that there may be, not only vestment, but life in the object, I have no objections; but shall be rather satisfied with having it put to so good a use.

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MODERN CHIVALRY.

BOOK I.

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CHAPTER I.

THE Captain was a man of about forty-five years of age, of good natural sense, and considerable reading; but in some things whimsical, owing perhaps to his greater knowledge of books than of the world; but, in some degree, also, to his having never married, being what they call an old bachelor, a characteristic of which is, usually, singularity and whim. He had the advantage of having had, in early life, an academic education; but having never applied himself to any of the learned professions, he had lived the greater part of his life on a small farm, which he cultivated with servants or hired hands, as he could conveniently supply himself with either. The servant that he had at this time, was an Irishman, whose name was Teague O'Regan. I shall say nothing of the character of this man, because the very name imports what he was.

A strange idea came into the head of the Captain about this time; for, by the bye, I had forgot to mention that having been chosen captain of a company of militia in the neighbourhood, he had gone by the name of captain ever since; for the rule is, once a captain, and always a captain; but, as I was observing, the idea had come into his head, to saddle an old horse that he had, and ride about the world a little, with his man Teague at his heels, to see how things were going on here and there, and to observe human nature. For it is a mistake to suppose, that a man cannot learn man by reading him in a corner, as well as on the widest space of transaction. At any rate, it may yield amusement.

It was about a score of miles from his own house, that he fell in with what we call Races. The jockeys seeing him advance, with Teague by his side, whom they took for his groom, conceived him to be some person who had brought his horse to enter for the purse. Coming up and accosting him, said they, You seem to be for the races, sir; and have a horse to enter. Not at all said the Captain; this is but a common palfrey, and by no means remarkable for speed or bottom; he is a common plough horse which I have used on my farm for several years, and can scarce go beyond a trot; much less match himself with your blooded horses that are going to take the field on this occasion.

The jockeys were of opinion, from the speech, that the horse was what they call a bite, and that under the appearance of leanness and stiffness, there was concealed some hidden quality of swiftness uncommon. For they had heard of instances, where the most knowing had been taken in by mean looking horses: so that having laid two, or more, to one, they were nevertheless bitten by the bet; and the mean-looking nags, proved to be horses of a more than common speed and bottom. So that there is no trusting appearances. Such was the reasoning of the jockeys. They could have no idea, that a man could come there in so singular a manner, with a groom at his foot, unless he had some great object of making money by the adventure. Under this idea, they began to interrogate him with respect to the blood and pedigree of his horse: whether he was of the Dove, or the Bay mare that took the purse; and was imported by such a one at such a time? whether his sire was Tamerlane or Bajazet?

The Captain was irritated at the questions, and could not avoid answering—Gentlemen, said he, it is a strange thing that you should suppose that it is of any consequence what may be the pedigree of a horse. For even in men it is of no avail. Do we not find that sages have had blockheads for their sons; and that blockheads have had sages? It is remarkable, that as estates have seldom lasted three generations, so understanding and ability have seldom been transmitted to the second. There never was a greater man, take him as an orator and philosopher, than Cicero: and never was there a person who had greater opportunities than his son Marcus; and yet he proved of no account or reputation. This is an old instance, but there are a thousand others. Chesterfield and his son are mentioned. It is true, Philip and Alexander may be said to be exceptions; Philip of the strongest possible mind; capable of almost every thing we can conceive; the deepest policy and the most determined valour; his son Alexander not deficient in the first, and before him in the last; if it is possible to be before a man than whom you can suppose nothing greater. It is possible, in modern times, that Tippo Saib may be equal to his father Hyder Ali. Some talk of the two Pitts. I have no idea that the son is, in any respect, equal to old Sir William. The one is a laboured artificial minister: the other spoke with the thunder, and acted with the lightning of the gods. I will venture to say, that when the present John Adams, and Lee, and Jefferson, and Jay, and Henry, and other great men, who appear upon the stage at this time, have gone to sleep with their fathers, it is a hundred to one if there is any of their descendants who can fill their places. Were I to lay a bet for a great man, I would sooner pick up the brat of a tinker, than go into the great houses to chuse a piece of stuff for a man of genius. Even with respect to personal appearance, which is more in the power of natural production, we do not see that beauty always produces beauty; but on the contrary, the homeliest persons have oftentimes the best favoured offspring; so that there is no rule or reason in these things. With respect to this horse, therefore, it can be of no moment whether he is blooded or studded, or what he is. He is a good old horse, used to the plough, and carries my weight very well; and I have never yet made enquiry with respect to his ancestor, or affronted him so much as to cast up to him the defect of parentage. I bought him some years ago from Neil Thomas, who had him from a colt. As far as I can understand, he was of a brown mare that John M'Neis had; but of what horse I know no more than the horse himself. His gaits are good enough, as to riding a short journey of seven or eight miles: or the like: but he is rather a pacer than a trotter; and though his bottom may be good enough in carrying a bag to the mill, or going in the plough, or the sled, or the harrow, &c. yet his wind is not so good, nor his speed, as to be fit for the heats.

The jockeys thought the man a fool, and gave themselves no more trouble about him.

The horses were now entered, and about to start for the purse. There was Black and All-Black, and Snip, John Duncan's Barbary Slim, and several others. The riders had been weighed, and when mounted, the word was given. It is needless to describe a race; every body knows the circumstances of it. It is sufficient to say, that from the bets that were laid, there was much anxiety, and some passion in the minds of those concerned: So, that as two of the horses, Black and All-Black, and Slim, came out near together; there was dispute and confusion. It came to kicking and cuffing in some places.

The Captain was a good deal hurt with such indecency amongst gentlemen, and advancing, addressed them in the following manner,—Gentlemen, this is an unequal and unfair proceeding. It is unbecoming modern manners, or even the ancient. For at the Olympic games of Greece, where were celebrated horse and chariot races, there was no such hurry scurry as this; and in times of chivalry itself, where men ate, drank, and slept on horseback, though there was a great deal of pell-melling, yet no such disorderly work as this. If men had a difference, they couched their lances, and ran full tilt at one another; but no such indecent expressions, as villain, scoundrel, liar, ever came out of their mouths. There was the most perfect courtesy in those days of heroism and honour; and this your horse-racing, which is a germ of the amusement of those times, ought to be conducted on the same principles of decorum and good breeding.

As he was speaking, he was jostled by some one in the crowd, and thrown from his horse; and had it not been for Teague, who was at hand, and helped him on again, he would have suffered damage. As it was, he received a contusion in his head, of which he complained much: and having left the race-ground, and coming to a small cottage, he stopped a little, to alight and dress the wound. An old woman who was there, thought they ought to take a little of his water, and see how it was with him; but the Captain having no faith in telling disorders by the urine, thought proper to send for a surgeon who was hard by, to examine the bruise, and apply bandages.

The surgeon attended, and examining the part, pronounced it a contusion of the cerebrum. But as there appeared but little laceration, and no fracture, simple or compound, the pia mater could not be injured; nor even could there be more than a slight impression on the dura mater; so that trepanning did not at all appear necessary—a most fortunate circumstance; for a wound in the head, is of all places the most dangerous; because there can be no amputation to save life, There being but one head to a man, and that being the residence of the five senses, it is impossible to live without it. Nevertheless, as the present case was highly dangerous, as it might lead to a subsultus tendinum or lock-jaw, it was necessary to apply cataplasms in order to reduce inflammation, and bring about a sanative disposition of the parts. Perhaps it might not be amiss, to take an anodyne as a refrigerant. Many patients had been lost by the ignorance of empirics prescribing bracers; whereas, in the first stage of a contusion, relaxing and antifebrile medicines are proper. A little phlebotomy was no doubt necessary, to prevent the bursting of the blood vessels.

The Captain hearing so many hard words and bad accounts of his case, was much alarmed. Nevertheless he did not think it could be absolutely so dangerous. For it seemed to him that he was not sick at heart, or under any mortal pain. The surgeon observed, that in this case he could not himself be a judge. For the very part was affected by which he was to judge, viz. the head; that it was no uncommon thing for men in the extremest cases to imagine themselves out of danger; whereas in reality, they were in the greatest possible; that notwithstanding the symptoms were mild, yet from the contusion, a mortification might ensue. Hypocrates, who might be stiled an elementary physician, and has a treatise on this very subject, is of opinion, that the most dangerous symptom is a topical insensibility; but among the moderns, Sydenham considers it in another point of view, and thinks that where there is no pain, there is as great reason to suppose that there is no hurt, as that there is a mortal one. Be this as it may, antiseptic medicines might be very proper.

The Captain hearing so much jargon, and conscious to himself that he was by no means in so bad a state as this son of Esculapius would represent, broke out into some passion. It is, said he, the craft of your profession to make the case worse than it is, in order to increase the perquisites. But if there is any faith in you, make the same demand, and let me know your real judgment.

The surgeon was irritated with his distrust, and took it into his head to fix some apprehension in the mind of his patient, if possible, that his case was not without danger. Looking stedfastly at him for some time, and feeling his pulse; there is, said he, an evident delirium approaching. This argues an affection of the brain, but it will be necessary, after some soporiferous draughts, to put the patient to sleep.

Said the Captain, if you will give me about a pint of whiskey and water, I will try to go to sleep myself. A deleterious mixture, in this case, said the surgeon, cannot be proper; especially a distillation of that quality.

The Captain would hear no more; but requesting the man of the cabin, to let him have the spirits proposed, drank a pint or two of grog, and having bound up his head with a handkerchief, went to bed.

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CHAPTER II.

Containing Some General Reflections.

THE first reflection that arises, is, the good sense of the Captain; who was unwilling to impose his horse for a racer; not being qualified for the course. Because, as an old lean beast, attempting a trot, he was respectable enough; but going out of his nature and affecting speed, he would have been contemptible. The great secret of preserving respect, is the cultivating and showing to the best advantage the powers that we possess, and the not going beyond them. Every thing in its element is good, and in their proper sphere all natures and capacities are excellent. This thought might be turned into a thousand different shapes, and clothed with various expressions; but after all, it comes to the old proverb at last,Ne sutor ultra crepidam, let the cobler stick to his last; a sentiment we are about more to illustrate in the sequel of this work.

The second reflection that arises, is, the simplicity of the Captain, who was so unacquainted with the world, as to imagine that jockeys and men of the turf could be managed by reason and good sense; whereas there are no people who are by education of a less philosophic turn of mind. The company of horses is by no means favourable to good taste and genius. The rubbing and currying them, but little enlarges the faculties, or improves the mind; and even riding, by which a man is carried swiftly through the air, though it contributes to health, yet stores the mind with few or no ideas; and as men naturally consimilate with their company, so it is observable that your jockeys are a class of people not far removed from the sagacity of a good horse. Hence most probably the fable of the centaur, among the ancients; by which they held out the moral of the jockey and the horse being one beast.

A third reflection is, that which he expressed; viz. the professional art of the surgeon to make the most of the case, and the technical terms used by him. I have to declare, that it is with no attempt at wit, that the terms are set down, or the art of the surgeon hinted at; because it is a thing so common place to ridicule the peculiarities of a profession or its phraseologies, that it favours of mean parts to indulge it. For a man of real genius will never walk in the beaten path, because his object is what is new and uncommon. This surgeon does not appear to have been a man of very great abilities; but the Captain was certainly wrong in declining his prescriptions, for the maxim is, unicuique in arte sua perito, credendum est; every one is to be trusted in his profession.

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CHAPTER III.

THE Captain rising early next morning, and setting out on his way, had now arrived at a place where a number of people were convened, for the purpose of electing persons to represent them in the legislature of the state. There was a weaver who was a candidate for this appointment, and seemed to have a good deal of interest among the people. But another, who was a man of education was his competitor. Relying on some talent of speaking which he thought he possessed, he addressed the multitude.

Fellow citizens, said he, I pretend not to any great abilities; but am conscious to myself that I have the best good will to serve you. But it is very astonishing to me, that this weaver should conceive himself qualified for the trust. For though my acquirements are not great, yet his are still less. The mechanical business which he pursues, must necessarily take up so much of his time, that he cannot apply himself to political studies. I should therefore think it would be more answerable to your dignity, and conducive to your interest, to be represented by a man at least of some letters, than by an illiterate handicraftsman like this. It will be more honourable for himself, to remain at his loom and knot threads, than to come forward in a legislative capacity; because in the one case, he is in the sphere suited to his education; in the other, he is like a fish out of water, and must struggle for breath in a new element.

Is it possible he can understand the affairs of government, whose mind has been concentered to the small object of weaving webs, to the price by the yard, the grist of the thread, and such like matters as concern the manufacturer of cloths? The feet of him who weaves, are more occupied than the head, or at least as much; and therefore he must be, at least, but in half, accustomed to exercise his mental powers. For these reasons, all other things set aside, the chance is in my favour, with respect to information. However, you will decide, and give your suffrages to him or to me, as you shall judge expedient.

The Captain hearing these observations, and looking at the weaver, could not help advancing, and undertaking to subjoin something in support of what had been just said. Said he, I have no prejudice against a weaver more than another man. Nor do I know any harm in the trade; save that from the sedentary life in a damp place, there is usually a paleness of the countenance: but this is a physical, not a moral evil. Such usually occupy subterranean apartments; not for the purpose, like Demosthenes, of shaving their heads and writing over eight times the history of Thucydides, and perfecting a style of oratory; but rather to keep the thread moist; or because this is considered but as an inglorious sort of trade, and is frequently thrust away into cellars, and damp out-houses, which are not occupied for a better use.

But to rise from the cellar to the senate house, would be an unnatural hoist. To come from counting threads, and adjusting them to the splits of a reed, to regulate the finances of a government, would be preposterous; there being no congruity in the case. There is no analogy between knotting threads and framing laws. It would be a reversion of the order of things. Not that a manufacturer of linen or woolen, or other stuffs, is an inferior character, but a different one, from that which ought to be employed in affairs of state. It is unnecessary to enlarge on this subject; for you must all be convinced of the truth and propriety of what I say. But if you will give me leave to take the manufacturer aside a little, I think I can explain to him my ideas on the subject; and very probably prevail with him to withdraw his pretensions. The people seeming to acquiesce, and beckoning to the weaver, they withdrew aside, and the Captain addressed him in the following words:

Mr. Traddle, said he, for that was the name of the manufacturer, I have not the smallest idea of wounding your sensibility; but it would seem to me, it would be more your interest to pursue your occupation, than to launch out into that of which you have no knowledge. When you go to the senate house, the application to you will not be to warp a web; but to make laws for the commonwealth. Now, suppose that the making these laws, requires a knowledge of commerce, or of the interests of agriculture, or those principles upon which the different manufactures depend, what service could you render? It is possible you might think justly enough; but could you speak? You are not in the habit of public speaking. You are not furnished with those common place ideas with which even very ignorant men can pass for knowing something. There is nothing makes a man so ridiculous as to attempt what is above his sphere. You are no tumbler for instance; yet should you give out that you could vault upon a man's back; or turn heels over head, like the wheels of a cart; the stiffness of your joints would encumber you; and you would fall upon your posteriors to the ground. Such a squash as that, would do you damage. The getting up to ride on the state is an unsafe thing to those who are not accustomed to such horsemanship. It is a disagreeable thing for a man to be laughed at, and there is no way of keeping one's self from it but by avoiding all affectation.

While they were thus discoursing, a bustle had taken place among the crowd. Teague hearing so much about elections, and serving the government, took it into his head, that he could be a legislator himself. The thing was not displeasing to the people, who seemed to favour his pretensions; owing, in some degree, to there being several of his countrymen among the crowd; but more especially to the fluctuation of the popular mind, and a disposition to what is new and ignoble. For though the weaver was not the most elevated object of choice, yet he was still preferable to this tatter-demalion, who was but a menial servant, and had so much of what is called the brogue on his tongue, as to fall far short of an elegant speaker.

The Captain coming up, and finding what was on the carpet, was greatly chagrined at not having been able to give the multitude a better idea of the importance of a legislative trust; alarmed also, from an apprehension of the loss of his servant. Under these impressions he resumed his address to the multitude. Said he, this is making the matter still worse, gentlemen: this servant of mine is but a bog-trotter, who can scarcely speak the dialect in which your laws ought to be written; but certainly has never read a single treatise on any political subject; for the truth is, he cannot read at all. The young people of the lower class, in Ireland, have seldom the advantage of a good education; especially the descendants of the ancient Irish, who have most of them a great assurance of countenance, but little information or literature. This young man, whose family name is O'Regan, has been my servant for several years; and, except a too great fondness for women, which now and then brings him into scrapes, he has demeaned himself in a manner tolerable enough. But he is totally ignorant of the great principles of legislation; and more especially, the particular interests of the government. A free government is a noble acquisition to a people: and this freedom consists in an equal right to make laws, and to have the benefit of the laws when made. Though doubtless, in such a government, the lowest citizen may become chief magistrate; yet it is sufficient to possess the right, not absolutely necessary to exercise it. Or even if you should think proper, now and then, to show your privilege, and exert, in a signal manner, the democratic prerogative, yet is it not descending too low to filch away from me a hireling, which I cannot well spare? You are surely carrying the matter too far, in thinking to make a senator of this ostler; to take him away from an employment to which he has been bred, and put him to another, to which he has served no apprenticeship: to set those hands which have been lately employed in currying my horse, to the draughting bills, and preparing business for the house.

The people were tenacious of their choice, and insisted on giving Teague their suffrages; and by the frown upon their brows, seemed to indicate resentment at what had been said; as indirectly charging them with want of judgment; or calling in question their privilege to do what they thought proper. It is a very strange thing, said one of them, who was a speaker for the rest, that after having conquered Burgoyne and Cornwallis, and got a government of our own, we cannot put in it whom we please. This young man may be your servant, or another man's servant: but if we chuse to make him a delegate, what is that to you? He may not be yet skilled in the matter, but there is a good day coming. We will empower him; and it is better to trust a plain man like him, than one of your high flyers, that will make laws to suit their own purposes.

I had much rather, said the Captain, you would send the weaver, though I thought that improper, than to invade my household, and thus detract from me the very person that I have about me to brush my boots, and clean my spurs.

The prolocutor of the people gave him to understand that his objections were useless, for the people had determined on the choice, and Teague they would have, for a representative.

Finding it answered no end to expostulate with the multitude, he requested to speak a word with Teague by himself. Stepping aside, he said to him, composing his voice, and addressing him in a soft manner: Teague you are quite wrong in this matter they have put into your head. Do you know what it is to be a member of a deliberative body? What qualifications are necessary? Do you understand any thing of geography? If a question should be put to make a law to dig a canal in some part of the state, can you describe the bearing of the mountains, and the course of the rivers? Or if commerce is to be pushed to some new quarter, by the force of regulations, are you competent to decide in such a case? There will be questions of law, and astronomy on the carpet. How you must gape and stare like a fool, when you come to be asked your opinion on these subjects! Are you acquainted with the abstract principles of finance; with the funding public securities; the ways and means of raising the revenue; providing for the discharge of the public debts, and all other things which respect the economy of the government? Even if you had knowledge, have you a facility of speaking? I would suppose you would have too much pride to go to the house just to say, ay, or no. This is not the fault of your nature, but of your education; having been accustomed to dig turf in your early years, rather than instructing yourself in the classics, or common school books.

When a man becomes a member of a public body, he is like a racoon, or other beast that climbs up the fork of a tree; the boys pushing at him with pitchforks, or throwing stones or shooting at him with an arrow, the dogs barking in the mean time. One will find fault with your not speaking; another with your speaking, if you speak at all. They will put you in the newspapers, and ridicule you as a perfect beast. There is what they call the caricatura; that is, representing you with a dog's head, or a cat's claw. As you have a red head, they will very probably make a fox of you, or a sorrel horse, or a brindled cow. It is the devil in hell to be exposed to the squibs and crackers of the gazette wits and publications. You know no more about these matters than a goose; and yet you would undertake rashly, without advice, to enter on the office; nay, contrary to advice. For I would not for a thousand guineas, though I have not the half to spare, that the breed of the O'Regans should come to this; bringing on them a worse stain than stealing sheep; to which they are addicted. You have nothing but your character, Teague, in a new country to depend upon. Let it never be said, that you quitted an honest livelihood, the taking care of my horse, to follow the new fangled whims of the times, and be a statesman.

Teague was moved chiefly with the last part of the address, and consented to relinquish his pretensions.

The Captain, glad of this, took him back to the people, and announced his disposition to decline the honour which they had intended him.

Teague acknowledged that he had changed his mind, and was willing to remain in a private station.

The people did not seem well pleased with the Captain; but as nothing more could be said about the matter, they turned their attention to the weaver, and gave him their suffrages.

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CHAPTER IV.

THE Captain leaving this place, proceeded on his way; and at the distance of a mile or two met a man with a bridle in his hand; who had lost a horse, and had been at a conjuror's to make inquiry, and recover his property.

It struck the mind of the Captain to go to this conjuring person, and make a demand of him, why it was that the multitude were so disposed to elevate the low to the highest station. He had rode but about a mile, when the habitation of the conjuror, by the direction and description which the man who had lost the horse had given, began to be in view. Coming up to the door, and inquiring if that was not where conjuror Kolt lived, they were answered, yes. Accordingly alighting, and entering the domicile, all those things took place which usually happen, or are described in cases of this nature, viz. there was the conjuror's assistant, who gave the Captain to understand that the master had withdrawn a little, but would be in shortly.

In the mean time, the assistant endeavoured to draw from him some account of the occasion of his journey; which the other readily communicated; and the conjurer, who was listening through a crack in the partition, overheard. Finding it was not a horse or a cow, or a piece of linen that was lost, but an abstract question of political philosophy which was to be put, he came from his lurking place, and entered, as if not knowing that any person had been waiting for him.

After mutual salutations, the Captain gave him to understand the object which he had in view by calling on him.

Said the conjurer, this lies not at all in my way. If it had been a dozen of spoons, or a stolen watch, that you had to look for, I could very readily, by the assistance of my art, have assisted you in the recovery; but as to this matter of men's imaginations and attachments in political affairs, I have no more understanding than another man.

It is very strange, said the Captain, that you who can tell by what means a thing is stolen, and the place where it is deposited, though at a thousand miles distance, should know so little of what is going on in the breast of man, as not to be able to develope his secret thoughts, and the motives of his actions.

It is not of our business, said the other; but should we undertake it, I do not see that it would be very difficult to explain all that puzzles you at present. There is no need of a conjurer to tell why it is that the common people are more disposed to trust one of their own class, than those who may affect to be superior. Besides, there is a certain pride in man, which leads him to elevate the low, and pull down the high. There is a kind of creating power exerted in making a senator of an unqualified person: which when the author has done, he exults over the work, and like the Creator himself when he made the world, sees that "it is very good." Moreover, there is in every government a patrician class against whom the spirit of the multitude naturally militates: and hence a perpetual war: the aristocrats endeavouring to detrude the people, and the people contending to obtrude themselves. And it is right it should be so; for by this fermentation, the spirit of democracy is kept alive.

Captain, thanking him for his information, asked him what was to pay; at the same time pulling out half a crown from a green silk purse which he had in his breeches pocket. The conjurer gave him to understand, that as the solution of these difficulties was not within his province, he took nothing for it. The Captain expressing his sense of his disinterested service, bade him adieu.

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CHAPTER V.

Containing Reflections.

A DEMOCRACY is beyond all question the freest government; because under this, every man is equally protected by the laws, and has equally a voice in making them. But I do not say an equal voice; because some men have stronger lungs than others, and can express more forcibly their opinions of public affairs. Others, though they may not speak very loud, yet have a faculty of saying more in a short time; and even in the case of others, who speak little or none at all, yet what they do say containing good sense, comes with greater weight, so that all things considered, every citizen has not, in this sense of the word, an equal voice. But the right being equal, what great harm if it is unequally exercised? Is it necessary that every man should become a statesman? No more than that every man should become a poet or a painter. The sciences, are open to all; but let him only who has taste and genius pursue them. "If any man covets the office of a bishop," says St. Paul, "he covets a good work." But again, he adds this caution, "Ordain not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride, he falls into the condemnation of the devil." It is indeed making a devil of a man to lift him up to a state to which he is not suited. A ditcher is a respectable character, with his over-alls on, and a spade in his hand, but put the same man to those offices which require the head, whereas he has been accustomed to impress with his foot, and there appears a contrast between the individual and the occupation.

There are individuals in society, who prefer honour to wealth; or cultivate political studies as a branch of literary pursuits; and offer themselves to serve public bodies in order to have an opportunity of discovering their knowledge, and exercising their judgment. It must be a matter of chagrin to these, and hurtful to the public, to see those who have no talent this way, and ought to have no taste, preposterously obtrude themselves upon the government. It is the same as if a brick-layer should usurp the office of a tailor, and come with his square and perpendicular, to take the measure of a pair of breeches.

It is proper that those who cultivate oratory, should go to the house of orators. But for an Ay and No man to be ambitious of that place, is to sacrifice his credit to his vanity.

I would not mean to insinuate that legislators are to be selected from the more wealthy of the citizens, yet a man's circumstances ought to be such as afford him leisure for study and reflection. There is often wealth without taste or talent. I have no idea, that because a man lives in a great house and has a cluster of bricks or stones about his backside, that he is therefore fit for a legislator. There is so much pride and arrogance with those who consider themselves the first in a government, that it deserves to be checked by the populace, and the evil most usually commences on this side. Men associate with their own persons, the adventitious circumstances of birth and fortune: so that a fellow blowing with fat and repletion, conceives himself superior to the poor lean man, that lodges in an inferior mansion. But as in all cases, so in this, there is a medium. Genius and virtue are independent of rank and fortune; and it is neither the opulent, nor the indigent, but the man of ability and integrity that ought to be called forth to serve his country, and while, on the one hand, the aristocratic part of the government, arrogates a right to represent; on the other hand, the democratic contends the point; and from this conjunction and opposition of forces, there is produced a compound resolution, which carries the object in an intermediate direction. When we see therefore, a Teague O'Regan lifted up, the philosopher will reflect, that it is to balance some purse-proud fellow, equally as ignorant, that comes down from the sphere of aristocratic interest.

But every man ought to consider for himself, whether it is his use to be this drawback, on either side. For as when good liquor is to be distilled, you throw in some material useless in itself to correct the effervescence of the spirit; so it may be his part to act as a sedative. For though we commend the effect, yet still the material retains but its original value.

But as the nature of things is such, let no man who means well to the commonwealth, and offers to serve it, be hurt in his mind when some one of meaner talents is preferred. The people are a sovereign, and greatly despotic; but in the main, just.

It might be advisable, in order to elevate the composition, to make quotations from the Greek and Roman history. And I am conscious to myself, that I have read the writers on the government of Italy and Greece, in ancient, as well as in modern times. But I have drawn a great deal more from reflection on the nature of things, than from all the writings I have ever read. Nay, the history of the election, which I have just given, will afford a better lesson to the American mind, than all that is to be found in other examples. We have seen here, a weaver a favoured candidate, and in the next instance, a bog-trotter superseding him. Now it may be said, that this is fiction; but fiction or no fiction, the nature of the thing will make it a reality. But I return to the adventures of the Captain, whom I have upon my hands; and who, as far as I can yet discover, is a good honest man; and means what is benevolent and useful; though his ideas may not comport with the ordinary manner of thinking, in every particular.

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CHAPTER VI.

THERE was, in a certain great city, a society who called themselves Philosophers. They had published books, under the title of Transactions. These contained dissertations on the nature and causes of things, from the stars of the heaven to the fire-flies of the earth; and from the sea-crab, to the woodland buffaloe. Such disquisitions, are doubtless useful and entertaining to an inquisitive mind.

There is no question, but there were in this body some very great men; whose investigations of the arcana of nature, deserve attention. But so it was, there had been introduced, by some means, many individuals, who were no philosophers at all. This is no unusual thing with institutions of this nature; though, by the bye, it is a very great fault. For it lessens the incentives of honour, to have the access made so easy, that every one may obtain admission. It has been a reproach to some colleges, that a diploma could be purchased for half a crown. This society were still more moderate; for the bare scratching the posteriors of a member has been known to procure a membership. At least, there have been those admitted, who appeared capable of nothing else.

Nevertheless, it was necessary, even in these cases, for the candidates to procure some token of a philosophic turn of mind; such as the skin of a dead cat, or some odd kind of a mouse-trap; or have phrases in their mouths, about minerals and petrifactions; so as just to support some idea of natural knowledge, and pass muster. There was one who got in, by finding, accidentally, the tail of a rabbit, which had been taken off in a boy's trap. Another by means of a squirrel's scalp, which he had taken care to stretch and dry on a bit of osier, bended in the form of a hoop. The beard of an old fox, taken off and dried in the sun, was the means of introducing one whom I knew very well: or rather, as I have already hinted, it was beforehand intended he should be introduced; and these exuviæ, or spoils of the animal kingdom, were but the tokens and apologies for admission.

It happened as the Captain was riding this day, and Teague trotting after him, he saw a large owl, that had been shot by some body, and was placed in the crutch of a tree, about the height of a man's head from the ground, for those that passed by to look at. The Captain being struck with it, as somewhat larger than such birds usually are, desired Teague to reach it to him; and tying it to the hinder part of his saddle, rode along.

Passing by the house of one who belonged to the society, the bird was noticed at the saddle-skirts, and the philosopher coming out, made enquiry with regard to the genus and nature of the fowl. Said the Captain, I know nothing more about it, than that it is nearly as large as a turkey buzzard. It is doubtless, said the other, the great Canada owl, that comes from the Lakes; and if your honour will give me leave, I will take it and submit it to the society, and have yourself made a member. As to the first, the Captain consented; but as to the last, the being a member, he chose rather to decline it; conceiving himself unqualified for a place in such a body. The other assured him that he was under a very great mistake; for there were persons there who scarcely knew a B from a bull's foot. That may be, said the Captain: but if others chuse to degrade themselves, by suffering their names to be used in so preposterous a way as that, it was no reason that he should.

The other gave him to understand, that the society would certainly wish to express their sense of his merit, and show themselves not inattentive to a virtuoso; that as he declined the honour himself, he probably might not be averse to let his servant take a seat among them.

He is but a simple Irishman, said the Captain, and of a low education; his language being that spoken by the aborigines of his country. And if he speaks a little English, it is with the brogue on his tongue; which would be unbecoming in a member of your body. It would seem to me that a philosopher ought to know how to write, or at least to read; but Teague can neither write nor read. He can sing a song or whistle an Irish tune; but is totally illiterate in all things else. I question much if he could tell you how many new moons there are in the year; or any the most common thing that you could ask him. He is a long-legged fellow, it is true; and might be of service in clambering over rocks, or going to the shores of rivers to gather curiosities. But could you not get persons to do this, without making them members? I have more respect for science, than to suffer this bog-trotter to be so advanced at its expense.

In these American states, there is a wide field for philosophic research; and these researches may be of great use in agriculture, mechanics, and astronomy. There is but little immediate profit attending these pursuits; but if there can be inducements of honour, these may supply the place. What more alluring to a young man, than the prospect of being, one day, received into the society of men truly learned; the admission being a test and a proof of distinguished knowledge. But the fountain of honour, thus contaminated by a sediment foreign from its nature, who would wish to drink of it?

Said the philosopher, at the first institution of the society by Dr. Franklin and others, it was put upon a narrow basis, and only men of science were considered proper to compose it; and this might be a necessary policy at that time, when the institution was in its infancy, and could not bear much drawback of ignorance. But it has not been judged so necessary of late years. The matter stands now on a broad and catholic bottom; and like the gospel itself, it is our orders, "to go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in." There are hundreds, whose names you may see on our list, who are not more instructed than this lad of yours.

They must be a sad set indeed then, said the Captain.

Sad or no sad, said the other, it is the case; and if you will let Teague go, I will engage him a membership.

I take it very ill of you, Mr. Philosopher, said the Captain, to put this nonsense in his head. If you knew what trouble I have lately had with a parcel of people that were for sending him to Congress, you would be unwilling to draw him from me for the purpose of making him a philosopher. It is not an easy matter to get hirelings now a-days; and when you do get one, it is a mere chance, whether he is faithful, and will suit your purpose. It would be a very great loss to me, to have him taken off at this time, when I have equipped myself for a journey.

Teague was a good deal incensed at this refusal of his master, and insisted that he would be a philosopher. You are an ignoramus, said the Captain. It is not the being among philosophers, will make you one.

Teague insisted that he had a right to make the best of his fortune: and as there was a door open to his advancement he did not see why he might not make use of it.

The Captain finding that it answered no end to dispute the matter with him, by words of sense and reason, took a contrary way to manage him.

Teague, said he, I have a regard for you, and would wish to see you do well. But before you take this step, I would wish to speak a word or two in private. If you will go, I may perhaps suggest some things that may be of service to you, for your future conduct in that body.

Teague consenting, they stepped aside; and the Captain addressed him in the following manner:

Teague, said he, do you know what you are about? It is a fine thing at first sight, to be a philosopher, and get into this body. And indeed, if you were a real philosopher, it might be some honour, and also safe, to take that leap. But do you think it is to make a philosopher of you that they want you? Far from it. It is their great study to find curiosities; and because this man saw you coming after me, with a red head, trotting like an Esquimaux Indian, it has struck his mind to pick you up, and pass you for one. Nay, it is possible, they may intend worse; and when they have examined you awhile, take the skin off you, and pass you for an overgrown otter, or a musk-rat; or some outlandish animal, for which they will themselves invent a name. If you were at the museum of one of these societies, to observe the quantity of skins and skeletons they have, you might be well assured they did not come by them honestly. I know so much of these people, that I am well persuaded they would think no more of throwing you into a kettle of boiling water, than they would a terrapin; and having scraped you out to a shell, present you as the relics of an animal they had procured at an immense price, from some Guinea merchant. Or if they should not at once turn you to this use, how, in the mean time, will they dispose of you? They will have you away through the bogs and marshes, catching flies and mire-snipes; or send you to the woods to bring a polecat; or oblige you to descend into draw-wells for fog, and phlogistic air, and the Lord knows what. You must go into wolves dens, and catch bears by the tail: run over mountains like an oppossum, and dig the earth like a ground-hog. You will have to climb over trees, and be bit by flying squirrels. There will be no end to the musquetoes you will have to dissect. What is all this to diving into mill-dams and rivers, to catch craw-fish? Or if you go to the ocean, there are alligators to devour you like a cat-fish. Who knows but it may come your turn, in a windy night, to go aloft to the heavens, to rub down the stars, and give the goats and rams that are there, fodder. The keeping the stars clean, is a laborious work: a great deal worse than scouring andirons, or brass kettles. There is a bull there, would think no more of tossing you on his horns than he would a puppy dog. If the crab should get you in his claws, he would squeeze you like a lobster. But what is all that to your having no place to stand on? How would you like to be up at the moon, and to fall down when you had missed your hold, like a boy from the topmast of a ship, and have your brains beat out upon the top of some great mountain; where the devil might take your skeleton and give it to the turkey buzzards?

Or if they should, in the mean time, excuse you from such out of door services, they will rack and torture you with hard questions. You must tell them how long the rays of light are coming from the sun, how many drops of rain fall in a thunder-gust; what makes the grasshopper chirp when the sun is hot; how muscle-shells get up to the top of the mountains; how the Indians got over to America. You will have to prove that the negroes were once white; and that their flat noses came by some cause in the compass of human means to produce. These are puzzling questions; and yet you must solve them all. Take my advice, and stay where you are. Many men have ruined themselves by their ambition, and made bad worse. There is another kind of philosophy, which lies more within your sphere; that is moral philosophy. Every hostler or hireling can study this, and you have the most excellent opportunity of acquiring this knowledge in our traverses through the country, or communications at the different taverns or villages, where we may happen to sojourn.

Teague had long ago given up, in his mind, all thoughts of the society, and would not for the world have any more to do with it; therefore, without bidding the philosopher adieu, they pursued their route as usual.

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CHAPTER VII.

Containing Observations.

THE institution of the American Philosophical Society, does great honor to the founders: and what has been published by that body, comes not behind what has appeared from societies of the same nature elsewhere. But of late years, it has ceased to be presumptive evidence, at least what the lawyers call violent presumption, of philosophical attainments, to be a member; owing to the spurious brood of illiterate persons that have been admitted indiscriminately with the informed; this again owing to a political dispute in the government where this society exists. For where there are parties in a commonwealth, they naturally subdivide themselves, and are found even in the retreats of the muses. It has become the question with this society, not whether a man is a philosopher or not, but what part he has taken in some question on the carpet. The body conceived itself to pay a compliment to the person admitted, as if it could be any honor to a man to be announced what he is not. The contrary is the case here. For as honour is the acknowledgment which the world makes of a man's respectability, there can be no honour here; for it has became a mere matter of moon-shine to be a member. To be, or not to be, that is the question; but so trifling, that it is scarcely ever made. The way to remedy this, would be, to have an over-hauling of the house, and derange at least three parts in four. As in the case of Tarquin, and the three remaining books of the Sybils, you would receive as much for the fourth part of that body, should you set them up at market, as for the whole at present.

I have often reflected with myself, what an honour it must be, to be one of the society of the French academy; forty, of twenty-four millions of people, are selected in consequence of literary characters already established.

I recollect the time when I had high ideas of philosophical membership in America. But it does not appear to me now to be the highest thing that a man could wish, since even a common Teague O'Regan, trotting on the high-way, has been solicited to take a seat. It may be said, that this is an exaggeration of the facts; and can be considered only as burlesque. I profess it is not intended as such, but as a fair picture of what has taken place. Should it be considered in the light of burlesque, it must be a very lame one; because where there is no excess there can be no caricatura. But omitting all apologies and explanations, let the matter rest where it is.

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CHAPTER VIII.

IT was somewhat late when the Captain arrived at an inn this evening. There was there, before him, a young clergyman, who had been preaching that day to a neighbouring congregation; but had not as usual gone home with an elder; but had come thus far on his way towards another place, where he was to preach the next day.

The Captain entering into conversation with the clergyman, sat up pretty late. The subject was what might be expected; viz. the affairs of religion and the church. The clergyman was a good young man; but with a leaning to fanaticism, and being righteous over much. The Captain on the other hand, somewhat sceptical in his notions of religion: Hence, a considerable opposition of sentiment between the two. But at length, drowsiness seizing both, candles were called for, and they went to bed.

It was about an hour or two after, when an uproar was heard in a small chamber to the left of the stair-case which led to the floor on which they slept. It was Teague, who had got to bed to the girl of the house. For as they would neither let him go to Congress, nor be a philosopher, he must be doing something. The girl not being apprized, or not chusing his embraces, made a great outcry and lamentation. The clergyman, who slept in an adjoining chamber and hearing this, out of the zeal of his benevolence and humanity, leaped out of bed in his shirt, and ran in to see what was the cause of the disturbance. The Captain also jumping up, followed soon after, and was scarcely in the chamber, before the landlord coming up with a candle, found them all together.

The maid gave this account of the matter,—That between sleeping and waking she felt a man's hand lifting up the bed clothes; upon which she called out murder. But whether it was any body there present, or some one else, she could not tell.

Teague, whose natural parts were not bad, and presence of mind considerable, instantly adopted the expedient to throw the matter on the clergyman. By shaint Patrick, said he, I was aslape in my own bed, as sound as de shates dat were about me, when I heard de sound of dis crature's voice crying out like a shape in a pasture; and when after I had heard, aslape as I was, and come here, I found dis praste, who was so holy, and praching all night, upon de top of de bed, wid his arms round dis young crature's neck; and if I had not given him a twitch by de nose, and bid him lie over, dear honey, he would have ravished her virginity, and murdered her, save her soul, and de paple of de house not de wiser for it.

The clergyman stared with his mouth open; for the palpable nature of the falshood, had shocked him beyond the power of speech.

But the landlady, who in the mean time had come up, and had heard what Teague had said, was enraged, and could supply speech for them both. Hey! said she, this comes of your preaching and praying, Mr. Minister. I have lodged many a gentleman, but never had such doings here before. It is a pretty story that a minister of the gospel should be the first to bring a scandal upon the house.

The Captain interrupted her, and told her there was no harm done. The maid was not actually ravished; and if there was no noise made about it, all matters might be set right.

The clergyman had by this time recovered himself so much as to have the use of his tongue; and began by protesting his innocence, and that it was no more he that made the attack upon the maid, than the angel Gabriel.

The Captain, interrupting him, and wishing to save his feelings, began by excusing or extenuating the offence. It is no great affair, said he, after all that is said or done. The love of women is a natural sin, and the holiest men in all ages have been propense to this indulgence. There was Abraham that got to bed to his maid Hagar, and had a bastard by her whom he named Ishmael. Joshua, who took Jericho by the sound of ram's horns, saved a likely slut of the name of Rahab, under a pretence that she had been civil to the spies he had sent out, but in reality because he himself took a fancy for her. I need say nothing about David, who wrote the psalms, and set them to music; and yet in his old days had a girl to sleep with him. Human nature is human nature still; and it is not all the preaching and praying on earth can extinguish it.

The clergyman averred his innocence, and that it was that red-headed gentleman himself, meaning Teague, who was in the room first, and had been guilty of the outrage. Teague was beginning to make the sign of the cross, and to put himself into an attitude forswearing, when the Captain thinking it of no consequence who was the person, put an end to the matter, by ordering Teague to bed, and himself bidding the company good night.

The clergyman finding no better could be made of it, took the advice of the landlord, and retired also. The landlady seemed disposed to hush the matter up, and the maid went to sleep as usual.

It is not the nature of the female tongue to be silent. The landlady, the next day,could not avoid informing her gossips, and even some of her guests, of what had happened the preceding evening in her house. The report, so unfavorable to the clergyman, had therefore got out; and coming to the ears of the consistory, was the occasion of calling him before them, to answer to the accusation. The clergyman much alarmed, though conscious of innocence, bethought himself of applying to the Captain, to extort from his servant-man a confession of the truth, and relieve his character. Accordingly having set out on a bay horse that he had, he found the Captain, and addressed him in the following manner:

Captain, said he, the affair of that night at the tavern, is like to be of serious consequence to me. For though I am innocent as the child unborn, yet the presumption is against me, and I am likely to fall under church censure. It may be sport to you, but is a matter of moment to me. Now, as sure as God is in heaven, I am innocent; and it must have been the devil, or that red-headed Irishman of yours, that made the disturbance.

The Captain gave him the comfort of assuring him that he might make himself easy; for be the matter as it might, he would take care that Teague should assume it and bear the blame. The clergyman thanked him, declaring at the same time, that he would not forget him in his prayers, Sunday or Saturday, while he had an hour to live. The Captain, not so much from any mercenary motive of benefit, by his spiritual solicitations, as from a real love of humanity and justice, had determined to do him essential service in this affair. Accordingly, when the clergyman had retired, calling Teague before him, he began in this manner: Teague, said he, from what I know of your disposition, I have no more doubt than I have of my existence, that it was yourself who made that uproar with the girl at the tavern where we lodged; though I could not but give you credit for your presence of mind in throwing it upon the clergyman. But whether the matter lies with you or him, is of no consequence. You can take it upon you, and lay up treasure in heaven. It will be doing a good work; and these people you may be assured, have a considerable influence in the other world. This clergyman can speak a good word for you when you come there, and let you into half the benefit of all the prayers he has said on earth. It will be no harm to you, for your character in this respect is as bad as it can well be.

Teague said he did not care much; but thought the priest ought to pay a little smart money; for it was a thankless matter to do these things for nothing. Said the Captain, these people are not the most plenty of money, but I will advance half a crown towards the accommodation. Teague was satisfied, and ready to acknowledge whatever was demanded of him.

Accordingly having come before the presbytery on the day appointed for the trial, Teague made confession of the truth, viz. That being in the kitchen with the girl, and observing her to be a good looking hussy——

But suppose we give the speech in his own dialect:—Master prastes, I persave you are all prastes of the gosple, and can prach as easily as I can take a chaw of tobacco. Now de trut of de story is dis: I was slaping in my bed, and I tought vid myself it was a shame amongst Christian paple that a young crature should slape by herself, and have no one to take care of her: So I tought vid myself to go and slape vid her. But as she was aslape, she made exclamation, and dis praste dat is here before you, came in to save her shoul from de devil; and as de Captain my master, might take offence, and de devil, I am shartain dat it was no better person, put it into my head to lay it on the praste. Dis is de trut master prastes, as I hope for shalvation in de kingdom of purgatory, shentlemen.

On this confession, the clergyman was absolved to the great joy of the presbytery, who considered it as a particular providence that the truth was brought to light.

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CHAPTER IX.

Containing Reflections.

IT must appear from the incident at the public house, with what caution, presumptive testimony is to be admitted. Our criminal law admits it, but lays it down as a rule, that it may be admitted with caution. There is what is called violent presumption; that is, where such circumstances exist, as usually attend the fact. Presumptive proof of this nature is held sufficient to convict. I doubt much, whether reason or experience approve the doctrine. Reason tells us, that there may be all the circumstances that usually attend the fact, and yet without the fact itself. Experience evinces that it has been the case: for we have heard of persons convicted of a capital offence, and yet with their last breath asserting innocence. Nay, in the case of some who have been convicted of homicide, the persons who have been supposed to have been murdered, have afterwards been found alive.

But on abstract principles, a conclusion of certainty cannot be drawn from presumptive proof. Because, in cases of the most violent presumption, there is still a possibility of innocence; and where there is a possibility, there must be a doubt; and will you hang man, woman, or child, where there is a doubt?

In all cases there ought to be complete proof; because the convicted person is to be completely punished; and the jury, previous to this, must make complete oath of the guilt.

It is the ground of the doctrine of presumptive proof, that where you cannot help suspecting, you ought to be positive;—whereas the just conclusion would be, that where you cannot help suspecting, there you ought to suspect still, but no more.

It would be a curious question in arithmetic, how many uncertainties make a certainty? In mathematics, the three angles of a triangle are equal to two right angles. But these are all angles that are put together; that is, they are things of the same kind; but the greatest angle, and the longest side, will never make a triangle—because there is no inclusion of space. There must be a number of the same kind to make an aggregate whole; so that ten thousand possibilities, probabilities, and violent presumptions, can never constitute a certainty.

Presumptive proof, like the semi plena probatio of the Roman law, going but half-way towards proof, can never amount to proof at all. For, as the saying is, a miss is as good as a mile. I would therefore recommend to all jurors to take care that, unless the witnesses sware positively to the fact, they do not find a verdict—guilty; because as the current cannot rise higher than the source, so the verdict of the juror ought not to be more absolute than the oath of the witness. In all cases, therefore, short of positive testimony, acquit.

These hints may also be of service to young attornies, and weak judges; so that honest people may not lose their lives, or be rendered infamous, without full proof of the offence. It is hard enough to suffer when there is full proof; but to be in the power of a juror's or a judge's imagination, comparing and construing circumstances, and weighing possibilities, contingencies, and what might have been, or what might not have been, as the humour, caprice, wheel, or whim of the brain may suggest, is inconsistent with that fair trial which, in a free government, ought to be enjoyed. Was I a judge or juror, no one would I condemn without positive testimony of the fact. For it would not be in my power to restore that fame or life which I took away from the innocent. And if a guilty person should escape, it was none of my look out; but the business of Providence to furnish proof, if it was intended that man should punish; and if proof is not furnished, let Providence take the matter on himself, and punish the culprit either in this life or in a future state. Invisible things belong to the Omniscient; and it would seem great arrogance in man, to take upon him to decide in cases of uncertainty. I hope, therefore, yet to see the doctrine of presumptive proof, in criminal cases, wholly, in courts of justice, discountenanced. I can declare that, in the course of my experience at the bar, I have had one hung, and several others within an ace of it, who were innocent; and this on the doctrine of presumption and probability. The one that was hung was a tory case, where the popular clamour was against the man; and light presumption became violent under such a charge.

I shall say no more on this subject; because it seems to me that I have been affecting to speak sense, whereas my business is to speak nonsense; this being the only way to keep out of the reach of criticism; because critics can say no more than you yourself allow: so that a charge of nonsense cannot hurt. It is thus that persons who have a long nose, or disproportion of some other feature, take the laugh upon themselves first, and so escape ridicule. The truth is, I will not give myself the trouble to write sense long. For I would as soon please fools as wise men; because the fools are the most numerous, and every prudent man will go with the majority. I shall return to the adventures of the Captain.

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CHAPTER X.

THE Presbytery sat a day or two at this place on church affairs, and the Captain remaining with them, lodged at the same house; Teague, in the mean time, having an opportunity of ingratiating himself with the clergymen, by rubbing down their horses, and other menial services. For it is the national character of the aboriginal Irish, to give fair words; and Teague was not deficient in this address. With the master Prasting, and giving a great deal of what is called blarney, he insinuated himself into their good graces; and by affecting now and then to be seen at prayers by himself, and to have a sorrowful countenance, he induced them to believe that he was in the first stage of conviction, and likely to become a pious man. Having made this progress in their good opinion, he ventured to suggest what was the ultimate object of this ambition; viz. the being a candidate for holy orders. The Presbytery, to whom the matter was represented by the individuals more particularly acquainted with him, thought favourably of the proposition.—For though his common attainments might not be great, yet if the grace of God had wrought upon him, he might become a valuable man.

The Captain having got a hint of this, took the first opportunity of addressing the Presbytery: Gentlemen, said he, you are deceived in this ragamuffin. For notwithstanding all the pretensions he may lately have to religion, you may be well assured that it is all hypocricy, and that he has no more religion than my horse.

The Presbytery, suspecting the Captain to be a carnal man, and regardless of the ministry, gave little heed to what he said; and seemed disposed to take Teague upon trial.

The Captain, finding the case to stand thus, and that in spite of all he could do, he was likely to lose his servant, took his usual method of addressing the hopes and fears of Teague himself.

Taking him aside, he began with all possible art to impress such fears and apprehensions, as the nature of the case suggested. Teague, said he, do you know what you are about? You have got into your vagaries once more. You want to preach, do you? Are you apprised of the difficulty of this work? The first thing you will have to do is to take a text; and when that is done, you will have to split it into parts.—There are what are called heads; and these you must divide into firstlys, and secondlys, and thirdlys, and fourthlys, and so on, till you have come to twentiethlys perhaps. Are you furnished with a concordance? Or do you know what a concordance is? Can you find a text to suit your purpose when you want it? Can you explain the Scriptures; the meaning of Daniel's ram, and the he-goat, or the seven Trumpets in the Revelations? You are mistaken, if you think your Irish will pass for Hebrew.

You think it a great honour to preach, do you? It was an honour once; but the thing is now become so common, that it is of little consequence to preach or not.

But do you know how it will behoove you to conduct yourself, if you take this office upon you? You will have to compose the muscles of your face to greater seriousness than your disposition can afford. You must quit whoring: how would you like that, Teague? It would look very ill after sermon to be catched in bed with a girl at a tavern.

But do you know why these men are so anxious to have you of their mess? The truth of the matter is, they carry on a war with the devil, and they wish to recruit you for the service. Do they give you any bounty money? I am afraid, there will be but little of this going. Take my advice then, and let them settle their own quarrels. It is a silly thing to be drawn into a party, when there is little to be got by it: Nay worse than little, for it will be all on the other side. Think you the devil will forget the mischief you do him in this world, and not resent it when he comes across you in a future state? When you are preaching and praying, do you think he will not hear all that you throw out against him? You may rely upon it, there will be enough to give him information; and, as a story never loses in the telling, it is ten to one they will make the matter worse than it was. Take my advice, therefore, and make no enemies while you can help it. Steer through life as smoothly as possible. Keep a good tongue in your mouth, and let those who choose to dispute with Belzebub, dispute. I never knew any good come of broils and quarrels, especially with low characters. And, to say the truth of it, this Satan, as they call him, is but a low fellow. Even where he is well disposed, he will do but little good to one; but a most dangerous creature where he takes a dislike. When you go to hell, as one day you must, you can expect but little quarter, after abusing him in this world.—He will make you squeel like a pig: take you by the throat, and kick you like a cat. His very scullions will spit upon you, and give you no better life than a dog under your feet; while these very clergymen, that put you forward to blackguard for them, will stand by, laughing in their sleeves that you could be such a fool.

The representation had the desired effect upon Teague, and he thought no more of the matter.

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CHAPTER XI.

Observations.

THE application made by Teague to be admitted to the ministry, and the simplicity of the ecclesiastics in listening to his overtures, made a great noise through the neighbourhood; in as much as the young man laboured under a want of education, and was not qualified by theological reading. But I do not see why it should be thought blameable; provided the matter was not too much hurried, and hastily brought forward.&mdashFor, give him a little time, and he might have been instructed to preach as well as some that I myself have heard: Especially if at first setting out, he had confined himself to historical passages of scripture; such as the history of Sampson and Gideon, and Barak, and the like: Only he must have taken care that in pronouncing Barak, with the brogue upon his tongue, he did not make it Burke; for that is a patronimic name of his country, and he might inadvertantly have fallen into this pronunciation.

I acknowledge that in the regular churches, such as that of the Presbyterians, there is still kept up some opinion of the necessity of literature. But do we not see that with other denominations; such as the Quakers, the Methodists, and Anabaptists, it is totally disregarded and thrown out? Because when human gifts or acquirements are absent, that which is supernatural more evidently appears.

Do not Quakers, and Methodists, and Baptists, preach very well? At any rate, they do a great deal of good, and that is the first object of preaching.—Whether such sermonists, avail themselves most of sense or sound, I will not say; but so it is they do good; and that without the aid of any human learning whatever.

It is very true, that formerly in the infancy of the church, a knowledge of languages and sciences, might be requisite. But the case is quite altered now. The Scripture has been well explained, and frequently preached over; every text and context examined, and passages illustrated. The Hebrew roots, so to speak, have been all dug up; and there is scarcely a new etymology to be made. Are there any new doctrines to discover? I should think it impossible. At any rate, I should conceive it unnecessary. There are enough in all conscience: the inventing more, would be like bringing timber to a wood, or coals to Newcastle.

This being the case, I feel myself disposed to agree with those who reject human learning in religious matters altogether. More especially as science is really not the fashion at the present time. For as has been before seen, even in the very province of science itself, it is dispensed with; that of natural philosophy, for instance. In state affairs, ignorance does very well, and why not in church? I am for having all things of a piece; ignorant statesmen, ignorant philosophers, and ignorant ecclesiastics. On this principle, Teague might have done very well as a preacher. But the selfishness of the Captain prevailed, and obstructed his advancement.

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CHAPTER XII.

DELAYING some time in a village, there was a great deal said about a certain Miss Vapour, who was the belle of the place. Her father had made a fortune by the purchase of public securities. A garrison having been at this place, and troops quartered here, he had been employed as an issuing commissary. When the commissioners sat to adjust unliquidated claims, he had a good deal in his power, by vouching for the accounts of the butcher and baker, and wood-cutter and water-drawer, and waggoner, and others of all occupations whatsoever, whose claims were purchased by himself in the mean time, and when the certificates issued in their names, they were to his use. The butcher and baker, no doubt, long before had been paid out of the flesh killed, or bread baked: because it is a good maxim, and a scriptural expression, "Muzzle not the ox that treadeth out the corn." But the public has a broad back, and a little vouching, by a person interested, is not greatly felt. These certificates, though at first of little value, and issued by the commissioners with the liberality of those who give what is of little worth, yet by the funding acts of the government, having become, in value, equal to gold and silver, the commissary had a great estate thrown upon him; so that, from low beginnings, he had become a man of fortune and consequence. His family, and especially the eldest daughter, shared the advantage; for she had become the object of almost all wooers. The Captain, though an old bachelor, has we have said, had not wholly lost the idea of matrimony. Happening to be in a circle, one evening, where Miss Vapour was, he took a liking to her, in all respects save one, which was, that she seemed, on her part, to have taken a liking to a certain Mr. Jacko, who was there present; and to whose attention she discovered a facility of acquiescence. The Captain behaved for the present, as if he did not observe the preference, but the following day, waiting on the young lady at her father's house, he drew her into conversation, and began to reason with her in the following manner:

Miss Vapour, said he, you are a young lady of great beauty, great sense, and fortune still greater than either.—This was a sad blunder in a man of gallantry, but the lady not being of the greatest sensibility of nerve, did not perceive it.—On my part, said he, I am a man of years, but a man of some reflection; and it would be much more advisable in you to trust my experience, and the mellowness of my disposition in a state of matrimony, than the vanity and petulance of this young fop Jacko, for whom you show partiality.

The colour coming into the young lady's face at this expression, she withdrew, and left him by himself. The Captain struck with the rudeness, withdrew also, and, calling Teague from the kitchen, mounted his horse and set off.

The next morning shortly after he had got out of bed, and had just come down stairs at his lodging, and was buttoning the knees of his breeches, a light airy looking young man, with much bowing and civility, entered the hall of the public house, and enquiring if this was not Captain Farrago to whom he had the honour to address himself, and deliver him a paper. On the perusal, it was found to be a challenge from Mr. Jacko.

The fact was, that Miss Vapour, in order the more to recommend herself to her suitor, had informed him of the language of the Captain. The young man, though he had no great stomach for the matter, yet according to the custom of these times, could do no less than challenge. The bearer was what is called his second.

The Captain having read the paper, and pausing a while, said, Mr. Second, for that I take to be your stile and character, is it consistent with reason or common sense, to be the aider or abettor of another man's folly; perhaps the prompter? For it is no uncommon thing with persons to inflame the passions of their friends, rather than allay them. This young woman, for I shall not call her lady, from vanity, or ill nature, or both, has become a tale-bearer to her lover, who, I will venture to say, thanks her but little for it; as she has thereby rendered it necessary for him to take this step. You, in the mean time, are not blameless, as it became you to have declined the office, and thereby furnished an excuse to your friend for not complying with the custom. For it would have been a sufficient apology with the lady to have said, although he was disposed to fight, yet he could get no one to be his armour-bearer or assistant. It could have been put upon the footing, that all had such regard for his life, that no one would countenance him in risking it. You would have saved him by this means, all that uneasiness which he feels at present, lest I should accept his challenge. I am not so unacquainted with human nature, as not to know how disagreeable it must be to think of having a pistol ball lodged in the groin or the left breast, or, to make the best of it, the pan of the knee broke, or the nose cut off, or some wound less than mortal given; disagreeable, especially to a man in the bloom of life, and on the point of marriage with a woman to whose person or fortune he has no exception. I would venture to say, therefore, there will be no great difficulty in appeasing this Orlando Furioso, that has sent me the challenge. Did you know the state of his mind, you would find it to be his wish at this moment, that I would ease his fears, and make some apology. A very slight one would suffice. I dare say, his resentment against Miss Vapour is not slight, and that he would renounce her person and fortune both, to get quit of the duel. But the opinion of the world is against him, and he must fight. Do you think he has any great gratitude to you for your services on this occasion? He had much rather you had, in the freedom of friendship, given him a kick on the posteriors, when he made application to you; and told him, that it did not become him to quarrel about a woman, who had, probably, consulted but her own vanity, in giving him the information. In that case, he would have been more pleased with you a month hence, than he is at present. I do not know that he has an overstock of sense; nevertheless, he cannot be just such a fool, as not to consider, that you, yourself, may have pretensions to this belle, and be disposed to have him out of the way before you. He must be a fool, indeed, if he does not reflect, that you had much rather see us fight than not; from the very same principle that we take delight in seeing a cock-match, or a horse-race. The spectacle is new, and produces a brisk current of thought through the mind; which is a constituent of pleasure, the absence of all movement giving none at all.

What do you suppose I must think of you, Mr. Second; I, who have read books, and thought a little on the subject; have made up my mind in these matters, and account the squires that bring challenges from knights, as people of but very small desert? Thinking men have condemned the duel, and laws have prohibited it; but these miscreants still keep it up, by being the conductors of the fluid. My indignation, therefore, falls on such, and I have long ago fixed on the mode of treating them. It is this: a stout athletic man calls upon me, with a challenge in his hand, I knock him down, if I can, without saying a word. If the natural arm be not sufficient for this purpose, I avail myself of any stone, wooden, or iron instrument that I cast my eye upon, not just to take away his life, if I can help it; but to hit the line as exactly as possible, between actual homicide, and a very bad wound. For in this case, I should conceive, a battery would be justifiable, or at least excusable, and the fine not great; the bearing a challenge being a breach of the peace, in the first instance. This would be my conduct with a stout athletic man, whom I might think it dangerous to encounter with fair warning, and on equal terms. But in the present case, where—(Here the second began to show signs of fear, raising himself, and inclining backwards, opening his eyes wider, and casting a look towards the door)—where, continued the Captain, I have to do with a person of your slender make, I do not adopt that surprise, or use an artificial weapon; but with these fists, which have been used in early life to agricultural employments, I shall very deliberately impress a blow.

The second rising to his feet began to recede a little. Be under no apprehensions, said the Captain; I shall use no unfair method of biting, gouging, or wounding the private parts. Nay, as you appear to be a young man of a delicate constitution, I shall only choak a little—You will give me leave to take you by the throat in as easy a manner as possible.

In the mean time the second had been withdrawing towards the door, and the Captain with outstretched arms, in a sideway direction, proceeded to intercept him. In an instant, he was seized by the neck, and the exclamation of murder which he made at the first grasp, began to die away in hoarse guttural murmurs of one nearly strangled, and labouring for breath. The Captain meaning that he should be more alarmed than hurt, dismissed him with a salutation of his foot on the posteriors, as a claude ostium, as he went out. You may be, said he, a gentleman in the opinion of the world; but you are a low person in mine; and so it shall be done to every one who shall come upon such an errand.

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CHAPTER XIII.

HAVING thus dismissed the secondary man, he called in his servant Teague, and accosted him as follows. Teague, said he, you have heretofore discovered an ambition to be employed in some way that would advance your reputation. There is now a case fallen out, to which you are fully competent. It is not a matter that requires the head to contrive, but the hand to execute. The greatest fool is as fit for it as a wise man. It is indeed your greatest blockheads that chiefly undertake it. The knowledge of law, physick, or divinity is out of the question. Literature and political understanding is useless. Nothing more is necessary than a little resolution of the heart. Yet it is an undertaking which is of much estimation with the rabble, and has a great many on its side to approve and praise it. The females of the world, especially, admire the act, and call it valour. I know you wish to stand well with the ladies. Here is an opportunity of advancing your credit. I have had what is called a challenge sent me this morning. It is from a certain Jacko, who is a suitor to a Miss Vapour, and has taken offence at an expression of mine, respecting him, to this female. I wish you to accept the challenge, and fight him for me.

At this proposition, Teague looked wild, and made apology that he was not much used to boxing. Boxing, said the Captain, you are to fight what is called a duel.—You are to encounter him with pistols, and put a bullet through him if you can. It is true, he will have the chance of putting one through you; but in that consists the honour; for where there is no danger, there is no glory. You will provide yourself a second. There is an hostler here at the public house, that is a brave fellow, and will answer the purpose. Being furnished with a second, you will provide yourself with a pair of pistols, powder and ball of course. In the mean time your adversary notified of your intentions, will do the like.—Thus equipped, you will advance to the place agreed upon. The ground will be measured out; ten, seven or five steps; back to back, and coming round to your place, fire. Or taking your ground, stand still and fire; or it may be, advance and fire as you meet, at what distance you think proper. The rules in this respect are not fixed, but as the parties can agree, or the seconds point out. When you come to fire, be sure you keep a steady hand, and take good aim. Remember that the pistol barrel being short, the powder is apt to throw the bullet up. Your sight, therefore, ought to be about the waist-band of his breeches, so that you have the whole length of his body, and his head in the bargain, to come and go upon. It is true, he in the mean time, will take the same advantage of you. He may hit you about the groin, or the belly. I have known some shot in the thigh, or the leg. The throat also, and the head are in themselves vulnerable. It is no uncommon thing to have an arm broke, or a splinter struck off the nose, or an eye shot out, but as in that case the ball mostly passes through the brain, and the man being dead at any rate, the loss of sight is not greatly felt.

As the Captain spoke, Teague seemed to feel in himself every wound which was described, the ball hitting him, now in one part, and now in another. At the last words, it seemed to pass through his head, and he was half dead, in imagination. Making a shift to express himself, he gave the Captain to understand, that he could by no means undertake the office. What! said the Captain; you whom nothing would serve, some time ago, but to be a legislator, or philosopher, or preacher, in order to gain fame, will now decline a business for which you are qualified! This requires no knowledge of finances, no reading of natural history, or any study of the fathers. You have nothing more to do than keep a steady hand and a good eye.

In the early practice of this exercise, I mean the combat of the duel, it was customary to exact an oath of the combatants, before they entered the lists, that they had no enchantments, or power of witchcraft, about them.—Whether you should think it necessary to put him to his voire dire, on this point, I shall not say; but I am persuaded, that on your part, you have too much honour, to make use of spells, or undue means, to take away his life or save your own. You will leave all to the chance of fair shooting. One thing you will observe, and which is allowable in this battle; you will take care not to present yourself to him with a full breast, but angularly, and your head turned round over the left shoulder, like a weather-cock. For thus a smaller surface being presented to an adversary, he will be less likely to hit you. You must throw your legs into lines parallel, and keep them one directly behind the other. Thus you will stand like a sail hauled close to the wind. Keep a good countenance, a sharp eye, and a sour look; and if you feel any thing like a cholic, or a palpitation of the heart, make no noise about it. If the ball should take you in the gills, or the gizzard, fall down as decently as you can, and die like a man of honour.

It was of no use to urge the matter; the Irishman was but the more opposed to the proposition, and utterly refused to be after fighting in any such manner. The Captain, finding this to be the case, dismissed him to clean his boots and spurs, and rub down his horse in the stable.

On reflection, it seemed advisable to the Captain to write an answer to the card which Colonel or Major Jacko, or whatever his title may have been, had sent him this morning. It was as follows:

SIR,

I have two objections to this duel matter. The one is, lest I should hurt you; and the other is, lest you should hurt me. I do not see any good it would do me to put a bullet thro' any part of your body. I could make no use of you when dead for any culinary purpose, as I would a rabbit or a turkey. I am no cannibal to feed on the flesh of men. Why then shoot down a human creature, of which I could make no use? A buffaloe would be better meat. For though your flesh might be delicate and tender; yet it wants that firmness and consistency which takes and retains salt. At any rate, it would not be fit for long sea voyages. You might make a good barbecue, it is true, being of the nature of a raccoon or an opossum; but people are not in the habit of barbecuing any thing human now. As to your hide, it is not worth taking off, being little better than that of a year old colt.

It would seem to me a strange thing to shoot at a man that would stand still to be shot at; in as much as I have been heretofore used to shoot at things flying, or running, or jumping.—Were you on a tree now, like a squirrel, endeavouring to hide yourself in the branches, or like a raccoon, that after much eyeing and spying, I observe at length in the crutch of a tall oak, with boughs and leaves intervening, so that I could just get a sight of his hinder parts, I should think it pleasurable enough to take a shot at you. But as it is, there is no skill or judgment requisite either to discover or take you down.

As to myself, I do not much like to stand in the way of any thing harmful. I am under apprehensions you might hit me. That being the case, I think it most advisable to stay at a distance. If you want to try your pistols, take some object, a tree or a barn door, about my dimensions. If you hit that, send me word, and I shall acknowledge that if I had been in the same place you might also have hit me.

J. F.

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CHAPTER XIV.

Containing Reflections.

THE Captain was a good man, but unacquainted with the world. His ideas were drawn chiefly from what may be called the old school: the Greek and Roman notions of things. The combat of the duel was to them unknown; though it seems strange, that a people who were famous for almost all arts and sciences, should have remained ignorant of its use. I do not conceive how, as a people, they could exist without it. But so it was, they actually were without the knowledge of it. For we do not find any trace of this custom in the poets or historians of all antiquity.

I do not know at what period, precisely, the custom was introduced, or to whom it was owing; but omitting this disquisition, we content ourselves with observing, that it has produced as great an improvement in manners as the discovery of the load-stone and mariner's compass has in navigation. Not that I mean to descant at full length on the valuable effects of it; but simply to observe, that it is a greater aid to government than the alliance of church and state itself. If Dr. Warburton had had leisure, I could wish he had written a treatise upon it. Some affect to ridicule it, as carrying to a greater length small differences, than the aggravation may justify. As for instance, a man is angry enough with you to give you a slap in the face; but the custom says, he must shoot you through the head. I think the smaller the aggravation, the nicer the sense of honour. The heaviest mind will resent a gross affront; but to kill a man where there is no affront at all, shows a great sensibility. It is immaterial whether there is or is not an injury, provided the world thinks there is; for it is the opinion of mankind we are to consult. It is a duty which we owe them, to provide for their amusement. Non nascimur nobis ipsis; we are not born for ourselves, but for others. Decorum pro patria mori; it is a becoming thing to die for one's country; and shall it not also be accounted honourable to throw one's life away for the entertainment of a few particular neighbours and acquaintances? It is true, the tears that will be shed upon your grave will not make the grass grow; but you will have the consolation, when you leave the world, to have fallen in the bed of honour.

It is certainly a very noble institution, that of the duel; and it has been carried to very great perfection in some respects. Nevertheless, I would submit it to the public, whether still further improvements might not be made in the laws and regulations of it. For instance, could it not be reduced nearer to an equality of chances, by proportioning the caliber, or bore of the pistol; the length of the barrel, also, to the size of the duellist who holds it; or by fixing the ratio of distance in proportion to the bulk of combatants? To explain myself: When I am to fight a man of small size, I ought to have a longer pistol than my adversary, because my mark is smaller; or I ought to be permitted to come nearer to him. For it is altogether unfair that men of unequal bulk should fire at equal distances, and with equal calibers. The smaller size multiplied by the larger space, or larger pistol, would equal the larger size multiplied by the smaller space or smaller pistol. If this amendment of the duel laws should be approved by men of honour, let it be added to the code.

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CHAPTER XV.

NOT long after this, being at a certain place, the Captain was accosted by a stranger in the following manner: Captain, said he, I have heard of a young man in your service who talks Irish. Now, sir, my business is that of an Indian treaty-maker, and am on my way with a party of kings, and half-kings, to the commissioners, to hold a treaty. My king of the Kickapoos, who was a Welch blacksmith, took sick by the way, and is dead: I have heard of this lad of yours, and could wish to have him a while to supply his place. The treaty will not last longer than a couple of weeks; and as the government will probably allow three or four thousand dollars for the treaty, it will be in our power to make it worth your while to spare him for that time.

Your king of the Kickapoos, said the Captain, what does that mean? Said the stranger, it is just this: You have heard of the Indian nations to the westward, that occasionally make war upon the frontier settlements. It has been a policy of the government to treat with these, and distribute goods. Commissioners are appointed for that purpose. Now you are not to suppose that it is an easy matter to catch a real chief, and bring him from the woods; or if at some expence one was brought, the goods would go to his use; whereas, it is much more profitable to hire substitutes, and make chiefs of our own. And as some unknown gibberish is necessary, to pass for an Indian language, we generally make use of Welch, or Low Dutch, or Irish; or pick up an ingenious fellow here and there, who can imitate a language by sounds of his own in his mouth and throat. But we prefer one who can speak a real tongue, and give more for him. We cannot afford you a great deal at this time for the use of your man; because it is not a general treaty, where 20,000 or 30,000 dollars are appropriated for the purpose of holding it; but an occasional, or what we call a running treaty, by way of brightening the chain, and holding fast friendship.—The commissioners will doubtless be glad to see us, and procure from the government an allowance for the treaty. For the more treaties, the more use for commissioners. The business must be kept up, and treaties made if there are none of themselves. My Piankasha, and Choctaw chiefs, are very good fellows; the one of them a Scotch pedlar that talks the Erse; the other has been some time in Canada, and has a little broken Indian, God knows not what language; but has been of great service in assisting to teach the rest some Indian custom and manners. I have had the whole of them for a fortnight past under my tuition, teaching them war songs and dances, and to make responses at the treaty. If your man is tractable, I can make him a Kickapoo in about nine days. A breech-clout and leggins that I took off the blacksmith that died, I have ready to put on him. He must have part of his head shaved, and painted, with feathers on his crown; but the paint will rub off, and the hair grow in a short time, so that he can go about with you again.

It is a very strange affair, said the Captain. Is it possible that such deception can be practised in a new country? It astonishes me, that the government does not detect such imposition.

The government, said the Indian treaty-man, is at a great distance. It knows no more of Indians than a cow does of Greek. The legislature hears of wars and rumours of wars, and supports the executive in forming treaties. How is it possible for men who live remote from the scene of action, to have adequate ideas of the nature of Indians, or the transactions that are carried on in their behalf? Do you think the one half of those savages that come to treat, are real representatives of the nation? Many of them are not savages at all; but weavers and pedlars, as I have told you, picked up to make kings and chiefs. I speak of those particularly that come trading down to inland towns, or the metropolis. I would not communicate these mysteries of our trade, were it not that I confide in your good sense, and have occasion for your servant.

It is a mystery of iniquity, said the Captain. Do you suppose that I would countenance such a fraud upon the public? I do not know, said the other; it is a very common thing for men to speculate, now-a-days. If you will not, another will.—A hundred dollars might as well be in your pocket as another man's. I will give you that for the use of your servant for week or two, and say no more about it.

It is an idea new to me entirely, said the Captain, that Indian princes, whom I have seen escorted down as such, were no more than trumpery, disguised, as you mention; that such should be introduced to polite assemblies, and have the honour to salute the fair ladies with a kiss, the greatest beauties thinking themselves honoured by having the salutation of a sovereign. It is so, said the other; I had a red-headed brick-layer once, whom I passed for a Chippawaw; and who has dined with clubs, and sat next the President. He was blind of an eye, and was called blind Sam by the traders. I had given it out that he was a great warrior, and had lost his eye by an arrow in a contest with a rival nation. These things are now reduced to a system; and it is so well known to those who are engaged in the traffic, that we think nothing of it.

How the devil, said the Captain, do you get speeches made, and interpret them so as to pass for truth? That is an easy matter, said the other; Indian speeches are nearly all alike. You have only to talk of burying hatchets under large trees, kindling fires, brightening chains; with a demand, at the latter end, of blankets for the posteriors, and rum to get drunk on.

I much doubt, said the Captain, whether treaties that are carried on in earnest are of any great use. Of none at all, said the other; especially as the practice of giving goods prevails; because this is an inducement to a fresh war. This being the case, it can be no harm to make a farce of the whole matter; or rather a profit of it, by such means as I propose to you, and have pursued myself.

After all, said the Captain, I cannot but consider it as a kind of contraband and illicit traffic; and I must be excused from having any hand in it. I shall not betray your secret, but I shall not favour it. It would ill become me, whose object in riding about in this manner, is to give just ideas on subjects, to take part in such ill-gotten gain.

The Indian treaty-man, finding it in vain to say more, withdrew.

The Captain, apprehending that he might not yet drop his designs upon the Irishman, but be tampering with him out of doors, should he come across him, sent for Teague. For he well knew that, should the Indian-treaty man get the first word of him, the idea of making him a king, would turn his head, and it would be impossible to prevent his going with him.

Teague coming in, said the Captain to him, Teague, I have discovered in you, for some time past, a great spirit of ambition, which is, doubtless, commendable in a young person; and I have checked it only in cases where there was real danger, or apparent mischief. There is now an opportunity of advancing yourself, not so much in the way of honour as profit. But profit brings honour, and is, indeed, the most substantial support of it. There has been a man here with me, that carries on a trade with the Indians, and tells me that red-headed scalps are in great demand with them. If you could spare yours, he would give a good price for it. I do not well know what use they make of this article, but so it is, the traders find their account in it.—Probably they dress it with the hairy side out, and make tobacco-pouches for the chiefs, when they meet in council. It saves dying, and besides, the natural red hair of a man may, in their estimation, be superior to any colour they can give by art. The taking off the scalp will not give much pain, it is so dexterously done by them with a crooked knife they have for that purpose. The mode of taking off the scalp is this: You lie down upon your back; a warrior puts his feet upon your shoulders, collects your hair in his left hand, and drawing a circle with the knife in his right, makes the incision, and, with a sudden pull, separates it from the head, giving, in the mean time, what is called the scalp yell. The thing is done in such an instant, that the pain is scarcely felt. He offered me a hundred dollars, if I would have it taken off for his use, giving me directions, in the mean time, how to stretch it and dry it on a hoop. I told him, No: it was a perquisite of your own, and you might dispose of it as you thought proper. If you choose to dispose of it, I had no objections; but the bargain should be of your own making, and the price such as should please yourself. I have sent for you to give you a hint of this chapman, that you may have a knowledge of his wish to possess the property, and ask accordingly. It is probable you may bring him up to a half Johannes more by holding out a little. But I do not think it would be advisable to lose the bargain. An hundred dollars for a little hairy flesh is a great deal. You will trot a long time before you make that with me. He will be with you probably to propose the purchase. You will know him, when you see him: He is a tall looking man, with leggins on, and has several Indians with him going to a treaty. He talked to me something of making you a king of the Kickapoos, after the scalp is off; but I would not count on that so much; because words are but wind, and promises are easily broken. I would advise you to make sure of the money in the first place and take chance for the rest.—

I have seen among the prints of Hogarth, some such expression of countenance as that of Teague at this instant; who, as soon as he could speak, but with a double brogue on his tongue, began to intimate his disinclination to the traffic. The hair of his scalp, itself, in the mean time had risen in opposition to it. Dear master, vid you trow me into ridicule, and de blessed shalvation of my life, and all dat I have in de vorld, to be trown like a dog to de savages, and have my flesh tarn off my head to give to dese vild bastes to make a napsack to carry deir parates and tings in, for a hundred dollars or de like. It shall never be said that de hair of de O'Regans made mackeseens for a vild Indian to trat upon. I would sooner trow my own head, hair and all in de fire, dan give it to dese paple to smoke wid out of deir long pipes.

If this be your determination, said the Captain, it will behoove you to keep yourself somewhat close; and while we remain at this public house, avoid any conversation with the chapman or his agents, should they come to tamper with you. For it is not improbable, while they are keeping you in talk, proposing to make you a Kickapoo chief and the like, they may snatch the scalp off your head, and you not be the wiser for it.

Teague thought the caution good, and resolving to abide by it, retired to the kitchen. The maid at this time, happening to want a log of wood, requested Teague to cut it for her. Taking the ax accordingly, and going out, he was busy chopping with his head down; while, in the mean time, the Indian treaty-man had returned with one in Indian dress, who was the chief of the Killinoos, or at least passed for such; and whom he brought as having some recruiting talents, and might prevail with Teague to elope and join the company. I presume, said the Indian treaty-man, you are the waiter of the Captain who lodges here at present. Teague hearing a man speak, and lifting up his head, saw the leggins on the one, and the Indian dress on the other; and with a kind of involuntary effort threw the ax directly from him at the Killinoo. It missed him but about an inch and fell behind. Teague, in the mean time, raising a shout of desperation, was fixed on the spot, and his locomotive faculties suspended; so that he could neither retreat nor advance; but stood still, like one enchained or enchanted for a moment. The king of the Killinoos, in the mean time, drew his tomahawk, and prepared for battle.

The Captain, who was reading at a front window, hearing the shout, looked about, and saw what was going on at the wood-pile. Stop villain, said he, to the king of the Killinoos; you are not to take that scalp yet, however much you may value it. He will not take an 100 dollars for it, nor 500, though you make him king of the Kickapoos, or any thing else. It is no trifling matter to have the ears slit in tatters, and the nose run through with a bodkin, and a goose quill stuck across; so that you may go about your business; you will get no king of the Kickapoos here. Under cover of this address of the Captain, Teague had retired to the kitchen, and ensconced himself behind the rampart of the maid. The Indian treaty-man, and the Killinoo chief, finding the measure hopeless, withdrew, and turned their attention, it is to be supposed, to some other quarter, to find a king of the Kickapoos.

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CHAPTER XVI.

Containing Observations.

THE Captain was certainly to be commended in declining to countenance the imposition of making Teague a Kickapoo chief. Had he been disposed to adventure in a contraband trade of this kind, he might have undertaken it as a principal, and not as furnishing an assistant only. He could have passed Teague for a chief, and himself for an interpreter. He might pretend to have conducted this prince from a very distant nation, and that he had been several moons in travelling, and wanted, he knows not how much goods for his people, that otherwise would come to war. By this means, the Captain would have taken the whole emolument of the treaty, and not have been put off with a small share of the profit which another make by it.

I should like to have seen Teague in an Indian dress, come to treat with the commissioners. It would be necessary for him only to talk Irish, which he might pass for the Shawanese, or other language. The Captain could have interpreted in the usual words on these occasions.

The policy of treating with the Indians is very good; because it takes off a great deal of loose merchandise, that might otherwise lie upon our hands, and cuts away superfluities from finances of the government; at the same time, as every fresh treaty lays the foundation of a new war, it will serve to check the too rapid growth of the settlements. The extremities of a government, like the arm or ancle of an individual, are the parts at which blood is to be let.

Struck with the good effects of treating with the savages, and that our wise men who conduct affairs, pursue the policy, I have been led to wonder, that the agricultural societies, have not proposed treaties with the wolves and bears, that they might not clandestinely invade our sheep and pig folds. This might be done by sending messages to the several ursine and vulpine nations, and calling them to a council-fire, to which four or five hundred waggon loads of beef should be sent, and distributed. If it should be said, that this would restrain them no longer from their prey than while they continued to be satiated, the same might be said of the Potawatamies, or other Indian nations; and yet we see that those at the head of our affairs think it prudent to negotiate with them.

A bear and wolf treaty might seem an odd thing at first, but we should soon come to be accustomed to it. I should be sorry abuses should prevail, by treaty-making men passing rough water-dogs for bears, or mastiffs for wolves, upon our secretaries at war, or subordinate commissioners; which might be done as in the case of the savages, where it is pretended that some tribes had not been at the general treaty, and a chief is sent to represent them and to get goods.

If our traders go amongst the wolves in consequence of a treaty, I could wish they could check themselves in the introduction of spiritous liquors. A drunk wolf, or bear, would be a dangerous animal. It may be thought that a bear or wolf chief would not get drunk, as it would be setting a bad example to their people; but I have seen Indian Kings lying on the earth drunk, and exposing their nakedness, like Noah to Shem, Ham, and Japheth; and if Indians, that are a sort of humane creatures, act thus, what might we not expect from a poor brute wolf or bear?

If treaties with the wolves and bears should be found to succeed, it might not be amiss to institute them also with the foxes. This is a sagacious animal, and destructive to ducks and other fowls. It would be a great matter to settle a treaty with them, which might be done at the expense of nine or ten thousand dollars laid out in goods.

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CHAPTER XVII.

MEANING to remain some time in a certain town to which he came, the Captain had his horse put out to pasture, and took private lodgings. The first day at dinner, he was struck with the appearance of a young man who sat at table, but could not be said to dine with them; for except a little water and a bit of bread, he ate or drank nothing; and though sometimes addressed, he made no answer. There was a settled melancholy in his countenance, and he often sighed deeply. He had been in this house six weeks, and had behaved uniformly in the same manner. In the evening he would walk by himself till midnight. Whence he came, or what was his object, no one knew. He had bespoke a back room, and wished to have one where there was but little light; also, that a little water, and a bit of bread might be sent when he should require it. The landlady not choosing to have a person in the house who was unwilling to be seen, declined the circumstance of sending in provisions to his room; but thought it proper he should come to table; he did so; but entered into no conversation, though much pains was taken to engage him. He had paid his boarding regularly, and did not seem to be in want of money. This was the account given by the family, when the young man retired from dinner.

The Captain's curiosity was much excited; for being a philanthropic man, he found himself interested in the history of this person. Taking an opportunity that very evening, when the young man was walking in the back porch, he joined him, and with the bluntness of a plain man, accosted him. Sir, said he, it is from no motive of vain curiosity, that I thus address you. It is from a disposition to know and alleviate your griefs. For it is evident to me that something hangs heavy on your mind. I am a man, as you see, advanced in life, and have had some experience. It is possible it may be in my power to say or do something that may serve you; at least, it is my disposition to soothe your melancholy. If it should be an unfortunate murder, the guilt of which lies upon your mind, you will find no accuser in me; I shall preserve a secret obtained in this manner. Probably it may have been a duel, and with such alleviating circumstances, that though the law would take hold of it, humanity will excuse.

The young man finding the charge of murder, or suspicion of it, ready to be fixed upon him, spoke. Said he, I am no murderer, but a murdered man myself. I am in love with a young woman of the most celestial beauty, but of a cruel heart.

The beauty may be more in your brain, than in her face, said the Captain; for, as the poet says,

"The Lunatic, the Lover and the Poet,
"Are of imagination all compact,
"One sees more devils than vast Hell can hold;
"That is the madman: The other, all as frantic,
"Sees Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt."

I am not unacquainted with the nature of this passion; and I have seen a gypsey myself, in my time, that has had dominion over me. Perhaps I may have been carried to as much extravagance as other people; and therefore am a proper person to advise against it. A principal source of my extravagance, was an opinion that the jade who had hold of my affections at the time, would pity me when she heard of the pain which her beauty gave me; that she would be afraid I would hang myself for her sake; that she would come to soothe and caress me, in order to prevent it. Far from it. My uneasiness was the proof of her power to wound; and the more distress I felt, the greater credit to her beauty. She would not have lost a sigh which she caused me for any consideration. My lamentations were as agreeable to her, as the groans of the damned are to the devil. And so it must be with every woman; because self-love induces it. Hanging is the last thing they would be at. If they could get the lover brought to this, they are then at the height of fame. It falls but to the lot of one here and there to have a man drown himself for her; and when it does happen, it makes such a noise that all covet it.

I would venture to say, that this female whom you fast and pray about so much, would be very unwilling to breathe the soul into you, were it once out. Instead of fasting, she is eating; and while you sigh in the night, she snores.

You have an idea, perhaps, that you may bend her by your perseverance. That is a mistake. A man that once comes to this state of sighing, and dying, has but little chance; because he has surrendered himself; and there is nothing more to be won. Were there any possibility of succeeding, it would be by first conquering yourself; dismissing all idea of her partiality for you; for it is owing to this secret vanity, and self-flattery, that you still pursue. Absolute despair is the first step towards the cure of love. It is either drowning or curing, with you at present. As you have not drowned yourself, you are in a fair way to be cured.

I know very well how you missed the matter with this hussy. You appear to be a young man of great sensibility of feeling; and I presume made your addresses with great refinement of thought and manners. You talked to her of flames and darts, and flowers and roses; read poetry in the mean time, and thought a great deal of Phillis, and Amaryllis; and entertained her with names and incidents in romances, and sung and recited soft love songs of Amanda, and Phebe, and Colin; whereas your way was to have talked careless nonsense, and sung such songs as Paddy Kelly, and Tristram Shandy-o; and told her stories of girls that had ran off with pedlars, or gone a campaigning with the soldiers. These ideas are light and frolicsome, and co-natural to springing love. Hence it is that men of but loose and irregular education, succeed better with the fair than scholars that are learned in the classics.

But to bring the matter to a point, the true way is to get another mistress; and profit by your experience with the first. No more sighing and dying in the case; but singing, and laughing, and jumping like a young fox. Hint a little with respect to certain matters that are between the sexes; but let it be done in so delicate a manner, that, though she understands you, she is not obliged to do it. What I mean, is to make her think you would rather debauch her than marry her. Bring her to this suspicion, and I warrant you, her whole study will be to entrap you into matrimony. For it is natural for the human mind, when it observes a great security and confidence in another, to imagine there must be some ground for it. It will argue a consciousness, on your part, of having a good or better in your power. It will impress her with the same idea; and imagination governs the world.

When the mind is bent upon any object, it is relieved by the conversation of those who understand it; and as it were, dissolved with them in the same ideas. The young man was pleased with the conversation of the Captain, and seemed cheered; agreed to join the family, and be sociable. By degrees he became so; and what by the conversation of the Captain, sometimes explaining and sometimes ridiculing the passion of love; and the young ladies of the family, in the mean time, rallying him on his weakness, he came a little to his senses, (for love is a phrenzy,) and began to behave like a common man. For it having come out now, that love was the cause of his distress and singularity of conduct, some pitied him, and others rallied it with good humour and philanthropy. It had, however, become the general topic in the family, and was carried down to the kitchen among the servants.

Teague hearing of it, took it into his head that he must be in love too; and counterfeiting a demure look, and absence of mind, and walking by himself, and living on spare diet, as he had heard the young man that was in love did, he wished to have it understood that his mind was under the dominion of the same passion. This being observed, was represented to the Captain; who being at a loss to know what was the matter, called Teague, and began to interrogate him. The bog-trotter, with some seeming reluctance, acknowledged that it was love.—You in love, said the Captain, you great bear; with whom are you in love? Dat dear cratur, said the Irishman, dat has the black hair, and de fair face, and her name is Mrs. Sally, in de house dere. She is as fair as de wool or de snow, and gives me cholic, and de heart burn, every time dat I look at her fair eyes; God save her soul from damnation, but I love her as I do de very food dat I ate, or the clothes dat I ware upon my back.

It appeared to be Miss Sally, a very pretty girl, the eldest daughter of the landlady; who, by the bye, I mean the landlady, was a widow, and had two daughters and a niece with her; the handsomest of whom was this Miss Sally, with whom Teague had become enamoured. For simple and ignorant nature will fasten on beauty, as well as the most instructed in the principles of taste.

The Captain having been a good deal troubled, heretofore, with the pretensions of this valet, in wishing to be a member of the legislature, a philosopher, a preacher, and now a lover, thought he had now a good opportunity of repressing his presumption for the future. There was a young man, a brother in the family, who had been some time in the service, as a lieutenant, and had leave of absence at this time, on a visit to his mother and sisters.—The Captain well knew, that being in the pride and heat of youth, he would consider Teague's advances to his sister as an insult on the family, and chastise him accordingly. With this view, counterfeiting every possible disposition to serve the bog-trotter, the Captain recommended to him to make a confident of the brother, and endeavour to gain his interest with the sister.

Accordingly, one morning when the officer was in his chamber, Teague made his approach; and composing his woe-begone countenance as well as he could, and explaining the cause of it, solicited his interest with the lady.

There was a whip in a corner of the room, with which the lieutenant had been riding; seizing this hastily, he made an attack upon the person of the lover, in a manner far beyond what was decent or moderate. The valet retreating with considerable outcries, made complaint to the Captain; who gave him to understand, that as this outrage was committed by his intended brother-in-law, it must be considered in the nature of a family quarrel, and he could not interfere.

The advances of Teague became the subject of conversation in the family, and of much mirth and laughter. The young man who had been in the state of melancholy before described, and had been cheered a little, was now in a great degree cured by the imitation of the valet.—For ridicule is more a cure for love than reason. It is better to make the patient laugh than think.

Having now a disposition to pursue his travels, the Captain sent for his horse and set out.

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CHAPTER XVII.

Containing Observations.

THE observations which we make when the narration of the fact is ended, are something like the sentiments delivered in the chorus in the ancient plays, a kind of moral on what was said; or like the moral as it is called to a fable. With this view, therefore, we shall endeavour to say something.

The young man that we have seen so deeply in love, was of a handsome personal appearance, and of an eye and physiognomy that indicated sensibility and understanding; and yet it is probable the female of whom he was so much enamoured, may have been both homely, and destitute of good mental qualities. Whence could a repulse in this case happen? From a thousand causes. We will specify some of them. The very circumstance of his being beyond her first hopes, may have put him beyond her last wishes. A female wooed by a man her superior, may be led to think she has still a chance of better; and that there must be diamonds in her hair, or some hidden advantage on her part, of which she was herself ignorant; otherwise such advances would not be made to her; or she may apprehend some defect on the part of the lover, of which he is conscious; otherwise, he would not stoop beneath his natural expectations.

It is possible the Amanda may not have been of the same class and quality with himself. This would of itself account for the repulse. Should the eagle come from the firmament, and make his advances to the pheasant, he would find himself unsuccessful; for the brown bird would prefer a lover of her own species; or should the rein-deer, which is a most beautiful creature, woo a frog, the croaking animal would recede into the marsh, and solace itself with a paramour of its own choosing.—When, therefore, unexperienced young persons place their affections on an object, and do not find a suitable return, they ought to save their pride, and make the inference, that they had descended from their element, and fastened on an animal unworthy of their notice.

These observations, in addition to those made by the Captain to the young man, may be of use to unfortunate lovers; and if so, it will be a recompense for the trouble we have given ourselves in making them.

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CHAPTER XIX.

IT was about an hour before sunset, that the Captain fell into company with one who had the Cincinnati eagle at his breast, and riding on together, put up at an inn.

The landlady and the servants, having never seen the badge before, were a good deal struck with the effigy of the eagle, and the ribbon at which it was pendant.—Interrogating Teague, who had come in company, and whom they took to be a common servant to both, or at least acquainted with the affairs of either, what was the meaning of that bird, or what bird it was, that the gentleman had at his breast?—Teague knew as little about it as they did; but unwilling to be thought ignorant, took upon him to inform them. It is, said he, a goose; and de meaning is, dat de shentleman would ate a goose, if your anours would get one roasted dis evening, for his anour to ate with de Captain, who is my master; for we have ate nothing all day long, and a roasted goose, with a shoulder of mutton, a pace of poark, and bafe, and cabbage, and de like, would be a very good slake for a fasting stomach. So, God save your shoul, dear honey, and make haste, and get a goose knocked down and put to de fire, to keep deir anours from starving, and to go to bed in a good humour, when they have drank a cup of ale or a mug of cider after the goose, and, bless your shoul, dear honey, let it be a good large fat goose, dat dere may be a rib or a wing left, dat a poor sarvant may have something to ate, at de same time. De shentleman was very right to hold out a token, like de sign of a tavern-kaper, wid a goose, or a pigeon, or a turkey, dat paple may know what he wants, and not be after de trouble of asking whether he would choose roast bafe and parates, or poark and parsnips, may it please your anour.

The landlady was a good deal distressed, having no goose about the house. But sending out to her neighbours, she made a shift to collect a couple of ducks, which Teague acknowledged would be a very good substitute. Supper being ordered, these were served up, with an apology from the landlady, that she had not been able to procure a goose; which she hoped the gentleman with the ribbon would excuse, as she was informed that a roasted goose was so much to his taste. A roasted goose to my taste! said the officer; what reason have you to think that a roasted goose is so much my choice? Surely madam you cannot mean wit, or to insinuate that I myself am a goose? For one animal preys not upon another; the maxim is, dog will not eat dog. I cannot therefore be a goose if I eat one.

Here the landlady explained her meaning, giving the information she had received from the servant. The Captain was greatly irritated, and would have called him in and chastised him instantly, had not the officer interfered; declaring that though it was an eagle not a goose, that he wore at his breast, yet he was not dissatisfied at the mistake, in as much as it had brought a couple of good ducks to the table, a fowl of which he was particularly fond.

This incident, in itself laughable, led the officer to relate the trouble he had had with a clergyman who had made a worse mistake than this, taking the eagle for a graven image, contrary to the injunction of the decalogue, which prohibits the making any such representation for the purpose of worship, as he alleged this to be. In answer to the clergyman, he had alleged the improbability that he who had been in the service so many years, at a distance from church, or church worship, except when a deistical chaplain came in the way, should think so much of religion, as to have any worship at all; much less to have become superstitious, and to wear an image at his bosom. The truth was, that he worshipped any god, true or false, very little; at least said few or no prayers, on such occasions; and was very far from being an idolator, and paying adoration to a gold or silver image; that this was nothing more than a hieroglyphic, being the effigies of the bald eagle, which is a native of America, and designates the cause for which her soldiery had fought; in the same manner as the eagle was the standard of the Roman legion: or the lion and the unicorn are the arms of England, or the thistle that of Scotland—That the emblem of the American bald eagle had, on these principles, been chosen by the Cincinnati for their badge; of which society he was a member, and wore this device, not venerating it as the image of any bird or beast whatsoever.

The clergyman admitted that, in strictness, this symbol might not be a graven image, as the term would intend engraving on wood or metal, with the point of an instrument; and under this mental reservation, the wearer might save himself in saying that it was not a graven image: but it was at least a molten one, which comes within the meaning of the prohibition; being the representation of a fowl, and doubtless for the purpose of idolatry. For what else could be the use or meaning of it? It was not a common broche, used as a ligament to the shirt or coat; and it was unworthy of a man to suppose it could be worn merely for ornament; boys and petit-maitres delighting in these things, but no one else. It could not be any sort of time-piece, worn for the purpose of ascertaining distance. In fact, it was the portrait of a bird, the signal of some heathen deity; as the cock was sacred to Esculapius, the owl to Minerva, the peacock to Juno, and the dove to Venus. The eagle was sacred to Jupiter; and it was most probable, that it was in honour of this false god, that the image was worn.

It answered no end to reason with the ecclesiastic; for he grew but the more enraged, and insisted that it was an idol; showing from some texts of scripture, that in the last times idolaters were to spring up; and that this society, which the Cincinnati instituted, might be the Gog and Magog spoken of in the Apocalypse.

Said the Captain, it was natural enough for the clergyman to make this deduction; as in maintaining the cause of truth against Pagans, he is led to dwell much on the subject of idolatry. But for my part, the principal objection that lies with me, against your institution, is that which lies against all partial institutions, whatsoever; they cut men from the common mass, and alienate their affections from the whole, concentring their attachments to a particular point and interest. A circumstance of this kind is unfavourable to general philanthropy, giving a temporary and artificial credit to those who are of the body, amongst themselves; so that while some lend character, others borrow; and the individuals do not stand on the natural basis of their own merit. On this principle, I do not much approve of clubs and societies, unless in the case of some humane or charitable institution; or for the purpose of carrying on some beneficial work or improvement. I do not know that in your convening annually together, you have any object in view of this nature. I have not heard of any bridges you have built, or canals dug, or locks made for the purpose of facilitating navigation. I don't see of what use your institution is, unless it be, that your pronouncing an oration now and then, may be favourable to eloquence. But of this, I much doubt, as such abstract discourses usually degenerate into common-place. The great object of an oration is, to persuade the judgment, or affect the passions. In this case, the judgment is already persuaded, affections already gained. Having therefore, no object, what exertion can the mind make?—Be the cause what it may, certain it is that such compositions are seldom or ever found to be models of eloquence; more especially where the subject is of an extensive nature, as the revolution of America, and the struggles of its heroes. For here so wide a canvass is spread, that it is difficult to fill it up; and to take a particular part would seem to be a dereliction of the rest; for which dereliction no special reason could be given. You could not embrace all the characters who have risen or have fallen, or catch at particular names of the illustrious. Confining yourself, therefore, to general observations, you make no particular impression, and your orations become frigid to the hearers.

I have felt the truth of all this, said the Cincinnati gentleman, and the difficulty of composing an oration to satisfy my own wishes. For being appointed by the society to pronounce one at our next meeting, to which I am now on my way, I have been trying my hand at it, and find it as you say, very difficult; but have attributed this, not to the nature of the composition; but to the inferiority of my powers.

Not so, said the Captain; for in the hands of the greatest masters, this kind of composition labours. We do not find that even the oration of Isocrates, on the Lacedemonian war, which he was ten years in composing, has obtained such celebrity among the ancients as such great labour would bespeak. I have read the panegyric of Trajan, by Pliny, and find it but a cold composition. Plato's oration in honour of those who had fallen in the battles of Marathon and Platea, is the best of this kind that antiquity can produce, and doubtless has great excellence in the simplicity of the expression. The touches are delicate and fine, and I do not know but we may place it among the most beautiful productions. It amuses with magic wildness of fancy, at the same time, restrained and guided by an exquisite judgment. But it is rather a poem than an harangue. For though the composition is in prose, yet it breathes the soul of a bard, and is inchanting by the flow of the words, and the elevation of the images. In modern times, the best thing we have of this nature, is the panegyric of Cromwell, supposed to be written by the great Milton, but not delivered. The ingenuity discovered in the mode of praising him, deserves every possible commendation. But the greater part of addresses that I have seen to great men now-a-days, or orations on public occasions, are turgid, or jejune, and little worth our notice.

After this, said the Cincinnati gentleman, I shall hesitate to show you the essay I have made towards a composition of this nature, as you appear to be so good a judge in this respect, and to know the deficiencies that may appear in any effort of this kind.

Nay, rather, said the Captain, you ought to be the more confident in so doing; for knowing the difficulty of the work, I shall be the more ready to excuse what comes short of perfection.

I shall then take the liberty, said the Cincinnati gentleman, to read you a few paragraphs. I shall be happy to hear them, said the Captain. The Cincinnati gentleman read as follows:

Compatriots—I wish to say those things that never have been said, and that never will be said again. Because, in this case, there will be the characteristics of novelty and singularity; the two great constituents of pleasure, in all intellectual entertainments. But what can I say new? Has not the whole world resounded with the justness of the cause in which we have been engaged? with the greatness of the attempt to withstand the power of Britain? And have not we ourselves, felt, seen, and known the great variety and changes of good or bad fortune?—What will it contribute to our immediate enjoyment to go over such scenes, unless the particular achievements of each officer can be enumerated, which decency forbids, and which indeed, cannot be done in the limits of one harangue? Leaving, therefore, ourselves, and these scenes, wholly out of the question, let us speak a little of those whom we left behind. But why need we speak; for all time will speak of them. The bards that shall live, will draw hence their choicest allusions. Consider them, indeed, as more happy than you, because they ascended from among the group of their companions, who were at that time instant witnesses of their achievements. The warriors who fall in battle, are the most glorious subjects of panegyric. Hector and Achilles form the most splendid part of the song of Homer, and in a great degree, because their bodies were interred in the presence of the two armies. Oh what a noble object! an army mourning a brave officer, and tears drawn even from the foe, struck with the sublime of his personal prowess and excellent knowledge of the military art. Much unlike, and far above those who languish with sickness on a bed in calm life, where relations standing round, wish the departure of the shade, and grasp at the property which he leaves behind. But the fame of a soldier none but himself can enjoy, there can be no heir or devisee of his property. It is his own, and it mounts with him. His blood only remains to bless the earth, from which flowers and roses spring, and clothe the woods and groves with enchantment and delight. For here the song of poesy is awakened, and at morn, and noon, and at still eve, their voices are heard who rehearse where the brave fell, and where they sleep. Sublime spirits! whether you inhabit the Pagan elysium or the christian heaven, you are happy, and listen to those immortal lyres which are strung to the deeds of heroes.—

So much for the exordium of the oration; it was all he had yet written. The evening passed away in hilarity; and the conversation turned again on the Cincinnati order; but particularly what may be called the arms of the institution, viz. Britannia represented as a fine woman, with her bosom bare, affrighted, and Cincinnatus, an accoutred knight, attacking her thus unarmed, as St. George did the dragon; the eagle, the bird of Jove, in the mean time, grasping the lightning in his claws, an image that would seem unnatural: Whereas the eagle might be represented in the clouds near Jove, where the lightning might be left to work its forked course, without the handling of the eagle; and in the other figure, Cincinnatus might raise his lance against the lion that supports the crown, not against the goddess of the island.

From these strictures which the Captain, without pretending to be a connoisseur, made, the transition was easy to a criticism on the motto of the badge; viz; Omnia reliquit, servare, rempublicam. The infinitive is here used instead of the gerund, with the preposition, ad servandam; as if it was intended to express his motion, or change of place, and not the object. But in fact, the motto does not at all express that in which the merit of Cincinnatus consisted. It was not in his leaving every thing to accept the commission of the Roman senate; but in resigning his commission, and the work done, going to his plough again. His praise would have been expressed better by the phrase of Victor ad aratrum redit. In fact, it cannot apply well to our army; most of our officers not having much to leave when they accepted their commissions; but discovered a Cincinnati-like disposition, in returning after war to the employments of civil life. It is true, there would have been less tinsel, and more bullion, in the patriotism of retiring without a badge, as Cincinnatus did, but it is a thing that can do little harm, and it is pleasing to indulge a whim.

It may doubtless be said, that there were officers who left the plough, and fought, and returned to it, as well as those who are within the limitations of the institution, and entitled to a badge; that troops who had served a short enlistment, and militia persons, at least those who fought a little, were not wholly destitute of some claim to the badge of merit. Even those who lost property might be said to suffer, and advance pretensions to the reward of honour. Not that all of them should claim gold medals, or even silver; but some brass, some copper, pewter, a bit of tin, or pot-metal, just as the specific value of their services might entitle them. Perhaps while some wore it at the breast, others might be enjoined to wear it at the breeches pocket; and thus, as well by the point from which appendant, as by the bob itself, designate the proportion of their honour.

After this, some things were said on the subject of introducing honourary members; against which the Captain declared himself: That every thing ought to be preserved sui generis: as nature makes no honorary animals; but all are of the species, or take not the name; a bear is a real bear, a sheep is a sheep; and there is no commixture of name, where there is a difference of nature. But it did not appear to be of any great consequence, one way or the other; for the order would never come to any great head, as there was no opposition given which is necessary to keep alive attachment to what is arbitrary and founded not in utility but caprice. For as the fire dies without air, so whim without contradiction.

The officer was a man of liberality and good sense, and acknowledged the truth of this. But the evening being now far spent, candles were called for, and they went to bed.

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POSTSCRIPT.

THE preceding pages were written several years ago; during which time the Captain has continued his travels; and having been favoured with his journal, I have occasionally made extracts, and put them in the form of a continued history. Whether I shall publish any more, will depend on the reception of this.

I had first begun this work in verse, and have a volume by me, about two parts in three as large as Butler's Hudibrass; from which composition, I have extracted this; thinking it might be more acceptable in prose. When I visit this city next, I may produce that in verse, and let the people take their choice.

It is a happiness to a man to be able to amuse himself with writing. For it is not every one that can play upon the violin, or the flute; and the fingers must be employed some way. I may be blamed in not choosing some subject worthier of my studies, and requiring a profound research. It might profit the world more; but it would amuse myself less. Omnis labor improbus; and toil is grievous. However, I have not been wholly inattentive to severer studies. I have several law tracts by me: for which I mean, in due time, to solicit a subscription. Nonum prematur annum, in every work of moment, ought to be observed.

There are some light things which I may in the mean time throw out; a comparison of Thucydides with Livy; thoughts on the Egyptian hieroglyphics, and on the Carthagenian commerce; a comparison of the French and English eloquence; a supplement to Buffon, containing a description of several genera of animals, not taken notice of by him; hints for the improvement of the microscope; on the criminal code of the Siamese, &c.

If the world will excuse these, I will give them my word for it, they shall be troubled little more; for except the examining my law tracts, I shall drop my pen, finding it, as I advance in life, more advisable to apply myself to making money. What things have been written, and are now lying by me, may occasionally see light.

It is a good deal owing to my solitary residence in the western country, at a distance from books and literary conversation, that I have been led to write at all. It was necessary to fill up the interstices of business. If I should remain in that country, the same circumstance may lead me to write still. If I should remove to this city, or the seat of the federal government, I shall avoid the tedium by other means.

I wish the present book to sell for at least as much as will defray the expense of printing; for I have no inclination to lose by it. If I had a little time to stay in town, I could give it some celebrity by extracts, and remarks upon it; publishing for and against. For it is of no consequence how a book becomes famous, provided that it is famous.

The truth is, as I have said, I value this book for little but the stile. This I have formed on the model of Xenophon, and Swift's Tale of a Tub, and Gulliver's Travels. It is simple, natural, various, and forcible. I hope to see it made a school book; a kind of classic of the English language.

In looking over it, I find in the whole work but one word I would alter; it is near the beginning; where I say figure on the stage,* instead of appear, or make a figure on the stage. I carefully avoided the word unfounded instead of groundless, a word in vogue, among members of Congress especially. The word commit , is good, but being lately introduced, and too much hackneyed, I have not used it.

[*It is altered in this edition.]

Language being the vestment of thought, it comes within the rules of other dress; so that as slovenliness, on the one hand, or foppery, on the other, is to be avoided in our attire; so also in our speech, and writing. Simplicity in the one and the other, is the greatest beauty.

We do not know at what time the Greek language began to be written as it was by Hesiod or Homer. But we find it to have continued with little or no change, from that time to the latest writers among the Byzantine historians, a period of more than three thousand years. The Roman language is considered as improving from the time of Ennius to the Augustine age. The language of the orators, poets, and historians of that time is standard. It was not so much in the use of particular words, as an affectation in thought, that Senaca is censured as corrupting the language of the Romans. But Tacitus, after him, writes in a pure stile; and I have found but one conceit in expression, in his whole history. Meaning to give the geography of a country of a certain tribe of the Germans; they are, says he, separated from the Sequani by mount Jura, from the——by the lake——, from the——by the river——, and from the Atabani by mutual fear. I do not find so much fault with the stile of Pliny, as the heaviness of his thoughts and expressions. However, the Latin stile of writing retained its propriety and other excellencies tolerably well, till the monks got possession of it, and brought it down to a jargon that is now exploded; and we recur to the pure originals of Horace, Virgil, Cicero, and Sallust.

The French language is corrupting fast; and not in the use of words, but in the affectation of surprise, in the structure of the sentence, or the turn of the expression. Mirabeau was free from this; but not the Abbe Raynal. To give an example: meaning to say, which he might have done in a simple manner, that about the time the English cast their eyes upon Goa, as a place where, &c. stating the advantages of such a port; he begins by telling you, that the English had occasion for such a port, which, &c. enumerating the advantages; and after this, with surprise comes upon you, and tells you, they wanted Goa Enfin, says he; that is, in fine they wanted Goa.

The English language is undoubtedly written better in America than in England, especially since the time of that literary dunce, Samuel Johnson, who was totally destitute of taste for the vrai naturelle or simplicity of nature.

The language of the Scots writers is chaste, but the structure of the sentence of the academic Dr. Robertson, offends in this particular; his uniformity of period striking the ear with the same pulse, as the couplets of our rhyme in Dryden and Pope. Hume is superior to him in this respect, writing as naturally as a man speaks; his stile rising and falling with the subject, as the movements of the mind themselves.

I am quite out of patience with this Postscript. I have written it hastily, the Printer informing me that he had a few pages of the last sheet to fill, which must be left a blank unless I had something more; but as I am in a hurry about some small matters, and have no disposition to write, I believe I shall conclude, and let him leave the remainder blank, or put in a paragraph of his own if he chooses it.

BOOK II.

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CHAPTER I.

Containing Preliminary Observations.

I AM very happy in the composition of this work; for though but of a trifling nature as to sentiment; yet, in what I do write, no one can attribute to me the least tincture of satire, or ridicule of individuals or public bodies. This is what I very much dislike in others, and would be far from indulging in myself. I acknowledge, that in my earlier years, and in the course of my academical studies, I had contracted some taste, and even habit, this way; owing to my reading the dialogues of Lucien, in the original Greek. Had I read them in translation, they might have made less impression. But by means of a difficult language, studying them slowly, the turn of thought became more deeply impressed upon my mind. Moreover, afterwards, when I came to have some acquaintance with the modern wits, such as Cervantes, Le Sage, and especially Swift, I found myself still more inclined to an ironical and ludicrous way of thinking and writing. But finding the bad effects of this, in many respects, leading me into broils with individuals, and rendering me obnoxious to public bodies, I saw the indiscretion, and bad policy of such indulgence; and have for several years past, carefully avoided every thing of this kind. It is indeed acting but a poor part in life, to make a business of laughing at the follies of others. It is injurious to one's self; for there is a great deal more to be gained by soothing and praising what men do, than by finding fault with them. It may be said of satire, what was said of anger by some philosopher. It never pays the service it requires. It is your scratching, rump-tickling people, that get into place and power. I never know any good come of wit and humour yet. They are talents which keep the owner down. For this reason, I have taken care to repress all propensity to this vice; and I believe I can say it with truth, that since I have come to the years of a man's understanding, I have carefully avoided every thing of this nature. Had it not been for this prudence, I should not have been in a fair way, as I am now, to be a member of congress, or a judge on the bench, or governor of a commonwealth, or secretary of state, or any thing that I may have in view. Had I remained an admirer of Rabelais, or Sterne, or other biting, jeering writers, that I at first met with, I might at this day have been considered as a wit only, without the least advancement in state affairs. But I would sooner see your Juniuses, and your Peter Pindars, libelling kings and ministers, at hell, than sacrifice my interest to my passion, or my vanity, by strokes of wit, which is but another name for ill-nature.

In this treatise, which is simply a relation of the adventures of an individual, I have nothing to do with strictures upon particular persons, or the affairs of men in general, and so have no temptation to the folly I have just mentioned. The reader, if any body ever reads it, will find nothing here but philanthropic and benevolent ideas.

Indeed, as it has been known that I was engaged in writing something, persons who either took, or pretended to take, some interest in my affairs, have urged me very much to depart a little from my usual way, and make use of a little irony, by way of seasoning to the composition: for, in this case, it would be received better, and procure more readers; mankind being naturally delighted with ridicule.—But the truth was, I could see nothing to be ironical about; owing, perhaps, to my not being in the habit of looking for the ridiculous, and so having lost the talent of discovering it. But my resolution that I had taken would have fully preserved me from such a lapse, however numerous the objects of ridicule might be, that presented themselves. This will serve as an apology to those who have solicited me on this head, and relieve me from such solicitations for the future.

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CHAPTER II.

RISING early next morning, the Captain proceeded, with his man Teague, on his journey, and having breakfasted at an inn, where nothing material happened, we shall pass it over, and come as far down in the day as 11 o'clock; though, by the bye, it might have been more correct to have said up in the day, because the sun rises until twelve o'clock, and then descends: but waving this nicety, we shall go on to relate what actually took place. A man was seen before them, driving, leisurely, a horse with two kegs upon his back. The Captain took him for what is called a pack-horse man, that was carrying salt or sugar to some place of market. A man of philosophic turn of mind never hesitates to enter into conversation with any character; because human nature is the field whence he gathers thoughts and expressions. The Captain therefore accosting this man, said, is it salt or molasses you have in your kegs, countryman? You are going home from some warehouse, I suppose, where you have been dealing; or going to set up a small shop of your own, and vend goods. No, said the man, with a Scotch-Irish pronunciation, there is an election this day a little ways before us, and I am setting up for the legislature, and have these two kegs of whiskey to give a dram to the voters. The Captain was thrown into a reverie of thought, and began to reflect with himself on the nature of a republican government, where canvassing by such means as this, can work so great an evil as to elevate the most unqualified persons to the highest stations. But, in the mean time, roused a little from his thought, he had presence of mind to recollect the danger in which he was about to be involved afresh with his man Teague; whom, now looking round he saw to be about forty yards behind him. It would have been advisable to have diverted him from the road, and taken a circuitous route, to avoid the election ground. But as the devil, or some worse being, would have it, it was a lane in which they were, with a fence on each side; so that he could not divert without leaping like a fox-hunter, or one of your light-horse men, to which the sober nag on which he rode was not competent. Besides if Teague did not leap after him, he would be left exposed in the lane to the populace, who might solicit him to be their representative. To turn directly back would appear indecorous, and unless he could urge Teague on before him, which was not customary, and to which he might not all at once submit, his station would of course be in the rear, where he might be picked up as a straggler, and sent to some public body.

In this quandary of thought, looking up, he saw the breakers just a head; that is, the people met for the purpose of electing, and that it was now impossible to avoid them. Depending, therefore, on his own address to make the best of circumstances, he suffered himself to be carried along towards them, keeping, in the mean time, an eye upon Teague, who was the cause of his concern.

Meeting accidentally with a Scotch gentleman on the ground, whom he knew, he communicated to him the delicacy of his situation, and the apprehensions he had on the part of Teague. Said the Scotch gentleman, Ye need na gie yoursel any trouble on that head man; for I sal warrant the man wi the twa kegs will carry the election; there is na resisting guid liquor; it has an unco effec on the judgment in the choice of a representative. The man that has a distillery or twa in the country, canna want suffrages. He has his votaries about him like ane o'the Heathen Gods, and because the fluid exhilerates the brain, they might think he maun be a deity that makes it; and they fa' down, especially when they have drank ower muckle, and worship him, just as at the shrine of Apollo or Bacchus, among the ancients.

The candidate that opposed the man of the two kegs, was a person of gravity and years, and said to be of good sense and experience. The judgment of the people was in his favour, but their appetite leaned against him.

There is a story of one Manlius, a Roman, who had saved the capitol from the Gauls, by putting his breast to the ramparts, and throwing them down as they ascended. When this man afterwards, elated with the honours paid him, forgot the duties of a citizen, wishing to subvert the republic, by usurping power; the people, jealous of liberty, were incensed; and being convicted of the crime, he was dragged to punishment. It was not the way at that time, to hang, as you would a dog; or behead, as you would a wild beast; but to throw from a high rock, which they called the Tarpeian. The capitol was just in view, and while they were dragging him along to the place, he would stretch his hand towards it; as much as to say, There, O Romans, I saved you: The populace at this would stop a while, irresolute whether to desist or drag him on. While they recollected his offence, they marched a step; but when they cast their eye on the capitol, they stood still; and not until some principal men directed the route out of the view of the capitol, could he be brought to justice.

So it was with the multitude convened on this occasion, between the man with the two kegs and the grave-looking person. When they looked on the one, they felt an inclination to promote him. But when again on the other hand, they saw two kegs which they knew to be replenished with a very cheering liquor, they seemed to be inclined in favour of the other.

But appetite prevailed, and they gave their votes in favour of the man with the two kegs.

Teague in the mean time, thinking he had another chance of being a great man, had been busy, but to no purpose: for the people gave their votes to the man of the two kegs. The Captain thought himself fortunate to be thus relieved, and proceeded on his journey.

The perplexity of the Captain, in the late transaction on account of his servant, may serve to put those in mind who travel with a waiter, not to go much about at the election seasons, but avoid them as you would the equinoxes. It might not be amiss if, for this reason the times of electing members for the several bodies were put down in the almanac, that a man might be safe in his excursions, and not have an understrapper picked up when he could not well spare him.

I mean this as no burlesque on the present generation; for mankind in all ages have had the same propensity to magnify what was small, and elevate the low. We do not find that the Egyptians, though there were lions in the kingdom of Libya, not far distant, ever made a god of one of them. They rather chose the cow kind, the stork, and the crocodile, or the musk-rat, or mire-snipe, or other inferior animal, for an object of deification. The Romans, and the Greeks also, often worshipped small matters. Indeed we do not find amongst any nation, that the elephant, or rhinoceros, or elk, or unicorn, have been made tutelar divinities. As,

Cannons shoot the higher pitches,
The lower you put down their breeches.—

The smaller the objects we take up, and make great, the act is the greater; for it requires an equal art in the formation of the glass to magnify as to diminish, and if the object is not of itself small, there is no magnifying. Caligula is celebrated for making his horse a senator. It would have been nothing to have made a Roman Knight one; but to endow a mere quadruped with the qualities of a legislator, bespeaks great strength of parts and judgment.

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CHAPTER III.

IT was about three o'clock in the afternoon that the Captain came to an inn, where unhorsing and unsaddling, Teague took the steed, and the master went to sleep on a sofa in the passage. Unless it is in a very deep sleep, the mind is in some degree awake, and has what are called dreams. These are frequently composed of a recollection of late events. Sometimes the mind recovers incidents long since past, and makes comments, but most usually, out of mere indolence, takes up with what is next at hand. It happened so on this occasion; for the Captain thought himself still in conversation with the Scotchman on the subject of the late election. It seemed to him that he said, Mr. M'Donald, for that was the name of the Scotch gentleman—You do not seem to have a high opinion of our republican form of government, when the most contemptible can obtain the people's suffrage.

The Scotchman seemed to answer in his own dialect, saying, Ye are much mistaken man, if ye draw that conclusion. I think there is a worse chance for merit to come forth where appointments are in the hand of one than when with many; for it is much easier to scratch the rump of one, than to tickle the hurdies o' a thousand. Ye see our executive dinna do much better in their appointments to judicial and ministerial offices, than the rabble folk themselves to the legislative. It all comes to the same thing in every government; the wind blaws, and the feathers and the fern get uppermost.

At this instant he was awakened by a bustle out of doors.—The fact was; a disagreement had taken place between Teague and the hostler at the inn, about their skill respectively in rubbing down and currying horses. Teague had made use of a single grab of hay, which he held with both hands, and impressed the horse, rubbing him from side to side, and up and down with all his might. The other with a wisp in each hand, rubbed; the right hand passing to the left, while the left hand passed to the right, in a traverse or diagonal direction. The hostler valued himself on having been groom, as he pretended, to some nobleman in England, and therefore must be supposed to understand the true art of currying. Teague maintained his opinion, and way of working with a good deal of obstinacy, until at last it came to blows. The first stroke was given by Teague, who hit the hostler on the left haunch with his foot, when he was stooping down to show Teague how to rub the fetlock. The hostler recovering, and seizing Teague by the breast, pushed him back with a retrograde motion, until he was brought up by a cheek of the stable door. Resting against this, Teague made a sally, and impelled his antagonist several yards back, who finding at length behind him the support of a standing trough which the carriers used for a manger to feed their horses, recovered his position, and elanced Teague some distance from the place of projection. But Teague still keeping hold of the collar of his adversary, had brought him along with him, and both were now on the ground struggling for victory. But, Teague turning on his belly, and drawing up his knees, was making an effort to raise himself to his feet. The other in the mean time, partly by the same means, and partly by retaining hold of the Irishman, was in the attitude of rising with him. They were now both up, locked fast in the grasp of each other, their heads inclining in conjunction, but their feet apart, like muskets stacked after a review, or like the arch of a bridge. The head of each supported by the abutment of the feet. Few blows were given, and therefore not much damage done. But the persons present calling out fair play, and making a bustle in the porch of the inn, had awakened the Captain, and brought him to the door, who, seeing what was going on, took upon him to command the peace; and the people supposing him to be a magistrate, assisted to part the combatants; when the Captain ordering both of them before him, made enquiry into the cause of the dispute. Teague gave his account of the matter; adding, that if he had had a shalellah, he would have been after making him know dat de paple in dis country, could curry a horse, or a cow, or a shape, as well as any Englishman in de world, though he have been hastler to a great lord, or the king himself, at his own stable where he has his harse.

Teague, said the Captain, this may be true; but it was unbecoming a philosopher, to attempt to establish this by blows. Force proves nothing but the quantum of the force. Reason is the only argument that belongs to man. You have been the aggressor, and therefore in the power of the law. But as to you, Mr. Hostler, you have given provocation; I have had this lad with me several years, and I say that he curries and rubs down a horse well. It is no uncommon thing for men of your country, to undervalue other nations. You naturally associate your own attainments with the bulk and populousness of large cities: but can the looking at a large building, or a tall spire, add an inch to your stature? Because Fox is eloquent, is every one that hears him so too? Is not human ingenuity the same here as on the other side of the water? Our generals have fought as well, in the late war, as any Clinton or Cornwallis that you have. Our politicians have wrote, and our patriots have spoke, as well as your Burkes, or your Sheridans, or any other; and yet when you come here, there is no bearing the airs of superiority you take upon yourselves. I wonder if the wasps that are in your London garrets, consider themselves better than the wasps that are in these woods? I should suppose it must be so; such is the contemptible vanity of an island, which, taken in its whole extent, would be little more than a urinal to one of our Patagonians in South America.

This the Captain said to mortify the hostler; though by the bye, there is a good deal of truth in the observation, that the people of an old country undervalue the new; and when they think of themselves, conjoin the adventitious circumstances of all that exists where they have lived. I have found a prejudice of this nature even with the wisest men. What wonder, therefore, that a poor illiterate hostler should be subject to it? But if he did undervalue an American born, yet he ought to have considered that Teague, though not born in Britain, was born near it, and therefore might considerably approach the same skill in any handy-craft work.

In natural history, we do not value animals on account of the place from whence they are taken but on account of what they are themselves; and in things that are made by hands, not by the manufacturer, but by the quality. We prefer the trout of the rivulet, to the mullet of the river; and we judge of the pudding not by the maker, but the eating. There is a proverb that establishes this; for proverbs are the deductions of experience, and to which we assent as soon as expressed; containing in them an obvious truth, which the simplest understand.

It is not for the sake of any moral, that I have related this scuffle that took place between the Irishman and the hostler; but for the sake of showing in what manner incidents are to be related; that is, with great simplicity of stile, and minuteness of description. That part of Livy which contains the combat of the Horatii, and the Curatii, is frequently given to the students at a college to translate, that by this means they may be taught to imitate the like delicacy in the choice of words, and particularity of the recital. The above may answer the same purpose. It is true, there is not the like incidents in this combat, as in that described by Livy; nevertheless, the same art is herein discovered, as the sound critic will observe. I know it will be thought by any one who reads it, that he could use the very same words, and give the same liveliness of picture, were he to attempt it. Should he try it, he will find himself disappointed. Suder multum, frustraque laboret, ausus idem.

It may be thought, that though styl is my object, yet I might now and then bring in a thought to entertain the reader, and introduce some subject of moment, rather than the fisty-cuffs of two raggamuffins. I would just ask this question: Is not the talent of the artist shown as much in painting a fly, as a waggon wheel? If this were intended as a book of morals, or physiology, and not as a mere belle lettre composition, there might be something said; as the case is, critics must be silent.

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CHAPTER IV.

I shall pass over the circumstances of the Captain's dining, and Teague, reconciled with the hostler, taking his mess in the kitchen; and go on to what befel afterwards, when, having saddled the horse, they set out on their further perigrination.

Towards evening, when the shadows of the trees began to be long, the Captain bidding Teague trot along side, addressed him in the following words: Teague, said he, it is true I am none of your knight-errants, who used to ride about the world relieving fair damsels, and killing giants, and lying out in woods, and forests, without a house, or tent cloth over their heads, to protect them from the night air. Nevertheless, as in some respects my equipment, and sallying forth, resembles a knight-errant and you a squire, would it be amiss, just for a frolick to lie out a night or two, that it might be said that we have done the like? There is no great danger of wolves or bears, for while there are sheep or pigs to be got at, they will shun human flesh. It will make a good chapter in our journal, to describe you lying at the foot of an oak, and me, with my head upon my saddle, under another; the horse, in the mean time, feeding at a small distance.

Teague thought it would be an easier matter to write down the chapter in the journal, than lie under the trees to beget it.

It is true, said the Captain, navigators and travellers make many a fiction; and those who have been in battle have killed many that were killed by others, or have not been killed at all. But it would ill become a limb of Chivalry to deviate from the truth. It will be about twelve hour's service lying on our backs and looking up to the stars, hearing the howling of wolves, and observing the great bear in the heavens, the means by which the Chaldeans, the first astronomers, laid the foundation of the science.

Fait, and I tink, said Teague, it would be better to be in a good house, wid a shoulder of mutton to ate, before we go to slape, than to have our own shoulders tarn by the bears, or bruised by lying under great oaks. Of what use is this astranomy? Did any of dese astranomers ever shoot down a bear in de firmament, to get a joint of mate for a sick person; and what good comes of lying in de woods, to be ate up by de snakes; but fevers, and agues, and sore throats, to get a long cough and die in a ditch like a dead horse, and be nothing tho't of, but be trown into ridicule like a block-head dat has no sense. It is better to go to a house and get a bed to slape in, and warm shates about us, dan be lying in de dew like a frag, croacking de next day like one of dase, and get no good by it.

The Captain had made the proposition merely to amuse himself with Teague, and so did not insist upon it.

Riding one or two miles, the sun was setting, and a house appeared in view a little off the road. A lane led up to it, with a meadow on one side, and a pasture field on the other. On this last, there were cattle of cows and sheep grazing. The house in front was a frame building, respectable in appearance, from the height and dimensions; but ancient. There was a considerable extent of clear ground around it, and an orchard hard by, with at least five hundred apple trees.

Having lodged chiefly at inns since his first setting out, the Captain had the curiosity to diversify his travels, by lodging at a private house this evening. Accordingly riding up to the door, and calling out halloa, which is the note of interrogation which is used when a man wishes the master or mistress of a family, or some one of the servants to come forth, to know what he wants,—It happened that the mistress herself came to the door, and seeing a good looking man, in a green old age, sitting on horseback, with his servant ready to take care of his steed should he think proper to dismount, she made a low courtsey, as much as to say, Sir, I should be happy to know in what manner I can serve you.

Madam, said the Captain, to tell you the truth, the night is drawing on, and I have been reflecting with myself, whether it were better to lodge in the woods or take a house. All things considered, I have thought it most advisable to take a house: and the only question that now remains is, whether I can get one?

The lady smiling with much complacency, and inclining her head forward, and her middle back, replied, I should be happy, sir, if this small mansion could afford you an accommodation worthy of your suite. Madam, said the Captain, I shall be happy if the guest can be worthy of the accommodation. Alight, sir, said the lady, we shall be happy to receive you.

Having alighted, he was introduced to a very decent apartment, where the lady, seating herself in a large cushioned chair, and pulling out her box, took a pinch of snuff, and laid the box upon the cushion. She was a good looking woman, being about fifty-seven years of age, with grey hairs, but a green fillet on her left eye-brow, as it seems the eye on that side was subject to a defluxion of rheum, which made it expedient to cover it. It could not be said that her teeth were bad, because she had none. If she wanted the rose on her cheek, she had it on her nose, so that it all came to the same thing. Nothing could be said against her chin, but it used her mouth ill in getting above it. She could not be said to be very tall, but what she wanted in height, she made up in breadth; so that multiplying one dimension with the other, she might be considered as a very sizable woman.

After conversing a little while, the lady withdrew, to give directions in the kitchen what to provide for supper. The Captain, in the mean time, taking up a pipe, which he saw on the mantle-piece, amused himself with a whiff.

The old lady, in the mean time was in the kitchen, and the first thing she observed was Teague, reclining in an angle of the chimney fast asleep. Presuming that he had been inattentive to his master's horse, which had been sent to the stable, she desired a servant to give him a jog and wake. Teague awaking, saw the old lady and addressed her; Dear madam, what a great happiness it is for poor sharvants to have gentle folks about them; God bless your anour's lady: you are just for all de world like my cousin Shala Shagney, de handsomest woman in all Ireland, and was married to Shan Crossan, who had a great estate, and a flock of shape into the bargain. She used to say to me when I was aslape, Teague, are you awake; and when I was awake, Teague, are you aslape my dear honey?

There is something in an Irishman which has an admirable effect upon the fair; whether it is owing to that love-creating lustiness of person and freshness of complexion which they usually possess; or the delicacy and quantum of the flattery of which they are not niggardly: nor need they be so, no persons having a greater stock to come and go upon. So it was, that the language of the bog-trotter had gained the good will of this same Hecuba, and she ordered him a tankard of metheglin, to make himself merry with the servants.

Returning to the parlour she continued her conversation with the Captain; but her mind running upon Teague, she could not avoid introducing his name, with a view to learn some particulars of his history. This is a civil young man, said she, that came with you, and of a conversation above ordinary persons. The Captain being an observer of the passions of the mind, as they express themselves in the eye and aspect, saw that Teague had made some impression on the affections of this goodly old maiden gentlewoman: Nor was he displeased with it; for his first alarm was, that she would have fastened upon himself; but her passion taking this course would be less troublesome. Framing his answers therefore to her questions, with a view to favour what she had so fortunately commenced, he gave her to understand that, though in the disguise of a servant, Teague was no inconsiderable personage; that he had been a member of Congress one or two years; though, by the bye, this was stretching the matter a little, as he had only had it in his power to be one. But if it is allowable to strain a point at all, it is in the recommendation of one who stands well enough already; for not being taken on the recommendation, there is no deception; and it is but civility to make one more pleased with their choice, than they already are.

The Captain said nothing of his having preached, or being about to preach; for the idea of sermons and catechisms, impressing the mind with religious awe, is unfavourable to love. As to his being a member of the philosophical society, it could be neither here nor there with a lady, and therefore he was silent with respect to this also.

Supper being brought in, they sat down; but little conversation passed; the mind of the enamorata being more in the kitchen than in the parlour. After supper, the Captain sitting sometime, and seeming drowsy, was asked by his hostess, if he chose to go to bed: Answering in the affirmative, a servant waited with a candle; and bidding her good night, he was lighted to his chamber.

No sooner had he withdrawn, but the old lady sent her compliments to Teague, to take a seat in the parlour; where sitting down to a roasted duck, just brought in, a few slices of gammon on a plate, a piece of veal, and a couple of roasted potatoes, he was desired to partake: the old lady casting amorous looks at him, in the mean time. I say looks, for though she had but one eye to look with, yet looking often, she might be said to cast looks. It was a new thing to the Irishman to be at a table with a servant at his back; and he began now to think that fortune meant to do him justice: and with an ease and self-possession, which some would call effrontery, he did the honours of the table; helping himself, and talking as fast as consisted with his disposition to satisfy his appetite. May it please your ladyship, said he, I am a poor sharvant now, but I have seen de time, when I have ate at as good a table as de Captain my master, though he rides upon a horse, and I trot on foot. My uncle, by the mother's side Shan O'Gan, had a deer park, and kept race-horses, to go to de fair, and de city of Cork; and my father's brother, Phelim O'Regan, was a justice of pace, and hung paple for staleing shape. I might have been a member of parliament, if I had staid at home and went to school; but sending a challenge, and fighting wid my own dear cousin, Denis O'Connelly, I had to fly de kingdom, and brought nothing wid me but my brogues, and ten guineas in my purse; and am now noting but a poor sharvant, unless your ladyship would take pity upon me, and marry me; for I am wary of this way of tratting after a crazy Captain, dat has no sense to curry his own harse; and I have to fight duels for him, and keep him from being knocked down like a brute baste; for dis very day, when he had a quarrel wid a hastler, and was trown upon his back, I lifted him up, and said, Dear honey, are you dead? took de hastler by de troat, and choaked him, and he could not spake, but said, Dear shentlemen, spare my life! so dat if your ladyship will take me to yourself, I will stay wid you, and take care of de harses, and cows, and de shape, and plant parates, and slape wid you, and ask not a farthing, but your own sweet self into de bargain; for you are de beauty of de world! and fasting or slaping, I could take you to my arms, dear crature, and be happy wid you.

The lady was by this time entirely won, and gave him to understand, that in the morning, after consulting a friend or two, the marriage might be celebrated.

I give only a sketch of the courtship that took place, for a great deal was said: and it was near midnight before the lovers could prevail upon themselves to part; when Teague was lighted to his bed, and had as good as that in which the Captain slept, which was a new thing to him, being accustomed to pig in with hostlers and servants, at the places where they lodged.

The Captain was up early in the morning, and astonished not to find Teague stirring, but enquiring of the servants where Teague slept, he was shown up a pair of stairs, which he ascended, thinking he had one or two more to ascend before he reached the garret. But what was his astonishment when he was shown into a room on the second floor, where he found Teague snoring on a feather bed with curtains! Waking him, Teague, said he, this goes beyond all your former impudence: to crawl up out of the kitchen and get into a fe ather bed.—Please your anour, said Teague, to ring a bell, and call up a sharvant, to bring boots and slippers, for I am to be married dis marning.

The Captain was thunder-struck; and comprehending the whole of what had taken place, saw his faux pas in recommending him to the hostess; and now it only remained, to cure the blunder he had made, if it was at all curable.

We are short sighted mortals; and while we stop one leak, the water rushes in at another. The very means that we use to save ourselves from one evil, leads us to a worse. The Captain had need on this occasion of all his address. Composing himself, he dissembled, and spoke as follows:

Teague, said he, will you that are a young man, and have great prospects before you, consign yourself to the arms of an old woman? Her breath will kill you in the course of a fortnight. The fact is, she is a witch, and enchantress; she made the same proposition to me last night, of marrying me, but I declined it. The world is full of these sort of cattle. There was one Shagnesa Circe, in old times, that used to gather all she could in her net, and transform them into hogs. Ulysses was the only one that had the sense to keep clear of her music, and avoid her. Did you see that drove of hogs before the door, when we rode up last evening? They are nothing more than stragglers which she has transformed into swine. I did not sleep a wink last night, thinking of the danger to which you were exposed, and indeed I expected nothing less, than a barrow, fattened up for a feast, a day or two hence. Did you think such an old haridan as this can have any natural concupiscence for a man; or if she has it is for a few days only, until she can make him fit for slaughter. Then by throwing a little water on him, or by the bare blowing of her breath, she makes a beef-cow, or hog-meat of him, and he finds the knife at his throat, and scalding water taking off his bristles, and his guts out, and is into the pickling tub before he knows what he is about. Do you think, Teague, that I have read books for nothing? Have you not seen me in my study, morning and night, looking over Greek and Hebrew letters, like partridge-tracks? All this to find out what was going up and down the world. Many a history of witches and conjurers, I have read, and know them when I see them, just as I would my own sheep, when I am at home: Better indeed, for unless my sheep are marked, I could not know them; but marked or not marked, I know witches; and if I cam not mistaken, this is the greatest witch that ever run. She was all night in my room, in the shape of a cat. It is a great mercy, that she had not changed herself into an alligator, and eat you up before the morning. When I came into the room I expected to find nothing else but bones, and particles of hair, the remnant of her repast; but it seems she has thought you not fat enough, and has given you a day or two to run, to improve your flesh and take the salt better. The worst thing, after transformation, is the having you cut, in order to make you fatter and better pork, which is generally done the first day; and castration is a painful operation, besides the loss of the part. I have had several of my acquaintances treated in this manner, falling in with old women whom they took for fortunes; but were in reality witches, and had dealings with the devil.

Teague by this time was out of bed, and had dressed himself in his overalls and short coat, and was ready for a march. Indeed he wished to escape as soon as possible; and descending the stairs, going to the stable, and saddling the horse, they both set out without taking leave. It was in this manner Eneas quitted Dido, and got a ship-board, before she was awake; and the only difference was, that Teague had left no little Iulus in the hall, to put her in mind of the father.

Travelling along, the Captain could not but observe to Teague, the injudicious choice he was about to make, even had the woman not been a necromancer.—For the man who surrenders himself to the arms of a superannuated female, for the sake of fortune, acts a part not less unworthy and disgraceful, than the prostitute who does the same for half a crown. While a man has the use of his limbs and arms, he ought to be above such mercenary motives; and true happiness can be found only in congruity, and what is natural.

Teague seemed still to have some hankering after the ducks, and the feather bed, but as they proceeded, the recollection became more faint, for distance and time, is the cure of all passions.

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CHAPTER V.

PROCEEDING four or five miles, they breakfasted; and afterwards, going on a mile or two further, they came to a church where a number of people were convened, to hear the decision of an ecclesiastical consistory, met there on an affair which came before them. It was this; Two men appeared, the one of a grave aspect, with a black coat: the other without the same clerical colour of garb, but with papers in his pocket which announced his authority to preach, and officiate as a clergyman. The man with the black coat, averred, that coming over together, in a vessel from Ireland, they had been mess-mates; and while he was asleep one night, being drowsy after prayers, the other had stolen his credentials from his pocket. The man in possession of the papers, averred they were his own, and that the other had taken his coat, and by advantage of the cloth, thought to pass for what he was not.

The consistory found it difficult, without the aid of inspiration, to decide; and that faculty having now ceased, there were no other means, that they could discover, to bring the truth to light.

The Captain being informed of this perplexity, could not avoid stepping up, and addressing them as follows: Gentlemen, said he, there is a text in your own scripture, which I think might enable you to decide: It is this, "by their fruits ye shall know them." Let the two men preach: and the best sermon take the purse; or laying aside the figure, let him that expounds the scripture best, be adjudged the clergyman.

The proposition seemed reasonable, and was adopted; the competitors being desired to withdraw a little, and con over their notes, that they might be ready to deliver a discourse respectively.

The Captain, observing the countenance of him in possession of the papers, was sensible, from his paleness and dejection of aspect, that he was the imposter. Going out therefore shortly after, and falling in with him as he walked in a melancholy mood, at a little distance from the church, he said to him, I perceive how it is, that the other is the preacher; nevertheless I would wish to assist you, and as I have been the means of bringing you into this predicament, I should be disposed to bring you out.—Let me know how the case really stands.

The other candidly acknowledged that having been a yarn merchant in Ireland, his capital had failed, and he had thought proper to embark for this country; and coming over with this clergyman, he had purloined his papers, and would have taken his coat, had it not been too little for him; a thing which never struck the ecclesiastical tribunal. But the matter being now reduced to an actual experiment of talents, he was at a loss; for he had never preached a sermon in his life. It was true, he had heard sermons and lectures in abundance; and had he been suffered to go on and to preach at his leisure amongst the country people first, he might have done well enough; but to make his first essay in the presence of a learned body of the clergy, would hazard a detection; but now he saw his oversight in not having taken the notes of the other, at the same time he took the vouchers of his mission.

The Captain encouraged him by observing, that there were few bodies, ecclesiastical or civil, in which there were more than one or two men of sense; that the majority of this consistory, might be as easily imposed upon as the lay people; that a good deal would depend on the text that he took: some were easily preached upon, others more difficult. An historical passage about Nimrod, or Nebuchadnezzar, or Sihon, king of the Amorites, or Ogg, king of Bashan; out of Genesis, or Deuteronomy, or the book of judges, or kings, would do very well; but that he should avoid carefully the book of Job, the Psalms of David, and the Proverbs of Solomon; these requiring a considerable theological knowledge, or at least moral discussion and reflection. Keep a good heart, said he, and attempt the matter. The issue may be better than you apprehend.

With this, taking him a little further to the one side where his horse was tied, he took out a bottle from his saddle-bags, with a little whiskey in it, which Teague had put there, and gave him a dram. This had a good effect, and raised his spirits, and he seemed now ready to enter the lists with his antagonist.

The other, in the mean time, had gone in, and was ready, when called upon to hold forth. The man with the papers returning with the Captain not far behind took his seat. The board signified that one or the other might ascend the pulpit. The credential man, wishing to gain time to think farther what he was about to say, but affecting politeness, yielded precedence to the other, and desired him to preach first. Accordingly stepping up, he took his text and began.

THE SERMON.

Prov. viii. 33. Hear instruction and be wise, and refuse it not.

INSISTING on these words, I shall enquire—1. Whence it is that men are averse to instruction.—2. The misfortune of this disposition. Lastly, Conclude with inferences from the subject.

1. Whence it is that men are averse to instruction. The first principle is indolence. The mind loves ease, and does not wish to be at the trouble of thinking. It is hard to collect ideas, and still harder to compose them; it is like rowing a boat: whereas acting without thought, it is like sailing before the wind, and the tide in our favour.

The second principle is pride. It wounds the self-love of men to suppose that they need instruction. We resent more the being called fools than knaves. No man will own himself weak and uninformed. In fact, he has not humility to think he is; or, if he should be conscious of a want of knowledge, he is unwilling that others should have the same opinion; and he will not submit to be instructed, as that would imply that he is not already so.

The third principle is passion. When we are disposed to satisfy the desires of the constitution, or the affections of the mind, which are unlawful, we do not wish to hear dissuasions from the indulgence. The lecture comes to torment before the time, when the consequence must afflict.

Under the second head, we shall show the misfortune of this disposition. It is what, in early life, begins to fix the difference, of persons. The hearer of instruction, even with more moderate parts, becomes the more sensible boy. The hearer of instruction has a better chance for life and mature years. Into how many dangers do young persons run—leaping, climbing, running, playing truant, and neglecting books? Into what affrays, too, evil passions prompt them, when they begin to feel the sinew strong, and the manly nerve braced? They value corporeal strength, which they have in common with the horse, or the ox, and neglect the cultivation of the mind, which is the glory of our nature. What is a man without information?—In form only above a beast. What is a man negligent of moral duty? Worse than a beast; because he is destitute of that by which he might be governed, and of which his nature is capable; and without which, he is more dangerous in proportion as he is more ingenious.

I shall conclude with inferences from the subject.

It may be seen hence, with what attention we ought to hear, and with what observation, see. The five senses are the avenues of knowledge; but the reflection of the mind on ideas presented, is the source of wisdom. Understanding is better than riches; for understanding leads to competency, and to know how to use it. Laying aside, therefore, all indolence, pride, and passion, let us hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.

This, reverend brethren, is a short sermon. It is one in miniature; like the model of a mechanical invention, which is complete in its parts, and from whence may be seen the powers of the inventor. I did not intend to take up your time with a long discourse; because, ex pede Herculem; you may know what I can do by this essay.

The fact is, I am regularly educated, and licensed; but this my competitor, is no more than a yarn merchant; who, failing in his trade, has adventured to this country: And coming over in the vessel with me, took the opportunity one night, when I was asleep, and picked my fob of these papers, which he now shows.

Thus having spoke, he descended.

The other, in the mean time, had been at his wits-end what to do. The technical difficulty of taking a text, and dividing it under several heads, and splitting each head into branches, and pursuing each with such strictness, that the thoughts should be ranged under each which belonged to it, as exactly as you would the coarser yarn with the coarser, and the finer with the finer; or put balls with balls, and hanks with hanks. At last he had determined to take no text at all; as it was much better to take none, than to take one and not stick to it. Accordingly, he resolved to preach up and down the scripture, wherever he could get a word of seasonable doctrine. Mounting the pulpit, therefore, he began as follows:

SERMON.

THE first man that we read of was Adam, and first woman, Eve; she was tempted by the serpent, and eat the forbidden fruit. After this she conceived and bare a son, and called his name Cain; and Cain was a tiller of the ground, and Abel a keeper of sheep; for she conceived and bare a second son, and called his name Abel. And Cain slew Abel. There were several generations unto the flood, when Noah built an ark, and saved himself and his family. After the flood, Abraham begat Isaac, and Isaac begat Jacob, and Jacob begat Joseph, and his brethren. Potiphar's wife, in Egypt, took a fancy for Joseph, and cast him in a ward; and Potiphar was a captain of Pharaoh's guards; and Joseph interpreted Pharaoh's dream of lean cattle; and there were twelve years famine in the land; and Moses passed for the son of Pharaoh's daughter, and married Jethro's daughter in the land of Midian, and brought the Israelites out of the land of Egypt; and Joshua, the son of Nun, and Caleb the son of Jephunneh; and the walls of Jericho fell down at the sounding of Ram's horns; and Sampson slew a thousand with the jawbone of an ass; and Delilah, the harlot; and Gideon, and Barak, and Jephthah, and Abinoam the Giliaditish; and Samuel, and Saul, and the prophets; and Jonathan, and David; and Solomon built him an house; and silver was as plenty as the street stones in Jerusalem; Rehoboam and Jehosophat, and the kings of Israel and Judah; and Daniel was cast into the lion's den; and Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego; and Isaiah and Jeremiah; and Zachariah, and Zerubabel; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and the Apostles; Mary Magdalene, out of whom were cast seven devils; and the father of Zebedee's children; and Pontius Pilate, and the high priest; and Annanias and Sapphira, and the seven trumpets in the Revelation, and the dragon and the woman. Amen. I add no more.

The lay people present were most pleased with the last discourse, and some of the younger of the clergy: But the more aged gave the preference to the first. Thus it seemed difficult to decide.

The Captain rising up, spoke: Gentlemen, said he, the men seem both to have considerable gifts, and I see no harm in letting them both preach. There is work enough for them in this new country; the first appears to me to be more qualified for the city, as a very methodical preacher: but the last is most practical; and each may answer a valuable purpose in their proper place.

The decision seemed judicious, and it was agreed that they should both preach. The man who had been the yarn merchant, thanked their reverences, and gave out that he should preach there that day week, God willing.

The clergy were so pleased with the Captain, that they gave him an invitation to go home with them to an elder's house just by; but recollecting the trouble he had with Teague on another occasion, and the danger of being drawn into a like predicament, should he fall into conversation with the clergyman, and take it into his head to preach, he declined the invitation, and proceeded on his journey.

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CHAPTER VI.

THE ensuing day, the Captain arrived in a certain city, and put up at the sign of the Indian Queen. Taking a day or two to refresh himself, and get a new pair of breeches made, and his coat mended, which was a little worn at the elbows, he went to look about the city. The fourth day, when he had proposed to set out to perambulate this modern Babylon, and called for Teague to bring him his boots, there was no Teague there. The hostler being called, with whom he used to sleep, informed, that he had disappeared the day before. The Captain was alarmed: and from the recollection of former incidents, began to enquire if there were any elections going on at that time. As it so happened, there was one that very day. Thinking it probable the bog-trotter, having still a hankering after an appointment, might offer himself on that occasion, he set out to the place where the people were convened, to see if he could discover Teague amongst the candidates. He could see nothing of him; and though he made enquiry, he could hear no account. But the circumstance of the election drawing his attention for some time he forgot Teague.

The candidates were all remarkably pot-bellied; and waddled in their gait. The Captain enquiring what were the pretensions of these men to be elected; he was told, that they had all stock in the funds, and lived in brick buildings; and some of them entertained fifty people at a time, and eat and drank abundantly; and, living an easy life, and pampering their appetites, they had swollen to this size.

It is a strange thing said the Captain, that in the country, in my route, they would elect no one but a weaver, or a whiskey distiller; and here none but fat swabs, that guzzle wine, and smoke segars. It was not so in Greece, where Phocian came with his plain coat, from his humble dwelling, and directed the counsels of the people; or in Rome, where Cincinnatus was made dictator from the plough. Something must be wrong, where the inflate, and the pompous are the objects of choice; though there is one good arising from it, that there is no danger of my Teague here. He could not afford to give a dinner; and as to funds, he has not a single shilling in them. They will make him neither mayor nor legislator in this city.

Na faith, said Mr. M'Donald, the Scotch gentleman, who had been present at the embarrassment of the Captain, on the occasion of the former election, and having, a few days before, come to the city, and observing the Captain in the crowd, had come up to him, just as he was uttering these last words to himself: Na faith, said he, there is na danger of Teague here, unless he had his scores o' shares in the bank; and was in league with the brokers, and had a brick house at his hurdies, or a ship or twa on the stocks. A great deal used to be done, by employing advocates with the tradesmen, to listen to the news, and tell them fair stories; but all is now lost in substantial interest, and the funds command every thing. Besides, this city is swarming with Teagues, and O'Regans, and O'Brians, and O'Murphys, and O'Farrels; I see, that they cannot be at a loss without your bog-trotter.

The Captain having his fears eased, in this particular, returned home, greatly troubled, nevertheless, that he could not come up with the Irishman.

Reflecting with himself, that Teague was addicted to women, and that he might have gone to some of those houses, which are not in the best repute with the religious part of the community, the Captain thought it might not be amiss to make enquiry. Being informed by the waiter, that he had overheard gentlemen at the house, in their cups, speak of a certain Mrs. Robeson, who kept a house of that kind; and as far as he could understand, it was in such a part of the city, a few doors from such a street; the Captain set out, and coming into the neighbourhood and making enquiry, was directed to the house. Knocking, and on a servant coming to the door, enquiring for Mrs. Robeson, he was shown into a parlour, and in a little time the old lady entered. Being seated he took the liberty of addressing her: Madam, said he, I am not unacquainted with the stile and designation of your house.—Why as to that, said she, we do the best we can; but the times are hard, and it is a very difficult thing to pick up a good looking healthy girl, now-a-days. So many young women, since the war is over, having taken to virtuous ways, and got married, has almost broke us up. But I have been fortunate enough to light upon one, yesterday, that is a rare piece, just from the country; and I am sure—

It is not in the way that you mean, madam, said the Captain, that I take the liberty to call upon you. I have a servant man, of the name of Teague O'Regan, that is fond of women, and has been absent some days; and it has occurred to me, that he may have come to your house, or some other of the like kind; and may be skulking, to avoid my service. As he has little or no money, it is impossible he can be much in your way, and I could make it better worth your while to inform on him, and surrender him up.

Teague O'Regan! said the old lady, snuffing; Teague O'Regan! I would have you know, sir, that no Teague O'Regans come here; we keep a house for the first gentlemen, not for waiters or understrappers, or any of the common sorts. There is no half crown, or five shilling pieces here. Teague O'Regan indeed! there is no Teague O'Regan at this house. We have meat for his master. I was saying there was a young woman just now from the country, that looks more like a woman of family, than a country girl; but is so melancholy and mopish, that she scarcely speaks, and stands in need of some one to talk to her, and keep her in spirits. She is fit for any gentleman. Teague O'Regan! Humph! There is no Teague O'Regan puts his foot into my door.

The Captain assured her, that he by no means meant to give offence. That though the bog-trotter could not have access to her first rooms; yet he did not know but he might have got in with some of her under maids, and be about the kitchen.

The lady, being now appeased on the score of Teague, was in a good humour, and renewed her hints to the Captain, with respect to the young woman. She is, said she, as good a looking girl as ever came to my house; and has not seen a single person but yourself, whom she has not yet seen: but may see, if you chuse; and a very pretty girl she is; but keeps mopish and melancholy, as if she had been crossed in love, and had come to town for fear of her relations, and wishes to keep out of sight of every body.

The Captain being no stranger to the art these matrons use in their addresses, to enhance the value of their wares was but little moved with the recommendation she had given. But as there were some circumstances in the account of the young woman, that were a little striking, his curiosity was excited to let her be called in, and present herself. Accordingly, the old lady stepping out, a young woman made her appearance, of considerable beauty; but in her countenance, expressions of woe. Her blue eye seemed involved in mist; for she shed no tears; her sorrow was beyond that.

Young woman, said the Captain, it is easy to perceive that you have not been in this way of life long; and that you have been brought to it, perhaps, by some uncommon circumstances. My humanity is interested; and it occurs to me to ask, by what means it has come to pass.

The part which he seemed to take in her distress, inspiring her with confidence; and being requested by him to relate her story frankly, she began as follows:

My father, lives at the distance of about twenty miles from this city, and is a man of good estate. I have two brothers, but no sisters. My mother dying when I was at the age of fourteen, I became house-keeper for the family.

There was a young man that used to come to the same church to which we went. He was of the very lowest class, mean in his appearance, of homely features, and a diminutive person. Yet he had the assurance to put himself in my way, on every occasion, endeavouring to catch my eye, for he did not dare to speak to me. But I hated him, and was almost resolved to stay at home on Sundays to avoid him; for he began to be very troublesome. His attentions to me were taken notice of by my brothers. They were confident that I must give him some encouragement, or he would not make such advances. My father was of the same opinion. I assured them I had never given him any encouragement, and I never would; that I was as much averse to him as possible.

I shunned him and hated him. He persisted a long time, almost two years, and seemed to become melancholy, and at last went away from the neighbourhood; and, as I heard afterwards, to sea. I began now to reflect upon his assiduity and endeavours to engage my affections. I recollected every circumstance of his conduct towards me, since the first time I was obliged to take notice of him. I reasoned with myself, that it was no fault of his, if his family was low; and if he himself had not all that comeliness of person which I wished in a husband; yet he was sufficiently punished in his presumption in thinking of me, by what he must have suffered, and by his going to sea, which he did to get out of my sight, finding his attempts to gain my affections hopeless. I dreamed of him; and scarcely a moment of the day passed, but my thoughts were running on the dangers to which he was exposed. It seemed to me that if he came back, I should be more kind to him. I might at least show him that I was not insensible of his attachment.

In about a year he returned and the moment I saw him I loved him. He did not dare to come to my father's house. But I could not help giving him encouragement by my countenance, when I met him in public. Emboldened by this, he at last ventured to speak to me, and I agreed that he might come to a peach orchard at some distance from my father's house and that I would give him an interview. There he came often, and with a most lowly and humble behaviour, fixed my regard for him. Not doubting the violence of his love for me, and my ascendency over him, I at last put myself in his power. Becoming pregnant, I hinted marriage, but what was my astonishment to find that, on various pretences, he evaded it, and as I became more fond, he became more cold, which had no other effect, than to make me more ardent than before. It had been usual for many months to meet me every evening at this place, but now I had gone often, and did not find him there. At last he withdrew altogether, and I heard he had left the settlement. Worthless and base as I now know him to be and though my reason told me, that in person he was still as homely as I first thought him, yet I continued to love him to distraction.

What was my distress, when my father, and my brothers, found that I was with child! They charged me, though unjustly, of having deceived them with respect to my attachment to this low creature; from the first: In fine, my father dismissed me from the house. My brothers, no less relenting than him in their resentment against me, upbraided me with the offers I had refused, and the treatment I had given several gentlemen, in their advances to me. For, indeed, during the absence of this worthless man, I had been addressed by several; but my pity and compassion for the wretch, had so wrought upon me, that I could not think of any, or scarcely bear them to speak to me.

Dismissed from my father's house, even my younger brother, who was most soft and yielding in his nature, seeming to approve of it, I went to the habitation of a tenant of my father; there remained some time, and endeavoured to make compensation by the labour of my hands, for the trouble I was giving them.—But these poor people, thinking my father would relent, had informed him where I was, and of the care they had taken of me. The consequence was, that, at the end of three months, he sent for the child, of which I had been brought to bed some weeks before; but ordered them instantly to dismiss me, that I might never more offend his hearing with my name.

I wandered to this city, and the first night lay in the market-house upon a bench. The next morning mixed with the women that came to market, and enquired for work of any kind: I could find none; but at last meeting with a young woman who felt for my distress, she told me that she had a small room in this city, where she had lived some time with an aunt that was lately dead, and that now she supported herself by doing a little in the millinary way; that if I would come and take breakfast with her, and see where she lived, I was welcome. Going with the poor girl, I found her lonely and distressed enough.—Nevertheless I continued with her several months: but the work was small that we got to do, and times becoming still worse, I was obliged to sell the clothes that I brought with me, to the last petticoat and short gown, to support ourselves and pay rent. To bring me to the last stage of misery, the poor girl, who was more expert than I was, in making any little provision that could be made, fell sick, and in a short time died. I could bear to stay no longer in the room, and coming out to wander in the streets, like a forlorn wretch indeed, and sobbing sorely by myself, when I thought no one heard me, I was observed by this woman, at whose house you now are, and pressed by her to go home. I soon found what sort of a house it was, and had I not been watched, when I talked of going away, and threatened to be sent to jail, for what it is pretended I owe since I came to the house, I should not have been here longer than the first day.

The Captain feeling with great sensibility the circumstances of her story, made reply: Said he, young woman, I greatly commiserate your history and situation, and feel myself impelled to revenge your wrong. But the villain who has thus injured you, is out of my reach, in two respects: first, by distance; and second, being too contemptible and base to be pursued by my resentment even on your account. But revenge is not your object, but support and restoration to your friends, and the good opinion of the world. As to money, it is not in my power to advance you any great sum; but as far as words can go, I could wish to serve you: not words to yourself only, but to others in your behalf. It is evident to me, that you have suffered by your own too great sensibility. It was humanity and generosity, that engaged you in his favour. It was your imagination that gave those attractions to his vile and uncomely person, by which you was seduced. You have been a victim to your own goodness, and not to his merit. The warmth of your heart has overcome the strength of your judgment; and your prudence has been subdued by your passion; or, rather, indeed, confiding in a man whom you had saved from all the pains and heart-felt miseries of unsuccessful hope, you have become a sacrifice to your compassion and tenderness. The best advice I can give you is, to compose yourself for this night. Preserve your virtue—for I do not consider you as having lost it: your mind has not been in fault, or contaminated. I will endeavour to find out some person who may be disposed to assist you; and though it may be difficult for you yet to establish lost fame, it is not impossible. So saying, he left the room; but the young woman, impressed with these last words especially, viz. the difficulty, if not impossibility of regaining reputation, sunk down upon her chair, and could not pay him the compliment of thanks at his departure.

During the night, through the whole of which he lay awake, at the public house, he ruminated on the extraordinary nature of this incident, and the means which he would adopt to recover this woman from her unfortunate situation.

Thought he, I am in a city where there are a great body of the people called Quakers. This society, above all others, is remarkable for humanity and charitable actions. There is a female preacher of whom I have heard, a Lydia Wilson: I will inform this good woman of the circumstance; and, if she gives me leave, I will bring this stray sheep to her; she may have it in her power to introduce her to some place, where, by needle-work, and industry, she may live, until it may be in my power, taking a journey to her father, and stating the case, and giving my sentiments, to restore her to her family.

Early next morning, as soon as it could be presumed the Quaker lady had set her house in order; that is, after the family might be supposed to have breakfasted, which was about nine o'clock, the Captain set out, and being admitted, stated to Mrs. Wilson the exact circumstances as before related.—The pious woman readily undertook every office in her power. Accordingly, taking leave, the Captain set out for the house of Mrs. Robeson.

At the door, he met a number of men coming out, and, on enquiry, he found a coroner's inquest had just sat on the body of a young woman of the house who had the preceding evening, suspended herself from the bed-post with her garter. He was struck, suspecting it must be the young woman whom he had so much in his thoughts. Going in and inquiring, he found it to be the case; and that they proposed to bury as soon as the few boards of a coffin could be got ready. As a man of humanity, he could not but shed tears, and blame himself that he had not given her stronger assurance of his interposition before he left her, that she might not have fallen into despair, and taken away her life.

The coffin being now ready, the funeral set out, not for the burying-ground of a church yard, but for a place without the city, called the Potter's field: For suicides forfeit Christian burial—Her obsequies attended not by a clergyman in front, nor by scarfed mourners, holding up the pall; nor was she borne on a bier, but drawn on a cart, and the company that followed her uncovered hearse, were not decent matrons, nor venerable men, but old bawds, and strumpets, and cullies, half drunk, making merry as they went along.

Being interred, they returned home; but the Captain remaining some time, contemplating the grave, thus spoke:

Earth, thou coverest the body of a lovely woman, and with a mind not less lovely; yet doomed in her burial, to the same ground with unknown persons and malefactors; not that I think the circumstance makes any difference; but it shows the opinion of the world with respect to thy personal demerit.—Nor do I call in question the justness of this opinion, having such circumstances whereon to found. But I reflect with myself how much opinion, operating like a general law, may do injustice. It remains only with heaven's chancery to reach the equity of the case, and, in its decision, absolve her from a crime, or at least qualify that which was the excess of virtue. If the fair elements that compose her frame, shall ever again unite, and rise to life, and, as the divines suppose, her form receive its shape and complexion from her mental qualities and conduct on earth, she will lose nothing of her beauty; for her daring disdain of herself and fate, was a mark of repentance,—stronger than all tears. Yet, had she acted the nobler part of holding herself in life, preserving her mind and body chaste until famine had taken her away, or the hand of heaven moved for her relief, she had shone, at the last rising, with superior brightness; been ranked amongst the first beauties of heaven, and walked distinguished in the paradise of God. Doubtless the Almighty must blame, and chide her for this premature and rash step. Fallen to the last point of depression, he was about to relieve her, and the sequel of her days might have been happy and serene. It was a distrust of his providence. She heard my words, though she did not know my heart.—And surely it was my intention to relieve her. But she erred against my thoughts; she eluded the grasp of my humanity. For this she will be reprimanded by the Most High, and fail of that supereminent glory which awaits heroic minds. Yet, O world thou dost her wrong in sentencing her to so low a bed. Shall the wealthy, but dishonest men, matrons chaste, but cold and cruel in their feelings; shall these have a stone built over them, and occupy a consecrated spot, whilst thou, unworthy, art thrown amongst the rubbish of carcasses, swept from jails; or emigrants, unknown as to their origin and place?

Farewell, lovely form, whom late I knew; and let the grass grow green upon thy grave. Thy sorrows are expunged: but mine are awake; and will be so, until I also come to the shades invisible, and have the same apathy of heart with thee.

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CHAPTER VII.

RETURNING to his lodgings, he could not help reflecting by the way, that probably poor Teague, mortified by repeated disappointments, in going to Congress, being suffered to preach, or be a member of the Philosophical Society; and what might afflict him still more, the not marrying the rich hostess, who had made him overtures, might, in his despair of ever coming forward in any respectable capacity in life, having suspended himself from a beam, or plunged into the river, and have put an end to his existence, which, should it be the case, being in some measure accessary to this catastrophe of the bog-trotter, by dissuading from these several pretensions, he could not acquit himself of guilt; at all events, he would feel great pain and sorrow.

Such were his reflections for a great part of this day, and he had thought of putting an advertisement in the paper, to know if any dead body had been lately discovered, or inquisition held on a young man with red hair, and a long leg, who had been missing some days, and was supposed to have hung or drowned himself. But in the evening, meditating thus, mention being made by some of the lodgers, of going to hear the annual oration, delivered before the Philosophical Society, by a member, it struck his mind, that possibly Teague, falling in with some of this body, had been induced by them to take a seat, and might be present on that occasion. Not hesitating, therefore, he seconded the proposal of going, and offered to be of the party.

Coming to the hall, the philosophers were seated, but a black member sat with a taper before him, who, it seems, was to deliver the oration.

The fact was this: A gentleman of Maryland, of the name of Gorum, had sent to the society, some time before, a curiosity found by one of the negroes in the mud of Wye river, on the banks of which his seat was. It appeared to be a stone, with a cavity sufficient to receive a man's foot, and was adjudged by the society to be an Indian's petrified moccasin. The singularity of the discovery, well entitling the gentleman to a seat, he was invited; but sending his compliments, he gave them to understand, that Cuff, (for that was the name of the negro) was more intitled to that honour than he was, being the person who had found the curiosity; and as he made it a point to do his slaves justice in any perquisite of their own, he could not think of robbing one, on this occasion of any honour, to which he might be introduced by this discovery.

The society approved his honesty and fair dealing, and by unanimous ballot, admitted the negro, who, having been a member some time, had been appointed to pronounce the annual oration. Cuff, a good deal disconcerted in hearing of the task imposed upon him, had applied to his master to know what to say. Colonel Gorum attending a good deal to literary matters, had heard of an oration delivered before the society, the object of which was to prove that the Africans had been once white, had sharp noses, and long hair; but that by living in sun-burnt climates, the skin had changed colour, the hair become frizzled, and in the course of generation, the imagination of the mother, presenting obtruse objects, had produced an offspring with flat noses. He therefore gave Cuff to understand, that it would be doing no more than justice to his countrymen, for he was a Guinea negro, if he should avail himself of this occasion, to prove that men were all once black, and that by living in snowy countries, and being bleached by the weather, the skin had gradually become white, and the hair moist and long, and the imagination presenting prominent objects to the mothers, or the fathers differing among themselves, and pulling one another by this part, had given the long and pointed nose.

Cuff, thus prepared, set out: having arrived, and being on this occasion to harangue, began as follows.....

THE ORATION

Massa shentima; I be cash crab in de Wye river: found ting in de mud; tone, big a man's foot: holes like to he; fetch Massa: Massa say, it be de Indian moccason.—O! fat de call it; all tone. He say, you be a filasafa, Cuff: I say, O no, Massa, you be de filasafa. Wel! two tree monts afta, Massa call me, and say You be a filasafa, Cuff, fo' sartan: Getta ready, and go dis city, and make grate peech for shentima filasafa. I say, fat say, Massa? Massa say, somebody say, dat de first man was de fite man; but you say, dat de first man was de black a-man. Vel I set out: came along: Massa gi me pass. Some say, where you go Cuff? I say, dis city, be a filasafa. Oh no Cuff, you be no filasafa: call me fool, gi me kick i'de backside; fall down, get up again, and come to dis city.

Now, shentiman, I say, dat de first man was de black a man, and de first woman was de black a woman: and get two tree children; de rain vasha dese, and de snow pleach, and de coula com brown, yella, coppa coula, and, at de last quite fite; and de hair long; and da fal out vit one anoda; and van cash by de nose, an pull; so de nose come lang, sharp nose.

Now I go home, Massa shentima; and tel grate Massa, dat make peech, an ibedy body vas da: an den Cuff fin a more tings—crabs, oysta, cat fish, bones, tones, ibedy ting—sen to you, shentima.

The oration being ended, the society could do no less than appoint a committee to wait on Mr. Cuff, and request a copy of his oration, that it might be published.

But the Captain in the mean time, had examined, with great attention, the whole audience, but could not discover Teague. Departing, therefore, with the rest, his thoughts recurred to his first idea, viz. that the unfortunate creature had committed suicide. Drawing up, therefore, an advertisement, he sent it to a daily paper: but though it appeared next morning, and the day elapsed, there was no word of Teague.

————

THERE is no fact that has proved more stubborn than the diversity of the human species; especially that great extreme of diversity in the natives of Africa. How the descendants of Adam and Eve, both good looking people, should ever come to be a vile negro, or even a mulatto man or woman, is puzzling.

Some have conjectured, that a black complexion, frizzled hair, a flat nose, and bandy legs, were the mark set on Cain, for the murder of his brother Abel. But, as the deluge drowned the whole world and only one family was saved, the blacks must have all perished; like the Mammoth, whose bones are found on the Ohio, and other places, which was too big for Noah to get into the ark.

Some suppose, that it was the curse pronounced upon Canaan, the son of Noah, for looking at his father's nakedness. They got rid by this means of the difficulty of the flood; but by Moses' own account the Canaanites were the descendants of Canaan; and we do not hear of them being negroes, which, had it been the case, we cannot doubt would have been laid hold of by the Israelites, as a circumstance to justify their extirpating, or making slaves of them.

Lord Kaimes, in his Sketches of the History of Man, solves the difficulty, by supposing, that, at the building of Babel, there was a confusion of complexions, as well as languages. But, besides that it is not to be supposed that the historians would pass over so material a circumstance, without particularly mentioning it, it is introducing a miracle, which we are not warranted in doing unless expressly laid down to have been wrought.

The last theory, has been that of accounting for the change, from the climate, and accident of wind and weather; calling in aid, in the mean time, the imagination of the mothers. This does not appear altogether satisfactory. At least, there are those who would not be averse to hear some other solution of the difficulty. I have thought of one, which I would suggest with great diffidence; the authors of those before me being great men, and their hypothesis not to be lightly overthrown.

I am of opinion that Adam was a tall, straight limbed, red haired man, with a fair complexion, blue eyes, and an aquiline nose; and that Eve was a negro woman.

For what necessity to make them both of the same colour, feature, form, when there is beauty in variety? Do not you see in a tulip, one leaf blue, and another white, and sometimes the same leaf white and red?

As God made Adam in his own likeness, so it is to be supposed that Adam begat some in his, and these were red haired, fair complexioned, blue eyed, proportionably featured boys and girls, while on the other hand, some took after the mother, and became negro men and women. From a mixture of complexion, the offspring, at other times, might be a shade darker, in one case, than the father; and a shade lighter, in another case, than the mother; and hence a diversified progeny, with a variety of features, from the bottle-nose to the mire-snipe, which is that of the people in the west of Ireland; and from the auburn of the Corsican hair, to the golden locks of the Caledonian beauty; and from the black eye to the hazle and the grey.

It may be asked, how at the flood, when Noah, his wife, his three sons, and their wives, eight persons, only were saved? It is but giving some of the sons negro wenches for their wives, and you have the matter all right.

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CHAPTER VIII.

AS I have said, the day passed over, and there was no word of Teague. In the evening, as it was usual with the gentlemen at the Indian Queen, to go to some place for the amusement of an hour or two, mention being made of a celebrated preacher, a Universalist, as he was called; that is, one who preaches the doctrine of Universal salvation; it was proposed to go to hear him, as he was to hold forth that evening. The Captain readily consented, and it struck him as this was a new fangled doctrine, that, conscious of a good deal of fornication, it would naturally please Teague, it was not impossible but the Irishman might have become a disciple of this reformist, and be at his conventicle.

Coming in amongst the crowd, and obtaining seats, they saw the preacher ascend the pulpit, and, after the preliminary exercise of psalms and prayer, take a text and begin his sermon.

His text was taken from one of those passages of scripture, which speaks of "the lion lying down with the kid, and the tyger with the lamb," which have been interpreted of the Millenium, but were applied by him to that period, when, as the sea shall give up her dead, so hell shall give up her damned, and the devil himself shall come to lick salt out of the hand of an angel.

Enlarging on this doctrine, and supporting it with a variety of proofs from scripture, and arguments from reason, he seemed to have brought the matter to a point, answering all objections, and closing in with the hearer. At this stage, using that figure of oratory which is usual in the pulpit, of asking questions, and pressing for an answer, but expecting none; he would say, is not this conclusive? Is it not evident? Is there any here can advance an argument against it? Will any of you speak?—I pause for an answer.

Mr. M'Donald, in the mean time, (the Scotch gentleman, who happened to be there,) thinking him really serious, and that he wanted an answer, or taking advantage of the pause, and the interrogation, to speak his mind, leaning over the front of a back seat, made reply:

Why, said he, I like the doctrine well enough, and ha' na' disposition to o'erthrow it. I dinna muckle care if there were na' hell ava. If ye could make that out, I wad rather hear it, than o' being smoaked twa' or three thousand years in the devil's nuke, or singed wi' his burnt brimstone, even if we should get out afterwards.—Ye need na' put yourself in a passion, or be flee'd that you'll get no proselytes, for I shall warrant you, as many every night as ye can weel stow awa i' the conventicle.

The preacher giving thanks to God for the success of his ministry, in the remarkable conversion of the man who spoke, the Scotch gentleman said again, ye need na' ca' it a conversion, for I ha' been o' the same opinion a' my life, that it was a sare thing to bide the kiln of hell, and they wad deserve muckle thanks wha could establish that we should na' stay long in it, and that there was na' such place ava.

The preacher commenting upon this, observed that some were orthodox from their birth, like Jeremiah, who was sanctified in his mother's womb, but others were hardly brought to the truth with much teaching and instruction. That the present was a happy instance of one who was in the right way from his very early years.

The Captain in the mean time had been thinking of the doctrine, and thought it reasonable to suppose, that the Almighty might relieve, after some time, and let the devils go. Just as with himself at the present in the case of Teague: if he had got his hands on the bog-trotter, he could not help being very angry, and would be disposed to punish him with great severity, but after some time he knew his passion would subside, and he would forget his delinquencies.

Teague in this manner running in his head, as the people, after some epilogue of prayer and benediction, being dismissed, were retiring, he got up, and raising his voice, begged the audience to detain a little—Good people, said he, if any of you should come across a young man, a servant of mine, of the name of Teague O'Regan, I shall thank you to send me notice to the Indian Queen where I lodge. And, according to the advertisement in this day's paper, I will give two dollars reward.

Thinking him deranged in his brain, they proceeded, and took no notice of the proclamation.

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IN the infancy of christianity it was thought a hard matter to get to heaven, and that when once in hell, there was no getting out. A certain father of the church, of the name of Origen, was the first to be more liberal in his sentiments, and thought that after a certain period, there would be a jail-delivery of the damned. I do not know that he went so far as to let the devils themselves out upon a furlough, but at the present time, we all know very well, that the time will come when they will be out all together, at least the universalists tell us this, and prove it.

The doctrine was received in some part by the early councils, but in other parts rejected. The matter was compounded by establishing a purgatory; for not consenting to liberate from hell, in order to satisfy the advocates of a temporary punishment, they fixed up a middle place, where all the advantages of penal purgation could be enjoyed, without the necessity of contradicting the eternity of hell torments.

Indeed under the catholic church, the straight gate, and the narrow way, and the many called and few chosen, was a good deal laid aside, and the road made pretty plain by indulgencies and absolutions. But at the reformation, the matter was brought back to its old bed again, and the cry of there being but a remnant saved, was raised in every pulpit. There has been some relaxation of late years with almost every sect of protestants; and there is not just such a fury of tumbling great crowds into the tolbooth, as there was in the days of John Knox, and the framers of the Westminster confession of faith, and the catechisms. Dr. Bellamy, a New England divine, some years ago, stated in his pamphlet, that the damned would be to the saved, as the malefactors of a country that came to an untimely end by jail or jibbet to honest people. Some now preach boldly, not perhaps a total exemption from future punishment, but a final restoration from it; so that the matter is now brought nearly to what it was in the days of Origen. I do not know that I would be of opinion with the Scotch gentleman, and wish the matter carried farther, establishing that there is no hell at all; because if the thing should take a turn, it might go to the other extreme, and be all hell, so that none should be saved: and instead of universal salvation, we should then have the doctrine of the damnation of the whole, bodily.

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CHAPTER IX.

THE next day, revolving everything in his mind, it occurred to the Captain that the Irishman might have gone out of town, hearing of an election at a district, and have been elected to Congress. As that body was then sitting, he thought it could be no great trouble to go to the house, and cast an eye from the gallery, and see if the ragamuffin had got there. There was one that had a little of the brogue of Teague upon his tongue, but nothing of his physiognomy; others had a good deal of his manner, but there was none that came absolutely up to the physic of his person.

However, being here, the Captain thought it not amiss to listen a while to the debates upon the carpet. A certain bill was depending, and made, it seems, the order of the day. Mr. Cogan being on the floor, spoke:—Sir, said he, addressing himself to the chair, the bill in contemplation is, in my opinion, of a dangerous tendency. I will venture to foretel, that, if it goes into a law, the cows will have fewer calves, the sheep less wool; hens will lay fewer eggs, and cocks forget to crow day-light. The horses will be worse shod, and stumble more; our watches go too slow; corns grow upon our toes; young women have the stomach ache; old men the gout; and middle aged persons fainting fits. The larks will fall dead in the field; the frogs croak till they burst their bags; and the leaves of the trees fall before the autumn. Snow will be found in the heat of harvest, and the dog-days in winter. The rivers will revert—and the shadows fall to the east in the morning. The moon will be eclipsed, and the equinoxes happen at a wrong season of the year. Was it not such a bill as this, that changed the old style, that made the eclipse in the time of Julius Cesar; that produced an earthquake at Jamaica, and sunk Port Royal? All history, both ancient and modern, is full of the mischiefs of such a bill. I shall, therefore, vote against it.

Mr. Bogan was now on the floor, and advocated the good effects of the bill.

Sir, said he, addressing himself to the chair, I appear in support of the bill. I say, it will have a good effect on the physical world especially. The ducks will be fatter, the geese heavier, the swans whiter, the red-birds sing better, and patridges come more easily into traps. It will kill rats, muzzle calves, and cut colts; and multiply the breed of oysters, and pickle cod-fish. It will moderate the sun's heat, and the winter's cold; prevent fogs, and cure the ague. It will help the natural brain, brace the nerves, cure sore eyes, and the cholic, and remove rheumatisms. Consult experience, and it will be found that provisions of the nature proposed by this bill, have an astonishing influence in this respect, where they have been tried. I must take the liberty to say, the gentleman's allegations are totally unfounded; and he has committed himself in the matter of his history: the earthquake in Jamaica not happening in the time of Julius Cesar; and therefore could have nothing to do with the eclipse of the sun. I shall therefore vote in favour of the bill.

Mr. Cogan rose to explain, and said, that he did not say that the earthquake at Jamaica was at the same time with the eclipse of the sun, which happened at the birth of Julius Cesar.

Mr. Bogan rose to correct the gentleman: It was not at the birth of Julius Cesar, but at this death, that the earthquake happened.

Mr. Hogan was on the floor: Said, he thought he could reconcile the gentlemen on that head. It was well known, Julius Cesar lived about the time of the rebellion in Scotland, a little after Nebuchadnezzar, king of the Jews. As to the earthquake, he did not remember what year it happened, and therefore could say nothing about it.

At this period, the question being called, it was put and carried by a majority of 25.

The Captain, satisfied with this sample of congressional debates, retired and came to his lodgings.

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon, that some one, who read the advertisement respecting Teague, came to the Captain, and informed him that a person, answering to the description, had been lately employed to teach Greek in the University. Struck with the idea, that the bog-trotter might have passed himself for a Greek scholar, whereas he understood only Irish, he set out to the University to make enquiry. Knocking at the door of the principal, he was admitted; and, being seated, addressed him as follows: Said he, Sir, a pedeseque of mine, (for, talking to the rector of a college, he did not choose to use the vulgar terms—waiter, or bog-trotter,) a pedeseque of mine, whom I have found useful, save that he is somewhat troublesome in pretending to places of appointment, for which he is not qualified: a thing, by the bye, too common in this country: where men, without the aid of academic knowledge, thrust themselves into places requiring great learning and ability: [This he said to flatter the man of letters; as if a man could know but little that had not been forged or furbished at his school.] I say, this pedeseque of mine has absconded for some days, and I have been able to collect no account of him until last evening that a person, having read an advertisement of mine in the Gazette, came to me, and informed, that one answering the description I had given, both as to appearance and accomplishments, had been lately employed, as a professor of the Greek language in this University. Now, though I well know this Paddy, as I may call him, to understand no Greek, yet, as he speaks Irish, and has much assurance, and little honesty in matters where his ambition is concerned, I did not know but he might have imposed himself upon you for a Greek scholar, and obtained a professorship.

The principal made answer, that it was true that a person from Ireland had been lately employed in that capacity, and that should he be discovered to be an impostor, it would be using the University very ill. The Captain thought so too, and taking it for granted that it was Teague, expressed his surprise that they had not examined him before he was admitted; or at least had such proof by letters, as would have ascertained his being qualified. The principal observed, that as to examination, they had no one at hand to examine, as there were none of the trustees, or professors of other branches in the University who understood Greek; as for himself he did not, having not studied it in early life, and for a series of years having given himself to politics and mathematics; so that unless they could send out for a Roman Catholic priest, or a Scotch clergyman, there was none to examine. The improbability of any person passing himself, above all things for a master of the Greek language, on the score of understanding Irish, was such that it never came into their heads to suspect it, so as to demand letters.

Had you known, said the Captain, this bog-trotter of mine, (here he forgot the word pedeseque) as well as I do, you would not be surprised at his attempting any thing: and that he should be now in your academy giving Greek lectures, understanding nothing but the vernacular tongue of his own country. Here he gave an account of his setting up for congress, &c. as explained in the preceding part of this narrative.

However, wishing to see the raggamuffin, that he might unkennel him, he was accompanied by the principal to the chamber of the pseudo professor, considering, as he went along; in what manner he should accost him; whether he should break out upon him with a direct invective, or with ironical words; such as, Mr. Professor, you must be a very learned man not only to understand Irish, but Greek: But perhaps the Greek and Irish languages are much the same. It must be so, for I know that a few days ago you did not understand a word of this, and to acquire a dead language in such a short time would be impossible, unless the living tongue was a good deal a-kin to it. But I had never understood that Irish had any more affinity to the language of Athens and Sparta, than the Erse, or the German, or the Welsh: however, we must live and learn, as the saying is; you have shown us what we never knew before.

Conning a speech of this sort in his own mind, with a view to divert the principal, and amuse himself with Teague, he entered the chamber of the professor; who sat in an elbow chair, with Thucidydes before him.——

What was the surprise of the Captain, to find that it was not Teague?

In fact, it was a person not wholly unlike him, especially in a tinge of the brogue which he betrayed in his discourse: for, though the professor was really a man of education, having been early sent to St. Omer's , where he had studied, being intended for a priest, and understood not only the Greek and Latin, but spoke French: yet in the pronunciation of the English tongue, he had that prolongation of the sound of a word, and articulation of the vowel o, which constitutes what is vulgarly called the brogue, as being the pronunciation of the native Irish, who being a depressed people, are most of them poor—and wear a kind of mean shoe, which they call a brogue.

After an apology to the professor for mistaking him for a certain Teague O'Regan, whom he had in his employment; at the request of the professors, the principal and the Captain took seats.

The professor said, his name was not O'Regan, being O'Dougherty; but he knew the O'Regans very well in Ireland. There was Paddy O'Regan in the same class with him at St. Omer's, when he read Craike. That he was a good scholar, and understood Craike very well; and he would be glad if he was over in this country to teach Craike here; it appeared to be a very scarce language; but he had become a praste, and was now a missionary to Paraguay, in South America.

The Captain, punning on his pronunciation of the word Greek, and willing to amuse himself a little with the professor, could not help observing, that he was under a mistake as to the scarceness of the Craike language in these States. That there were whole tribes who spoke the Craike language: there was that of the heron, and the raven, and several other fowls.—A German professor who was present, apprehending the Captain to be under a mistake, and willing to correct him, observed: It is, said he, the Creek language that the professor means. As to that, said the Captain, it is also spoken plentifully in America There is a whole nation of Indians on the borders of South-Carolina and Georgia, that speak the Creek language, men, women, and children.

The professor, knowing more of the classics than of the geography of these United States; and of the heathen gods more than of the aborigines of this country, expressed astonishment. If what you tell me be a trut, said he, it is a crate discovery:—perhaps dese may have de fragments o' de books o' de philosophers and poets dat are lost, and de professors cannot come across in deir own countries: but I have tought dat de Craike language was spoke only in de Morea, and a little in Russia and Constantinople.

The Captain assured him, the principal favouring the mistake by a grave face, and bowing as the Captain spoke, that it was absolutely the varnacular language of these people.

Why den, said the other, do dey not get professors from amongst dese to tache Craike in deir colleges?

Because, said the Captain, we have been heretofore on hostile terms with these Indians, and it is but of late that we have made a peace. But now, it is presumed, we shall have it in our power to procure from them able teachers.

The professor was alarmed at this, as supposing it would supercede the necessity of his services; or, at least, much reduce the price of his tuition. He could have wished he had not come to this quarter of the world: and was almost ready in his own mind, to bind up what he had, and go back to Clogher.

So ended the visit to the University, and the captain withdrew.

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IT may be thought a preposterous idea, that it could for a moment be supposed possible, that the pedeseque could have had the assurance to pass himself for a Grecian. But I had it from the Marquis de la Luzerne, that a friend of his, who was in some public capacity at Moscow, and was entertained by a principal inhabitant of the city, was asked by him to visit an academy where the French language was taught, and at which his son, a young lad, then was. What was the surprise of the gentleman, to find a Paddy from Cork, who understood not a single word of French or Latin, teaching an unknown gibberish, which most probably was Irish!

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CHAPTER X.

OUR chevalier was now at his wits end, not being able to conceive of any other place of amusement in which Teague might be found; when all at once it came into his head (led to it, perhaps, from the reference, in his late conversation, to the Indian tribes,) that probably he might have fallen in with the Indian-treaty-man, and have been prevailed upon to personate a chief. It appeared to him, therefore, advisable, to go directly to the secretary at war, to know if any party of Indians had been lately there to negociate a treaty.

Being introduced, and after some ceremony accosting the secretary, he gave him to understand why it was that he had the honour to wait upon him, viz. that he had a servant of the name of Teague O'Regan, an Irishman, who had been absent some days, and that from a circumstance which happened in the way to the city, he had reason to suspect, he might have been picked up by a certain Indian treaty-man, to supply the place of a Welch blacksmith, who had died, and had passed for a chief of the Kickapoos.

The secretary was a good deal chagrined, believing the Captain to be some wag, that had come to make this enquiry by way of burlesque on the Indian treaties; and with some irritation of mind, gave him to understand, that there had been no Indian treaty-man, or Kickapoo chief there; that no treaty had been held with the Indians for above a month past, since the king of the Togamogans had drawn goods; but treaty or no treaty, it ill became him, in the appearance of a gentleman, to throw a burlesque on government, by insinuating that his Irishman could be imposed upon them for a chief.

I mean no burlesque, said the Captain, a little irritated in his turn; I have had too much trouble to keep him from the Indian treaty-man that was coming here, to be disposed to jest with so serious an affair. The hair-breadth escape of going to Congress, or being licensed as a preacher, or being chosen as a member of the philosophical society, was nothing to this, as it was so difficult to guard against it, the Indian recruiters imitating savages, not only in their dress and painting, but in the dexterity to way-lay and surprise.

I wish you to know, sir, said the secretary, that I comprehend your burlesque very well. But though you and others may misrepresent our policy in the Indian treaties, it is base irony and ridicule to insinuate that the Indians we treat with are not chiefs.

Chiefs, or no chiefs, said the Captain, I am not saying, nor care; but only wish to know if you have been instituting any treaty with my Teague who has been absent some days.

I will be much obliged to you to withdraw from my office, said the secretary.

I shall withdraw, said the Captain, and not with that respect for your understanding and politeness which I could have wished to entertain. I have addressed you with civility, and I was entitled to a civil answer; but I see the "insolence of office," is well enumerated, by the poet amongst the evils that make us sick of life. Your humble servant, Monsieur Secretary, I shall trouble you no further.

Returning to the Indian Queen, a play-bill for the evening had announced the performance of the tragedy of Macbeth, and a farce called the Poor Soldier. A party of the gentlemen from the public house, had taken a box, and the Captain agreed to go with them to the play. Having delivered their tickets, and being admitted to the box, it struck the Captain to cast his eye upon the pit and galleries, and observe if he could any where descry the physiognomy of Teague. As before, when with the same view he surveyed the members of Congress, he could discover several that a good deal resembled him; but yet not the identical person. The curtain being now drawn, the play began. Nothing material occurred during the performance of the tragedy, save that when the witches came in, there was one in her cap and broomstick, whose features a good deal resembled the Irishman's, and who, had she not been an old woman and a witch, might have passed for Teague. The Captain was struck with the resemblance of features, and long frame of the bog-trotter, covered with a short gown and petticoat; and borrowing a glass from one that sat in the box with him, endeavoured to reconnoitre more perfectly, and could have sworn that it was the mother or sister of Teague, that had just came from Ireland and joined the company.

The tragedy being ended, the farce began to be acted, and who should come forward in the character of Darby, but the long sought for Teague. The fact was, he had before appeared in the tragedy, in the character of an overgrown red-headed witch. It was more natural for him to appear in the character of Darby, his own countryman; for he spake with the brogue naturally, and not by imitation. The managers had had him all the while of his absence from the Captain, under tuition, teaching him his part, which was not difficult to do— the manner and pronunciation being already his own.

It was this had induced the managers to take him up as a substitute; the person who actually played the part of Darby, being at this time out of the way. As the natural squeal of a pig is superior to an imitation of it; so it was allowed by the audience, that Teague exceeded the pseudo Irishman that usually performed this part. All were pleased but the Captain, whose sense of propriety could scarcely restrain him from throwing his cane at the bog-trotter. Thought he with himself, what avails it that I prevented him from taking a seat in a legislative body, or from preaching, or being a philosopher; if, after all, he has relinquished my service, and turned player; a thing, no doubt, fitter for him, than being a senator, or clergyman, or philosopher: because he can appear in some low character in the fare or comedy, and come off tolerably enough. For though amongst the dramatis personae of learned bodies, there are Tony Lumpkins and Darby M'Faddins in abundance, yet there ought to be none; and Teague had better be on the stage than in such capacities, since he must be somewhere. But to leave me without notice, after all my civilities to him, is ungrateful, and deserves all that I can say bad concerning him. I shall give myself no farther trouble on this head; but let him take his course: I must endeavour to find another servant who can supply his place.

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CHAPTER XI.

THE foregoing had been the reflections of the Captain during the exhibition of the farce. But the play being ended, and having come home, the next day he began to put his resolution in practice; and to think how he could supply himself with another servant. It struck him to purchase a negro; and mentioning this to the company, at breakfast, at the Indian Queen, one of the people called Quakers, who was present, and overheard the conversation, made an apology for the liberty he took in making some objections. Friend, said he, thee appears to be a discreet man from thy behaviour, and conversation; and if thee will not be offended, I would ask if thee canst reconcile it with thy principles, to keep a slave? As to that, said the Captain, I have thought upon the subject, and do not see any great harm in the matter. If we look to inanimate nature, we shall find, that the great law is Force. The Cartesians call it pressure and suction: The Newtonians call it attraction and gravitation. The sun, the largest body in the universe, endeavours to draw all towards it; while the lesser globes struggle to fly off at a tangent. The denser, that is, denser air takes place of the rare; and the heavier particles of water cause the lighter to recede. The tall oak overshades the underwood. There is a predominancy, and subordination in all things. In the animal creation, the weaker is always subject to the strong; who even devour them, when the flesh suits their appetite: and the very teeth and jaw-bone of carnivorous animals, show the intention of nature, that they should make a prey of living creatures. Do you blame yourselves, when you subjugate elephants, or horses, or oxen of the plough, to your use? What right have you to invade the liberty of a playful young colt, more than of an African inhabitant? Or have you not as good a right to take up a negro, and put him to your work, as you have to cut a calf, and manufacture him for the draft?

In this case, there is a difference, said the Quaker: for a negro is a human creature, and possesses all the natural rights of man.

That may be, said the Captain. But what are the natural rights of men? Are they not finally resolvable, as in the inanimate world, into power on the one hand, and weakness on the other?

Who is it that abstains from dominion, when he has it in his power to assert it? Power is the great law of nature; and nothing but the pacts or conventions of society can contravene it. I should think myself justifiable in making any man a slave to answer my purposes, provided I treated him well while he was such. This I take to be the only condition which the law of reason annexes to the enjoyment of such property. I may be warranted in taking, and managing an animal of the horse kind; but it is my indisputable duty not to abuse him by causing him to suffer famine, or endure too much toil. The same with any other animal that I enslave; there is a tacit condition annexed to the grant which the law of nature gives; that the service be exacted with moderation; and proper nourishment be provided. I admit also, that humanity would dictate that the happiness of the slave ought to be consulted as much as is consistent with my own convenience. For instance: If I had the Grand Turk in my power, as he has been accustomed to a soft and effeminate way of living, it would be hard to put him all at once to maul rails, or clearing out meadow ground; or if it should fall in my way to have Catharine of Russia in that capacity, as she is a woman of an elevated mind, it would be inhuman to put her to the lowest drudgery, such as scrubbing out rooms, and carrying water from the pump; but rather indulge her if I could afford it, with a more easy employment, especially as she is an old woman, of knitting stockings and carding wool. There is no man would be more disposed to treat a slave with tenderness than myself; but to deny me of my right altogether, of making one, or of trafficking for one when made, is carrying the matter too far.

So much for the right of enslaving. But if we put it on the principle of what will conduce to the aggregate happiness of mankind, we shall find it to be, that there should be master and servant, or in other words owner and slave. The economy of nature illustrates this, in the subserviency of one thing to another: But independent of any illustration, it must be known on reflection, and is felt in experience, that all are not competent to all things; and in the case of temporary servants, much time is taken up in contracting with them for their remanence; and it is a considerable time before they get into the habit of our service; and, having it in their power to retire from us when inclination may direct, there is an insecurity in the attachment. But as the slave has the master always to provide for him; so the master has the slave always to subserve him: and thus by a conjoint interest, the felicity of both is promoted, and the sum of human happiness increased. Hence it is, that most nations have made use of slaves. The patriarch Abraham, had three score and ten servants born in his house. What were these but slaves? The Jews, his descendants, had bond-men and bond-women: Were not these slaves? The Roman slaves were more in number than the citizens; and amongst the Greeks, the most virtuous of them, the Spartans, kept in their service the most depressed of all slaves, the Helotes; who, when we consider the black broth, the food, and severe life of the masters must have lived on poor fare, and in a laborious service indeed.

But it may be said, that example of wrong never constitutes right. Grant it: but if you examine the capacities, and even inclinations of men, will you not find that some are qualified only to be slaves. They have not understanding to act for themselves. Nor do all love freedom, even when they have it.—Do not many surrender it; and prefer kissing a great man's posteriors to being independent? It is not always, even from the views of advantage, that men are sycophants; but from an abstract pleasure in being drawn into the vortex of others. There is a pleasure in slavery, more than unenslaved men know. Why is it, that even after the convulsion of a revolution in government, in favour of liberty, there is a natural tendency to slavery; and it finally terminates in this point? The fact is, a state of liberty is an unnatural state. Like a bone out of place, the mind, in an individual, or political capacity, seeks the condition of a master or servant; avoiding, as the particular propensity may be, the one or the other. There cannot be a greater proof that this is founded in nature, than the common moral observation, that the greatest tyrants, that is, the worst masters, make the most abject slaves, and vice versa, that the most subservient of mankind, when you give them power, make the worst use of it: All this because, in these cases the persons are misplaced, and not in their proper stations. Julius Cæsar made a humane generous master; but he would have made a very intriguing, troublesome valet de chambre. It would have been impossible to have got any good of him. On the other hand, Tiberius would have made an excellent hostler, and taken a beating, with as much resignation as a house beagle, who is used to it. So that it evidently is the provision of nature, that there are materials of slavery; and the fault of those whom she intends for master, if they do not make slaves. But as it is difficult to determine, a priori, who are intended for slavery or freedom, so as to make a judicious distribution, things must take their course; and the rule be, catch, who catch can; and every man have a servant when he can get one. It is in vain to be squeamish, and stick at colour. It is true, I would rather have a white person, if such could be got; as I prefer white to black, especially in the summer season, as being a more light and airy colour.

Thy reasoning, said the Quaker, is more rhetorical than logical; and thy analogies of nature, and historical proofs, cannot so far oppress the light within, as to make me think, that it is given to thee, or me, to make slaves of our species.

As to that, said the Captain, I am not clear that a negro is of our species. You may claim kindred with him if you please; but I shall not.

I shall not dispute that with thee, said the Quaker: for I perceive thee does not give credit to what the book says of the first man, and his descendants. But will thee not grant me, that the African, though not of the same stock, is, at least a man; that is, of the human genus, though the species of the white and the black may not be the same; if so, hast thou more right to enslave him, than he thee?

Grant it, said the Captain; for my reasoning tends to that, and resolves the right into the power.

If so, said the Quaker, thee may be the slave in thy turn. Doubtless, said the Captain; and it is not of so much consequence who is slave, as that there be one. It is better that the foot be foot, and the head be head; but if there is a conversion, nevertheless, let there be head and foot. It is necessary that there be domination and subjection, in order to produce a compound improvement and advantage.

You could see by the Quaker's countenance, that he thought the reasoning sophistical; but as he did not know very well what he could say more, he was silent.

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CHAPTER XII.

CONTAINING REMARKS

IT is thought by some, the Captain was not serious in thus advocating the cause of slavery. Be that as it may, he omitted some serious arguments, that naturally present themselves on that side on which he reasoned: For instance, it strikes me at first blush, that there can be no moral wrong in catching a young African, and bringing him away from his own happiness to pursue ours. For if there were, is it to be supposed, that humane and just persons, would promote and support the evil, by purchasing such negro, and retaining him, and his off-spring, when purchased? For, on the principle that the receiver is the thief, or to speak more strictly, a thief, the purchaser of the African takes the guilt along with the possession; and in the language of the law, every act of retainer is a new trespass. For the evil of the original act, if there be evil in it, cannot be rendered pure by the filtration of purchase, and retaining. So that the holder of the negro, in the tenth transmission, is an aider, or abettor, of the original act of taking; if I may use the word aider, or abettor, in a case of trespass; where, by the definition of the law, all who any way concur in the act, and further it, are principals. The holder of a negro must, therefore, look back to that act which first made him, or an ancestor, a slave; and if he cannot justify the retaining him in servitude:—What a consequence must this be! There is no man that pretends to humanity, much less to religion, would be safe in being the possessor of a slave. The only way therefore to get rid of the difficulty is to justify, ab origine, traffic in all such property.

That it is justifiable I have no doubt. Is there any religious denomination, except the fanatical people called Quakers, that have made it a term of communion not to hold a slave? In admitting to church privileges, I have never heard of the question asked, Have you any negroes, and do you keep slaves? If it was a matter of conscience, would not conscientious persons themselves make it?

The assemblies of synods of the Presbyterian church, or conventions of the Episcopal, in America, have said nothing on this subject. Is an omission of this kind reconcilable with the idea, that it is a natural evil, or a moral wrong?

In the phrenzy of the day, some weak minded powers in Europe, begin to consider what is called the African trade as a moral wrong, and to provide for a gradual abolition of it. If they will abolish it, I approve of its being done gradually; because, numbers being embarked in this trade, it must ruin them all at once, to desist from it. On this principle, I have always thought it a defect in the criminal codes of most nations, not giving licence to the perpetrators of offences, to proceed, for a limited time, in larcenies, burglaries, &c. until they get their hands out of use to these pursuits, and in use to others. For it must be greatly inconvenient to thieves and cut-throats, who have engaged in this way of life, and run great risks in acquiring skill in their employment, to be obliged all at once to withdraw their hands, and lay aside picking locks, and apply themselves to industry in other ways, for a livelihood.

The law of Pennsylvania on this principle, has provided for the gradual abolition of the slavery of negroes; for those who have got them could not do without them, no more than a robber could do without the money that he takes, being pressed by some great necessity to make use of that expedient to recruit his purse. All those therefore who have been originally taken from the coast of Africa, and deprived of liberty, or descended from such, and inheriting slavery, when recorded agreeably to the act in question, continue slaves, and for life, and their offspring to a certain period. But were we to entramel the case with political or moral doubts respecting the original right of caption, and subjugation, the difficulty would exist of reconciling it with natural right to hold a slave for a moment even whether the law sanctioned it or not; in which case we should find it necessary to go as far as the fanatics in religion, and set our slaves free altogether.

It is from not duly attending to this circumstance, that abstract reasoners talk of abolition; a doctrine which, however absurd, is becoming the whim of the day; and the phrenzy seems to gain such ground, that I would not wonder if they would next assert that it is unlawful to use the servitude of horses, or other beasts of burden, as having a natural right to live in the fields, and be as free as mankind. The best way to avoid extremes, is to check the principle; I hold the right of absolute subjugation, of whites, blacks, and browns of all nations, against gradual abolition, or any abolition whatsoever. This being the only consistent principle, short of an absolute emancipation, made instantly; for in no mean is there reason, or a rest for conscience.

That it is of importance to settle the consciences of sober minded persons in Pennsylvania, clergymen, and members of the Presbyterian church especially, who have negroes, must be well known from that tenderness of conscience, for which such are remarkable. Some, indeed, carry their ideas of the extent of duties so far, as not to admit grace at meats, or the formal worship of prayer, reading chapters, and singing psalms, on the set occasions, on any consideration whatsoever; what is more, would not shave a beard, on the Sabbath day, for a cow. Now, should they, by any means, come once to think of the wickedness of enslaving men, there would be no getting them to keep a negro. For those of this denomination; and indeed, most, or all others of the Christian, hold that the Africans, though of a sable race, is of their own species; being descended from Adam.—This being the case, a slight matter, the bare directing their attention to the subject, would alarm pious people, and lead them to the favourite maxim of the gospel—"Do unto others, as you would have others to do to you."

As opposed to the enfranchisement of negroes, generally, and in Pennsylvania in particular, I have been under apprehensions, that some of our young lawyers in the courts, might plead the constitution of the state, by which it is established that "all men are born equally free and independent." Now admitting that a negro is a man how shall any master retain him as a slave? On a habeas corpus, he must be set at liberty. At least I cannot conceive how the judge could remand him to his drudgery. The constitution is the law paramount, and framed by a convention of the people, recognizing the original right of freedom in a negro, allowing him to be a man; and carries us above the act of the legislature for the gradual abolition, &c. which by implication seems to suppose that negroes may be slaves:—An implication inconsistent with the power exercised by the law. For if negroes were slaves, and so the property of those who claimed them, could the legislature affect that propery, without indemnification to the masters?

I shall say no more on this head, lest I should furnish hints to pettifoggers, who may make an ill use of their information.

The fact is, that this chapter, or something else, gave rise to a habeas corpus in the case of a negro: and which came to trial in the supreme court of the state. The argument occupied a whole week; but it was determined that slavery by law did exist in Pennslvania: maugre the constitution; which did not respect those in a state of slavery at the time of forming the constitution; and who were not parties to the compact; that it is a claim of property founded in wrong; but tolerated, until it can be consentient with general safety, and the happiness of slave and master to abolish it altogether.

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CHAPTER XIII.

JUST at this moment a waiter coming in, told him there was a person without, that is, in the bar-room, who wished to speak with him. Going out, he saw Teague.

The fact was, being elated with the success of his performance on the stage, attributing that to art which was nature itself, he had counted more upon his accomplishments than he ought to have done, and had made advances to the mistress of the manager, who was also an actress, and not greatly coveting an amour with the bog-trotter, made a merit of the circumstance, to induce an opinion of fidelity, and informed the manager of the presumption of the Irishman. The manager in the most unbecoming manner, without either citation, examination, trial, conviction, or judgment, but laying aside all forms of law, had instituted an original process of himself, and laying hold of a horse-whip, had applied this implement to the back and shoulders of Teague, and as the Irishman made an effort of resistance at the first onset, the manager had been under the necessity, by turning the butt-end of the whip, to knock him down, which he did by a stroke above the left eye-brow, which not only bereft him of senses for the present, but a discolouration of the eye for some days, and a scar probably his whole life after.

It was this incident had induced him to leave the theatre, and brought him back to the Captain, whom he now accosted in the following manner:—Dear master, for de love of shalvation, forgive a poor sharvant dat has been killed dis marning with a great cudgel, just for nothing at all, but not pleasing a damned whore, dat wanted me to stale de manager's cloathing, and go off wid her. Dis is all dat a poor sharvant gets by being hanest; but by shaint Patrick, and the holy crass, it is what I desarve for laving de sarvice of a good master, as your anour, and taking up with bog-tratters, and stage-players, dat would sooner take a cup of wine dan de holy sacrament, and get drunk every night in de wake, and go to the devil head foremost; but if your anour, dear master, will forgive the past, and my running away, and laving you, I will come back again, and sarve you to the day of judgment, or any langer time that your anour plases, and clane your boots and spurs, and rub down the bay harse; de poor old crature, how aften I have tought of him when I was in my rambles and he was aslape, laste they should chate him of his oats, and give him nather hay nor straw to ate; for I always liked to take care of a good harse, and a good master; and aften tought of your anour, when I was among the bog tratters of the stage, and gave you a good name, and was always talking of you and forgot my part, and put the managers in a passion, who fell upon me, and bate me like a dog.

The Captain saw the inconsistency in the relation, one while alleging the tale-bearing of the mistress, as the occasion of it; again, a deficiency in the recital of his part; but expecting no truth from the Irishman, cared very little how it came to pass. The principle thing that occupied his thoughts, was whether to receive the bog-trotter, or dismiss him. He reflected with himself on the trouble he had had with him, on his various pretensions to advancement; his uneasiness of mind and fatigue of body, for several days past, in examining stews, methodistical conventicles, rumaging philosophical societies, attending elections, and listening to the debates of congress, to see if he could any where observe his physiognomy, or distinguish his brogue. He could not think of subjecting himself to such uncertainty in the attendance of any servant, with such preposterous ideas, as being a legislator, philosopher, &c. Again he considered, that probably this last chastisement he had received, might have a good effect, in curing him of the freaks of his ambition; and a mind broken and reduced by disappointment, is in a mellow state, and more capable of receiving the seeds of good advice, than a mind full of vanity or pride, that has never yet received blows. Deliberating on these grounds, his humanity prevailed, and he determined to receive the ragamuffin into favour.

This being settled, and learning from the Irishman in what manner he had been inveigled, and drawn away by the manager to go upon the stage—and that it was only because Teague had made advances to a woman that was a whore already, that the manager had made such an attack upon his person, he wished to punish him, if it should appear to be within the province of the law to do it. Accordingly, inquiring what principal lawyer there was in that city, was informed of a certain counsellor Grab. Taking Teague with him, he set to consult this gentleman. Counsellor Grab was in his office, amongst large shelves of books, or shelves of large books; not as the Latins say, co-opertus, aut abrutus sed comitatus libris; that is, in the midst of his books. He had on a pair of spectacles, not so much on account of age, as to make the client believe that he laboured under a premature want of sight, from much reading; or, because a pair of lenses, magnifying the organs of vision, gives the appearance of a larger eye, which has a good effect on the person consulting, impressing the idea of a broader view of things that are before it.

Entering, the Captain addressed himself to the counsellor and gave him the outlines of the injury done to Teague; the counsellor, in the mean time, suspending his reading in a large book, which he had before him, printed in Saxon letter, and raising his head, until the glasses of his spectacles were brought to bear upon the physiognomy of the Captain.

The Captain having finished his account, referred him to Teague, the subject of the battery, for a more particular detail of the circumstances. Teague was glad of the opportunity of speaking before a learned lawyer, and was beginning to give a relation of the whole affair; but the Captain stopped him, bidding him wait until the lawyer should request him to begin. The lawyer was silent: after having reconnoitered with his glasses one while the Capain, another while Teague, he dropped his optics, and began to read again. The Captain, thinking he had not been sufficiently understood, re-commenced the narration, and gave an account of what he himself had suffered from the inveigling and detaining his servant, and the visible injury which the servant himself had sustained. They lawyer was still silent; and though he had eyed him while speaking, as a Tuscan astronomer would the moon, yet he applied himself again to reading the black letter that was before him.

The Captain thought it a strange treatment; and was, for some time, at a loss to know what to think of the matter. But recollecting, opportunely, that the circumstance of a fee had been omitted, he took out his purse, and threw down two dollars. The lawyer seemed a little moved, but cast his eye again upon the black letter. Finding the two dollars not sufficient, the Captain threw down two more. The counsellor raised his head from the book, and you might discern some dilatation of the muscles of the face, as bespeaking an approaching opening of the voice: But still there was silence, and might have been to this hour, had not the Captain recollected, at this moment, what he had all along forgot, that half a joe was the fee of a lawyer. Doubling, therefore, the four dollars that were already down, the lawyer came to his voice, the organs of his speech were loosed: and, taking the glasses from his eyes, he gave his counsel as follows:

Said he, you have a double remedy in this case: against the manager who inveigled, and against the servant himself:—Against the servant, on the act of assembly, if indented; at common law, on the contract to serve. For even a servant at will, and not engaged for any special time, is not at liberty to desert the service of his master without reasonable notice first given. So that you may have your remedy against the servant, in the first instance, by bringing the matter before the court of quarter sessions; and having time put upon him, as the phrase is, for this dereliction of your service; or, an action on the contract, express or implied, as the case may be, wherein he shall repair in damages, the loss sustained.

The bog-trotter was alarmed at the idea of an action against him; and looking wistfully at his master, exclaimed, Dear master, will you trow de law upon me, dat am as innocent as a child unborn; and would go to death and damnation for you. Dear master, I suffered enough by de cudgel of dat player, for all de running away I have done; and, Cod love your shoul, keep de law in its own place, and not let it come acrass a poor sharvant, that has nathing but as he works and trats about; but let dese grate big books of his anour de lawyer, speak to de manager, for his deceiving a poor sharvant, and putting it into his head to run away, and lave a good master; and his beating him wid a great cudgel into de bargain.

I have no desire, said the Captain, to pursue the bog-trotter; as he has made acknowledgments for his faults; but would want the utmost rigour of the law to be put in force against the player.

You have also in this case a double remedy, said the counsellor, by prosecution on the part of the servant, and on your part. Nay, the servant himself has a double remedy; for he may prosecute by indictment, or bring his action of assault and battery, or both. I would recommend the action only, because, where no indictment is prosecuted, and the civil action only brought, exemplary damages may be given, as well as reparatory. For in the civil action it will affect the minds of a jury, that the party has already suffered all that is in the nature of punishment by a criminal proceeding; and nothing remains with them but to give reparatory damages. On the part of the master, two kinds of action may be brought: either an action of trespass, vi et armis, laying a perquod servitium amisit, or simply an action on the case, for the consequential damage of inveigling the servant.

As to the number of remedies, said the Captain, or the kind of them, I care very little how many there are, or what they are; I want only a good remedy; give me a good swinging one against the rascal, and I care very little what it is called.

I shall then, said the counsellor, advise simply an action on the case, and count generally on the inveigling and detaining, and rendering unfit for service while in his power. In this mode the whole circumstances of the injury may be brought together, and summed up into one point of view, and enhancing the quantum of damages, can expatiate on the value of your servant, and the special occasion you had for his service at this particular juncture; for I make no doubt he is a valuable servant, and that it has been an irreparable injury to you, to have been defrauded of his service at this time.

As to his value, said the Captain, there can be no doubt, not only as a servant, but in other respects. I have been offered, or at least I suppose I could have got, an hundred pounds for him, to be a member of congress, or to preach, or to be an Indian treaty-man, but have refused every proposal made him or me for these purposes; and now to have him kidnapped and taken off, without fee or reward, and employed as an actor, and beat and rendered useless, at least for some time, into the bargain, is too much for any man to put up with. If there is law in the land, let it be put in force, and this man made an example.

The counsellor had no need of spectacles to give himself the appearance of a glaring and broad look on this occasion; for the words of the Captain made him stare sufficiently, without the aid of a magnifying medium to enlarge his optics. He began to take him for a madman; at least in some degree deranged in his brain, to talk of his servant being in request for a member of congress, and the like.

Yes, continued the Captain, he not only inveigled away a servant, that was thought fit to be a member of congress, and a preacher, and an Indian treaty-maker, and a philosopher, and what not, but has kept me these three days, trotting after him, and trying to find him at election places, and in congress boarding houses, and the hall where they have their debates, and churches, and pulpits, and chambers of philosophical societies, and professorships, and where not, to see if I could find him; while this manager had him, in the meantime, at rehearsals, teaching him the art of mimickry for the stage.

The counsellor, in the meantime, had reflected with himself, that, whether madman or no madman, the Captain had money and might be a good client, let his cause be what it would; and so composing the muscles of his face, seemed to agree with him; and observe that doubtless the quality and capacity of the servant would be taken into view, in estimating the damages: That, if it appeared he was not only fit stuff for a servant, but to be advanced to such eminent offices as these, not only inveigling the embryo legislator, preacher, and philosopher, but the assaulting and beating him, and by that means disabling him from immediate service, must be viewed in the light of an atrocious injury, and insure a verdict accordingly.

Very well, said the Captain, and I shall wish to have the matter determined as speedily as possible, as I may be but a few days in town; and besides, as the marks are yet apparent on the face, and I suppose back, of the bog-trotter, it will appear to the judges and jury, without the trouble of witnesses, what damages he has sustained.

The process of law, said the counsellor, is tedious, but certain: you cannot expect a trial in this case, until the 3d or 4th term—that is nine months or a year.

How so? said the Captain. Because, said the counsellor, it is now two months or upwards, before the court to which the writ will be returnable. Even if a declaration is then filed, the defendant may imparl until the succeeding term, which is three months; when, if there is no demurer, general or special, a rule to plead will be taken, which may not be put in until the succeeding term of three months again. At this term, if there is no replication, rejoinder, surrejoinder, rebutter, or surrebutter, to draw up and file, while the defendant may crave a term, issue will be joined, and at the next term trial. But even after a verdict, there may be the delay of a term, on a motion for a new trial depending: so that in the law there is delay, but this delay is the price of justice.

It is a price, said the Captain, that I will not give for it. If you will bring it about in a short time to have this fellow flogged, even with half the stripes he has given my servant, I shall not think the half-joe thrown away; but to be a year or half a year about the business, is putting the matter so far off, that it may as well be omitted altogether. If you could only get him sentenced to take a kick or two from my foot or Teague's, before we leave the city, I should be satisfied.

The lex talionis, said the counsellor, makes no part of our law. You can punish only in estate, not in person, for a simple assault and battery, such as this is. Do you not hang a man for murder, said the Captain; and why not punish personally for an assault and battery? Because it is our law, said the counsellor; and in a civil action, the object is damages.

A civil action and damages, are strange phrases, said the Captain, how can civility and damages be reconciled?

These are technical terms, said the counsellor, which persons not of the profession are at a loss to understand; but have in themselves a distinct and sensible meaning.

Let the terms mean what they will, said the Captain, it all comes to this at last: there is no getting at the manager under a year, or two years race for it; before which time Teague will have forgot the abuse he has received, and I my trouble in running after a strayed Irishman through this city; and therefore it may be as well to give the matter up, and sit down with the loss.

That as you please, said the counsellor: and putting on his spectacles, cast his eyes again upon the black letter.

The Captain beckoned to Teague to follow him, and withdrew from the chamber.

Having retired, Teague, said the Captain, this thing of law has been well said to be a bottomless pit. The way to it is like that to the shades;

—Facilis descensus averni;
Sed referre gradus, hic labor, hoc opus est.

This pettifogger seemed to have a thousand remedies at his command, and yet none that would serve us; as the redress, if any, is to be postponed to such a distant day. I have heard a great deal of these cattle, and I believe they are best off that have the least to do with them. They have so much jargon of technical terms, that the devil himself cannot understand them. Their whole object is to get money; and, provided they can pick the pocket of half a joe, they care little about the person that consults them. The first loss is the best: you had better put up with the currying you have got, than have my pocket picked, on pretence of redress a year or two hence, which may perhaps, prove a century.

Teague was content to put up with the drubbing, and have no more said about it.

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CHAPTER XIV.

THE Captain had consoled himself with the idea, that Teague was now cured of his folly, and would no more be disposed to entertain notions of ambition, and unreasonable projects. He was disappointed in his hope; for that very evening, the Irishman, washing down his woes with some exhilerating drink, and though not intoxicated, but enlivened only, came to the Captain:—Said he, Dear master, what would your anour think, if a poor sharvant should turn lawyer; and get a half joe when a customer comes to consult him in the morning? Would it not be better than currying a harse, and tratting about like a big dog; with no sense to live like a man of fartune, and have a big house over his head, and about him, and take half joes from paple that come to him about their quarrels and batings, through de town, and sending dem aff as wise as if dey had never come to him, and de great spectacles, to look like a blind man, dat was blind before he was born, and could see more than two or three other paple for all dat; and was a canjurer, and a wizzard, and could take money for nating: Would it not be better, master, dan tratting like a fool, and disputing wid paple, and having nating to lay up; but be as poor as a church mouse, or a rat, all the days of our life, and paple laugh after us when we are gone.

The Captain was thrown into a reverie of thought, by the speech of the bog-trotter; reflecting that his presumption and folly was incurable; for, notwithstanding all that had been said to him, or suffered by him, his natural propensity remained the same; according to the maxim—Naturam expellas bifurea, usque recurret; you may toss out nature with a pitchfork, she will still come back upon you. Not so much from any further view of reclaiming him, as from indignation and resentment against his presumption, the Captain projected, in his mind a farther means of chastising him. He had heard of a work house in this city, into which refractory servants are committed, and put to hard labours: such as pounding hemp, grinding plaister of paris, and picking old ropes into oakum. He resolved to have the raggamuffin put into this a while. Counterfeiting therefore an approbation of his project of becoming a lawyer, doubtless, said he, the profession of the law is a profitable business, where money is very easily got by the bare breath of the mouth. Nevertheless it requires time and study to qualify for this profession. Nay, the introduction to the study, by being put under an eminent lawyer in full practise, is itself very expensive. An hundred pistoles is sometimes the fee. This I could not very well afford; but I have an acquaintance in this town, who, I am persuaded, would be willing to oblige me, and will take less. I will call upon him early to-morrow, and settle the contract.

Accordingly, the next day, calling on the keeper of the work-house, he gave him an account of his refractory servant, and with a gratuity of a couple of guineas, obtained his consent to take the bog-trotter under his direction, and give him a few lessons in picking oakum, and grinding plaister of Paris, and pounding hemp, not withholding, in the mean time, a seasonable application of the cow-skin, in the intervals of study of these several branches of the law. For the idea was to be imposed upon Teague that this was an office, or as it were an inn of court, or chamber of the Inner Temple; and that the several flagellations, and grindings and poundings were so many lessons and lectures to qualify him for the practice of law.

It happened, fortunately, that the keeper of the work-house was well qualified for the task; for in early years he had been put an apprentice to an attorney, and had some opportunity of attending courts, and hearing the names of books to which the advocates referred in their pleadings; but having a turn for extravagance, and a dissolute manner of life, he had come to poverty, and through various scenes to jail. There by address he had gained a good will of the jailor's daughter, whom he married; and by the interest of his new father-in-law, having obtained his liberation, he was from acting as deputy jailor, in a series of time, at length promoted to be the keeper of this work-house. Indeed from his employment, being acquainted with the prisoners, and finding himself sometimes interested in their fate, and being led to attend their trials, he had, even in his last capacity, been a good deal about courts, and heard law phrases and books mentioned.

Accordingly, when Teague was introduced, which was that very afternoon, he had at his command the names of the abridgers, and reporters, and commentators, of the law, and the technical terms in the commencement and process of a suit; so that, when the key was turned, and, after having stript him of the linen doublet that was upon him, he began to give him the first application of the cow-skin, he told him this was reading Wood's Institutes; and when, after this, he was sentenced to an hour or two's hard labour, at grinding plaister of Paris, this was called Coke upon Littleton: and when the employment was varied, pounding hemp, or picking oakum, it was called Hawkins's Pleas of the crown, or Foster, or 4th Blackstone, &c. When the poor bog-trotter, reduced to a skeleton, living on bread and water, complained of the hard usage, and offered himself a servant for life, to curry horses and brush boots, to any Christian creature that would take him out of that place; he was told that, as he had begun the study of the law, he must go through with it; that that was but the commencement of the suit; that in a year's time he would learn to file a declaration; in another, to put in a plea; in a third, to join issue; and in a fourth, to conduct a trial; that unless a bill of exceptions had been filed, or there was a motion in arrest of judgment, or writ of error brought, he might be admitted the fifth, and begin to practice the sixth year: At all events, provided he would submit himself with due application to fasting, and cowskinning, and grinding plaister of Paris, pounding hemp, and picking oakum, he might be a lawyer the seventh year, and wear spectacles like counsellor Grab, and take half a joe when he thought proper.

I know not by what simile to represent the howl of the Irishman at this prospect of the duration of his woes. It was like that of a wolf at the bottom of a well, or a dog that had lost his master, or a cow her comrade, or some forlorn wanderer that has missed the way and given up all hopes of being extricated from the wilderness. At the various applications of the cow-skin, he had jumped, and cursed, and swore, and prayed, and beseeched, and promised a thousand services, of currying horses and brushing boots, and trotting wherever he was ordered, provided they would set him at liberty. When employed at the hard labour, before mentioned, he had groaned, and cursed the law, the counsellor and the half joe. Ah, thought he if my dear master, the Captain, knew how hard a ting it was to study law, and to fast widout ating or drinking, and be bate wid a cowskin, he would not have given de hundred pistoles, nor the half of it, to have had me kicked and cuffed in dis manner: I would give body and shoul into the bargain, if I could see him once more at dat iron gate, dere, to spake to him, and besache him to take me out of this purgatory. He was a good master; and when I was a fool, and wanted to be a member of congress, and prache, and be a phalosophar, he told me, Teague, you are a fool; and what they would do wid me dere; how they would bate me, and ate me, and take de skin aff my back, and make a cow or a shape od me; and now I am worse dan a cow or a shape, or a horse in de tame; for I am cut and curried black and blue, till my flesh is raw, and a cholic in my belly, wid fasting; and all to stoody dis law. De devil take counsellor Grab, and de half joe.

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CHAPTER XV.

THE Captain having been led to think so much of law, of late, was struck with the idea of visiting courts of justice, and hearing some of those cases argued which come before them. Understanding that a court was then sitting, he resolved to take the opportunity of the interval of Teague's purgation in the work-house, to amuse himself with the pleading of the advocates. Accordingly, repairing to the court-house, he took his place amongst the crowd, and listened to what was going forward.

What came before the court was a motion in arrest of judgment. A Jonathan Mun had been indicted, and found guilty of "feloniously taking and carrying away water out of the well of Andrew Mab." It was moved in arrest of judgment, that larceny could not be committed of water in a well, it being real property: for it was a distinction of the common law, that larceny cound not be committed of things real, or savouring of the reality. Black. 232. 2 Ray. 470. Hawkings, &c. So that taking away the soil was merely a trespass; and taking away water could be no more.

It was answered, that water being fluitans et mobilis, could not be considered real property; that an ejectment would not lie for water, but for so many acres of land covered with water, Velv. 143. 1 Burr. 142. Because it was impossible to give execution of a thing which is always transient and running, Run. 36. quotes Cro. Jac. 150. Lev 114. Sid. 151. Thence it is that in a grant of the soil it is necessary, as we see from old forms, to add the right of ways, woods, and water-courses, Lilly. Con. 132. and 179. Bridg. Con. 321. That whatever might be said of water in its natural bed on the soil, as water in a running stream; yet a well being dug by the labour of hands, the water thus acquired, must be counted as personal, not real property. Barbcray, Titus, and Locke. That at a well, the water being drawn up by the bucket, and thus by one act separated from the freehold, and by another taken from the bucket, it becomes a subject of larceny; as in the law of corn, trees, or grass growing. For if these be severed at one time, and at another time taken away, it is larceny. Hawk. Pl. Cr. 93.

It was replied, that an ejectment would lie of water in a well; for here the water is fixed in a certain place, within the bounds and compass of the well; and is considered as part of the soil. Run. 37. That ex vi termini, in the indictment, "out of the well," it must be considered as water ex, out of, or from the well; that is, water severed by the very act of taking; for otherwise it would have been expressed, by "water out of the bucket" of Andrew Mab; not out of the well; and so the taking could not be larceny, but trespass; as in the case of a tree that is cut down at one time, and taken away at another; or apples growing on a tree, or shaken down and gathered from the soil; the first being a trespass, the second larceny.

Curia advisare vult.

The Captain whispering to lawyer Grab, enquired what difference it made in the punishment, whether it was larceny or trespass? He was answered that in the one case it was hanging by the common law, and in the other to pay the value of the property. A very material difference indeed, said the Captain, to depend on so nice a distinction.

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CHAPTER XVI.

THE Captain had now leisure to reflect on the predicament in which he had left Teague; and thinking he might have had what was sufficient to cure him of his folly, or at least restrain it, thought of making a visit to the house of employment, or sending to liberate the valet.

This thought running in his head, he naturally suggested it to a gentleman with whom he was, at this time, in conversation, on different subjects; the gentleman lodging at the same inn, or public house, and seeming to be a person of considerable shrewdness and discernment, not only of the affairs of men in general, but of the special spirit and character of these times.

Said the gentleman; The folly of your man has certainly been very great, to suppose, that he could be qualified to sustain the profession of an advocate, and to practice law: For, though in this, as in most other professions, "the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong;" but the people that showeth favour; that is, take up an opinion of abilities, where there are none; yet your servant, having so little even of the semblance of qualification, it would be counting too much on the circumstance, to promise great success in his case. His prospect of advancement would be much more certain in the political career. You seem, by your account, to have discouraged him in taking a seat in the legislature; and would not wish now to contradict yourself: yet why not indulge him in taking a place in the executive of some government? As far as I see, with that ambition which is natural to him, you will find him but of little use, as a waiter: and you may as well let him do something for himself, as not. If appointed in the department of finance, he can use clerks; and, in a very short time, he may learn to write his name, so as to give his signature to any paper; and this, with the help of clerks to do the accountant business, would be sufficient: At least there have been those in these departments, who have been approved, and yet could do little more. Should he even become a governor; furnished with a secretary, he can be at no loss to compose his messages, or other communications, to individuals, or public bodies.

But what I would propose, and will suit him best, will be to go into the general government: and, under this, the diplomatic line will be eligible. He might be appointed consul to the port of Cork or Dublin; or the Barbary States; or other places: or he might go as ambassador to the grand Mogul; or envoy extraordinary to the king of England; or other princes or potentates in Europe.

If you should think of favouring him in his career, it will be necessary for him to appear at the levee of the president, that he may be introducted with a certain gradual etiquette of advancement.

What! said the Captain, introduce a ragged bog-trotter to the president of the United States!

Not ragged, said the gentleman; you can have a pair of breeches made for him; and put shoes upon his feet: a sword will be necessary; and some other articles of equipment. And when you bring this into view with his making his fortune, you will not consider it as advancing much for a person whom you wish to serve.

The Captain began to think there was weight in the observations of this gentleman; and that it might be proper to let the bog-trotter have a chance of doing what he could: Accordingly he wrote a note to the keeper of the house of employment to liberate him for the present.

The state of politics at this time, and the prospect of Teague's advancement, we shall leave to the next book.

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POSTSCRIPT.

IT is well for men in office, that my pen has taken this turn; and that I employ myself in writing harmless nonsense, rather than strictures on their conduct. In the case of the famous Gordon, who, with Trenchard, was an author of what were styled Cato's Letters, it is well known that the shrewd minister of that day, Walpole, dreading the effects of these writings, wisely laid a plan to free his administration from them; by affecting to admire the style; and saying, that it were a pity so noble a genius were not employed in giving a sample of good language, where there would be no occasion to invent, but merely to cloathe ideas. For this reason he would consider it a great happiness, could he be induced to translate some work of merit; and give it in the beautiful garb of his expression. By this address and the addition of a pension, the author was induced to undertake the translation of Tacitus.

Now, what government, with great art, got Gordon to do, I have done of my own accord; that is, to amuse myself in abstract composition; regarding words only, and letting men of place alone. Nevertheless, as the sale of these is not certain; and if I should find it an expense, rather than a profit, to proceed in the work, I may quit it, and fall foul of the public measures, those who discharge the public trust, at the present time, may not be altogether safe. It were, therefore, wise policy in such, to assist the sale as much as possible; and it might not be amiss, in the first instance, to buy up, each of them, a number of copies. I do not know that I have any thing to say of the president of the United States; or that I would say it, if I had; nevertheless, it might not be amiss for him, on the principle of preservation, and, agreeably to that universal prudence he has ever shown, to take a few; perhaps fifty might suffice. The secretary of the treasury, and the secretary at war, might take between them, about five hundred. As to the secretary of state, he is such a skin-dried philosopher, that an author would make as little out of him, as a fly would out of a weather-beaten bone; and so, it is of little consequence to him, whether he buys one at all; for I believe I shall not trouble my head about him. As to the Congress, that have sat since the adoption of the federal constitution, they need not put themselves to the expense, individually or collectively of purchasing one pamphlet; as I am determined not to be bought off by them; but in a work which I shall by and bye publish, will canvass freely, the respective demerit of their votes. I have not yet written any part of this work; but I have it all in my mind; and if I had a ready amanuensis, to take it down, could give a volume in a short time.

The whole gradation of officers and place-men, under government, are a good deal in my power. Not that I would descend to attack them; but I might affect the system by which they are supported. A pretty liberal purchase, therefore, on their part, might be money not ill laid out.

The men that are upon the government of Pennsylvania, would find their account, in making it worth my while to let my fingers run in this way, a while longer. Pervam ne scribam; I must write; and if I should break out upon them, I know not where I might end.

INTRODUCTION

TO BOOK III.

PROCEEDING with my object; the giving an example of a perfect style in writing, I well know, that it will not all at once, and by all persons, be thought to be the model of a perfect style, for it is only the perfectly instructed, and delicately discerning that can discover its beauties: and perhaps none will be more apt to pass them by, than the learned of the academies, versed in grammar rules of writing, for there is a greenness in the judgment of the school critics with respect to what is simple and natural in composition.

To illustrate this by analogy. Let a dancing master pass his judgment on the movements of the best bred man in life; and not finding in his position and attitudes, an evident conformity to the lessons of the saltatory art, he will conclude that he has not been taught to move with propriety. He does not know that it is this very circumstance that constitutes the excellence of the movements of the easy and perfectly genteel man; to wit, that when you observe him, it will never once come into your mind that he thinks of his attitudes or positions in the least; but that every movement is just as it happens, and without any intention on his part. Ars est celare artem. It is the secret of good taste and perfection in behavior to conceal that you ever think of it at all. So it is the most perfect proof of a good style, that when you read the composition, you think of nothing but the sense; and are never struck with the idea that it is otherwise expressed than every body would express it.

That style is not good, where it appears that you have not dared to use a word without thinking a long time whether you ought to use it; that, in the disposition of words, you have carefully studied which ought to go first and which last; and, that your sentence has a cadence which could not come by chance; but is the effect of design and art.

I acknowledge that no man will ever possess a good style that has not well studied, and exercised himself in writing, selecting with a most perfect delicacy, in all cases; the proper term; but he must go beyond this, and be able to deceive the world, and, never let it come into their heads that he has spent a thought on the subject. But it is not one in five hundred that is born with such sensibility of nerve as to be able to attain, even with the help of great instruction and practice, a perfect judgment in the use of words. It is for this reason that I am ambitious of the praise of writing well so far as respects language. For it requires no uncommon structure of nerves, or organization of the brain to produce good sense; the mass of mankind is equal to this.

Language, as it is the peculiar gift, so it is the highest glory of our species; and the philologist is to be considered as cultivating the most useful and ornamental of all arts. Pursuing therefore solely the use of words, I do not descend professedly to think of sense; nevertheless, if at any time there should be found ideas that have some consistency and meaning, they may deserve attention, as much as if it was the primary object of my work to express them; for it is not their fault if I set little store by them, and think more of the dress than I put upon them than I do of themselves.

I am happy to find that in the review of this publication, given by the critics, my ideas of the merit of the style, are recognized, and fully justified; and as my work may be well supposed, to have a much more extensive circulation, and to live longer than miscellaneous performances, I have thought it not amiss, for the honour of the critics to extract some part of the observations which have been made by them, and which are as follows:

"The author of the work before us, is well known in the literary world for his treatise on the economy of Rats, a satirical composition, in which under the veil of allegory, he designates the measures of the federal government; as also for his history of Weasels, in which the same strokes are given to those at the helm of our affairs, in a different fable, and narration. In the present work which he entitles Modern Chivalry, he disowns the idea of any moral or sentiment whatsoever, and proposes style only, as the object of the composition. And to this object, in our opinion, he scrupulously adheres; for though on some occasions, there would seem to be a semblance of idea, yet this we must attribute to the imagination of the reader, just as in looking upon a plaistered wall, attentively for a long time, you will conceive the inequality of the surface, or accidental scratchings, to be the shape of birds and beasts, or the letters of the alphabet. Yet as reason in this case will correct the fancy, and bring to mind that there is really no character or image there, there being none intended; so, on a perusal of the work in question, looking a long time for sense, you may at last conceive that you observe some glimmerings of it, yet, when you recollect that you have it from the author himself that he means none, you will be sensible that it is nothing more than the accidental combination of words which has given this picture to the mind.

"Style, then, which is his object, must also be ours, in our view of the publication. For, to give a simile; if a manufacturer of cloth, or a tailor that forms it into vestments, should come forward, and produce each his work, to be considered merely as to the manufacture, or making up, without regard to the materials of the woof and warp in the one case, or the wearing in the other, it would be absurd to enquire of these, when nothing was proposed to you respecting them, by the artists themselves.

"Confining ourselves therefore to the style of this performance, we observe that it has what is the first characteristic of excellence; viz. Simplicity. This consists in the choice of the plainest and most familiar words, and in the arrangement of the words in their natural order. There is a great difference between a vulgar term, or phrase, and that which is common, and comes first upon the tongue, in easy and familiar conversation. It is the mistake of this distinction which leads some writers to avoid the phrase that any one would use, and seek out what is uncommon. Hence there appears a variation in the words they put upon paper, from those which they themselves would use in conversation. And why this? Ought not language to be precisely the same whether spoken or written?

"Perspicuity is the natural result of simplicity, and needs not be laid down as a different characteristic. For can there be obscurity in that composition where the most familiar word is used, and that word put in its proper place? This brings to mind the definition of stile by Swift: "proper words in proper places."

"There can be nothing more easy than the composition of our author. His writing savours of the skill of an artificer who after many years exercitation in his art, acquires a power of accomplishing his work by a habit of the fingers, independent of any application of the mind. So that while in the style of others there is an appearance of exertion, here there is what a superficial observer would call carelessness, but which the sound critic will discover to be the result of a perfect mastery of all that relates to language.

"It is pretty generally believed that our style has been constantly degenerating from the time of queen Anne, in whose reign flourished those immortal penmen, Swift, Addison, Arbuthnot, Tillotson, Bolinbroke, &c. If the style of this author is examined, and compared with those models, it will be found to be in the same pure, simple attic taste. We shall, therefore, not hesitate to recommend it as a restorer of all that is correct and beautiful in writing." But this will suffice for an introduction. I proceed to the body of the work.

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BOOK III.

CHAPTER I.

IT will be recollected, that, wearied with the preposterous ambition of the bog-trotter; the Captain, by the advice of a gentleman, had consented to let him try his luck of getting into some employment under government.

However; after reflecting with himself, a long time on the subject, he could not help expressing to the gentleman, with whom he was still in conversation, his doubt of the success of such pretensions. Said he, after all, I do not see how it can be reasonable to suppose that he can come to any great height, in state affairs: he is totally illiterate and uncultivated.

As to that, said the gentleman it is no reason at all. Do we not read in history, of persons of the lowest education who have risen to the greatest heights both in the civil, and military line? Butcher's sons, keepers of pigs, feeders of sheep, traffickers in small wares, have come to be Cardinals, Popes, and Ministers of state. That impulse of mind which prompts him, to be something, indicates a capacity to be something. We seldom find in men, a strong desire of obtaining any thing which depends on human power, who have not been able to obtain it. Hence it has been said that let a man determine to be lord mayor of London, and he may arrive at that dignity.

The Captain yielding to the reasons, began to think, in what manner, it might be proper, to give him an introduction, and bring him forward; whether to endeavour to cultivate an acquaintance with some members of Congress, or the heads of departments, such as the Secretary of the Treasury, of State, at War, &c. or to begin with some of the subordinate clerks, and rise gradually to the knowledge of the principals.

This, said the gentleman, would be beginning at the wrong end. These people must naturally be jealous, especially of such as appear to have talents; not knowing but that in time they may come to supercede them. The most advisable way is to attack the head at once: present him at the levee of the President, and make him known to the Chief Magistrate. This is going to the fountain, and not depending on the streams, that divide among themselves; and sometimes sink in the earth and disappear. Having been once seen at court, he will acquire friends; and the President himself, can with more propriety take notice of him.

But would it not be necessary, said the Captain, before we undertake to present him at the levee of the president, that I should have him rubbed down, and cloathed a little better than he is at present?

Not at all, said the gentleman. It will be best to present him puribus naturalibus, just as he is, without brogues; in his overalls, with that long coat and slouched hat, which you have given him to wear. The president, seeing him as he is, will anticipate what he may be, when he comes to be dressed off in a suitable manner; and imagination always out-goes the reality. Besides, unless he had been accustomed for some time to good clothing, he will appear awkward in it, and move with pain to himself and to others. Take a country girl that is neat enough in her short gown and petticoat, and put her in a fine silk with stays, and she will appear to much less advantage. A clown in his jacket and trowsers is respectable; but in a broad-cloth coat, with suitable habiliments he would move ridicule.

Governed by these observations, the Captain proposed to take Teague to the levee next evening.

The gentleman who thus advised the Captain, though a grave man, I do not think was serious. He has been what we call a wag, and wished to amuse himself with the extravagance of introducing Teague as a candidate for public offices and taking him to the levee. For the Irishman was certainly in no very decent apparel to appear at the court even of a republic. The jacket and trowsers, or overalls as some call them, that he had upon him, though of rough materials, being a coarse tow linen, that had not had but one boiling before it was made up, were not even whole—what is more, not clean, not that he had voluntarily on some great occasion, for a public or private calamity, as was the manner of the Jews, rent his garments and put on sackcloth, and strewed ashes on his head; but what came to the same thing, by lying by the fireside at night, and wrestling in the day with the hostler and servants at the tavern, he was reduced to the same raggedness and ash-powdered state.

Nevertheless, though there might not have been time to have washed his duds; yet a patch or two might have been put upon his vestments; a considerable impression having been made upon his flank by a sharp point; and his rear being uncovered, a hands-breadth or more, unless indeed his breeches had been taken off altogether, and he had come forward a real sans culotte, without any thing on his backside at all.

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THE LEVEE.

HAVING waited with impatience for the evening, the Captain, with the candidate, set out for the levee. Arriving at the door, the Captain, entering first, and Teague just behind, he addressed the President: said he, May it please your Excellency, here is a young man, whom I take the liberty to introduce as a candidate for state employment. He has been offered a seat in congress. But it appears to me that a place in the executive department would suit him better—his name is Teague O'Regan; and has been for some time a servant of mine, a bog-trotter; but I believe I could now spare him if your excellency has occasion to make use of him.

The attorney general, and several others who were present, were a good deal confounded at the proposition. A little lean Frenchman in the room, with a sword by his side, was astonished; and expressed above an hundred foutres to himself in the compass of a minute; I do not mean that he spoke out, but thought them to himself in a short space. A British consul present, who was a man of a philosophic turn of mind, could not but reflect on the nature of a republican government, and the extraordinary assurance of the lowest class to pretend to offices.

The president, in the mean time, contemplating the object, made a pause. But after some time, recollecting himself, bowed to the Captain, and to Teague, and signified that doubtless proper notice should be taken of the merits of the gentleman, and provision made for him. This he said, bowing at the same time in a circular manner, and turning round as if to converse with another person, to whom attention was in his turn due.—Teague in the mean time advancing with his mouth open, and both his arms stretched out, was about to harangue in his own dialect, as plase your anour, &c. but an aid-de-camp of the President, or some one concerned in the ceremonial of the occasion, touching the Captain and Teague, and conversing with them towards the door, gave them to understand that they might depart for the present: and that there was no manner of question, but that his excellency had taken a notice of the matter, and when any appointment was about to take place, the gentleman would be remembered.

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CHAPTER II.

CONTAINING REMARKS AND OBSERVATIONS.

I OBSERVE, from some scraps in the public papers, that the holding a levee by the president of the United States, has given offence to men of severe and extreme republican ideas: for, as at the reformation from the Roman Catholic superstition, the Puritans, and other thorough paced reformists, were offended with the church of England, for retaining some particulars of the ancient ceremonies: such as the ring in marriage; the cross in baptism; the surplice; kneeling at a sacrament; bowing at the name of Jesus, &c. so here: the more rigid revolutionists from monarchy object to any vestige of its customs, and would lay aside totally all resemblance of it.

On the other hand, it is suggested by those who would justify or apologize for the holding a levee, that it is in itself no substance or essential of monarchy; it is, at the most, but a shadow of it, and can do little harm; that the institution was suggested by John Adams, who, having just returned from his embassy in England, had no doubt good reason to suppose that it would be pleasing to the English people, who were accustomed to such things; and to the king especially, who, as far as we understand from Peter Pindar, is but a thick-headed prince: it would be pleasing for him to reflect that though he had lost direct authority and jurisdiction in these states, yet we were still disposed to touch, as it were, the hem of his garment, and adopt some of the trappings of royalty. In this case he could with more propriety take notice of his brother George, having a levee like another prince, than if he remained but a bare republican, like a plucked fowl, without any plumage to decorate his dignity. It is also said, that it was on this principle that Citizen Adams proposed introducing titles of nobility, such as Duke and Dutchess, Marquis and Marchioness, Count and Countess, Baronet and Baroness, &c. For, that complying in these small matters with the style of the English ranks, and the genius of their government, it would produce and preserve a greater amity between the nations, and with the court especially, and enable us to obtain greater advantages in our treaties of commerce. Whatever may have been the principle, I do not think the proposition bad. It could not be blameable: for Saint Paul himself, in matters of religion, a thing much more delicate in its nature, did not hesitate to shave the heads of four young men to please the Jews; and what was worse, circumcised the poor boy Timothy. What then, if to humour a weak king and a prejudiced people, we had received the appellations of nobility? Besides, the matter might have been so managed, as not to injure the stamina of our constitution; that is, not to confer the titles; but let the people take them. Carlisle, for instance, the constable in Philadelphia, might have called himself Lord Carlisle, and so on.

The advocates for a levee say, that it is useful in order to avoid the interruptions of persons calling on the President at his private hours, who have no other business than merely to be introduced and to see him; that setting a couple of hours aside, one day in the week, for the purpose of satisfying the curiosity of the people is a good economy; and is like throwing a barrel to a whale, in order to preserve the ship. For that, if this was not indulged, little else could be done through the week, than attending to the formality of receiving visitants. To this it is answered, that it must be impertinent in any one to call upon the President who has no business with him, and if he has business, a levee is not the place to settle it; that the Roman Pretors, and Grecian Archons, made out to discharge their offices, without this expedient; that it is not consistent with the honour of wise and modest republicans, to have it supposed, that from idle and light-headed curiosity, they would be troublesome to their chief magistrate; if any were so, calling once, they could be dismissed in such a manner as to cure them of it; and the thing being once known to be improper, the idea would pervade the mass of the citizens, and the most uninstructed would be taught not to transgress by so obvious an intrusion.

Besides; the curiosity of seeing a man eminent in office, exists chiefly with weak minds; for the more solid know, that it is not the figure of a great man that has made him such; but a series of prudent and successful conduct. They are sensible that when they see the most distinguished in arts, in letters, or in arms, they will see a person that looks just like another man. Is it worth while then, say the anti-levites, to consult the curiosity of gaping haubucks, by obliging the chief magistrate of a government, to show himself to them once a week, when he has so much real business on his hands?

For my part, lying at the back of a mountain here; the cool west wind blowing on me; I find myself little heated with the difference of opinions on this question. All I shall say is, that the ceremony of a levee would not be agreeable to my mind; and if I should be chosen President at any time, with which my friends flatter me, I believe I shall not continue it, unless, indeed, I should be allowed to discharge it by proxy. For I could not myself submit to stand two hours, once a week, in a circle, like a bear at a stake, to be saluted by all comers and goers, and be obliged to say some words, of course, to get clear of them. It is possible, this declaration may affect my election; but such is my habit of candour, that, being on the subject, I could not help making it. And I flatter myself, the most strenuous levites, may be reconciled to it, when I propose in its place to have myself taken off the more abundantly in portraits, and to have innumerable medals struck, representing my physiognomy and features; and to assist this, I shall not be backward to have descriptions given of my person, manners, and apparel, to satisfy the curiosity of strangers. This I hope will suffice.

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CHAPTER III.

FROM the reception at the levee, which the Captain thought favorable, he began to entertain more confidence in the advancement of Teague; and, under this impression, thought it now advisable to begin to take some pains with his bodily appearance, and by the next interview produce him to the best advantage.

To conduct this by system, the first thing was to heave him down, as it were, and scrape off his barnacles. This was done by ordering into an apartment of the kitchen, a tub of warm water. His overalls being stript off, and putting his feet and legs in this, with hickory ashes and a pint of soft soap, the hostler was occupied an hour or two, in the necessary lotion and friction, until the upper skin began to come off, and the natural complexion of his flesh to appear. After this, being stript altogether, his whole body underwent the same operation, the Captain standing by, and ordering his joints to be stretched, in the manner of the Turks in their baths. After this, a clean shirt was put on him, and the usual attire of a common man.

The next thing to be done towards forming the bog-trotter, to some degree of decency, was the teaching him some more easy movements of his person, so as not to lift his feet so high, or make such long strides: as not being necessary, where there were now no sloughs or ditches to leap over, but carpets, or plain floors to step upon. This with the instructing him in what manner to turn his toes out, or at least to keep his feet parallel in walking; and turning round, to throw one heel into the hollow of the other foot; at the same time, in what manner to bear his arms and head; and to preserve or incline his body, in receiving or returning a salutation—considering by what means this was best attainable, the Captain thought to himself it might be advisable, in the first instance, to employ a dancing master. For though the lessons of such a teacher, might not give ease of behaviour, all at once, yet these might lay the foundation of it. For no man ever came from the hands of a dancing master with a natural ease and flexibility of joint and limb; yet being taught to move by rule at first, in the course of mixing with good company, the wire edge of art would wear off, and an ease of demeanor be attained.—For this reason he thought proper, the next morning, to send for Monsieur Duperie and to address him as follows:

Monsieur Duperie, said he, here is a young man of some talents, as the world supposes, though I never could find them in him; who is in a fair way to be introduced into the political and probably the gay world: and as he is but rustic and awkward in his movements, I would wish to have him polished; not that I expect he can attain to great perfection in the highest species of the dance; such as the minuet, or the cotillion, or even the manœuvres of a contre dance, but simply in the position of his feet, and to step and move with propriety. For I do not think it necessary for a statesman, that he be a proficient in the saltatory art; but, simply, that he be able to bear himself upright, and to enter a room in an easy manner, and not take too long strides in walking across the floor.

The Frenchman, eyeing Teague, thought with himself that he was but a rough subject to work upon; nevertheless, concealing his sentiments, as the manner of the nation is polite and compliant, he replied. Monsieur Captaine, said he, ver great sensible of de honneur, que vous me faites, de attitude of d'ourself be so ver natural, dat prove de high degree que vous acquis in de art dat I tashe; and trow un grand lustre, on de talents dat I possede.

Such was the compliment to the Captain himself; though, by the bye, he was but a plain man, and had never been taught to dance.

Monsieur Duperie continuing, turned his attention now to the bog-trotter. Dis Monsieur, said he, appear de best calcule of de vorld for de dance. Sa taille, ver good, his limb promettent, ver much en faveur of his talents futures. His muscle, et son apparance nerveuse, confirm me of his strense in de execution. His eye, be ver good, pour fixet son visavis, his partner. Tout me promet un grand expectation make Monsieur most egal myself in de art of de danse.

As to that, said the Captain, I would not have you too sanguine. You do not take into view the low state in which he is; and what pains will be necessary before you can bring him to that point where you begin with others. So low is my opinion of his present grade, in point of manners, that I had thought of putting him a while under the care of a person skilled in breaking oxen, that he might be taught to move by rule in some rough way at first, before I would trouble you with giving him the nicer precepts that respect the locomotive art.

Tres plaisant Capitaine, ver plaisant, said the dancing master, mais, je me promet dat Monsieur make ver good proficiance, in ver short time.

The Captain now thinking proper to withdraw, left Teague to his lessons.

Monsieur Patrick, said Monsieur Douperie, for understanding that he was an Irishman, and thinking that all Irishmen were named Patrick, he gave him this appellation; Monsieur Patrick, said he, il faut commencer, par les principes; must begin by de principle.

La premiere principe, de first lessong est placer les pieds; place de foot. Voyez; dis foot, cy; comme cela, (showing him how to place his foot) and ce luy, dat foot, la; comme dis foot. (Showing him by his own foot how to place it.) Tournez les pieds; open de foot, quoi! vous ouvrez la bouche; you open de mout, and not de foot. Vous keep vos foot in de same position, et vous baillez: you open de mout. La second principe, is to keep de body droit—trait. Must sit firm sur ses membres, on de limb. Tenez votre body as dis (showing him in what manner to keep his body) assieyez vous, sur vos membres, comme ce la; dis way Monsieur Patrick. Fermez la bouche, shut the mout.

I stop here to observe, that the opening the mouth when an exertion of the mind or body is required, is a habit very common with uninformed men, and not at all peculiar to Teague. You will observe, that men who have not been long, or at least much in the habit of writing, when they put pen to paper, open the mouth, and protrude the tongue, moving it as the pen turns to the right hand or to the left, or draws the stroke long or short; and, you will see a cordwainer of good skill in his trade, from mere habit, and not any defect of art, put out his tongue, and move it as if it could guide his hand when he is paring nicely the margin of the sole of a shoe or boot: Having made this observation in justice to the bog-trotter, I return to my narration.

The Captain coming in at this point of the business, made enquiry of Monsieur Douperie, what success he had with his pupil. Bien tolerable, Monsieur Capitaine, said Monsieur Douperie, ver tolerable: Monsieur es d'une tres bonne natural; ver good disposition. A la commencement il ne faut pas nous flatter, must not flatter, wid de plus haut degre, du success; at de first of de lessong.

The Captain, not so much from the words of the dancing master as from his countenance and the tone of his voice, saw that he was not so sanguine with regard to the proficiency of the bog-trotter as he had been at first: Nevertheless he was not discouraged in suffering Monsieur Douperie to go on with his lessons; because he expected little more, as has been said, than some improvement of step and gait. Nor did he draw any conclusion unfavourable with respect to the attainments of the bog-trotter in a political career; because he well knew that awkwardness of manner is not at all inconsistent with the highest literary and political abilities; and that some of the greatest geniuses that the world has produced have never been able to attain the graces of behaviour. The poet Horace says of Virgil—magnum ingenium sub inculto corpore latet: and the anecdote of Harley, earl of Oxford, is well known; who, when Queen Anne made him lord treasurer, his dancing master expressed his astonishment, and wondered what the Queen could see in him, for he was the greatest dunce he ever had at his school.

With these reflections, withdrawing, he left the Frenchman to go on with his lesson.

La troisieme principe; de tird lessong, said Monsieur Douperie, is to lift de foot; you lift de foot, Monsieur Patrick, le pied droit, de right foot furs—here Teague raised the left. O! mon dieu, said the dancing master, le pied droit, et non pas le guache; de right foot and not de left. Est il possible, you no disting de right foot from de left? Il faut lever le guache: a la bonne heure, you lift de left foot.

Now, Monsieur Patrick, un pas avec le pied guache; lift de left foot. Here Teague lifted the right foot, thinking of the former lesson, and willing to please the dancing master by giving him that foot which had seemed to be so much in request with him. O! mon dieu, par blieu, said Monsieur Douperie, est il possible you no disting de right foot from de left?

It is observable of the French character that while they preserve their temper, they are all complaisance, and have the softest words imaginable; but when they break, it is all at once, and they pass to the opposite extreme of peevishness. It is not altogether owing to an irritability of nerve but to that system of politeness which they cultivate; because when the chord of civility is immoderately stretched by a concealment of the feelings, when it is let go, it flies the farther, and with the quicker vibration, beyond the medium of its tension.

O! mon dieu, par blieu, said the Frenchman; and here he had almost said foutre, which is one of the worst epithets that is given, when great contempt is about to be expressed.

However, composing his temper and resuming his instructions, he continued; now Monsieur Patrick, said he, le pied droit, lift de right foot. Here Teague, as he had not pleased his instructor by what he had done last, viz. lifting the right foot, now lifted the left, being always at cross purposes as it were, or still too far forward or too far back in his motions, to correspond with the directions given.

O! diable, diable, said the Frenchman, raising his voice and almost vociferating, quoi ferai je? il est impossible d'instruire cet garcon: no possible make you understand fat I say, you do. Attendez vous, Monsieur Patrick; you look at me, and lift de fout dat I lift; now I lift de right foot; lift de right foot.

Teague standing opposite the master, and lifting that foot which was on the same side with that of the instructor made the same blunder as before, and lifted the left foot.

Monsieur Duperie enraged beyond all bearing, ran out of the room, and left his scholar for the present.

The day after this Monsieur Duperie, having composed his temper, and attending, the Captain made enquiry, as usual, of the progress of his pupil. The Frenchman endeavouring to put the best face on the matter, said some things of course and complimentary; but could not help intimating that it was une grand difficulty en le commencement, in de beginning, to make Monsieur disting de difference of de right foot and de left.

As to that, said the Captain, it is a national incapacity; for which, as also for their propensity to make what they call bulls, it is difficult to account. There are not a people more brave than the aborigines of Ireland, and are far from being destitute of talents, and yet there is a certain liability to blunders, both in their words and actions, that is singular. Whether it is that a mind strong and vigorous, and of extensive range cannot attend to small things; or that a great flow and hurry of animal spirits, carries them too fast for reflection; or that there is a transposition of the brain, so that things present themselves by contraries to the imagination; I cannot tell: but the fact is so that in their own country, as I have been told, when they are taught to dance, which, by the bye, is a hint which I forgot to give you, they bind on the right and left foot different badges, on the one a twisted wisp of straw, which they call a sugan, and on the other a band of ozier twisted in like manner, which they call a gad: so that when the word is given to raise the one foot and depress the other it is rise upon sugan, and sink upon gad; so, that though the tiro may not all at once, and on the word given, be able to distinguish the right foot from the left, he may easily tell gad from sugan, as his eye can assist his ear in this case, the object being simple; whereas right and left are relative terms, and that which is on the right in one position, will be on the left in the contrary.

Monsieur Duperie was willing to avail himself of this hint, for understanding the bog-trotter was a candidate for state affairs, he was greatly anxious to have the honour of giving him some proficiency. Accordingly, though he did not procure a straw sugan, and an ozier gad, yet he made use of what he thought might be equivalent, viz. a red rag, and a blue; so that instead of bidding him move the right foot or the left, he could desire him to move the red rag or the blue.

Having tied these upon his ancles next morning, he began his lesson. Now, Monsieur Patrick, said he, lift de foot dat hab de red ribbon Teague obeyed with exactness and promptitude, and raised that foot. Now, said Monsieur Duperie, de foot dat hab de blue ribbon.—Teague hit the direction, and raised the foot with the rag upon it.

A la bonne heure, vous y viola, said the dancing master: ver glad Monsieur Patrick you make so good proficiance; en peu de tems, presentera a l'assemble. You danse ver well, short time.

La quatrieme principe, said the dancing master, de fort lessong est former une pas, to made de step. Voyez Monsieur Patrick, fat I do. You make step, ne pas long step, mais van little step. The Irishman attempting to obey the directions and to step, made a stride about an ell in length with his arms stretched out, and gaping at the same time. Foutre, said the dancing master; quoi! Vous baillez; you open de mout yet. Oh, diable! diable! foutre! une bete! But composing himself, he proceeded. Rangez vous a quartier; step to de van side, comme ce la; showing in what manner to step out with one foot at right angles to the other.

The Irishman endeavouring to confine his feet to rule, felt himself as much embarrassed as if chained by the heels; and attempting to make the step as requested, and making the usual exertions, with his eyes staring, his arms stretched, and his mouth open, lost the command of himself on the floor, and being thrown from the line of gravity, was about to fall, when to save himself, he made a catch at the dancing master, and drew him down with him.

The dancing master supposing that he had understood him, though in French, when he used the term foutre, and called him a beast, and resenting this, was about to take vengeance, and having heard of their mode of biting, gouging, &c. in America, was much alarmed, and disposed to throw himself on the generosity of the Irishman, as not being able to contend with him in strength: He exclaimed, O! my lord Patrick, excusez moi, pardon, Monsieur Patrick, je demand pardon. Pauvre diable que je suis. I be van poor diable. Vous ets un honnete homme. Ver good man. Un homme brave, courageux, absolument un homme brave, gallant, tres brave, O! je suis un malheureux, I be van poor diable. Je demand pardon, my lord Patrick.

These were the exclamations of the Frenchman, though at the same time he was uppermost, but entangled by the bog-trotter, who having still a hold of him, was endeavoring to rise, which the other was disposed to prevent, thinking it advisable to retain the advantage he possessed, and to keep him down until he could appease him by his entreaties, or until help should arrive, so continuing his expostulation, he exclaimed, O! my lord Patrick, faites moi, grace. I give you my money. J'ai beaucoup d'argent. I give you an order sur mon intendant de cent Louis; one, two, tree hundred guinea. I forgive de compensation of de lessong.

Teague, in the mean time, having understood that chastisement was usually given at school for inattention or slowness in acquiring the elements, and not understanding broken French, conceived that the dancing master was expressing his resentment, and about to inflict punishment; and therefore endeavoured to excuse himself by a speech on his part. God love your shoul, said he, dont be after bateing me, because I can't walk like a crippled goose, just at once. By Shaint Patrick dis is like stoodying law in de work house, where de first ting is a good bateing; God love your shoul, let me up, and I'll step as strait as a lame shape, or a dog wid his leg broke into de bargain.

By this time, struggling they were both on their feet, the Frenchman, still calling out, voulez vous me tuer; O! ma femme, mes enfans, spare my life my lord Patrick, and the bog-trotter beginning to curse and swear, and to raise the Irish howl.

Being disengaged, the dancing master made his escape, and waiting on the Captain, not wishing to be under the necessity of giving any more lessons, gave him to understand that Monsieur had made ver good proficiance, en ver short time; that he was capable to present himself in public wid all de success possible; that it was not necessary to give him any more lessons.

The Captain did not suppose that the Irishman could have made such advances as the politeness of the Frenchman would lead him to believe, but he concluded he might have acquired what would be sufficient as a foundation for his obtaining some decency, though not elegance in his manner and deportment.

Paying, therefore, Monsieur Duperie the sum he demanded, and thanking him for the pains he had taken, the Frenchman withdrew.

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CHAPTER IV.

HAVING bestowed some pains to cultivate the personal movements of the bog-trotter, it now remained to endeavour to improve his manners. This the Captain undertook himself, and though he had not read Chesterfield, yet he had some common ideas of decency, and delicacy in habits, and behavior. On this point, addressing his pupil, he began.

Teague, said he, you have now got, in literal terms your rough coat off; that is, you have some better dress, than what you used to wear; you have also had some lessons, in what manner to stand, or move your feet, as there may be occasion; it now remains to instruct you with regard to habits of delicacy, in some matters. You must be careful to keep your hands and face clean; pair your nails, and let no black be under them. Wash the inside of your mouth, and brush your teeth; keep a handkerchief, and wipe your nose with this, not with your bare hand; when you cough, spit out, even should there be nothing to spit, lest the imagination of another, may suppose that there is.

In the next place you will be careful to avoid scratching your head, or putting your hand in the waistband of your breeches, or turning your back to the fire, and pulling up your coat behind, which is the way of the vulgar. Put but a small quid of tobacco in your mouth, not swell to the cheeks as if you had robbed a weaver of a ball of yarn, and put it there. Do not spit on a floor, if you must spit. In eating, sit close to the table; do not put your nose too near the plate; put but a little in your mouth at once; do not speak while your mouth is full, or while you chew. If any one speaks to you in this predicament, bow, as much as to say, I will answer you presently: you will avoid picking your teeth with a fork; or sucking your fingers after fish. Drink healths sparingly, if at all. Do not blow in your cup to cool your tea. Keep your infirmities to yourself, and do not complain of pains in the bowels, &c. A gentleman should have no complaints, unless to his physician, of any thing but the gout, or a fever, or the rheumatism. Give no information of a bad digestion, or food being heavy or light to your stomach; of your agreeing with this or that food, but its not agreeing with you, as the vulgar say; that is, as we shall understand you, it gives you the belly-ache. Take care not to value yourself on your eating, as that will show a gross mind; or on your drinking much, as that is but a low ambition. Sing no bawdy songs, especially amongst ladies, such as Brian O'Linn, and Arthur O'Bradley; or that about Tristram Shandy O. For though these were suitable enough to your former station, and such as you have been accustomed to sing among the girls at the taverns, yet they will not pass amongst more refined company. You must get some more fashionable airs, such as the Bird, or Guardian Angels, or the like.

Even at clubs, amongst gentlemen, I would recommend it to you to avoid lewd and indecent songs; especially if they are of the gross and disgusting kind. As you are an Irishman, a verse or two of Lango Lee might be excusable. It is true, that in the higher ranks, among both males and females, the double entendre is sometimes used; but unless it is with great delicacy, and relieved by singular wit, it is not admissible.

There are rules of good manners which you are to observe. Such as when you walk with any person, let them walk next the wall; if you are about to enter a room with another, let him enter first: or if about to sit down, give way to another who is also about to sit down. Decline the higher seat. You must not talk too much; especially about yourself, boasting, as I have heard you do sometimes, of jumping and trotting, and how you could wrestle. I am afraid, Teague, that after all the pains I am taking with you, you will spoil the broth, by some out-breakings of your old tricks and habits, in some way or other. However, since I have suffered myself to be persuaded to try the matter, let it go on, we shall see the issue of it.

These are the outlines of some of the hints upon manners given by the Captain.

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CHAPTER V.

THE BEER HOUSE.

HAVING thus far cultivated the bog-trotter by washing and currying his person, forming his movements, refining his manners, and giving him some ideas of delicacy of behaviour, it now remained to introduce him in a knowledge of politics; and for this purpose, as he could not read the Gazettes, or other publications, it became necessary to give him the opportunity of oral information on political questions: and as attending the debates of congress, and hearing only in the galleries, would not put it in his power to join occasionally in the debates, and exercise himself in speaking; the attending private clubs, or spending evenings occasionally at beer houses, seemed the more eligible means to be adopted. Accordingly, an evening after this, the Captain taking him to a beer house, and occupying a bench, called for a mug of ale, and bade Teague attend to the conversations that were going forward.

The redemption of what are called certificates was at that time the subject of debate. It is well known to the readers of the present day in America, but which perhaps will not be so well understood when this work comes to be read an hundred years hence, that the United States, having incurred debts during the war with Great Britain, and being unable at that time to discharge them, could only give certificates of the respective sums due to the several creditors: these they did give to the soldiers of their army, to those from whom they had purchased articles, or who had rendered any service: The prospect not being immediate of the public being in a condition of taking up these, and the necessity of many of the holders pressing, they had transferred their right in the certificates for a fourth, fifth, or sixth of their nominal value; in some cases, at a much lower rate.—The question was, whether, under these circumstances, the original holder should be bound by the contract, and transferee ought to take the whole sum from the public.

It was stated on one side, that it was the folly of the holder to make the contract. There was no fraud or imposition in the case; what he did was with his eyes open. There was no undue advantage on the part of the purchaser, for he took no more than the place of the holder; and the bargain was fair and equal on both sides. The one had a present certainty which he preferred: the other an uncertainty of a greater sum, of which he chose to run the risk. The purchaser who gave credit to the bills of the states, stood in a better point of view than the holder, who distrusting payment, had parted with them.

On the other side it was contended, that the certificates being only the evidence of the debt, the receiving that was no payment; that real service was rendered, and real payment should be made; that the purchaser discovered a distrust of the credit of the government as well as the holder, in not giving the full value, and therefore stood on no better ground; that from the prevailing ideas under which these contracts were made, the holder did conceive himself parting with these securities at an under value, and the purchaser, as obtaining them at that rate, but neither had an idea that the loss on the one hand, or the advantage on the other, could be so great as on the principle of the provision made for the discharge of the public debt it had come to be; that for these and other reasons measures ought to have been adopted of a discrimination between the original holders and the transferees.

Teague had listened attentively, and, contrary to the injunction of the Captain, with his mouth open. He would willingly have taken a part in the debates, but the Captain, thinking the subject too abstruse to begin with, did not seem to approve of it, and shaking his head, repressed the disposition of the bog-trotter.

The next topic of argument was that of the assumption of the state debts. In order to understand this, we must state, that, in carrying on the war against Great Britain, contracts were made, and debts incurred, on the faith of the confederate states, by their representatives in congress, and this was called the continental debt. At the same time, contracts were made and debts incurred, on the faith of individual states, by their representatives in the state legislature, and this was called the state debt. This whole debt, continental and state, had been thrown into one mass, and the payment assumed by the Congress. The policy of this measure was now canvassed. On the one side it was contended, that as the whole debt, continental or state, was payable by the United States, each state paying the quota apportioned by the resolves of the former congress, and having credit for what state debt contracted on account of the war, was over or beyond this quota, the question was no more than this, whether the ways and means of raising money for the discharge of its proportion of the state debt, should remain with any state, as was before in the case of furnishing its quota; or whether the United States, assuming the debt in the first instance, should take upon themselves to discharge the whole; that it came to the same thing, as the debt was payable by the whole, and the only question was, with whom it should lie to devise ways and means, to discharge it; that the system of finance became more simple, when the United States assumed the whole, and provided for the payment by ways and means of their own at once; that it would contribute to the energy and secure the establishment of the federal government, to have that government the immediate debtor of the whole amount.

To this was answered, that each state was a better judge of the ways and means, within itself, for the raising money to discharge its debt; and while the United States, now having command of the imposts, should necessarily take upon them to collect and provide for the discharge of the continental debt, properly so called; yet it might be left with each state as before, to collect and pay over what is called the state debt; receiving credit from the United States, and having a right to draw from thence, any overplus of that proportion which by the resolves of the former congress they ought to pay of the whole debt.

The Captain thinking this subject also above the comprehension of the Irishman, was not willing that he should speak yet.

The next topic was that of the incorporation of the bank of the United States, some contending that no power was given by the constitution to the general government to incorporate banks; others asserting, though not expressly, yet under the article of paying debts, &c. and making laws necessary for that purpose, it was by implication given.

The Captain thought this also above the reach of Teague, and obliged him to be silent.

The next subject of argument was the policy of the war carrying on against the Indians. By some it was contended that an Indian was a good creature, simple and inoffensive, like a young child; that you might put your finger in his mouth and he would not bite; that by speaking softly and kindly, and giving him victuals and drink, and leggins, and breech-clouts, and blankets, you might do what you please with him; that when you gave him ammunition and fire-arms, he would go out and kill turkies, and shoot down squirrels, and bring you in a deer now and then; and there was no such thing as an Indian stealing a horse, or burning a house, or taking a scalp, unless you had first stolen his horse, or burnt his house, or taken his scalp; that when you made a treaty with these people, they had such a love of justice, such a sense of honour, such a perfect command of themselves, and their young men, that there was no danger of their departing from the treaty.

On the other hand it was advanced, that, as a savage differed little from a beast of prey; a wolf, or a panther of the woods; was rude, his passions violent, attached to no farm, cultivating no art; his only amusement or sense of honour war, or hunting, the image of war; his sense of justice little, his sense of honour none at all; no government in his state of society; no security for individual or national engagements; that fear pervading the mass, by reaching the feelings, and apprehensions of each individual was the only principle by which they could be governed; that instead of giving goods, as heretofore, it became us to retaliate by a heavy war.

Such were the arguments on each side of this question; when the Captain looking at Teague, and observing that he was anxious to advance his opinion, assenting with a bow, or inclination of his head, he seemed to signify that he might speak.

But before we hear him, it will be necessary to observe, that during the preceding arguments, the company had taken notice of him, as he sat beside the Captain with a mug of beer before them; and had wondered in their own minds who he could be; for though he was a little brushed up by this time, as may be supposed, having been at the levee, and taught to dance, and received lessons of delicacy; nevertheless, there was still and uncouthness in his appearance that could not be all at once shaken off.

——"His form had not yet lost
All her original roughness, nor appear'd
Less than a paddy dress'd; and the excess
Of his rusticity remov'd."—

He therefore the more easily engaged attention, when raising his voice, he began as follows:

Plase your anours, said he, I have heard of dese Indians, when I was tratting wid de Captain my master.—I came acrass one o' dem, who affered a hundred dallars for my scoolp; he was going to a traty here abouts. But my good master de Captain took my part, and didn't let him take it aff; de vile savages! O! I have heard of dese Indians, plase your anours, dey come out of de woods, and stale shape, like de rabbers in Ireland, and burn houses, and take scoolps; trade wid dese! I would trate wid dem, wid a good shelelah, or tomahawk to break der heads. Give dem goods! by Shaint Patrick, I would give dem a good bullet hole in deir faces; or shoot dem trough de backside for deir pains. If I was in Cangress, and God love your shouls, I wish you would put me dere, I would make a law to coot dem aff, every one o'dem. O! if my uncle Phelim, and my cousins Dennis and Dermot, and my brother Murtock, and de oder boys was here, we would chase dem, as you would chase one of deir own shape; and keep dem aff de country, and send dem home to ate paratoes. God love your shouls, raise a good party and go out upon dem, and bring dem to de coort, and not let dem be staling shape, and taking scoolps from de poor people.

You tink to plase dem, by spaking good words to dem. Spake a good cudgel upon der heads, and bid dem be asy dear honies, and keep at deir homes, and plant paratoes, and be hang'd in deir own country; plase your anours. Trate wid dem! Trate wid de wolves or de bears, dat roon troo de woods: I would trate wid a good knock in deir troat, and be doon wid dem.

From the manner in which he spoke, of having been in danger of losing his scalp, and the Captain rescuing him, it was understood that he had been in a campaign against the Indians, and his fervour was excused, and thought natural. Those particularly who were for using force against the savages, thought the Irish gentleman had spoken very well.

Encouraged with this success, the bog-trotter was confirmed in his opinion, that he was fit for any political appointment; and the Captain himself, began to entertain better hopes of his advances than he had yet done.

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CHAPTER VI.

THE circumstance of having been at the levee, and having made a speech in the beer-house, which had been much approved, and above all, it being announced that he was a candidate for state employment, had made the bog-trotter a pretty general theme of conversation.—Sundry persons who were expectants upon government, had procured themselves to be introduced to him, as supposing that when in office, by and bye, he might have it in his power to do them service. Even by those that were in government, in the legislative, executive, or diplomatic line he was not neglected. Several members of congress had left cards. Assistants, and deputy assistants in office, foreign consuls, two or three directors and cashiers of banks, had waited upon him and paid him their compliments.

His name became known in the gay world, and by a gradual introduction, he had become acquainted in some of the best families of the city. The ladies in general, were much taken with him. They thought him a plain, frank, blunt spoken Irish gentleman; not harassing them with deep observations, drawn from books, or an ostentation of learning; but always saying something gallant, and complimentary of their persons, or accomplishments; such as, God love your shoul, my dear cratur, but you are de beauty of de world. Sleeping or waking, I could take you to my heart and ate you wid de very love o' d' my shoul dat I have for you. De look o' d' dur face, like de sun or de moon, run trough me, and burn up like a coul o' d' de fire; dat I am shick and fainting to take du to my arms, my dear cratur.

Declarations of this nature, made without any ambiguity, and warm and violent in their nature, had rendered him, as I have said, pretty generally a favourite of the ladies: far, indeed, beyond any thing which the Captain, simple and ignorant of the world, had ever imagined: his astonishment, therefore, was not small, a day or two after this, when walking the street, he saw a carriage pass by, with a gentleman and lady; and, on asking whose carriage that was, and who the gentleman that was in it; for he was struck with some resemblance of the bog-trotter; it was answered, that it was the carriage of Mr. Haberdasher, a merchant of the city, whose lady was taking an airing it would seem with Major O'Regan, a member of Congress, or Ambassador, or something that was just come to town.—Thought the Captain, is it possible! I see that I have been a fool all my life; and through just going out of the world, am but beginning to get experience to live in it. I had been led by his own confidence, and by the opinion of others, though with great doubts, on my part, to suppose it possible that he might have come to be of some respect in government, the discharge of an office, requiring rather solid, than brilliant parts; but that in so short a time, or indeed after any period, he should become a favorite of females of taste and fashion, never entered into my head at all: and forsooth they have given him the appellation of major, though he is about as much a Major as my horse.

Such were the ideas which the circumstance of Teague in a carriage with a fine lady, naturally produced in his mind. Nor indeed should we think them unreasonable, were it not that we know there was nothing extraordinary in the case. For though abstractedly considered, it would seem improbable that the female mind of great delicacy, and refinement, should be captivated by a rough and gross object; yet we know that the fact is in nature, and we must leave it to the philosophers to account for it. Nor will this be any difficult task, when we consider the power of imagination. Here was a new object, unknown, as to its origin, and high, as to its pretensions; and what is novel and not fully comprehended, and lofty in its nature, has a supereminent dominion over the human mind. Hence the proverb, "far fetched, and dear bought, is good for ladies." But on the present occasion, a particular principle operated in favour of the bog-trotter: viz. the taste and fashion of the day. For as in the age of chivalry, a knight was the only object in request; and at the beginning of the revolution in America, a Baron or a Count from France or Germany was the ton, so now, since the adoption of the federal constitution, the appurtenant officers of government are the only characters in vogue. And as in the first instance, mere squires had been taken for knights, and passed very well; and in the second case, tailors and barbers had slurred themselves for gentry or nobility, what could hinder the bog-trotter from availing himself of the whim of the day, and be taken for a person qualified to fill any place in government for the bare pretending to it? And being once taken for such, what prodigy was there in his being in request with the females and all the first families of the city, who might be ambitious and vie with each other in having him married to a niece or a daughter, that so being raised above plebians by the connection they might be considered as of a patrician degree? Let the principle be what it would, whether taste or ambition, the fact was that the bog-trotter was courted and caressed by all the first people: there could be no card party without Major O'Regan. A young lady sitting by a gentleman in any house, and seeing him pass by, would start up, and run to the window and say, Oh! there is Major O'Regan. When he was in company, and would laugh, and put out his tongue, as if he was about to sing Lillibullero, the young ladies would laugh too; not that there was any jest in what he or they said, but just because the Major had laughed. When he would put out his paw to touch the hand of any of them, O la! Major, one would say; O now! Major, another; don't now Major, a third would exclaim, rather to attract his attention, than to repress his advances.

The fact was, there seemed to be a kind of Teague-omania amongst the females, so that all idea of excellence, personal or mental, was centered in him, and all common lovers were neglected or repulsed on his account. A melancholy instance of this kind occurred to the Captain the following day, when walking by the margin of the river on which the city stood, and towards a grove of wood, which skirted it on the south, he observed a man sitting on a tuft of the bank, with his head reclining, in a melancholy position, and looking down upon the wave beneath him, in the manner in which Achilles is described by the poet Homer, as looking on the purple ocean, and complaining to the goddess Thetis of the injury done to him, when the maid Briseis had been taken from his arms by the order of Agamemnon. Sensibly touched with the appearance of woe in any case, the Captain could not avoid advancing, and accosting him: Sir, said he,—but what need I take up the time of the reader with stating particularly the words of the address: it is sufficient to say that, with all necessary delicacy, the Captain gave him to understand that he took part in his misfortune, if there was any upon his mind, and would think himself extremely fortunate, if by language or acts, he could alleviate his griefs.

Sir, said the other, it is impossible. I am an unhappy man, who have been for some months in love with a young lady of this city, and whose affections I had conceived myself to have engaged by the most unremitting attention. I had counted upon her, as my wife, and in all my industry in business, which is that of a merchant, I had my thoughts directed to the provision, I hoped, to have it in my power, to make, in order to support her with dignity and affluence. Yet within these few days, her attention is engaged, and her affections alienated by a certain Major O'Regan that is, or is about to be engaged in some public employment.

Major O'Regan, said the Captain, laughing; is it possible!

Do you know him, said the gentleman?

Know him, said the Captain; he is my bog-trotter; he has been my valet de chambre this three years; and of late my hostler and boot cleaner, in my travels to this city. I believe I could prevail with him for a pair of breeches, or so, to resign his pretensions to the lady.

At this, the eye of the inamorato began to resume its lustre, and the paleness of his countenance to give way to some freshness of complexion. Give me your name, and the name of the lady, said the Captain, and call upon me to-morrow, about nine o'clock, and I will endeavour to make such terms on your behalf with this same Major O'Regan, that he will give you no further trouble, on the score of the lady.

The inamorato expressed his thankfulness with great animation and fervour; and accepted the invitation to wait upon him at the time proposed, informing him, at the same time, that his name was Williams, and that of the lady, was M'Cracken, a daughter of an alderman of the city of that name.

The Captain coming home, addressed the bog-trotter as follows: Major O'Regan, said he, for that, I find is the title which they have given you, there is a young lady of this town of the name of M'Cracken, whom you have by some means engaged to think favourably of you, to the neglect of a former admirer, a Mr. Williams, a merchant, of this city. This gentleman had a claim upon her from a prior attention, and though there is no municipal law that constitutes it a wrong in you to interfere; yet humanity will dictate that it is a wrong. Because it is a small thing to a man whose affections are not engaged, and who has yet wasted no time upon an object, to decline attention to it, or relinquish it. But to him who has set his mind upon this or that lady, it is death to be repulsed, and a man of honor and delicacy of feeling, who sees the advances of another which are well received, will not interfere, even though the object might be agreeable to him. Much less will he amuse himself at the expense of another, by paying attention when it is his own vanity alone that he consults, in showing in what point of view he could stand if he should think proper to persist. I hope better things of you Teague, and that you will conduct yourself on the principles of honour and humanity; you will resign this flirt, for such I deem her, who—he was going to say, who could be tickled with you; but having a point to carry with Teague, he chose to use soft words; who, continued he, could so readily change one lover for another. What security have you for the affections of one of so servile a mind? Mr. Williams is a merchant, and has cloth in his store: he will give you the pattern of a pair of breeches to decline your pretensions, and resign the jade to him who had first cast his eye upon her.

Teague, much more from this last part of the argument, than from the sentiments of delicacy, &c. which were laid down in the first of it, consented to relinquish the dulcinea; and so when Mr. Williams called at the hour proposed, an order for the making of a pair of breeches was given, and the bog-trotter pledged his word, that he neither would laugh, talk, walk, or ogle with her any more.

Shortly after this, while reading a newspaper, the Captain heard two men conversing at the opposite end of the saloon in which they sat, one of them expressing his concern that having a cause to be tried before the court then sitting, his lawyer Mr. Hardicknute could not attend, being indisposed, and as it was alleged, from a disappointment in love, by a Miss Thimbleton, who was of late, as it appeared, taken with a certain Major O'Regan, an Irish gentleman of some note, who had taken notice of her.

Enquiring the residence of the gentleman, and being informed, the Captain ever prompt to do offices of humanity, immediately calling for Teague, who was in the bar-room with the waiter getting him to write a love letter for him, set out on a visit to lawyer Hardicknute, and being admitted to his chamber, where he lay languishing in bed, accosted him, and gave him to understand that he knew the cause of his complaint, not by feeling his pulse as did the physician of Demetrius, who was in love with Stratonice: nor by any power of conjuration; but simply by hearing it from a client who was interested in his recovery; and that in consequence of this information he had come to relieve him, and had brought the identical Major O'Regan along with him, who for half a johannes was ready to resign all pretensions to the lady. This the Captain presumed, from his influence with the Irishman and from his succeeding on the former occasion.

The sick lawyer at this sat up; and having put on his gown and slippers, expressed great thanks to the Captain and the Major, and very readily handed a half johannes from his bureau, and called for pen, ink and paper, for he was not sufficiently restored to go to his office, he signified that it would be proper the Major should give him some instrument of writing as evidence of the contract. It was agreed on the part of the Captain and the bog-trotter; and the lawyer wrote as follows:

"Know all men by these presents, that I Teague O'Regan, Major, am held and firmly bound unto John Hardicknute, in the sum of one hundred pounds, money of the United States, well and truly to be paid to him the said John, his heirs, executors, administrators, or assigns. Given under my hand and seal this second day of June, in the year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and ninety-one.

The condition of the above obligation is such, That if I the said Teague O'Regan, shall withdraw all attention, courtship, or wooing on my behalf from a certain Martha Thimbleton, lady, then the said obligation to be void, otherwise to remain in full force and virtue.

his

TEAGUE ✗ O'REGAN,
mark.

This matter being fully settled, the Captain and the bog-trotter took their leave and departed. On their way home, a man was seen to run across the street, dressed in black, but without hat, coat, or breeches on. The Captain conceived it must be some mad sans culotte, or unbreeched person that had come over from Paris, and was running through the streets here in order to bring about a revolution; but on enquiry, he was informed, that it was the Revd. Mr. M'Whorter, a young clergyman, who had been deranged in his understanding on account of a preference given by Miss Fiddle to a certain Major O'Regan, who had seemed to have engaged her affections; that it was first discovered on the preceding Sunday, when in his prayer, instead of saying "give us this day our daily bread," he repeated, give us this day our daily Miss Fiddle, and instead of saying, "deliver us from evil," as he ought to have done, he said, deliver us from Major O'Regan; that ever since he had been getting worse, and now had thrown off a part of his garments, and exposing himself in public, appeared to be mad altogether.

The Captain thinking on the subject, was about to parody that line of the poet and to say;

Ye Gods what havock does O'Regan make
Amongst your works.——

But repressing all poetical flights, he wished to lose no time, but as speedily as possible to wait upon the unfortunate ecclesiastic, and by easing his mind, remove his derangement. Accordingly pursuing the clergyman, and having had him seized and conveyed to a chamber; he endeavoured to make him sensible that Major O'Regan, the cause of his misfortune, who was there present, was ready to quit claim to Miss Fiddle, and give him no cause of uneasiness any farther. For this, on their way, the bog-trotter, in consideration of an interest in the clergyman's prayers, had promised to do. But poor Mr. M'Whorter was too far gone. He could talk of nothing, but some incoherent jargon consisting of a mixture of scripture and profane language, one while about Miss Fiddle and Major O'Regan; another while of Daniel in the Lion's den, and Jonas in the whale's belly, and the Devil running into swine. He would imagine sometimes that the devil was in himself, and would squeal like a pig.

The matter being thus hopeless, they set off to come home. On their way they fell in with a man who called himself a doctor, and had a blistering plaister in his hand, and a gallipot, and a clyster pipe tyed with a string about his neck, and hanging down his back, and had alarmed two or three ladies just before, offering his services in the way of his profession. On enquiry, it was found, that it was the celebrated doctor Cataplasm that had lost his senses, within three days past, on account of a Major O'Regan, that was likely to carry off Miss Blasm, to whom the doctor had been a suitor for several years, and with whom he had just been on the point of marriage.—Despairing from the late experiment of doing any thing with mad people, the Captain waved any trouble with the doctor, and looking sternly at Teague; this will never do, said he: I cannot reconcile it to myself to be in the most distant way accessary to so much mischief; and as, from a deference to the judgment of others, and to your importunity, I have suffered myself to be the means of introducing you to this sphere, I must take care to repair the injury as far as may be in my power, or at least prevent any increase of it as much as possible. If there is some talismanic charm, I know not what it is, in your person or appearance, that makes you thus formidable to the peace and happiness of others in giving this success amongst the females, and if you have not generosity, or moral sense of duty, to use your advantage consistent with humanity, it is full time you should be checked and drawn from this sphere altogether, and sent to your former bog-trotting, or put into the state if you can get there, that honest men may marry their wenches, whose affections they had previously engaged.

The bog-trotter was somewhat obstreperous; or as the vulgar say, obstrapalous, on the occasion; and seemed to signify that he would not desist; but would pay attention to whom he thought proper.

The Captain saw that it was a difficult matter to lay the devil he had raised, and his hopes rested in this, that he was but the bubble of a day, and that though light-headed young women in the unfortunate cases mentioned, had given him a visible preference, yet it was rather to torture their former lovers, with a view to try the strength of their passion, than with any intention seriously to make choice of him, and finally accept him for a husband. For he could not think it possible that a woman of fashion and education, would ultimately be willing to give her hand to such a raggamuffin. If indeed, he would come to be a judge or a governor, such a thing might take place: but as it was, it seemed to outrage all credibility.

In this he was mistaken; for, but the very next day, he was waited on by Mr. Muchkin, a merchant of the city, who was in the wholesale and retail way as a grocer, and who had an only daughter, Miss Muchkin, to whom the Irishman had made his most serious proposals. It was to her, by the assistance of the waiter, that he had been writing love letters: Mr. Muchkin, a cautious man, before he would give his consent to the match, thought proper to call upon the Captain, whom he understood to be the uncle, or guardian of the young gentleman, with a view of enquiring into his expectations.

Expectations! said the Captain, why just this; that if he should chance to get into office, it is well, and if not, he must return to his bog-trotting. Bog trotting! said the merchant.—Aye, bog trotting, said the Captain; what else would he do? It is but ten days, or thereabouts, since he quitted it; and since, by taking him to levees, and beer-houses, and rubbing and scrubbing him, and teaching him to dance, and giving him lessons of manners, he has been made fit to appear in the gay world. He has but that pair of breeches that you see to his posteriors, and a pattern not made up yet, that merchant Williams gave him; and for my part I have done all for him that I can do. There is just the truth Mr. Muchkin; and if you choose to take him for your son-in-law, you are welcome; but as, thank God, I have preserved a principle of candour and honesty all my life, I will not deceive on this occasion; and if the match should prove unfortunate, you will not have me to blame.

Mr. Muchkin expressed, by the staring of his eyes, his astonishment; and as soon as he could speak, thanked the Captain for his candour: and declared his resolution that if Major O'Regan, as he had the assurance to call himself, should again come to his house, he would turn him out of doors; and that, if his daughter should give him the least countenance for the future, he would disown her entirely. He had taken the greatest pains with her in her education; she had been taught all the polite accomplishments that could become a lady: dancing, music, painting, reading French, the Belles lettres, geography, &c. and if, after all this, she would throw herself away on a raggamuffin, to the discredit of the family, he would no longer take notice of her.

Fair and softly, said the Captain; I have a word of advice to give on the subject. It is true, I have not travelled much through the world: so as to visit France, Italy, Spain, or Portugal: nevertheless, I have some general knowledge of the principles of human nature: not only from books, but from my own observation, of the small circumstances that have fallen in my way, and reflection upon them: and have found, that in the intellectual province, as well as in material works, art accomplishes more than force; nay, as in mechanism, the arch is strengthened by the very weight you put upon it: so, where the imagination is concerned, the attachment is fixed by an opposition to it. Hence it is, that the dissuasion of parents, guardians or friends, is often so ineffectual, with their daughters or wards, in matters of love. It will behoove you on this occasion, in order to accomplish your object, to conceal your knowledge of the circumstances communicated; to allow the bog-trotter free ingress and egress as usual, and to effect to speak of him with respect. Leave it to me to say such things to the young lady, as under pretence of recommending her lover, will be effectual to disgust her, and remove her attachment.

Mr. Muchkin impressed with the sincerity and good sense of the Captain, consented to be guided by him in this business; and accordingly going home was silent to the mother and daughter with respect to the conversation he had with the old gentleman, who was considered the uncle of Teague; and the following day the Captain waited upon the family, and was introduced by Mr. Mutchkin, who, retiring under pretence of business, left him alone with the daughter and mother to make use of the means he had proposed. For Mr. Mutchkin well knew that O'Regan was a great favorite with the mother; and that it would be as difficult to convince her as the daughter, of the imposition in his character. Nay, as she had promoted the match, her pride, unless she herself was the first to detect the imposture, would hinder her from seeing it, or at least acknowledging at all.

Being seated, conversation ensued, and Mrs. Mutchkin paid the Captain many compliments on the fine figure and address of his nephew. Miss Muchkin hung down her head, and blushed, as being in the presence of the uncle of her lover, and hearing the name of Major O'Regan mentioned. Why Madam, said the Captain, I understand that the bog-trotter has been well received in your family. It is true I am not his uncle, nor is he a major; nevertheless, many uncles have had worse nephews, and there are majors that did not perhaps ever see so much service: for I have understood from himself that he was enlisted once when he was drunk, and was a while in the barracks in Dublin, but got off when the matter came to be examined, and it was found that advantage had been taken of him. For the lord lieutenant had given strict orders that, in the enlistments, the utmost fairness should be used; nor, indeed, was it necessary in time of peace to take advantage; because there were men enough to be got voluntarily, and deliberately to enter the service. Nor indeed had Teague himself any objections to be a soldier, but that his constitution had not given him that courage which is necessary to enable a man to face an enemy with fire-arms; he could cudgel at a fair with a batabuy, where he was supported by others that would take the weight of the battle off his hands; but, except to wrestle at cornish-hug, as he calls it, with an hostler now and then, I never knew him fond of any contention whatsoever. I understand that he has been fortunate enough to render himself agreeable to the young lady your daughter, and I congratulate myself on the prospect of having so accomplished a young woman to be the wife of my domestic. I have had him now these three years. I bought him out of a ship of Irish servants. He has been always faithful to me in the offices in which I employed him, such as brushing boots, and rubbing down my horse. It is true, his manners were a little rude at first; but I have taken a good deal of pains to teach him some of the outlines of a decent behaviour, such as to blow his nose with a handkerchief, and keep from breaking wind in company, a practice to which he was a good deal addicted at his first setting out; and though he takes long strides, as you may see, from wearing brogues and bog-trotting; yet, in the course of time, this and other habits may be broke by being in good company. He has made considerable improvement in the short time I have taken pains with him. Though but ten days since he was heaved down, and curried and brushed up for a gentleman, he has learned to chew food without greasing his chin and cheeks. If he should fall into the hands of a lady of taste, as he is like to do, she may improve him still more. It will be of particular advantage to him to get a woman that can write and read; as I understand Miss Muchkin can do very well: for as he can neither read nor write himself, it is necessary that there should be one of a family that can. He has been fortunate at the taverns where we lodged, to get the waiters to write and read billets to ladies; but such cannot be always at hand for these things; but a wife may. It is true his hopes in government are uncertain, as to being an ambassador or consul, but he may get to be a valet-de-chambre to one of these; and though the ambition of Miss Muchkin may not be so much flattered as to be the lady of a minister, yet true happiness is to be found in contentment; and the love she has for his person, may make amends for the want of rank and honour; much more for the want of fortune; for riches are but dross, and the maid of a kitchen may be as happy as the mistress in the parlour. His fortune indeed is not much. He has nothing of his own, but what dress he wears, and a pattern of a pair of breeches not yet made up. My estate is but small, consisting in a farm, and implements of husbandry, with a couple of horses, one of which I have rode from home, while he bog-trotted by my side. Nevertheless, if he marries Miss Muchkin, I will endeavour to do something for him, and for two or three years to come will engage to find him in breeches and waistcoats.

The young lady was confounded, and withdrew. The mother was silent, and with all her heart wished the Captain gone, that she might digest her mortification in private. The Captain saw all this; but, without seeming to see it, preserved a grave countenance, and with some apology of having an engagement, so that he could not have the honour of a longer conversation, he took his leave.

The dialogue that took place after this between the mother and the daughter, may be more easily imagined than expressed. It was concluded that when O'Regan came next to the house, the porter should be ready with a cowskin to give him a suitable reception.

Mr. Muchkin coming in was made acquainted with the discovery of Major O'Regan's history. Affecting to be as much astonished as themselves, he observed, that it would be however proper to dismiss him with civility, as he had been received in the capacity of a suitor. Here Miss Mutchkin again blushed, not as at first, with an affected blush of modesty when Major O'Regan was ever mentioned, but with the blush of confusion and shame. The mother discovering in her countenance all the emotions of wounded pride, and ungovernable resentment, avowed her determination to have him received with a cowskin by the porter. Mr. Muchkin affecting to acquiesce, as these were matters in which he did not wish to concern, did but confirm the resolution.

Accordingly, that evening, when the bog-trotter, being on the point of marriage, as he thought, came to take tea with Miss Muchkin, ringing the bell, and being admitted, a short fellow, an Englishman, who served in the capacity of porter, being prepared with a very heavy cowskin, made an attack upon him. The Irishman exclaimed, and called out for Miss Mutchkin: O! Love your dear ladyship, Miss Mutchkin; by shaint Patrick, by de holy apostles, I shall be kilt and murdered into de bargain! O! I shall be kilt and murdered. God love your shoul stop wid your cow-skin, till I says my prayers; and spare my life; O! I shall be kilt and murdered. O! dis night in de house here. Miss Mutchkin, where is your dear ladyship, to look upon me wid your eyes, and save me from dis bating. O! I am kilt and murdered.

Saying these words, the porter had kicked him out of the house, and shutting the door, left him to his exclamations in the street.

Coming home to the Captain, he made a woeful complaint to the Captain of what had befallen him; which the Captain took care not to alleviate, but increase, alleging, that it must have been some former lover of the lady, who was exasperated at the preference given, and took this method of revenge; that he now saw how dangerous it was to interfere with men of spirit in their courtships, and he ought to be more careful for the future.

————

CHAPTER VII.

CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.

HAVING given the preceding history, and put my name to it, there is no man that knows me will doubt of the truth of it. For I have always considered the first character of an historian to be veracity; and in all my former compositions, have endeavoured to preserve that character. There being, therefore, no doubt of the facts, it will remain only to account for them, and indeed, though we have partly done it already in some observations we have made, yet this, and the like circumstances, which occur every day in life, of Teague O'Regans and bog-trotters, being the favourites of ladies in preference to the most accomplished men, is so contrary to what we would expect, that it may deserve a more minute developement of the causes and principles. In early times, and even yet amongst simple and uninformed people, the effect has been attributed to love potions or witchcraft; that is, either to some drug, or draught affecting the nerves, and deranging the brain; or to some supernatural power operating on the faculties. But exploding these, we shall endeavour to explain the phenomenon upon the common principles of the affections of the heart, and the power of the imagination. But it must be presumed that in general, advantage of person, good sense, and virtue prevail with the females, and where the opposite is the case, it is to be considered as out of the common course of choice. Why it ever should be so, may depend on this, that a Teague O'Regan, having little sensibility of nerve, has all that apathy from nature which the man of address has from habit, and more steadily, because the one is nature, the other art: and coolness in love, is a great secret of success. Sensibility is irritable, unpersevering, desponding, extravagant; and hence it is that no man who is deeply enamoured of a lady, before she has conceived some attachment on her part, has an equal chance to be acceptable. The fond love of a refined mind, produces silliness in proportion to the delicacy of the feelings; and the contrast being more observable, the wise man becomes, or appears to be the greater fool. The Teague O'Regan makes love without any heart at all; he attends upon a lady as he would tread mortar; flatters her as he would speak to a parrot, or stroke a cat, without a single sensation to disturb him. The appearance of security on the part of the lover, gives the lady to suppose that he is conscious of advantages, and of course that there must be such which she does not discover: or conceiving that she has not yet absolutely engaged him, she makes it an object to inspire his attachment, and the very exercise of her own passions, kindles a flame, for hopes and fears are the elements of love. A Teague O'Regan has no sentiment of his own, and therefore he approves all the reason, and laughs at all the wit of the lady; so that putting her in love with herself, she becomes in love with him. A man of sense expresses it: but if contrary to the lady's sense, she thinks it nonsense, and he becomes the Teague O'Regan in her judgment.

Again, a Teague O'Regan is repressed by no sense of honor, or regard to a permanent happiness, from passing himself for what he is not, and practising imposition; talking of his great relations when he has none, and of an estate when the right owner, as the Irish phrase is, keeps him out of it, and provided he can obtain the lady, he never thinks of the catastrophe when the deception is discovered.

A Teague O'Regan is less opposed by his rivals; because no one supposes that he can prevail. He is assisted by the female acquaintance of the lady, because they wish her mortified by making a bad choice. In affairs of love there is no lady has a friend except a father, an uncle, or a brother; not always a mother, seldom a sister, but never any one else. Because the pride of a mother may be hurt by the defect of attention to herself; the jealousy of a sister is roused, even though provided for, lest it should appear she had not married equally well; and therefore the greater fool, the more friends he has with all the world in his advances. But setting all these principles aside, a particular circumstance, as in the case of the bog-trotter, may operate for the season, and make it an object to be addressed by him.

I shall conclude these strictures, by laying down some rules for a prudent father, or guardian, to correct the imagination of a young lady, who appears to be fascinated with a bog-trotter; and in doing this, I conceive I shall render essential service to humanity. It is a painful thing, having accumulated property for the sake of a child, and having taken pains to improve and polish, to have her thrown away upon a beast; for according to the expression of the poet, some men are beasts, compared with others.

Man differs more from man,
Than beast from beast.—Wilmot.

As love then is the offspring of the imagination, reason has nothing to do with it. Ridicule is the only remedy. Never let the Teague O'Regan be opposed, or excluded from the house; but invited, and laughed at; in the mean time giving the lady no reason to suppose that it is suspected she could possibly have any fancy for such a person. The father or guardian may engage some persons of both sexes, in confidence, to join in the ridicule, and relate or invent incidents of his absurdities; for as the bog-trotter is making an attack upon the honour and happiness of the family, it is self-defence, and justifiable to counteract him by stratagem, when open force will not avail. No object that is made ridiculous can appear amiable; and as to what is respectable, we depend much more upon the opinion of others, than our own. If a lover is opposed, the lady attributes it to an old musty taste in the father, or to envy and jealousy in others, and out of pride she will support him; whereas if he is ridiculed, she becomes ashamed of him, and gives him up. I have thought it worth while to give this hint; because the greater part of our romances and comedies in the English language are calculated to depreciate the respect which a young lady ought to have for the opinion of aged and grave persons; and to confirm her in taking the Teague O'Regan of her own choice. For all such are usually represented as old musty curmudgeons, or grannys, whose judgments are not worth regarding, and whose taste, in affairs of love, as in their dress, is antiquated, unfashionable, and absurd; but the adventurers, and fortune hunters, are all possessed of taste, and spirit, and gallantry, and carry off the damsel and make her happy. They stop just at the marriage, and give no view of the disgust, repentance, and unhappiness that ensues.

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CHAPTER VIII.

TAKING advantage of the humiliated state of mind in which the bog-trotter now was, from the late cow-skinning he had received, the Captain thought he could be drawn off from an extreme attention to the ladies, and engaged to apply to the qualifying himself for state affairs. Accordingly, continuing his address to him, he observed that though gallantry and waiting upon ladies, was very agreeable, yet prudence ought to be observed, not to create enemies, by seeming to engross their attention, so as to put a man in danger of duels, and cow-skinnings: at the same time it behooved a man not to suffer his gallantry to interfere with business; and more especially in the early stages when he was about qualifying himself for any occupation or appointment; that, as he (Teague O'Regan) was a candidate for state affairs, he ought to check his career and withdraw himself for some time from the gay circles, in order to acquire some small things which were necessary to the creditable and convenient discharge of a public function; such as learning to write his name if possible. As to learning to read, or write generally, that would be a work of years, if at all acquirable at his period of life; but he might be taught to imitate the few characters that composed his name, in such a manner as to pass for it; so that when he had to sign dispatches or commissions, or the like, he need not be under the necessity of making his mark, like an Indian at a treaty; but might do something that would pass for letters of the alphabet. So providing him with a room, and placing a table before him with an inkstand, and strewing some papers, and furnishing him with spectacles, as if he was already making out dispatches, he began to instruct him in making the letters T, E, A, G, U, E, &c.

But he had scarcely begun, when the waiter coming in, delivered a parcel of cards and billets for Major O'Regan. The Captain instantly reflecting that this correspondence with the gay world would undo all that he was doing, and draw off the bog-trotter from his lessons, as soon as the smart of the cow-skinning had worn off, saw it was necessary to read the billets as from different persons, and containing language different from what was in them. The cards being chiefly from men in public employment, he read as they really were. Opening one of the largest billets, aye, said he, there is more of it. Do you know this Johnston that seems so much enraged about Miss Muslin to whom you have paid some attention? By the bye, it was a billet from Miss Muslin, to whose acquaintance it would seem he had been introduced; but the Captain read Johnston.

By de holy fathers, said Teague, I know no Johnston.

He sends you a challenge, said the Captain, to meet him on the commons this evening at six o'clock, with a brace of pistols and a second to determine whether you or he has the best right to pay attention to this lady. We shall give the billet as written by the lady, and as read by the Captain.

AS WRITTEN BY THE LADY.

Would wish to have the pleasure of Major O'Regan's company this evening at tea. Lawyer Crabtree and doctor Drug will be here; and you know we shall split our sides laughing at the ninnies. You're so full of your jokes that I want you here. Dear Major, don't be engaged, but come.

Yours sincerely,

PATTY MUSLIN

Wednesday morning.

AS READ BY THE CAPTAIN.

SIR,

You will instantly do one of two things, either relinquish your attention to Miss Muslin, and be no more in her company; or meet me this evening precisely at six o'clock, on the commons back of the Potter's-field, with a brace of pistols and a second, to take a shot. I shall have a coffin ready, and a grave dug, for which ever of us shall have occasion to make use of it.

Your humble servant,

BENJAMIN JOHNSTON

Major Teague O'Regan.

In the same manner, he read the other billets, converting them from love letters into challenges to fight with mortal weapons, or into declarations of cudgelling, and cow-skinning if he interfered any farther in his attentions to such and such ladies.

The bog-trotter began to think the devil was broke loose upon him, and very readily gave the Captain leave to write answers, declining all combats, and declaring his compliance with all that was requested of him.

The waiter was the only person, who, by receiving the billets, and handing them in the absence of the Captain, and reading them to Teague, might inflame his mind with thoughts of the fine ladies, and gay circles, from which he seemed to be just recovered: taking him aside, therefore, and accosting him, Matthew said he, for that was the name of the waiter, I do not know that I ought to find any fault with your giving your service for some time past to my Teague, in reading the billets directed to him, and in writing his answers; but I desire that there may be nothing more of this. As he is about to be closely engaged for some time to come, in acquiring some scholarship, and preparing to enter on some state appointment, I do not chuse that his mind should be taken off by affairs of compliment or love. All billets therefore directed to him, you will for the future hand to me.

The waiter promised compliance, and said it was all the same thing to him, as all he had done, was to oblige the bog-trotter, and if it was disagreeable to him (the Captain) he should do no more of it.

However, Teague continuing still to have some hankering after the company of the ladies, so as not to have his mind so much upon learning to write the characters of his name as the Captain could have wished, he found it necessary to engage the bar-keeper to assist him in personating now and then, some one who had come to demand satisfaction for the interference of the bog-trotter in affairs of love, that by keeping up the alarm on his mind, he might the better confine him to his studies.—According to the plan agreed upon, the bar-keeper knocking at the door, and the Captain opening it a little, and demanding his business; is there not a Major O'Regan here he would say (with a counterfeited voice) who has pretensions to Miss Nubbin? (one of those who had sent billets) I wish to see the gentleman, and try if I can put this sword in his body; (by the bye he had a long sword.) God love your shoul, would O'Regan say, dear Captain don't let him in. I shall die wid fear upon de spot here; for I never fought a man in cold blood in my life.—Here the bar-keeper as recognizing the voice of O'Regan—yes, would he say, I find he is here, let me in, that I may put this through him; I had paid my addresses to Miss Nubbin, and was just about to espouse her, when unlike a gentleman, he has interfered and turned her head with his attention. By the New Jerusalem I shall be through his wind pipe in a second. Teague hearing this and raising the Irish howl, would redouble his entreaties to the Captain not to let him in. The Captain would say, Sir if you mean to make a pass at him you must make it through me; for I shall not stand to see a domestic run through the body, and his guts out while mine are in.—You may therefore desist, or I shall have you taken into custody as a breaker of the peace. With this he would shut the door, and the bar-keeper would go off cursing and swearing that he would have revenge for the insult that had been offered him, by the Irishman.

By these artifices, certainly innocent as the object was good; for it can be no injury to deceive a man to his own advantage; by these artifices the Captain succeeded in preventing a correspondence with the gay world, and detaching the mind of his pupil from the gallantries of love. But when any member of congress or officer of state called upon him he was admitted. Traddle called frequently, and declared that he had no resentment on account of Teague's proposing to be his competitor, at the election in the country; but wished him success in obtaining some appointment where his talents might be useful.

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CHAPTER IX.

NOTWITHSTANDING the fairy scene of imagination with respect to the advancement of Teague, in which the Captain had suffered himself to be engaged; yet sometimes he would begin to doubt with regard to the reality of the prospects, and to question whether, after all, it was probable that the executive of the U. States would think him adequate to the discharge of judicial or ministerial functions, and appoint him accordingly. Ruminating one day on this subject, a servant presented a billet: It was from the President of the United States, expressing a desire to see the Captain, and to converse with him relative to the appointment of the young man in his service, of the name of Teague O'Regan, to some office in the government. Nothing could be more opportune: for the Captain at that moment, weary of his charge, and despairing of success, was just about to relinquish all further prosecution of his object; and to remand Teague to his boot-cleaning and horse currying as formerly. It may easily be supposed that he lost no time in having his coat and hat brushed, and setting out to wait on his excellency. Presenting himself, he was asked to sit down: and the conversation opening on the subject of Teague, and his qualifications for office. The Captain not willing to be the means of deception in the introduction of his valet, thought proper to deal candidly with his excellency, and to give him an exact account of the education and history of the bog-trotter; that if, on a full view of his character, he should think proper to appoint him, the responsibility might lie with himself. For to be candid, said the Captain, I should doubt the expediency of appointing him, in the first instance, to any of the higher offices of government. Such as secretary of state, or even that of secretary at war: though, I presume, requiring less talents than the former: The business of a soldier lying more in the heart than the head. As to secretary of the treasury, I should bar that altogether; as it might be unsafe all at once to trust him with much money, until he had given greater proofs of fidelity in this particular, than those of his rank are usually found to possess. The diplomatic line might suit him best, were it not that the sending him off the continent will put him out of the way of that superintendance which for some time I myself am willing to take of him, until he shall have acquired habits of diligence, and principles of integrity in business. The president smiled, doubtless at the idea of the sans culotte (for such I figuratively call him, because he had now got on breeches,) being at all in the way of appointment to such trusts; for a thought of the kind had never come into his mind. He was thinking of an office of much less dignity, and which came nearer to the capacity and grade of ordinary education. It was that of an excise officer. Having mentioned this, the Captain approved of it, and thanked his excellency, and took his leave.

Teague having received his commission, was elated beyond measure, and impatient to set out to his district, in order to enter on the functions of his office. The Captain having purchased him a horse, for he refused to bog-trot any longer, the revenue officer took leave of his old master, who had previously given him much good advice with regard to duty in office, and promised to follow him, as soon as he could provide himself with another servant, that he might be on the spot to give him countenance, and assist him occasionally, with such farther lessons of prudence and morality, as his experience in life might enable him to give, and which it could not be unbecoming in one of his age, however dignified by office, to receive.

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CHAPTER X.

TEAGUE having thus departed, it became the Captain to look out for another servant; and deliberating on this subject, Mr. M'Donald, the Scotch gentleman, of whom we have before spoken, happening to enter, the Captain explained to him the circumstance, and made enquiries with regard to his knowledge of any one that chose to be employed in this way, and might be fit for the service. Said Mr. M'Donald, I ken a lad right weel of the name o' Duncan Ferguson, frae about Perth in Scotland, that is trusty and vera fit to wait upon a gentleman, except it be that he may gie ye o'er muckle trouble about religion, having had a vera strict education i' the presbytery; gin ye can put up wie that, I sal warrant him honest, and vera faithful to his master, and that he will take guid care of your horse. He is about thirty years of age, and has been a guid deal in service, and knows what it is to wait on guid houses in his ain kintra; I dinna ken how he may suit all places in these parts; but wie a man o' your judgment, I think he may do vera weel.

The Captain thanked him for the information; and having conceived a good opinion of Mr. M'Donald's integrity and sense, he was willing to take the young man upon the recommendation he had given.

Accordingly, being sent for by Mr. M'Donald, the North Briton came, and presented himself to the Captain. The wages of his services being agreed upon, he entered on his functions the same day; and in a short time the Captain having paid his bills in the city, set out with Duncan on the same route with Teague.

Duncan, in like manner with Teague, had to walk on foot, for the Captain could not afford to purchase another horse, more especially as he had considerably exhausted his finances by the late equipment of Teague. But even could he have made it convenient to have increased his cavalry, the expences of travelling would have been increased, which he could not also well afford; or which it would not have been within the limits of a strict economy to have incurred. For travelling slowly, the servant could without weariness equal the pace of his master on horseback. Besides, it gave diversity, and had more the air of ancient custom, than being both mounted. It was in this manner the Gauls, who fought with Cæsar, equipped their dragoons, as we learn from the Commentaries; and also the Numidian horse under Jugurtha, as we learn from Sallust, had each a foot-man by his side, who sometimes assisted himself by the mane of the quadruped in running; but was at all times considered as attached to the rider, and ready to subserve him in battle. The Scotchman, moreover, had but a light luggage to carry: being nothing more than a couple of shirts, a pair of stockings, a Kilmarnock cap, a Confession of Faith, Satan's invisible kingdom discovered, and Crookshank's history of the Covenanters.

It was upon the topic of religion that the conversation first turned, Duncan asking the Captain of what denomination he was? I am denominated Captain, said he; though I have had other epithets occasionally given me by the people amongst whom I have happened to sojourn, especially since my last setting out on my travels, after the manner of ancient chevaliers. I have been called the modern Don Quixotte, on account of the eccentricity of my rambles, or the singularity which they conceive themselves to discover in my conversation and manner. I have been called the Knight of the single Horse, having but one myself, and none for my attendant; in this particular unlike my predecessors, whose squires were mounted as well as themselves. In some places I have taken my designation from the Irish valet that I had, and of whom you have heard me speak, of the name of Teague, and have been called the Owner of the redheaded Bog-trotter; as it is probable I may now be designated occasionally by the appellation of the master of the raw Scotchman, by those who may be able by your dialect to distinguish your origin. But all these things I look upon as inconsiderable. It is of little, or perhaps of no consequence to me, what my designation is among men, provided it contains nothing in it that may impeach my moral character, and may seem to have been drawn from some bad quality or vicious habit of the intellect. They may call me Don Quixotte, or Hudibras, or the Knight of Blue Beard, or the Long Nose, or what they please: it is all the same to me; and gives no affront, unless containing a reflection on my integrity.

Captain, said Duncan, it canna be, but ye ken right weel what I mean. It is na the denomination o' your temporal capacity that I wad be at; but o' your religion, and to what persuasion ye belong; whether o' the Covenant, or o' the Seceders, or the High Kirk o' Scotland.

Duncan, said the Captain, I am not such an adept in faith, as to be acquainted with these nice distinctions. I have some knowledge of the Christian religion in general; but not of those more minute subdivisions of which it is probable you speak.—For I have understood that Christianity is the national religion in Scotland, and I presume what you call Covenanters, and Seceders, are sections from the general establishment, and subordinate to the worship of the kingdom. It has not come in my way, nor have I much ambition to be more particularly acquainted. There is a degree of information on most subjects which it becomes a gentleman to have; but the going beyond this may savour of pedantry, and argue the having spent more time in trifles, than bespeaks strength of mind and elevated talents. Just as we respect the naturalist who amuses us with the philosophy of great objects; but smile at him whose life is occupied in catching butterflies, or gathering petrified shell-fish. Or to give a simile that conveys my meaning better; skill in language, either to write or speak, is a noble attainment; but this consists more in the leading beauties, than in the criticisms of a mere grammarian, which show the mind to have been wholly or chiefly taken up with these: To use the words of the poet,

Word catchers that live on syllables;
Commas and points they set exactly right,
And 'twere a sin, to rob them of their might.

The most liberal studies may be pursued to an illiberal excess; as for instance in music, where it must be considered as an elegant accomplishment to have some talents; yet not to have made such proficiency in the execution, as to induce a suspicion of attention to this art, to the neglect of others. I have taken care to acquire a general knowledge of the surface of this earth, from the maps; yet have not made myself master of the situation of every slough or bog that may be found in your country, or exact bearing of hill or mountain there. In the same manner, I may know that you are christians in that island, but nothing more.

What, man! said Duncan, ha' ye never heard o' the Solemn League and Covenant? I have heard, said the Captain, of many leagues and covenants. In the time of Henry IV. in France there was called the League. The family of Guise was at the head of this, and opposed to the Protestants. It is probably a branch of this that has come over to Scotland, and kept up the name, after having been broken by that heroic prince, and afterwards taken away altogether by his conversion to the mother church, and peaceable possession of the kingdom.

By that, ye wad mak out the Covenanters to be a relict of Popery, said Duncan. I ken ye right weel, Captain: ye canna be sae ignorant as not to know that the Covenanters are the very reverse o' popery. Did ye never read Crookshanks? Did ye never hear o' the persecution?

I have heard of the ten persecutions under the Roman emperors, said the Captain.

Under ten deevils, said Duncan. I am speaking o' the persecutions in Scotland, when the ministers were hanged at Ayr.

The Captain saw that his valet was beginning to be warm on the score of religion; and that it would be difficult to continue the conversation in any shape without giving him offence. He was therefore disposed to address his pride, and please him by an acknowledgment of ignorance; at the same time proposing a readiness to be instructed in the peculiar tenets of the faith of the Covenanters.

Duncan, said he, you are under a mistake as to the opportunities of education in this country. It is not as in Scotland, where the Christian religion has been planted above a thousand years, and the reformed church established a century or two; where clergymen are numerous, and religious books plenty.—

Aye, said Duncan, where ye have preaching amaist every day o' the week, and twice on the Sabbath. Ye canna set your face any way, but ye hae a kirk before you. Cathechising o' the children begins almost as soon as they are born; and examining the grown people, in visits at the house, wie a strict discipline that calls to the session for things that scandalize the morals. Ye sal find many guid bukes there published by the Erskines, and the Gillisses. Did ye e'er read Peden's Prophecies?

I have read nothing of this kind, said the Captain; for I was observing to you, that in America we have not these opportunities. For my own part, I have lived a good deal in the route of clerical functionaries, where they have passed and repassed, and have heard their sermons, and conversed with them; and though they have been distinguished amongst themselves as orthodox, or heterodox; or under several names, or by various particulars of doctrine; yet the differences appeared to me so minute, that I never thought it worth while to trace them; and they made themselves acceptable to me, less or more, by the greater harmony of voice, or elegance of language, or gesture; or by the justness of their observations on the obligations of morality among men, and the good consequences to society and to the individual.

Have ye read Willison on the Cathechism, or Halyburton, or Boston's Fourfold State, or Durham on the Revelation? said Duncan.

Nothing of all these, said the Captain.

Said Duncan, I hae got the Confession o' Faith in my wallet here; I wad lend it to you to get a piece o' it by heart, if ye wad promise to tak guid care o' the buke.

My memory is not good, said the Captain, especially in that artificial exercise of it which consists in committing abstract ideas. What touches my affections, I remember without trouble, and sentiments which are obvious and natural; and I should think the early mind would be better occupied in reading some instructive fables, than in committing those dogmas of divinity, that are unintelligible to any but theologists themselves; nay not even by them incontrovertibly; for otherwise how should they differ so much in their illustrations of them? However, I have no inclination to be led into a debate with you, Duncan, on a subject where you are so much my superior. But you will excuse me as to committing the Confession of Faith to memory; at my age it is painful to apply to a thing as to a task.

Duncan acknowledged the truth of this, and was disposed to excuse him; but recommended him to read the sermons of the reverend John Dick, and Saunders M'Alpin.

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CHAPTER XI.

HAVING travelled this day without any remarkable occurrence, and putting up at an inn in the evening, Duncan had taken care of the horse, in having him well rubbed down, and having seen his oats given him, and the rack well filled with hay. A gentleman had also that evening put up at the inn, and whose servant had been engaged at the same time with Duncan in taking care of his respective master's horse. This valet, whether from reading Thomas Paine's Age of Reason, which had been published about this time, or to the sceptical conversation of some one in his way, was far from being orthodox in his notions of religion; or rather was sceptical with regard to religion altogether: and had not been accustomed to the strictest propriety in the choice of his expressions; which became apparent, in a short time, from his use of suppletives that are common with profane men, when they would enforce what they have asserted; or when prompted by passion, they are carried beyond the bounds of decorum, in imprecations on themselves or the incidental cause of their injury. Whether the horse had not maintained a proper position in currying him, or that the valet thought he did not, is uncertain; but so it was, that in the course of his labour, he broke out into occasional sallies of ill humour; or perhaps, from mere habit, and without any cause at all, he began to damn the soul of the beast. Duncan could not avoid taking notice of it, and reprimanding him for his profanity. The other gave him no other thanks than to damn his soul also; which language began to raise the blood of Duncan; but he repressed his resentment for the present, and was silent until they both came to sit down to supper in the kitchen of the public house, the gentlemen having already supped, when Roderick, for that was the name of the valet, began to eat, not having first said grace. At this Duncan losing all patience, broke out upon him, Sirrah, said he, I could make an excuse for damning the soul o' your beast; because I dinna believe he has a soul, and in that case ye were doing nothing mare than making use o' a bad expression; but ha' ye na mare decency, than to fall to your meat without asking a blessing on what is set before you: more than your horse i' the stable, when he falls to his oats? what could ye expect frae a dumb beast? but with ane o' the shape o' a christian creature, it savours o' infidelity. Ha' ye na sense, o' religion? Did ye never see the Confession o' Faith; or the larger or shorter Catechism? Are ye na afraid, the devil will get power o'er ye, and mak ye hang yoursel?

The devil, said Roderick! I am not afraid of the devil; I could kick him, and cuff him, and play hell with him like a football.

Guid deliver us! what blasphemy, said Duncan; I am afraid young man, ye may get a trial o't, you'll see then wha o' ye will be uppermost. I'll lay my lug for it, ye dinna stand him twa shakes, for a' sae stout as ye are. Ye had better seek the Lord, and be out o' the reach o' Satan.

I never saw any greater devil than myself, said Roderick; nor do I believe there is any, I wish I saw this satan of yours, I would take a knock with him; I would bite and gouge him, and——

This he said jumping to his feet, stretching out his hands towards Duncan, and grinning at the same time.

Duncan could sustain it no longer; but making his escape from the kitchen, ran to the chamber where the Captain was with the gentleman, taking a glass after supper. Exclaiming with great vehemence, he gave him to understand that the muckle deel himsel was in the house below stairs. I did na just see his horns and his cloven foot, said he; but I ken him right weel by his way o' talking: when he was i' the stable wie the gentleman's horse, rubbing him down, he cursed and swear'd like a devil; and when he came to sipper, he could na bide the blessing, but when I spake o' grace, he brake out into profane language; and at last fairly acknowledged that he was the deel himsel. Guid guide us, that we should hae the devil amang us! I wad na be astonished, if he has the kitchen aff in a flame of fire before we gae to bed yet. I hae Satan's Invisible Kingdom Discovered wie me in my bags. It gies great account o' these things. The like happened at Drumalawrig ance before; and the guid folk had a great deal o' wark to get the muckle thief out o' their sight again.

The Captain and gentleman were at a loss to understand this rhapsody; and could only in general collect from it, that he conceived himself to have seen the devil. Where is the devil? said the Captain. Can you show him to us, Duncan? I can soon do that, said Duncan. I left him i' the kitchen at his meat; but I trow he does not eat muckle. It is a' a pretence to pass for ane o' us. But gin ye sing a psalm, or pronounce a verse o' the Bible, or gae about prayer, I sall warrant ye sall soon see him in his proper figure, wi' his horns and his cloven foot, grinning at ye, just as he had come out o' hell about an hour ago.

Let us see him, Duncan, said the Captain, and examine into these circumstances.

The Captain and the gentleman had supposed that some wag amongst the servants of the public house, had been attempting to amuse himself with the credulity of Duncan, having discovered him to be of a superstitious cast of mind; and that with some kind of vizor to the face, and uncouth dress to the person, he had assumed a frightful form, and imposed upon him the idea of a demon. Under this impression they went forward, Duncan with fear and trembling, lurking behind, and eyeing carefully the scene as they approached. Entering the kitchen, Duncan started, and exclaimed, The Lord deliver us! There he is, eating at his meat, as if he was a creature above ground, though ye may all see that he has the physiognomy of Beelzebub. Of whom do you speak, said the Captain? Of that muckle chiel there, said Duncan, i'the blue jacket, and the lang breeks;—[it was a pair of overalls];—that satan luking fellow, continued he, wha puts the bread in his mouth, and sits wi' his backside on a stool, as if he were ane o' oursels; and had na been i'the bottomless pit these twal months. But gin ye speak til him, I sall warrant ye sall soon hear him talk the dialect o' hell, and curse and swear like a fiend, and grin like the deel himsel; and show his cloven foot very soon, tak my word for't.

Why that is my servant, said the gentleman.

Ay, ay, said Duncan, I dinna doubt that; he may hae passed himsel for your servant: But that does na hinder him to be the deel. Dinna ye hear what the apostle says, "He can transform himself into an angel of light." It canna be a great trouble, then to take the shape o' a waiting man, and sit before a pair o' saddle-bags. If ye read Satan's Invisible Kingdom Discovered, which I hae in my portmantles, ye sall find that the devil can make himself a minister, and gae into the pulpit, and conduct himsel very weel, aye, 'till it come to the prayer, and then aff he gaes through the window, or takes the gavel o' the house wie him. It happened once in Linlithgo, that he tuke the shape o' a guid auld man, the reverend doctor Bunnetin, and undertook to preach the action sermon at a sacrament; but gaid awa in a flight o' fire just as he came to gie out the text. A sirrah, said he, addressing himself to Roderick, are ye there yet? I ken ye weel enough, auld Reeky. Gae back to Scotland, and take the shape o' muckle dogs there, whare there are guid folks that dinna fear ye; and no come o'er the burn till America, where the gospel is na yet planted, and there is na need for ye.

What have you been doing to this man, said the gentleman to Roderick, that he has conceived you to be the devil?

Nothing more said the valet, than that when we sat down to eat, he insisted on saying prayers first, and talked like a fool about religion. I was hungry, and did not like to wait for prayers. He talked about the deel. I told him I was the devil myself. He took me to be in earnest, I supposed; that is all.

Aye, and ye are the deel, said Duncan. Put out your foot here, and let us see if it hae a cloven place i' the middle o't, or be like a Christian's foot; or try if ye can stand till I say the Lord's prayer—though I wad na wish to say it, as I dinna ken but you wad tak the man's house wi ye, and leave the Captain and this gentleman without a chamber to gae to bed in.

Psha, Duncan, said the Captain; how can such ideas come to your brain? I see nothing but the gentleman's servant. It is the prejudice of your education, to suppose that the devil can take the shape of men, or tangible substance; at least that he can eat food, and converse with a human voice. You will come by and by to have a better sense of things. In the mean time we must excuse your reveries, as you are but a late emigrant. This valet may be indiscreet, or as you would say, profane, in his expressions; a thing of which I will venture to say this gentleman, whose waiting man he is, does by no means approve. Nevertheless, I cannot think he is Apolyon, or Belzebub, or Satan, or the great arch devil of the infernal regions. I do not even believe that he is one of your inferior devils, that has assumed the shape and function of a valet, and has sat down here to eat his supper in the kitchen.

I am not one of those, said the gentleman, that approve of profane language, or the undervaluing the religious ceremonies, of a conscientious, though weak man; but it would appear to me that this is but an affair of humour on the part of my valet, who by the bye is but hired with me as a waiting man, and I have no controul over him, farther than to dismiss him for improper conduct. He is a merry fellow: but I have always found him faithful, and of good temper; so that I will venture to say, that if Duncan, for that I understand is the name of this North Briton, will take supper, and go to bed with him, he will receive no injury whatever.

I wad na take the whole town o' Perth, to sit down wie him, said Duncan; nor a' the kingdom o' Scotland to sleep wie him ae night. I should expect nothing else but to be i' the lake o' brimstone before the morning.

I will be damn'd, said Roderick, if I do you any damage. I am no devil more than yourself. It was to get quit of your long prayers before victuals, that led me to talk as I have done.

Do you hear him, said Duncan, would any body but the deel acknowledge himself willing to be damn'd, or talk about it in sae light a manner? He confirms by ae breath, what he denies by the other. He is the deel, as sure as ever Mitchel Scot was in Scotland, or if he is na the deel; he is as bad as the deel, and it gaes against the grain wi' me to hae ony communication wi' him. Let him gae to hell for me by mysel. He sall nae hae my company. I wad na trust but that he wad hae an hundred witches here about the house, before the morning, and put every one o' us on a broomstick to ride along wi' him taking the taps aff the trees, and dinging doon houses, as he gaes along; the auld women turning themselves into cats, as they like, or taking the shapes o' hares, or soomin o'er rivers in their egg-shells.

The Captain finding that it was in vain to attempt by direct means to overcome the force of prejudice, changed his language, and affected to suppose that the valet might be the devil, and proposed to examine the extremity of both limbs, to see whether he had a cloven foot. The valet submitting to the jest, agreed to be examined. His boots and stockings therefore being stripped off, his feet were examined, and no fissure appeared more than in a common foot. Now, said the Captain, if he can stand the recital of a prayer, will you not acknowledge that he may be a human person? Ay, if 'twere a minister, said Duncan; but I dinna ken, if the prayer o' a layman, can affect him much. But it does na matter muckle, whether he is the devil or not; he is amaist as bad as the devil, as you may distinguish by his conversation, and I dinna care to ha muckle more to do wie him

That is, devil or no devil, said the Captain, you will neither eat nor sleep with him.

Just the short and the long o' it, said Duncan. I will take a bit o' bread and beef in my hand, and creep into some nuke by mysel, if it should be i' the stable with the horses, rather than wie this wicked creature, that if he is not Satan, has a great resemblance o' him.

With this, the Captain and the gentleman, left them to themselves, and returned to the chamber.

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CHAPTER XII.

IN the morning it appeared that Duncan had sat up the greater part of the night, with a candle burning by him in the kitchen, until near day-light; when overcome with sleep he had reclined upon a bench, until the gentleman and his valet had departed, and the Captain had got up, which was about an hour after sunrise. Having breakfasted, which was about nine o'clock, they set out upon their travels, conversing as they went along upon subjects that occurred. The first topic was a comparison of Scotland with this country; in what particulars each had the advantage of the other. Duncan gave a decided preference in all things to the trans-atlantic region; and found nothing on this continent that could encounter the smallest competition.

I should presume, said the Captain, we have more timber in this country than in yours. You may have more, but not half sae guid, said Duncan. Our fir, is far better than the oak that ye find here.

I will allow you the advantage in one particular, said the Captain; you are more closely settled, and the soil of course must be under a more general cultivation. Aye, but that is nathing, said Duncan, it is settled wi' a better stock o' people; and we hae dukes and lairds amang us; no as it is here, where ye may gae a day's journey, and no hear of a piper at a great house, or see a castle; but a' the folks, and their habitations, luking just for a' the warld like our cotters in Scotland. But, said the Captain, what do you think of the works of nature here, the sun and moon for instance? The sun is a very guid sun, said Duncan; but he has o'er muckle heat in the middle o' the day. I wad like him better if he wad draw in a little o' it at this season, and let it out i'the winter, when we shall hae more need o' it. But as to the moon, Duncan, said the Captain, you have seen it since you came in; do you think it as large as the moon in Scotland? I dinna ken quoth Duncan, but it is amaist as large; but it changes far aftener, and it is no se lang at the full as it is in our kintry. But what think you of the stars, Duncan? You have taken notice of them, I presume, in this hemisphere. The stars dinna differ muckle frae the stars at hame, quoth Duncan; save that there are not sae many o' them. Wi' us, the firmament is a' clad wi' them, like brass buttons; they light it up just like candles. But here they luke blaite, and hae a watery appearance in the night, as if they had got the fever and ague o' the climate, and were sickly, and had na strength to put forth their fire. I tell you, Captain, there is nothing here equal to what it is in Scotland. How could you expect it; this is but a young kintra. It will be a lang time before it comes to sik perfection as wi' us; and I dinna ken if it ever does.

How comes it to pass, Duncan, said the Captain that the devil chuses the women of your country, in preference to any other, to make witches of? For it would seem to be the case; as I have heard more of Scotch witches, than of English or American.

I can gie ye a good reason for that, said Duncan. The deel kens weel enough where to find out the best materials. The English women are no worth making witches o'; they could do him little guid when he had them. Ane Scotch witch is worth a dozen English or American. They can loup farther, and sink a ship in half the time.

The Captain having made this experiment of the national partiality of Duncan, was satisfied; and turned the conversation to another subject.

I shall not stop to record the minute incidents that took place in the course of this day's travel; or that of the two following days; or relate the particulars of the conversation of the Captain with Duncan, or of Duncan with any other person. What I have related was chiefly with a view to give some idea of the new valet's character and manners.

I think it was the fourth day after leaving the city, that the Captain casting up his eyes at a place where there was a considerable length of straight road before him, saw a person trudging on foot, who by his make and gait, appeared to him to resemble the new revenue officer, the quondam bog-trotter. Duncan, said the Captain, if that man was not on foot, that is before us, I should take him for Teague O'Regan, the waiting man that was in my service, and who gave place to you: having obtained a commission in the revenue, and become an excise officer. But as I had equipped him with a horse, it is not probable that he could be without one already, and have taken to his trotters, after being advanced to be a limb of the government. It would be a degradation to the dignity of office.

I dinna think, quoth Duncan, there is muckle dignity in the office. What is he but a gauger? that is o' na more estimation in our kintra than a hangman. There is na ane that can live in an honest way without it, will take the commission.

Duncan, said the Captain, it is not so in this country, where the government is a republic; and all taxes being laid by the people, the collection of every species is a sacred duty, and equally honorable.

Honor! quoth Duncan. Do you talk of honor in a gauger? If that be the way of thinking in this kintra, I wish I were back in Scotland. Every thing seems to be orsa versa here; the wrang side uppermost. I am but a simple waiting man to a gentleman like yoursel, and I wad na take the office o' gauger upon me, for a' Philadelphia, which is amaist as big as Perth.

By this time they were within a small distance of the traveller, whom the Captain reconnoitering more perfectly, discovered absolutely to be Teague. The revenue officer, turning round, he recognized the Captain, and accosted him: By my shoul, and there he is his honor himself; de Captain and a new sharvant dat he has trotting on foot, as I myself used to do.—And as you seem to do yet, said the Captain. What is become of the horse I furnished you? Has he been stolen, or has he strayed away from some pasture in the course of your progress?

By my shoul, said the officer, neither de one nor de oder of dese happened; but I met wid a good affer on de road, and I took it. I swaped him for a watch dat I have in my pocket here. Bless de sweet little shoul of it: It tells de hour of de day, and what time of de clock it is, slaping or waking; and in de night time you have but just to look at de face of it; and de sweet pretty figures dat are dere, and you will know how long it is before de morning come. Not like da dumb baste, that could not answer you a word in de night nor in the day; but hold his tongue like a shape, and say nothing; while dis little watch, as day call it, can spake like a Christian cratur, and keep company along de road like a living person. It was for dat reason dat I took it from a countryman dat I met wid last night at the tavern; and am now going on by myself, and have no horse to take care of, and plague me on de road, and give me falls over his tail, and over his mane, up hill and down hill, so dat I almost broke my neck, and thought it safest to ride upon my foot. Dat is truth, master Captain. But who is dis son of a whore dat you have wid you trotting in my place? Does he take good care of your cratur at night, and clane your boots? I would be after bidding him smell dis cudgel here dat I walk wid, if he neglect a good master, as your honor is.

The blood of Duncan was up at the idea of being cudgeled by an excise officer; and stepping up to Teague he lifted a cudgel on his part. Ye cudgel me, sirrah! said the Caledonian. If it was na for his honor's presence, I wad lay this rung on your hurdies; or gie ye a rap upon the crown; to talk sik language to your betters. I should make you ken what it is to raise the blood o' a Scotchman. You ca' yourself a revenue officer. But what is that but a gauger? which is the next to a hangman in our kintra. Captain, will ye stand by and see fair play, till I gie him his paikes for his impertinence? My lug for it, I sall make this rung rattle about the banes o' his head to some tune.

With that, Duncan was making his advance, having raised his cudgel, and putting himself in the attitude of a person accustomed to the back sword; which Teague on the other hand observing, accosted him with softer words; not disposed to risk an engagement with an unknown adversary. Love your shoul, said he, if I was after affronting you more dan his honor my master; burn me, if I don't love you, just because you are my master's sharvant, and takes care of his baste. I was only jokeing. It is just de way I would spake to my own dear cousin Dermot, if he were here; for in Ireland we always spake backwards. Put up your stick, dear honey, I am sure de Captain knows dat I was always good natured, and not given to quarrels; though I could fight a good stick too upon a pinch; but it never came into my head to wrangle with my master's sharvant, especially such a tight good looking fellow as yourshelf, dat has a good shelalah in your hand, and is fitter to bate than to be baten, dear honey.

Duncan, said the Captain, you have heard the explanation of the hasty words the revenue officer at first used; and it would seem to me, that, consistently with the reputation of courage, and good breeding both, you ought to be satisfied.

I dinna ken, quoth Duncan; it was a very great provocation to talk o' cudgelling; and it may be the custom o' a friendly salutation in Ireland, but no in our kintra. While I ha a drop o' the blood o' St. Andrew in me, I wad na gae up to sik civilities.

Said the Captain, as far as I can have understood, St. Patrick and St. Andrew were cousins, and you his descendants or disciples ought to be on terms of amity.

St. Andrew a cousin to St. Patrick! said Duncan. I canna acknowledge that, Captain. St. Andrew was a guid protestant, and a covenanter, but St. Patrick was a papist, o' the kirk o' Rome; and did na keep the second commandment, but worshipped graven images, and pictures o' saints: and tuke the sacrament wie a wafer. I shall never gie up that, Captain, that St. Patrick was o' kin to St. Andrew. They might be i' the ministry at the same time, but there is a great difference in their doctrine. Did ye e'er read any o' the works o' John Knox, Captain? Dinna ye ken, that the church of Rome is the whore of Babylon? If ye had lived in the time of the persecution, ye wad na hae compared a Scotch saint wie an Irish priest.

Said the Captain, I have no particular acquaintance with the distinguishing tenets of the two Evangelists; nor do I know any thing of them, save just to have understood that the one had planted christianity in Scotland, and the other in Ireland. But this is not a point so material to us individually, as that we cultivate peace and have no difference. I must therefore enjoin it on you, Duncan, that you drop your stick, and keep the peace towards the revenue officer on the high way, that he may not be delayed in going forward to enter on the functions of his office.

Said Duncan, Since your honor says the word, I shall lay down my stick; for I ken the law better than to stand out against the civil authority.

But Teague, said the Captain, how can you distinguish the figures of your watch, so as to tell the hours of the day; you that do not understand figures?

By my shoul, said Teague, and I never tought of dat. Will not de figures spake for demselves, when I look at dem? I am sure, I saw de son of a whore dat I got her from, look at her, and tell de hour of de day, like a pracher at his books: and I am sure and sarten, dat such an ill-looking teef as he was, could neider read nor write. But by my shoul, if dat is de way, dat I have to read de marks myself, I will swap her back for a horse or a cow, on de road; or for something else, dat will plase your anor better; so dere is no harm done, plase your honor, while we are in a christian country, and can meet wid good paple to spake to, and take a watch or a colt off our hands, when we mane to part wid it, plase your anour.

Such was the conversation at the first interview of the Captain's family, to use a military style; and may be considered as a sample of that which took place in the sequel of this day's travel, as they proceeded together until noon; when they came to dine at a public house, and umbrage was taken by Duncan, because the Captain had permitted Teague to sit at table with himself; which he did in respect to the office which he held, and in order to respect its dignity. Captain, said Duncan, coming to the hall door, and looking in, d'ye permit an excise officer to sit at the table wie your honor? Sik profanation I never heard o' in a' my born days; if it were in Scotland, it wad cause a sight to the whole neighbourhood. Does your honour ken that he is an excise officer?

Duncan, said the Captain, it is a principle of good citizenship, especially in a republican government, to pay respect to the laws, and maintain the honour of its officers. It is for this reason, that I make it a point to honor one who was lately my bog-trotter; not that I discern in him any remarkable improvement in talents or manners; but simply because the government has discovered something; and has seen fit to give him a commission in the revenue. Who knows but it may be your own fortune, at no distant day to obtain an office, and will you not think it reasonable then, that it should be forgotten that you were once in the capacity of a waiting man; and that you should receive the respect and the precedence due to your new dignity? it is not with us as in monarchies, where the advance is gradual in most cases; though even there, an individual through the favour of the prince, or of the queen, or of a lady or gentleman of the court, may have a sudden promotion: but in a free state, what hinders that the lowest of the people should be taken up, and made magistrates, or put into commissions in the revenue? I must insist, Duncan, that you retire to the kitchen, and take your dinner, and make no disturbance in the house at this time; you will come to understand better the nature of offices in these commonwealths in due time. Duncan retired; but in soliloquy expressing his chagrin, at the strange reversion of affairs in America, from what they were in Scotland, and his mortification at finding himself in the service of a master, that could degrade himself by dining with an excise officer.

Teague, on the other hand, though he was silent in the hearing of Duncan, broke out as soon as he had shut the door; Captain, said he, plase your anour, where did you pick up dat teef-luking son o'd a whore, dat has no more manners, dan a shape stealer in Ireland; or a merchant dat sells yarn at a fair? By Shaint Patrick, if your anour had given me leave in de road, I would have knocked his teet down his troat; and if your anour will excuse de table, I will go out and take him by de troat, and make him talk to himself like a frog in de wet swamps; de son of a whore, to spake to your anour wid a brogue upon his tongue in such words as dese.

By the brogue, Teague meant the Scottish dialect, which Duncan used.

Teague, said the Captain, the prejudices of education must be tolerated, until time and experience of the world, has lessened or removed them. He is an honest fellow, and I have more confidence in him, than I ever had in you, though his talents have not appeared equal; at least if I am to judge from the estimate made of you, by those who have a better right to judge than I have. However, I am unwilling to have any disturbance between you, and therefore, must insist that you leave him to the reprimands which I myself have occasionally given him, and shall continue to give him, until he attains a better knowledge of the nature of things in this new hemisphere, so different from those to which he has been accustomed.

This put an end to any altercation between the two, the revenue officer and the waiting man, for the remaining part of that day, as they trudged together, until they came to the inn at night, and having supped, were about to go to bed. It was what in some places is called an ordinary; that is, an indifferent tavern, of but mean accommodations. The house was small, and there was but two beds for the reception of strangers; one of these so indifferent, as to appear fit only for the servant of a gentleman, who might happen to travel the road, though large enough to contain two, or three persons. What it wanted in quality of neatness, and perhaps cleanliness, was made up in dimensions. This bed therefore seemed naturally to invite the reception of two of the Company.

Teague, said the Captain, when about to go to bed, I think Duncan and you, being the younger men, may pig in together in that large bed, and leave the other to me who am an older man, and am apt to tumble and toss a little, from weariness in my ride; and may perhaps disturb you in your sleep.

Guid deliver me, said Duncan, frae sik a profanation o' the name o' Ferguson, as to sleep wi' an excise officer. I am na o' a great family, but am come o' a guid family; and it shall never be said that I came to America to disgrace my lineage, by sik contact as that. Gae to bed wi' an excise officer! I wad sooner bed out o' doors; or i' the stable amang the horses.

The revenue officer was affronted at this; and gave way to his indignation. De devil burn me, said he, if I will be after slaping wid you, you son of a whore, you teef luking vagabon; wid de itch upon your back; I am sure all your country has de itch; and keep scratching and scratching, as if dey were in hell, and could get brimstone for noting; you son o'd a whore?

The youke! said Duncan. Do you impeach me wi' the youke?

You impatche yourself, said the revenue officer. Did not I see you scratching as you came along de road; and do you think, you teef, dat I wish to get de leprosy, or de scurvy, and have to sleep in a bag of brimstone two or tree weeks, before I be fit to travel wid his anour de Captain again?

The deel damn me, said Duncan, if I can bear that.

What, swear, Duncan? said the Captain, or curse rather, you that are a Covenanter, and have religious books in your wallet, the Confession of Faith and the Catechisms!

How can I help it, man, said Duncan. The deel rive his saul, but I maun be at him.

Duncan had by this time seized his walking staff, and put himself in an attitude to attack his adversary, who on the other hand had, instinctively, ensconced himself behind the Captain, and opposed him as a rampart to the fury of the Scot.

Duncan, said the Captain, you are in the wrong on this occasion, you gave the affront, and ought to excuse the revenue officer for what he has said, which, by the bye, was not justifiable, on any other ground but that of provocation. For national reflections are at all times reprehensible. But in order to compose this matter, and that we have no further disturbance, I will take the large, though more humble bed myself, and sleep with the excise officer, for the reputation of the government who has thought it proper to appoint him to this trust.

The deel take me if ye sall do that, Captain, said Duncan; I wad rather take the stain upon mysel, than let my liege be disgraced; for it wad come a'to the same thing in the end, that I had been the waiting man o' ane that had been the bed fellow o' a gauger. O! guid keep us, how that would sound in Scotland. What wad my relation Willy Ferguson, that is professor i' the high college o' E'nburgh, say to that? But rather than your honour shou'd tak the stain upon you, I shall put up wie it for a night; though if the landlady has a pickle strae, and a blanket, I wad rather lie by the fire side, than contaminate mysel, bedding wi' sik a bog-trotting loon as he is, that wad gae into sik an office for the sake o' filthy lucre, and to make a living; when there are many honest means to get a support other ways.

The landlady gave it to be understood that she could furnish him with a bag of straw and a blanket.

This adjusted the difficulty, and saved the delicacy of the Scotchman, and embarrassment of the Captain, in keeping peace between the bog-trotters; as in reality they both were, though the one had obtained a commission, and the other remained a private person.

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CHAPTER XIII.

CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.

THE object of the preceding chapter, has been to give some idea of the prejudices which exist with the inhabitants of Britain, and especially the northern part, against excise laws. This prejudice was, in a great measure the cause of that opposition to the excise laws of the United States, which terminated in the insurrection of 1794. The western parts of Pennsylvania where this insurrection took place, are peopled, chiefly by emigrants from Scotland, and the North of Ireland, where a colony of Scotch were planted by king James I. and which have been denominated the Scotch Irish. At the same time it was unequal to that frontier country, which had turned its attention to the manufacture of spirits from their grain, as in this manufacture, the produce of their fields could more easily be carried to market. In this view of the subject, the reasonings of the more intelligent, fell in with the prejudices of the vulgar. The embarrassing the administration, was also a motive with men of political ambition, and who were in proposition to the administration of that day. But an idea of subverting the government never existed in the mind of any one. But it comes to the same thing, if the government is subverted, whether it was intended or not. And this is a lesson to the people of a republic, that it is better to suffer a local evil, than to endanger the safety of the commonwealth, by opposition.

It is an easy thing to excite opposition; but difficult to arrest it at a proper point. The bulk do not distinguish the boundary of constitutional opposition; and unlawful violence. See my Incidents of the Western Insurrection, in the year of 1794. This will be found a commentary on the preceding observations.

It requires some experience of liberty to know how to use it. The multitude are slaves, or tyrants. The great thing is to preserve a medium between democratic violence, and passive obedience to oppression. These are the two extremes, which are to be avoided. Where there is a proportion of the people, as always is the case, without property, and who have nothing to loose, nothing is risked by a revolution; and therefore commotions are not dreaded, and if a reform is set on foot, it is pushed, by such beyond what is salutary, to a revolution. By this, liberty is lost; and the people blame the despotism which they themselves have procured.

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CHAPTER XIV.

IN the course of the three following days, during which the Captain and the two bog-trotters journeyed together, a great deal of ill will showed itself between the understrappers. By the bye, I ask pardon, before I go farther, of the government, for thus confounding the revenue officer with the present waiting man; but I aver, that it is not owing to any disrespect of the government, though it may have that appearance; but is to be resolved simply into the force of habit which I acquired in designating O'Regan in the early part of this narrative, before he was advanced to office; and since that, to the impression made upon my mind occasionally by his conduct, which has not entirely corresponded with the dignity of the commission. When instances occur of this nature, I fall involuntarily into use of the former epithet, which reflection, doubtless, would teach me to discard. This is my apology; and if it should be attributed to any secret grudge, or dislike of public measures, or persons at the head of our affairs, it will be a great injustice. But, as I was saying, in the course of the following days, much bickering took place between the Hibernian and the Scotchman; or as I might otherwise express myself, between the son of St. Andrew and St. Patrick. The Scot thought the Hibernian defective in grace and manners; both because he did not ask a blessing to his food, and because he took the liberty to eat with the Captain, and to converse with him as on equal terms. Indeed it was the only fault he found with the Captain himself, that he did not say grace to meat, and that he admitted the gauger to this enjoyment of equality. He did not enter fully into the necessary policy of observing the forms of respect to officers of government, merely for the sake of the authority, and as a compliment to the laws themselves. Nor was his knowledge of the human mind, and the modes of acting, sufficient to inform him, that the saying grace at victuals is a matter of form, more than of faith; and that for this reason, some christian sects, particularly the people called Quakers, omit it altogether.

The Hibernian would sometimes beat off, to use a nautical phrase, and disarm his adversary by expressions of benevolence, as "Love your shoul," &c. sometimes he would prepare for battle, and be disposed to defend himself; on which occasions it behooved the Captain to interfere, and break off the contest.

The Captain, at length, weary of this trouble, thought of the expedient of dismissing the revenue officer a day or two ahead, in order that he might be apart from the other bog-trotter. This being done, with exhortation that he would go forward speedily, and open an office in the district, the Captain proposed to remain a day at the public house where he then was, in order to give the revenue officer the advantage of the start I have mentioned. In the mean time, hearing of a cave in the neighbourhood, which was thought to be a great curiosity, he took the opportunity of visiting it. The guide led them to it; I mean the Captain and his waiting man, in about an hour's walk from the public house. It was on the bank of a small river; the mouth of the cave opening to the bank. A small stream issued from the cave, and fell into the river, with a fall of a few feet over a rock, rendered smooth by the current of the water. Above this, was a shade of spreading beech, with thick foliage, and beneath, towards the strand of the river, was a gradual descent with washed pebbles, and a clear filtrating sand. Hard by the fall of this water, and on the strand of the river, the attention of the Captain was attracted by certain rude sculptures, observable on a flat rock; and also by others on a perpendicular one that composed a part of the bank. There was the figure of the terrapin, the bear, the turkey, &c. It was a subject of reflection with the Captain, whether these impressions had been made by the animals themselves, while the rock had been in a plastic state, and before it had hardened from clay into stone; or whether it was the work of the savages, before the Europeans had possession of the country. He lamented that he had not a philosopher at hand, to determine this. On the bank above, and toward the mouth of the cave, were a number of petrifactions to be found; the water that ran here, appearing hence to have a petrifying quality. The Captain considering these, was thinking with himself how good a school this would have been for Teague, had he been admitted a member of the Philosophical Society, as had been proposed at an early period.

The mouth of the cave was of a height and width to receive a man walking upright, and without constraint, on his entrance. After a passage of a few yards, lined with the solid rocks, it opened into an apartment of about eighteen feet cube. The oozing from above formed the stalactites, and would probably in the course of a century or two, fill up this chamber altogether, unless by digging above, the course of the water could be diverted from the roof, and carried off by a conduit on a solid part of the mountain. The floor of the chamber had been raised by the petrification of the water; as appeared from the inequality of surface, formed by the stalactites, and from the testimony of the guide, who remembered the time, not more than fifteen years ago, when the descent to this apartment, was a step of at least a foot from the level of the entrance.

Passing on a few yards more, they descended a step, and came to a second apartment, of a greater extent, and of not less than an hundred feet to the level of the vault. Here was a vast bed of human skeletons petrified, but distinguishable by their forms. No doubt it had been a repository of savage chiefs, whose bodies, converted into stone by the virtue of this water, were preserved more durably than the mummies of Egypt. The dimensions of some of the skeletons bespoke them giants; that of one measured eight feet, wanting an inch. Duncan, said the Captain, I doubt much whether there have been larger giants in Scotland. Aye have there, half as large again, said Duncan; from the stones that are put up in some castles, there must have been men at least eighteen or twenty feet in height. What can have become of this breed? said the Captain. They have fought wi' ane another, 'til they are a' dead said Duncan. This was the easiest way of accounting for the loss.

There was an ascent of a step or two to the next apartment, which was of an oval form, the conjugate diameter of which was about thirty feet, and the transverse twenty-five. There were the bows and arrows, all petrified, that these warriors had used in life. The water descended not in drops, but through the fine pores of the rock in a gentle dew, and with an impression of extreme cold, so as to endanger life, and probably convert the human body into stone in a very short space of time. The guide thought it not adviseable to remain long, and Duncan was anxious to return; the forms of the dead in the chamber behind him leading him to apprehend, that some of their shades might come after them, to enquire the occasion of their visit.

Regaining the entrance of the cave, and emerging into light, I mean the light of day, for they had entered with torches, they left the place, and returned to the tavern.

The day following, they paid another visit to the cave, and observed in the chamber of bows and arrows, a pool of limpid water, into which looking, they discovered arrow heads and hatchets of stone innumerable. They took out, and brought away some of them. These had no doubt been first formed in wood, and then put in this water to petrify, and become fit for use. Thus we easily account for the formation of such implements; whereas the idea of being formed out of a stone, in the first instance, by the dint of human labour, and with no other instruments than stone itself, involves great difficulty. This discovery, the Captain, I presume, lost no time in communicating to the Philosophical Society, as will in due time appear, from a publication of their transactions.

Near the entrance, and on the right, was the passage to what is called the petrified grove. This, on their return ,they entered, and in about thirty steps found themselves in a spacious square, which appeared to have been once the surface of the earth: for here were trees in their natural position, with wasps nests on them, all petrified; and buffaloes standing under, in their proper form, but as hard as adamant. A bleak wind, with a petrifying dew, had arrested them in life, and fixed them to the spot; while the mountain in a series of ages, had grown over them. That which struck the Captain most, was an Indian man reduced to stone, with a bundle of peltry on his back. If the virtuosi of Italy, could have access to this vault, there would be danger of them robbing it of some of these figures, in order to compare with the statues that have been made by hands. When this cave shall have gained due celebrity, there is no question, but that attempts of this nature will be made. I submit, therefore, whether it would not be advisable for the connoisseurs of America, to apply to the legislature of the state, where the cave is, to prevent such exportation.

The Captain leaving this place, took nothing with him but the skin of a wild cat, which hung upon a stone peg in the side of the grotto, and which he broke off, by giving it a sudden jerk as he turned round. Duncan took a petrified turtle, which he thought resembled a highland bonnet, and said he would scrape it out, and send it for a curiosity to Perth.

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CHAPTER XV.

CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.

IT may be observed, that as I advance in my book, I make fewer chapters, by way of commentary, and occupy myself chiefly with the narrative. It is the characteristic of old age, and may be decorous towards the conclusion of the work. Nevertheless, I shall arrest myself here a little, to reflect on one particular of the discoveries of the Captain; the sculpture on the rocks, which appeared to be the labour of the aborigines of this country. I have not seen these sculptures, for I have not had an opportunity of visiting this cave; but I have seen similar sculptures, in abundance, on the west of the Alleghany mountains. I recollect at an early period to have heard it said, that Ferdinando Soto, had been on the Ohio waters, and as high as the mouth of the great Kenaway; and to have heard it given as proof of this, that in a particular place near the mouth of that river, the imperial eagle was to be seen engraven on a rock; the eagle which was the ensign of the Spanish monarchy, under Charles V. also emperor of Germany, and the successor of the Cæsars. It was added, on the same ground, that the vestiges of fortifications discoverable in this country, were the remains of Spanish works, and encamping grounds under Soto. I had understood, that the great Franklin had adopted this hypothesis with regard to these forts, from the sculpture of the eagle. In the winter of the year, 1787, I had the happiness to converse with that sage, and amongst a number of questions, which I had the curiosity, and perhaps impertinence, to ask, I put this with regard to the Kenaway sculpture, and the theory of the vestiges of forts in the western country. I found his ideas to be as I had been informed, and have stated. I was then in Philadelphia.

In the fall of this year, having returned to the western country, a surveyor who had been engaged in surveying lands on the Kenaway, being in my office on some business, it occurred to me to interrogate him on the subject of the sculpture. He had seen the engraving of what was thought to be the eagle, but called it a turkey; which word no sooner struck my ear, than all the hypothesis of the holy Roman eagle, and Ferdinando Soto, fell to the ground. It is a turkey, thought I, which the fancy of the virtuoso and antiquarian, has converted into the king of birds.

Conversing with the surveyor, he gave me an account more minutely of this, and other figures cut upon the rock, viz. the turkey with its wings spread as if just alighting; the deer with his branching horns; and the savage himself, with a large head and long limbs, rudely cut. He added, that he had heard from a hunter whom he well knew, that there was a rock with similar engravings on Cheat river, a small distance above where it falls into the Monongahela; and promised to bring this hunter to give me a description.

About a month afterwards, the surveyor brought the hunter to me, who appeared to have been observant, and to be intelligent. He had seen the rocks near the mouth of Cheat river. The following is the memorandum that I took from him:

"The turkey appears to have alighted at the lower part of the rock, and ran up to the top. You see the track, which it leaves; the stretched back, and the body thrown forward, as between flying and running. There is the figure of a man, with a large head, and horns, and a thin skeleton-like body. There are deer tracks well cut. This rock stands on a bend of the river; and the figures on the lower end, which projects most, are defaced by the water, which rises to this height in the time of floods. There is a horse track. This is the only thing that I think remarkable, if it is a horse track, for, as I do not know that there were any horses here, before the European settlements, it would argue that this engraving had been done since, and by the natives who have come from the Chesapeak, and had seen horses. The settlement made by Captain Smith at the mouth of James river, Virginia, was, I believe the earliest made, contiguous to this country."

This hunter gave me to understand, that he had seen a rock, sculptured in like manner on the Kenaway, about eighty miles from its mouth; that is nearly in a line directly west from the rocks on Cheat river.

Having been led into the way of enquiring on this subject, I have found that these engravings are very common throughout the whole western country; that they are discernible all along the Ohio, at low water especially, when the horizontal rocks are left bare; that they are found on the margins of the streams also.

I had heard of one of these on the Monongahela, about forty miles above Pittsburgh, and in the summer of 1793, crossing the country near that place, I spent a part of a day, in going out of my course to observe it. The sculptures were of the same kind, and answer the description before given of those elsewhere. The figures on this are, a bear rudely or rather clumsily cut; a hawk flying with a snake in its beak; the moon and the seven stars; a racoon; a human arm, and human feet, well done; a buck with branching horns; the turkey; and a number of others. I want no other proofs that these sculptures were by the natives, than the form of the feet, which are unquestionably Indian; the narrowness, and smallness of the heel evinces this. It might also be induced as a presumption, that there are the vestiges of a fortification, such as has been mentioned, just above on the hill. For it is reasonable to suppose, that these works of leisure and taste, were most likely to be pursued in the neighbourhood of such a work. But what has been at all times conclusive with me, that these engravings are the works of the natives, is, the circumstance that no alphabetic mark of any language, or Roman or Arabic numeral, is found amongst any of these. For it is well known, that it is a thing which would occur to any European, who should amuse himself in this manner, to impress the initials at least of his name, and the digits of the year. I had put this question to the surveyor and hunter, of whom I have made mention, with regard to letters and numeral marks, and found that none has been observed by them, on the rocks which they had seen. On that ground, independent of all others, I made the deduction I have stated.

I consider these sculptures, as the first rude essays of the fine art of engraving; and to have been the work of savages of taste distinguished from the common mass, by a talent to imitate in wood or stone, the forms of things in nature, and a capacity of receiving pleasure from such an application of the mental powers. Whilst a chief of genius, was waiting for the assembling of other chiefs, to hold a council; or while the warrior was waiting at a certain point for others, that were to meet him, he may have amused himself in this manner; or it may have been the means to cheat weariness, and solace the intellectual faculty, when there was no counselling in the nation, or wars to carry on.

Happy savage, that could thus amuse himself, and exercise his first preeminence over animals we call Beasts. They can hunt, and devour living things for food; but where do you find a wolf, or a fishing hawk, that has any idea of these abstract pleasures, that feed the imagination? Why is it that I am proud, and value myself amongst my own species? It is because I think I possess, in some degree, the distinguishing characteristic of a man, a taste for the fine arts: a taste and characteristic too little valued in America, where a system of finance, has introduced the love of unequal wealth; destroyed the spirit of common industry; and planted that of lottery in the human heart; making the mass of people gamblers; and under the idea of speculation, shrouded engrossing and monopoly every where.

It would seem, that the sculptures of which I speak are the works of more ancient savages, than these which have lately occupied this country; these tribes not being in the habit of making any such themselves, and the figures evincing an old date, being in most places, in some degree effaced, by the water of the river, or the rain washing the rocks, on which they are engraven. They would seem to have been a more improved race, who had given way to barbarians of the north, who had over-run the country. It is generally understood, by the tradition of the present Indians, and the early French writers, Charlevoix and others, that about the beginning of the present century, the Six Nations conquered this country, and expelled the former owners; and the word Ohio, is said to mean bloody, and was the name given it from the blood shed upon its waters at that time.

The fortifications of which we speak, must have also been works of defence, of that or an earlier period. From the trees growing upon the mound, or parapet of these, they must be, some of them, many hundred years old.

It will strike the reflection, how was it possible for the human mind to remain so long in so low a stage of improvement, as was the case with these, the aborigines of this country? Perhaps the more puzzling question would be, whence the spring that could have sufficient energy to rouse them from it? I shall leave this to philosophy, thought, and historical deduction. Enough has been said at present.

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CHAPTER XVI.

ON the third day, renewing their journey, the conversation between the Captain and his servant turned on the character, and history of the present revenue officer, the late Teague O'Regan. The Captain gave Duncan a relation of what had happened; in the case of the attempt to draw him off to the Philosophical Society, to induce him to preach, and even to take a seat in the legislature of the United States; that had it not been for a certain Traddle, a weaver, whom they had been fortunate enough to substitute for him, the people would most undoubtedly have elected Teague, and sent him to Congress.

Guid deliver us! said Duncan; do they make parliament men o' weavers i' this kintra? In Scotland, it maun be a duke, or a laird, that can hae a seat there.

This is a republic, Duncan, said the Captain; and the rights of man are understood, and exercised by the people.

And if he could be i' the Congress, why did ye let him be a gauger? said Duncan.

This is all the prejudice of education, Duncan, said the Captain. An appointment in the revenue, under the executive of the United States, ought not to have disgrace attached to it in the popular opinion; for it is a necessary, and ought to be held a sacred duty.

I dinna ken how it is, said Duncan; but I see they hae every thing tail foremost in this kintra, to what they hae in Scotland: a gauger a gentleman; and weavers in the legislature.!

Just at this instant, was heard by the way side, the jingling of a loom, in a small cabin with a window towards the road. It struck Duncan to expostulate with this weaver, and to know why it was that he also did not attain a seat in some public body. Advancing to the orifice, as it might be called, he applied his mouth and bespoke him, as he sat upon his loom, thus: Traddle, said he, giving him the same name that the Captain had given the other; why is it that ye sit here, treading these twa stecks, and playing wi' your elbows, as ye throw the thread, when there is one o' your occupation, not far off, that is now a member of the house o' lords, or commons, in America; and is gane to the Congress o' the United States? canna ye get yoursel elected; or is it because ye dinna offer, that ye are left behind in this manner? Ye shud be striving man, while guid posts are gaeing, and no be sitting there wi' your backside on a beam. Dinna your neighbors gie ye a vote? Ye shud get a chapin o' whiskey, man, and drink till them, and gar them vote, or, ye should gae out and talk politics, and mak speeches.

Such was the address of Duncan, meaning nothing more than to amuse himself, with the idea of a manufacturer obtaining a seat in the legislature, and making laws instead of warping webs. But in the mean time, the wife of the mechanic, who had overheard the conversation, and was incensed at an attempt to take her husband from his business, seizing a pot-stick and running out, and turning the corner of the house, laid a blow upon the posteriors of the orator; accompanying her force with reproachful words to this effect:

Will you never let the man alone, said she, to mind his business, but be putting these notions in his head? He has been once constable, and twice member of assembly; and what has he got by it, but to leave his customers at home, complaining of their work not done? It is but little good that has been got of him these three years, but going to elections, and meetings, and talking politics; and after all, what does he know of these matters? Just about as much as my brown cow. A set of lounging louts, coming here and taking up his time with idle nonsense of what laws should be made, and urging him to be elected; and William Rabb's wife waiting for her coverlet this three months, and Andrew Nangle for his shirt cloth. It is enough to put a woman in a passion that has the temper of a saint, to have her man's head turned so from his own affairs, by idle vagabonds that come the way, in this manner.

At this, she made another effort, and springing forward was about to impress a second blow; when Duncan retreating, and lifting up his stick in his turn, accosted her in these words: Gin you were a man, as ye are a muckle witch, I should be for taking ye wi' this rung across your hurdies. Is it any affront to have it evened to your man Traddle, to gae to the senate, and to get a post i'the government, and no be knotting threads here, wi' his shuttle, like a tradesman o' Paisly? Ye vile carlin, ye maun be a witch, or a warse body, to take a stick in your hand, like a driver o' stots, and come pelmel, upon a man ahint his back, when he is na speaking till ye. Foul fa' me, but if it were na a shame to battle wi' ane o' your sex, I wad break your back with a lunder, before ye knew what ye were about. To keep this honest man here, shut up like a prisoner under ground, in a dungeon, drawing a reed till him, instead o' throwing out his arms like a Latin scholar, or a collegian, making his oration to his hearers! Are ye chained there, (turning his speech to Traddle,) that ye stay sae contentedly yoursel, man, and dinna break out, and escape frae the fangs o' this witch?

This witch! said she, (apprehending danger from a second address to the weaver) this witch! I shall witch you to some purpose, you vagabond. With this she made a hasty step, and was nearly on the back of the Caledonian, with her pot-stick, having made a stroke at him, which he evaded, by taking to his heels, and retreating speedily. The Captain in the mean time had rode on, and left them to complete their dialogue.

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CHAPTER XVII.

DUNCAN had affected the wag on the late occasion with the manufacturer and his wife, and had like to have suffered some alloy of pain from the blows which were inflicted, or were meditated. But at the public house, in a village, a little way ahead this day, where they halted about noon, a circumstance happened which changed his view a little, and disposed him to sadness, rather than to play the wag with his neighbours on the road. While the Captain had reclined, and was asleep on a sofa, a constable had apprehended Duncan with a warrant commanding this officer to take the prisoner before a justice of the peace, by whom it had been issued. Duncan had taken for granted, that it was the weaver's wife who had made complaint, and sent after him, on account of the threats he had made to chastise her. The bustle in apprehending him, had made a noise in the porch, and awakened the Captain. Duncan, said he, what is the matter?

Lord deliver me, said he, if I ken. They say I am a prisoner. The bailiff here has ta'en me wi' a warrant. It maun be that witch the weaver's wife, that has made a complaint, just because I was jesting a wee, about her husband gaeing to the legislature; and she did na take it weel, but amaist brake my back wi' her spurtle; and now she has ga'en awa and sworn belike that I strak her; for this is the way o' these witches, that they turn states evidence, and swear for themselves against honest people.

Duncan, said the Captain, this is what comes of your meddling with politics. You must undertake to say forsooth, who is qualified to be a representative of the United States; you must insist upon an industrious mechanic to relinquish his occupation; and this not from any opinion of his fitness for such appointment, or any principle of love for the public good; but merely for your pastime, and in ridicule of a republican government in this country. For though there have been instances of choosing weavers for the legislature, and coblers, and coopers, why make a burlesque of this? Have not the people a right to make such a choice? yet because these things are not common in Scotland, it must be a subject of a laugh here. Had you been serious, there could have been no fault found; but the insult lies in your making a jest of it, which was evident from your manner, in turning aside from the highway to address a weaver through the window of a cellar; and in an abrupt manner, to introduce an expostulation with him on the subject of election. No wonder that the termagant and his wife, who did not relish the proposition, even in a serious point of view, was offended, and disposed to inflict blows; and, on the resistance made on your part, and threats probably thrown out, has applied to a justice of the peace, and obtained a warrant to commit you to the custody of the law.

What can they make o' it? said Duncan.

I do not know, said the Captain, what a strict judge might make it, I should think it could not be made a hanging matter. However let us see the warrant, and enquire what the justice of the peace has made of it.

I shall not show the warrant to any man, said the constable, but to his worship, justice Underchin, to whom I must carry the prisoner immediately. So come along; come along; the justice will show you the warrant.

There being no help for it, Duncan was obliged to go along, the Captain accompanying him. Being brought before the justice, Ah, have ye nabbed him? said his worship: I am glad ye have got him; a great rascal.

There is no question, said the Captain, stepping forward, and addressing the justice, but the young man has acted with considerable imprudence; but ignorance of the world, and especially of the laws and customs of America, has been the principal cause of his intrusion. Though he has not been long in my service, yet I am disposed to speak with some confidence of his civility in general. But may it please your worship, in what shape have your brought the charge. Is it an assault and battery, or what?

I make it bastardy, said the justice; what else would I make it?

Bastardy! said the Captain. It might be fornication, or adultery; but how can it be bastardy in so short a time? It cannot be a rape, that your worship means. There was no rape, or fornication, or adultery in the case, I will engage that. And how can there be bastardy? some very hot words passed between him and the woman, and strokes might have been given; but there was certainly no disposition, as far as I could see, to beget bastards; nor was there time for it. They were not in such a very loving humour, when I left them; nor did he stay behind me above twenty minutes on the road.

The justice was a little swarthy man, of a corpulent habit, seated in an elbow chair, with pen, ink, and paper on a stand by him. He threw himself back, as he spoke; leaned his head alternately on the right and left shoulder, and bridled his lips, as the phrase is, discovering in the affectation of his manner, great pride of office, and apparent satisfaction in having caught a criminal. Endeavouring to be witty at the embarrassment of the present culprit, and the expressions of the Captain,—Why Mr., said he, addressing himself to this last, though I do not know who you are, that are so willing to assist me in the examination of this vagrant, yet I will observe to you, that I make no doubt that some hot, or at least warm words, have passed between them; and strokes as you call it might have been given; but as to the time of twenty minutes, or a longer period, it is of no consideration in the law; provided the woman swears, as this one has done, that she is with child by him. Nor will his ignorance of the customs of America excuse him; we must commit him, or bind him over, if he can find security, to appear at the sessions, to take his trial for the fornication.

Wi' bairn! said Duncan. She might just as well have ta'en an oath, that I was wi' bairn to her. Was na her man Traddle, sitting on his loom looking at us a' the time? O the false jade! I get her wi' bairn! I wad get a witch wi' bairn as soon.

It is extraordinary, said the Captain, that she could be certain of her pregnancy in so short a time?

So short a time! said the justice; do you call six months a short time?

It is not six hours, said the Captain, nor the half of it, since the fracas happened.

Guid guide us! said Duncan, who was standing on the back ground, making his soliloquy; Guid guide us, that I should come to America, to be tri'd for getting a woman wi' bairn. What will Mr. Dougal, our minister, think o' this? after ha'ing the Confession o' Faith wi' me, and sae mony guid bukes. Standing on the stool, is bad enough; but naething to the way they hae I' this kintra, o' taking a man wi' a bum, and bringing him before a magistrate; just the same thing as he ware a sheep stealer. O the false jade, to swear a bairn upon me; what will my ain folks say, when they hear o' it in Scotland? It will be a stain upon my kin to the third generation. It was the deel himsel put it in my head, to stand talking wi' a fool weaver about his election. I wish I ware in Perth again, and out o' a' this trouble.

Six hours! said the justice answering to the Captain. Is it not six months, Sampson, referring to the constable, since this pedlar left this settlement?

Pedlar! said the Captain; he never was a pedlar; nor is it six months since he left Scotland. He was recommended to me by a gentleman whom I knew very well, Mr. M'Donald, as a lad just come over. So that it is impossible he could have been here six months ago.

I am no sax months frae Perth, said Duncan.

Is not your name Ryburn, said the justice, and are you not that Scotch pedlar that was in this settlement two or three months? Can there be any mistake? referring to the constable; is not this Niel Ryburn, for whom the warrant calls?

It is the very man, said the constable. I knew him by his dialect the moment I saw him in the porch at the public house, talking with the hostler. He has the same brogue upon his tongue, and says Guid guide us, just in the same manner: only at that time he used to say also, by my fa'th, and by my sa'l, more than he does at present. He has become religious since, or pretends to be so, in order to deceive your worship. But at that time, he had not much religion about him, and had no guid bukes as he calls them, in his pocket; but could damn his sa'l, and swear like a devil.

Niel Ryburn! said the Captain, that is not the name of my valet. It is that of Duncan Ferguson. But pray who is the woman that he is said to have got with child? The weaver's wife is the only one that he has had a conversation with to my knowledge; and as I said before, they were not much in the way of making love when I left them.

A weaver's wife! said the justice; not, Mr. M'Radin, or whatever else they may call you; it is no weaver's wife; it is Kate Maybone, that has made oath against him. He had carnal knowledge of her about six months ago, when he was in this settlement peddling, and got her with child.

I perceive, said the Captain, we are all at cross purposes, and under a mistake in this business. This North Briton—

Stop, said the justice, if you are to give your testimony, Mr. with the cocked hat, speaking to the Captain, we shall take it by yourself; and not let the pedlar hear it, to enable him to frame his story to the same purpose.

Accordingly Duncan being withdrawn in the custody of the constable, the Captain was examined, and related the particulars on oath of all that he knew respecting the prisoner; and now being ordered to withdraw, the prisoner was called in and interrogated.

His story was to the same effect with that of the Captain, and would seem to distinguish him from his countryman named in the warrant; but his Scottish dialect founded the presumption of identity so strongly, that it was difficult, if not impossible, to get over it.

I see, said the justice, that they have framed their stories by collusion. They are a couple of ingenious rascals; though the one of them, the pedlar, affects great simplicity; and the other vouches for him that he is ignorant. I believe I must commit them both; the one for bastardy, and the other for horse-stealing. For the circumstance of having but one horse between them, is extremely suspicious, and renders it probable that they must have stolen that one. The story which they tell, of having come in company with a revenue officer, whom they have sent ahead on foot, is absurd, especially when you add what the one who is called Captain tells, of this officer having been once his servant, or passed for such, under the name of Teague O'Regan, and bog-trotting as he calls it, in the manner that this Duncan, which he pretends is the name, does now; and yet even then being likely to be taken from him to preach, to go to Congress, and the Lord knows what: It is impossible; it must be a falsehood; and the probability is, that this fellow, this Captain, is the head of a gang of horse-thieves; and this Scotch pedlar, and the Irish revenue officer, are understrappers, with him, in the trade.

This being signified to the Captain, who was now called in, he addressed the justice to the following effect: Mr. Justice, said he, what I have related to you upon oath, however improbable it may appear, is the fact; and as to your surmises of horse-stealing, they are groundless; and you may commit, if you think proper, but you shall answer for the consequences. It is no small matter to deprive a citizen of his liberty, and I am not so much unknown to the government, as not to obtain redress against an ignoramus like you, who disgrace the commission by your stupidity, as many of the same office do. The utmost of your power is to commit; but it may come in my turn to impeach for your abuse of power. What proof, or presumption have you, that I have stolen horses? Is it that of having a servant on foot, rather than having one mounted? If I had stolen one horse, could I not as well have stolen two? The presumption is the reverse of what your worship states. As to the North Briton, who is charged with bastardy, by the name of Niel Ryburn, with a certain Kate Maybone, where is the woman? cannot she be brought face to face with the man and confronted? Let her then say if this is Niel Ryburn; and that this simple lad is the person who begot a child with her, six or eight months ago. I am persuaded he was on the east of the Atlantic at that time, and if she could become pregnant by him, she must have been on that side also. Let this matter be examined.

From the sedate and firm manner with which the Captain had expressed himself, the justice began to be apprehensive of having been mistaken, and was intimidated. He was willing therefore to send for the woman who had made the oath. Being in the village, she was in a short time brought before his worship, by the constable who had been despatched for that purpose.

Kate, said the magistrate, is not this the Scotch pedlar, the father of your child, and against whom you have made oath?

The father of my child! said Kate; does your worship think I would let such a servant looking son of a b—h as that get me with child? does your worship mean to affront me, by having him taken up in the place of the moving merchant, Mr. Ryburn? no, no; he is not the father of my child. I never saw the clumsy looking dunce in my life before.

Duncan was well pleased to be relieved from the charge of bastardy; but at the same time a little hurt, at the undervaluing of the witness.

Young lady, said he, I wish you muckle joy o' your big belly, but I dinna envy the pedlar o' his guid luck, o' haeing you wi' bairn. If I was to stand i' the stool, it should be for anither sort o' luking lassie; and no sik a brazen fac'd ane as ye are.

Kate was about to make reply; but the justice not thinking it comported with the dignity of office, to suffer an altercation in his presence, and being chagrined at not finding this to be the real culprit, released the arrest, with ill humour, desiring Captain, prisoner, Kate, and constable, to be gone about their business.

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CHAPTER XVIII.

THE second day after this, in the afternoon of the day, as the Captain and his man Duncan were advancing on their journey, they perceived a person ahead, coming towards them, with a long slouching walk, as if in considerable haste, and a stick in his hand.

If that man had not his face the wrong way, said the Captain, I should take him for the revenue officer, Teague O'Regan; he has a good deal of his appearance, both in his person and his gait. But he cannot have mistaken his direction so much as to be coming this way, instead of going to his district.

I dinna ken, said Duncan; these Irish ay put the wrang end o' their speech foremost; and why not put the wrang end o' their course now and then?

As they were debating, the person approached, and it was discovered to be Teague.

He had advanced to a pass of the mountain, where he was met and opposed by two men of an athletic personal appearance, who forbade him, at his peril, to proceed farther. They were armed with clubs, and presented a very choleric countenance. The revenue officer had thought it not adviseable to encounter them, being two to one, and proposed rather to fall back, and join himself to the Captain and the Scotchman, who might support him in his march.

These two men were of the name of Valentine and Orson; so called, either from the fierceness of their nature, or from their superior strength, resembling the two champions of that name, of whom we read in books of romance. They had been born and bred in these mountains.

Valentine had the advantage of some education with a Welch school-master, who passed his native language upon the young man for Latin; so that conceiving himself to have acquired the rudiments of this tongue and therefore qualified to enter on the study of some one of the learned professions, he had deliberated whether he should plead law, preach, or be a physician; but happening one day to see a member of congress riding along, with a boy behind him carrying a portmanteau, he had taken it into his head to be a member himself, and had canvassed frequently for that delegation, but had been disappointed; one person and another coming forward, and taking off the votes. He had made up his mind for some time past to make an experiment of personal force, to intimidate competitors. For this purpose, he had taken to his assistance another young man of the name of Orson, whom he found in the neighbourhood, and with whom sallying out as a kind of squire, or armour-bearer, he could knock down any one that had the impudence to set up against him in the district. Orson had not actually been suckled by a bear, like his name sake in romance; but he was a rough, stout man, and well qualified to bear a part in this mode of canvassing.

The rumour had prevailed by some means, that Teague was coming forward to stand a trial in that district; whether propagated by some wag, who passed him on the road, and was disposed to amuse himself with the apprehensions of the two rustics; or to some mistake on the part of travellers, who had come through the village in the neighbourhood.

The Captain, however, and the revenue officer himself, had resolved their menace into a dislike of the excise law, and a wish to intimidate, or prevent by force, the opening an inspection office in that district.

Under these impressions, advancing to the pass, they were met by the young men, who made a show of battle; though on their part not a little disconcerted at seeing Teague return with a reinforcement, and with the advantage of cavalry.

The Captain placed himself in the centre, on horseback, and a little in advance of the two wings on foot, Duncan and Teague. The north Briton, preserved a composed manner, and shewed a steady countenance. The Hibernian, on the other hand, willing by an appearance of great rage, and much valour, to supersede the necessity of battle, or blood shed, stood with his right foot before his left, flourishing his cudgel, and grinning like an angry person, who was impatient for the onset.

As is the manner of heroic men, the Captain thought proper, before the commencement of hostilities, to accost the adverse combatants, to see whether it might not be in his power to remove, or at least allay their prejudices against the obnoxious law, and induce them to suffer the officer to pass. Accordingly he addressed them in the following words:

Gentlemen, the law may be exceptionable on general principles, or locally unequal in its operation to you in this district. Nevertheless, it is the law, and has received the sanction of the public voice, made known through the constitutional organ, the representatives of the people. It is the great principle of a republican government, that the will of the majority shall govern. The general will has made this a law, and it behoves individual minds to submit.

I wad na sleech and prig wi' them, said Duncan, stepping forward and flourishing his cudgel. I wad na hae many words about it. But just see at once whether they will dare to stap the high road. Gin they persist, I can tak ane o' them, and ye and Teague can tak the ither, and my lug for it, I sall gae the ane that fa's to my lot, a weel payed skin, I warrant him. Say dinna ya tak up time fairlying about the matter; but gae on, and try our rungs o'er the hurdies o' them. I sal gar this stick crack o'er the riggin o' the loons, in a wie while.

Teague, in the mean time, was on the back ground, endeavouring to look sour, making wry mouths, and grinning occasionally: all this with a view to support the threats of the north Briton.

Duncan, said the Captain, for he had not attended to Teague, put up your cudgel. Policy oftentimes avails more than force. The law in question may be odious, and great allowance ought to be made for the prejudices of the people. By soft measures, and mild words, prejudices may be overcome. These appear to be but young men; and rashness is a concomitant of early life. By expostulation we may probably have the good fortune to be able to pass on, without being under the necessity to attempt battery, or shed blood.

The two young men were not to be intimidated by a show of cudgels, or grinning, and wry mouths; but still conceiving that the object of the Captain was to force an election in favour of his precursor, the Hibernian, and not understanding the scope of his harangue, but supposing him to speak of the law of election where the votes of the majority, that is the greater number of votes, constitutes the representative, they were as much disposed to use force as at first; and, advancing, appeared ready to sustain the shock.

An affray must have ensued; for the Captain having taken every possible measure to avoid blows, was now resolute to force the pass, even at the risk of battle. But just at this instant, a grave man coming from the village, who had known the character, and had been frequently a witness of the conduct of the young men, addressed them: Young men, said he, will you be eternally running into errors of this kind? Have you interrogated these gentlemen, and understood from themselves whether any of them are candidates, and mean to disturb you by setting up for Congress in this district? It is possibly the humour of some wag coming up the road, and knowing your disposition, that has created the surmise.

The fact was, that some wag who had passed Teague on the road, and who had known the apprehensions of Valentine, had given rise to the report. For he thought to amuse himself by it, knowing the extravagancies into which it would of course throw the two young men. For the whole country, not long before that time, had heard in what manner they had mistaken individuals for public candidates. On one occasion they had fought with a mason and his barrow-man, and abused them considerably. On another occasion, they had knocked down a potter with a bag of earthen-ware, and broken several of his vessels. For this reason, the grave man, of whom I spoke, who had got a hint by some means of what they were about, had traced the young men, and coming up at the critical moment, addressed them as I have before said, exhorting them to make enquiry first, whether their apprehensions were well or ill founded; and not take it for granted that either of these personages, were competitors for Congress, before the fact had been ascertained, and their pretensions considered by an amicable expostulation.

Candidates for Congress! said the Captain; what could have put that into the young mens' heads? it is true, this bog-trotter, who is now an excise officer, was on the point once of being a candidate, or at least of being elected a representative of the union; but having escaped that, though with some difficulty, he is not in the executive department; and has received an appointment to the collection of the revenue of a district beyond this, to which he is now on his way; and is far from having any thoughts of an election of any kind whatever.

The two young men, at this, were relieved from their fears, and their minds seemed dilated with unusual joy. Stepping forward, they shook hands with Teague, and invited him to drink with them; but the Captain apologized, alledging the necessity on the part of O'Regan, to press forward as speedily as possible, and to be on the spot where the functions of his duty called him. This apology seeming to suffice, they all three made obeisance to the young men, and to the grave looking man; and passed on.

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CHAPTER XIX.

CONTAINING REFLECTIONS.

IT may be thought preposterous in these young men to attempt force in the matter of an election. That depends on their possessing any other faculty by which they could succeed. Have not all animals recourse to those means of providing for themselves, which nature has given them? The squirrel climbs a tree, while the wolf runs through the brake. The cat lies in wait, and watches for her prey; while the greyhound pursues with open mouth, and seizes the hare or the fox.

Valentine would not seem to have possessed the advantage of mental recommendations; he could not have it in his power to allure and persuade. Why not therefore act by compulsion, and use force? But why not make application of this force upon the voters themselves, and knock down either before or after an election, all those who had been obstinate in withholding their suffrages? It is probable that experiment had been made of this, and that it had been found ineffectual. What then remained, but to repel the intrusion of competitors? It was more convenient, as there were fewer of these; at least it rarely happens, that there are as many candidates as voters. It seems more natural, as beginning at the source and repressing the pretensions of the canvassing individuals, who are usually the first movers in the business. It is of the nature of a summary proceeding, and avoids delay, to break the head of a competitor, and induce him by fear, if not by modesty, to desist.

It may be queried, what respectability in the capacity of legislators can such persons have, after having been elected, without the requisite information on state affairs, or talent of eloquence, to make a figure in a public body? That is no business of mine. It belongs to these that set up for such appointment, to consider this. It may be said, however, that it is not necessary that all should make a figure in the same way. In the exhibition of a circus, you will be as much diverted with the clown who mounts a horse clumsily, or who, attempting to tumble, falls on his posteriors, as with the greatest activity shown by the master. In music, bass is useful; nay, may be thought to be necessary to mix with the treble. An illiterate and ignorant member of a deliberative assembly, forms an agreeable contrast with the intelligent; just as in gardening, we are pleased with a wild copse after a parterre.

It may be thought a vesania, or species of madness, to entertain such an inordinate passion for the legislature. Not at all: it was not a madness properly so called, by which I mean a physical derangement of the intellect. The cause was merely moral; and the derangement only such as exists in all cases, where the mind is not well regulated by education, and where the passions are strong and intemperate. This young man Valentine had conceived, at an early period, the idea of becoming a legislator; and as has been said, from seeing some member of Congress pass the road, with a servant and portmanteau also; not at all comprehending the necessity, or at least usefulness, of a knowledge of the geography of the world in commercial questions; or of history in political. He had been accustomed at home to run a foot race with a wood-ranger; to lift a piece of timber at a house-building, or log-rolling; or to wrestle at cornish-hug with the young men of the village; and had imagined that the same degree of strength and dexterity, which had given him a superiority, or at least made him respectable in these, would raise him to reputation in the efforts of the human mind.

Why need we wonder at an uneducated young man judging so preposterously on great subjects? It is not to be presumed that he ever had an opportunity of reading Cudworth's Intellectual System, or any other writer on "the eternal fitness of things." This belongs to the schools; I mean the higher academies, where metaphysics, and the co-relate science of logic, is taught.

I am aware that malevolent persons, judging from their feelings, will allege that in the caricature I have given of the mountain candidate, I have had some prototype in view, and hence intended a satire upon individuals. It will not be a fair deduction; unless it is restrained simply to this, that something like it has occurred in the course of my observation, which has given rise to my idea of the picture.

Now that I am upon the subject of elections for deliberative assemblies, I will make a few general observations, without meaning to give offence to any one.

There are but two characters that can be respectable as representative of the people. A plain man of good sense, whether farmer, mechanic, or merchant; or a man of education and literary talents. The intermediate characters, who have neither just natural reflextion, nor the advantage of reading, are unnatural, and can derive no happiness to themselves from the appointment; nor can they be of use to the commonwealth.

But men err, not only judging falsely of their capacity for a public trust, but in the means of obtaining it. I have in view, not only all indelicacy in the solicitation of votes, but in the management that is too often used on election days, in changing tickets, obstructing windows, voting more than once; a thing tolerable perhaps, or at least excusable, in the election of a sheriff, an office of profit; but which ought to be considered indelicate in a competition for honour. It is impossible for any law to reach the cure of this evil; it can be remedied only by attaching disgrace in public opinion, to these or the like arts. I do not mean to represent as indelicate the candidates offering to serve. For I would rather be accused of forwardness to offer myself, than of affectation to decline, when I was willing to be elected. The one savours of cowardice and falsehood; the other, at the worst, can be called but vanity.

The wise and virtuous exercise of the right of suffrage, is the first spring of happiness in a republic. If this is touched corruptly, or unskilfully, the movements of the machine are throughout affected. Not only judicious regulations by positive law are necessary to secure this, but the system of family and scholastic education ought to contemplate it. An advice which no father ought to fail to give his son should be to this effect:—"Young man, you have the good fortune to be born in a republic; a felicity that has been enjoyed but by a small portion of the race of man, in any age of the world. In some ages it has been enjoyed by none at all. It is a principle of this government, that every man, has a right to elect, and a right to be elected. In the exercise of the first, the right to elect, be taught my son, to preserve a scrupulous and delicate honour: and as at school, the sense of shame amongst your equals, would restrain you from all fraud, in obtaining a game at fives; so much more now that you are a man, let it restrain you from all unfairness in this the great game of man. With regard to being elected, your first consideration will be your talent.

Quid valeant humeri, quid ferre recusent.

At school, you would despise the boy who would set himself forward, as an expert swimmer or wrestler, who was deficient in skill at these exercises. In order to be respectable, put not yourself above your strength. If you covet the honour of a public trust, think of qualifying yourself for it; and then let the people think of chusing you to discharge it; that is their business. Lay in a stock of knowledge by reading in early life. Your old age, by these means, will acquire dignity; and appointments will readily follow. You will be under no necessity of soliciting inordinately the suffrages of men."

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CHAPTER XX.

THE Captain and the two on foot journeyed from hence together, without any material incident falling out, or any thing to attract the attention; save what arose from the sparring of the bog-trotters. This took place on the ground of irreligion in Teague, and disregard for the covenants; but more especially on a difference of opinion with regard to the desert of their respective services, in the late rencountre with the highwaymen, as they were disposed to call them; Teague alleging that he had intimidated them by grinning, and wry mouths; Duncan claiming the credit by the display of his cudgel. The Captain had a good deal of trouble, in parrying a decision of their respective pretensions; or adjusting them in such a manner as to satisfy both. They were likely sometimes to come to blows. He was relieved, however, by the approach of the revenue officer to his district, into which they now began to enter.

After some days peregrination through it, having made choice of a central situation, it was thought proper to open an inspection office, which was done by hiring a house, and writing over the door, Inspection Office of Survey, No. &c.

Suspicion had existed on the part of the government, that opposition would be made in this district to the opening an office; or at least to the collection of the revenue. These were founded not only in reports of threats of that nature; but in some instances of actual violence, clandestinely committed on deputies. It was for this reason, amongst others, that the President had made choice of O'Regan, a stout and resolute man, as he thought him, with a shelalah in his hand, who could repel occasional insults. So far these suspicions appeared to be without foundation; the officer having conspicuously traversed the district, and opened an office without molestation.

The Captain was now about to return home, having seen the establishment of his ward in an office under government. But before he parted with him, he thought it not amiss to give him lessons with regard to the discharge of his duty in his present appointment. With this view, drawing him into a walk the second day, a small distance from the village, he began his lecture in the following words:

Teague, said he, for I am still in the habit of giving you that appellation, not having yet ascertained whether you are to be stiled, your worship, your honour, or your reverence; or at least not having yet been accustomed to add these epithets; Teague, I say, you are now advanced to great dignity; a limb of the executive of the union. It is true, your department is ministerial. Nevertheless it requires the wisdom of the head to conduct it. But the integrity of the heart is the great object to be regarded. Keep your hands from bribes; and by a delicate impartiality towards all, even from the suspicion of taking them. I should regret indeed after all the pains I have taken in fitting you for an office, and contributing to your appointment, to hear of an impeachment against you, for a misdemeanor in that office. By conducting yourself with a scrupulous honour and pure morality in your present trust, the way is open to a higher grade of advancement; and there is no kind of doubt, but that in due time it will be attainable. The President of the United States, from whom you have received your commission, is said to have the virtue, or rather the excess of one, never to abandon the person whom he has once taken up; or at least to carry his attachment to an extreme of reluctance in that particular; whether owing to great slowness in conceiving unfavourably of any one; or to pride of mind, in an unwillingness to have it thought that his judgment could be fallible. Your will have an advantage here; but at the same time there is an ultimate point in this, as in all things, beyond which it is impossible to preserve a man. Bear this in mind, and be honest, attentive, and faithful in your duty, and let it be said of you, that you have shown yourself a good citizen.

Just at this instant a noise was heard, and looking up, a crowd of people were discovered at a considerable distance, advancing towards them, but with acclamations that began to be heard. They were dragging a piece of timber of considerable length, which appeared to be just hewn from the woods; and was the natural stem of a small tree, cut down from the stump, and the bark stripped off. At the same time a couple of pack-horses were driven along, which appeared to be loaded with beds, and pillow cases.

The Captain was led to believe that these were a number of country people, who having heard of the revenue officer coming to his district, had come forward to pay their respects to him, and to receive him with that gratulation which is common to honest but illiterate people, in the first paroxysms of their transport. Having understood that country to be chiefly peopled with the descendants of the Irish, or with Irish emigrants themselves, he had supposed that hearing the new officer was a countryman, they had been carried forward, with such zeal to receive him, with huzzaing and tumult. On this occasion, he thought it not amiss to turn the conversation, and to prepare the mind and the manners of the deputy for this scene, which being unusual, might disconcert and embarrass him.

Teague, said he, it is not less difficult to preserve equanimity in a prosperous situation, than to sustain with fortitude a depression of fortune. These people, I perceive, in a flow of mind are coming forward, to express, with warmth, the honest but irregular sallies of their joy, on your arrival amongst them. It was usual in the provinces under the Roman republic, when a Quæstor, of whom a favourable impression had preceded, was about to come amongst them. It is a pleasing, but a transient felicity, and a wise man will not count too much upon it. For popular favour is unstable, to a proverb. These very people in the course of a twelve-month, if you displease them, may shout as loud at your degradation, and removal from dignity. At the same time this ought not to lead you to be indifferent, or at least to seem so, to their well meant expressions of favour at present; much less to affect a contempt, or even a neglect of them. A medium of ease and gracefulness in receiving their advances, and answering their addresses, whether it is a rustic orator in an extempore harangue, or some scholar of the academy, or school-master, they may have prevailed upon to draw up a speech, and read it to you. There is no manner of doubt, but the President of the United States, may have been a thousand times embarrassed with the multitude of addresses delivered or presented to him; and it required no small patience and fortitude to sustain them. Yet it has been remarked, that he has received them all with complacency; showing himself neither elevated with the praise, nor irritated with the intrusion. And it is but reasonable, and what a benevolent man would indulge; for it is a happiness to these creatures, to give themselves the opportunity of being distinguished in this manner.

Duncan who had heard a rumour in the village of what was going forward, had in the mean time come up, and understanding from the last words of the Captain what had been the drift of his conversation with Teague, and discovering his mistake, interrupted him at this place. Captain, said he, ye need na be cautioning him against applause, and popularity, and the turning o' the head, wi' praise, and guid usage: for I doubt muckle if it comes to that wi' him yet. I wad rather suspect that these folks have na guid will towards them. I dinna ken what they mean to do wi' him, but if a body might guess frae the bed ye see there on the poney's back, they mean to toss him in a blanket. But if it were to be judged frae the tree they hae trailing after them, I wad suppose they mean to make a hanging matter o'it, and take his life a' thegether. There is na doubt but they are coming in a mob, to make a seizure o' the gauger, and the talk o' the town is o' a punishment I dinna understand, o' tarring and feathering. I have heard o' the stocks, and the gallows, and drowning like a witch, but I never heard o' the like o' that in Scotland. I have heard o' tarring the sheep, to keep them frae the rot, but I never heard o' tarring a human creature. May be they mean to put it on his nose, to hinder him frae smelling their whiskey. I see they got a keg o't there in their rear, drawn upon a sled; at least, I suppose it to be whiskey they hae in that keg, to take a dram, as they gae on wi' the frolic; unless it be the tar that they talk of to put upon the officer.

This last conjecture was the true one. For it was tar; and the stem of a tree which they drew, was what is called a liberty pole, which they were about to erect, in order to dance round it, with hallooing, and the whoop of exultation.

The cavalcade now approaching, they began to cast their eyes towards the groupe of the three as they stood together.

By de holy faders, said Teague, I see de have deir looks upon me. Dey look as wild as de White Boys, or de Hearts of Oak in Ireland. By de holy apostles, dere is no fighting wid pitch forks; we shall be kilt, and murdered into de bargain.

Teague, said the Captain, recollect that you are an officer of government, and it becomes you to support its dignity, not betraying unmanly fear, but sustaining the violence even of a mob itself with fortitude.

Fait, and I had rather be no officer at all, said Teague, if dis is de way de paple get out o' deir senses in dis country. Take de office yourshelf; de devil burn me, but I shall be after laying it down, as fast as I ever took it up, if dis is to come of it; to be hooted at like a wild baste, and shot, and hanged upon a tree, like a squirrel, or a Paddy from Cork, when de foolish boys hang him upon de 17th of March, wid potatoes about his neck, to make fun o' de Irish. I scorn to be choaked before I am dead; de divil burn de office for me, I'll have none of it. I can take my Bible oath, and swear upon de holy cross, dat I am no officer. By shaint Patrick, and if dere are any Irish boys amongst dem I would rather join wid dem. What is de government with offices to a son o'd a whore dat is choaked, and cannot spake to his acquaintance in dis world? By de holy apostles, I am no officer; I just took it for a frolic as I was coming up de road, and you may be officer yourshelf, and good luck wid de commission, Captain; I shall have noting to do wid it.

At this instant the advancing crowd raised a loud shout, crying, Liberty and no excise, liberty and no excise; down with all excise officers.

Teague began to tremble, and to sculk behind the Captain. By de holy vater o' de confession, said he, dey are like de savages, dey have deir eyes upon me, I shall be scalped; I shall be kilt and have de hair off my head, like a wolf or a shape. God love you, Captain, spake a good word to dem, and tell dem a good story; or by de christian church, I shall be eat up like a toad, or a wild baste in de forest.

The bog-trotter was right; for this moment, they had got their eyes upon the groupe; and began to distinguish him as the officer of the revenue. An exact description had been given them, of his person and appearance, for these people had their correspondents, even at the seat of government; and travellers, moreover, had recognised him, and given an account of his physiognomy, and apparel.

There he is, there he is, was the language; the rascally excise officer; we shall soon take care of him. He is of the name of O'Regan, is he? We shall O'Regan him in a short time.

Devil burn me, if I am de excise officer, said Teague. It is all a mistake gentlemen. It is true I was offered de commission; but de Captain here knows that I would not take it. It is dis Scotchman dat is de officer. By my shoul, you may tar and feather him, and welcome.

No, said the Captain, stepping forward, no gentlemen: for so I yet call you; though the menaces which you express, and the appearance of force which your preparations exhibit, depart from the desert of that appellation. Nevertheless, as there is still a probability of arresting violence, and reclaiming you from the error of your meditated acts, I address you with the epithet of gentlemen. You are not mistaken in your designation of the officer of the revenue, though he has not the candour to avow himself; but would meanly subject a fellow bog-trotter to the odium and the risk; an act of which, after all the pains that have been taken of his education, to impress him with sentiments of truth and honour, I am greatly ashamed. No, Gentlemen, I am unwilling to deceive you, or that the meditated injury should fall on him, who, if he has not the honour of the office, ought not to bear the occasional disadvantage: I am ready to acknowledge and avow, nor shall these wry faces, and contortions of body, which you observe in the red-headed man, prevent me; that he is the bona fide, actual excise officer. Nevertheless, gentlemen, let me expostulate with you on his behalf. Let me endeavour to save him from your odium, not by falsehood, but by reason. Is it not a principle of that republican government which you have established, that the will of the majority shall govern; and has not the will of the majority of the United States enacted this law? Will——

By this time, they had sunk the butt-end of the sapling in the hole dug for it, and it stood erect with a flag displayed in the air, and was called a Liberty Pole. The beds, and pillow cases had been cut open, and were brought forward. A committee had been appointed to conduct the operation. It was while they were occupied indoing this, that the Captain had without interruption gone on in making his harangue. But these things being now adjusted, a principal person of the committee came forward, just at the last words of the Captain.

The will of the majority, said he; yes, faith; the will of the majority shall govern. It is right that it should be the case. We know the excise officer very well. Come lay hands upon him.

Guid folk, said Duncan, I am no the gauger, it is true; nor am I a friend to the excise law, though I came in company wi' the officer; nevertheless I dinna approve o' this o' your dinging down the government. For what is it but dinging down the government to act against the laws? Did ye never read i' the Bible, that rebellion is warse than witchcraft? Did you never read o' how mony lairds and dukes were hanged in Scotland lang ago, for rebellion? When the government comes to take this up, ye sall all be made out rebels, and hanged. Ye had better think what ye are about. Ye dinna gie fair play. If ye want to fight, and ony o' ye will turn out wi' me I sal take a turn wi' him; and no just jump upon a man a' in ae lump, like a parcel o' tinklers at a fair.

The committee had paid no attention to this harangue; but had in the mean time seized Teague, and conveyed him to a cart, in which the keg of tar had been placed. The operation had commenced amidst the vociferation of the bog-trotter, crossing himself, and preparing for purgatory. They had stripped him of his vestments, and pouring the tar upon his naked body, emptied at the same time a bed of feathers on his head, which adhering to the viscous fluid, gave him the appearance of a wild fowl of the forest. The cart being driven off with the prisoner in this state, a great part of the mob accompanied, with the usual exclamation of "Liberty, and no excise law. Down with all excise officers."

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CHAPTER XXI.

CONTAINING REFLECTIONS.

IT is time now to make some reflections, were it not only for the sake of form; just as the clergyman who divides his text into several heads, and then adds, "we shall conclude with an improvement of the whole; or with a few practical observations or reflections." In early life, when long sermons tired me, the young mind not capable of long attention, I used to look out for this peroratory part of the discourse, with much anxiety; not that I valued it more than any other, for the intrinsic worth of it, but merely because it was the last. It appeared to me an unconscionable thing in a man to speak too long, when it was left with himself how long he should speak. Ah! if it was known how many curses I have given tedious speakers even in the pulpit itself, in my time, I should be thought a very wicked man. Perhaps some may think that I am a tedious writer. Well; but have not readers it in their power to lay down the book when they think proper, and begin again?

But as I was saying, it has become time to make some reflections, of which it must be acknowledged, I have been sparing in this the latter part of my performance. But upon what shall I reflect? The vanity of things, doubtless. But in what mode shall I present this vanity? In moralizing on the disappointment of the Captain and the revenue officer, with the waiting man Duncan Ferguson, coming forward to establish offices, and all at once made prisoners, and treated as the meanest culprits? or shall it be on the mistaken patriotism of even good though uninformed men, opposing an obnoxious, and unequal law, not by remonstrance, but by actual force, and thereby sapping all principle, or rather overthrowing all structure of a republican government? No: these are exhausted topics. I shall rather content myself at present, with a dissertation, on that mode of disgrace, or punishment, which was chosen in the case of the revenue officer; tarring and feathering.

I find no trace of this mode of punishment amongst the ancients, I mean the Greeks, Hebrews, and Romans. Having had occasion lately to look over the whole book of Deuteronomy, I have paid attention to this particular, and have discovered no vestige of it. Amongst the Greeks, so far as my memory serves me, there is nothing like it. I recollect well the sanctions of criminal law amongst the Romans. And what appears to me to come nearest to this of tarring and feathering, is the punishment of the sewing up the culprit in a sack, with an ape, a serpent, and a fox; and throwing him into a river, or a bason of the sea, to drown, if he had escaped death by his companions in the mean time.

As to the origin of tarring and feathering, I am at a loss to say.* It would seem to me, that it took its rise in the town of Boston, just before the commencement of the American revolution. Unless, indeed, it should be contended that Nebuchadnezzar was tarred and feathered; of which I am not persuaded; because though it is said that "his nails had grown to eagles' claws," and in that case presenting the talons of a bird, which a tarred and feathered man resembles, yet at the same time it is added, he eat grass like an ox. Now a turkey buzzard, or a bald eagle, does not eat grass like an ox; nor do I know that these fowls eat grass at all or at least so obviously as to make the eating grass a distinguishing characteristic of their nature. I shall therefore give up the hypothesis of Nebuchadnezzar being tarred and feathered.

[*This mode of punishment is said to be alluded to in the laws of Oleron.]

It would appear to me to be what may be called a revolutionary punishment, beyond what in a settled state of the government may be inflicted by the opprobrium of opinion; and yet short of the coercion of the laws. It was in this middle state, that it took its rise with us; answering the same end, but with a more mild operation, than that of the lanthern, at the commencement of the revolution in France. It took rise in the sea coast towns in America; and I would suppose it to be owing to some accidental conjunction of the seamen and the citizens, devising a mode of punishment for a person obnoxious. The sailors naturally thought of tar, and the women, who used to be assisting on these occasions, thought of bolsters and pillowcases.

Let it suffice that I have suggested the question, and leave it to be settled by some other person, at some future period.

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CHAPTER XXII.

WITH regard to Teague whom we left in the hands of the mob, having been carted about the village, until the eyes of all were satiated with the spectacle, he was dismissed; but ordered to depart from what was called the survey, under the penalty of being seized again, and hanged on the liberty pole, to which they pointed at the same time, and on which there was a cross bar, which appeared to render it convenient for that purpose.

The unfortunate officer was not slow to take the hint, but as soon as he was out of their hands, made his way to the wilderness. There we shall leave him for the present, and return to the Captain, whom we left in the village, and who had been employed during the occasion, reasoning with the people, and endeavouring first to divert them from the outrage, and afterwards to convince them of the error of it, and the danger of the consequences. Instead of allaying their fervour, and convincing their judgments, it had begun to provoke, and irritate exceedingly; and gave birth to surmises that he was an accomplice of the excise officer, which in a short time grew into a rumour, that he meant to continue the inspection office, and substitute the North Briton as a deputy in the room of O'Regan, until his return. Under this impression, assembling next day, they proceeded to pull down the inspection office altogether, and to enquire for the Captain and his valet, that they might tar and feather them also.

The Captain having had a hint of this, and judging from the experiment he had made, that it was in vain to oppose the violence of the people, but rather to yield to it for the present, thought proper to withdraw from the village for a time, and take his route towards the mountains, where he might remain at some farm house, until a more peaceable state of things should take place.

He had travelled the greater part of the day, and towards evening when he began to think of taking quarters for the night, he came to a narrow valley at the foot of the mountain, with a small, but a clear and rapid stream running through the valley, which had the appearance in some parts of a natural meadow, there being intervals of grass plats of considerable extent, with hazel copses, of young trees. The tall timber on the height above, formed an agreeable shade, and ledges of stone, worn smooth by the water in some places, making small but perpendicular falls in the current of the water. Dismounting, and delaying a little in this spot, to let the horse take a mouthful of the grass, and deliberating whether if no habitation appeared, it might not be agreeable enough to take a bed there on the natural sward for the night; having a small quantity of provisions in Duncan's wallet, and a flask of whiskey, which they hastily put up at setting out.——

At this instant, an aged and venerable looking man descended from the mountain, with a slender and delicately formed young lad accompanying him, having on his shoulder the carcase of a racoon, which he held by the hinder feet, and which probably had been cut out of a hollow tree, or taken in a trap, that afternoon.

The Captain thought with himself, that he would have no great objection to have an invitation from the old man and his son, as he supposed him to be, to go home with them and lodge for the night; taking it for granted from the appearance of understanding in the countenance, that they were of a grade of education above the bulk of the people of that country. It so happened, that after explanation had taken place, that he did receive an invitation, and went home with them.

The residence was romantic, situate on a small eminence on the north side of the valley, which running east and west, the sun struck it with his first beams, and the zephyrs, playing in the direct line of their course, fanned it in the summer heats. A small cascade at a little distance, with a sandy bottom, afforded a delightful bathing place: and the murmur of the falling water, in the silence of the night, was favourable to sleep.

It was a cabin of an oblong figure, perhaps twenty by twelve feet, consisting of two apartments, the one small, and serving as a kitchen, the other answering the purpose of hall, parlour, and bed room. The family consisted of the old man, the young lad his son, and an attendant who acted as cook, butler, and valet-de-chambre. Duncan having rubbed and combed the Captain's horse, and turned him loose to eat, was stowed away in the kitchen, while the racoon was barbecued for supper, and the Captain with the host, and his son, were pursuing the explanation of what they respectively were; being yet in a great degree unknown to each other.

It appeared that the old man was the Marquis de Marnessie, who had been an emigrant from France, a short time after the commencement of the present revolution, and had served some time in a corps of ten thousand men, which had been formed of the nobility, under the combined princes, against the republic. Having been under the necessity of abandoning his seats with precipitation, he had been able to carry with him but a few thousand livres. These had been reduced in supporting himself and friends in the service, and he had brought but a few hundred to America. This country he had been led to seek disgusted with the combined powers, when the stipulations of the convention of Pilnitz, began to transpire, and the object appeared to be, not so much to support the monarchy, as to divide the country: chagrined also with that neglect, and even contumely, experienced from the German princes who appeared to think with contempt of their services, and to repose their confidence alone, in their own forces, and discipline.

Coming to America, he had retired from the sea coast, both to be out of the way of the French democrats in the towns, and in order to occupy a less expensive residence. He had found this valley unappropriated by the state, a warrant for an hundred acres of which he obtained from the land office, at the low rate of fifty shillings; and having cleared a small spot, had made a garden, and cultivated what is called a patch of Indian corn, subsisting and amusing himself and his family, chiefly by trapping and hunting in the neighbouring mountain; wishing to forget his former feelings, and to live upon the earth, as regardless of its troubles as if buried under it. His cabin was neat and clean, with flooring of split timber, and stools made out of hewn logs. A few books, and half a dozen small paintings, a fuzee, and an old sword, being the only ornament of its walls.

Having supped on the barbecued racoon, they took bed upon the planks, each furnished with a blanket, being the only matrass, or covering with which they were provided.

A great deal of conversation had passed in the course of the evening; and considerable sympathy of mind had taken place on the part of the Marquis towards the Captain, considering him in the light of an emigrant with himself, having been obliged to abscond, from sans cullotte rage, and popular fervor, which, though not of the same height with that in France, yet was of the same nature, and different only in degree.

The invitation was given by the Marquis, and accepted on the part of the Captain, to remain in that retirement for some weeks, until matters were composed, and it might be safe for him to take his way again through the country, and return to his dwelling. Duncan took care of the horse, chopped wood, carried water, and assisted the French valet to barbecue racoons, young bears, squirrels, pheasants, partridges, and other game, that the traps, or fuzee and dog, of the Marquis and his son, accompanied by the Captain, could procure. Much conversation passed in the mean time, on the affairs of France; sometimes sitting on a rock on the side of the mountain, or under the shade of an elm tree in the grassy valley; or walking out to set a trap; at other times, in an evening in the cabin, when they had returned from the labor or amusements of the day. These conversations were chiefly in the French language, which the Captain spoke very well; but in relating any particulars of that conversation, we shall give it in English, to save the printer the trouble of having it translated. And we shall confine ourselves to a very few particulars, meaning rather to hasten to the action of the work, than to delay the reader in an episode, longer than is absolutely necessary to let some things be matured, that are next to take place.

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CHAPTER XXIII.

IT was one of those temperate and pleasant evenings which in this climate succeed the autumnal equinox, that the Marquis and the Captain walking out together, the subject of the conversation happened to be the right of the people of France to overthrow the monarchy, and establish a republic. The Captain had read the pamphlets of Thomas Paine, entitled, "Rights of Man," and was a good deal disposed to subscribe to the elementary principles of that work; a leading doctrine of which is, that at no time can the pact or customs of ancestors forestal or take away the right of descendants to frame whatever kind of government they think proper.

This must be understood, said the Marquis, like most other general propositions, with some limitation, or exception; or at least some explanation, before the mind of all, at least of mine, can acquiesce in the deductions. It may easily be supposed that I am not a proper person to canvass this subject, having been of that class of men, who had all to lose, and nothing to gain, by a revolution in the government of the country where I lived. Nevertheless, if my feelings do not deceive me, I ought not to be considered as a person under great prejudices. For it seems to me, that I am detached from the world, and never more expecting to be restored to my country, so as to live in it with reputation, or even with safety, I am like a person with all his senses awake, and within a few seconds of death; his vanity is asleep, his pride is gone; he looks back upon his pursuits, and his hopes, with true philosophy, and makes a proper estimate of all the acquisitions, and all the enjoyments of life. Or rather, I may be thought to resemble a disembodied spirit, who no longer capable of enjoying the false glories of life, is not liable to be seduced by the appearance of them. The shades of departed men in the elysian fields as imagined by the ancients, and painted by the poets, cannot be more abstracted from former impressions, than I feel myself to be, in this kind of elysian, and posthumous valley. When I converse with you who have come from the world, and may return to it, I am in the situation of the Grecian worthies defunct of life, when visited by Ulysses. Achilles candidly acknowledged to him, that he had rather live as a hired laborer with a poor man, who had little food, than to rule over all the ghosts. I will in like manner declare, that such is my predilection for my country, and that ravishing delight which I would take, in breathing my native air, and seeing my native soil, looking at the buildings which were accustomed to strike my eyes in better days, that I would prefer fishing along the streams for my precarious and daily food, or digging the soil, and procuring my subsistence with a peasant, than to be the President of the United States, deprived of the countenance of my countrymen, and the view of that other heaven, and that other earth. The contempt that I may have entertained, or at least the undervaluing inseparable from my situation, which I may have felt, for the undignified with nobility amongst us, is totally gone: I could lay myself down, with the meanest plebian, and call him my brother. Descent, title, and fortune, have disappeared from the eyes, and I see nothing but man, in his rude and original excellence, as a conversing and sociable animal. Nevertheless, even in this state of mind, I cannot wholly subscribe to the analysis of Paine. Let us examine his position.

The new born infant has a right to a support from its ancestor, until it shall be of years to provide for itself; but has it a right to his estate after it shall have been of a mature age? surely not a natural right; nor a right sanctioned in all cases even by the municipal law; for the ancestor may alien, or devise away from the heir. But if he claims as heir, or takes by devise, is it not under the artificial establishment of society, that he makes this claim, or takes this gift? shall he not then take this estate subject to that government in the principle and form of it, under which this estate was acquired, and by which it is preserved to him? The civil relations that exist from the aggregate to him, are a law, as well as the relations that exist from individuals. Suppose all minors of age at one hour, and all ancestors just departed at the same moment, there might be some reason then in supposing that the descendants were not bound by the former establishments, but were at liberty to introduce others; or the descendants emigrating, and occupying a new soil, are certainly at liberty to frame new structures: But not while a single ancestor exists, who has an interest in the old mansion house, and is attached to the building, however Gothic; because the ancestor had this right before the minor was born, and his birth could not take it away. I say, then, contrary to the principle of Paine, that our ancestors having established an hereditary monarchy, it is not in the power of the descendants to change it. They may remove from under it if they will, but not pull the house down about our heads.

The early feudalist, whose acquisitions and possession of them, depended on that military subordination and tenure which gave rise to the system, when he took his place in it either as a chieftain, or a vassal, submitted to it; he had his voice in this social compact; and shall his descendants be allowed to unhinge the tenure, and change the fabric which was not of his building? shall he claim the advantages of that species of government to which he has been introduced, and not submit to the inequalities of it? or shall it be changed but by universal consent? shall even a majority change it? No: because each individual is, in the language of the law, a joint tenant, and has a right, per my and per tout, in the part, and in the whole. It can no more take away the right an individual has in the system of government, than the right he has in his estate, held by a prior law. Upon investigation, it will be found a question more of power than of right; just as in these woods, I take the racoons and rabbits, not that I conceive myself to have any right to have come from the banks of the Loire to make these depredations, but that having come, I have the skill to do it.

The Captain was led to smile at these last words of the Marquis, as savouring of misanthropy, equalising the case of brute animals with men. I can easily excuse, said the Captain, this sally of your mind, and must resolve it into the wounds your feelings have received from the reverse of your fortune, and the dreadful outrages which have taken place, in the course of the revolution, from the fury of the human mind. Nor would I call in question wholly the justness of your position, with regard to the right of changing a mode of government. Nevertheless, it may admit of some discussion in the generality, and be so bounded as to leave some great cases out of the rule. I grant you that the descendant, on the principle of natural right can claim nothing more of the personal labor of the ancestor, or of his estate than support, until he shall be of an age which gives strength of mind and body to enable him to provide for himself. But does he not possess by his birth, a right to so much of the soil as is necessary for his subsistence? You will say he may emigrate. But suppose all adjoining known lands already peopled; he cannot emigrate without committing injustice upon others. He must therefore remain. How to preclude him from all right to think, or act in affairs of government, with a view to improve, and to improve is to change, is restraining the mind of man, in a particular capable of greatest extent, and upon which depends. more than on all things else, the perfection of our species. I would put it upon this point, is it conducive to an amelioration of the state of life, and likely to produce a greater sum of happiness, to innovate upon established forms, or to let them remain? It is true, indeed, that when we consider the throes and convulsions with which a change in government is usually attended, it ought not to be lightly attempted; and nothing but an extreme necessity for a reform can justify it. It is almost as impossible, comparing a physical with a moral difficulty, to change a government from despotism to liberty, without violence, as to dislodge a promontary from its base, by any other means, than mining and gun powder.

Of that I am convinced, said the Marquis; for there never was a people more generally disposed to a degree of reform, than the people of France, at the commencement of the revolution. The writings of philosophers had pervaded the minds of the highest orders, and it had become the passion of the times to lean towards a certain extent of liberty. It had become the wish of the good, and the humour of the weak, to advance the condition of the peasantry. As an instance of this, I myself had written a book, entitled"Sur le bonheur de campagne," with the express view of depicting the depressed situation of the common people in the country, and the means of raising them from that condition.

But a reform once begun, it was found impossible to arrest it at a middle point. It may be resolved into a thousand causes, but the great cause was, the insatiable nature of the human mind, that will not be contented with what is moderate. For though there were doubtless a considerable portion of the nobility who were opposed to any diminution of their power and pageantry; yet, on the other hand, as great an evil existed in the wish of extreme equality in others; or rather, a wish to bring all things to a perfect level, that from thence they might begin to ascend themselves. There began to be insincerity on the part of the court, and licentiousness on the part of the people; and finally a contest, lurid and dreadful, like the column of dark clouds edged with blue, and fraught with lightning. A contest so terrible, that I have thought myself happy in escaping from it, even though I have been obliged to call upon the rocks and the mountains to cover me in this valley.

The above is a sample of those conversations which took place, between the Marquis and the Captain, during the space of some weeks which the Captain spent in this rural and obscure recess. In the mean time, the Count, the son of the Marquis, had been despatched occasionally through the settlement, and to the village where the late outrage had been perpetrated, in order to learn what had become of the revenue officer, as also to ascertain the state of the public mind, and when it might be safe for the Captain to show himself in public, and return by the main road to his habitation.

Nothing had been heard of O'Regan, but accounts the most unfavorable were obtained of the disposition of the people. The flame of opposition had spread generally, and the whole country appeared to be involved in a common burning. They had demolished all inspection houses, far and near; assembled in committees, and framed resolves of the utmost violence. The obnoxious were banished; and even the lukewarm in the cause were threatened with the destruction of their goods, and injury to their persons. They had begun to frame guillotines, and to talk of taking off the heads of traitors to the cause.

The Captain was not a little alarmed at these proceedings; but the Marquis who had seen the machine of the guillotine in actual operation, was seized with a horrid fear; and he almost imagined to himself that he saw it moving of its own accord towards him; and his reason told him, that it was not at all improbable but that it might be brought to approach him very speedily, as the same sans cullotte anarchy and violence began to show itself in these regions, as had broke out in regions of France.

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CHAPTER XXIV.

IT may now be time to make some enquiry after the unfortunate officer, who had been treated in the manner we have mentioned.

The evening the outrage had been committed on him, he had run several miles, naked as he was; if a man may be said to be naked, that is invested with a layer of viscous fluid, and the adhesion of bird's feathers to cover him; through much danger from the country people, who were ill affected to his office. He had at length gained the recesses of a forest, where he thought himself safe for the night; until near morning, when the barking of wolves at no great distance, as he thought, led him to apprehend the being devoured by these animals, who might take him for an object of their prey. To escape this, he had thought it advisable to climb a spreading beech tree, and there remained until after sun-rise, when two hunters coming along at that early hour, descried him amongst the branches; and not without much surprise and astonishment. At first they took him for a bear; but seeing the feathers, it was decided that he must be of the fowl kind. Nevertheless his face and form, which appeared to be human, made him a monster in creation, or at least a new species of animal, never before known in these woods.

They at first hesitated whether to take him down by a shot, or to pass on and leave him unmolested. But at length it was determined to pass on for the present, as if they had not seen him, and to rouse the settlement, to take him with dogs, and the help of men. It would be a valuable acquisition to have such a creature to carry to the great towns for a show. It might be a fortune to a man. This being resolved on, one of the hunters was dispatched to rouse the settlement, while his comrade in the mean time, had taken his station on an eminence at no great distance, to watch the motions of the wild creature, and give information of his change of situation. The officer in much melancholy of mind had descended from the beech, and was sitting on the point of a rock, looking about him like a bald eagle, when a couple of stout fellows came suddenly behind him, with the folds of ropes, and entrapped his body, so that he could not move his arms, which they took to be wings, but was as tightly laced as a ship's yard arm, when the sails are furled to prepare for a tempest.

A cage having been made and put into the bed of a waggon, he was conveyed to the capitol, when the proprietors, after having published an advertisement, began to exhibit him as a curiosity, for the sum of a quarter dollar to each grown person, and an eighth of a dollar to the children of families whose parents brought them with them.

In a short time, this uncommon creature, as it was thought to be, became the subject of general conversation; and the Philosophical Society had heard of it. Having called a special meeting, they dispatched two members to ascertain and report the nature of the animal, in a memoir to be inserted in their transactions.

The two members accordingly requested of the proprietors an opportunity of a leisurely examination of the animal, and paid them a quarter dollar each extraordinary, for this indulgence. The proprietors were disposed, as was natural, to assist with some particulars of fiction, the singular qualities of the animal they had in charge. They related, that when they first saw it, in its flying from the mountain, it was just alighting on the tree top; that having taken it, they had at first offered it boiled and roast flesh, but this it refused; but that at length it had come to eat flesh both roasted and sodden, with considerable gout, and sometimes even with rapacity. This was false, by the bye, for they had tried the officer with raw flesh at first, which he had refused, and would eat only roasted or boiled.

The proprietors informed, that when first taken, its cries, or voice, was of a mixed sound, between that of a wild cat and heron; but that it had come to have some imitation of the human voice, and even articulation, and might from that circumstance be probably a species of the parrot.

The philosophers noted all this, and doubtless made a proper use of the particulars, in determining the genus of the animal. For the last thing that a virtuoso ought to question, is the truth of facts. It is by taking facts as granted, that an hypothesis is most easily established.

The transactions of the Society have not been yet published. Nevertheless we have been favoured with the report of the members on this occasion, with leave to publish it, having so immediate a relation to this work. It is as follows:

"The animal of which an account is now to be given, was asleep when we made our visit; and the keepers were unwilling to disturb him, having been kept awake, they said, too much for some time past, by the frequency of people coming to see him. However, this circumstance gave us an opportunity which we would not otherwise have had, of observing him while asleep. He lay with his head upon his right shoulder, and his hinder legs, drawn up to his belly, in the manner of the dog, or bear. The drawing his breath, and his snoring, is that of a man. He has hair upon his head, with a mixture of feathers; but upon his body there is nothing but feathers, not in the manner of other fowls, if fowl this may be called, smooth and clean, but growing through a viscous substance resembling tar, and intermixed with it; in this particular differing from the bird kind in general, who by means of a spinal gland secrete an oily substance, with which they besmear and dress their feathers; for here the oily or viscous substance is itself mixed with the feathers, and oozing from the skin. Nor are the feathers here, as in fowls in general, lying all one way, but in various directions, as if nature had given them to sprout out at random. But what is most extraordinary, the stems are frequently protruded, and the downy part inserted in the skin.

"Such were our observations while he lay asleep.

"After half an hour the keepers having awaked him, he got up from his straw by turning on his back, stretching out his fore legs, or wings, if they may be so called, raising himself on his rump, and then by resting on one paw, rising with a slow and easy motion, to his feet. It may seem a catachresis in language to talk of the face of a beast; nevertheless we shall use this phrase, for though in great part covered with feathers, and the same viscous matter with the body, yet in shape it has the appearance of a human face, full as much or more, than the baboon or others of the ape species. It cannot be said to laugh, but rather grin, though once or twice in our presence, you would have thought that it exhibited a dilatation of the oscular muscles, as if attempting to laugh.

"The eye is of a grey colour, and the look wild, but steady, like that of a person under an impression of amazement and wonder. The neck, and whole form of the body, and even the hinder legs, have a strong resemblance of the human. Were it not for the feathers, a person on a superficial view might mistake the wings for arms, being attached to the body by a shoulder blade, and the claws resembling the fingers of a Negro.

"If this animal is to be referred to the quadruped or beast kind, it would most naturally be classed with the Ouran-outang, or Wild man of Africa: If with the bird kind, we shall be totally at a loss to assign the genus. For though it has a head and face not unlike the ouzel, or the owl, yet in the body it has no resemblance. Nevertheless we should certainly give it a place amongst fowls, were it not that it has ribs instead of the lamina, or side plates, which are peculiar to the winged race alone: as also, because we have reason to think it has an epiglottis, from the articulation of its sounds, by which it has come to imitate our speech, with a pronunciation not unlike that kind of brogue, which we remark in some of the west country Irish. It appears to want the ingluvies or craw; but has a gizzard, and digests its food by the dissolving power of the gastric juices.

"All things considered, we incline to think that it is an animal of a species wholly new, and of a middle nature between a bird and a beast; yet so widely differing from a bat, as not to be classed with it.

"This discovery leads to new and important considerations. We do not undertake to decide for the Society; but shall venture to suggest some particulars.

"This animal would seem to form the link between the brutal and the human species; being nearer to it in some particulars than the oran-outang itself; and especially in the evident articulation of certain sounds. Articulation was with the ancients, the distinguishing characteristic of the human kind. The poet Homer had the epithet frequently, Meropon, Anthropon, articulate, speaking men. Yet we find from this discovery, that articulation, at least to some extent, is not peculiar to man alone. This is an incidental characteristic, given by the poet; but the distinguishing mark has been given with more subtilty of observation, by the philosopher Plato; whose definition is that of Animal bipes implumis; a two legged, unfeathered animal: For though it might be contended with some plausibility, that this animal has two legs; yet it is evidently feathered; not indeed with the long and strong plumage of the ostrich, but with the down of a goose, or duck. This animal, like man, has not a tail. Nevertheless it has the os cocygis, or termination of the spinal bone, longer than in man; as was ascertained by one of us, who in the interval of his sleeping, felt his rump. Not that we would draw from this any conclusion in favour of the hypothesis of Monboddo, that men had once tails; but that in the scale of animals, there is a gradual nearing of distance, from having long tails, to the having no tail at all.

"The most important enquiry comes now to be investigated, namely whether this be an animal new to discovery, or actually new to the world, and just lately come into existence in the natural kingdom. No account of it having been heretofore given by any traveller in America, either from the information of the natives, or personal observation of their own, founds a strong presumption that it is of a novel breed of creatures; but that it is prepared to preserve its species, with a female, may be inferred, from the circumstance of nature having furnished it with testicles.

"The idea of original production, involves in the late hypothesis of Macilhattan, in his treatise, De Seminibus, that nature has within herself an aboriginal productive power; so that as some animals disappear from the earth, the Mammoth for instance, others spring up, that were never known before. Which hypothesis, by the bye, so far as respects the extinction of animals, receives considerable countenance from the ancient relations of the gorgon, the hydra, &c. and the less remote allusions to winged gryphins, orchs, &c. If this should be found to be the fact, it may be suggested whether it would be going too far to say, that it might be in the compass of human research to discover the subtil combination of causes and effects, necessary to the production of life, and the formation of a living creature; and that the time might not be far distant, when ingenious chymists might undertake and accomplish the analysis of matter, and synthesis of composition, so as to be able to make animals, to those who would bespeak them; as a workman would make articles of furniture for a hall or assembly room. This would save much expence, in feeding, and providing them for food, or for the purpose of labour, and burden. We have thought it sufficient to suggest this, and propose it to the industry and ingenuity of the learned in philosophic science."

So far the memoir.

The society expressed their approbation of it; and it was proposed to make a purchase of this animal, for the purpose of examining it more fully, in their own hall, and possibly of sending it to the societies abroad, for their examination also. This proposition was adopted, and the same members appointed to drive a bargain with the proprietors, for the subject of their show.

When the deputation came forward, and began to traffic with the keepers, proposing a purchase of the curiosity in their possession, the revenue officer, in the cage just by, raised what is called the Irish howl, in a most pitiable manner; recollecting what the Captain had told him on a former occasion, with regard to the use to which they would apply him, when they should get him in their power.

God love your shouls, my dear masters, said he, dat have taken me in de wild woods. I care not fat you make o'd me, a wild baste, or a turkey buzzard; or a fish o' de vater, while I gat good mate to ate, and clane straw to ly down upon; but for the sake o'd de holy faders, do not sell me to dese filosophers, dat will cut me up as you would a dead cat, and put my skin upon a pitchfork, just to plase deir own fancies; rader let me stay where I am, and show me to de good paple, dat gape and stare, but keep deir teeth in deir mouths, and luke foolish, but dont affer to bite.

The philosophers assured him, that his apprehensions were without foundation; having not the least intention of dissecting, at least until he died a natural death. Doubtless, it might be an object, to ascertain from the internal structure of the body, to what genus or class of animals he might belong: nevertheless, they were persuaded, the society would content themselves, with the observations drawn from external structure, at least for some time. On this, turning round to the proprietors, they resumed the conversation relative to a purchase; the supposed animal continuing to vociferate and roar horribly.

In the mean time, the affair of this wild man, beast, bird, fish, or whatever it was, began to make a noise in the town; the people who had come to see it, being divided in opinion; some believing it to be a monster, or new animal in creation; others disposed to be of opinion, and others confidently asserting, that it was a real man.

Coming to the ear of the chief justice of the state, it occurred to him, that if a man, the confining him in that manner was a restraint upon the liberty of the subject; and ought not to be permitted in a country where the laws govern. Accordingly, he had issued his writ of habeas corpus to the keepers, commanding them forthwith to bring before him, the animal in their possession, and to assign the cause of this detainer. The officer came forward at the moment the keepers were about to close the bargain with the philosophers, and showed his writ. They were obliged to obey; and came forward with their charge before the chief justice and associate judges, in open court then sitting, alleging property in themselves by caption, and employing counsel to support this allegation.

The court having assigned counsel to support the Habeas Corpus, the argument began: Counsellor Patch first.

May it please your honours,

I take this to be an animal in which there can be no property absolute of qualified, being feræ naturæ, or of an untamed nature, such as a panther or a buffalo; of which it is laid down no larceny can be committed, as not being the subject of property. 4 Black. 235; referring for authorities to 1 Hal. P. C. 511. Fost. 366. 1 Hawk. P. C. 94. Here counsellor Patch read the authorities.

Counsellor Catch in reply: But by the same authorities, it is laid down, that animals feræ naturæ, or wild, when reclaimed, or confined, and may serve for food, may be the subject of property, as deer inclosed in a park, fish in a tank, or pheasants or partridges in a mew.

But is it conceded, that this animal can serve for food? rejoined counsellor Patch.

The question to be considered in the first place, interrupted the chief justice, is whether this creature is of the brutal or the human kind. Speak to that point.

Counsellor Scratch, as amicus curiæ observed, that this being a question of fact, was most properly determinable by a jury.

Counsellor Patch thought not, as the trial by inspection in the case of infancy, which was within the province of the court, was analogous to this. The court were of opinion with counsellor Scratch, and proposed to the counsel for the thing in custody, to bring a writ de homine replegiando, or replevin, for the body of a man, as the proper writ to bring the case before a jury; or that an issue might be made upon the return to the habeas corpus, by consent; and in that shape let it be tried. It was agreed; property pleaded, the issue made up, and the jury about to be impannelled.

Counsellor Patch under the principle of an alien having a right to a jury de medietatæ linguæ, demanded, that the jury should consist of one half beasts.

Curia advisari vult, and in the mean time desired the counsel to search for precedents. No instance was found of the jury de medietatæ linguæ, being carried as far as this, and the motion was overruled.

The jury being now sworn, the counsel for the keepers, offered the two members of the philosophical society, who had examined him, to establish his brutality; this evidence was offered on the principle, that it was peculiarly within the province of their studies to ascertain a point of this nature, and were therefore the proper witnesses, as in a case within the custom of merchants, individuals of this occupation are usually called. According to the maxim of the civil law, Unicuique, in arte sua, perito credendum est.

Exception to this evidence, that they were interested, having had an eye to the purchase of this thing, and actually in negociation for it.

The objection was overruled, as going to the credibility, not the competency.

The witnesses were clear that this thing was not of the human race, though as to what class of brute animals it was to be referred, they were not yet prepared to decide.

To the weight of this evidence counsellor Catch opposed the evidence of nature itself; the thing had a human voice and speech, that of a west country Irishman; no instance of which was to be found in any natural historian that had ever written. He would call upon the gentleman to produce any authority to that effect.

Counsellor Patch, was not prepared with an authority to prove, that beasts had been found that could speak Irish; but that it was no uncommon thing in early ages, and in many countries, for beasts to speak some language; such as Latin, Greek; for which he might refer the gentleman to the Æsopi Fabulae, or those of Phedrus; nor was he without an authority at hand, to prove that even in more modern times, there were many beasts who could speak English; this authority was that well known book, The History of Reynard the Fox; which he now produced, and from which he read passages.

The court thought the authority in point, and the evidence not to be got over, and directed the jury to find accordingly; which they did, in favour of the keepers, and the Habeas Corpus was dismissed, and the thing remanded to custody.

The members after this, struck a bargain the more easily with the keepers; as they had been a good deal alarmed at the risk they had run of having this property taken from them. The Society after having retained the curiosity a year or so, and ascertained its structure and properties, proposed sending it to some of the foreign societies, who had expressed a wish to have an occular demonstration of it also. The preference was given to the societies in France; and it was accordingly shipped in a brig of Blair M'Clenachen, that was bound to Nantz. At this place on coming ashore, by rolling and tumbling in the ship, having worn off the tar and feathers from his backside, he was mistaken for a sans culotte; and the mob rising, broke the inclosure, and let him out. I have not heard whether he joined the army of the patriots, or is on his way home again to this country.

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CHAPTER XXV.

IN the mean time the opposition to the excise law, and disturbance in the survey, had alarmed the government. The militia had been called to suppress the insurrection. They had marched, and were within a short distance of the survey.

The Captain in the mean time having heard of this, and believing the army now to be within supporting distance, left the Marquis, and came to the village where the outrage had commenced. He was not wanting in explaining to the people, the illegality and great impolicy of their proceedings, as subversive of the government, and destructive of the first principle of a republican government.

His conduct, nevertheless, had been otherwise understood by the administration, and he was greatly obnoxious with the army and judiciary. When the troops had attained the point of destination, and the judicial examinations had been set on foot with regard to the conduct of individuals, it was always a principal question, What do you know of Captain Farrago? They had heard of his man Duncan, and thinking that he must be acquainted with the secrets of the Captain, orders were given to apprehend him, under the idea of a criminal.

The examinations were conducted with great despatch, many hands making light work, there being a vast number of assistant interrogators, and deposition-takers, in the capacity of journeymen, and apprentices. It was a good school for students of the law, and young clerks who came out on the expedition. It is true, they were not very capable of taking the true sense of what was stated in testimony, nor very careful to take down for and against; but the giving them a habit of asking questions, and spelling words was of more consequence to the public, than the doing justice to the people that had lived in a remote corner of the commonwealth.

Duncan having been arrested, was put under guard with several others. When he came to his examination, he was asked the following questions and made the following answers: Are you acquainted with John Farrago?

I hae a short acquaintance since I hae been in his service, about a month or twa.

Has he ever conversed with you on the subject of politics?

He wad na converse wi' me, he kens I dinna understand them.

Do you not know him to be an insurgent?

Indeed I dinna ken ony sik a thing. I believe he is no just vera right in the head, but I dinna believe he tuk any part in stirring up insurrection. He has gane about the kintra for some time past, in an odd way, wi' ane Teague O'Regan, an Irishman, that got to be a gauger, and came out to this kintra, to set up in the business, and made a' this broil; and since he parted wi' him, he has employed me in the like capacity, no much to my profit, if I am pursued, and put in fear o' my life and to hide three weeks in a glen for fear o' the mob, and now to be hanged for ha'ing been in the kintra; and what is mare, to be made a witness against the Captain, when I hae nathing to say o' him. The deel tak me, gin I swear a word to wrang my conscience. That is the short and the lang o'it. Sae ye need say na mare about it but gae to the examination o' some other body, for I hae told ye a' that I hae to say about it.

Duncan was dismissed, and the Captain himself; and falling into the hands of an assistant examiner of sense, his account and explanation was understood, and he acquitted from the suspicion of having swerved from the duty of a good citizen.

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CHAPTER XXVI.

IT may be asked, of what use, is a great part of the preceding book? Some things may have a moral and carry instruction to the mind. But a great part can have no meaning or effect; farther than to raise a laugh, or to make a person smile for a moment. That itself is something; and may conciliate the reader to what is more solid. An ingredient, not in itself savoury, may give a relish to substantial good. Asafoetida gives a flavour to a beef-steak.

Let me get a man to laugh, and I put him in a good humor. The whole book from beginning to end, has a moral, which, if any one has not found out, let him read again.

It may argue a light airy mind in the writer; and yet these things are sometimes the offspring, as in the present case, of a mind, far from being at ease; on the contrary, it is to get ease, and allay pain, that it is written.—Pain of mind is relieved by an abstraction of solid thought. The early paroxysm of deep grief, may be incompatible with a playful fancy; but gradually and insensibly, the heart-ache may be cheated of its sensations. What else effect has conversation or music? Neither of these can assuage great pain; or torture; but will be felt to alleviate, in a lesser degree of body or mind. The mind is drawn off, and kept from reflecting. We use laudanum to allay acute bodily pains; and it gives a pleasing delirium, and insensibility for a time. But in the case of mental suffering, it is much safer to attack the imagination by an intellectual paregoric. There is less danger that the use will grow to excess, and induce habit.

Scarron wrote his comical Romance under great bodily pain. But ease to the mind has been more frequently sought by the amusement of writing. It is a fortunate thing for the writers, that it keeps off hunger: for many of them in the garrets of cities, if we may believe themselves, while they lived, or their friends after they were dead, are reduced to short commons. Certain it is, that the occupation of the mind saves food. Literary men, are in general but small eaters. The spirits are exhausted in the thought of the brain, and are less active, in the juices of the stomach. So that from a man's eating I can give a pretty good guess, whether he thinks, or speaks most.

But it may be said, this book might have been written, from the motive suggested; but why let it go to the press? Because there is a pleasure in seeing what you have written appear in a book; and the correcting the proof sheets as you go along pleases. It is on the same principle that the child is delighted with its baby-house; the grown person with the gratification of his fancy in architectures or gardening. All the objects of men, are in great part to please the imagination. Utility is but one half. I admit at the same time, that he who comprises both, hits the nail on the head, and carries all votes. But it is even something to attain one of these.—This much it may suffice to say, as an apology for the publication.

But it may be said, why not cast the salt of your pleasantry upon some substantial food to the mind of a young person, and not upon vapour, which constitutes little nourishment? You would seem to be a moralist; and to have some knowledge of practical philosophy. Hence we should expect in your page, observations conducive to regulate life, and to form manners. If for instance you had taken a youth from his early age, and conducted him to manhood, insinuating by example, or precept, the best lessons, it might have been a school book. I answer; there has been a great deal in this way already; and my mind led me more to give lessons to grown people. Was I to set myself about such a work as is suggested; I do not know that I could mend the matter.—I believe, I would change a little the system of education; in one particular; but it might not be for the better. As already hinted by some things put into the mought of the Captain, I could make it a principal matter to form the heart to a republican government. And in order to this; keep out of view all that nourishes ambition, the poison of public virtue. "In honour preferring one another," is an apostolic, and christian injunction. But it is as wise in philosophy, as it is true in religion. Honour is the principle of monarchy, distinction of rank, titles, dignities. In the American republics, we retain yet a great deal of the spirit of monarchy. The people are not aware of the phraseology itself, in some instances. When an individual solicits a vote, his language is that he will serve the people. They take him at his word, and when he is sent to a public body, he is called their servant. He goes farther himself, and will talk of the majesty of the people.

No disgrace is supposed to attach itself to the soliciting votes, any more than petitioning the monarch for a place. This is not in the spirit of a republic. It is contrary to the nature of it; it is subversive of it. But I would begin at the foundation, by inculcating the folly of coveting a public appointment. The private interest of a man is better cultivated by staying at home. The first lesson I would give to a son of mine would be to have nothing to do with public business, but as a duty to his country. To consider service in civil life, no more to be desired than service in the military. In this last, there is danger of rheumatism, and ague; or of a wound, or of death in battle; but in civil trusts, there is danger of obloquy and disrespect.

But an individual that accepts a trust is no servant.—He is an agent, a delegate, a commissioner. Nor is a house of representatives the people. Nor can majesty be predicated of them. It is a monarchical phrase, and I would not apply it, even to the people themselves.

But take away the spring of ambition; that is, distinction, and preference; and you relax industry; you increase indolence. I grant it. But it saves the heart.—There may be less eminence; but there will be more goodness. It is on this principle that I condemn the distribution of honours in academies. It is beginning by corrupting the affections. It is planting the poison weed of ambition; the upas-tree that taints the breeze and kills the visitant. I shall have accomplished something by this book if it shall keep some honest man from lessening his respectability by pushing himself into public trusts for which he is not qualified; or when pushed forward into a public station, if it shall contribute to keep him honest by teaching him the folly of ambition, and farther advancement; when in fact, the shade is more to be coveted, and the mind, on reflection, will be better satisfied with itself for having chosen it. This is in great part, the moral of this book; if it should be at all necessary to give a hint of it. Will not an honest man feel compunction, when after some experience, he comes to look back, and see the mischief he has done in a public station; sapped, perhaps the foundations of the constitution; misled by the ambitions; when at the same time, he thought he was establishing the republic? Understanding is therefore requisite; not common sense merely; but knowledge of the subject. But what is knowledge without integrity? And how can there be integrity, where there is ambition? Is there not the ambition of doing good? I do not call that ambition. The praise of doing good? I do not even like the word, praise. I would say the pleasure of doing good. For it is the greatest possible pleasure to a mind rightly informed; properly cultivated, to have done good. A consciousness of this, consoles under public obloquy, and ingratitude.

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IN looking over what is written, it strikes me that by introducing Teague to the levee, I may be thought to mean a burlesque on the President. It is not so; I meant a burlesque on Teague. As to levee-holding, I do not know whether it is right or wrong; nor do I care. Because, be it as it may, I believe it can do little harm, and is one of those insipidities in the affairs of men which are of no account. Universal prudence is a characteristic of the President, with a capacity of attending to substantial business, and being able at the same time to accommodate himself to forms and ceremonies. As all mankind are not philosophers, perhaps it is well to possess this talent, in order to please them.

Observing several errors of the press, I had thoughts of giving a table of them. But I recollect that in other books, a table of this kind has appeared to me unnecessary.—Because the intelligent reader could in general himself see what were errors, and as to the unintelligent, it made no great odds, whether he did or not.

I have only farther to say at present, that I wish I could get this work to make a little more noise. Will nobody attack it and prove that it is insipid, libellous, treasonable, immoral, or irreligious? If they will not do this, let them do something else, praise it, call it excellent, say it contains wit, erudition, genius, and the Lord knows what! Will nobody speak? What? Ho! are ye all asleep in the hold there? Will none of you abuse, praise, reprobate, or commend this performance? It is ill usage; that is all I can say, and all that is necessary for the present.

BOOK IV.

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CHAPTER I.

Hiatus valde deflendus, multa desiderantur.

HERE is a great gap. Not a word said about the travels of the Captain, from the packing up of Teague, and sending him off to France, until after the termination of the French revolution, and the armistice or convention of Amiens. Though the fact is, that he had been, all this time, travelling, and Teague had rejoined him, in the capacity of pediseque, or foot-boy, as before. As to Duncan the Scotch waiter, he had, long since, left the service, and taken a job of weaving in the neighbourhood, and was doing well. The Captain had endeavoured to persuade him to take to preaching as many do in this country who are less qualified, but he refused, alleging, that though it was good work that pleased the customer, yet he had some scruples of conscience in undertaking the charge, not having been regularly called by ordination to the office.

Teague had been landed at Nantz, and being a real sans culotte, was liberated, as we have said, and caressed by the multitude. With considerable eclat, he made his way to Paris. We hear of him at a very early period as made use of, by Anacharsis Cloots, the orator of the human race; this was in a procession, in which representatives of all nations were introduced in their respective garbs, addressing the convention. Teague was in the character of an Esquimaux Indian, and passed his aboriginal Irish for the native dialect of that people. An Irish officer was present discovered the imposition, but the guillotine forbad him to speak, and he was silent.

This ultramarine person, (Teague) was a good deal distinguished during the reign of Robespierre, and was employed on many occasions, and discharged a variety of functions, so that though his morals were not much amended, nor his address much improved, yet he had contracted French phrases, and could interlard his dialect with a que voulez vous; and je demand pardon. At length he found himself in the conciergerie, a destination from which no talents, virtues, or even vices could exempt. And it was only on the fall of that monster of whom we have just made mention, that he was vomited with others from the caverns in which he had been secluded. How he ever got to America again it is difficult to say. We shall leave that to those who may take it from his own mouth the memoirs of his travels. It is sufficient for our purpose, that he did get back, and that he is once more in the train of the Captain. The fact is, that he had joined him in a most unexpected manner, in a short time after Duncan the Scotch servant had begged to be dismissed, and to apply himself to a profession more congenial with his education.

We shall go no farther back up the steps of the Captain, with the bog-trotter at his heels, than where we find them, within a mile, or less of the village where his home was, and where he had resided some years, before he had set out on his peregrinations. Passing through a wood just as he approached the town, he saw at some distance before him the semblance of men suspended on the limbs of trees, or at least the exuviæ of men, coats, waist-coats, breeches, and hats. What can this be, said the Captain? Is it probable that hearing of your return, Teague, the wags of the village have been making what are called paddies, and have set them up on these trees, knowing that this way we should come?

By St. Patrick, said Teague, but I will paddy dem wid dis shelalah. I will tache dem to make paddies, and hang dem up for sign posts in de wood here. Dis is not St. Patrick's day in de morning neider: bad luck to dem, it may be some poor fellow dat dey have hanged up in reality, for shape-stealing as dey do in Ireland.

I see nothing, said the Captain, but the emptyings of ward-robes, jibbeted through the grove: stretched on trees, or suspended from them, a phenomenon which I am unable to comprehend, or explain; for I see no corn growing underneath, from which, a priapus or scarecrow might affright the birds; nor can they be the vestments of people at work, near hand, or stripped to bathe, as I see no water pond or river, but a dry grove.

The fact is, these habiliments were of the people of the town, who had hung them to the dew, in order to take off the musk of a pole-cat which had affected them from the perfusions of one of these animals. For, not long before this, a typographist had set up a paper in the village and in the capacity of the editor had chosen to assume the symbol, or hieroglyphic of the Porcupine. A happy nature had fitted him for a satyrist, and felicity of education was not wanting to qualify him for the office. He had not the pleasantry of Horace, nor the pungency of Juvenal, but an original stricture of his own that supplied the place of them. The truth is he had been bred in the baracks, and had at his finger ends, the familiar phrases of the common soldiery, with that peculiar species of wit, which is common with that occupation of men, and in that grade. Doubtless we see something like it in the plebeians of all classes and denominations: The women that sell fish at a certain stand in London, have a species of it known by the name of Billingsgate, either because there is a gate of that name near the place, or formerly was one. The miners and coal heavers have a good deal of it. The scavengers and chimney sweepers are adepts, though without the least scholastic education, or knowledge of letters. I have known even in our own country, where we are remote from the seats of the muses, a good deal of it possessed, by way travellers, or boat men on our rivers; a kind of unshackled dialect; fettered by no rule of delicacy, or feeling of humanity. I have been turning in my mind what word in our English language, best expresses it, and I have found it to be that which has been given it by Thomas Paine, black-guardism. The editor of the Porcupine had scored the village not a little. I do not say rubbed. For that is the translation of the phrase of Horace: urbem defricuit; and conveys the idea of tickling, and causing a sensation pleasant, yet hurting a little. That was not the case here. For what man without indignation and bitter resentment, can bear the touch of the slanderer, more especially if that slander is of a private, and domestic nature, and alludes to what cannot be explained or defended? Not that it is true, but a man in the just pride of standing in society, would scorn to appeal to the public or bring it before a court!

There was in the village a man of understanding, and sensibility, who had been the subject of caricature, and not chusing for reasons that weighed with himself, to take it in good part, thought of retaliation. But what could he do? The same language was unbecoming a gentleman. The like strictures of foibles or of faults on the part of an adversary, could only become the character of a subordinate. Nor was it so much his object to repress the licentiousness of this buffoon as to correct the taste and judgment of the public who did not all at once distinguish the impropriety of countenancing such ribaldry.

With a view to this, having taken a pole-cat on the mountains, he had put it in a cage and hiring an office contiguous to that of Porcupine, he kept it there, suffering the boys of the village to provoke it, and the dogs to bark at it through the bars. It was in vain to complain; the owner called himself Paul Pole-cat, and when Porcupine expostulated and justified his gall on the freedom of the press, Paul fortified himself on the liberty of the express.

But it was not Porcupine alone, nor his unoffending wife and family that had reason to complain of this nuisance. The children running home to their parents, and the dogs with them brought the perfume to the houses of the village. The wearing apparel of almost every one was affected with the musk: the women buried their dresses, the men in some instances did the like, and in others, hung them up to the action of the air, and the dews of the adjoining wood.

The vestiges of these were the phenomena, which the Captain saw in his approach to the town.

He had now got within sight of the main square, when a tumultuous assembly struck his eye; some with fists raised; others with sticks, and all in a menacing attitude. He could also hear tongues of people altercating with one another and using opprobrious epithets.

The fact was that the village had become divided. Those who had been the subjects of the obloquy of Porcupine, justified the emission of the cats, and were of opinion that the one had as good a right to be borne as the other. Counsel had been taken and learned opinions given. But this making the matter no better, the dissention had increased, and the people had come together in a rage.

Teague at a distance seeing this, stopped short; said he, what means all dis paple in de street? It is as bad as St. Anthony in Paris, or de place de greve where dey have de gillotine. De devil burn me if I go farther, 'till your honor goes on and sees what is de matter.

The Captain advancing to the populace was recognized by them, and his appearance contributed not a little to a longer suspension of hostilities.

Countrymen and fellow-citizens, said he, is this the satisfaction that I have, in returning amongst you after an absence of several years, to see man armed against man, and war waged not only in the very bosom of the republic, but in the village which I have instructed by many precepts? What can be the madness that possesses you? are not the evils of life sufficient? but you must increase them by the positive acts of your own violence! You cannot wholly preserve yourselves at all times free from the maladies of the body, or the distresses of the mind. But it is in your power greatly to assuage these, by the virtues of temperance and moderation. What fury can prompt you, to this degree of apparent resentment, and approaching tumult? Is it local or general politics? Is it any disagreement with regard to your corporate interests, or is religion the cause? Has any flagrant instance of moral turpitude, or exceeding knavery in an individual, roused you to this excess of violence, and exclamation?

Captain, said a middle aged man stepping forward, companion of his years, and who had long lived with him in the village, It is not only pleasing to see you return in apparent good health, but more especially, at this particular moment when your interference cannot but be of the greatest use, to the citizens; not only on account of that confidence which they have in your judgment and discretion, of which they have a lively recollection; but as they must naturally think that your travelling must have given you knowledge, and brought you home full fraught with learning and information. Your humanity is also well remembered by them; that man, woman or child was never injured by you, in life, estate, or reputation; that on the contrary, it was always your study to do good, and compose differences. Now a misfortune has happened to the village; if I can call it a misfortune, which was at first thought a good; a printer came to this place and set up a paper, or gazette, by taking subscriptions from those that were willing to give them. His device was the Porcupine; scarcely a month had gone over his head before he began to lampoon; searching into the secrets of families, and publishing matters of individuals, with which, whether true or false, the public had nothing to do; and this in so low and disorderly a manner, that the more intelligent have disapproved of it; but the bulk read, and it seems to increase rather than curtail his subscribers. A young man on the other hand that has had an academic education, meaning to burlesque his manner of writing, having gone to the mountain with a dog, or a trap, and having taken a pole cat, he puts the beast in a cage; hires that frame building that you see, one story high, and but a room on a floor, and calls it his office. Here he places the pole-cat with a man to attend it. What a running of boys; what a barking of dogs we have had! and when the children run home, and the dogs after them; what a putting of the hand upon the nose, by the servant girls and the mistresses, at the smell that accompanies! The young man justifies himself under the pretence that it is but retaliation of the odor that proceeds from the press of Porcupine; for, as this affects the organ of smelling, that disgusts the judgment of the mind. The people are divided, as will always be the case, if for no other cause, yet for the sake of division; because the pride of one man forbids him to think just as another does. The adversaries of the opposum, or what else it is, insist that it shall be put down as a nuisance, and have met with clubs, staves and knives, to carry the threat into execution. The advocates of the animal on the other hand have convened to oppose them.

But said the Captain, did I not leave you a regular corporation? Have you not power to make bye laws? and is not this done upon notice given by the chief or assistant burgesses? Why such hurry scurry as this? Moreover it is a weighty question that agitates the public mind; question of right: and where the rights of the citizen come in question, I hold it a most delicate thing to decide; in a free government, more especially, where the essence of liberty is the preservation of right; and is the right of conscience, the right of property, and the right of reputation. This is a right of property; for if this animal which is feræ naturæ, has been reclaimed by the owner, he has a right, to put it to such use as suits his trade, or accords with his whim, provided that it does not affect the rights of others. The limit, boundary, or demarcation of this use, is a question of wise discussion and examination; and not in a tumultuous assembly, heated not with wine, but with the ardency of their own spirits. I advise therefore, and so far as my weak judgment deserves to be regarded, would recommend, that each man lay down his shelelah, baton, or walking stick, and retire for the evening; and convene to-morrow in a regular town meeting, where the adversaries and advocates on both sides may have an opportunity of being heard. To-morrow when ye meet with the chief burgess in the chair, to keep order, and preserve decorum, assign the proper times of speaking, and call to order on a deviation from the subject, as is usual in deliberative assemblies, the business can be taken up and conducted as is proper in town meetings. I am now just from my journey; somewhat fatigued; but more moved by the consideration that I am on horse-back, and it is not becoming that I take a part in your debates as if my horse were to speak also; for though it is true that some of you may speak with perhaps as little sense as he could, were he to open his mouth and attempt utterance; yet the decency of the thing forbids, and even the exercise of the right might be questioned; for the faculty might exist, yet he could not be considered as legitimately franchised to this privilege, at least not having a right to vote in town meetings. For though in the Congress of the United States, the representatives of the territories, not yet organized into independent states, and made regular members of the Union, have a right to speak, but not to vote, this is not to be drawn into precedent in subordinate corporations; for that is a special provision of the constitution. And it is even indecorous for myself to sit here and speak, mounted, as occupying a more elevated station; and should I descend from my cavalry, my servant you see yonder, is kept at bay, by an apprehension of your swords, and refuses to come up, so that I am without an attendant to hold the beast; all things considered therefore, I move a chairman not being appointed, who might put the question, that you adjourn, and dissolve until to-morrow about this time, when the matter may be taken up as we now have it, and the affair canvassed as becomes members of the same community, and inhabitants of the same village.

It cannot be difficult to conceive that these words had a favourable effect upon the audience; as oils compose a storm. For as the waves of the ocean rise and fall suddenly, so the passions of men; and in no instance more than where they are just coming to blows. Approaching anger disposes to peace, every one having felt half a blow already on his head; and the difficulty only is to get an excuse, for returning, or sheathing the weapon. They are much obliged to a man that counsels concord; and advises the putting down the brickbat, or putting on the coat. Even in dueling it holds the same, and the principal is a friend to the second ever after, that manages the matter so wisely that no blood is shed.

It was moved and seconded that in the mean time, the keeper, or as he called himself, the editor of the pole-cat, should keep his charge within the claustrum, or bars of his cage, and covered with a matting, so that access might not be had to him, by man or beast, or egress on his part, of that offensive odour, which had been the cause of the disturbance. This, the partizans of the skunk were willing to admit and sanction with their acquiescence, on condition, nevertheless, that the Porcupine in the mean time, should also restrain his quills; in other words, suspend the effusions of his press, and cease to distribute papers for a day or two during the pendency of the debate. This was thought reasonable, and carried by the multitude holding up their hands.

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CHAPTER II.

CONTAINING PROCEEDINGS OF THE TOWN MEETING.

THE day following, a meeting being held, and the chief burgess in the chair, an advocate of Porcupine took the ground and spoke.

Gentlemen, said he, the press is the palladium of liberty.—"The image that fell down from Jupiter." The freedom of the press is essential to liberty. Shackle the press, and you restrain freedom. The constitutions of the states have provided that the press shall be free. If you muzzle this, you may as well muzzle the mouth of man.

It is not the freedom of the press, said one interrupting him, it is the abuse of it that is in question.

The chief burgess called to order, and the speaker went on.

That is the point, said he, to which I meant to come. What shall be said to the abuse of the press? In order to determine this, we must consider its use. This is,

1. The amusement of the editor. For as some men amuse themselves shooting, fishing, or chasing wild beasts, so men of literary taste, find their recreation in penning paragraphs for a paper, sometimes containing information, or observations on the state of empires and the characters of men; at other times by descending, or not rising at all, but confining themselves to the subordinate affairs of individuals, and private persons.

2. The profit of the editor: and this depends on the number of subscribers. It is not every one that has a taste for refined writing. Guts and garbage delight bears; and swine swill the trough in preference to the running stream. Scurrility is the gout of many. Nay it is the more prevailing taste;

To all the truth it sees or hears;
But swallows nonsense and a lie,
With greediness and gluttony."

In Britain, or some other countries, delicacy may succeed. But the coarse stomachs of the Americans crave rather indelicacy and indecency, at least a portion of it. Rough like their own woods, and wild beasts, they digest scurrility.

Well said Porcupine! said a pole-cat man, taking the ground in his turn: well said. But this furnishes a ground to justify the introduction of the pole-cat. Your talk of the freedom of the press. Here is the freedom of the express. Nay the word expression which is common to both institutions, the artificial one of the types, and the natural one of the cat, shows the original to be similar, and the comparison to run on all fours. If the ink cast into black letter, and carrying with it pain and pungency from the ideas communicated, is tolerated; much more the volatile alkali of the animal that is now set up, is to be borne, as not more offensive to body or mind. Shall the bark of trees made into powder, and this powder into a liquid, impregnated with thought, and put upon paper, and carried to the press, be accounted harmless, notwithstanding the violence of the decoction, yet the wild cats that inhabit those trees, and are denizens of the forest, be prohibited because of a bag under their tails which contains an unsavory distillation, and may occasionally be spurted upon men?

A lawyer spoke up on the part of Porcupine. The principles of the common law embrace this case. It is unlawful to exercise trades in towns that occasion noisome smells; they are abateable as nuisances.

Grant it, said a juris consult on the pole-cat side; but when it is in retaliation, or in self-defence against an editor whose defamation is more offensive to the feelings of the mind, than the hogo of a civet to the sense of smelling; or when it is used in burlesque, and by way of analogy and symbol to explain the impropriety of encouraging personal abuse, by taking papers, it may correct by leading to reflection. The mind may be insensible to abstract lessons, but a paradigm, or object set before it may affect. As to this man exercising his trade by the smell of a cat, it is an occupation which can be carried on to advantage only in a town; for it is in towns chiefly that editors assemble; and it is by setting up under our noses, and affecting the readers, that the impression is made. For if the public will receive libels into their houses for the use of themselves and families gossip and slander, let them take a little of this hartshorn with it and if they will have the one bear the other. A ground of the common law is general reason adapted to particular cases. I grant that it even goes so far as to make the keeping hogs in a pen near my window, in towns, a nuisance; but this is a town incorporated, and can by a bye law regulate new trade. I hold it to be a matter of vote whether this quadruped shall be tolerated or excluded.

The advocate for the press rejoined. The common law, said he, protects the press. It is the right of the tongue transferred to the hand: it ought to be as free as the air that we breathe: The privilege as unfettered as the organs of articulation. But what is there in the common law to protect from the aspersion of this animal?

The pole-cat man replied. It is on principle and by analogy, said he, that it is protected. Does not the law of water courses apply to this? If a man divert a stream from my meadow, or obstruct one running through it, so as to dam it up, and drown the grass, have I not a remedy? Shall this man at much expense and charge bring a beast from the mountains, tame it, or reduce it under his dominion, and apply it to a purpose in civilized and domestic life, and shall we say that the common law does not protect him in the enjoyment of its musk?

The advocate of the side of Porcupine rejoined. So use your own, said he, that you trespass not upon another man's. If you keep your smell, and hogs at home to your own nose, there is no objection. But in the nature of the thing it cannot be; for the air is the natural conductor; and therefore it cannot but exist a nuisance.

Surrejoinder; but after all, is it more a nuisance than the press, which it has in view to correct?

At this instant a commotion was perceivable amongst the multitude; not on account of what was said, or meaning any disturbance like debate; but the rumour was that a fresh cat had been brought from the hills above the town, and was on its way to the college-man who had offered a reward for an additional puss to increase his stock; and as it was conjectured, meant to play it off under the pretext that the prohibition contained in the armistice extended only to the individual beast that he had before in his possession.

The Captain, at this, rising, said: young man, This is not fair. It is within the reason, if not the express words of the convention, that all annoyances by steam, vapour or effluvia proceeding from a pole-cat shall be suspended during the pendency of this question; and it is an evasion to substitute another badger, and by that means attempt to elude the stipulation.

The Pole-cat man got up to explain. It is far from me, said he, to elude or evade the performance of the stipulation. The fact is, that hearing, a day or two ago, that Porcupine was about to enlarge his sheet, and for that purpose had employed a journeyman, more, I thought it not amiss to extend the scale of my vapour and employ two conduits instead of one. For that purpose had sent to the woods, for another cat, which is now on the way, but in a leathern bag by my directions, and not to have regress, or egress, until this assembly shall dissolve, nor for a reasonable time after, that eundo, and redeundo, or going as well as coming, you may be safe let what will be the issue of the controversy; whether I am to break up stock, or be suffered to go on.

This explanation gave satisfaction, and composed the assembly.

Another speaker had now occupied the ground. I cannot say the floor, for there was no floor. I am, said he, for supporting the press. The objection is, that it is a blackguard press. But while there are blackguards to write, must they not have a press? Is it only men of polished education that have a right to express their sentiments? Let them write in magazines, or have gazettes of their own, but not restrict the right that people of a more uncultivated understanding have to amuse themselves and others with their lucubrations. You call us the Swinish Multitude, and yet refuse us the food that is natural to us. Are there not amongst us those that have no relish for the disquisitions on the balance of power or form of governments, agricultural essays, or questions of finance; but can comprehend and relish a laugh raised at the expense of the master of a family; or a public character in high station; if for no other reason, but because it gratifies the self-love of those who cannot attain the same eminence? Take away from us this, and what have we more? What is the press to us, but as it amuses?

I think, said another rising, that the gentleman means to be ironical. But let us take the matter seriously. I am on the same side with him, but not for the same reasons. I take it, that scurrility may be useful to those that hear it, and are the subjects of it. It may bring to a man's knowledge and serve to correct foibles that he would not otherwise have been conscious of. Men will hear from the buffoon or jester, things they would not take from a friend, and scarcely from a confessor. It was on this principle that in the middle ages of Europe, a profession of men was indulged, in the houses of the great, called Joculators. So late as the time of James I. we had one of these of the name of Archy. The Duke of Buckingham having taken offence at something that he said, had him whipped. It was thought beneath a man of honour to have taken notice of it, and inflicted punishment. I consider the bulk of our editors as succeeding to the joculators of the early periods; and as the knights of character and dignity of those times were not bound to notice the follies, however gross of jesters; so now a gentleman is not bound to notice the defamation of gazettes: nay, as in the former instance, it was deemed uncourteous, and unbecoming to resent what the fool said, so now what a printer chooses to publish. Selden in his table-talk remarks, "That a gallant man, is above ill words. We have an example of this in the old Lord of Salisbury, who was a great wise man. Stone had called some lord about the Court, fool. The Lord complains and has Stone whipped. Stone cries, I might have called my Lord of Salisbury often enough, fool, before he would have had me whipped." As in the case of the Merry Andrew, even when there was no wit, it was taken for wit; so now, when an editor means to divert, however dull his abuse, it ought to be the mode to laugh, to keep those who know no better in countenance.

The Captain rising and putting himself in the attitude of speaking, seemed to claim the attention of the audience. I would wish to know, said he, how the ancients managed these matters: in the republics of Greece and Rome especially. For since I have been abroad, and heard public speeches, I find that it is no unusual thing to draw illustrations from the sayings and doings of antiquity. In deliberative assemblies talking of governments, they tell you of the Amphytrionic Council; the Achean league, the Ionian confederacy. What was the freedom of the press at Athens, or at Rome?

The fact is, said an academician, there was no press at these places, or in these times. The invention of printing is of a later date. But they had what they called the style, and they impressed their thoughts upon wax. They made use of ink in copying upon vellum and parchment. But notwithstanding the want of a press, they were not without satyric salt in their writings. Nor are we to suppose that they were altogether free from what we denominate scurrility. They could call a spade a spade. Aristophanes was a blackguard. His comedy of the clouds is a sufficient specimen. Lucilius, amongst the Romans, was a rough man. Cum lutulentus flueret, &c. Do we suppose that nature was not then the same as it is now? On board the Roman gallies was there no low humour? In the Roman camps none? In the Forum no occasional ribaldry? Would not this naturally get up into higher walks? Would not this creep into corporations? sometimes in verse; sometimes in prose. The poet speaks of Fesscenine verses. Amongst the Romans the Saturnalia, or days of Saturn, became a festival, in which it was allowable to exercise their faculties in all intemperance of language.

This is all wide of the question, said an unlearned man, holding his hand upon his nose—It is, shall we tolerate the pole-cat in this village?—For maugre all the pains that may have been taken to restrain the pett, and confine it by a matting, I feel a portion of the fetor this very moment, come across my nose, by a puff of wind from that quarter, where it is. I move that the question be taken, whether, whatever becomes of the press, the nuisance of this beast, be suffered in the vicinity. For what can a newspaper do, compared with this? It is sent us and we read the publication. But this is involuntary, on our part, and there is no saving ourselves from the exhalation.

I move the previous question said a friend to the baboon; I move that the press be put down.

There is hardship both ways, said an elderly inhabitant. In a community different interests will exist. Family interests; family attachments; party conceptions; and party interests. To have a printer all on one side, is an inequality. What if we prevail upon the owner, or as he would call himself the publisher of the pole-cat, to give up or sell out his establishment, dismiss the wild beast, or return it to the mountains, and institute in its place, a counter press of types and black-ball that may be a match for Porcupine.

The Captain, rising hastily; a thing unusual with him; for he was naturally grave and sedate; but suddenly feeling the impulse of the congruity, he started from his seat, and seconded the proposition of another press; for said he, the very kind of editor qualified for such a press is at hand; a waiter of mine. A bog-trotter, taken, not on the Balagate, but, on the Irish mountains: an aboriginal of the island; not your Scotch-Irish, so called, a colony planted in Ulster, by king James the first of England, when he subdued the natives; but a real Paddy, with the brogue on his tongue, and none on his feet; brought up to sheep-stealing from his youth; for his ancestors inhabiting the hills, were a kind of free-booters, time immemorial, coming down to the low grounds, and plundering the more industrious inhabitants. Captured by traps set upon the hills, or surrounded in the bogs, attempting his escape, he had been tamed and employed, many years, digging turf, before he came to my hands. I bought him from an Irish vessel, just as a curiosity, not that I expected much service from him; but to see what could be made of a rude man by care and patience. The rogue has a low humour, and a sharp tongue; unbounded impudence. And what may be a restraint upon the licentiousness of his press, should he set up one, he is a most abominable coward; the idea of cudgelling will keep him in bounds; should he over-match Porcupine, and turn upon his employers. He has all the low phrases, cant expressions, illiberal reflections, that could be collected from the company he has kept since he has had the care of my horse, and run after my heels in town and country for several years past. What is more, he has been in France, and has a spice of the language, and a tang of Jacobinism in his principles, and conversation, that will match the contrary learning carried to an exorbitant excess in Porcupine. I do not know that you can do better than contribute to a paper of his setting up. He may call it the Mully-Grub, or give it some such title as will bespeak the nature of the matter it will usually contain.

The academician at this came forward. I am far, said he, from a disposition to spoil sport; but when the useful is mixed with the jest, I count every point gained.

Omne tulit punctum—

I had never intended more, said the pole-cat man, than to reach the sensations of the multitude, and bring them to their senses. It is only by an appeal to the sense of feeling that the mind sometimes can be awakened. The public have now some idea that the licentiousness of the press, is not more a nuisance in the moral, than offensive smells are in the physical world. I agree that the cat be removed, and as a substitute, shall subscribe to the Mully-Grub.

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CHAPTER III.

THE day after the town meeting, the Captain began to reflect, that he could not avoid being implicated in the character of the paper about to be established. O'Regan was known to be his servant; at least to be under his influence, and he would be considered the real editor; Teague the ostensible, and though the fact was known at home, that he had nothing to do with it, yet abroad, it would bear a different construction, and refutation would be difficult. Having supported the character of a gentleman, and being still willing to support that character, how could he endure to have the volumes of scurrility, that would appear, imputed to him; or supposed to be admitted with his approbation? Uneasy with this upon his mind, he could see no way to get out of the labyrinth in which he had involved himself, by inadvertently proposing Teague. He thought it however his duty, and that he was bound in honour to disclose to the bog-trotter, the office to which he was destined. Maintaining good faith, he was unwilling to make use of his influence to dissuade from the undertaking; or to deter by representing the danger that existed, and the consequences that might ensue. This he could easily have done, by suggesting the guillotine, or even a cudgelling, the more common mode of punishment, in this republic. But good faith forbade.

But what was the amazement of every one, when news was brought, that Porcupine, had decamped in the mean time! Whether it was that the talents of Teague had been magnified, and he did not choose to engage in competition with one so much his superior, lest he should lose by comparison, the reputation he had acquired; or what is more likely, the constables were after him for debt, his press and types having been seized the day before, and sold for rent, and new demands, of a smaller nature coming against him, fines and penalties also hanging over him for libels; and damages recoverable in actions of defamation; but so it was, that he had disappeared.

The Captain was relieved from the embarrassment which he had endeavoured to conceal, because he now saw a way open to set aside the idea of a press, which he had reason to apprehend his bog-trotter would not be competent to conduct with reputation.

Townsmen, and fellow-citizens, said he, seizing the first opportunity to speak, the reason has ceased upon which we had proposed to act: the setting up of the bog-trotter in the capacity of an editor as a match for Porcupine, for he has disappeared; and what need we buff at the bear when there is no bear to buff at? Unless indeed we could set him up, expecting from him a chaste and pure paper containing solid information, and strictures useful to the republic. But that from his education and manners, we have no reason to expect. It is true, if he had sense to collect the ideas, and give them expression, he has had opportunities to observe what if known and digested, might essentially serve to preserve from extremes in a free government. He has seen the folly of the people of France, if, those occasionally thrown into the representative assemblies, could be called the people. He has seen the folly of these in reducing all things to the first elements instead of accommodating to existing establishments; of deracinating from the foundation church and state, and bandying the term liberty until ignorance and usurpation terminated in despotism. For though at the commencement of a revolution, active and uninformed spirits, are useful, or perhaps absolutely necessary, like the subterranean fire throwing up continents; yet as in this case, the fostering dews, and the breath of the atmosphere, are necessary, to give soil and impregnate with vegetation; so after the stirrings of men's minds, with a political convulsion, deliberate reason, and prudent temperament are necessary, to preserve what is gained, and turn it to advantage. But this sans culotte, for so he was called in France; and well he might; for he was without femorals when he went away, and when he came back; this sans culotte, is not a Mirabeau. He has kept no journal: he has made no observations except of mens' heads chopped off by the guillotine. He has brought back little with him, but ce que dit; que ce vous la; donnez moi, and such like. I think we are well off with him and let him go to his vocation.

OBSERVATIONS

THE preceding chapters were written some years ago, while an editor of the name of Cobbet, published a paper under the title of "Porcupine." But the breaking up of that paper in a manner similar to that just stated, prevented the going on with the allegory, or the handing to the public by the way of the press, in some shape, the pamphlet begun. Some time since, the appearance of a certain Callender, in a paper under the title of the Recorder, had induced me to look at what I had intended for Porcupine, and to think of continuing it to some point and winding up of the story; but the man drowning himself, or being drowned by accident, stopped me in my intention, as it would be like throwing water on a dead, or as the proverb is, a drowned rat, to say any thing that had a relation to him.

But having a little leisure on my hands, and in warm weather liking light work, I amused myself with saying some things that were on my mind on other subjects, and I thought I would make this which I had already written, the introduction. For the fact is, that I mean this tale of a Captain travelling, but as a vehicle to my way of thinking on some subjects; just as the ancients introduced speakers in a dialogue, occasionally at banquets; or as the philosophers in their walks and conversations, moralized in parables, and feigned cases, a way of reasoning, and address less offending the self-love of men than what has the appearance of immediate and direct instruction. Nor will the publication of the foregoing hints on the illiberality of the press, be thought, even now, altogether useless; for though, since the death, or departure, of the two monsters just named, there has been an ebb of this flood of scurrility, yet dropping the figure, the American press, has not been wholly free from the stains of the like paragraphs. The application therefore may not be wholly without an object, and in the painting there may be seen some existing resemblances. For though, as the almanac-makers say, "it is calculated for a particular meridian, yet it may without sensible variation, serve other latitudes." No man can have a higher opinion of the dignity of station occupied by the editor of a paper under a free government, than I have. I think it one of the most honourable, as well as the most useful in society. I am unwilling therefore that it be degraded, and I am happy to observe that the example of the two monsters mentioned, has had the effect to disgust the public.

I take the pulpit, the courts of judicature, and the press, to be the three great means of sustaining and enlightening a republic. The Scripture is replete with the finest sayings of morality. With a scholar of the Latin and Greek school, it is delightful to quote in conversation, or writing, the classical sentences of antiquity, aptly applying them to the occasion: enriching the discourse with apposite thoughts; pleasing the hearer, or the reader, and doing credit to the person himself; drawing out from his treasury things new and old. But these writings of an oriental cast, contain pithy observations upon life and manners, than which there can be nothing more delightful to remember and quote, and more profitable to carry into practice. Reading the Scriptures by young people; hearing them explained and introduced by quotation, sermon and lectures from the pulpit, raises the affections to virtue, and helps the judgment in the conduct of life.

The courts of judicature, are a school of justice and honor.—A great ground of the law, are the principles of universal justice. The discussion of council; the verdicts of juries; the decision of the courts, have respect to the great principles of moral honesty. But the sphere is confined, compared with that of the press, which has an extensive range; and for this reason ought to preserve the greater delicacy in language and sentiment. Even the war of the sword has its laws.—It is not allowable to poison springs, or the means of life. In a paper war nothing is justifiable that does not tend to establish a position, or determine a controversy; that which outrages humanity, is the cruelty of a savage who puts to death with torture, or disfigures, to gratify revenge.

To know what may be said in a paper, or in what manner it may be said, the editor whom the public alone knows, need only consider what would become a gentleman to say, in promiscuous society. Whether conversing in the manner he writes, or in which, what is inserted, is written, he would be heard with respect, and treated with civility. Good breeding is as necessary in print as in conversation. The want of it equally entitles to the appellation of an ill-bred man. The press can have no more licence than the tongue. At the tribunal of common sense, it has less, because an expression might escape a man, which might receive pardon, or excuse, as the offspring of inadvertance; but writing is deliberate, and you may turn back and strike out the allusion, or correct the term.

National character is interested in the delicacy of the press. It is a disgrace to a people to have amongst them volumes of scurrility circulated through their post-offices, with a peculiar privilege of centage, placed upon the benches in our public houses or sent home to our private dwellings.

Is this occupation to which it ought to be an honour to belong; to which a father would wish to put a son, having educated him with the best advantages, and giving him, as he had thought, a duty as sacred as the priesthood, and with a more exclusive sphere of action than the barrister; having it in high commission by the constitution of his country, "to canvass the conduct of men in public offices," and inform the public, "where the matter is proper for public information."

It does not follow, that because a man takes a paper, that he approves of all that is in it. It is certainly censurable to continue our subscription to a paper, the prevailing tenor of which is defamatory of individuals; but were we to reject a paper because it is occasionally so, there are few papers that we should take at all. The American press, has been abominably gross, and defamatory, and there are few publications of this nature, that have been at all times unexceptionable. A man will be astonished sometimes to hear of himself, or of others, what has not the slightest foundation, but in the invention of the paragraphist. There may be some prototype, filmy origin to the unsubstantial fabric; perhaps not even a vapour, but in the breath of the defamer. Is the assassin odious, and not the author of anonymous abuse? Yet such is the error of opinion with some, that they think it not dishonourable to attack anonymously. It is cowardice in a free country, where the law is equal; where no Cæsar exists to make it necessary to conceal the author of the pasquinade. A brave man will scorn subterfuge and shade. An honest man will avow himself and his opinions.

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CHAPTER IV.

NOTWITHSTANDING the Captain thought he had got quit of Teague, in the matter of the press, he had still some trouble; for the bog-trotter was dissatisfied. He had a hankering after the editorship, and talked of taking up subscriptions. To put him off, the Captain suggested the publishing his travels. Teague, said he, if many a man had what you have in your power, he would make a fortune by it. You have been in the Conciergerie. That, of itself, might make a chapter that would fill a volume. If you take up subscriptions, why not for such a work as that? It will sell for a ready penny these times; I would advise you to go about it.

Och, on my shoul, said Teague, but it would make a book as big as the praists' bible, if I was to tell all dat I saw on toder side de great water. In dat great country, old France; where de paple talk all at once wid de brogue on deir tongues, and say nothing. The devil burn me, but deir foutres, and parbleus, would make a book, as big as a church staple.

Well done Teague, said the Captain; you must then set about it. The first thing it will behoove you to consider, is the manner in which it will be written; whether your narration shall be in the first person, as, "I did this," and "I did that;" or whether in the third person, as it were one speaking of you, as, "O'Regan having done so, and made an observation to this effect." And whether it shall be in the way of continued narrative, with chapters, or in the shape of a journal, or be cast in the way of letter. For all these modes of writing are used as best suits the traveller; or may be thought most pleasing to the reader. One advantage you will have, that you need not stick pertinaciously to the truth; for travellers have a licence to deviate; and they are not considered as on oath, or upon honour in giving their accounts. Embellishment is allowable; some illumination of the narrative: though, confining yourself to the truth strictly, I make no doubt, your story will be sufficiently extravagant, and of course border on the marvellous.

The fact was, that the bog-trotter had incidents sufficient to enliven his history. He had been in the suit of Anacharsis Cloots, and personated an Esquimaux Indian; he had been taken up in a balloon some distance from the earth, and let down by a parachute, instead of a sheep. It is true, this was not with his own consent, but by force; the Parisian thinking it of little account whether the experiment was made with him or a less valuable animal. It is true, to make amends for this, a royalist lady fell in love with him, thinking he had a resemblance to the young duke of Orleans. He had made a fortunate escape in the conciergerie. A prisoner in the next cell, No. 1, finding the letter G put upon his door, which stands for guillotine; exchanged for a few louis's with O'Regan, 2. But an order came to reprieve No. 1, and to take No. 2, meaning the bog-trotter. The consequence was, that the Frenchman was put into the cart, and our sans culotte escaped.

It would make a book to exhaust these particulars, and many more that occurred. The Captain having recommended the work, was concerned to have it accomplished with some credit to those concerned, and therefore thought it adviseable to give the author some hints before he entered on the task.

Teague, said he, the first thing to be thought of, is a place to write. The extremes are two, the cellar, and the garret. The cellar was chosen by an orator of Greece, to write his orations, or at least prepare for the writing them; for in this, he is said to have copied over eight times the history of Thucydides. Whether it is the darkness, or the solitude of the cavern, that is congenial to the talent of writing, may be a question. I should think, however, that the ærial mansion of a garret is most favourable to the lighter species of writing such as madrigals; or paragraphs in magazines, or novels. But as yours is a serious work, it may be above the subterranean, and below the firmament. Perhaps a middle story may suffice. It will depend, however, on your head. If you find yourself light, go down; if heavy, mount; and thus adjust your apartment to your feelings. The wasps choose the garret; but the spider is found in the cellar; and his weaving is an emblem of the composition of an author.

As to style, just write as you would speak, and give your account with simplicity, without affectation; understanding your subject well, and using no more words, than are necessary to express your meaning.

As to paper whether common or woven; or as to type, whether single or double pica; these are terms I do not understand. I see them in the advertisements, and that is all I know about them. Whether duodecimo, octavo, or folio, will depend upon the bulk of what is to be printed.

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CHAPTER V.

THE Captain had now been more than a month at home, making enquiry into the history of the village; what changes in the domestic affairs of his neighbors; what good or bad fortune had happened to individuals, at the same time walking through the town, and observing the improvements or dilapidations in the buildings or streets. It was obvious that little attention had been paid, for some time, to public works; the pavements were neglected, and the ways and water-courses suffered to fill up. An aqueduct begun, to bring a spring from the hill, was left unfinished.

What can be the reason of all this, said he to the citizens? It was answered, that the chief and assistant burgesses some time ago had been extravagant; that the works, which, by the charter of incorporation they had a power to project, were extensive, and the consequent taxes which they had a right to impose, and which became necessary, were thought oppressive. The people had left out these officers at the annual election, and chosen new. That these wishing to preserve popularity, had let all matters rest, and had neither made improvements, nor raised taxes.

And will this please always? They have turned out one set for doing too much; and they will turn out the other next for doing nothing.

But why not hit a medium? said the Captain. A difficulty occurs, continued the speaker. In the works projected, the people insist that no man shall be consulted in his own occupation. The mason shall make out the bills of scantling; and the carpenter determine the arches of a stone bridge.

That is, said the Captain,just as bad, as in a city that I passed through in my travels. The physicians claimed a right to judge of laws, and the lawyers of physic: Reversing the maxim, that every man is to be trusted in his own profession.

This is republicanism run mad. The sovereign people would do well to imitate other sovereigns, at least in this; that they trust even foreigners in the arts, and not by an unreasonable jealousy, lose the advantage of judgment, which is not in the nature of things, that they themselves can possess.

Political divisions will always exist. It is inseparable from the nature of a community. And it is not in the nature of things that the power can be long on one side. The duration depends upon the judgment of using it. The people will revolt from themselves when they find they have done wrong, and that side which was now the weakest will become the strongest.

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Accounts were received, and Teague himself occasionally announced that he had succeeded in taking up subscriptions for his commentaries. But it had never occurred to any one that the bog-trotter could neither read nor write. But the difficulty now presenting itself, a school-master offered his services to be his amanuensis.

But amongst the advertisements on the tavern and shop doors, the Captain observing one day a notice of the want of a suitable person in the academy to instruct in the French language, he was led to reflect, that after dictating his publication, Teague would be out of employment, and that a vacancy of this kind might tally with his faculties, having been in France, the very country where the language was vernacularly spoken; that his attainments must be much superior to those who had acquired the tongue only from dead books, the ear not accustomed to the sounds of familiar conversation.

Losing no time he waited on the principal of the academy, and gave him a minute account of the pedeseque, and of his pretensions.

The principal was astonished; but concealed his surprise. He could easily comprehend the incompetency of this man to teach the language in a school of learning, where it is expected to be taught grammatically; and the absurdity of taking his lingo, for French, if he had the brogue in that pronunciation as he had in English. But it might not be so easy a matter to convince the Captain of this, who appeared to have an undue opinion of his acquirements. Nevertheless he endeavoured to make himself intelligible on this subject, by observing that there was a wide difference between a public professor in a college, and a private tutor who attends pupils occasionally: that in a seminary of learning the rudiments of a language were usually taught by rules; and it was an object to understand the parts of speech into which the tongue was divided; the use of the articles if there were any; the inflections of the cases, the variations of the genders, the conjugations of the verbs; the concords of syntax; and after all this the idiom, or peculiar phrases and structures of the sentence; that from what the Captain had informed him, and what he himself had gleaned from others, of the characteristics of this subordinate, the academy was not his province, but the village. He might employ his talents to advantage, instructing young gentlemen and ladies in the French tongue at their houses; with a grammar and without a dictionary; or without a grammar; and with the voice and diction only. For in fact it was of little consequence how they were taught; for they would learn nothing: and barbers, and tumblers that had come in and undertaken to instruct; had done as well as wiser masters; for they had amused their pupils; and amusement was all that pupils would be willing to receive. Enough if they can get a word or two that sounds like French, to throw out to a lady at a dance; as parlez vous, madame; or si vous plais.

It may be a digression, said the Captain; but it is a profitable lesson. Do you conceive that the American youth are too hastily manufactured, and come forward too soon into life?

Unquestionably, said the Principal. Education here is unnaturally hastened. Our minority is too short to make a great man. "We overstep the modesty of nature," and suffer our young men to come forward into councils that require the heads of age. Hence our juvenile speeches in debates. Hence the wild fire in our councils. The young gentlemen of the village were above learning; as soon as they had got on a pair of pantaloons, and half-boots. They are out of their education, and men before their time. We had an election the other day, for a chief burgess. It was a matter of astonishment to those of the old school, to see a youth come forward, born after his competitor had been ranked with the sages of the village, and claim the suffrages of the citizens. It had an unfavorable effect upon the very dumb creation. It was not enough that the lads under age, began to raise their voices and vociferate; but it seemed that the young of animals had gained upon their growth, and were old before they had attained maturity. The young dogs barked more; whether it was from an impression of the atmosphere; or an imitation of the sounds of men.

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CHAPTER VI.

TO give the bog-trotter time to write his history, the Captain turned his attention for a while to other objects. There was an old lawyer in the village that had left off practice, and accompanied by a blind fiddler, gave lectures occasionally, at what he called his inns of court, on the practice of the law, of which he pretended to have had great experience; and in fact he had been a long time at the bar; and from age was now unfit for the circuit, especially being blind, and unless in a carriage, which the roads did not well admit, could not conveniently go abroad; and the small practice of the village, scarcely sufficed for the occupation of his time, or the means of his support. The want of sight rendered him incapable of conveyancing, and all he could do was to give council, or argue a cause by which he made a penny; but to fill up his time, and put his learning to account, he had set on foot lectures for young students, and amused himself at intervals with a tune on the violin which the fiddler played, and for which the by standers threw in a five-penny bit of silver, such of them as did not attend to the law lecture, or could derive any benefit from it. Thus, these two, clubbing their talents, and joining in amusement, and in business as joined in the loss of vision, made a living; the scraper receiving his six cents and a half for his tune on the instrument, and the lawyer the same money for his breath on the abstract subject of the study and practice of law.

It may be asked how it came to pass, that this man could lay down the principles of a successful practice in a profession, and at the same time not to have become enriched by it himself, so as to be above the necessity in his old age, or making money, by the best means in his power to procure his support, the profession being lucrative itself, especially where any one excels in the knowledge of it, and is ordinarily industrious in the pursuit?. But the answer is easy; that the making money and keeping it are two distinct things: for so it was, that the lawyer now blind, had let a great deal of business go through his hands, without making much by it; from a want of skill to make money stick. He thought always more of gaining the suit and the praise of managing it well, than of the fee. Hence it was that he had credit as a pleader, but not as the maker of a great estate.

It is doubtless a general rule that the way to be rich is to excel in your profession, and whoever excels may in general be rich, and it is a folly not to make this use of it. But we see that with all the lovers of the arts, painting, music, statuary, eloquence, there is a neglect of riches, the mind carried off from the love of money, and placed upon the art itself. The main chance is overlooked; and it is only late in life that the folly is discovered by the person himself, though others had been remarking it all his life long. But though not profitable to the professor, to cultivate an art for its own sake, yet it is useful and pleasing to the world; and Quintillian, who has left us a book on the eloquence of the bar, is more valued, because he has given more pleasure to those who have come after him, than others who had made perhaps more by their practice, but whose memory has gone with themselves, at the same time that their estates went to others.

As a sample of the lectures of the blind lawyer, we shall give the following:

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THE LECTURE.

IT is necessary to comprehend perfectly the facts of the case, and this to enable;

1. To frame the action; trespass, or trespass on the case, &c.

2. To frame your declaration: that is, to put a precise statement of the cause of action upon the record.

3. To examine the witnesses, preparatory to the trial.

I say nothing of the science necessary to draw a declaration; though there is great delicacy and beauty in making a legal statement of your cause of action with brevity, perspicuity, and technical correctness. Nor do I mean to touch on the vigilance on your part, or illiberality to your adversaries, in conducting the cause to issue and trial, taking rules and giving notice. This is not the state where all advantage is fair. These are preliminaries to the contest, and as in the wager of battle the combatant makes oath, that he uses no enchantment; so a liberal lawyer will disdain to avail himself of an oversight, or take a catch which has no effect upon the merits of a cause. If he observes a defect which it becomes necessary to amend, in civil cases, he will point it out and give leave to do it. This I grant he is not bound to do; but it is for the credit of the profession that such liberality should be cultivated, and justice wil lose nothing by it. Strict rules of pleading, strictly pursued, are not inconsistent with this liberality. Professional men can understand the boundaries and distinctions. It is not within my present compass to go into them.

Preparatory to the trial; a great point is, the examination of the witnesses to be adduced by your client; such of them as are willing to say what they know, prior to their being called in court. It is of moment for you to know what you can prove by any of them, that you may bring them to the point immediately; and save the time of the court from impertinent relation. It is necessary for the sake of your client to sift them well, and know the testimony they are about to give. The council above who has thus sifted them, should undertake to examine. When the conduct of the cause, rest with me, and the responsibility, I would suffer no assistant to ask a question of my witnesses. Let him take his turn, and fill up his part in cross examining the witnesses of the adversary. When the testimony is closed in a jury trial, the cause is usually lost or won: and a single question injudiciously put, may have been the cause of losing it. Yet there is nothing more difficult for a leading counsel than to restrain the impetuosity of his associates, and their avidity to ask questions.

It is a matter of great judgment when a witness has answered well, to let the answer rest. It is favourable to truth to let it rest; for by putting it again, and again, you confuse the mind, and you may get the very reverse of what he had before said; or at least you may get it so disturbed, as to be unintelligible, and do you no good.

If it occur to an assistant council who has not previously examined; that a question may be put with advantage, he can suggest it to the leading, or examining council, and leave him to judge. The wish of seeming to be doing something for his money is the cause of that propensity to interrogate that prompts improperly to take up the examination.

The taking down the testimony is so managed as to consume time unnecessarily in our courts. Each concerned in a cause, must take down and wait for all. The testimony must be taken as if it was to be read again to the court, or sent to the jury in the style of a written deposition. Unnecessary matter is taken down; for there are seldom more than a few sentences in the testimony of a witness that are material to the cause. But it is to seem very busy, and doing something for the client, where in fact nothing is done, that leads to an ostentation of taking down, even where there is nothing to take. I have actually known this to take place at the bar.

Well; what do you know of this matter?

Why, in fact, I know little about it.

Stop, stop a little, let me take that down.

Well; you say you know little about the matter.

Nothing at all—only—

Stop, stop, let me take down what you have said—

A thing like this exhausts the patience; yet it is difficult for a court to correct it. It must depend upon the good sense of the council themselves, to select and confine their notes to what is of substance in the evidence.

The greatest effort in the management of a cause, is the taking exception to evidence. For this purpose, it is necessary that from the commencement of the trial, the leading counsel lies by; thinks much; says little; bends his whole mind to preserve himself unruffled: sets forward the junior, and assistant council to spar where it may be necessary; to make prolusions, and gain time.

As for instance; a piece of evidence is offered. It strikes the leading council, that exception lies against it. But he is not clear; nor is he prepared to support the exception. An assistant council takes the exception. It is run down and completely answered. Not a word more: But the leading council has had time to consider.

If he had not thought proper to give it up; he would have risen in full force.

And if he had been answered with some show of reason, the assistant would have rejoined, and done justice to the argument. For let it not be thought that though I mark the parts of the assistant council, I do not well know that the greater lawyer, may have the subordinate part assigned him; or may fall into that place, in the management of a cause, on the trial. The greater general may happen to have the command of a detachment only; or be employed to bring on, or relieve, in the course of an engagement.

For law is an image of war; and as in war, the greatest praise is to discharge your duty wherever it may be assigned; so, on a trial. A column standing still, and never brought forward, or discharging a shot, but simply keeping ground, may have done the real execution, and gained the battle. A thought suggested is sometimes more than an argument.

But, nevertheless, elocution has its place, and noble praise. It is delightful to hear one speak well where he ought to speak. "The words of the wise are like nails; fastened in sure places." Great indulgence must be made, for young pleaders; but I have it not in view to treat, not of what is to be indulged; but of what is to be approved. Brevity is the soul of eloquence, and amplification, the useful fault. Few err in saying too little. Tediousness is the more common extreme: padding, and beating on the point. After a passion is excited, there is danger of "tearing it to rags."

The opening of the case, before the evidence is introduced, is a matter of some delicacy; and a principle is brevity; and stating the proper proof, rather below what it will turn out. When disappointed in the expectation raised, the mind is dissatisfied, and with difficulty can do justice to what is proved. It is in the application of the evidence that eloquence finds her province at the bar. And yet here it is that less harm can be done by weak or unskilful advocates, than in any part of the contest. The court and jury are attached to the evidence.

The mind is steadfast upon this, and if a flourisher runs off; he may talk; it is only a loss of time. It is here that less experienced council may be suffered to amuse themselves; and can do little harm, more especially if there is some one to follow to review the facts, apply the law, and clench the argument. The harm that can be done, is to weary the mind, and relax the spring of attention. This is mischievous; but cannot well be prevented. The counsel must be heard. But there is much less danger to a cause, in this, than from an injudicious touch in the conduct of it, through the evidence.

With regard to reading authorities in the opening, or reply; or in the conduct of the trial generally, I have but a single observation. It is better to adduce no authority, at all, than one which has a doubtful application, because it brings in question the discernment of the counsel; and gives an opportunity to the adversary, to flourish and run down. General reason is a safer ground, than doubtful decisions.

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CHAPTER VII.

A great uproar had, in the mean time taken place in the village. The doctrine of abating nuisances had been much in conversation, since the town-meeting in the matter of the pole-cat. It came so far, that an incendiary proposed to abate, or burn down the college: Because, said he, all learning is a nuisance.

A town-meeting had been called on the occasion; and whether from a wish to see a bon-fire; or from the hatred of the ignorant, to all that places the informed above them; the proposition however unreasonable and illegal had its advocates. It had been actually carried, and a person was now on his way with a brand lighted to set fire to the building.

The alarm was given; and the more considerate rushed out to prevent conflagration.

Force was in vain; and reason avails little with a mob. The only way to oppose their resolution is indirectly by turning the current of their thoughts aside and to the attaining the same thing in another way. The principal and professors had harangued in vain. It was threatened that if they did not stand out of the way, they would burn them with the college.

The captain had come up; and venturing to speak; gentlemen, said he, it is not for the college that I am about to speak; it is for yourselves; your object is to put down learning; and do you not know that it is put down already. Why will you do a useless thing? It is calling in question your understanding, to do a needless mischief.

Is not learning put down already? the methodists are the best preachers. Take a horse jockey and in two weeks from the jump, he is in the pulpit. No need of Latin, Greek, Hebrew; a polyglot bible; systems of divinity; a commentary, a treatise, an essay, or a dissertation. All is plain sailing now.

All this tends to put learning down, so that you have all the advantages of this, without the trouble. Why burn the college?

The building will serve useful purposes, when the professors are driven out of it.

Politicians say, that though they have no learning, they feel no want of it. Is it to be supposed that a workman does not know whether he wants tools? All this ends when learning and law are put down. Trial by battle must regulate society. We shall then want barraks and hospitals. This building will accommodate invalids.

I do not know, said a sedate man among the crowd, whether after all, a little learning may not be in some cases, useful. It is a great help to weak people. I have seen a book, entitled, Huke's and e'en to had up crippled Christian's breeks: that is, hooks and eyes to hold up breeches; alluding, by the bye, to hooks and eyes which were in use before buttons. What are called gallowses, have succeeded to the assistance of buttons, but have not altogether superseded them. Not that I mean to insinuate that the disuse of hooks and eyes, lead to the gallows in the proper sense of the word, any more than that learning does. Though many a man that wears buttons has been hung. Perhaps more without buttons than with them. But I mean to say that a young man, before he comes to the years of discretion, may as well be employed in learning to make marks upon paper, as playing at nine-mens-morice, and it does him no more harm to try to read Greek, than to trace partridge tracks. The mind must be employed in something to keep it out of harm's way, and reclusion in a seminary is useful, if for nothing else at least to keep young people within doors, which the academician could not easily do, unless, the device of books was used to beguile the hours of study. And though a great part of their learning, is but the knowledge of hooks and crooks, yet the exercise of the mind, renders them more expert in thinking; and though Latin is of no more use to raise the devil than English, now a days; yet it is a gentle exercise to learn it, and makes the boys grow faster. It keeps them from their mothers who are apt to spoil their offspring by too much indulgence. The idea of getting a task, accustoms the mind to obedience. Now there are some branches of science that are really useful, such as speaking and writing intelligibly, and casting up accounts. Nor is the time altogether thrown away in learning mathematics, especially the theory of the mechanical powers. Some are of the opinion that this study has been of great use in navigation, and water works. The ancients found their account in it, in the construction of the Catapult. But, at least, what harm, in letting pedants chop logic, and boys laugh, in the seminaries? A herring pickle, or a merry Andrew, is allowed to amuse people, and we do not pull down their stalls. A ventriloquist is suffered to take his dollar from us, and we make no remonstrance. Lectures, on moral philosophy are at least as innocent as this. I do not know any better recreation for a lad of mettle than to listen to a dissertation on eloquence, or a discourse on chronology, and history. It sharpens his wit to talk over affairs with his equals. But there is one reason that serves for a hundred. It is not every one that is born a genius, and can do without the help of education. I am therefore for continuing these crudities a little longer. When we can afford it better, we can pull down the college.

This speech had a good effect, and the mob retired.

But before they were aware, the flame had broken out in another direction. The mob retiring, had entered into altercation amongst themselves, and began to blame one another. Some, for not going on to burn the college, and others, for having thought of it at all. In opposition to the last, the first grew outrageous, and began to exclaim, and to curse and to swear, and said, damn them, but if they had not burned a college, they would burn or pull down, a church. They had actually prepared faggots, and were on their way a second time, to execute a new mischief.

The alarm was given, the chief burgess, and assistants, and respectable inhabitants assembled. Great reliance was had upon the Captain, from his success in the former instance; and when the two forces, that of the mob, and that of the community stood face to face, and were in opposition, ready to fall on, the one to commit waste, and the other to defend, he was called upon to come forward and harangue.

He obeyed instantly, but was well aware that a stratagem in war cannot succeed a second time, and therefore instead of attempting to decoy and turn aside their passions, thought proper to attack them directly by the opposite, fear. Madmen, said he, what do you mean? Is it to rob, plunder and murder that you have assembled? Come on; but in coming you must meet with this weapon, brandishing his hanger; I am alone; but a legion is behind me and will be with me speedily.

But as I am at all times averse from the use of force until it becomes necessary; I am willing in the mean time to hear reason. Why is it that you would pull down a church, and abolish the christian worship in the village?

It is not our intention to abolish christianity, said a grave man amongst them, but to put down the preacher at this place; who is not an American republican, but quotes the English commentators in his sermons, Henry's annotations on the Bible; Burket on the New Testament; Pool's Synopsis, Tillotson and Baxter, and many others. We wish to abolish these, and have nothing but our own commentaries. Are we to be drawing our proofs from under a monarchy, and referring to tracts and essays published in Great Britain? Have we no sense of our own to explain texts of Scripture, and apply doctrines? It is time to emancipate ourselves from these shackles, and every man be his own expounder, or at least confine our clergy to the Bible and the Psalm book, or such of our divines, as have written amongst ourselves, and are of our own manufacture in a republican government.

Religion, said the Captain, is of no government. Wines are the better for being brought over seas, and our best brandies are from monarchies. Where was the cloth of that coat made? Will you reject a good piece of stuff because it came through the hands of an aristocratic weaver? These are false ideas of what is right, and useful to mankind. The common law is not the worse for having been the common law of England, and our property and birth-right which our ancestors brought with them; nor is our Bible the worse for having been translated under James the first of England, which translation we still use, and, from which we repeat all sentences of Scripture. Nor are systems of theology, or harmonies of the evangelists the worse for having been written in another country. Why do we use the English language? Is it not because we cannot easily substitute another; or have no better substitute. The Shawanese, or Delaware, or Piankisha, may be softer, but not so copious or of equal energy or strength. But even if in all respects superior, can we by an act of volition, transfer it into common use and make it all at once, our vernacular tongue?

The grave man made no answer; but the more violent were still disposed to pull down the church.

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CHAPTER VIII.

AT the alarm created by the uproar, the pedagogue, and the pedeseque, who had in the mean time been engaged in composing the books, had run out, and left the manuscript in hands, on the table. A wag stepping in, wrote an addition to a chapter. And coming back, the school-master resumed his labour, without observing it. The chapter in hands was that which gave an account of his ascent in a balloon; and the addition was as follows:

——"Passing a cloud, I put out my hand, and took a piece of it, and squeezed it like a sponge, and the water ran out. The sun went north about; but never set. At the distance of about fifty leagues above the earth, we saw a white bird sitting on the corner of a cloud. We took it to be one of Mahomet's Pigeons. If we had had a gun we could have shot it. Passing by the moon we saw a man selling lands at auction. He wished us to give a bid; but we told him, we had not come to buy lands in the moon. We came across a comet, but it was asleep. It looked like a terrapin; but had a tail like a Fox.

"The balloon struck a wasp's nest, and we were in danger of the stings.

"Coming near a hail-bank, we filled a hat. The hail stones were about as large as a pigeon's egg.

"A thousand miles above the earth we passed through a field of turkey buzzards. This would seem to be their region; and accounts for the circumstance, that no one has ever found a nest of one of these. Their rookeries are out of sight, in the atmosphere.

"As we approached one of the heavenly bodies.—It appeared like an island. We struck upon a planet, but Blanchard got out and pushed off the balloon. We supposed it to be Mercury, as we heard orators haranguing, and a multitude of tongues.

"There were marriages going on in Venus, and in Mars, we heard the drums beat.

"In Jupiter we heard swearing, Proh! Jupiter; O! Jupiter! by Jupiter.

"We meant to have a pull at one of Saturn's rings, but were blown off the coast, and found ourselves in the latitude of Herchell. Provisions failing, we thought proper to shape our course to the earth again.

"The first thing we saw was the forest of Ardennes, which appeared like a shamrock; the Pyrenean mountains seemed a bed of parsley, and the Atlantic Ocean, was about as large as Loch Swilly.

"Within about a furlong of the earth, Blanchard gave me the parachute, and I came down. It was in a field of corn among reapers. They took me for a sheep, and thought to have mutton; but finding their mistake, they invited me to breakfast.——

Teague with his amanuensis returning, resumed his memoir, not observing the interpolation which, in the mean time had been made. Some have thought it was the best chapter in it. At least it is the most extravagant.

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CHAPTER IX.

HAVING now a little time upon his hands, the Captain thought of repeating his visit to the blind lawyer, and fiddler; and happening at an interval of the blind man's lectures he drew him into conversation, on the subject of the law. What is this common law, said he, which you speak of, and why cannot it be abolished? The common law of England! why not a common law of our own; now that we are an independent government?

It is our own common law, said the lawyer. We derive it from a common source with the inhabitants of Britain. Shall the people on that side the water alone possess this jurisprudence, which our common ancestors possessed, just because we have left the island? It was because our birth-right to this law was questioned that we resisted in war, and declared our independence. The right to representation is a principle of the common law, and this right was denied to the colonies. The right of trial by jury is a principle of the common law, and this in some cases, was abridged, in others, taken away altogether. On what ground were these defended—On the ground that they were our inheritance by the common law.

But why called common law? It was so called as distinguished from the laws of particular places. It was a system common to the whole people. The term came into use after the Heptarchy.

A ground of this law is reason; or the principles of universal justice. The application of these principles to particular cases, forms a great part of the common law; the application of the principles of justice to that infinity of cases, which arise on the intercourse of men in a state of society: obligations independent of contract, or contracts themselves. We read the decisions in such cases, because the reason of those who have gone before, is a help to those that follow.

Rules of pleading, rules of evidence, the practice of courts, are the result of experience, and our own; or adopted by us, as a part of the common law. This law forms a system begun in the woods of Germany; taking its rise amongst our Saxon ancestors, it was brought with them into Britain; receiving accessions from what it found good in the island to which it came.

Abolish the common law? Why not abolish the art of medicine, because it has been cultivated in Great Britain? Sydenham, Harvey and Mead, are thought to have added to the science. The British chemists, in some instances, have increased the materia medica. Why not make war upon the apothecaries, because they sell English drugs?——

Just at that instant, a hurly burly was heard half a square distant; people rushing into an apothecary shop, and jugs thrown out at a window. It was a mob collected to break up the Doctor.

A latin master from the college, lifting up his hands in the attitude of a man attempting to ring a bell, was endeavouring to appease the multitude, in such address as was on his tongue from the classic authors: cives cives, quis furor vos agitat! vesania quæ versat? quæ dementia cepit! Infelix pecus! oh! heu! proh hominum. Insanire decet, ratione, modoque.

It availed nothing. The outrage was continued. Glass and earthen ware, broken; powders and liquids filled the atmosphere with vapour, and a variety of smells. Ah! said an orator, it is full time to return to the simplicity of early times, when men had recourse, in case of internal diseases, or external wounds, to the barks of trees, or the plants of the fields, and had not yet become acquainted with extractions and decoctions put in phials, and called drops, to make the well sick, and poison the living.

It would have made a good drawing in a picture, to have seen the apothecary, at work, endeavouring to clear the shop; with a cudgel, sometimes pelting a riotor; at other times breaking the head of one of his own jugs.

A preacher stood by exhorting to carry on the work. He had taken a text. "There is a time to build, and a time to pull down." He thought this a pulling down time. The greater part of his audience appeared to think him orthodox, and were showing their faith, by their works, at the expense of the dispensary. Good God, called out the son of Esculapius, will no one assist? shall I be ruined? The industry of years dissipated in a day: All my laudanum, my pepper-mint, sulphur, vitriol, oils, acids, my tartar, and arsenic; all gone to pot, or rather the pots gone with them, jars, jugs, and glister-pipes: what devastation! what havock! Is it for sport, or for profit? Oh; the folly, the fury, the madness of the populace! They are indeed the swinish multitude. A herd of swine in a century, would not have done so much damage.

At this point of the game, whether by design, or accident, a cry of fire had been raised; and the fire company with their engine and buckets were up, and began to play upon the building, throwing the water in at the windows, and at the door, so that the people in the house, and the Doctor himself were as wet as rats, and occasionally the pipe carried round with a sweep, came upon the by-standers without. The preacher got his Bible wet, and his Psalm book; and the Latin master called out "Jam satis terris;" or that there was rain enough; and the orator, thought it a new way, of quelling the mobs. The Captain said he had seen something of the kind attempted in repressing bees, when they swarmed, throwing water on them, and that the riots of men were analogous.

But what can they mean, said a peace officer, by attacking this mans boluses? Do they mean to put an end to the practice of physic? Among the savages they attribute aches, and pains in the flesh and bones, to a bad spirit that has got into the muscles, and the tendons, and by rubbing with the hand, and pressing the parts they endeavour to expel it. The chaffing has sometimes a good effect, and if there should not be an evil spirit to drive out, it eases and relieves from the complaint. But though exercise and temperance may preserve health, and cold and warm bathing, and friction of the joints may relieve from a rheumatic pain, yet in a multitude of cases the specifics of pharmacy may be found useful; especially in a society of close population, where we have not woods and forests to run in, and where sedentary occupations keep people sitting half their time. And though after all, the diagnosis, or distinguishing diseases, is in many cases, but a guess, and the means of cure still more conjectural, yet still there is something in the province of science, and the skill of the well read and experienced physician.

Why then do you not put the law in force against such an attack upon the druggist, said the orator? You see his chest of medicine broken open, before your eyes, and his shelves pulled down, and the tables under foot, and yet no one bound over, or the riot act read.

Soft and fairly, said the peace officers, all in good time.

Take sail from the mast when there comes too strong a blast. A madness prevails at present. It will be but of a fortnight's continuance. When the people get a thing into their heads, the best way is to let them go on. They will come to themselves by and by.

But in the mean time they will do a great deal of harm, said the Captain.

It is in the atmosphere, said the orator.

Is it imported, or of domestic origin? said a thinking man among the crowd.

It may be imported, or it may be of domestic origin, said a simple man; for both abroad and at home, we have instances of such madness occasionally breaking out, owing to some subtile gas in the holds of vessels, or that breeds in our own streets. It may come from France or Ireland: but what is there to hinder it of springing up here, where there are as good materials to work upon, as on the other side the water? Human nature is the same every where.

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CHAPTER X.

THE memoir of the bog-trotter had now made its appearance, and was read with avidity by all ranks, and classes of the community. The novelty of the matter made the style agreeable, and it was called up as a model of fine writing. In fact the school-master, who was the real author, Teague furnishing only materials, had some knowledge of the English grammar, and had read the Pilgrim's Progress, the Seven Champions of Christendom, Reynard the Fox, the Siege of Troy, and had a diction not unpleasing, and tolerably correct.

The place of a professor of rhetoric in the college, being vacant, it was suggested that the new author might be an acquisition to give lectures on eloquence, and Teague was, as usual, elated with the proposition, and solicited the Captain to countenance the matter, with the Trustees of the seminary, that, if he had failed in the political, he might have a chance of elevation in the literary world. The Captain accordingly lent his aid, and though with some reluctance, undertook to press the matter with the friends of the institution, still doubting in his own mind the capacity of the candidate for a chair in a university. It is true he had heard of lectures on taste and criticism by those who had not much taste, and were no great critics themselves. But this was considered as abuse, and not to pass into precedent. However consented and did broach the matter. It was likely to be carried and would have been carried, but for the other professors, who said it would be a burlesque on them, and threatened to resign if the thing was pushed any farther, as in their opinion, however great the fame of this phenomenon might be, he was in fact, but an illiterate person, and fitter for a professor of gymnastics, than of letters in an academy.

A professor of gymnastics, then let him be, said the Captain. It is true he has not read Salzman on the athletics of schools, or Strut on the games and past-times of England; nevertheless he can play, at prison-best, barley-but, blind-man's buff; the hind-most of three, and fool in the corner. He is no slouch at swere-arse, is a pretty good hitch at a wrestle; and can run and leap abundantly well.

So saying, he turned about, and walked away, with his stick in his hand to look for the bog-trotter, and to bring him forward for the professorship; but had not walked far, before he fell in with the remains of the doctor's shop that had been thrown out upon the street; and where was Teague in a stall, turned doctor, and selling drugs to the multitude, arsenic for worm-powder, and laudanum for wine-cordial. He had picked up the phials when the apothecary had run off, fearing the multitude, and the people thinking this man his deputy, or substitute, selling off at a low price, were willing to take a bargain while they could get it.

The Captain was irritated on the score of humanity, and for the first time, made a stroke at the bog-trotter. The cudgel lightning on a box of Spanish flies that was going off at twelve and a half cents, dissipated the contents. A dialogue ensued, and much expostulation. But the result was, that the vendue was broken up, and it came to be understood, that Teague was not the real owner of the ware-house, and the purchasers might be called upon to pay for the drugs a second time. This last consideration had an effect, and the bidding ceased.

At this time John Murdoch came up, a shrewd man, though not in any office, and being well acquainted with the Captain, and the history of the bog-trotter, made free to speak upon the occasion, and addressed himself to the Captain; for the bog-trotter had run off, whether fearing the stick, or to spend the money he had gathered.—Captain, said he, Nemo omnibus horis sapit; no man is wise at all times. You have been a long time seeking to get your man into place, and now that he had got into place without you; for accident often does more for a man than his best friends; you have been unwilling that he should stay in it. Nay, you have driven him from it. He had just got into a good way in an honourable and lucrative profession, and you have stopt his career with your batabuy, or shalelah, a weapon which, from his infancy he had been taught to dread. Do you think the greater part of doctors are better read than he was; or even if better read, does their reading turn to more account? Will the people employ them the sooner, because they are learned in their profession? Or, even if learned, is their skill the more to be depended on? One of the faculty has said; ars nostra conjecturalis est. Hoffman ran down Boerehaave; Cullen, Hoffman; Brown, Cullen; and the system now among the physicians, is a hotch-potch, or mixture of all. O'Regan might have been a quack; but the faculty tell us that medicine is much indebted to quacks. Mercury was brought into use by them, and is now the panacea, the specific for all diseases, the consumption itself. Could not Teague assume a grave appearance; a sober physiognomy, a measured step, with a cane in his hand; a steady look straight before; a nod to those that pass by, as if from a thinking man? Could not he feel a pulse, and speak mysteriously, if he could not speak learnedly, not having given clinical lectures, or attended them? Or could he not hold his tongue a long time, and say nothing; which would answer the purpose just as well; for silence is obscurity, and obscurity is sublimity. When the patient is dead, it was the disease killed him, not the doctor. Dead men tell no tales. Facilis descensus averni. I have heard the old blind lawyer discoursing to this effect, that in the profession of the law, which is an ostensible profession, and more likely to expose a man's parts, or faculties of mind than almost any other, yet it is not always understood who is the real lawyer; and a man may have made an estate at the bar before it is found out that he is a fool. If he loses the cause by his mismanagement, he lays it on the jury: or if the court decide on a point of law contrary to the advice he had given, what can I help it, says he, if a commission cannot give sense. It is the law of the books, though it is not the law of their heads. The client submits, and is better pleased with his counsel, than with an honest fellow who had told him in the first instance; or would tell him in the last, that his cause was none of the best; and the verdict, or judgment right. If this is the case in a profession, that, in comparison of the other, is visible, and tangible; that you can reach it in its exhibition, what must it be in art which is less in view where the ignorance of the practitioner is capable of more concealment; and the man dies who is most hurt, and carries his complaint before Minos, and Rhadamanthus, who wait until the doctor comes to give him a fair hearing.

It is not that I had any doubt, said the Captain, of his getting into practice, that I had been opposed to his empiricism. My apprehension rather was, that he would get too much practice, and have too many lives to answer for morally and in conscience, if not legally. For what did he know of drugs, or of their effect upon the constitution? If you go to conscience and morality with it, I have done, said Mr. Murdoch. You leave no reasoning for me. I was speaking as a man of the world, and the making a living: of you feel yourself entramelled with that sort of doctrine, you are on the other side the line: I have no concern with you: You belong to the old school.

The doctor, in the mean time had come back, and was examining the depredations.

An inventory was taken under the direction of the Captain, that what remained might be compared with the original stock, and the loss ascertained, that it might be compensated to the poor man by subscription. As to what had been purloined by Teague in the way of sale, he undertook himself to make up that, having been accessary to it by introducing the bog-trotter to the village.

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CHAPTER XI.

FROM what has been stated of the activity of mind among the inhabitants of this village, and especially politics, it will not be a subject of wonder, that there was a village coffee-house, on a small scale, in this place, and that the people sometimes met here, to smoke a pipe, and take a glass of beer, and read a newspaper. It might be called a beer-house, if what was drank in it gave the name, for more ale was drank than coffee; but, in imitation of the larger towns it was called a coffee-house. It happened that the Captain wishing to learn the news of the coffee-house, took a walk there.

Teague, with what he had collected from the sale of the drugs, had been here before them; and taking on himself the air of a politician, had called for pipes and tobacco, and was looking over a gazette; not that he could read; but to induce people to believe that he read; occasionally also, as if unconscious of those around him, throwing out a sentence, in French; a little of which he had acquired as a parrot would language: such phrases, as sauve qui peut: tant pis pour lui; a la guillotine. Nor did he neglect the shrug of the shoulders, a habit of expressing the emotions of the mind, which remained still in some degree among the republicans, though it had been contracted under the monarchy, when people were afraid to speak out, and raised the back, when they did not dare to lift the voice; and dumb signs served instead of a viva voce declaration. This suited the bog-trotter and enabled him to conceal his ignorance. Not that he had the prudence to intend this; but imitating what he had seen abroad, he took up the character at home.

The attention of the benches was attracted by his physiognomy, and attitude; and in the opinion of some, he was taken for a French minister or consul; by others for an emigrant of distinction that had lost his property, for the sake of his title of nobility.

The Captain hearing these surmises, impelled by the natural candour of his mind, could not avoid explaining. It is neither French minister, nor consul, said he; but my bog-trotter, that I had detected some time ago, selling drugs, and passing himself for a physician. He might be qualified to be a horse doctor, but certainly not to practice on the human constitution. But what particularly excited indignation, was his purloining the medicines, taking and carrying away, what did not belong to him, and was aggravated by the circumstance, of the things being thrown into the open air, by the rioters who had broken the house, and dispersed the shop, to the great injury of the poor apothecary whose property they were. I had taken it on myself to chastise him, considering myself under obligation to restrain him, having been accessary to his coming to the village. And if you will give me leave gentlemen, and excuse the time and place, I will take the liberty to deal a few blows at this instant, as he cannot conveniently escape from the boxes before my stroke overtakes him.

Not giving time for reflection, or reply on the part of those present, he raised his baton, and was about to strike; Teague on the other hand, had up his heart of oak also, if not to offend, at least, to defend, and parry the stroke; his countenance in the mean time arguing submission: his words also, whether from fear, or respect, softening and conciliatory. God love your soul, said he, and be aisy; and not be after bating me before dese paple dat know nothing o' de matter; dat will take you for an ould fool, bating and fighting for nothing: Just for making copper out o' de offals of a farrier, selling dem to de paple when de mountebank himself ran off. It is a good job to be making a penny in hard times. If your honour will give me leave, I will introduce your honour, to dese paple dat have taken me for a French minister. I tought I had looked more like a papish praist. But as dey know best, it is all de same to me. I will drink your honour's health in a tankard of ale if your honour will plase to call for it. Dese shivil looking strangers, dat I never saw before, will like your honour better dan kicking and cuffing wid your shalelah and putting yourself in a passion wid a bog-trotter, dat never meant you any harm.

The address seemed reasonable; and those present interfering, the Captain consented to let him off, advising more honesty and fair dealing for the future. But, in his apology to the company for what might seem an impropriety in behaviour, he was led to give the history of the Hibernian, and the circumstance of his being in France, which accounted for his affecting the French manner, and occasional attempts at the language. This in the mean time led to a general conversation on the affairs of France, and the history of the revolution. Observations were made above the ordinary stile of beer-house conversation; and of which, though expressed in a desultory manner, as each one took the pipe from his mouth, or listened to the suggestions of others, it may be worth while to give a sample.

One of these who had a considerable fluency of tongue, and ready memory, observed, "That the loss of liberty in the course of that revolution was owing to the unskilfulness of those who conducted it."

But in like situations, said another; is it reasonable to expect more skill? The mass of the people conducted the revolution, and is it in the nature of things, for them to stop at a proper point?

It is in the nature of things, said another; but it is a rare felicity. It is natural to distrust him who proposes to stop short of what seems a complete reform. The sovereign people is as liable to the impulse of passion, and as open to the insinuations of flatterers as an individual tyrant. The courtier devoid of principle, in the democratic hall, gets the ear of the populace, as he would that of a Prince, and abuses it.

I do not know well what a man can better do, said another, than just to fall in with the current of opinion, and when it changes, change with it. We are right, say the people. You are right says the man of prudence. We were wrong, say the people. You were wrong, says the same man. Who is ever displeased with a person that has been in the same error with himself?

That is true, said the Captain; but is there no such thing as public spirit? Is there not a spice of virtue to be found in a republic? Who would not devote himself for the public good? Were not Phocion, and Philopoemen time servers? I grant that it is not the way ultimately to make friends of them, and to have their confidence. Let school boys propose to rob a hen-roost, they will respect him who dissuaded, though it was not popular, but incurred the imputation of cowardice, and a want of spirit, at the time. Let them rob a garden, and be brought to punishment, they will revere him who had told them it was wrong, but was hurried along with them, and suffered by their fault. It is by these means that amongst the savages, strong minds obtain the ascendancy and are trusted by the nation. Great is the force of truth, and it will prevail. It requires great courage to bear testimony against an error in the judgment of the multitude; as it is attended with present disreputation. Yet courage is virtue, and is its own reward.

The great mischief of democracy is party, said an orator, who had taken the pipe from his teeth.

It is the great advantage of it, said his neighbour. It is the angel that descends at a certain season and troubles the pool of Bethsaida, that the lame person may be made whole. Were it not for party, all things would go one way; the commonwealth would stagnate.

But let one party obtain ascendancy, and does it not come to the same thing. All things will go one way then; or rather stand still.

Not so, said the Captain; no party can maintain power long. The ascendancy carries its overthrow along with it. The duration depends upon the judgment of the leaders of the councils. But the leaders, will find that they cannot lead always. While they were struggling up the ascent, every one was willing to be helped, and took advice. But on the top of the precipice, scamper and hoop, and there is no restraining them. A leader of judgment, will always find it more difficult to manage his own people than to combat his adversaries. They cannot be brought to halt at a proper point; and their errors bring them down again, as those in power did before them.

However, this is wandering from the point, said a man in a black wig; we were talking of the French; who says that Bonaparte did not usurp the government?

I am of that opinion, said the Captain; for there was no government to usurp. He put down the directory, who had themselves put down the councils. The banishment to Cayenne, is a proof of this.

I agree with you, said an individual on the other side of the box or bench, as it rather might be called. It was the Mountainards that ruined the republic, at the very time they were running down the others under the charge of incivicism, and conspiracy against the republic.

Doubtless, said the Captain. It is in popular intemperance, that aristocracy, and despotism have their source.

At this instant the blowing of a horn announced the arrival of the post; the late papers were brought in and all began to read.

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CHAPTER XII.

THE Captain having a short space of time to spare from his avocations, and disposed to take the air, had walked out, and coming near the small building which served as a hospital for the village, was disposed to visit it and see the state in which it was, with what new objects, since he had been absent on his peregrinations.

He was shown by the keeper an extraordinary object in a cell, a man who imagined himself a moral philosopher, delivering lectures. His observations were occasionally fraught with good sense. While the Captain stood, in the passage opposite his door, he made a note of some part of his discourse, and which, having had an opportunity of copying, we shall give to the reader. It was on the subject of the resentment of injuries.

"It is a strange thing, said he, that we cannot submit with equanimity to evils in the moral world, as we do in the natural. We expect a fair day, and there comes a foul. Is it any gratification to us, to beat the air, or stamp upon the puddle? Who would think of giving the cow-skin to a hurricane? Yet the greatest damage is sometimes done by a blast of wind. He would be thought a madman, and be sent to this place, who was apprehended buffeting a whirlwind, even though it had torn up by the roots, or broken down a fruit tree. He must be out of his senses indeed, that would have recourse to a bludgeon, in case of an attack by an inundation. It would be a laughing stock to see even a Turk giving the bastinado, to a hot season, or to cold weather. The knout to a Russian winter! Did the Pope ever excommunicate a storm on the ocean? What man is angry with a squall of wind? He considers it as an evil, and composes his mind to the loss of his merchandize. Is ingratitude less to be expected? And yet when it happens, we reprobate, and seek revenge. Sufferings from moral causes, are just as common as from natural. And yet when an injury is committed by a human creature, we are taken as it were by surprise, and lose temper. Cannot we turn away from a sudden gust, and take shelter under some one willing to protect us, without thinking more of the enemy that had beaten us, with his fist, or abused us with a bad tongue? The pelting of a hail storm never induces you to use hard words, or to demand satisfaction of the atmosphere; and yet you will send a challenge, and risk your own life to punish a man that has barely slighted you in a manner or in words. Why not take the other side of the road, and pass him by as you would a pond of water, or a marshy place? Cannot we take the necessary precautions against calumny, as we would against foul air, without putting ourselves in a passion with the author of the defamation, any more than with a vapour, or an exhalation? But there is such a thing, as will and intention in the moral agent. Is this any thing more than an idea, a matter of our own imaginations? It is the same thing to us whether there is a spirit in the winds, or no spirit, when a house is blown down; or the roof carried away. What is it to us, whether the cause thinks, or does not think? We blame it the most sometimes because it does not think. We call in question the understanding of a man when he wrongs us; and say, if he had the reflection of a reasonable being, he would have conducted himself in a different manner. And yet the consideration that he had not reflection, does not mitigate, but increases our resentment. Oh! the inconsistency of human life and manners. I am shut up here as a madman, in a mad place, and yet it appears to me that I am the only rational being amongst men, because I know that I am mad, and acknowledge it, and they do not know that they are mad, or acknowledge it."

"As far as my small judgment goes," says an orator, when he is about to express his opinion; and yet he does not think his judgment small. He would take it much amiss if any one took him at his word, and would say, true it is, your judgment is but small. All think themselves wise, wise, wise. But I say, fools, fools, fools"—At this he threw himself down on his couch, and fell asleep.

In the next apartment was an insane person, who stiled himself the "Lay Preacher," and who took his text as usual, and began to preach. Book of Judges, 21. 25. "In those days there was no king in Israel; and every man did that which was right in his own eyes."

That was right, said a mad democrat, who was confined in a cell across the passage. When we got quit of a king, the same thing was expected here, "that every man should do that which was right in his own eyes" but behold we are made to do that which is right in the eyes of others. The law governs, and this law is made up of acts of assembly, and the decisions of the courts; and a kind of law they call the common law. A man's nose is just as much upon the grind-stone as it was before the revolution. It is not your own will that you must consult; but the will of others. Down with all law, and give us a free government, "that every man may do that which is right in his own eyes."

Madman, said the Preacher; thou knowest not what thou sayest. It is not allowable that men should do that which is right in their own eyes. A man is not a proper judge of right in his own cause. His passions bias his judgment. He cannot see the right and justice of the case. The want of a king in Israel was accompanied with the want of laws. I do not mean to say that without a king there cannot be laws. But kings are put here for government, that being the government, at that period known in the world. For even a mixed monarchy is an improvement of later times. The meaning is, there being no government, every mad did that which was right in his own eyes; and ten to one, but it was wrong in the eyes of others: A wild state of anarchy.—A time for Sampson to live, that could knock down people with "the jaw bone of an ass."

What worse, said the democrat, than amongst us, where we see honest men knocked down with the jaw bones of lawyers, arguing a cause, and the judges that decide upon the case?

Passing on, the Captain came to the stair case, and ascended to the second story; he wished to see a mad poet who had been engaged in travestying his travels. He had the advantage of a commodious apartment, more so, than some of those who have surpassed him in his art in different places and periods of the world. The poet Dryden was not so well accommodated, at the time he wrote his St. Cecilia's Ode, which is thought to be the best of his compositions. The poet that we have before us, was a quiet man, and had the privilege of the hospital, to go and come as he pleased, but not to go without the walls. He was confined here by his relations merely as a matter of convenience, being so absent in mind, that he was incapable of taking care of himself. The manuscript, in doggerel verse, would seem to be sufficient to compose a book, half as large as Hudibras. He was overjoyed to see the Captain, who was the hero of his poem; and the Captain was no less amused to see him, and the adventures of which he made a part, turned into rhyme. His sensations were equally sublime with those of the Trojan hero, when he saw the war of Troy in the paintings hung up in the hall of the queen of Carthage. The circumstance was not less entertaining to him as the actor, or the speaker in the course of the adventures so recorded, and he consented to accept a copy, not that he meant to give it to the press, but to cast his eye over it, for his particular amusement: nevertheless, the manuscript having fallen into our hands, we shall select parts of it, and according as the reader seems to like that which he gets, we shall give him more. In the mean time we shall dismiss the Captain from the hospital, not but that there was much more to see and hear amongst the Bedlamites still; but affected with melancholy, and weary of the scene; at the same time doubting with himself, whether those he saw confined were more devoid of reason than the bulk of men running at large in the world. He had no doubt of one being a lunatic of whom the keeper made mention, but whom he had not an inclination to visit, in the second story; for he was said to be employed looking at the moon, with a pair of spectacles which he took for a telescope. For lunacy means moon-struck, and this seemed the be the case with him.

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CHAPTER XIII.

HAVING turned his back on the hospital, there was a concourse of people: the cry was a new code of laws.

A new code? said a grave man. Is not the old, the result of experience, a gradual accession of rules and regulations in society? Begin again, and you would come to the same result at last. But to form laws from abstract comprehension, fitted to all exigencies, is not within the compass of the powers of man. It is sufficient if he can form a schedule or plan of government; this is the outline; the interior gyrations, must be made up from repeated experiments.

The words new code, were mistaken by some amongst the crowd, for no code.

No code, was repeated through the multitude.

What, no laws at all? said the grave man.

No laws, was the outcry immediately, and every vociferous person wishing to hear himself speak, and every timid person afraid of being suspected of incivicism, began to call out, no laws.

That will never do, said the grave man, it were better to have no judges than to have no laws, or at least as bad. For how can men judge but by laws? Arbitrary direction is a blind guide.

The words no judges, had been heard more distinctly than the rest, and supposing it to be a substitute for no laws, voices came from every quarter in support of the amendment. I support the amendment; I agree to the substitute, no judges, no judges.

The clamour became general, down with the judges.

This puts me in mind, said the Captain, of the sermon of the Lay Preacher. I should have no objection to an amendment of the law, or to new judges; but no laws, no judges, is more than I had expected to have heard in an assembly of republicans.

A person standing by was struck with the good sense and moderation of this remark, and stepping forward, made his harangue.

I will not say, said he, that I am for no judges; but this I will say, that new judges is a desideratum in the body politic. The greater part that we have are grown gray, and are as blind as bats: they cannot see without spectacles. I am for new judges.

You talk of judges, said the grave man, as if it was as easy to make a judge of law as to make a bird-cage, or a rat-trap.

What, said a merry fellow, shall we have new shoes, new pantaloons, and new every thing; and shall we not have new judges? We shall never do any good with the present set of judges on the bench

It was carried that there should be new judges.

But having disposed of the old, it became a question whom they should elect for new. The bog-trotter was proposed for one, having had his name up before in the matter of the newspaper.

What, my waiter? said the Captain. Yes, your waiter, said a wag, or a fool, I do not know which.

You astonish me, said the Captain. My waiter a judge of the courts! He will make sad work on a bench of justice. He will put down all law. He will silence all lawyers. He will have no law; no books; no cases; all plain-sailing with him. Every man his own lawyer, state his own cases, and speak for himself. No Hooks and Crooks; no Hawkins; no Bacons; or Blackstones; or Whitestones; no Strange cases; no law of evidence. Every man sworn and tell what he knows, whether he has seen it, or heard it at second, or at first hand: interest or no interest; all the same; let the jury believe what they think proper; and the judge state the law from his thumbs ends without books.

This is madness, and here I have more trouble on my hands with this bog-trotter, than I have ever had before. It is a more delicate matter to see him placed on the seat of justice, to administer the laws, than to be in the senate house, and assist to make them. For in that case he would be but a component member of a great body, and his errors, might be lost in the wisdom of the other members. But in the capacity of judge he is sole, or with but a few, and it is an easier matter to frame a single law, than to expound and apply a thousand.

Gentlemen, said he, addressing himself to the multitude, you will ruin your administration. You will bring disgrace upon it. The people will not feel your error at once; but they will feel it by and bye, and will depose you who have been the most active in this cavalcade. That is, they will withdraw from you their confidence. The abuse of power leads to the loss of it. No party in a government, can exist long, but by moderation and wisdom. The duration of power, will always be in proportion to the discrete use of it. I am shocked at your indiscretion. Have not some of you read Don Quixotte; In the capacity of judge, Sancho Panza made some shrewd decisions; or rather Cervantes made them for him; for, I doubt much whether Sancho ever made one of them. But who is there of you, will make decisions for Teague. I doubt much whether he would take advice, or let any one judge in his behalf. Besides that of a judge is not a ministerial office, and cannot legally be exercised by deputy. You will make pretty work of it with Teague for a judge. It may be according to the light of nature; but not according to the law of nature that he will judge. At least, not according to the law of nations: for no nation under heaven ever had such a judge. Not even in the most unenlightened times. If he had a knowledge even of the old Brehon law, in his native country, it might be some help. But in matters of meum and tuum he has a certain wrong-headedness that hinders him from ever seeing right. He thinks always on the one side; that is on his own side. But what he would do between suitors, I am not so clear, but I take it he would be a partial judge. The man has no principle of honour or honesty. He would be an unjust judge.

Will not the commission make him a judge? exclaimed one of the multitude.

But will it make him capable of judging? said the Captain.

Why not? said a boisterous man. What else qualifies or makes fit? Can the most sensible man, or the most learned person, judge without a commission?

Doubtless that is the authority, said the Captain. But still the capacity.

Capacity? Said a man, with a bit out of the one side of the membrane of his nose, sniveling in his speech; capacity! Give me the commission, and I will shew you the capacity. Let me see who will dare to question my capacity.

Such a burlesque, said the blind lawyer, tends naturally to the overthrow of justice. For able and conscientious men will withdraw from a degraded station. Intrigue, worse than, perhaps, the arm of flesh itself, will come to be employed in the management of causes. Security of person, property, and reputation, the great end of civil institutions, will be rendered precarious. The security of them depends upon fixed and known rules, as well as the application of them. It is not an easy matter to attain a knowledge of these rules. The laws of a single game at school, or of such as employ manhood, in an hour of amusement, is a thing of labour to acquire. The law parliamentary, or rules of a legislative body, is not learnt in a day. And yet without a knowledge of it, there is a want of order, as well as despatch in business. The laws of municipal regulation in a community, laws of external structure, and internal police, are not attainable with the celerity of a moments warning. But when we come to the rules of property, the laws of tenure and of contract, a field opens, that startles the imagination. Even the study of years, makes but a sciolist. But, you will say, lay aside rules. Let all decisions spring from the dictates of common sense applied to the particular case before the judge. But the mere arbitrary sense of right and wrong, is an unsafe standard of justice. A free government, is a government of laws. A Cadi or a Mufti are tolerable only in despotic countries. You are destroying your republic by undermining the independence, and respectability of your judiciary. It is that branch of the government, on which liberty most essentially depends.

The multitude seemed to be but little moved by these observations, which made it necessary for the Captain to try what could be done with the bog-trotter himself, to dissuade him from accepting the appointment. Accordingly, taking him aside, he spoke to him as follows:

Teague, said he, will there be no end of your presumption? I take it to be a great error of education in our schools and colleges, that ambition is encouraged by the distribution of honours, in consideration of progress in letters; that one shall be declared the first scholar in languages, another in mathematics. It is sufficient that the fact be without announcing it. The self-love of the student will find it out himself, without information, and his fellows will be ready to acknowledge it, provided that it is not arrogated, or a demand made that it be formally acknowledged. For this takes away the friendship of others, and corrupts the moral feelings of the successful competitor himself. Ambition springs up, that accursed root which poisons the world. Now, you cannot lay your ambition to the charge of schools or colleges: for, you have never been at any seminary whatever, as far as I understand, if I may guess from your want of attainments in academic studies; and yet notwithstanding you have never been in the way of the distinction of grades, and prizes, and literary honours; you have discovered an ambition of a full grown size, even at this early period of your life. It must be a bad nature that has generated this preposterous aiming and stretching at promotion. A wise man will weigh what he undertakes; what his shoulders can bear, and what they cannot. He will consider whether the office is fit for him, or whether he is fit for the office. He will reflect that the shade is oftentimes the most desirable situation. Do you see that bird upon the tree there? It builds its nest with care, and endeavours to render it convenient. But does it build it on the topmost bough, exposed to the sun, and the heavy rain; or rather does it not choose an inferior branch in the thickest of the umbrage? Take a lesson from the fowls of the heaven, and the brutes of the field. It is not the elevation of place, but the conveniency of accommodation that governs them. Ambition is an accursed germ of evil in the human mind. It is equally destructive of the happiness of the possessor and of that of others. You a republican, and yet destitute of republican virtue, the basis of which I take to be humility and self-denial. Were I the master of an academy, the first, and continual lesson would be, to attain science, and be learned; but as to seeming so, to consider it as of no account. Science would discover itself. The possessing knowledge would be its own reward. The concealment of all self-knowledge of this advantage, not only constitutes the decent and the becoming in life, but lays the foundation of emolument in the good will of others. It may be pardonable in early age to have pride in the advantage of bodily form; but we call in question the modesty of a youth, male or female, who seems to set an inordinate value on a limb or a feature. How much less tolerable, the pride of mental superiority. But of all things under heaven the most contemptible, and the least sufferable, is that of incompetency to a trust, and the aspiring to a place for which the candidate is not qualified; or, even if qualified, against modesty, and the claims of others. It brings a man to be the subject of a laugh, and ridicule. Do you know that the making you a judge, was but a farce, in the manner that Sancho Panza was advanced to a government. You have read the Don Quixotte of Cervantes, I presume. But what do I say; you read Don Quixotte! you have read nothing; and yet you would be a judge. Ambition, I tell you is an evil. You have read of Julius Cæsar, in the Roman history. Again I forget myself. You have read nothing. But I may tell you of him. What was the purple to him compared with losing the affections of his countrymen? Though, by the bye, there is some reason to think that it was neck or nothing with him, and that self-preservation made it necessary to usurp the empire, things having come to that state at Rome, that if he did not usurp, another would. But a good republican, and a virtuous man, would rather fall, than save his life at the expence of the rights of others. But it slips my memory that I am talking to a bog-trotter. There is no making a silk purse out of a sows ear. Suppose you were made a judge; in this hurly burly of the public mind, would your standing be secure, even with the most perfect competency for the place? You would not stand two throws of a weavers shuttle. Your chair, under you, would be like an old piece of furniture bought at vendue, put together for sale; the glueing gone, and the joints broken. It would fall before it had felt half your weight, and leave you, with your backside upon the floor. New judges to-day, and the public mind would have desired new judges to-morrow. Consider the physical consequence of being broken from the bench. Take my word it is not a common breaking this; it will affect your frame at every change of the weather. It will make an almanac of your whole system. It will make your joints ache. It will be worse than a sprain in the ancle; or a rheumatism in the limbs; or a sciatica in the small of the back. It will give you a cholic every new moon, and take away your sleep at midnight. It will give you the jaundice; and hurt your complexion. Your eyes will become yellow, and your cheeks green. You will lose your appetite; and not be able to eat, even when you can get it. Why man, it will blister your feet, and break your shins. It will bring you to death's door, before you have lived half your days.

By de holy poker, said Teague, I will be no judge, if dat is de way of it. Dey may judge for demselves; I will be no judge. De devil a judge will I be; I would sooner dig turf or be a horse-jockey at fairs in Ireland, dan be a judge on dose terms; so dey may make whom dey please a judge for me.

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CHAPTER XIV.

CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.

TO speak seriously upon the subject, I doubt much, whether in the present commercial state of society, and where property is not held in common, people would be safe and prosperous without law altogether. I do not know whether, even lawyers are not a necessary evil. It is true, they take up more time, than is perhaps necessary, in their pleadings, and cite more authorities than are absolutely applicable to the point in question. The younger counsel read authorities, to shew that they have read, and the older to prove that they have not forgotten. I would allow ninety-nine cases out of an hundred, that have nothing to do with the matter, but the citing five hundred cases, not one of which is any thing to the purpose, is carrying it to an excess which in strictness cannot be justified. It takes up time, and is not paying a proper respect to the common sense of the country. A little original reason and reflection of the advocate himself might answer the purpose in some cases. The reason of a mans own raising, may be as good as that which is bought at market.

——What is't t'us,
Though it were said by Trismegistus?

Not that I mean to undervalue, much less to lay aside altogether, the assistance of borrowed reason, and the auxiliary deductions of other men, whether on this side the water or beyond it. But there is such a thing as being enslaved to authorities, or at least, loading the argument with too much incumbrance of quotations. It depends a good deal upon the countenance given by the court to such a lumber drawn from old books; yet the correcting it requires, an infinity of care, lest you lose the advantages of recurring to first principles.

Antiquos recludere fontes. The profound divine reads the commentators and thence assists the comments which he makes himself. The avoiding one error leads into a worse.

——Fuga Culpæ,
In vitum ducit.

In tearing up the darnel, the wheat may come with it. The books must be read.

Nocturna manu, versate diurna.

But in an argument, I value more the judgment of selection, than the labour of collecting. It is a flattering thing to a court, to take it for granted, that they understand first principles; and even a jury are not displeased when you seem to suppose in the summing up the evidence, and the remarks upon it, that they themselves can see a thing that is as plain as a pike-staff. Hence long speaking, and an over-minute investigation, is sometimes odious. Or to attempt to make them believe what cannot be believed, makes a man sick, provided he is not disposed to laugh. This depends a good deal on the natural playfulness of his mind or the mood in which he is, from the want of food, or sleep. I excuse the people showing a dissatisfaction to the trial by jury, under the pleadings of advocates, when the harangues, in an evening are like to prove eternal. When the stream of the orator turns upon itself; visits the ground that it had left, and is unwilling to quit the enchanted borders of the argument.

Yet, I think, all things considered, that there is some use in courts of justice; and that it would not consist with ancient habits, to lay them aside all at once. Liberty has been accustomed to them. I do not find that she has ever done without them. Wherever she comes, she seems to call for them.

There is a strange coincidence between liberty, and an established jurisprudence. Whether it be matter of accident, or a connection in the natural existence, may deserve investigation. To give the devil his due, there is a good deal of pains taken in the courts to secure a fair trial, in the empanneling the jurors, and the admissibility of evidence, whether oral or written. As to the protecting the suitors from each other, and what is called the consequential contempt, it is a matter too delicate to touch upon, and we shall pass it by. But it seems to me the peace is better kept, than if there were no courts at all, and no protection given to the parties, relative to the matter in question, even out of doors. However, this I leave to the consideration of the prudent.

Some are of opinion that it would be better to argue all matters of meum, tuum, in the public papers, or in hand-bills posted upon trees. The principal objection I see to this, is that the suitors waxing warm in the controversy, would call one another names and come to blows. A great deal of ill blood between neighbours might show itself. How could you keep lawyers from writing in the gazettes, any more than from speaking at the bar? And here, their jargon reduced to paper, would spread wider, and have more permanence than floating on the atmosphere with which their breath had mixed it in the first instance. The theories of ingenious men are not to be discouraged; yet it is not to be taken for granted that every theory that is plausible, is practicable; and will be found to answer the expectations of the most deliberate projector.

The independence of judges, is a favourite theme with the judiciary themselves. And doubtless there is some reason on their side. For the Scripture says, "the fear of man bringeth a snare;" and the man that has most influence, in elections, is likely to be most feared by an elective officer. It would not be a state conducive to justice; that in giving judgment, the judge should not be under the temptation to be looking about, and turning in his mind, the probability of being turned out in consequence of the judgment he was then to give: whether John O'Nokes, or John O'Stiles were to be the next members of the Legislative body. But this supposes judges fallible, and subject to the weakness of human nature, which is not to be supposed at all.

But if you confer independence any more than in a ministerial officer, the judge becomes impudent. Power corrupts. It is natural to count too much upon a man's standing. Every one overrates his own importance; much more his own services. Self-love, and self-consequence swells, and produces œdematous effects. The man that has given his vote at an election, or written a paper, will conceive that he has turned the election; that day light springs because he has croaked. He will denounce the man that differs from him, as swerving from the faith; the orthodoxy of the creed; making no allowance for the different organization of the brain, and the conception of things. How much more intolerant is a man like to be, that conceives himself fixed in a seat for an interminable period.

There is such a thing as tyranny in judges; and I am no enemy to the investigation of official conduct. But let the power paramount, the people, take care that they exercise not tyranny themselves; or give way to passion, which even in a body politic, is possible. Let the sovereign, like that of all the earth, do justice; and consider that the possession of power is upheld by justice.

But as to the notion of some, that law, lawyers, and judges, might be laid aside altogether; I doubt as already hinted, the good policy of this. At least the experiment may be premature. Republican principles have purified the world a good deal: but I do not know that it is just come to this, that men are universally virtuous. Some vestiges of that iron-age yet remain. The old man of federalism enters yet a little into our dealings with each other. I admit that public offices are pretty well purged; but there are unfair transactions yet spoken of among the multitude. It may be too soon yet to abolish all law, and jurisprudence. I admit that courts of law are a check upon the freedom of the press, and I excuse the publishers of gazettes, in their zeal to have them overthrown, or at least reduced to fear and subordination. Because it is drawing all things to their own examination. But are they sure that they are good republicans in this? Or, indeed, that they consult their own security in the event of this license. For prostrate the courts, and the cudgel prostrates themselves. While they are pushing at a judge, they are preparing the way for some robust man in due time, to push at them. With different weapons it is true. For the bludgeon is corporal, and made of wood, or some other material of a solid substance. It is not the interest of a printer that a judge be rendered timid, by persecution; for he stands between the cudgelist, or pugelist in a controversy with the man of types. Thus the freedom of the press, is supported by the laws, and by the due enforcement of them. Yet it is natural for a man at first view, to think, that if there were no courts, he could write with less restraint. He could make every man tributary to his opinion; or to his measures; for if he did not libel, he could threaten to libel, and compel a submission.

It seems to me that a poor man is safer in a country of laws, than one without laws. "For wealth maketh many friends;" and I do not hear any complaints that the rich are favoured in the courts. But, that may be owing to the mode of trial, which is in the face of the world, and where lawyers are suffered to make as free with the character and conduct of a rich rogue in a cause, as with one of a more circumscribed estate. This last is one argument I have just hit upon, in favour of lawyers; and I find myself well disposed to give them a lift when I can with propriety. For though I would be willing to muzzle them a little in their speeches; yet I do not wish to see them run down altogether.

Fortitude is a requisite qualification in a judge. It requires resolution to preserve order at the bar; overawe petulance; arrest impertinence in manners, or in argument; suppress side-bar conversation; and render the practice tolerable to practitioners of mild and modest demeanor; of delicate and gentle disposition; of scrupulous honour, and liberality in the conduct of a suit, or management in courts. Resolution is necessary to decision unequivocal and satisfactory, unawed by forensic opinion or the influence of individuals. It is dangerous therefore to sap this spirit of independence, by the precarious tenure of the office, while at the same time the right of the citizen is examined, and the power of the court considered in its latitude and operation. All I mean to say, is, that the examination of the judicial conduct is a high trust, in the view of an enlightened public, and answerable to the present time, and to posterity, for the consequences.

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WHAT is the reason of the fluctuations of parties in republics?

The reasons are many. But one is the unskilful driving of the state carriage, by those who get possession of the curricle. Phaeton, you know, though he had the best advice from his father.

In medito tutissimus ibis.

The middle way is the best; yet before the middle of the day, he had set the earth on fire. The people are always honest, but oftentimes the instruments of their own servitude; by distrust where they ought to have confidence, and confidence where they ought to have distrust. The bulk cannot have perfect information; and that reach of thought which observation, and experience gives. They must trust a good deal to others in the science of government, and the expediency of public measures; and it depends upon those whom they do trust, whether the power of a party is long lived, or short. All depends upon the wisdom, and integrity of those that lead. What ruined the federal administration, but the intemperance of driving. The upright disapproved, and the prudent forsook it. The unskilful pilots were not aware of an under current that had begun to set. Extremes will always beget the same effect; and the like tension of a chord, produce a return in a contrary direction. Judgment, how far to go, and where to stop, is the great secret. Trained shaft horses, that will back down the inclined plane of a hill, are excellent in a team. Younglings, though mettlesome and generous, are apt to draw too fast, upon a declivity or even on a plain.

For that reason, I cannot say, that I am favourable to a change of representatives every year, even when what has been done, does not altogether please me. Because experience is a great softener of the mind; it gives knowledge. A man after some time begins to understand the game, and to find out who it is that takes a lead with a view to some object of his own. That may be unfathomable in the early breaking of the business, and yet come out at last. Or a man may come to see his own error, and profit by the recollection.

But how will an honest man in a deliberate body, know what to trust but his own judgment? Nothing. Then let him think humbly, diligently, extensively, distrusting preconceived opinions, and laying his mind open to the light of truth. Yet there may be some rules to guide the judgment. Such as trusting the judgment of others who have had experience in the science, or establishment, relative to which, the question is agitated, or the measure proposed. Every one is to be trusted in that thing, of which he has some knowledge.

That man is to be trusted who is free from the imputation of inordinate selfishness in private life. You will find an artist that is fonder of the art than the emoluments. There are men that connect the public good with their own happiness; generous spirits who manifest this by their disinterestedness in ordinary transactions. This is a good sign, and ought to inspire confidence in their agency, in public matters. The man that covets good will more than money, and the praise of benevolence, more than that of private gain, has some soul in him, and other things equal, is to be trusted before him of a contracted spirit, and self-love, in all his actions.

But after all, things will take their course: and no party in a republic will retain power always, because they will abuse it; but the duration of power in an elective government, will depend considerably upon the being able to distinguish between vigour and moderation.

————

THERE is a natural alliance between liberty and letters. Men of letters are seldom men of wealth, and these naturally ally themselves with the democratic interest in a commonwealth. These form a balance with the bulk of the people, against power, springing from family interest, and large estates. It is not good policy in republicans to declare war against letters; or even to frown upon them, for in literary men is their best support. They are as necessary to them as light to the steps. They are a safe auxiliary; for all they want is, to have the praise of giving information. The study of political law, and municipal jurisprudence qualifies to inform, and hence at the commencement of the American revolution, lawyers were the first to give the alarm and assert the rights of the people. Shall we forget the recent services of lawyers in framing the federal, and state constitutions? The name of lawyer ought not to be hunted down, because there are characters, unworthy of the profession with whom the love of money is inordinate, and insatiable.

There is ground, for the regret, that literary institutions are not favoured; that it has become a popular thing to call out against learning, as not necessary to make republicans. The knowledge of our rights, and capacity to prosecute, and defend them, does not spring from the ground; but from education and study. Under a federal government, we are peculiarly situated. We stand in need of law, learning, and legal abilities to support ourselves in a contest with the claims of the general government, which, as it bounds the state jurisdiction, must in the nature of things encroach upon it. It is of great moment, with a view to this very object that our judiciary be composed of able men that under the concurrent jurisdiction of the courts, it may be able to hold its own: or more especially, that from a want of confidence in the abilities of the state judges, recurrence may not be had to the tribunals of the United States, by legitimate election; or by those collusions against which it is difficult to guard.

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CHAPTER XV.

THE rumour had prevailed, that the judges had been broke.

Is it upon the wheel? said a learned man; for he did not think it could be with the bow-string that they had been punished; for that is the mode towards public officers, in the dominions of the Grand Seignior; nor did he think it could have been with the knout or bastinado; as that is usual only in Russia, and makes a part of the penal code, at the discretion of the Czar.

Not upon the wheel, said a by-stander; they are not broke in that sense of the word. It is but a removal from office, that is intended by the word broke; and not the breaking of the back, or the limbs, or any part of the body.

Why break them? said the learned man, even in that sense of the word? that is remove;

Because they gave a wrong judgment, said the by-stander.

There could na be a better reason, said a Scotch gentleman; it is contrary to the very end o' their creation.

Why not reverse their judgment? said the scholar.

Because it is better to reverse themselves, said the Scotch gentleman; and let them and their judgment a' go together.

At saying this, a person came in who gave intelligence, that the 4th of July being about to be celebrated, the people had made choice of Teague O'Regan, the Captain's man, to deliver an oration, on this, the anniversary of our independence, and to draw up the toasts.

Will absurdities never cease? said the Captain, in a free government? My bog-trotter chosen to deliver an harangue, in commemoration of the men, and measures, of our great national contest! It is for the celebration of the festival. Astonishing!

Teague, said he, I could have put up with the great variety of functions to which you have been proposed; or have proposed yourself; even that of a judge of the courts of law; as being matters of a mere secular nature, and forensic; but to be the organ of the celebration of a festival, which has become in a manner sacred, by the cause to which it is consecrated, is beyond all endurance; and as to the drawing up toasts, or sentiments for the day, you are incompetent. You may be equal to the fabrication of a common-place allusion to the prevailing cry, and make it the voice of the occasion, as for instance, to give a slap at the judges, but as to hitting off thoughts on the principles of government; or practical application in the measures of the administration, you are unequal to the task.

With regard to Teague himself, he had as little thought of delivering an oration, or drawing up toasts as any one else could have. The apothecary who meant to sell medicines on that day, on a stage, had employed him to act in the capacity of tumbler; not that he could tumble; but that he could not tumble; and so, by preposterous attempts at agility would answer the purpose of moving laughter, and drawing the attention of the multitude, who being collected for that purpose, might be drawn into another, the purchase of worm powders, lozenges, and the usual drugs.

The celebration of our national anniversary, will no doubt, be continued while the union of these states exists. It may be continued by the parts probably after a dis-union; an event certain, and inevitable; but which, the wise and the good delight to contemplate as remote; and not likely to happen for innumerable ages. The orations delivered on this day, may greatly contribute to postpone the event of a dis-union, by patriotic, and conciliatory sentiments. For this reason, the best abilities, and the most virtuous hearts ought to be chosen to be the orators of the occasion.

But the toasts, or sentiments given on the convivial libations; not in honour of imaginary deities, as amongst the Greeks and Romans; but in honour of deceased heroes, who have passed from a scene where they were mixed with us, to a scene, where we shall be mixed with them; these expressions of the public mind, ought to be the peculiar care of the aged and the wise. They ought to be the lectures of wisdom. Taking up the matter in this point of view, what delicacy ought to be attached to the expression of sentiment! Let it be considered that on a single thought may depend the essence of liberty; health or poison may be communicated by a word. For the toasts of this day are considered as indications of the public will, and yet without a due sense of the solemn obligations of honour and honesty, toasts are brought forward, perhaps by an individual, in accommodation to a local prejudice, and merely to accomplish the purpose of an election to a public body. For the fact is, that toasts are not always real expressions of the sentiments of even a majority of those who suffer them to pass; they are introduced by the mistake of those, who substitute the sentiments of the uninformed for that of the whole community. But all that is illiberal, on these occasions, ought to be avoided; all inhumanity, and injustice; all anticipation of judgment, on cases depending; all expressions calculated to inflame the decision. For a popular clamour once raised is difficult to be resisted.

Democracy has its strength in strict integrity; in perfect delicacy; in elevation and dignity of mind. It is an unjust imputation, that it is rude in manners, and coarse in expression. This is the characteristic of slaves, in a despotism; not of democrats in a republic. Democracy embraces the idea of standing on virtue alone; unaided by wealth or the power of family. This makes "the noble of nature" of whom Thomas Paine speaks. Shall this noble not know his nobility, and be behind the noble of aristocracy who piques himself upon his honour, and feels a stain upon his delicacy as he would a bodily wound? The democrat is the true chevalier, who, though he wears no crosses, or the emblazoned arms of heraldry, yet is ready to do right and justice to every one. All others are impostors, and do not belong to the order of democracy. Many of these there are, no doubt, false brethren; but shall the democrat complain of usurpation; of undue influence; or oppression and tyranny from ambitious persons; and not be jealous, at the same time, of democratic tyranny in himself, which is the more pernicious, as it brings a slur upon the purest principles?

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IT has been asked, why, in writing this memoir, have I taken my clown, from the Irish nation? The character of the English clown, I did not well understand; nor could I imitate the manner of speaking. That of the Scotch I have tried, as may be seen, in the character of Duncan. But I found it, in my hands, rather insipid. The character of the Irish clown, to use the language of Rousseau, "has more stuff in it." He will attempt any thing.

The American has in fact, yet, no character; neither the clown, nor the gentleman; so that I could not take one from our own country; which I would much rather have done, as the scene lay here. But the midland states of America, and the western parts in general, being half Ireland, the character of the Irish clown, will not be wholly misunderstood. It is true the clown is taken from the aboriginal Irish; a character not so well known in the North of that country; nevertheless, it is still so much known, even there, and amongst the emigrants here, or their descendants, that it will not be wholly thrown away.

On the Irish stages, it is a standing character; and on the theatre in Britain, it is also introduced. I have not been able to do it justice, being but half an Irishman, myself, and not so well acquainted with the reversions, and idiom, of the genuine Thady, as I could wish. However, the imitation at a distance from the original, will better pass than if it had been written, and read, nearer home. Foreigners will not so readily distinguish the incongruities; or, as it is the best we can produce for the present, will more indulgently consider them.

I think it the duty of every man who possesses a faculty, and perhaps a facility of drawing such images, as will amuse his neighbour, to lend a hand, and do something. Have those authors done nothing for the world, whose works would seem to have had no other object but to amuse? In low health; after the fatigue of great mental exertion on solid disquisition; in pain of mind, from disappointed passions; or broken with the sensibilities of sympathy, and affection; it is a relief to try not to think; and this is attainable, in some degree; by light reading. Under sensations of this kind, I have had recourse more than once to Don Quixotte; which doubtless contains a great deal of excellent moral sentiment. But, at the same time, has much, that can serve only to amuse. Even in health, and with a flow of spirits, from prosperous affairs, it diversifies enjoyments, and adds to the happiness of which the mind is capable. I trust, therefore, that the gravest persons, will not be of opinion that I ought to be put out of the church for any appearance of levity, which this work may seem to carry with it.

I know there have been instances, amongst the puritans of clergymen, degraded for singing a Scotch pastoral. But music is a carnal thing compared with putting thoughts on paper. It requires an opening of the mouth, and a rolling of the tongue, whereas thought is wholly spiritual, and depends, not on any modification of the corporeal organs. Music, however, even by the strictest sects, is admissable in sacred harmony, which is an acknowledgment, that even sound, has its uses to soothe the mind or to fit it for contemplation.

I would ask, which is the most entertaining work, Smollet's History of England; or his Humphrey Clinker? For, as to the utility, so far as that depends upon truth, they are both alike. History has been well said to be the Romance of the mind; and Romance the history of the heart. When the son of Robert Walpole asked his father, whether he should read to him out of a book of history; he said; "he was not fond of Romance." This minister had been long engaged in affairs; and from what he had seen of accounts of things within his own knowledge he had little confidence in the relation of things which he had not seen. Except memoirs of person's own times; biographical sketches by cotemporary writers: Voyages, and Travels, that have geographical exactness, there is little of the historical kind, in point of truth, before Roderick Random; or Gil Blas.

The Eastern nations in their tales pretend to nothing but fiction. Nor is the story with them the less amusing because it is not true. Nor is the moral of it less impressive, because the actors never had existence.

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CONCLUSION

COMPARING great things with small, we have written this book in the manner of certain of the ancients; that is, with a dramatic cast. The book of Job, is amongst the earliest of all compositions, and after an introduction containing a history of his misfortunes, and malady, introduces the speakers in three different characters, and names, each sustaining his opinion; and giving the author an opportunity to canvass the subject he had in view, the ways of Providence, and to give lessons of humility and resignation to man.

The Socratic schools, have distinguished themselves, and amongst these chiefly, Plato and his dialogues, and Zenophon, in his Symposium, or Banquet.

It has been followed by the Romans; of whom Cicero in his book treating of the qualifications of an orator, or, as we commonly style it, de oratore, is the happiest instance.

Sir Thomas More introduces his Utopia, in this manner. But the most complete model of such structure of writing, is a posthumous work of David Hume, his "Religion of Nature."

The vehicle which I have chosen of supposed travels, and conversations, affords great scope, and much freedom, and furnishes an opportunity to enliven with incident. Doubtless it is of the same nature, with many things in the novel way, written by philosophic men, who chose that form of writing, for the purpose merely of conveying sentiments, which in a didactic work, under the head of tract or dissertation, could not so easily gain attention, or procure readers.

But the characters which we have introduced, are many of them low. That gives the greater relief to the mind.

The eye withdraws itself, to rest,
Upon the green of folly's breast.

Shakespeare has his Bardolph, Nymn, and Pistol, and the dialogue of these is a relief to the drama of the principal personages. It is so in nature; and why should it not be so represented in the images of her works? We have the sage and the fool, interspersed in society, and the fool gives occasion for the wise man to make his reflections. So in our book.

In the beginning of the work, will be seen "Entered according to act of Congress." How far this might legally exclude extracts from the work, it is not necessary to consider, as the author gives permission to all Journalists to extract what they think proper; and even essayists who write a book, are at liberty to copy with all freedom if they should find themselves at their shifts, or, as we say, a dead lift, for something to diversify their lucubrations. In this case, if the book itself should leave home but little, it will be known abroad by the quotations: and the chances will be multiplied of coming down to posterity, at least as to the title, and perhaps something of the manner, and the execution.

Criticisms, if the bagatelle should seem to deserve it, favourable, or otherwise, will be well taken, with exception only to that style and manner, which we call scurrilous, not so much for our own sake, as for the sake of those who have a propensity that way, and whom we would not wish to encourage, by an express invitation. If they indulge it, it is not amiss for them to know that it is not to our taste, or acceptation. Such as have no other talent, must be indulged; but it is as we indulge the frailties of mortals in other cases. It is a pleasure to have it known that one lives; yet there is no man who would not rather be unknown than much hurt. But though, what is undervaluing, must hurt, yet men of the quill, as erst those of the sword, would rather bear a gentle prick than not have the rare pleasure of playing with a master of the noble science of defence. There is no knowing how our guards may be beaten down; or how the adversary may prick in an unguarded part; but it will be a hard case if our diversions should prove a serious matter, and through the imperfection of language, or our awkwardness, occasion misconception and ill will. Deprecating this, we consign the volume to the public. We do not say the world; for it has got a bad name. We have heard since ever we recollect, the terms, an ungrateful world; a wicked world; a persecuting world. But the word public carries with it a more favourable impression. Public spirit is spoken of as a virtue, and most men profess themselves disposed to serve the public. Taking this distinction, therefore, we hope we are safe in giving this thing publicity, and under this impression, to use a pun, we commit the impression to the booksellers in the first instance, and from them it may go into libraries, or the hands of hawkers, as may happen. "Time and chance happeneth to all men," and must to things.

END OF VOL. I.

MODERN CHIVALRY:

CONTAINING THE

ADVENTURES OF A CAPTAIN

AND

TEAGUE O'REGAN,

HIS SERVANT.

————

BY H. H. BRACKENRIDGE,

Late a Judge of the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania.

WITH THE LAST CORRECTIONS AND ADDITIONS OF THE AUTHOR.

————

—RIDENTEM DICERE VERUM QUID VETAT?—

Hor.

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VOL. II.

——

PITTSBURGH:

PUBLISHED BY R. PATTERSON & LAMBDIN.

Butler & Lambdin, printers.

1819.

MODERN CHIVALRY.

BOOK I.

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CHAPTER I.

THIS work, y'cleped Modern Chivalry, having fallen into the hands of a maker up of vestments for the human body, alias, one by trade a tailor; in the Latin language denominated sartor, vestiarius, sarcinator; for it would seem they had tailors among the Romans; one of these, I say, had come across this book, and reading a little of it occasionally on his shop-board, seems to have felt some irritation at the obscurity of certain terms not well understood, being in the Latin, or Greek language; or derived from thence; so that not being able to get at the root, he could not comprehend the stem of the tree; nor enjoy the adumbration of the branches and foliage. I had received from him the following letter, in which he cites scripture against me; so that I could not well avoid answering him, having made the matter so serious. I do not give the date of his letter to me, nor of mine to him, as not being material as to the predicaments of the ubi or the quando; that is, the when or the where, of Aristotle; nor is it material that I give the name or sir-name; or as the Romans would have said, the nomen, pronomen, or cognomen of the artist in this case. It is sufficient that I give his ideas as they came from under his goose, hot from the press, as they might be said to be. After some introductory compliments, which I omit, he comes to the point, or, in other words, takes up his parable, and says—

"When your book came my way, I read all of it that I could understand, and gave it to my apprentices to read, and I hope it has been useful to them: but no doubt it would have been more so, had it been all written in the English tongue; but unfortunately, some if it is written in a kind of foreign jargon, which neither they nor I have any knowledge of; having only learnt English, or American; but I do not mean to include in what I do not understand, that which is put into the mouth of Teague, as the Irish brogue; nor any thing that Duncan is made to say, or actually did say; for the dialect of Duncan, which is called braid-scots, or what is the same thing, the Scots-irish, was my mother tongue. That I might not be mistaken, I asked a school-master in our town, what language he took it to be with which you so copiously interlard your book. He told me, he took it to be Latin, a language spoken some ten or fifteen hundred year age, by a race of Pagans, who inhabited a part of Italy, and was still used by the Priests of the Romish church in the performance of the more solemn parts of their worship, but was not the vernacular tongue of any people on earth at this day; nor was it likely that it ever would be; though there were words borrowed from it in many of the European languages; which however were now perfectly naturalized, and impatriated. I asked him if he could conjecture what could move you to write Latin; or, at least make Latin quotations to a people very few of whom understood any thing but English, and Dutch, and some Irish? He told me it had long been considered the infallible criterion of a learned man to understand Latin and Greek; that it was very common with writers to throw in sentences here and there, in their productions, in order to let their readers know that they were learned; or, at least, to make them think so. I presume the school-master was correct. But surely there was no necessity to break the thread of your discourse for this vain purpose. I anticipate your repeating those obsolete antiquated arguments that have been so often urged, and so often refuted, to induce people to waste the precious season of youth in learning languages which never can be of any avail to them until the resurrection; and not then, unless they should be placed in a colony of ancient Romans, or Greeks. Nor am I certain that the Latin and Greek which are now learned out of the few remaining books written in ancient times, would be understood by the mass of the people who then lived in those countries. This I know, that, if we could talk no other kind of English than that used by our best poets, and prose-writers, we could not transact much of the business of common life. A shop-keeper, for instance, could not do the business of one day in his shop; nor could we find words sufficient to buy and sell a horse. But, you will say we must know the roots of words. What signifies whence the root came from, or where it lies, if we know the word? To understand English, must a person learn all the languages from which it is derived? If so, he must spend a life in learning languages; and indeed a long life would not suffice. But the thing is absurd. We know that those who never learned Greek, or Latin, understand the meaning of the words, sermon, oration, audience, amorous, subpœna, scire facias, and an endless number of other words, as well as the best Latin, or Greek critics. They understand nothing about their roots, but they understand the ideas they are used to convey, just as well as those who have dug four or five years to reach the root. If half the time of young people were employed in acquiring a knowledge of the English tongue, that is wasted in teaching them dead languages, they would be much better English scholars. Solomon says, "a living dog is better than a dead lion." But I have no objection that those who can afford it may learn as many languages as they please; provided that men of sense would not indulge the vanity of mixing their writings with unknown phrases. This induces people to buy their books; to whose great disappointment, and mortification, when they peruse them, they find the sense every now and then, broken and interrupted, by foreign jargon, without any explanation or interpretation, which would be quite as well, were it left blank. Now there is no justification, nor even apology, for the trick; for those who understand the English and Latin, would understand it as well were it all English. But thousands who could understand it were it English, cannot make sense of the Latin; and often without understanding the Latin, the sense of a good deal of what goes before, and follows after, is lost. If a man will write Latin, let him write his whole book in Latin, and in that case mere English scholars will not be imposed on. Nothing in the world frets, or vexes me more than to be stopped in a subject in which I feel myself deeply engaged, by a gap filled up with the rubbish of an unknown tongue. Permit me to call your attention to the 14th chapter of Paul's first epistle to the Corinthians. St. Paul understood as many languages, both by inspiration and by education, as all the lawyers, doctors, and divines in America; yet he had not the vanity of making a display of his learning where it could answer no good purpose; and severely censures those who did so. He seems to have been fully sensible of his great gifts and acquirements in this matter; yet he despised exercising those gifts merely to shew his skill, and to puzzle those whom he addressed. I am inclined to think that those tongues which Paul understood so well, were living tongues, not languages, which were dead and buried some thousand years before his time. It is probable he understood the Hebrew, and whether or no this was the language spoken by the Jews in Paul's time, I am not antiquarian enough to know; but rather think from their being so long mixed with other nations, it was not the ancient Hebrew. If so, I am persuaded he would not bother them with it, either in his speeches or writings. If I were in the habit of betting, I would venture something that his epistle to the Hebrews is neither written in the ancient Hebrew tongue, nor is it crammed every where with quotations from this tongue. St. Paul was an humble modest man, and neither vain of his attainments nor of his gifts; I mean those which he had by inspiration, or by education."

So far this respectable mechanic, to whom, as civility demanded, I drew up, and directed an answer; and having given that from him to me, a place here, it will be but justice to myself to insert that to him from me, in this book also. It was as follows:

"In that very epistle which you cite, we have the authority of St. Paul in favour of acquiring languages. In verse 5 of chapter 14, he says, "I would that ye all spake with tongues." In our day, when inspiration has ceased, it is only by human means, that a knowledge of tongues can be acquired; nevertheless the advantage must remain the same; and the Apostle must be considered as still disposed to say, "I would that ye all spake with tongues." To say the least of it, it can do no harm even now, to be able to converse in more languages than one, though there may not be the same necessity as at an early period, where the gospel was to be preached to every creature. Whether the time is wholly thrown away, that is spent at the academies, in acquiring a knowledge of the books that are written in those tongues, is a dispute into which I shall not enter; because the chief thing that I am anxious to defend myself against, is, the impropriety of introducing the knowledge that one has of these, in an improper place; that is, to those who do not understand them; which may be considered, supposing the acquisition valuable, as "throwing pearls before swine." As to the imposing upon a purchaser, it is out of the question, since the bookseller will permit one to look at the book before he purchases. And if he sees any thing like Latin, or Greek, he can refuse to purchase. He is under no necessity of purchasing a pig in a poke, in this case; and as to fretting and vexing the reader, it must be refered to his own evil passions to be so disquieted when he has purchased with his eyes open. You seem to speak in this case, or at least to write, as if all books were to be made for you, and to your particular taste; not considering that there are some who value a work the more for having a sprinkling of Greek, and Latin, or other language, dead or living. When you make a coat for your customers, do you not find some who will chuse a cape of velvet to a cloth coat; and, perhaps, the cape of a different colour from the coat? If you were to make up coats not bespoke, would you not look to the possible taste of what might be thought fashionable, and adjust your own judgment to that of the public's, and put, perhaps, buttons on the henches where there is no use for them; and not even holes along-side, to accomplish the fashioning of part to part? For you could not be sure that those alone of the Friends, or Quaker society, would be your customers. The costume of military men is blue and buff, or red and white facings, in some instances, and it will behoove you to accomodate to this, though your own choice would be a coat of one colour throughout. We find from the scripture, that "Israel made his son Joseph, a coat of many colours." This, doubtless, because according to his notions of things, it was the more splendid. Whether it was woven with stripes of many colours, or of mixed dies in the warp and woof, like the plaid of the Caledonians, the text does not say. It might be made up of small pieces of different colours, put together as thrifty housewives make what is called patch-work. I have seen what is called a rag carpet, made up by industrious women; and variegated from the materials of which it was composed. Hogarth, in his analysis of beauty, lays down variety to be a principle of this, as well as utility. To reduce, therefore, every thing to what is absolutely of one appearance, would interfere with the embellishments of dress, and, in may other cases, with what pleases the eye. Why does nature give us red, purple and all the colours of the rain-bow, in trees, plants, and flowers, but because these please the sense of man? But the eye, you will say, can comprehend these, but the unlettered mind cannot comprehend Latin, much less Greek, or Hebrew, or Samaritan. But is there not a sublimity in the obscure? At least the great Burk, in his treatise on the sublime, so lays it down. In the natural world there is something in darkness, which impresses the mind with awe. A lowering cloud brings an impression of dignity, and grandeur. In the moral world, is there not more mystery, than in what is self-evident? Why, otherwise, do we value preachers in the pulpit, in proportion to their dwelling on what is unintelligible? Mere mortality, and nothing more, says the hearer; I want something that I cannot understand. What sort of doctrine is that which is little more than human knowledge; and being so, cannot be orthodox? Give me the divine, says one, that will speak through his nose, whack the pulpit, and make the whole house ring; who will shut his eyes, and open his mouth, and stamp with his foot. It is of no moment whether I understand his words or not; or rather, I would not wish to understand him, for if I did, I would take it for granted that it was not so deep as it ought to be.

"This book is written for individuals of all attainments, and of all grades of intellects. What hinders me, therefore, to season the work with what may please the Latin and Greek scholar? I refer you to your own Paul, who says in the same epistle, chapter 9th, verse 22d, "To the weak, I became as weak, that I might gain the weak." Now supposing me to consider this pie-balding of a work, by the interspersion of different languages, to be but little more than pedantry; and to savour of an affectation of learning; yet, may I not be looking at some great examples over the water, or perhaps on this side, who have seasoned their compositions with the same salt and pepper, which, to the natural taste, might not perhaps be so well suited. You appear to be a good religious man, by your quoting St. Paul; and no doubt have read some, or perhaps most of the religious books that have been published in England and Scotland, subsequent to the era of the reformation, or about that time; and will you not find these abundantly replete with quotations from the Greek and Latin fathers; and it cannot be supposed that the tradesmen of that day were better acquainted with what are called the dead languages than what you allege yourself to be. And yet I doubt whether, on a new edition of these writings, you would suffer those sentiments, though in an unintelligible tongue, to be struck out of those books; and yet you complain because in this unsanctified work I make a little free; or cabbage a sentence, now and then, from a Pagan poet, or prose writer, because fraught with good sense and sound morality. Why not translate these quotations, you will say; because I am afraid of affronting learned men, who would resent it as being thought necessary to them. What? they would say; did this block-head take it for granted that we were all peddlars and bog-trotters in this country, and did not understand the Greek, or Latin tongue? If that is the case, let it be left to Snip, or Crispin, or Traddle to read it. As for us, we have no need of a translation of sentences that are in every one's mouth, that can pretend to be scholars."

Such was my answer to this respectable mechanic. For though I have used the words, Snip, Crispin, or Traddle, it will not be supposed, or at least ought not to be supposed that I mean to undervalue handicraft persons; but simply as designating occupation; for I must consider myself as related to all of these; not because of the family of Adam; for we are all related in that way; but as being of a race that, for what I know, had more of these in its heraldry, than feudal chieftains, or lettered men.

But what could be expected from an unlettered man writing to me, but a misconception of the advantages to be derived from classical learning, and a repugnance to all that did not flatter the vanity of such readers; but must put them in mind of the deficiency of their education? With such, what can we expect but levelling sentiments in church and state? It is the nature of man, that if he cannot raise himself to the attainments of the learned, he will be disposed to bring down academic studies to his own opportunities. There have been even men of academic education, on our day, that to escape the imputation of pedantry, will avoid even at the bar, the uttering a Latin maxim, though they may have these derived from the civil law, at their finger ends. Not so, Mansfield, or Kenyon, or M'Donald, or Ellenborough; at least not so Coke, or Bacon, Campden, or other great masters of the law. Profound research is not inconsistent with such squeamishness of shunning quotations in the learned languages, but a richness of quotation of pithy sentences in the Latin tongue, is some evidence of reading such reports as those of Dyer, Plowden, and Hobart.

We cannot entertain a doubt, consistent with revelation, but that at the first propagation of the gospel, the gift of tongues was communicated to simple men by inspiration; but, in what proportion we do not find. For, that there was less or more in the communication, is evident from what Paul says; "I thank my God, I speak with tongues more than ye all." But if speaking with tongues was considered a blessing, from inspiration, is the acquiring these by ordinary means, to be undervalued? A knowledge of languages, can be acquired only in the academies, or by travelling, unless the individual has had the advantages of several cradle languages, or vernacular tongues taught in his infancy; which was the case with Paul, having had the advantage of being born of Hebrew parents; and of being bred at Tarsus, where the boys in the street spoke Greek, Latin, Syriac, and perhaps many other tongues. This being a city alternately under the dominion of the Greeks, the Romans, the kings of Syria, and others. St. Paul had this advantage over other Apostles, setting aside what he might have had by inspiration. Doubtless he reproves the making a parade of these or any other endowments of the body or mind, or the speaking to people in a language, who understood it not. But what has this to do with the making a book, when it cannot be told who will take it up to read it? It may be one who can understand nothing but the Latin part of it; and is it not reasonable that he should have something for his money; the author in the mean time putting off his manufacture by what some readers may consider an ornament, and not a blemish? It is thus that we set down upon a table, meats to suit all palates. There would appear to me to be an error of thinking in the epistle of the manufacturer, which is inconsistent with that acuteness of mind which is evinced by his observations. You can discover not so much a want of judgment, as a force of self-love that precludes the looking at both sides of the subject. I can easily see that he has not a mind as he affects to have; as small as a hole made by his bodkin, not to allow people to set off their wares in their own way.

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CHAPTER II.

IF the memoir of the bog-trotter had not advanced the author to a professor's chair; it had, at least, procured him admission to a number of learned societies; abroad and at home: should a new edition of the work come to be published, it will take up, at least, two quarto pages, to contain the names of these memberships, and honours.

But, notwithstanding the most pressing solicitations, he could not be brought to accept of an introduction to the St. Tammany society; owing to the impression which he still retained of being an Indian chief, from which he had a narrow escape in the early part of this work. For unfortunately, it had been explained to him, that St. Tammany was an Indian Saint; and that the Society met in a wigwam, and exchanged belts. They offered to make him a Sachem; but all to no purpose; the idea of scalping, and tomhacking, hung still upon his mind. It was, by compulsion, in France, that he took upon him the character of an Esquimaux, in the procession of Anacharsis Clootz.

The Captain presented himself to the Society, explaining these things; and that in fact, such had been the alarm of the author of the memoir, at the proposition of being made a member, that he had absconded a day or two before. The Society took his excuse; and made the Captain an honorary member in his place.

This was no object with the Captain, as he was a candidate for no office; and could draw no advantage from a promiscuous association. Nor did he see that he could be of any use to mankind in this new capacity, as the propagation of the gospel in foreign parts, or amongst the savages, made no part of the duty. For though Tammany himself may have been a Saint, there are few of his disciples that can pretend to sanctity, superior to common christians. Or, at least, their piety consists more in contemplation, than in active charity, and practice. We hear of no missionaries from them, amongst the aborigines of the continent, as we should be led to expect from being called the St. Tammany Society. For it is to be presumed, that this Saint had been advanced into the calender from the propagation of the christian faith, as was St. Patrick, St. Andrew, and others. And though, as these old societies, with that of St. George, St. David, &c. the duty of Evangelists may be excused, the countries to which they belong, being long since christianized; yet the native Americans which St. Tammany represents, are whole nations of them infidels. The sons of St. Tammany ought certainly to think a little of their brothers that are yet in blindness, and lend a hand to bring them to light. It is not understood, that even a talk has been held with a single nation of our western tribes; though it could have cost but a few blankets, and a keg of rum to bring them together; and in council a little wampum, and kilikaneeque.

But our modern churches, have not the zeal of the primitive: or that zeal is directed to a different object, the building up the faith at home; and that in civil affairs, more than spiritual doctrines. It is not the time now to go about "in sheepskins, and goatskins," to convert the heathen to the gospel; but the citizens to vote for this or that candidate. The Cincinnati being a mere secular society, is excusable; but the Saint Societies, would seem in this, to depart from the etymology of their denomination. I know that some remark on the word Cincinnatus; and think that it ought to be pronounced as well as spelled, St. Cinnatus; and in that case all would be on a footing. I have no objection, provided that it makes no schism; for even the alteration of a name might make a schism. and a schism in a society militant, such as this is, might occasion a war of swords; and not a war of words only. I will acknowledge that I would like to have the thing uniform, St. Cinnatus, with the rest. So that if it could be brought about without controversy, it would contribute to the unity of designation. But controversy, is, above all things to be avoided. And nothing is more apt to engender controversy, than small matters, because, small things are more easily lost than great. Or, because it vexes a man more, to find his adversary boggle at a trifling matter of orthodoxy when he has swallowed the great articles of credence, than to have to pull him up, a cable's length, to some broad notion, that separates opinion and belief. To apply it to the matter of the spelling; qui hæret in litera, hæret in cortice. That is, to give it in English, it may depend upon a single letter how to draw the cork. All consideration therefore ought to be sacrificed to good humour, and conviviality, and I would rather let the heathen name remain, than christian it at the expense of harmony, and concord. But to return from this digression, to the St. Tammany Society, of which I was speaking, and which had some time ago convened.

It was a new thing to the Captain, to take a seat in the wigwam, and to smoke the calumet of peace. But he was disappointed in his expectations, of seeing Indian manners, and customs introduced, and made a part of the ceremony. There was some talk of brightening the chain, and burying the hatchet; but he saw no war dance. What is more, even the young warriors were destitute of the dress. There was not a moccasin to be seen on the foot of any of them; not a breechclout; nor had they even the natural; or rather, native brands and marks, of a true born Indian. No ear cut in ringlets; no broach in the nose; or tatooing on the breast. All was as smooth, and undisfigured, as the anglo Americans that inhabit our towns, and villages.

The Grand Sachem, made a speech to the Captain, not in Indian; but in German; which answered the end as well; for he did not understand it. But it was interpreted, and related to the proposition of making him a Chief, which he declined, professing that it was more his wish to remain a common Indian, than to be made even a half-king,* not having it in view to remain much in the nation; or attend the council fires a great deal. He contented himself with putting some queries, relative to the history of St. Tammany; of what nation he was? Did he belong to the North, or the South? The East, or the West? On what waters did he make his Camp? How many moons ago did he live? Where did he hunt? Who converted him? or whom did he convert? Why take an Indian for the tutelary saint of the whites? Why not Columbus; or Cabot? Where did this saintship originate?

[*A half-king, means double king, or king of two nations, who have him split between them.]

To these queries, the Chiefs could give no answer; nor is it of much moment whether they could or not. Some of them are not worth answering.

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OBSERVATIONS.

AMONG the Romans, there was a kind creature, of the name of Apollo, who stood by people, and when they were doing wrong, would give them a twitch of the ear, to bid them stop.

Aurum velluit.——

I cannot say, that I felt just such a twitch while I was writing the last chapter; unless figuratively; meaning some little twitch of the mind, recollecting, and reflecting, that it might possibly give offence to public bodies, and societies, especially, the St. Tammany; and Cincinnati; though none was intended. But it is impossible to anticipate in all cases, the sensations of others.—Things will give offence, that were meant to inform, and assist; or to please and divert. In the case of public bodies especially, no man knows, what may make an unfavorable impression. It is necessary, or, unavoidable as it might be translated "that offences come, but wo to him by whom they come." One would think that in a free country, there might be some little more moderation with regard to what is done and said. It is a maxim in law, that words are to be construed, "mitior sensu;" or, in the milder sense. It is a scriptural definition of charity, "that it is not easily provoked."—Whereas, on the contrary, an uncharitable disposition, is ready to misconstrue, & convert to an offence. A town, a society, a public body, of any kind might be presumed to bear more than an individual, because, the offence being divided amongst a greater number; it can be but a little, that will be at the expense of any one person. If therefore, any son of St. Tammany, or St. Cincinnatus, should feel himself hurt by our lucubration, let him consider that it is better to laugh than be angry; and he will save himself, if he begins to laugh first. Though, after all, some will say, there is nothing to laugh at; and in this, they will be right. For at the most, it can only be a smile. It is a characteristic of the comedy of Terence; that he never forces your laugh; but to smile only. That I take to be the criterion of a delicate and refined wit; and which was becoming the lepos, or humour of such men, as Lelius and Scipio, who are thought to have formed his taste, and assisted him in his dramatic compositions. Yet I must confess, if I could reach it, I would like the broad laugh; but it is difficult to effect this, and, not, at the same time, fall into buffoonery, and low humour. Laughing is certainly favourable to the lungs; and happy the man, whose imagination leads him to risible sensations, rather than to melancholy.

All work, and no play, makes Jack a dull boy. But I have no idea of laughing, any more than of playing, without having performed the necessary task of duty, or labour. An idle laughing fool, is contemptible and odious; and laughing too much is an extreme which the wise will avoid. Take care not to laugh, when there is nothing to laugh at. I can always know a man's sense, by his song, his story, or his laugh. I will not say his temper; or principles; but certainly his share of understanding. The truth is, this composition has more for its object than merely to amuse, though that is an object. But I doubt whether we shall receive credit for our good intentions. For truth lies in a well; and unless there is some one to draw the bucket, there is no getting it up.

We have been often asked for a key to this work. Every man of sense has the key in his own pocket.—His own feelings; his own experience is the key. It is astonishing, with what avidity, we look for the application of satire which is general, and never had a prototype. But the fact is, that, in this work, the picture is taken from human nature, generally, and has no individual in view. It was never meant as a satire upon men; but upon things. An easy way, to slur sentiments, under the guise of allegory; which could not otherwise make their way to the ears of the curious. Can any man suppose, upon reflection, that if ridicule was intended upon real persons, it would be conveyed in so bungling a manner that people would be at a loss to know, who was meant? That is not the way we fix our fools caps.

Let any man put it to himself, and say, would he wish to be of those that give pain by personal allusion, & abuse? Self-love, for a moment, may relish the stricture; but could never endure to be thought the author. In attacking reputation, there are two things to be considered, the manner, and the object. When the object is praise-worthy, there is an openness, a frankness, and manliness of manner, which commands respect. But even where the object is a public good, the manner may excite contempt. Let our editors of news-papers look to this, of them who wish to be considered gentlemen; such as have no character to lose, and never wish to have any, may take all the liberties and occupy their own grade.

But as we were saying, public bodies and societies of men, ought not to take offence easily; nor resent violently. "As they are strong, be merciful." A single person is not on a footing with a great number. He can-not withstand the whole, if they should take offence without reason; and he may be consciously scrupulous of fighting; or may be afraid to fight; which will answer the end just as well; or he may have the good sense and fortitude, to declare off; which by the bye requires more courage, than the bulk of men possess. It requires a courage above all false opinion; and the custom will never be put out of countenance, until some brave men set the example.—There is nothing that a wise man need fear, but dishonor, founded on the charge of a want of virtue; on that which all men, of all places, and of all times, will acknowledge to be disreputable. Under this head, will not be found the refusal of a challenge. Nothing can be great, the contempt of which, is great. Is it not great to despise prejudice, and false opinion? "He that ruleth his spirit, is greater than he that taketh a city:" but, he that is above the false sentiments of others, presents to me the image of a superior power, that ascends through the vapours of the atmosphere and dissipates the fog. The world is indebted to the man that refuses a challenge; but who can owe any thing to him that accepts it; for he sanctions an unjust law.—Doubtless, the accepting of a challenge, is pardonable as a weakness; but still it is a weakness. The man is a hero, who can withstand unjust opinion. It requires more courage, than to fight duels.—To sustain life, under certain circumstances, calls for more resolution than to commit suicide. Yet suicide is not reputable. Brutus in the schools condemned it; but at Philippi, adopted it: Because his courage failed him.

But cudgelling, follows the refusal of a challenge. Not if there is instant notice given to a peace officer. But posting follows. Notice of that may be given also, and a court and jury brought to criticise upon the libel.

Why is it, that a public body is more apt to take offence than an individual? Because, every one becomes of consequence in proportion as he is careful of the honour of the whole. It is oftentimes a mere matter of accident, whether the thing is well, or ill taken. If one would happen to call out, that it is an insult, another is unwilling to question it, lest he should be suspected of incivicism, and lose his standing in society in general; or, in that to which he more particularly belongs. The misconception of one forces itself upon another; and misconstruction prevails. That which was the strongest proof of confidence in the integrity and justice of the body, is viewed as distrust; and a concern for their honour, considered a reproach. The most respectful language termed insolence. Implicit submission attributed to disrespect. Self-denial overlooked, and wantonness of insult substituted in its place. This, all the offspring of mistake; which it is the duty of the individual to remove. But how can he speak if his head is off, before he knows that the offence is taken? Protesting therefore that I mean no offence to either of these societies, or the individual members, in any thing I have said; I request them to take it in good part; or, if there should seem to be ground of affront, they will give me a hearing, and an opportunity to explain.

There is no anticipating absolutely, and to all extent, what a person might say for himself if he was heard. That presumption which had existed might be removed. His motives might appear laudable; or at the worst, originating in a pardonable weakness. Whether or not, the credit of the tribunal with the world, might render it expedient to observe these appearances; they did it in France under the revolutionary government; and even the emperor seems to consider it as indispensible. If therefore any thing in these chapters should unfortunately give umbrage to the sons of St. Tammany, or to the Cincinnati members, I pray a citation, and demand a hearing. I trust I shall be able to convince them that I am not deficient in respect for them individually, or as public bodies.

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CHAPTER III.

THE Captain walking by himself, could not avoid reflecting on the nature of government; a union of souls, and corporal force. It makes all the difference that we see between the savage, and civilized life. The plough, the pully, the anchor, and the potters wheel, are the offspring of government; the loom, the anvil, and the press. But how difficult to link man with man; how difficult to preserve a free government; The easiest thing in the world, says the clown, if the sage will only let it alone. It is the philosopher that ruins all.

There is some foundation for this. A mere philosopher is but a fool, in matters of business. Even in speculation, he sometimes imagines nonsense. Sir Thomas More's Utopia has become a model for a free government. Locke's Project was tried in South Carolina. It was found wanting. Imagination and experiment are distinct things. There is such a thing as practical sense. Do we not see instances of this every day?—Men who can talk freely, but do nothing. They fail in every thing they attempt. There is too much vision mixed with the fact. Want of information of what has been; the not examining the fitness and congruity of things, leads to this. You see a tradesman framing a machine. A chip less or more spoils the joint.

Where is the best account to be found of the Roman commonwealth? In Polybius. In what did its excellence consist? In its balances. What invented these? The exigencies of the case. Some were adopted in the first instance; others as remedies to the mischiefs that occurred. Were the sages of any use here? A little. Salust says; "considering the history of the Roman people, that the Gauls were before them in bravery, and the Greeks in eloquence; yet Rome, has become the mistress of the world; I have found that it has been owing to a few great men that happened to rise in it." Were these men demagogues? Not in a bad sense of the word. They did not deceive the people for their own ends. How do demagogues deceive people? How do you catch a nag? You hold a bridle in your left hand, behind your back; and a hat in your right, as if there were something in it, and cry cope. What do demagogues want by deceiving the people? To ride them. What do they pretend they have in the hat? oats, salt; any thing they find a horse likes.

How do you distinguish the demagogue from the patriot?—The demagogue flatters the clown, and finds fault with the sage.—The patriot, and the sage, unless you mean the vain philosopher, mean the same thing. The Jewish prophets were all of them sages. They were seers, or men that saw far into things. You will find they were no slouches at blaming the people. "My people, Israel, is destroyed for lack of knowledge." "I am wounded in the house of my friends."—This may be said of liberty, when republicans give it a stab. The lamentations of Jeremiah are but the weepings of a patriot over the errors of the people. Yet the people are always right, say the demagogues. I doubt that. Tom fool may laugh at the expression, "save the people from themselves." Nevertheless, there is something in it. It is a Scripture phrase, "go not with a multitude to do evil;" which would seem to imply that the multitude will sometimes do wrong.

Do the multitude invent arts; Or some individuals among them? It is sometimes a matter of accident. Sometimes a matter of genius. But it is but one out of a thousand that happens to hit upon it; or that has the invention to contrive. But government is an easy matter; and has no wheels like a watch. What is it that enables one man to see farther into things than another in matters of government? What is it that makes him a seer? Thinking, looking, examining. Does it come by inspiration? More by experience. What are the wheels in our government that are like to go first? The judiciary, the senate, the governor. Is this the order in which they will go? Precisely. Does any man mean it? Not at all. How can it happen? In the natural progress of things. Will one house become a tyrant? It will come to be the few; and the few are always tyrants. Will it be but a few in the house, that will govern? It will come to one at last. It will take fifty years to bring it to this. I do not say that it will be a hop, step, and jump; or a running leap, all at once.

But we have the press here. Suppose a leading print in the hands of a patriot. He will keep all right. Yes, provided he is a sage at the same time. That is, that his information on the nature of government, is equal to his patriotism; or that his passion does not betray him into error; the journal of L'Ami du peuple by Marat, was patriotic; but it ruined the republic. An uninformed inflammatory print, is a corruptress of public opinion. It is the torch that sets Troy on fire. There is no Marat, amongst us, at the head of a Journal; but there may come to be. It is a difficult thing to trim the state vessel. The altering the stowage will put out of trim. The Hancock was taken by altering the stowage. It destroyed the trim. Yet trimmers are unfavourably spoken of. That is, I presume halting between two opinions. "Why halt ye between two opinions?" But preservers of the balance are not trimmers in this sense of the word.

But how is it that the people can do wrong, when they mean well? An uninformed spirit of reform may prevail. How can passion prevail? The axletree is heated, by the nave, and the hob is set on fire. The nave heats itself by its own motion; and fire is communicated to the whole carriage.

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CHAPTER IV.

THIS was the day of the fair held twice a year in the village. The people had come in and erected booths. The Captain took a walk to see the fair, and on the first stall he saw boxes. What are these, said the Captain? Cases for lawyers, said the Chapman. What will the lawyers do with these, said the Captain? Put them on their posteriors, said the Chapman. That will make them look like soldiers, with cartouch boxes, said the Captain. No matter for that, said the Chapman. A lawyer can no more move without cases, than a snail without a shell. They must have authorities.

They have too many sometimes, said the Captain, as I have heard the blind lawyer say; but your cases, or cartouch boxes, I presume are meant as a burlesque. Not altogether so, said the Chapman; but a little bordering on it. These boxes might answer the purposes, of carrying cases, to the court; but an honest man might put them to a better use: so I say no more but sell my wares to the customer.

At the next stall was Tom the Tinker, with old kettles mended, and new ones for sale. Ay, Tom, said the Captain, this is better than resisting laws;* even the excise law.

[*The chief of the insurrection, in the western parts of Pennsylvania, in the year 1794, called himself, Tom the Tinker.]

I have found out a better way than resisting laws, now, said the Tinker.

What is that, said the Captain?

Abolish the courts, and demolish the judges, and the laws will go of themselves.

Ah! Tom, said the Captain, leave the public functionaries, to the public bodies; you have nothing to do with them.

But I should have something to do with them, said the Tinker, if I had a voice in a public body.

But you have not a voice, said the Captain.

But I may have, said the Tinker.

I would rather hear your voice in your shop, said the Captain; and the sound of your hammer, on a coffee pot, or a tea kettle. You can patch a brass candle-stick, better than the state, yet, I take it, Tom.

Or solder spoons either, said Tom; but every thing must have a beginning.

At the next stall was a hard-ware man; in the next, a Potter with his jugs. Anacharsis, according to Diogenes Laertius, invented the anchor, and the potter's wheel; he was a more useful man than him that invented fire-arms; though it is a question with some, whether gunpowder has not rendered war less sanguinary.

A toyman had his stall next. As the Captain was looking at his baubles, an accident happened on the other side of the way. At a short turn, a cart had overset. It was light, and loaded with empty kegs. Nevertheless the driver wanted help to lift it up.

The Chapman, the Toyman, the Potter, the Hard-ware man, and Tom the Tinker were endeavouring to assist. The Tinker and the Hard-ware man, had set their shoulders, to the cart.—They hove it up; but, by too violent a push threw it to the other side. The Chapman, and Toyman, thought to set the matter right, and in the adverse direction, applied their force, being on the other side the cart; and to do them justice, gave a good hoist; but over-did the matter, as much as was done before; for the cart came back and lay prostrate in the same direction, as at first.

The driver, in the mean time, was dissatisfied. Gentlemen, said he, do you mean to assist, or to ruin me? It may be sport to you; but it is a loss to me, to have my cart broke, and my kegs staved. It is all wrong, said the Captain. Why not let the thing stand upon the horizontal? None of your tricks upon travellers. Let the poor man's cart have fair play, and stand upon its own bottom.

Aye, aye, said a misanthrope; this comes of bad doings.—You must be going to the woods and disturbing innocent forests; cutting down young trees; making staves, and hooping kegs. This is just the way they make laws; to hoop people as you would a barrel. It is right to overturn the cart, on account of the manufacture it carries.

Ah! it is in this manner, said a moral-drawing man; that people overturn the state. If the vehicle goes to the one side, it is the act of a patriot to set it right. But unskilful persons, pass the line of gravity; so that as much mischief arises, from too much force as too little. Passing the line of gravitation, in erecting a body, is like wounding a principle of the Constitution. All errors of expediency may be amended; but the violations of principle are vital, and terminate in death.

Put that fellow in the pulpit, and he could preach, said a by-stander; do you hear what a sermon, he makes upon a cart? He could take a text; Nebuchadnezzar, or Zerubabel; and lengthen out a discourse for a fortnight.

In the mean time, the Captain, was almost carried off his feet, by a crowd of people going to see the learned pig. Has he the tongues, said Angus Sutherland, a Scotchman? He has two, said a wag. The Hebrew, and the Erse, I trow, said the Scotchman. No; the squeel and the gruntle, I ween, said the drolling person. That is his vernacular, said the Scotchman; but I mean his acquired languages. I do not know that he has acquired any, said the drolling man; but he is considerably perfected in those that he had before.

Weel, that is something, said Angus; but he has got a smack o' the mathematics, I suppose. A little of algebra, said the wag; the plus, and minus, he understands pretty well.

The conversation, was interrupted by the vociferation of a man, in soliloquy at a distance. He appeared to be in great agitation: clinching his fists, and striking them against each other. An abominable, slander, said he; I a scholar! I a learned man! it is a falsehood. See me reading! He never saw me read. I do not know a B from a bull's foot. But this is the way to injure a man in his election. They report of me that I am a scholar! It is a malicious fabrication. I can prove it false. It is a groundless insinuation. What a wicked world is this in which we live. I a scholar! I am a son of a whore, if I ever opened a book in my life. O! The calumny; the malice of the report. All to destroy my election.

Were you not seen carrying books, said a neighbour?

Aye, said the distressed man; two books that a student had borrowed from a clergyman. But did I look into them? Did any man see me open the books? I will be sworn upon the evangelists: I will take my Bible oath, I never looked into them.—I am innocent of letters as the child unborn. I am an illiterate man, God, be praised, and free from the sin of learning, or any wicked art, as I hope to be saved; but here a report is raised up, that I have dealings in books, that I can read. O! The wickedness of this world! Is there no protection from slander, and bad report? God help me! Here I am, an honest republican; a good citizen, and yet it is reported of me, that I read books. O! The tongues of men! Who can stop reproach? I am ruined; I shall loose my election; and the good will of all my neighbours, and the confidence of posterity. It is a dreadful thing that all the discretion of a man, cannot save him from evil speaking, and defamation.

It is a strange contrast, thought the Captain, that we admire learning in a pig, and undervalue it in a man. The time was, when learning would save a man's neck; but now it endangers it. The neck verse, is reversed, that is, the effect of it. For the man that can read goes to the wall; not him that is ignorant. But such are the revolutions of opinion.

Of all things in the world, said a speculative philosopher, I would the least expect science in a pig; though the swinish multitude are not without good moral qualities; or the semblance of these, by propensitive instinct. The herd of deer avoid, or beat off the chased, or wounded companion; but attack a hog in a gang, and the bristles of all are up, to make battle. There is an esprit de corps; or a principle of self-preservation. They do not wait until they are taken off one by one; but make a common cause in the first instance. When the twenty-one deputies in the national assembly of France, were denounced, there were, no doubt, a great number that saw the injustice; but not the consequence. They were willing that the bolt should pass by themselves, and were silent. But those that followed, soon felt the case to be their own, though they did not make it so at first. The hogs have more sense or nature is more faithful than reason. A sailor on board a ship may not like his comrades; but if they are charged with mutiny wrongfully, he is interested and will see it if he is wise. It concerns him that they be dealt with fairly, for injustice to them leads to injustice to himself. A third mate may dislike the first, or second, or the captain himself, and have no objection to change them; but the mistake, or injustice of owners towards these, affects himself. If one goes at this turn, another may go at the next; until all fall to unjust accusation. If the independence, and safety of command is affected, all officers suffer, and the service is injured. The picking off one at a time is politic in those that assail, but fatal to those that are assailed. Polyphemus devoured but one of the soldiers of Ulysses in a day. So that it does not follow, that hog likes hog, more than sheep likes sheep; or that bristle champion for bristle; when he comes to take his part; but that, the law of self-preservation, is better understood; or felt by this animal. But as to teaching a pig any thing like human knowledge, though not a new thing, would seem to be of little use. Crows were taught to speak in the time of Augustus Cæsar as we find from the story of the cobler, and his crow. The Poet Virgil talks of cattle speaking:

——Pecudesque locutæ.

But this was a prodigy. Learning must go somewhere, as a river that sinks in one place rises in another. If erudition is lost with men, it is well to find it with pigs. The extraordinaries are always pleasing. The intermediate grades of eloquence, from a Curran to a Parrot, are not worth marking.

A little learning is a dangerous thing,
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring.

If a man cannot be a Polyglotist, he may as well be a goose.

It was at a time things took this turn that Balaam's ass spoke. There was darkness all over Europe, for six or ten centuries; and little knowledge of the scientific kind to be found with man, fish, fowl or beast. A glare of light sprung up, and has prevailed awhile. Men of science have been in repute in monarchies; and in some republics; or at least science itself has had some quarter. But it is now scouted, and run down. The mild shade of the evening, the crepusculum approaches. A twilight, that the weakest eye can sustain. The bats will be out now. The owl can see as well as the cat. If there is less light, there is more equality of vision; which may be for the best.

That fellow could preach, too, said a by-stander; and give him a text. What a speech he has made upon a shoat!

But looking up, they saw a man actually preaching; or something like it, in a tavern door, with a newspaper in his hand. It was upon the subject of economies. For now all is economy. Not making; but saving. This discourse was a lecture on the subtraction of aliment, and the making water go farther by boiling it. Saving the scales of fish; and the stem beaten out of flax; curtailing wages, and doing less work; all things by the minimum: he would have all Microscopes; no Telescopes. Minutiæ, Minutiæ, Minutiæ; nothing great, comprehensive, or magnificent in his projects. Themistocles knew how to make a great state, out of a small commonwealth. But was it by saving, or by gaining that he did it? Was the sweep of his mind contracted; or extensive? Had the Czar of Muscovy a great heart? Did he reduce mountains by particles; or employ his mind upon hen-coops? These were questions, the economist answered in the affirmative. But some doubted the orthodoxy of the doctrine; and left the congregation.

In a public house, was heard the music of a fiddle, and a bag-pipe. It was Duncan the quondam waiter of the Captain, who had make a match of the bag-pipe against the violin. Play up, said Duncan to the piper; not "the Coming o' the Camrons;" now the Reels o' Bogie. Play up; I could dance amaist involuntarily; as I were bit by the tarantula.

The Latin master was of the company; and encouraged the contest, by the application of classic phrases; such as,

Et vitula tu dignus, et hic——
——Boni quoniam convenimus ambo.
Tale tuum carmen, divine poeta.——

But more noise; though, perhaps, less music, was heard out of doors, coming down the street. A crowd of people; boys and grown persons, were following O'Dell the revolutionist. For Ca Ira, or the Marseilles hymn he bawl'd out the following——

Down with the sessions, and down with the laws;
They put me in mind of the school-master's taws.
There's nothing in nature that gives such disgust,
As force and compulsion to make a man just.
Hillelu; Billelu, set me down aisy.
Hillelu; Billelu, &c.

A lawyer's a liar; old sooty his father;
He talks all day long a mere jack-a-blather.
His books, and his papers, may all go to hell,
And make speeches there, sings Lary O'Dell
Hillelu, &c.

The state is a vessel, and hoop'd like a tub;
And the adze of the cooper it goes dub a dub.
But hooping and coopering, is fitting for fools;
Away wid all learning, and shut up the schools.
Hillelu, &c.

A horse eats the less when you cut of his tail;
And chickens hatch faster the thinner the shell.
A clerk in an office might do two things in one,
Hatch eggs while he sits, and writes all alone.
Hillelu, &c.

The song may be good, as to music, said the Captain; but I do not like the sentiments: especially the concluding couplet. It seems to me, that economy has become parsimony; the opposite extreme of prodigality; or extravagance. The one is odious; the other contemptible. All tax; or no tax. There is no medium. But no tax, and economy will as certainly destroy an administration, as all tax, and extravagance. The meanness of starving officers; establishments; improvements, will attach disreputation to the agents; and operate a removal from the body politic; or the debilitation of the body politic itself. But in all things there is a tendency to extremes. The popular mind does not easily arrest itself when descending upon an inclined plain of opinion. Popular ballads are an index of the public mind. Hence we see that an antipathy to laws, lawyers, and judges, is the ton at present; and also that economy is the ruling passion of the time. Yet in all these things, there may be an excess. For the people are not always right. Unless in the sense of the English law, that "The King can do no wrong." Doubtless whatever the people do is legally right; but yet not always politically right. For do we not find from the voice of history, that those men are thought to have deserved best of their country, who have occasionally withstood the intemperance of opinion. Self-seekers only "are all things to all men." Three things are necessary to constitute a great man. Judgment, fortitude, and self-denial. It is a great thing to judge wisely. Perhaps this may be said to comprehend the whole. For judging wisely upon a large scale, will embrace fortitude, and self-denial. Hence, in the Scripture phrase, bad men are called fools. It is but cutting down the fruit tree, to hark in with a popular cry for the moment. All is gained for the present; but there is nothing for the next year. Such a man may get into a public body, but will not long retain his seat; or, if he does, he loses all, in the esteem of the virtuous, and the wise. But I doubt whether the people are so mad for economy. It originates with those who are conscious to themselves that they cannot please them by great actions: and therefore attempt it by small. The extreme has been that of unnecessary expenditure; and it is popular to call out economy; which the people-pleaser gets into his mouth and make it the shibboleth of just politics. But the people-pleaser is not always the friend of the people. Do we find him in war the best general who consults the ardour of his troops, wholly, and fights when they cry out for battle? Pompey yielded to such an outcry, and lost the field of Pharsalia. A journal was published in France, by Marat, under the direction, or, with the assistance of Robespierre, entitled "L'ami du peuple." There could not be a more seducing title; and yet this very journal was the foe of the people. I have no doubt but that Marat meant well to the people; but he had not an understanding above the public, and judgment to correct the errors of occasional opinion. He was of the multitude himself, and did not overtop them by having higher ground from whence to observe. He had not been a sage before he became a journalist. Hence he denounced the Girondists, the philosophers of the public; Condorcet, and others who had laid the foundation of the revolution. He denounced them because they suggested a confederate republic, such as Montesquieu projected, and America has realized. Marat took up with the simple, the one and indivisible; the populace understood this, but not the complication, and it prevailed; but the republic went down.

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[CHAPTER V.]

OBSERVATIONS.

I NEVER had a doubt with the Captain, but that the bulk of the jacobins in France meant well; even Marat and Robespierre considered themselves as denouncing, and trucidating only the enemies of the republic. What a delightful trait of virtue discovers itself in the behaviour of Peregrine, the brother of Robespierre, and proves that he thought his brother innocent. "I am innocent; and my brother is as innocent as I am."—Doubtless they were both innocent. Innocent of what? Why, of meaning ill. "The time shall come, when they that kill you, shall think they are doing God service." Peregrine led the column with his drawn sword in his hand, that entered and re-took Toulon. He threw himself into the denounciation. This ought to be a lesson to all republicans to have charity, for those that differ in opinion. Tiberius, and Caius Gracchus at Rome meant well; Agis, and Cleomenes at Sparta the same; but they attempted a reform, well, in vision, and imagination, but beyond what was practicable or expedient. They fell victims to the not distinguishing the times; the advanced state of society, which did not comport with the original simplicity of institutions.

Marat the journalist and Robespierre were pushed gradually to blood; by the principle, which governed them, of taking it for granted that all who thought differently upon a subject were traitors; and that a majority of votes was the criterion of being right. The mountain the bulk of the national assembly could not but be in their opinion, infallible. The eternal mountain at whose foot every one was disposed to place himself; the mountain on whose top were "thunders and lightnings, and a thick cloud;" but not a natural mountain of the earth, collecting refreshing showers, and from which descended streams. It was a mountain pregnant with subterranean fire. It burst and exists a volcano to this day. So much for the majority of the public body, being always right; and so much for a journalist meaning well, and yet destroying the republic. It is a truth in nature, and a maxim in philosophy "that from whence our greatest good springs, our greatest evils arise." A journalist of spirit is a desideratum in a revolution, but when the new island or continent is thrown up from the bottom of the ocean; and the subterranean gas dissipated, why seek for a convulsion? but rather leave nature to renew herself with forests, and rivers, and perennial springs. But that activity which was useful in the first effort, is unwilling to be checked in the further employment; and under the idea of a progressing reform, turns upon the establishment which it has produced, and intending good, does harm. The men are denounced that mean as well as the journalist, and perhaps understand the game better than himself though they differ in judgment on the move. In a revolution every man thinks he has done all. He knows only, or chiefly, what he has done himself. Hence he is intolerant of the opinions of others, because he is ignorant of the services which are a proof of patriotism; and of the interest which is a pledge of fidelity. Fresh hands especially, are apt to over-do the matter, as I have seen at the building of a cabin in the western country. A strong man takes hold of the end of a log, and he lifts faster than the other. From the unskilfulness, and inequality of his exertions, accidents happen. Prudent people do not like rash hands. States have been best built up, by the wise as well as the honest.

There are men that we dislike in office. All men approved Marius, says the historian Sallust, when he began to proscribe, now and then, a bad man; but they did not foresee what soon happened, that he did not stop short, but went on to proscribe the good. It is better to bear an individual mischief, than a public inconvenience. This is a maxim of the common law.—That is, it is better to endure an evil in a particular case, than to violate a general principle. There ought to be constitutional ground, and a just cause to remove the obnoxious. It will not do even in Ireland, to hang a man for stealing cloth, because he is a bad weaver.

Where parties exist in a republic, that party will predominate, eventually which pursues justice. A democratic party, will find its only security in this. "If these things are done in the green tree, what shall be done in the dry." If democracy is not just, what shall we expect from aristocracy, where the pride of purse, and pride of family raises the head; swells the port; produces the strut, and all the undervaluing which the few have for the many? Aristocracy, which claims by hereditary right, the honours and emoluments of the commonwealth.—Who does not dislike the presumption of the purse proud, and the pride of connections? And it is for that reason that I wish my fellow democrats, "my brethren according to the flesh," to do right; to shew their majesty, the nobility of their nature, by their discrimination, and their sense of justice. For I am a democrat, if having no cousin, and no funds; and only to rely on my personal services, can make me one. And I believe this is a pretty good pledge for democracy in any man. Unless indeed he should become a tool to those that have cousins and funds; and this he will not do it he has pride. He might be made a despot, but this can only be by the peoples' destroying the essence of liberty, by pushing it to licentiousness. A despot is a spectre which rises chiefly from the marsh of licentiousness.—It was the jacobins made Bonaparte what he now is.

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CHAPTER VI.

A CAVALCADE was coming by, and upon enquiry it was found to be a crowd of people with a lawyer gagged. The knob in his mouth was rather long; and the poor man seemed to be in pain, by the extension of his jaws. He could not speak, which was a great privation, it being his daily employment, and the labour of his vocation. For the people thought he spoke too much, or at least was tedious in his speeches, and took up the time of the court, and juries, unnecessarily. But this was a new way of correcting amplification in an orator.—It is true that things strike more than words, and the soldier, in a Roman assembly, who held up the stump of his arm, lost in battle, pleaded more effectually, for his brother, the accused, than all the powers of eloquence. But it was a wicked thing, and entirely a la mob, to stretch the jaws so immeasurably. But the people will have their way; when they get a thing into their heads, there is no stopping them; especially on a fair day, such as this was. It is true the thing was illegal, and he could have his action, but they took their chance of that.

The fact is, the tediousness of lawyers, in their harangues, is beyond bearing, and is enough to drive the people to adjustment bills, and any thing, to get quit of them. The opener of a cause must lead you into the whole transaction, instead of leaving it to the evidence to do it. He must give you a view of the whole scope of his case. This might be in a few words. But he wants to make a speech; a strong impression at the first. He must tell you how he means to draw up his evidence; how to fight his men. I should not like my adversary to know this; I would not tell the court, lest he should hear it. What would we think of a general who should mount the rostrum in the presence of the enemy, and explain the order of his battle? I love the art of managing a cause for its own sake, and I like to see it scientifically won. The less speaking, almost always, the better for a cause. There is such a thing, as "darkening counsel by words without knowledge." Atticism is favourable to perception in the hearer. We do not carry wheat to be ground before it is sifted of the chaff. Yet there may be an error on the other side. The declination to brevity may be too great. I am afraid to say much on this head, lest I should be understood to undervalue eloquence, and check it altogether. But certain it is, that excess is on the side of quantity, in speaking at the bar at present. The juries feel it, and twist and turn themselves into all shapes to avoid it. The courts feel it, and on many occasions groan for deliverance.

What necessity on a point of law to read all cases, that have relation to the subject? To give a lecture on the elementary principle, and adduce cases, from the first decision to the last. It has been in vogue with the clergy, to begin with Genesis, and end with Revelations; to prove their doctrine as they go along, by an enchainment of texts; and to say the same thing over again, in many words. But in demonstrating the forty-seventh proposition of the first book of Euclid, we do not lay down every postulate, and axiom; nor do we go through the demonstration of every preceding problem, on which this is built; but we refer to such of them as enter into that which is before us. The demonstrations of Euclid are brief; and that constitutes their excellence. Adventum festinat. Here is no detour; or winding that does not accelerate, and force the conclusion.

In the mean time, the blind lawyer, being at hand, delivering a lecture, had heard of the tribulation of his brother, the gagged lawyer; and for the honour of the profession, stretching out his hands to the people, had obtained his enlargement; and the removal of the pig. But it was said, this would be a warning to the advocate, to shorten his speeches for the future. The branks which had been upon his head; that is, the woody's which had tied the knob, were laid aside for another occasion.

————

CHAPTER VII.

It was a legal proceeding, in this village, that when any one was suspected of insanity, a commission of lunacy issued, and an enquiry was held to ascertain the fact. An inquisition was holden at this time on the body of a man, and it was the right of the defendant, when the evidence on the part of the commonwealth was closed, to be heard in his defence. On this occasion the accused person made use of his privilege.

THE MADMAN'S DEFENCE

Fellow Citizens.

It is an awkward situation in which you see me placed, to be obliged to maintain that I am in my right mind, and not out of my senses. For even if I speak sense, you may attribute it to a lucid interval. It is not a difficult matter, to fix any imputation upon a man. It is only to follow it up, "Line upon line; precept upon precept; here a little and there a little." There is nothing but a man's own life, and a course of conduct, that can rebut the calumny. It is therefore in vain, to answer in gazettes, or to go out into the streets and call out falsehood. The more pains you take to defend yourself, the more it is fixed upon you. For the bulk of mankind are on the side of the calumniator, and would rather have a thing true than false. I believe there would be no better way, than for a man to join in, and slander himself, until the weight of obloquy, became so great, that the public would revolt, and from believing all, believe nothing. I have known this tried with success. But how can one rebut the imputation of madness? How disprove insanity? The highest excellence of understanding, and madness, like two ends of a right line, turned to a circle, are said to come together.

Nullum magmun ingenium sine mensura dementiæ.

Great wits to madness sure are near allied;
And thin partitions do their bounds divide.

Hence you will infer that I may appear rational, and quick of perception, and even just in judgment for a time, and yet be of a deranged intellect. What can I tell you but that it is the malice of my enemies, that have devised this reproach, in order to hinder my advancement in state affairs? It is true there are some things in my habit, and manner that may have given colour to the charge—singularities. But a man of study, and abstract thought, will have singularities. Henry Fielding's Parson Adams; and Doctor Orkborn in Mrs. D'Arbray's Camilla, are examples of this. A man of books will be abstract, or absent in conversation, sometimes in business.

A man of books, said the Foreman of the Jury! A scholar! Ah! You are a scholar, are you. Ah, ha; that is enough; we want no more. If you are not a madman, you must be a knave, and that comes to the same thing. Say, gentlemen, shall we find him guilty? What say you, is he mad?

1. Juryman; he seems to be a little cracked.

2. He does not appear to be right in his head.

3. I cannot think him in his right mind.

4. He is beside himself.

5. Crazy.

6. Out of his reason.

7. Deranged.

8. Insane.

9. Mad.

10. Stark mad.

11. As mad as a March hare.

12. Fit for Bedlam.

Verdict—Lunacy.

The court to whom the inquisition was returned, thought it a hard case, as there was no other evidence than his own confession of being addicted to books, and gave leave to move an arrest of judgment; and ordered him before themselves for examination.

You are a man of books—

A little so.

What books have you read?

History, divinity.

What is the characteristic of history?

Fiction.

Of Novels?

Truth.

Of metaphysics?

Imagination.

Of natural philosophy?

Doubt.

What is the best lesson in moral philosophy?

To expect no gratitude.

What is the best qualification of a politician?

Honesty.

The next best?

Knowledge.

The next best?

Fortitude.

Who serves the people best?

Not always him that pleases them most.

It seems to the Court, said the Chief Justice, that the man is not altogether mad. He appears rational in some of his answers. We shall advise upon it.

The madman being out upon bail, walked about seemingly disconsolate; and fell in with a philanthropic person, who endeavoured to console him. You may think yourself fortunate, said he, that the charge had not been that you were dead. You might have been tumbled into a coffin, and buried before you were aware. When a public clamour is once raised, there is no resisting it. People will have the thing to be so, lest there should be no news. For the stagnation of intelligence is equal to the want of breath. I will venture to say that in three days, were I to undertake it, I could have it believed that the soul had gone out of your body, and that you were a walking mummy. It is only to insist upon it, and spread it, and a part will be credited; at first, and finally the whole. Thank fortune that you are upon your feet upon the earth. You are not the first that have been buried alive. On opening a coffin, the corpse has been found turn'd upon its face. In a tomb it has been found out of the coffin, and laying where it had wandered, thinking to get out.

Good heavens! said the madman, this is enough to turn one's brain indeed. I begin to feel my head swimming. Is it possible that without the least foundation, such a proposition should come to be believed? Believed; ay; and people would be found to swear to it. You have no conception from how small beginnings great things arise.

Ingrediturque solo, & caput inter nubila condit.

You have seen a wood-pecker. It is astonishing how large a hole it makes with so small a beak. It is owing to successive impressions. Since common fame has begun with you, it is well that it has taken that turn; and made you only mad.

If that is the case, said the man of books, I ought to be reconciled. It might have been worse.

————

OBSERVATIONS.

There has certainly been a great deal of vain learning in the world; and good natural sense had been undervalued. "Too much learning may make a man mad." It may give him a pride and vanity that unfits for the transaction of serious affairs. I would rather have a sober sedate man of common sense in public councils, than a visionary sciolist just from the academies. But solid science is ornamental, as well as useful in a government. Literary acquirements may be undervalued. A man may not be a scholar himself; but he may have a son that may.

"The child may rue that is unborn."

A check given to the love of letters. The offspring of a plain farmer may be a philosopher; a lawyer, a judge. Let not the simplest man therefore set light by literary studies. The bulk of our youths are sufficiently disposed to indolence of themselves. It requires all the incitement of honours and emoluments to trim the midnight lamp. The rivalship of the states ought to be in their public foundations; in producing men of letters. Popular distrust of them ought not to be promoted. The coxcomb; the macaroni, springs up in the cities: The illiterate in the country village. Legal knowledge, and political learning, are the stamina of the constitution. The preservation of the constitution is the stability of the state.

Political studies ought to be the great object with the generous youth of a republic; not for the sake of place or profit; but for the sake of judging right, and preserving the constitution inviolate. Plutarch's lives is an admirable book for this purpose. I should like to see an edition of 10,000 volumes brought up in every state. Plutarch was a lover of virtue, and his reflections are favourable to all that is great and good amongst men.

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CHAPTER VIII.

IT may seem strange that in the present current of prejudice against learning, and learned men, the school-master had not been taken up, that spoke Latin. The fact was, the people did not know that it was Latin. Some took it for one language, and some for another. Thus, when he accosted persons in the street, with his puzzling phrases to translate, either on account of the peculiarity of the idiom, or the elipsis of the sentence, answers were given correspondent to the mistake. Thus:

Nil admirari——

I do not understand Spanish.

Simplex munditiis——

I never learned Welsh.

Ambiguoque vultu——

It is Greek to me.

Lacrimæ rerum——

I do not understand Dutch.

I have never been among the Indians.

——Esse sua
Parati.——

Potatoes are very good.

As for the blind Lawyer, humanity interposed on his behalf. There is a generosity in the public mind that leads them to pass by the unfortunate. The sovereign people, like other sovereigns do not make war upon bats. His lectures were short, and did not cost much. The loss of money, leaves a bite behind it worse than the sting of the wasp. It is this that excites a prejudice against lawyers; and yet people are, themselves, to blame. It is their own self-love, and unwillingness to think themselves in the wrong, that leads to law. Covetousness, deceives.

O, si angulus ille, mihi foret——

I must have that nook of woods, that runs out there. It will make a calf-pasture.

I admit that bar oratory is carried to excess, and there is too much of it occasionally; it is valued by the quantity, more than the quality. But there is a great deal of excellent oratory to be found at the bar. There are stamina, though retrenchments might be made.

—Cum luculentus flueret,
Erat quod tollere posses.

The great defect is, the making many points; the cat that had but one way to escape, stood as good a chance, as the fox that had a thousand. Seize the turning point of the cause; if it can be done, and canvass that. The stroke of the eye, or the coup d'oeil, which characterizes the great general, is the being able to see, at once, the commanding point of the field: to abandon the out-posts, and concentrate his forces. Why need a man be taking time to shew, in how many ways, he can kill a squirrel? If he can take him down with a rifle ball at once, it is enough.

Oratory has no where a finer province, than at the bar. In a deliberative assembly, there is no such scope. Questions of finance have nothing to do with the heart. No man can be an orator at the bar, that has not a burning love of justice. For it is this gives the soul of oratory. An advocate thinking merely of the fee can be no orator. The soul must be expanded by the love of virtue.

In a deliberative assembly, it is difficult to be honest. Party will not suffer it. At the bar a man may be honest. For, in a cause he is not supposed to speak his own sentiments, but to present his side of the argument; and with truth in his statements. The attempting to hold what is not tenable, is a mark of weakness. Why then a prejudice against lawyers? I exclude attornies that are mere money gatherers; or professional men, that screw the needy, and grind the faces of the poor. Such there will always be. But nature presents nothing without an allay of evil.

As to the blind fiddler, if it should be asked, why he was not accounted mad, it was because he was not denounced. There is a great deal in calling out mad dog. Besides, the insignificance of the scraper, protected him in the republic. He was so busy scraping, that he never meddled with politics, and this was a great help. And as he played every tune to every one that asked, having no predilection for Langolee, above the Etric Banks, he gave no offence.

—Nunquam contra torrentem, brachia,
Direxit, sic octaginta annos vidit in aula.

————

A CATTLE driver had come from the western settlements, to exchange at the fair, stock, for salt, iron, and women. In barter for the last article, a cow was given for a girl. The settler went out, in the first instance, with a rifle, a hatchet and a knapsack. Having fixed on a spot at a spring head, the next thing was to fall saplins and construct a hut. A small piece of ground was then cleared of the un-derwood, and this formed into a brush fence to inclose it. He returned then to the interior of the country, and the next summer, going out with a hoe, and a stock of provisions, on a pack-horse, he began his cultivation. Having tamed a buffaloe, or got a cow from Padan Aram, he had in due time, milk in abundance. This put into his head to get a milk maid; in other words a wife. The traders in this article, usually chose those of the less opulent, whose dress answered all the ends of fashion without the affectation. The elbows were bare, because the sleeves did not reach; and the folding doors of the bosom were undrawn, because they had been always open. There was no occasion for flesh coloured pantaloons; for the pantaloons were the natural flesh itself, discovered through the rents of muslin, by the waving of the wind, like a light cloud upon a bed of air, in an April day.

When these virgins, "nothing loath," had been conducted to the bowers mantled with the natural vine, an offspring arose in a few years, such as that from whence the poets have drawn their best fictions. You will have no occasion to read Ovid's Metamorphosis, to have an image of Daphne, or Proserpine; Diana and her nymphs; the Dryads, Hamadryads, or other personages. Just cross over into these new forests and there you have them in reality: maids bathing their snowy limbs in transparent streams; climbing the mountain top, collecting flowers, or gathering berries of the wood. Nature is here in her bloom; no decay or decrepitude. All fragrancy, health, and vivacity.

The stripling of these woods, is distinguished from the city beau; but it will not become me to say who has the advantage: whether the attitude of the presented rifle; or that of the segar in the teeth, is the most manly? Which looks best, the hunting shirt open at the neck, or the roll of muslin that covers it, and swells upon the chin? These are things to be canvassed by the curious. I am of opinion, however, that it is better to be clear sighted than purblind, and to be able to see a deer in a thicket, than to have need of a glass, before the nose to direct the steps where there is nothing to stumble over.

It can be no slur upon the descendant of a western settler, that his mother was obtained in barter, with her hair descending to her girdle; or waving in ringlets on her shoulders; and the moisture of her eye brightened with a tear at the emigration; when he considers, that, in all places, matrimony, to use the pun of Bishop Latimer, has been, in a great degree, a matter of money; and the consideration of the contract not always what the lawyers call a good consideration, that is affection; but a valuable one, wealth. Even if the circumstance should be considered as less honourable than a marriage settlement with forms, and perfect equality, in the transaction; it will be forgotten in a century or two, and it may come to be doubted whether there was ever such a thing as barter at all.

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CHAPTER IX.

A NOISE of a different kind was now heard in another quarter. It was occasioned by a brick-bat which had fallen from the heavens, or the top of a chimney; or been thrown by some one, which is just as likely, and hit the stall of an honest Frenchman, who sold hair-powder. He construed it an insult, and insisted upon knowing what no one could inform him of; or if they could, was not disposed to do it; that is, whence it came? Diable! diable! Said he in a rage. Si j'etois, d'en la France; If I vere in my own contree—Le miserable police. Dish contree has une ver bad police.

A l'en enfer,—Foutre, Foutre, Foutre!

Parce que je suis un jacobin. I be de jacobin. Dish ish de enrage. Vill kill all de honest republican.

Civility to a foreigner induced the multitude to interpose, and endeavour to pacify. But strangers are jealous, and it was an hour before he could be persuaded by some that spoke the language, to believe that the thing might have been a matter of accident. He had threatened to make a representation to the government, and demand the interposition of the executive.

There is reason to think that he had dropped it; as we have seen no diplomatic correspondence on the subject.

————

A seller of patent medicines gave out that he had bought them from a chemist who had invented a new vegetable. Discovered, you mean, said a naturalist. No; Invented, said the patent doctor. He made it himself. I have some of the seeds in my pocket. Out of what did he make it? Hydrogen; oxygen; carbonic acid, and muriate of soda.

It is beyond my comprehension: what does the seed look like, said the naturalist? Coriander seed; or mustard, said the doctor. Here is a sample of it, giving him a grain or two.

And it is out of this you make your drops? said the naturalist. Certainly, said the doctor.

And a new seed will produce new drops, said the naturalist; and perform new cures in the world.

Undoubtedly, said the Doctor: what use could there be in inventing it, if it did not?

I wish he would invent a new planet, said the naturalist.

That he could do readily enough, said the Doctor; but there are more than are good already. They shed malign influences.

Aye, quo' the Scotchman; there is such a thing as "evil stars."

————

A COMPANY of village players were acting a pantomime. Harlequin represented a politician with the people on his back. Incurvated and groaning, he seemed to feel the pressure exceedingly.

I like burlesque very well, said a spectator. A man must imagine himself Atlas, forsooth, with the Heavens on his shoulders! The people would walk on their feet if he would let them alone. What matters it, if by attempting to sustain them, he gets his rump broke?

That is all the thanks a patriot ever got, said a wise man.

Are not the people strong enough of themselves, said the spectator?

Strength of mind is improveable, said the wise man. Hence strength of mind differs more than strength of body. The aggregate of mind is one thing, and a distinguished mind another. It is not so absurd, to suppose that one mind, in a particular case, may excel another. The social compact is a noble study. He who has devoted himself to it, may be supposed to have made some progress. Why should he not have credit for his good intentions? Why make him the object of a public exhibition, because he thinks himself the support of the community? Public spirit ought to be supported, and hints well meant, well taken. It is but an innocent hypocondriasis for a man to apprehend that he is doing good, by his lucubrations. That he is a pillar of the commonwealth.

See how he grins, and balances, said the spectator, speaking of the Harlequin, because the people, in his opinion, are too much to the one side.

It is an easy thing to turn even virtue into ridicule, said the wise man. But selfishness was never an amiable quality. And can there be a nobler effort of benevolence than to seek the public good? If one individual misses it; another hits; and the principle is salutary. It is not him that sails with the wind of popular opinion that always consults the interests of the populace. At the same time, I am for keeping up the spirit of the people. It is the atmosphere of liberty. And though this atmosphere is the region of lightning and engenders storms, yet in it we breathe, and have our being. But I speak of the angel that guides the hurricane; the good man of more temperate counsels; and who, from age, experience , or extent of thought sees the consequence of things, and applies the prudence of restraint to the common mind in the violence of its emotions.

Why shall we censure such a man should he indulge the ambition of restraining the people; or rather of supporting them by counseling moderation. He is sometimes the best friend that reproves. A flatterer never was a friend. The caricature of a man having the people on his back, is an aristocratic fetch to discourage a love for the people, and a disposition to promote their real interest. This Harlequin is set on by the enemies of the people, and with a view to disparage republican exertions.

The spectator was silent.

While the Harlequin was acting The Oppressed Politician, as the pantomime was called, a pedlar had thrown himself into nearly a similar position; and though it may appear strange, an accidental conjunction of attitude. He had got his stall on his back; and gave out that he had taken an oath, not to set it down, until the people at the fair, had bought off all his goods. He was on his hands, and feet, and bellowing like the bull of Phalaris, affecting to be overcome, with the load of his pack. The people, out of humanity; credulous to his distress, came from every quarter to hear his complaint, and ease him of his goods. A partner was handing out the merchandize, and disposing to the customer, as fast as he could come at the articles. The back-bent man, in the mean time, in his inclined posture, was gathering up the dollars, thrown upon the ground, and putting them into his hat; not omitting, the groans necessary to attract a continuance of commiseration.

Christian people, said he, ease me of my wares, or I shall have to break my back, or to break my oath.

You had better break your oath than your back, said a man passing by; I have no money to throw away upon a rogue.

A rogue! Said the burthened man. If I were a rogue I could break my oath; but it is conscience keeps me here. I cannot break my oath; and my back must be broke. Help good people help; buy my wares, and ease me of my load.

You son of a——, said a rude man, cannot you stand up, and your pack will fall off?

Ay but it is my oath, said the Pedlar, that keeps it on, until all my goods be bought.

It ish a tam sheat, said an honest German; he ish a liar and a rogue. His pack ish light ash a feather; wid shilks, and such tings, dat weigh noting. He is tam sheat and a rogue.

I am muckle o' your way o' thinking, said Donald Bain, the weaver; it is a' a stratagem, to get his hand in folks pockets, and wile awa' the penny. The deel an aith has he ta'en. It is a' a forgery.

It ish a devilish contrivance, said the German.

It is all de love of de monish, said a Jew. His conscience is monish; I go anoder way to de exchange dish morning.

Nevertheless credulity prevailed; and some continued to purchase.

————

OBSERVATIONS.

IF at the hundredth edition of this work, a century or two hence, it should be published with cuts, like Don Quixotte, and other books of an entertaining cast; the figure of the pedlar and his pack may afford a good drawing; and the Harlequin, at the same time, with the people on his back.

The moral of the distressed politician is obvious to every one. It is natural for us to suppose that the world cannot do without us. O what will they do when we are gone, is the language of almost every man's heart in some way or other. I will venture to say there are chimney sweepers, who think that all will go to pot, when they drop off. Yet the world goes on its gudgeons, and all things that are therein revolve just as before!

What will we do for a general, said one to me, when Fayette deserted to Sedan.

What? when Dumourier went off, said another.

He may be yet in the ranks said I, who will terminate the revolution. It came nearly to pass; for the Corsican was at that time but in the low grade of what we call a subaltern.

I have reflected with myself whence it is that men of slow minds, and moderate capacities, and with less zeal and perhaps less principle, execute offices, and sustain functions with less exception, than others of more vigour and exertion; and I find it owing to a single secret; laissez nous faire; "let us be doing:" that is, let subordinates, do a great deal themselves. "He is right;" it is well; and if it is wrong, self-love saves the error: men had rather be suffered to be wrong, than to be set right against their wills. What errors of stupidity have I seen in life, in the small compass of my experience, and the sphere of my information; and these errors the object of indulgence, because there was nothing said or done to wound the pride of the employer. This is a lesson to human pride and vanity. It is a lesson of prudence to the impetuous. The sun lets very planet take its course; and so did General Washington. That was the happy faculty that made him popular.

His fort was, in some degree, the laissez nous faire; "The not doing too much."

Yet the lovers of an art, may be excused in being hurt when they see the artist err. The lovers of the public may deserve praise who wish to set the world right and do a little towards it. It is the error of vigorous minds, to say the least of it; and oftentimes, the excess of virtue.

Sometimes, it is an instinctive impulse of spirit that cannot be resisted. Alcibiades superseded in the command of the Athenian army, but remaining in the neighbourhood could not avoid pointing out to the generals who succeeded him and who were his enemies, that errors they were about to commit, and which advice, neglecting, they were overthrown with their forces, by the Lacedemonians under the conduct of Lysander, and disgraced. Moreau though superseded by the directory, and serving only as a volunteer, stepped forward to an unauthorised command, and saved the army on the defeat, and death of Joubert.

The critic will say, what use can there be in such representations? We do not write altogether for grave, or even grown men; our book is not for a day only. We mean it for the coming generation, as well as the present; and intending solid observations, we interlard pleasantry to make the boys read.

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CHAPTER X.

AS the Captain was lounging through the fair, he saw a tall thin man, of a lean visage and sallow complexion, talking at a stall with a chapman. He had under his arm a piece of new, or, as it is called, green linen. In fact he was a weaver, and had linen claith, as he called it, to sell. For he was what we call a Scotch-Irishman, and of the name of Oconama, which is not a Scotch-Irish name; but an aboriginal patronymic; nevertheless it came to be his name, perhaps by the mother's side.

He had on him what we call a spencer; that is, a coat with the tail docked; though some have this kind of garb made so in the first instance; that is, a juste au corps, or jacket to go over the coat instead of being under it; so that it seems to be but a half-coat.

Now Oconama is pronounced with the final vowel soft; and hearing it so pronounced, the Captain took it to be economy: especially as he saw that his dress corresponded with the designation; and the small scratch wig on his head, but half covered his brown hair, which was seen underneath, supplying the defect of covering by the caul, which was piss-burnt, and had but a few straggling hairs on the top of it, which was bald otherwise as the pate of a Capuchin.

Economy, said the Captain; for such I see you are; and I might have known you even if I had not heard your name; I am glad to have fallen in with you; having often heard of you, and wishing to see you, and to be acquainted. There was said to be great want of you a few years ago, under the presidency of John Adams, who though a good man, yet it has been understood, did not sufficiently consult you. I am glad to hear that you are in request with president Jefferson, though it may be as some say, that he consults you too much, and that you carry things too far.

Adams! Said Oconama. I was not in the country when Adams was President.

The more the pity, said the Captain. There was great want of you. You were much called for. There is a want of economy, said one. There is no economy, said another. But I am happy that you are now here. Great things were expected from you, and great things you have done. But there are good men who think, to use their own phrase, that we are economizing overmuch, and that by the weight of your reputation, you have misled our councils, in some particulars. A judiciary law was said to be repealed on the principle of economy. The constitutionality of the repeal has been questioned, much more the expediency. The suitors are obliged to come from the most remote parts of a state, to some one place where the circuit court is held, which under that law was brought if not to their own doors; yet at least nearer home. The constitution must be amended as to the jurisdiction of the Federal courts; or a like law must be re-established. The army has been reduced on the principle of economy; the marine also. Our armed vessels have been sold off, and turned into merchantmen. Hence a petit guere with the Bashaw of Tripoli, for several years, whom we could have put down, and burnt up like a wasps' nest, if we had kept our ships, and men together. But I will not say, that there was not good reason at the time, to justify the retrenchment, I mean appearances were such as to justify it. It is easy to judge after the event, and though I think the thing was wrong, yet I do not arraign the motive. The public mind leaned so strongly to retrenchments, and called for it so loudly, that it was not easy to resist it.

But the spirit of economy is said to have invaded the legislative part of the administration and to be about to fall upon the executive itself in the reduction of salaries. And not the administration only of the general government, but of the states, confederate, and subordinate.—For imitation is the faculty of man; and we imitate those whom we respect. Hence it is, that we every where hear of economy. An old woman cannot set a hen to hatch but on the principle of economy.

It is a check to all improvement in any system; the judiciary, for instance that it does not consist with economy. Now query, Mr. Economy, whether this may not be carrying things too far?

I know well that fault will be found with all measures. For all systems have their draw-backs. This world that we inhabit has its physical and moral evil though the work of infinite wisdom. What perfection then can we expect from man? But it is well to weigh, and to know whether what is attempted, comes as near as may be to the expedient. This is all I have in view. You have been praised, and you are blamed.—And so it has been with all men in all ages who have endeavored to serve the public. Their integrity, and their exertions have not been sufficient to secure them against obloquy.

Romulus et liber Pater, et cum Castore Pollux,
Post ingentia facta, Deorum in templa, recepti,
Dum terras, hominumque colunt genus, aspera bella
Componunt, agros assignant, oppida condunt;
Ploravere suis non respondere favorem
Speratum meritis——

Of this Smart's translation follows:

"Romulus, and Father Bacchus, and Castor, and Pollux, after great atchievements, received into the temple of the gods; while they were improving the world and human nature; composing fierce dissensions, settling property, building cities; lamented that the esteem they might have expected, was not paid in proportion to their merits."

The weaver, at this rhapsody, especially the last part, the Latin sentence, stood amazed, with his eyes staring, and his mouth open. He took him for the madman of whom he had heard, and who had been said to have been tried that day; and, on the principle of self-preservation, if not of economy, began to recede, and to ensconce himself behind the pedlar, who accosting the Captain took upon him to explain.

It must be a mistake of the person, said the chapman. This is not the man you take him to be.

Who is he then? said the Captain. It is not Gallatin;* for Gallatin does not wear a wig, as I have understood, but his own hair; and Madison† is a small man.

[*Secretary of the treasury.]

[†Secretary of state.]

It is neither Gallatin; nor Madison, said the pedlar; but an acquaintance of mine from the county Wicklow in Ireland. He has been in the country about two months, and has never seen Jefferson, or given him advice to do good or harm.

I ask his pardon said the Captain. Calling him economy, I took it to be him that is said to be at the seat of government, helping on with retrenchments and expenditures. His garb corresponded with his designation, as he seemed to cut his coat according to his cloth; and had curtained the dimensions of his periwig, substituting a little of his own hair; or rather letting it grow, to make amends for the want of caul, which bald as it is, comes but half way down his occiput, and leaves his neck bare.

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OBSERVATIONS.

IT would be a gratification to myself, and it might be of use to others, to give some notes of political history in this state. Those just grown up, or lately come amongst us from abroad, would better understand why it is that democracy has been occasionally the order of the day, and again put down. It has always had numbers on its side, and yet has not always possessed the administration. I use the term democracy, as contradistinguished from the aristocracy; that is, a union of men of wealth and influence.

In the state constitution of 1776, the democracy prevailed in carrying a single legislature, but this laid the foundation of their overthrow; because experience proved that it was wrong. "Wisdom is justified of all her children."

The constitution of 1776, gave way to that of 1790, and the aristocracy obtained the ascendancy; or rather having obtained it, they brought about a convention, and carried the constitution of 1790; which is the present.

But connecting themselves with the errors of the administration of the federal government, in 1797, 1798, they lost the state administration, and the democracy prevailed.

Five years has it retained the administration; and will, an interminable time, provided that wise measures are pursued, and justice done.

This, I am not addressing to the legislature, or executive power of the government; but to the people. It is for them my book is intended. Not for the representatives of a year or four years, but for themselves. It is Tom, Dick, and Harry, in the woods, that I want to read my book. I do not care though the delegated authorities never see it. I will not say it is to their masters that I write, for I reprobate the phrase. I have no idea of masters or servants in a republic. But it is to their constituents that I consider myself as applying, in the observations I make. At the same time professing, which, after what has happened in my case, is perhaps necessary, that I have not the slightest disrespect for the representatives that have been or may again be; I only wish them to support a character in their deliberations, which the world must approve. Or rather I wish the democracy supported, which can be done only on the basis of wisdom, which contains in it truth and justice.

Error is always weakness. Integrity cannot save error. It can only reduce it from misdemeanour to frailty.

In what is the democracy likely to err? How do men err when they run from one extreme to another? There may be an extreme in economy as well as in expenditure. The economists are a good description of persons; but may not always be the illuminati. There is such a thing as economy over much. A man of spirit, and enterprise in his private affairs, will be sensible that it is no economy to stint his labourers of wages; or to higgle in his bargains. More depends upon judgment, and expansion of mind in his plans, than in nigardliness in his contracts. Laying out well, brings in, and improves his plantation. The federal government, in the opinion of some, taxed too much, or injudiciously. We will not tax at all, Rather than tax, we will bend our minds to reduce offices and salaries; at a time too when the purchase of commodities proves to us, that the value of money is reduced, and the price of living advanced one half. The jurisdiction of the justices of the peace proves this; for it must have been a good deal, on this ground that it has been increased from fifty, or thereabouts, to one hundred dollars. But it is not merely the reduction of offices and salaries, that is the evil, but the wounding a principle of the constitution; or straining a principle, to get quit of these: for, it cannot be dissembled, that it is broached in many places, to over-throw the whole judiciary establishment, and put men upon the bench that will take the honour of it for the compensation. This might look well at first glance; but it would ultimately destroy the democracy by which it was accomplished. But suppose nothing of this in contemplation or attempted; who are they that oppose an amelioration of the judicial system, competent to an administration of justice, by an increase of the districts, or the judges?—The economists: Though, it can be demonstrated, that a pound is lost to the community, where a penny is saved. But it does not come by the way of direct tax; but insensible filching, in the way of the expences of attending courts.

But the justice of the thing is more; the dispatch of trial, and decision. The delay of justice, is the denial of justice. It would be for the credit of the democratic administration to have just ideas on this head. There are amongst them who have; but it is not universal.—The fact is, that it will not always be borne; and their adversaries will triumph.

Were it not for the name of the thing, I do not see that a judge in this state need care much about being broken; for it is but a pack-horse business at present. It requires as much sitting as a weaver, and as much riding as a carrier of dispatches. I often think of the language of Job, in more senses, than one, "my days are swifter than a post."

In riding from one court to another it is necessary to be at a certain point by a certain hour, though rain falls, flood swells, and roads are bad.—Even in good weather there are bad roads. Why not make good roads? Here again the economists present themselves. The roads are left to the townships; even the great state roads; and no improvements of a public nature are attempted, or thought of: economy is the order of the day. It would seem that democracy had no soul; that it views things on a narrow scale. That it has not knowledge or the ambition "to make a great state out of a small." I would wish it to stretch a little in its views, as to the amendment of the roads, and the improvement of the judicial system. But this is not a building up, but a pulling down time.

I know what it will pull down eventually; the democracy. People will be as much dissatisfied, by and by, with economy resisting all improvements, as they were of late with provisional armies, and a house tax. A false economy, not resisting merely the accomplishment of public objects, but sacrificing to itself the establishments that do exist. It is the Moloch that is calling for the constitution that it may devour it. It is to this idol that the third branch of the government must be offered up in one shape or another. For what is it, whether a judge is broke upon the bench; or his neck broke upon the roads?

Economy may save the representatives for the time being, until by feeling, the people come to have a sense of the policy. But, it will affect the credit of the democracy; and in the end bring it down. It is a paralytic that will terminate in a convulsion of the public mind and change the administration. It is in the nature of things that this will be the case; for great is the force for truth, and it will prevail.

In what I have said on this head; I will acknowledge that I have in view, chiefly that economy which resists an improvement of the judicial system. Though probably before this is read, it will not be of consequence to me but as a citizen, and perhaps not even in that capacity, whether it is improved or not.

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CHAPTER XI.

I FEEL a disposition in writing this bagatelle, to introduce something solid, and therefore have contrived to bring about a conversation on the part of the Captain, with the principal of the college. It was on the subject of education: not education generally, but particular points of academic institution.

I do not like, said the Captain, the enjoining, or imposing, to use a stronger term, tasks of original composition. It is well to instruct in grammar, and the elements of writing so far as respects arrangement, perspicuity, and the choice of proper words: and in this I have but one rule, which is to think first, and endeavour to have a clear idea, and then to put it down in such expression as to be best understood. The definition of stile given by Swift, nothing can surpass; "proper words in proper places." And for this purpose translation is the best exercise. It is absurd to require of youth thoughts before they have any; or at least, correct thoughts. Help me out with my description; assist me with my theme, says one.—What shall I do for an oration, says another?—Is it ever a complaint in common life, that men want tongues? Are you obliged to urge them to write in newspapers? The difficulty is to keep them from it. They will be talking and scribbling before they know what to say, or to write. The seven years silence of Pythagoras was a noble institution. What an excellent improvement it would be in our public bodies, that a man should serve, say two years, before he should have leave to open his mouth, save just to say aye or no!

But we begin our system of errors at the very schools. The student must compose. It is true we have improved upon the system of the last century in this particular; and do not now insist upon it that it shall be in verse. It is sufficient that it be in prose. I mean, that making latin hexameters, or English hendecasyllables, are not now a task. But it still remains that the boys must write.—And yet the poet which you put into their hands says,

Recte scribendi, sapere principium est, et fons;

Good sense is the foundation of good writing.

I do not like much, your declaiming in colleges; though doubtless the ancients had this practice;

——Ut inter discipulos plotres, et declamatio fias,

But is this arbitrary speaking calculated for any other purpose, but to make a pedant? You must stretch out your hand, at this; you must draw up your leg at that.—Here you must say Ah! there, Oh! It is the feeling of the heart only that gives attitudes; it is passion only that can swell out the breast, or agitate the members. I have seen an old woman angry, or moved with grief, play the orator very naturally. The emotions of her spirit, distends the arm and stretches out the muscles. She clenches her fist at the proper period, and lays her emphasis upon the proper words. She says Oh! or Ah! in its proper place, without being taught it by rule, or pedagogue.

Passion blows a man up like a bladder. He grows as big as himself. His hair rises on his head, and his breast heaves. Will rules give a man passion? Will a man that feels, stand in need of rules?

I perceive, Captain, said the Principal, that you are no slouch at supporting a paradox. Polybius tells us, that the Romans exercised themselves on shore, learning to keep stroke, and to feather their oars, while their gallies were building, to encounter the Carthagenians, in the first Punic war. Can it be of no use to stretch the joints a little even without passion? Or cannot passion be called up by the exertion of the speaker, even in a feigned case? It is something to accustom youth to stand up, and face an audience. At all events, it is an amusement, and it can do no harm to the boys to spout a little. At the same time it is no proof of eminence in real speaking that the youth spouts well. For that as you say, must come from sentiment and feeling. But there is something in a habit of declaiming, at least to assist the voice and gesture. But I have always thought it preposterous in our Young Ladies Academies, to put little misses forward to speak. I have thought it an indelicacy to suffer them to declaim. It is unnatural; for what occasion can they have to harangue?

I am of the same opinion, said the Captain. I could never approve in a family to see a little miss called up by a silly mother, or weak father, to hold out her hand, and speak a passage which the blockhead of a teacher had instructed her to commit to memory. It is indelicate, and out of nature.

To what assists the memory, I have no objection.—But for this purpose, there are sentences in the Scriptures, in the Proverbs of Solomon, especially; the Gospels, and the writings of St. Paul. In Shakespeare, are fine thoughts drawn from human nature; moral observations consolatory, or instructive. Let them be got by memory, because recollected, they will guide, conduct, or embellish conversation. These would be a good substitute for catechisms, containing points of faith, which the young mind cannot comprehend; and the divines dispute about themselves. Catechisms might be laid up for grown persons. The fact is, the early catechumeni, were all grown persons. It was not until the time of John Knox that they began to teach children the dogmata of the scholastic theology. The Jews had it in command from Moses, to teach their children sentences; or precepts of the law. They were taught to bind them on their arms, or about their necks in slips of writing which they called phylacteries. But do we hear of teaching them the Talmud of Jonathan, or the Targum of Ben Onkelos? The commentaries of Rabbi David; or Eben Ezra the Jew, never superseded amongst them, the precepts of the decalogue.

I had no idea, Captain, said the Principal, that you had so much knowledge of the Pentateuch.

A little only, said the Captain. But I go on to observe that in Turkey, they commit to memory only the moral lessons of the Koran; or of the Misnud of Persia. The Vedam of India is a book chiefly for the Priests; and so with us ought to be the greater part of the confessions.—At least mature years, only can digest them.

But these dogmata planted in the memory, grow up to fruit in the understanding afterwards, said the Principal.

That is, said the Captain, commit to memory now, what you will understand afterwards. I would have memory and understanding go together. But this leads me to say a word, on memory, as you divines say when you preach. For you talk of saying but a word, when before you are done, you make a sermon out of it. Memory is a thing improveable, and ought to be improved, I do not therefore approve of this thing of taking notes. Your read your lectures, and the student must take notes. It spoils his hand; for trying to keep up with you he writes fast, and runs into scratches like short hand, or the Coptic alphabet.

Sometimes the student copies the lectures, to a great waste of time, and unnecessarily; for learned professors thought they had done a great deal in getting them out of manuscript into print; and now the labour is to get them out of print into manuscript again. But the principal disadvantage, is the neglect of the memory. And when a man gets a thing in his book, he neglects to put it into his head. Let the thing rest in the brain if possible.

Pedagogues that teach the first elements of arithmetic will instruct the youth to work their sums, as they call it, on their slates; and afterwards put down the figures in their books. This is to take home to show to their parents, that they may seem to be doing something, and the master get a good name. But it is a loss of time and paper.

The same pedantry is carried up into higher institutions; and the classes copy lectures, to make themselves, or others, believe that they have been doing something.—

Just at this instant a gun went off, and thinking somebody might have been shot, they broke off the conversation.

A fracas in the mean time had taken place, at the sign of the New Almanac. The cause of this tumult at the public house, was the circumstance of a disagreement which had taken place between the apothecary and his tumbler, the bog-trotter. The latter having got upon the stage first, insisted that he himself was the doctor, and the apothecary the tumbler; and indeed it seemed to be the most consistent; for the apothecary had the appearance of being, by far, the most alert man.—Active and nimble he could leap like a monkey. It was for this reason, the public took the part of Teague, and insisted that he should retain his station of doctor, and the apothecary should play the part of tumbler. Accordingly, he was under the necessity, however reluctant, to take his place upon the platform, and begin his pranks previously to the opening of the sale of drugs.

The bog-trotter in the mean time, acting in the capacity of doctor Mountebank, had displayed his boxes, papers and phials.

But saying nothing of these he made it known to the multitude, that he had a good will for the people of that village; that having been long absent, he had at length returned, with the knowledge which he had acquired by his travels, and with some wealth which he had encompassed by means of that knowledge; that in consideration of natural love and affection he was about to bestow a dollar upon every man present.

At the sound of the word dollar every ear was erected. No conventicle ever had hearers more attentive.

God love you, said he, my dear country paple and namesakes, hold out your hands, and your purses at the same time, and take dis dollar, dat I hold in my hand before every one o'd you. For here is dat famous powder tyed up so neatly here every paper by itself, which I sell to all de world for two dollars; you shall have dear honies, and much good may it do you; for nothing at all, but de half o'dat, one dollar a pace, and da devil a worm will ever trouble you afterwards. Here is two dollars going for one dollar; just out of love and kindness to de paple of de place.

The multitude, who had expected the bounty in hard cash, were somewhat disappointed; but nevertheless considering the bargain, the greater part that would muster a dollar, took the gift, and gave it in exchange.

The apothecary was so much pleased with the success of the new partner, that though on his part degraded to the inferior station, he counted it no misfortune; but began to tumble with more good will, if not with a better grace than before; submitting to the doctor mountebank, who affected now and then to chastise him with a cowskin, to teach him manners and alacrity in his profession.

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CHAPTER XII.

THIS being the annual election, the Captain apprehensive that Teague might be taken up in the borough, as the people are ever fond of new things, and the late gift of a dollar in the sale of the drugs, had made him popular; though what he sold for a dollar was not more in the apothecaries shops than a few cents; apprehensive of trouble, I say, as on former occasions, when he had seen less of the world, and was not so well qualified for a representative, the Captain thought proper to withdraw the bog-trotter for a day or two from the village, and take a journey in the country, where his merits were less known, and there was less danger of his being kidnapped for such a purpose.

But whether owing to themselves, or to the times, the office of a judge, happening to be extremely obnoxious; there was danger of being taken for one of them in their rambles; and therefore it became necessary to be on their guard, more especially on account of the bog-trotter; so as not to go near an assembling of people, whether for the sake of an election, or for other purposes.

With all his caution, and circumspection, keeping the bog-trotter in the middle of the road; and warning him against what might happen; nevertheless, going too near a place where a poll was holden, the unfortunate scavenger, as I may call him, was recognized by some present, as having been upon the bench. The rumour soon went out, that one of the ci-devant judges was making his escape, and the populace were called to apprehend the fugitive. Teague, denial being, in his way of thinking, a main point in the law, even had it been the case, was ready to swear by the holy poker, and the fathers, and every oath that could be put to him, and with great truth, that he had never been upon a bench in his life; nor had been in the capacity of a judge, or justice, since the day that he came into the country.

"Thy speech bewrayeth thee," said one of the people called Quakers; "I saw thee on the bench; and heard thee give thy charge to the grand jury."

By the bye he was mistaken; for it was a Scotch judge that had given the charge; but he mistook one brogue for the other.

But the Quaker was believed, and the bog-trotter stood convicted.

Yes, said the multitude, he has the very physiognomy of a judge; you may see it in his face. Hang him at once, and be done with his judge-ship.

A rope-maker brought a new cord, with which never man had been hung, and throwing it over the limb of a tree, was about to attach the other end to the neck, when the sudden squall of a pig, that some one had hit with a stick, drew off the eyes of the multitude, and the attention of the man that held the halter; and the bog-trotter seeing an opening, made a sudden spring, and escaped from the crowd. He was pursued but a little way; no one chusing to tire himself, not understanding that any reward had been proffered by the government for the taking up a judge.

The Captain seeing Teague clear, and running now almost out of sight, began to expostulate with the multitude, and upbraid them for this violence.

Do you call in question the right of the people, said one of them, to hang their officers?

But are you the people? said the Captain. A few mad caps get together, and call themselves the people; and talk of the majesty of the people. You do not appear to be a very discerning people, to take my bog-trotter for a judge; nor can your majesty be deemed very gracious, and merciful, that would hang him up, not giving time to say his prayers, or to have the conversation of a clergyman. Had he been a spy come into your camp, in the war, on the eve of an engagement, you could not have showed signs of greater dispatch in taking away life, than in this instance.

Captain, said a man that knew him, do not think so hard of these young men; they had no intention of hanging him outright.

But even half-hanging, said the Captain, is no pleasant sport to him that is the subject of it.

With that turning round his horse, he left the ground, and returned to the village; reflecting with himself on the danger of wandering far from the place of his abode; or at least venturing where he was not known; lest he might be mistaken for a judge also, and brought to a hasty end by the limb of a tree, as was near being the case with his unfortunate bog-trotter, a short time ago, in the place which he had just quitted; and which he never wished to see again.

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CHAPTER XIII.

HAVING composed himself at home some time, the Captain took an opportunity, at a leisure hour, to pay a visit to the blind lawyer, and entering into conversation, ventured to put the question, Whence the rage against the judges? Had it always been the case, or was it a late matter that had broken out? Did it depend upon moral causes; or was it a matter of accident, unaccountable by man?

There is in the human mind, at all times, said the blind lawyer, a disposition to throw off shackles, and revert to the natural simplicity of early ages; not that we relish even in imagination, the oak, and the acorn; but we pass over these which were the food, and covering of the primitive inhabitants; and we think only of their liberty. How delightful is it to lie on one's back, and whistle; having no care, and no laws to trouble us.—Down with the lawyers, has been the language of the human heart ever since the first institution of society. It breaks out into action, some times, as the history of Jack Cade informs us.

A spirit of reform, is, unquestionably, a salutary temper of the times; because there is at all times, need of reformation. This is the angel that descends into the pool, and troubles the waters; so that he who steppeth in afterwards, is made whole. But troubling does not mean muddying the waters; but giving them motion, and exciting a current. It is by the spirit of the atmosphere, the wind, that the waters of the ocean are preserved salutary. But from the same cause springs the tempest, and hurricane. The spirit of reform is terrible in its excess. It is a matter of great judgment to stay it at a proper point.

Is not the right of universal suffrage, said the Captain, a great cause of this excess in our councils: persons young in the world, in the country, or such as have but little property put upon the same footing with those that have a greater stake in the preservation of the laws, and in the stability of the government?

It is extremely difficult, if not altogether impossible, said the blind lawyer, to adjust this matter to general satisfaction, and at the same time, general safety. With regard to age, it cannot well be carried, later than the age which gives the ownership, and disposition of real estate; and as to qualification of property, it has been found impracticable to carry it into effect. For how can the value of estate clear of all drawbacks, which any man possesses, be ascertained?

It seems inhospitable to hold the emigrant to a quarantine; and postpone the exercise of suffrage, to a distant day, and yet it is natural for an individual whom we admit to become a co-tenant of our habitation, to think that he can serve us, and himself also, by some alterations in the structure, or compartments of the cabin. The German inhabiting a cold country, naturally thinks of accommodation to the winter; the Briton also, anticipates the heat very little. Neither of these are aware of the particular winds that blow, or of the rains, at certain periods that usually descend; or of the diseases of the climate. The older resident ought to be consulted, and his notion of things not too lightly undervalued.

The idea of reform delights the imagination. Hence reformers are prone to reform too much. There is a blue and a better blue; but in making the better blue, a small error in the proportion of the drug, or alkali, will turn black. A great enemy to a judicious reform is a distrust of those skilled in the subject of the reform; and yet there is ground of distrust where those skilled in the subject, have any possible interest in the reform itself.—One would suppose that an old lawyer out of practice; one who had been a judge, and no longer on the bench, might be trusted in all questions of amendment of the judicial system. But the legislative body is the organ of amendments; and it is natural for one branch to endeavour to absorb the independence of another, or to be suspected of it. Hence jealousy and distrust, which an enlightened policy can alone dissipate.

But the present idea of reform seems to be to pull down altogether, said the Captain. I do not know that you will see "down with the judges" just written upon fence rails; or scored on tavern windows; but it is a very common language, among the more uninformed of the community. The danger is that it may be mistaken for the voice of the people, and under that idea influence the constituted authorities.

That would be an error, said the blind lawyer. For it does not follow that, because a thing seems to have advocates, that it is the voice of the people. The noisy are heard; but the dissentients are silent. Hence it is that those who hold the administration for the time being, are not always aware of the real inclination of the public mind. It is at the moment they seem to have the greatest way, that an under current begins to set. The truth and justice of the case, therefore is the great guide; not what may appear to be the popular opinion.

There would seem to be good sense in what you say, said the Captain; and for a blind man, you appear to have a tolerable insight into things. But how shall the truth and justice of the case be known in a government?

It is not an easy matter, said the blind lawyer; or, as in the present conversation, I ought rather to call him, the blind politician. For there are fanatics, and there are designing men. The fanatic is an honest creature, that thinks he is doing God's service; when at the same time he is undermining the pillars of the constitution.—The designing man, sails with whatever he finds to be the current: or, rather than let the pool stagnate, he will excite a current. In order to be something in a government, a man must do something. There is little to be got by doing good; for all feel the benefit; but no one enquires into the cause. It is by disorganization, that reputation is most easily acquired. The introducing a new law, or the pulling down an old magistrate, says Machiavel, are the means by which a young person may distinguish himself in a commonwealth. Indeed, even an old person, will find his account in showing game. If he cannot show a panther, he must show a hind, and raise the talliho.

I do not know, whether you call a judge a hind or a panther, said the Captain; but that seems to be the game at present. Every one must have a whit at a judge.—No festival can be celebrated with suitable patriotism, without a dash at the judiciary.

There is danger, said the politician, of running down a branch of the government. It is a delicate point to restrain and not to overthrow. Wrong or excess terminates in the loss of liberty.

Individual injury may be done, said the Captain; but the constitution is a barrier to usurpation.

Our constitutions are yet green, said the politician. Inflexions are easy. It is construction makes the constitution; and these vary with the men in power. A witch at a mast head is not more dangerous, than the spirit of ambition. A branch of the government, is no more than a bramble bush before it. A philosopher is at a loss to know whether to laugh or shed tears, when he hears invectives against the immediate usurpers of a government, when the thing had its foundation in the errors of the people a long time before. It is like laying the death of a man upon death itself, instead of the primary causes which had sown the seeds of his disease. The ambition of individuals out of doors, and afterwards within doors, to carry particular points, without looking to the consequences, or overlooking them for the sake of the immediate object, is the invisible gas, or poison, that with a slow or rapid process, ultimately produces fever, and brings on dissolution. Self-denial is the great virtue of a republic. It is the opposite of ambition. Self-denial looks only at justice. It looks at the public good.—Self-denial may not be accompanied with information; but it is ready to receive information. It is not always an apt; but it is at least a willing scholar. But inordinate self-love, begets obstinacy in the weak mind, and ambition in the strong; both destructive of happiness, political, or personal.

I hear a sound, said the Captain, like that of many tongues; and I see a man running, whose strides are like those of my bog-trotter.

It was a tumult in the village occasioned by the bog-trotter; though he could not be the cause of it. Talk much about a thing, and you will put it into the people's heads. The fact was, that in a meeting of the citizens, it had been proposed a second time, to make Teague a judge.

Make him a devil, said a rash man, getting angry.

A devil, let it be then, said the populace; and while one went to get horns, and another hair to make a tail, the bog-trotter was left standing in the midst. But he did not stand long; for understanding what was about to be done with him, he slipped cable, and shot a-head half a square, before the people were under way to retake him.

His object was to reach the Captain and the blind lawyer, whom he saw conversing at a distance: but he was under the necessity of making some doubles, to elude his pursuers. At length, however, reaching the Scean gate, more fortunate than Hector, he threw himself under the protection of the Captain; who being made acquainted with the cause of this uproar, was beginning to expostulate with the rioters.

Captain, said they, is it reasonable that the people should be checked in every thing they do? Was it not enough for you to throw cold water upon making him a judge, or the editor of a telegraph; but you must also obstruct his advancement to the office of a devil.

Finding the people warm, the Captain thought it prudent to lay the blame a little on the bog-trotter in the first instance.

Teague, said he, this is the first promotion to which I have ever known you to have the least objection. Is it a false pride, or a false delicacy, that induces you to decline the appointment? Were it not more advisable for you to accept your credentials; the tail and horns, than, through affected modesty, to decline the commission? or at least carry the matter so far, as to be a fugitive from honour.

In a free government, said the blind lawyer, a man cannot be said to have dominium directum, or an absolute property in his own faculties. You owe yourself to the commonwealth. If the people have discovered in what capacity, you can best serve them, it behooves you to submit, and accept the trust.

The bog-trotter, on the other hand, though he could not yet speak from the fast running, was averse from the proposition; not only on account of the unbecoming appearance of the badge of the office, but least if made a devil, in appearance, he should be taken for one in reality. He might be claimed by Lucifer, perhaps, and ordered upon duty, not having a liking to the service; whether it might be to tempt good people, or afflict the bad.

The fact is, he was taken by surprise; and even when he got his breath, he stood gaping and at a loss what to say. It appeared to him an unintelligible matter, how he could be of any use to the community, in the capacity of a devil; or how tails and horns, should change the endowments of his mind, though it did the appearance of his body. Hinting this, as well as he could in broken sentences, he was answered by the populace; "that he had made no objection of that kind when he had been made a judge; or acted in that capacity; or when it was proposed to put him at the head of a paper; that in fact it was a new thing from any candidate, unless, indeed, under an affectation of modesty, to allege want of parts, or inadaptation to a place of profit or of power."

But perhaps it is the first time, said the lawyer, that it has been proposed to diabolize a man. Even of offices that are known to the constitution, there are some, which men of a liberal education, would wish to decline; though, by the bye, it is not good policy to decline an office because of the subordinate nature of it; for submission to the will of the people, in this respect, may be the means of obtaining their suffrages at another time, to a more important station; wherefore I would recommend it to the young man to turn devil, since it is the public voice.

It will require no great change of mind, said the Captain, to qualify him. The metamorphose need only be of his body. His parts otherwise may stand as they are.—But I would ask, is it not a superfluous alteration in the economy of the world? Is not the devil that is already made, competent to all necessary purposes, Why apply steam to propel a boat, unless against the current?

It is true, said the Lawyer, we have it in all indictments "moved by the instigation of the devil." And there is no complaint of the want of a devil, to instigate indictments.

Were that the case, said the Captain, I should be unwilling to withhold assistance even to do mischief when the community required it. But all matters appear to me to be going on pretty well towards confusion in this village. And why increase the number of devils, I do not well comprehend.

Cui bono, said the Lawyer, of what use? Why carry coals to New-Castle, or timber to the wood?

It appeared to the more reasonable that there was good reason in this; and it was agreed to postpone the making a devil at that time.

But it will not be understood that even the bulk of the people really conceived that it was in their power to constitute a devil with the qualities of one. They had no idea of turning devil-makers, to that extent of the composition. They had sense enough to know, that all they could do was to give the form, and appearance of one. For however men of superior standing in society, may be disposed to undervalue the common people, and to reckon them fools, there are as many knaves amongst them as fools, and perhaps more, upon a nice scrutiny. These rogues who were at the bottom of the business, meant no more than their amusement with the public, and a little mirth at the expence of the Captain. Nevertheless, the matter had been carried so far, that had not the Captain and the blind Lawyer, assisted with their address, and parried the proposition of devil-making by an indirect argument, the inutility of it, the matter must have gone on, and a devil, in some sense of the word, must have been made. For it may easily be conceived, what a flame it would have raised to have stood forward boldly, and alleged that the idea of making a devil was a wicked conception, and its origin, in a design to overthrow the government; that it was a diabolical attempt, and they must be worse than devils, into whose heads it had come. Nor would it have mended the matter much, to have told them that they were themselves devils, or at least do the work of devils in hostility to churches, and schools of learning. For as by the application of mechanical powers we gain a force above the direct strength of a man, so by that mode of speech and reasoning, which flatters self-love, and hides the application that is intended. Men deserve great credit, who, by skill in science, have lessened labour; who by the invention of useful tools, have rendered the life of man more comfortable upon this globe. But they deserve not less praise, who by study and reflection have rendered themselves capable of managing the minds of men. This is the art of oratory, which consists not in length of speech, or melody of voice, or beauty of diction; but in wise thoughts: and here our orators from the schools fail. Men of business learn to take things by the right handle, and to speak with a single view to persuade. You might as well expect good liquors without fermentation, as a man of real sense without experience in life. Doubtless all experience will not of itself suffice. There must be a substratum, or layer of judgment to begin with, in order to make a man of sense. Some may ask me of what use it is to have recorded these freaks of the town's people? It is not pretended that it is of any, farther than to keep my fingers going. But is not that something to a man's self? There is a pleasure in writing, which only the man who writes knows. Yet I believe no man would write, unless he expected somebody to read. His own reading would be small if he did not expect to have it found out that he had read. Thus self-love is, in a great degree, the spring of all things. Is it nothing to be able to show how easily I can elevate small matters? That is the very reason why I assume this biography. Any one can write the campaign of a great prince, because the subject sustains the narrative. But it is a greater praise to give a value to the rambles of private persons, or the dissensions of a borough town. One advantage is, that these transactions being in a narrow compass, the truth can be reached with more certainty, the want of which is a drawback upon histories of greater compass, most of them being little better than the romance of the middle ages, or the modern novel.

Having premised thus much, we go on to a fact that took place the following Sunday.

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CHAPTER XIV.

THERE had been so much said of devil-making, in the village, for the last two or three days, that it had come to the ears of the clergyman, who became alarmed; and thought he had as many devils on his hands already as he well knew what to do with; not alluding to the devil in the scripture; but the diabolicism of wicked men. He chose a text therefore, from which he could draw inferences on this subject; a passage of the Scripture which might seem to have an allusion to the devil they had been about to mike the preceding week, and at the same time furnish a clue to some illustrations of the text. The words fixed upon, were those in the book of Job.

"And Satan came also among them."

It so happened, that just at the giving out of the text, the bog-trotter with his walking pole, made his appearance at the west end of the church, which the people seeing, and mistaking him for that devil of which the parson spoke, rose as one man, and called out "the devil." For it was seldom that Teague had come to church; but the Captain had enjoined it upon him that day, to see what reformation it might produce in his life, and conversation. It was unfortunate that the clergyman, in pronouncing the word, had happened to direct his eye toward that end of the church at which Teague was; which drew the attention of the people to the same quarter; and hence the impression, as sudden as it was universal.

As from a theatre, where the scenery has taken fire, there is an effort to escape, and the spectators rush in every direction; so on the present occasion. The greater part had got out and were at some distance from the church, in disorder, the deacons endeavouring to rally them like officers, the flying squadrons of a routed army; but in vain; the panic had been so great, that every one was willing to make the best of his way, from the scene of action.

The Clergyman himself, was not a little terrified, thinking that, contrary to expectation, the devil had come among them; and though he himself had seen nothing of him with the naked eye, yet that he had been visible to the congregation. Accordingly he had made his escape at an early period of the flight, and was on a hill, apart in the rear of the church, at prayers; with his eyes open; not shut, as was his custom, for on this occasion, he had thought it advisable to have a look out, not knowing what might heave in sight, before he had concluded.

The clerk being a lame man, had sat still in the desk, and given out a Psalm, so that of the whole, he was the only one who could be said to remain at his post.

The bog-trotter, was under a more unfortunate mistake; for he took it for granted, from the words of the clergyman which he had heard, and from the alarm of the people, that he had in reality undergone a change, and had become a devil. His endeavour, therefore, was to fly from himself: like one whose clothes are on fire.—His howling and shouting, like that of a beaten dog, increased the disturbance, and his own perturbation. He was a mile from the village before he ventured to look back; and even then, he did not stop, but continued his route to a greater distance in the country; at the same time not convinced fully of his metamorphose; for putting his hand to his head, he could feel no horn, nor a tail behind his back, though he endeavoured to catch at this also. Hence it was, that he thought it proper to extricate himself, and ascertain at his leisure, the real state of the case, as to his being what he was, and the idiosincracy of his existence.

Certain it is the bog-trotter had no great intrinsic value in the qualities of his head, or heart; nevertheless, from habit or some other principle, the Captain had conceived some attachment to him; and was uneasy at his disappearing, especially under the late circumstances; not knowing what might befal him from a mistake of characters. In the present state of the public mind, with regard to the judiciary, it might happen to him to be viewed again under that aspect, and be laid hold upon as before, and put in fear of his life. Nor was it a thing morally certain that he might not become a trespasser himself, if not upon the persons, at least upon the property of men. The want of food might tempt him to rob hen-roosts, or break spring-houses, which are used as dairies or to keep meats fresh, in the summer season.—On these grounds, he thought it both for the public good, and that of the individual, to endeavour to reclaim, and bring him back. As to the idea of his turning hermit, which some thought probable, it never came into the head of the Captain. For though he knew that disappointments in love or in ambition, have oftentimes made hermits, yet this must have taken place in the case of persons of greater sensibility than had ever been discovered in the bog-trotter. Misanthropy is sometimes the natural characteristic of the mind; but more generally the offspring of extreme benevolence, hurt by ingratitude. Hence it ought to be inculcated to indulge even benevolence, with moderation; and to be careful against sanguine expectations of gratitude, from those served. "Be not weary in well doing" to others, even though a correspondent mind in those served, does not always show itself. But for the sake of self-preservation, it is unsafe to count too much upon the fruit which good acts may produce. The seed does not always fall upon good soil, and the seasons may blight the crop. But the anchorite is not usually made of such as Teague O'Regan, who had rather be among men, getting flesh and fowl to eat, than living on vegetables in the woods, and drinking the element of water from the pure rock; or to trace the matter somewhat farther back, as we have already hinted, where the natural mind does not find its enjoyments, in the association of the happiness of others with its own.

The whole village appeared to take an interest in the uneasiness of the Captain, from the loss of his servant.—The young man who had set up the pole-cat to counteract the paper of Porcupine, had gone out in quest of him, and from his knowledge of the woods, looking for cats, could more readily than others, go to such recesses, or point out such caverns, as might be expected to receive him.

The blind Lawyer and fiddler had paid the Captain a visit, to console him, the one with his violin; the other with his conversation. The blind lawyer made light of the matter, and thought that taking to his trotters, was the best thing that Teague O'Regan could have done; and that the leaving the village, for a time, though operating in the nature of exile, yet carried nothing more with it than had happened in the case of Aristides among the Greeks, or Marcellus among the Romans; and illustrious characters of all countries, who avoided envy or yielding to unjust prosecution, had been under the necessity of abandoning their country for a period. Some indeed had spent the remainder of their lives in foreign countries; and were buried by people, who formed a juster estimate of their merits, than their ungrateful countrymen, whose happiness had been advanced by their wise counsels, or heroic actions. But that in the case of the bog-trotter, there was great reason to believe, not only that he would be well received by the neighbouring states; but that in due time he would be recalled to the bosom of his country, with feelings of a contrary nature; but in proportion to the ignominy of his exit.

The Captain felt a degree of consolation from the observations; but at the same time, could not avoid expressing his regret that he had not favoured the ragamuffin, throughout, in his pretensions to become an editor of a gazette; and the proposition of the citizens, to put him at the head of a paper; for though it might have subjected him to a kick, or a cuff, now and then, for a blackguard paragraph, yet he would have avoided the danger of being taken, as had been the case, for a judge, or a devil.

But, said the blind Lawyer, as you intended it for the best, though it has turned out otherwise; yet there is no reason, why you should blame yourself; or that others should find fault. Time and chance happeneth to all men. In the capacity of editor, he would have been subject to indictments for libels, to which a want of an accurate knowledge of law in matters of written slander, might have rendered him liable. He had some legal knowledge, I presume; having studied, not at the temple, but in this country, perhaps with more advantage; for I believe it is pretty well understood, that temple study is not of much account.

He understands about as much law, as my horse, said the Captain; for which reason it was the greater burlesque to talk of making him a judge. Unless indeed all legal knowledge, should be put down, and men should determine by their own arbitrary notions of right and wrong, independent of rules, and principles.

As to the making him a judge, said the Lawyer, I do not take it there ever was any thing serious in it; and even as to the present obloquy against the law, I am disposed to think the current has in a great degree spent itself. Accusation and condemnation are not the same thing. It is no new thing to see accusation and condemnation mean the same, under an arbitrary government.—Indeed in a government of laws, we have seen the power of aristocracy, the influence of wealth and office, exerting itself, and sometimes succeeding in running down the accused; so that while they enjoyed the name, they were deprived of the substance of trial. Even in a democracy, not in name only, but in fact, ambitious men have misled, and pretending the public good, have had in view, their own purposes. But in the free and equal representation of a larger borough, and before a deliberate tribunal, it is contrary to moral probability that accusation and condemnation, will come to be considered as the same thing. Adversaries may pretend this; and in order to bring a slur upon a republican administration, may even wish it. But it is not in the common course of things that it should be the case.

I do not know, said the Captain; I have not read a great deal of history, ancient or modern, to be able to take a view of the judicial proceedings in the case of public men in republican governments; but there is a difference in this borough, from the ancient republics, in the matter of representation. In the forum of Rome, the people themselves assembled; and heard the cause.—They had not to look over the shoulder to see how the constituent, who was not within hearing, stood affected; or to reflect in their own minds, how an acquittal would be taken by the voters, who had prejudiced the case, and had said, the officer must be brought down. Do you think Sylla, on his abdication, would have offered to submit the necessity of his proscriptions, to the people in a representative capacity?

And yet, said the lawyer, the chances for justice, would seem to be in favour of a body removed from the multitude, and approaching more to a select tribunal. But the fact is, there is no perfection in any human institution. It is "the Judge only of all the earth," that can at all times do right.

It is a great thing to have no private views, and to have conscience; so that no enmity can warp, or dislike mislead. Understanding also, is requisite to confine the consideration to the charge, laying out of the view collateral suggestions. For if Cinna has not conspired, he ought not to be "torn for his bad verses."

But if justice cannot find a certain residence in a democratic government; she must leave the earth. I despair of finding it any where else. But I have felt tyranny, or have thought that I have felt it, even in the courts of justice. I had thought that I had felt it, and left a certain bar prematurely on that account: so that I am not one of those who lean against the investigation of judicial conduct. It is my object only to assist the democracy, with general observations; and by the democracy, I mean not so much the tribunals that are to judge, as the people that delegate the judgment.

It will be a great matter, that the judgment given, be able to stand the examination of law and reason, abroad and at home. High cases will come down to posterity, and fix the character of the administration. Liberty will be affected as posterity will approve or reverse the judgment. That is a high and transcendant court, with whom it lies to judge judges; and lessons of high honour and discernment from that court, will have an effect upon the streams of justice to the remotest fountains. If the understanding of such paramount tribunals, appear not beyond suspicion, from the decision given, it will be a great hurt. The really guilty may afterwards escape from an odium brought upon the prosecution.

An accusation will be less readily sustained, when accusation and condemnation, should ever that happen, comes to be considered as the same thing.

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CHAPTER XV.

NOTHING had been yet heard from the polecat man, who had gone in quest of the bog-trotter; nor from any other quarter, could the Captain learn the place of his banishment. Had he known where to find him, he could have sent him some books to read, suited to his present situation, and his state of mind. Bolingbroke on exile; Boethius, his consolation of philosophy; these, though he could not read himself, he could get others to read to him; unless indeed, he should have happened to have fallen into a very illiterate part of the country; or where the German only was spoken; and so these books which are written in English, could not be read; the last was written in Latin; but translated into English. Not having books to read, he would have to amuse himself with nine-mens-morrice, or cross-the-crown, in the sand, or upon chalked boards. Perhaps this might answer the purpose as well to an uncultivated mind, as dissertations of wisdom in manuscript, or print. Business is perhaps the best assuager of melancholy; but the indolence of the Ourang-Outang, as he may be called, speaking characteristically, would hinder him from using this means of cheating his imagination. Laziness was his fort; and there was reason to believe, that he knew it, and would stick to it.

The Captain, however, was not unattentive in his inquiries in the mean time, and hearing of a conjurer that had come to town, not having much faith in his art, but in compliance with the wishes of some who suggested it, he thought proper to consult this wise man, and gain from him such discoveries as he might think proper to communicate. Not that he imagined Teague had got among the stars, and taken his station with the crab, or the lion. But this conjurer, having more to do with bringing back stolen horses, or lost goods, than casting nativities, it might fall in his way, to ascertain the track of the bog-trotter.

The fact was, that O'Regan had been met with by the conjurer on his way to the village, and had been taken into his service as one that seemed to answer his purpose for an understrapper, having some knowledge of the town, and capable of acting the part of an under devil, whom he might occasionally raise, and interrogate upon the state of affairs at home, or abroad. The hair that had been intended for the devil's tail, sufficed now; for Teague pointed it out the evening they came to the village; and the horns were at hand, which had been provided for a former service.

In the capacity of assistant conjurer, O'Regan played his part in the commencement, well; and the ladies coming to consult, had some things told them that had happened; a circumstance that gave them full confidence in the information given with regard to things to come. It was this that had raised the credit of the conjurer, and made his art the subject of general conversation. For the tongue of a woman is an excellent promulgator in all that relates to secrets.

There was a widow lady of great fortune, that wished to see her second husband. The visage of the Captain just coming in, was reflected from the mirror, and she saw him.

My dear husband, said she, it must, it will be so. If the stars have ordained it, there is no getting over it. I shall be happy how soon it can be brought about. Can you tell conjurer, how long it will be before the knot is tied? How valuable an art it is that can so easily relieve doubts. By this time she had the Captain round the neck, and was kissing him, without regard to the company.

The Captain, from natural delicacy or a good education, was unwilling to repel the caresses of a lady; at the same time, thought he could not in honour take advantage of the mistake, under which she appeared to labour; but on the contrary, explained to her on principles of optics, the manner in which his physiognomy had been reflected from the lense, and that it would require another experiment to ascertain the real husband, which the stars intended.

The conjurer admitted that his glass had not yet been applyed to discover invisibles; that in fact, he had been only bringing it to bear, when the face of the Captain intercepted the vision.

The lady was satisfied, and disposed to reconcile herself to the real designation of celestial powers, conceiving it in vain to struggle with destiny; and therefore desired the conjurer to lose no time but to manifest to her the real object of her hopes.

Applying her eye to the glass, she saw a face that she did not greatly dislike; for it had the appearance of freshness and contentment; but she saw horns. Horns! said she. What can this mean?

Mean, said the Captain; every one knows the meaning of the emblem. Antlers is a common place figure for cuckoldom; and that would seem to have been the case with the poor man, in his former wife's time.

The lady was glad to find the allusion had passed ascant from herself, as indeed it could not well be made to her, not being yet married to the gentleman.

In fact it was the bog-trotter, who instead of raising a picture of the camera obscura, had thrust his own head into the box; and having just before affixed his tail, and put on his horns, the last were visible in that quarter, when he presented his physiognomy through the magic lantern, of the conjurer. His curiosity to see the lady, had led him to do this; and expecting that the conversation, before the scenes, would have lasted longer, before she began to look, he was surprised, and had not withdrawn his head.

The lady requested the conjurer to inform her, what length of time her future spouse, would be in coming down from the constellations.

It is not in our power to determine the orbits of fortune, said the conjurer, but simply the phases of the planetary changes.

I should like your faces better, said the lady, if you would bring them down without horns.

This face that the stars have shown, said the conjurer, is in the crescent; but if you come a day or two hence, he may be at the full, and without horns.

In the crescent, or at the full, said the lady, let us have him soon, since it is what I am to have. So saying, she withdrew.

The Captain stepped up to put his question relative to the bog-trotter; and explaining at full length the circumstance of his absconding, wished to know the place of his seclusion, and the means of his reception.

He is in my service, said the conjurer, acting the part of the devil, and is the very figure with the horns, which the lady that just now left us, has mistaken for her future husband; at the same time explained to the Captain, the circumstances under which he found the vagrant, and the manner in which he had accoutred him for the part he had to act; and also how it came to pass that he had got his head into the box, and shown his horns, which had given umbrage to the lady. He gave him also to understand, that he had found him a tolerably expert devil; that he carried his horns and his tail well; that he had raised him frequently, in the capacity of devil, since he came to town, and was to raise him that evening to some young men who had appointed to consult him on love matters; that if the Captain would wait, he might see him play his part, and judge of his dexterity in his new office.

As when in an epilepsy, the eye is fixed in the head, and presents a motionless stare, so looked the Captains' at this crisis. He was astonished at the deception of the fortune teller, and the vagaries of his waiter; this last adventure had exceeded all the rest. He could not avoid expressing his disapprobation of the foul play which had been shown the lady; and the fraud which had been put upon her, showing his bog-trotter for a person designated by the heavenly bodies, to be her partner in matrimony; and still more the iniquity of inveigling an ignorant creature, to take upon him the character of devil; a masque which he had been endeavouring to avoid, even at the risk of leaving the village; but what especially gave him pain, was the immorality of the occupation into which he had been led, picking peoples' pockets under a pretext of discovering things unknown, while in reality, the whole was an imposition. It was of lighter consideration that he had degraded himself and objects of ambition.

However, as the conjurer had him in his service, and some claim upon him, probably to fulfil his engagement, for the season, what could he say, or do? Contracts must be complied with; unless, indeed, the unlawfulness of the service, might relieve from the condition. For this, it would be necessary to consult the blind lawyer; and for which purpose, he took his leave, and withdrew.

The blind lawyer, was of opinion, no prior contract with the subordinate existing, having been but a servant at will, no habeas corpus or other legal process could lie on the part of the Captain, to take him out of the hands of the conjurer; and as to the unlawfulness of the service, that must be a plea in the bog-trotter's own mouth, and not in that of another for him. Doubtless it was a fraud upon the public: but the people themselves became a party, by consulting the wizard, and no action would lie to recover money back so thrown away. For potior est conditio possidentis. But in foro conscientiæ, it might be a question whether it was a wrong to trick people that were willing to be tricked. Si populus vult decipi, decipiatur.

The Captain thought it an immorality, to take such advantage of the credulity of the young, and the ignorant; or even of old fools; for truth, sincerity, and plain dealing, was the basis of morality.

A quid pro quo, in all contracts, said the Lawyer, is doubtless, necessary. There must be a consideration.—But it is not necessary that this be a substantial equivalent. One promise may be the consideration of another. Amusement is a consideration of a great part of our stipulations. Can any thing amuse more than fair hopes?

The pleasure is as great,
Of being cheated, as to cheat

I am not able to argue with a Lawyer, said the Captain, especially on principles of law; but this much I know, that the conjurer engages to perform what he cannot do, that is, to tell fortunes, and therefore deceives. Hence he is what I call a rogue. Now that my bog-trotter, low as he is, should be an apprentice to a rogue, or worse, an assistant and partner in iniquity, is a reflection upon me, who have brought him here; and independent of this, there is a degradation of turning devil. A printer's devil, we all know, means the lad that cleans the types, or puts on the black-ball; but this is a different sort of personage; and actually wears horns, and is in the semblance of Belzebub, or at least in that representation of him, which the painters give.

As to the degradation, said the blind Lawyer, that is matter of opinion. If we recur to popular language, and take our ideas of an honourable calling from common parlance, we shall find nothing of higher estimation in grade of profession, than that of the conjurer; we say of a physician, he is no conjurer; of a lawyer, he is no conjurer; and so on of other occupations, meaning that however eminent any one may be, still he falls behind the conjurer. But in a republican government, the trade or employment of a man is but little considered. The great matter is the profits of it. Does it make the pot boil? If the bog-trotter finds his account in the service and makes money, the world will wink at the means.

To act the part of a devil may be sinful, as a divine would say, but as to honour, I do not know it to be any impeachment to be a devil. The greater the devil the better the fellow. It is a cause of challenge to call a man a knave; but not to say he is a devil.

The Captain discovered that the lawyer was disposed to be playful, and not serious; and dropped the conversation; still hurt in his mind at the catastrophe of his subordinate itinerant, who had been on the pinnacle of fortune, in point of expectation, having fallen so low, and gone so far astray in his pursuits. But a change was given to his meditations when, in the mean time, the bog-trotter appeared, without tail or horns, or a whole shirt upon his back. He had lost all these in a scuffle with the conjurer, about the division of the profits. A misunderstanding had also taken place on the subject of alternating offices, the deputy insisting that he should change places occasionally with the master, who should act the devil in his turn. This the principal refused to do, and hence the disagreement, which had come to blows, was the cause of a separation.

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CHAPTER XVI.

POPULAR obloquy and reproach, had fallen upon the Captain, in consequence of his waiter having been with the conjurer, and acting in the capacity of devil.—Though, by the bye, it was the people themselves that had brought the thing about by the masking him with tail and horns. So inconsistent is the multitude, that they blame to-day what they themselves had caused yesterday. The Captain being hurt at this, and willing to clear off reflections, for the future, determined to deliver up the bog-trotter to themselves, to make of him what they thought proper. Accordingly having called a town meeting, and bidding Teague follow him, and addressing more particularly, the officers of the incorporation, he spoke as follows:

Fellow citizens, said he, here is that young man, whom you have made a devil of in this town; for it was you that made him a devil, and yet you blame me, as accessary to the wickedness; or rather, the principal in the act. Now here he is, stripped of his tail and horns; and, I will not say, like the sun, "shorn of his beams," for that would be too elevated a simile; nor like Sampson, "shorn of his hair;" for that would be also pompous. But I will say, like yourselves, without superfluous incumbrance. Take him therefore into your custody, and under your protection, and hew him into whatever shape you may chuse; fashion him as you please. Make him the editor of a newspaper, or transform him even to a judge of your courts. I shall not stand in the way of his promotion, or of your will any longer.

It was evident that the first impressions of the people, were favourable to the proposition; and that they took in good part, the condescension of the Captain to the public voice. But a factious man, in a leathern pair of breeches, who had never had an opportunity before of making himself heard, rose to speak. Captain, said he, is it fair to attempt a burlesque on the democracy, by intruding your servant on the public mind, for a post of profit, or of honour? It is true, the greater part of us, are but plain men, and illiterate, if you chuse to have it so; but yet it is to be hoped, we are not just so hard run for persons capable of civil employments among ourselves, as to be under the necessity of recurring to your bog-trotter.

Heaven! said the Captain, roused a little in his mind, for he was not apt to swear, has it not been yourselves, that have proposed the matter, and brought all the trouble on my head respecting it? I did, it is true, in the first instance, suggest the idea of putting him at the head of a paper; but it was without consideration; and I retracted it, both in my own judgment and in my words to you, immediately after. For though the press has been degraded, by such as he is, in that capacity, yet I was not willing to contribute to the like evil. The making him a judge came from yourselves; it was an idea that never started in my brains. It was your own burlesque, not mine.

Why should I undervalue democracy; or be thought to cast a slur upon it; I that am a democrat myself.—What proof have I given you of this; my works show my faith. It is true, I have not undervalued learning, or exclaimed against lawyers; or joined in the cry of down with the judges; but, take the tenor of my life and conversation, since the foundation of the village. I was at the first settlement of it. Did I engross lots of ground? Has there been a necessity for an agrarian law in my case? Have I speculated on the wants of men, by forestalling, or regrating? Have I made haste to be rich? That is, have I overstepped the common means of industry? Do I value myself on my fine clothing? Do I indulge in luxurious living? Is my hat off to a rich man, sooner than to the poor? Do I oppress the stranger; or rather do I not assist him, and invite him to our habitations? Who has heard me call out against foreigners; or fixing a prejudice against emigrants?

Captain, said an Irish gentleman, coming forward, and beckoning with his hand; all dis, dat you tell us, is very well. But is it a genteel ting, to trow a ridicule upon de whole Irish nation, by carrying about wid you, a bog-trotter, just as you would an alligator; or some wild cratur dat you had catched upon de mountains, to make your game of paple dat have de same brogue upon deir speech; and de same dialect upon deir tongues, as he has? By de holy faders, it is too much in a free country, not to be suffered—

Phelim, said another of the same nation, interrupting him, but a man of more sense and liberality; you are a fool, said he, Phelim; if you were my own born brother, I would say so. You are a fool; de Captain means to trow no ridicule upon de nation. Gentlemen of all countries laugh at deir own fools, and make jokes upon dem; not to show de follies of de nation, but of human nature. In Dublin, we have our jokes upon our Dermots, and our Thadys, and de devil a duel about it; nor in dis country neider; wid men dat have travelled and can give a joke, and take one, just for the sake of peace and quietness, and good fellowship, and eating and drinking, which is much better dan breaking heads wid sticks, or shivering one anoder wid bits of iron de call cutlashes; or snapping pistols for noding at all, but de humour of de ting; when I can see no humour in it bur folly, and nonsense: so hold your tongue, Phelim, and let de Captain spake; I like to hear him very well. You might as well take exceptions to Don Quixotte, because he had his Sancho, and would make him a governor; if dere was any ridicule in it, it is upon dese paple demselves, dat are so imposed upon, to make a bog-trotter a justice of de pace, or a judge; and not upon de nation of Ireland, dat have men of sense, and fools like oder nations. Commend me to de fun of de ting. I like de joke very well. De burlesque consists in comparing de high wid de low, and de low wid de high: and de dialogues, and spaches mark de characters. It is de high dat is ridiculed, and not de low; when you compare de low wid it. De books and travels will tache you dat, Phelim. Let de Captain spake widout interruptions; and tell his story. I like to hear de Captain spake very well.

Far be it from me, continued the Captain, to undervalue Ireland, or to mean disrespect to the nation. On the contrary, it was from good will to the people, that I have taken the notice of this young man that I have. Much less have I intended a reflection upon a democratic government, in the countenance I have given to the proposition of advancing him in grades and occupations. Nor is it democracy, that I have meant to expose, or reprehend, in any thing that I have said; but the errors of it: those excesses which lead to its overthrow. These excesses have shown themselves in all democratic governments; whence it is that a simple democracy has never been able to exist long. An experiment is now made in a new world, and upon better principles; that of representation and a more perfect separation, and near equipoise of the legislative, judicial, and executive powers. But the balance of the powers, is not easily preserved.—The natural tendency is to one scale. The demagogue is the first great destroyer, of the constitution, by deceiving the people. He is an aristocrat; and seeks after more power than is just.—He will never rest short of despotic rule. Have I deceived the people? Why then am I suspected of a want of patriotism, and good will to the people? Why am I charged with ridicule at their expence, who wish nothing more than to inform their understanding, and regulate their conduct?

But is it not presumption in you, Captain, to undertake this, in any shape? said a man, with a shrill voice. Is it not an insult upon the people, to suppose that they can err: or supposing it, that you can set them right?

It is too much to bear, said a third person, with a grey coat. I am for repressing all such presumption. It leads to aristocracy.

The blind lawyer got up to speak.

We will hear no lawyer, said a man with a long chin, and a pale visage.

It is the blind lawyer said a friend to the Captain.

Blind, or purblind, said the man with the pale visage, we shall hear no lawyer here. The Captain has bred a great deal of disturbance, since he returned to the village. He has opposed us in every thing that we proposed to do. No reform can be carried on, but he must have his objections, and exceptions from the nature of government. Just as if the making or keeping up a government, was a thing of mixture and composition, like a doctor's drug. As if a man must learn it, as he would to make a watch or to keep it in repair like a clock. Can there be any thing more simple than for the people just to govern themselves? What needs all this talk of checks and balances? Why keep up laws and judges, at an expense, as if the people were not competent to give laws, and to judge for themselves?

Ye need na' mind the Captain, said Duncan, coming forward, having a regard for him, and seeing him in a delicate predicament, the anger of the people kindling: ye need na' mind the Captain, said he, for he's no right in his head. He has got some kink in his intellect, that gars him conceit strange things. I was his waiter twa or three months; and I found him a wee thing cracked; and ye canna weel but find it sae, when ye tak a look at his vagaries, and imaginations. Just let him go about his business, and mind your ain affairs. It wad be a shame to fa' out wi' a man, that's no right in his head.

If that be the case, said a man with a brown wig, great allowance ought to be made. None of ourselves can tell how long our natural reason may be continued to us. To be sure he talks like a man that is not just himself.—But we did not know but that it might be a disguise to conceal his views; a masque of simplicity the better to introduce monarchy.

Gentlemen, said the Captain, there is now nothing more difficult for a man than to prove that he is not mad. For the very attempt to prove it, admits that it may be doubted; or at least that it is doubted. Besides I shall not contradict Duncan, who, I am persuaded, believes what he says. But since my services amongst you at present, do not seem to be well received, though from my heart, well intended, I will leave you for a while, and call off the bog-trotter to another ramble. Considering it as a banishment in fact, though not in name; and adopting the language of some under like circumstances, I will wish, that the village may never have occasion to remember me or my observations.

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CHAPTER XVII.

CONTAINING EXPLANATIONS.

IN my observations on the licence of the press in the early pages of this book, it may be seen that I have had in view personal, and not political stricture. The difference of these I cannot so well express as in the words of the greatest orator in the knowledge of history, Curran of Ireland. I quote him to give myself an opportunity of saying how much I admire him. It is on Finerty's trial for a libel, that the following correct sentiments are beautifully expressed.

"Having stated to you gentlemen, the great and exclusive extent of your jurisdiction, I shall beg leave to suggest to you a distinction that will strike you at first sight; and that is the distinction between public animadversions upon the character of private individuals and those which are written upon measures of government, and the persons who conduct them; the former may be called personal, and the latter political publications. No two things can be more different in their nature, nor, in the point of view in which the are to be looked on by a jury. The criminality of a merely personal libel, consists in this, that it tends to a breach of the peace; it tends to all the vindictive paroxisms of exasperated vanity; or to the deeper, and more deadly vengeance of irritated pride.—The truth is, few men see at once that they cannot be hurt so much as they think by the mere battery of a newspaper. They do not reflect, that every character has a natural station, from which it cannot be raised by the bawlings of a news-hawker. If it is wantonly aspersed, it is but for a season, and that a short one, WHEN IT EMERGES LIKE THE MOON FROM BEHIND A PASSING CLOUD TO ITS ORIGINAL BRIGHTNESS. It is right, however, that the law and that you, should hold the strictest hand over this kind of public animadversion that forces humility and innocence from their retreat into the glare of public view. That wounds and sacrifices; that destroys the cordiality and peace of domestic life; and, that, without eradicating a single vice or a single folly, plants a thousand thorns in the human heart."

————

IT will not give universal satisfaction to have introduced the name of Porcupine, or Calender. For though no man can respect these characters; yet, consciousness of having once favored them from other motives, will touch the self-love of some; as it will be said the one is dead, and the other run away, and it was not worth while, or perhaps liberal, to make use of their names even in a dramatic way; or as a character in a fable. As to Porcupine, it was said at the time, that though occasionally coarse in his language, and gross in his reflections, yet such a spirit and style of writing, was necessary to counteract the excess of democratic principles; that in fact, it did good. I doubt upon that head; or rather to the best of my judgment, it did harm to the cause which it was thought to serve. Indignation is insensibly transferred from the advocate to the cause.

It has been said, in the british Parliament, that "He deserved a statue of gold for his services rendered here." This is a great mistake. He did injury to the character of British manners and liberality. It produced something like a personal resentment against the whole nation whence such a writer came. An intemperate partizan in public or in private life, can never serve any cause.

But it was not with a view to pourtray this spectre of scurrility that the name is introduced; but because it suited to the counterpart, Polecat. I had thought of Panther; but Porcupine could be drawn from real life, and was at hand.

I will not say that before Porcupine came, and since, there has not been a portion of scurrility in some gazettes, unworthy of the press. There has been too much; but I believe the example and the fate of this monster, and his successor Calender, has greatly contributed to reform the abuse. It is a check upon an editor, to be threatened, not with a prosecution, but to be called a Porcupine, or a Calender.

It will be natural for a reader to apply in his own mind, the history of the village and its agitations, to the state where we live; and it will be asked, what ground is there for the idea, that here we talk of pulling down churches; or burning colleges. There is no ground, so far as respects churches; but it is introduced by way of illustration. What if any one should say, let us have no books, and no doctrines, but the ten commandments, the Lord's prayer, and the apostle's creed? Give us the gospel in a narrow compass, and have no more preaching about it. This would be no more than is said of the law; why cannot we have it in a pocket book, and let every man be his own lawyer? our acts of assembly fill several folio volumes; and yet these are not the one thousanth part of our Law. Why not, at least, put the Acts of Assembly in a nut shell? Ask our legislators. What else law have we but the acts of the legislative body? The law of nations forms a part of the municipal law of this state. This law is of great extent, and to be collected from many books. The common law, before the revolution, made a part of our law; and by an act of our legislature of the 28th January, 1777, it is recognized and established to be a part of our law, "and such of the statute laws of England as have heretofore been in force." This law must be collected from commentaries, and decisions. It is of an immense extent; because the relations of men, and the contracts of parties, are of an infinite variety. But how is Turkey governed? Do the mufti require such a multiplicity of rules? No, nor the cadi in Persia; because "having no law, they are a law unto themselves." There is no jury there. It must be a profession, a business of study to understand our law: we cannot therefore burn the books of law, or court-houses, any more than we can dispense with sermons and commentaries on the Bible; or pull down religious edifices.

I will not say, that people talk of burning colleges; but they do not talk much of building them up. The constitution provides, Article 7. "That the legislature shall, as soon as conveniently may be, provide by law for the establishment of schools throughout the state, in such a manner that the poor may be taught gratis."

Sec. 11. "The arts and sciences shall be promoted in one or more seminaries of learning." We do not hear of much exertion on this head; either in the legislative body, or out of doors. But what is more exceptionable; or at least unfortunate, in the opinion of literary men, and perhaps in the opinion of some that have the misfortune not to be learned, is that learning does not seem to be in repute universally. The surest means in some places, as is said, to make your way to a public function, is to declaim against learning. It would be a libel on the body politic, if a state could be the subject of a libel, to say, or to insinuate that this is general. But it is heard in some places. I do not know that it is carried so far that a candidate for an office will affect not to be able to write, but make his mark; but it is not far from it; for he will take care to have it known, that he is no scholar; that he has had no dealings with the devil in this way; that he has kept himself all his life, thank God, free from the black art of letters; that he has nothing but the plain light of nature to go by, and therefore cannot be a rogue; that as for learned men that have sold themselves to the devil, they may go to their purchaser; he will have nothing to do with old nick or his agents. This is not just the language used; but it is the spirit of it. It may be a caricature, as we distort the features to mark deformity more deformed. But the picture is not without some original of this drawing. To speak figuratively, as we say of fevers, it may be in low grounds, and about marshes, that we have the indisposition; that is, in the secluded parts of the country. But so it is that it does exist.

It is true, the savages of our frontier country, and elsewhere, dispense with the use of letters; and at a treaty, Canajohalas and other chiefs make their marks. They are able counsellors, and bloody warriors, notwithstanding. The Little Turtle defeated general St. Clair, who is a man of genius, and literary education; and yet the Little Turtle can neither read nor write, any more than a wild turkey; or a water tarapin. But let it be considered, that the deliberations of the council-house, at the Miami towns, embrace but simple objects; and a man may throw a tomhawk, that holds a pen, but very awkwardly. So that there is nothing to be inferred from this, candidly speaking. I grant, that Charlemagne, made his mark, by dipping his hand in ink, and placing it upon the parchment. It was his hand, no doubt; but it must have taken up a large portion of the vellum; and it would have saved expence, if he could have signed himself, in a smaller character. But what may pass, in an illiterate age, with an emperor, will not be so well received in a more enlightened period, and in the case of a common person.

It is not the want of learning that I consider as a defect; but the contempt of it. A man of strong mind may do without it; but he ought not to undervalue the assistance of it, in those who have but moderate parts to depend upon. It is a bad lesson to young people; who had better take a lesson from their books. At any rate, it is good to have the thing mixed; here a scholar and there an illiterate person; that the honesty of the one may correct the craft of the other.

How comes it that a lawyer, in this state, seems to be considered as a limb of Satan? There is a great prejudice against them. It would seem to me that it is carried to an extreme. An advertisement appeared some years ago in a Philadelphia newspaper of a ship just arrived with indented servants; tradesmen of all descriptions; carpenters, joiners, and sawyers. The error of the press had made it lawyers. it gave a general alarm, for the people thought we had enough of them in this country already.

But if we have lawyers at all; it is certainly an advantage to have them well educated. Were it for nothing else but the credit of the thing, I should like to see an enlightened, and liberal bar in a country. It is thought that learning makes them make long speeches. If that should be make appear; I bar learning; for I like brevity: with Shakespeare, I think it "the soul of wit."

I attribute the making long speeches, to the taking long notes. When everything is taken down, every thing must be answered, though it is not worth the answering. This draws replies long into the night; and we labour under the disadvantage of not having woolsacks to sleep upon as they have in England, while the counsel are fatiguing themselves; or at least the juries.

The prejudice against lawyers stands upon the ground with the prejudice against learning. The majority are not lawyers, or learned men. A justice of the peace is a deadly foe to a lawyer; for what the one loses, the other gets. The chancery jurisdiction of a justice is hewn out of the jurisdiction of the courts of law, and abridges the province of the lawyer. It is well if it does not edge out the trial by jury. How? This mode of trial is retained by the courts of law. But who are at the bottom of this hostility to the courts of law. I will not say the holy army of justices; though some may break a spear at it. I believe there are of them, that think their jurisdiction is sufficiently encreased: but there are others who would not object to a little more.

In China there are no courts of law or lawyers; all justices of the peace. They call them Mandarins. In capital cases, there is an appeal to the emperor. There is no jury trial there.

A limb of the law, is a good name for a lawyer; for we say a limb of Satan; and a lawyer in a free country is the next thing to it: a thorn in the flesh to buffet the people. There is freedom enough in the constitution; why need we be afraid of aristocracy in practice? Every man is brought up to the bull-ring in a court of law, be he rich or poor; but the scheriff, in Arabia, who is a justice of the peace; not like our sheriff here, though it is spelt the same, nearly, can summon no jury; at least he takes care not to do it. But the governments of those countries, are arbitrary, not free. It is an astonishing thing to me, that a free government, and the exclusion of lawyers, cannot well be reconciled.

How can the overthrow of a judiciary tribunal, affect liberty? No otherwise than as it militates against a branch of the government. Take away a branch from a tree, and the shade is reduced. What is a branch that is borne down by the rest? But suppose the judiciary branch goes; the legislative and executive remain.—There are two sprigs to the legislative branch. Which is strongest? That of the house of representatives. Is there no danger of this outgrowing the other two?—There is half a sprig in the executive. But the great sprig of the house of representatives is "the rod of Aaron that will swallow up the other rods." There is talk now of abolishing the senate. That will be talked of, unless it becomes an enregistering office. It is hoped that will never be. In this I allude not to any disposition that has yet shown itself in the house of representatives; but to what I have heard broached out of doors.

Despotism is not a self-born thing. It has its origin in first causes. These not perceptible, like the gas that produces the yellow fever. Why call out against the fever? It is the gas that is the cause. Whence sprung the emperor that now affects the French? From the mountain of the national assembly. It is the madness of the people that makes emperors. They are not always aware when they are planting serpents teeth. Reflecting men saw the emperor, in the insurrections of Paris; in the revolutionary tribunals; in the dominancy of the clubs; in the deportations to Cayenne. Whether it springs from the seed, or grows from the plant; is oviparous, or viviparous, despotism is not of a day; it is of gradual increase. Will not the people give him credit that can point out to men, where a germ of it exists.

In what is hinted at, in several pages of the preceding chapter, of hostility to laws and a disposition to overthrow establishments, and judges, I have in view, not the proceedings of a public body, but the prejudices of the people. It is talk out of doors that I respect. And this is the fountain which is to be corrected. Representatives must yield to the prejudices of their constituents even contrary to their own judgment. It is therefore into this pool that I cast my salt. It is to correct these waters that I write this book. I have been in the legislature myself, and I know how a member must yield to clamours at home. For it comes within the spirit of the principle, to obey instructions.

In the song which I have put into the mouth of O'Dell, I have nothing else in view but to give a picture of the excess of the spirit of reform. It is taken from the life; for though not in verse, yet I have heard similar sentiments expressed by the uninformed.

————

THE talk of abolishing the courts, and the judges, is a language which I put into the mouth of Tom the Tinker; yet is more general than is imagined. I am afraid it may affect ultimately the democratic interest; to which I feel myself attached; for I aver myself to be a democrat. No Perkin Warbeck, or Lambert Simnel; but a genuine Plantagenet. Hence my concern for their honor and existence, which can alone be supported by their wisdom and their justice.

Judges are impeached, and violent persons will have them broke before they are tried. But accusation and condemnation are not the same thing. It is not on every bill that is found by a grand jury that there is not a defence.

There is nothing to be collected from any hints of mine that I arraign the justice or policy of the impeachment; much less that, I wish to see it quashed, or withdrawn. I have it only in view to arraign preconceived opinions, and the forestalling the public judgment.

Sublime is that tribunal that is to judge judges. The highest judicature of the body politic. It presents an awful, but majestic spectacle. Our senators, in this capacity are the representatives of heaven. I see them seated on a mount "fast by the throne of God;" the stream of justice issuing at their right hand; full and equal in its current; crystal in its fountains, and giving vegetation to the groves and gardens on its borders: the stream of injustice at their left, bursting like a torrent of inflamed naptha, scorching and consuming all before it.

It lies with this sublime court to give its lessons of impartial justice to the subordinate judiciaries. I rejoice in this power of the constitution. I shall submit to its decisions.

————

CONCLUSION OF THESE CHAPTERS.

It occurs to me, that I shall have all the lawyers on my back; because I have said to them, as was said to the Pharisees, "Use not vain repetitions as the heathens do: for they think they shall be heard for their much speaking." By the bye the heathen with us, that is the Savages of North America, are not long speakers. They call it a talk, it is true; but it is raised above a common conversation. And they are not tedious speakers; short, clear and pithy, are the characteristics of their eloquence.

The heathen—are the Gentile nations here meant, that bordered on Judea? or does it refer to the redundance of the Greek and Roman eloquence? The loquacious Greek was proverbial. When a language becomes copious, the speakers become verbose.

But the lawyers will say, "how can we help it? The client will have talk for his money. He purchases his plantation by the acre; he sells his wheat by the bushel; or, if a shopkeeper in the city, he measures tape by the yard. Omnia deus dedit, says the Latin scholar, Numero, mensura, et pondere. He will have quantity, let what will go with the quality. For of that he is not a judge.

I admit it is difficult to get a man to understand that the cause is oftentimes won, with judgment and silence, like the game of chess. All depends upon the move. A client will say, you ought to refund me something; or take less than I promised. You had no trouble. Or he will go away, and say, lawyer M'Gonnicle took twenty dollars from me, and did not say a word.

He was six hours on his feet, says a man coming from the court. This sounds well, and it looks as if the man was a great lawyer. So that self-preservation is at the bottom of long speaking. Or is it in accommodation to false opinion.

I admit some in all this. An advocate will occasionally find himself under the necessity of saying more than is necessary, in order to save appearances, and to satisfy his client who is not like the court and jury, weary of the harangue.

But this is not the great cause of prolixity, It has a deeper root; it is a false style of eloquence that has been introduced, and is become fashionable. I have asked chief justice Shippen, if he could recollect and trace, the origin and progress of it. Is it imported, or of domestic origin? He thinks it was introduced by John Dickinson, who was an agreeable, but a lengthy speaker. At nisi prius; or at the bar in England, there was no such thing. But whether there is or not; is of no account. The thing ought not to be. Because it will lead to the loss of the jury trial.

A lawyer must say every thing that his ingenuity can suggest on the subject. The strongest reasons are not sufficient; he must bring up the weaker. After throwing bombs, he must cast jackstones.

There is more sense in the common mind than is imagined; and close thought in strong words will be understood, and a few will suffice.

The bar of this state is said to excel in legal knowledge; but certainly is behind none in liberality of practice; and delicacy in argument. In practice, no catches, or as the common people call it, snap judgments; lying in wait at the docket; making surreptitious entries, and giving trouble to get slips right. This the meanest lawyer can do. A rat can gnaw the bowstring of Philoctetes. The drawback in the opinion of foreigners, and the feelings of the people here, is the length of speeches.

I will not say that hence arises wholly the prejudice against lawyers. A prejudice against the liberal professions, exists in all countries; or they are made the subjects of invective from the occasional abuse of their privileges. "Woe unto you lawyers," is a scripture expression, and applies to the priests among the Jews who were the interpreters of the law of Moses. The physicians of all countries are said to kill people. And as to advocates they get no quarter in any country. Wits will exclaim even without ill will. Don Quevedo, a Spanish writer, in his vision of hell, tells us, that he observed a couple of men, lying on their backs asleep in a corner, with the cobwebs grown across their mouths. He was told these were porters, and had been employed in carrying in lawyers, but there had been no occasion for their services, for a century past, these cattle had come so fast of themselves, that the carriers had laid themselves up, in the interval of business to take a nap there.

As to the length of speaking, how can it be helped in advocates? Not by any act of the legislature, constitutionally, at least in criminal cases; for it is provided by the constitution that in criminal cases, the party shall be heard by himself and his counsel. But this provision was not meant to exclude the right in civil cases, which existed at the common law; but because in capital cases, in the courts of criminal jurisdiction in England, counsel was not allowed to the accused, except on law points, arising on the trial. In civil cases the legislature may change the law or modify it; but I am not able to say, what regulation by an act of the legislature might be expedient; or what practicable by the courts themselves. The safest and most easy remedy would be in the bar themselves: cultivating a style of eloquence of greater brevity, and endeavouring to be more laconic in their speeches.

They are not aware that this length of speaking has become insufferable. That resentment against the bar on that account, has been accumulating, and is now ready to overwhelm their existence. It is a great cause of that obloquy against the proceedings of the courts of justice, which is heard in this state. Delay is the effect; and delay is an obstruction of justice.

But delay is the cause of loss to the lawyer. It is a vulgar idea, but founded in mistake, that lawyers delay causes for the sake of fees. It is their interest to have speedy trials, as much as with merchants to have quick returns. It is the interest of the advocates that I endeavour to promote, in suggesting a reform in the length of pleadings. I am endeavouring, in the scouted language of some reasoners, "to save the lawyers from themselves." It is on this principle that I attempt to school them a little on the point of oratory at the bar.

Some one will say, that I but affect to treat them thus cavalierly. That is like the case of an Indian in a skirmish, of which I have heard, on the west of the Ohio, who on his party being defeated, pursued one of his own people, with his tomahawk lifted up, ready to strike, and was mistaken for a volunteer. In the heat of the affair seeing him alert, and pursuing, they thought the one before him was in good hands, and they let them both escape.

To apply the story. It may be thought that I affect to school the profession, to save it from arbitration laws, in the spirit of what has been called the adjustment bill. I am not one of those with whom it has been clear, that the adjustment bill passed into a law, would do any injury to lawyers. It might winnow off some of the chaff, but better corn would come to the mill. I have no idea that anything can hurt the profession, but the overthrow of liberty. Counsel to advise, and an advocate to speak, will be always wanted where the laws govern and not men. Rules of property and contract in civil cases, and the principles of law in matters of life, liberty, and reputation, will always call for the assistance of the head, and the powers of speech, in a republic.

My concern in the case of innovations, doubtless meant for improvements, has been that the experiment would not shew wisdom in the framers; but, on the contrary, discredit the administration by which they had been introduced; or, if tolerated, and approved, would lead to aristocracy, and despotism in the end. This by gradations insensible, as opiates unnerve the constitution. It would take a volume to trace gradatim, how, and why this would be brought about; and after all it may be a spectre of the imagination. Let the wise determine. Were I a practising lawyer, as probably I may soon be, I should apprehend little from it on the score of profit, and loss to the profession. My idea is, that eighteen months would put an end to it, and it would, by that time have sowed a pretty fruitful field of controversy, that would last many years. As to the constitution, it seems to be in vain to talk to the people about it, when it is the way of what they wish, and must have.

But hinting as has been done with regard to the exuberance of oratory at the bar, it is to be taken subject to the exception of cases which cannot be considered in a few words; either where the facts are complicated, and the evidence extensive; or where a point of law embraces an extensive scope of argument. The elucidation in some cases, must be drawn from the law of nature; the law of nations; the municipal law. Statutes; commentaries, and decisions must be examined at full length.

It is not half a day, or a day, that will suffice always, to do justice to a question. The court themselves will stand in need of the careful preparation, and the minute investigation of the counsel. The bringing forward lucidly, and arguing a matter well, is a great help to a court. It is doing for them, what they would have to do for themselves, without their assistance—The labour of the counsel is the ease of the court. Many a midnight thought is expended by the laborious lawyer, of which the court feels the benefit, in the light which he throws upon the subject of the litigation. It is the

——Rudis indigestaque moles,
of the unprepared, that wastes the most time.

It is the highest effort of a strong mind to condense. Having taken a comprehensive view of the whole horizon of the subject, the men of talents collect the principles that govern and illustrate the case. To state and press these, is the effort of the great orator. To reduce to generals, and bring forward the result.

But in order to speak short upon any subject—think long. Much reflection is the secret of all that is excellent in oratory. No man that speaks just enough, and no more, ever wearies those that hear him. And that is enough which exhausts the subject, before the patience of the auditory.

There is such a thing as alarming the patience. A speaker branches out his subject. It is all proper that this should be done in his own mind. It is necessary that he should have a system of argument, and a certain order of arrangement. But I do not approve of an explanation of this. I remember the alarm which I have felt listening to a speaker in the pulpit, when he has spread out the table of his doctrine into heads and sections. When he had done with the first, that is well, thought I. But then, there is the second head; will he be as long upon that? Now if he had said, This point of doctrine arises from the text, I would have heard it out without fore-casting in my mind that the ulterior divisions were to come yet. It is not in the language of nature to have such compartments. It is well enough in a book of didactic dissertation. For there one can lay down the volume, and amuse himself otherwise, when he is weary. The Indian in his talk has an order in his mind, and pursues it by the wampum belt, as the Catholic says his prayer by his beads. It is not the secret of persuasion, which does not steal upon the heart; and whatever the effect in matters of the judgment, may be the annunciation of method; it is unfavourable to all that interests the heart, and governs the imagination. You will see no such thing in Demosthenes or Curran. Cicero has something of it, but I always thought it a blemish. Ars est celare artem.

There is no such thing in the works of nature. Artificial gardens sometimes present that view, but these are not in the best taste.

The hills and mountains, vales, and extensive plains are dispersed with a beautiful variety. The stars of the heavens are not at marked distances. There is a concealed regularity, order and proportion in all that affects. The mind remains cold where there is nothing that surprises and comes unexpectedly upon it."

BOOK II.

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CHAPTER I.

CONTAINING A DISSERTATION IN THE MANNER OF St. EVREMONT.

THE ingratitude of a republic, has, some how, or other, come to be taken for a truth. It has come to be considered as admitted, that in a republic great services are forgotten, and there is not a permanence of reward corresponding with the acts done. Scipio amongst others, is given as an instance of this. I will examine the case of Scipio.

The first mention made of him by Livy, for I draw from authentic sources, is in his 26th book, where he states, that in that year, Publius Cornelius Scipio, to whom the cognomen of Africanus was given afterwards, was Curule Edile with Marcus Cornelius Cethegus, setting up for the office, the Edile-ship, the tribunes of the people opposed him, denying that he had a right to be a candidate, that the legitimate age had not arrived at which he had a right to set up for this office. If said he, the quirites, the Roman people chuse to make me Edile, I have years enough on my side. This was appealing from established laws, to the people, who had the power to depart from the rules they themselves had laid down. It is true, he was carried, but such premature aspiring to the honour laid the foundation of much dislike in the breasts of his superiors in age, and whose pretensions were prior from standing, and services. It is unsafe to obtrude one's self upon the public, but rather to wait until called for. In the smallest occurrences of life a mind of sensibility, will feel the indelicacy of taking place or precedence to which it is not entitled. A thinking mind not blinded by ambition, will see the imprudence of it. What is called politeness, learns to put on the appearance of this discretion; and when we are about to enter a room, it is but decency and good manners to give way to age. In setting up for an office in a community, what difference? The principle lies deep in human nature, and is the same. It is felt by age as a wrong done, when juniors push themselves forward, and make their way before their time. Even those of equal age feel resentment, and hate the successful adventurer. If they cannot shew it at the present moment, it will one day break out.

In offering himself as a general to carry on the war in Spain, there was less reason, or perhaps none at all to accuse Scipio of presumption in offering himself to succeed his father, who had fallen in that war, and in addition to this, his uncle had also fallen, which could not but stimulate him to revenge of the death of these relations; and at the same time on account of the bloody nature of that war. There was no one offering himself for the service. To season my book with a little salt of Latin, I will give the words of Livy. "Cum alii alium nominaverunt, postremo eo decursum est, ut populus proconsuli creando in Hispaniam comitia haberet; diemque comitiis consules edixerunt. Primo expectaverant, ut qui se tanto imperio dignos crederent, nomina profiterentur. Quo ut destitutae expectatio est, redintegratus luctus accepto cladis, desideriumque imperitorum amissorum. Mæsta igitur cærtas, prope inops consilii. Comitiorum die tamen in campum descendit, atque in magistratus versi circumspectant ora principum aliorum alios intuentium, fremuntque adeo perditas, desperatumque de respublica esse, ut nemo audeat in Hispaniam imperium accipere. Cum subito Publius Cornelius publii filius, quatuor ferme, et viginti annos natus, professus se petere in superiore, unde conspici posset, loco constituit."

I shall drop the Latin, lest I should be accused of pedantry in the language of persons who console themselves for their skim-surface learning, by imposing the term pedantry on all quotations of the classics, in the original language; and for good reason, because they do not understand it. But in order to introduce the farther English, I translate some part of what has gone before. It is then to this effect.

"It was deliberated who they, (the Roman people) should chuse to send as general to Spain. At first they waited until those who should think themselves worthy of so great a command, should declare themselves; and no one coming forward, on account of the bloody service, and the danger of the war, suddenly Publius Cornelius Scipio, the son of the Publius who had fallen in Spain, now near the age of 24 years, professed himself a candidate for that trust; standing on a higher ground from whence he could be seen, upon whom, when the eyes of all were turned, he was received with a shout and with favour; and a vote instantly taken, he was unanimously elected."

But, continues the historian, "Scipio was not only admirable for his real virtues, but (arte quoque quadam) of a certain cunning, or craft, from his early youth, fashioned to the ostentation of these virtues; alledging amongst the multitude, a number of things that he had seen in visions by night, or had been revealed to him from heaven, by impressions on his mind; whether it was that he himself had been affected with some degree of superstition, or that he feigned those things that his orders and counsels might be obeyed without delay as being inspired, and sent from an oracle. Moreover, from the very beginning, preparing the public mind from the time that he took up the Toga Virilis, no day passed that he undertook any public or private business, before he went into the capital, and entering into the temple, sat down, and for the most part alone, in a secret place, there, wore out a length of time. This custom of his which was preserved by him through his whole life, whether designedly or heedlessly, procured with some a faith in his being a man of divine stock; and revived the report first published respecting Alexander the Great, for vanity and fable alike, that he had been conceived from the embrace of a huge serpent, and that an appearance of that prodigy had been often seen in his mother's chamber; and that at the approach of men, it had always coiled itself up, and slipped away out of sight. Credit to these miracles were never disclaimed by himself; but rather increased by a certain art of neither denying, nor affirming any thing of this nature openly. Many other things of the same kind, some true, some pretended, exceeded the limit of human admiration in that young man; relying on which alone the state entrusted such a weight of things and such a command, to so young a person."

We see in this portraiture of Scipio the exact prototype and counterpart of some candidates for offices amongst ourselves. There is the same hypocrisy, though in a different way accommodated to the religion of the times. There is said to be more of this in the northern states, because religion there, in Connecticut especially, called the land of steady habits, is more fashionable, and the government itself is, not in constitutional appearance, but de facto a hierarchy. They tell me that no man can be elected to an office there, without the previous approbation and favour of the priest-hood. Not that I find fault with this, if I was always sure that good morals alone and sincere piety, and not compliments or gifts to the pastor, were the criterion of his predilection. In the western and southern states there is not so much to be gained by playing off the grimace of religious appearances; yet in some places, there is still something of this procuration: and what generous mind is there that will not feel a diminution of respect for such as take these means to advance themselves? What need we wonder, therefore, if at a distant day, and after he had performed great services, we find a latent ill will break out against Scipio, which had been sown at this early period, by the indignation implanted in the breasts of competitors for fame and elevation; nay, an indignation by the wise and good, at the arts by which the populace had been managed, for a private purpose and individual ambition? Why need we wonder, if at an advanced age, even though a good use had been made of this ill-gotten power; or power gotten by unfair and improper means, we should find charges against Scipio, and prosecutions founded, not in the truth of the accusations, but in the memory of the ways and means by which he had unduly acquired popularity, and the suffrages of the people.

After great success in Spain, and his return to Rome, the war being concluded, when, says the historian, men carried it in report, that, extra sortem, or out of his lot, the province of Africa was destined for Scipio, and "he, himself not content with moderate glory, said that he had been declared consul, not to carry on the war, but to finish it, which could not be otherwise done than by transporting the army into Africa, and he openly said that he would accomplish that by the people, in other words, the populace, if the senate opposed it; and when that proposition was not pleasing to the primore of the fathers, and there were others who through fear of ambition were muttering; and Quintus Fabius, being asked his opinion, spoke upon the occasion."

I will not take the trouble of translating this speech. But, for the sake of those that cannot be supposed, to understand the learned languages, nor from whom such skill ought to be expected, ladies and gentlemen not bred to a profession, and farmers and mechanics, I will give the scope of it, viz. That he was opposed to the carrying the war into Africa. Scipio, on the other hand, spoke in favour of the measure, and supported his pretensions to the command. This speech was not favourably received; but it being pretty generally made known, that if he could not carry his point with the senate, to have Africa decreed to him, he would instantly bring it before the people. Therefore Quintus Fulvius, who had been four times consul and censor, demanded of Scipio, that he would openly say in the senate whether he would leave it to the fathers to determine respecting the provinces, and would abide by their determination, or would carry it before the people. Scipio answered that he would do what was for the interest of the republic. Then said Fulvius, it was not because I did not know what you were about to answer, and what to do, that I asked you, when it was evident that it was your object rather to feel than to consult the senate; and if we did not immediately decree to you the province which you wished, you have your appeal at hand. Therefore I demand of you, tribunes of the people, continued he, that though I do not give my opinion, which notwithstanding it may be carried, the consul is not about to ratify, you will be my support. Thence a contention arose, when the consul (Scipio) denied that it was proper that the tribunes should interfere, but that every senator being asked his opinion, should give it in his place. The tribunes so decreed, that if the consul leaves it to the senate to determine concerning the provinces, it is proper to stand to that which the senate has determined, nor will we suffer it to be brought before the people. But if he does not leave it to the senate, we shall support him who shall refuse to give his opinion. Thus it was left by the tribunes to Scipio himself to say whether he would leave it to the senate. Scipio carried his point; but very far from being to the satisfaction of every one; not that they thought him unequal to the trust, but that honours were heaped upon him with too great rapidity.

This war with the Carthagenians being finished, and a general about to be chosen for that against Antiochus, whom Hannibal had stirred up against the Romans, it was with great address and management that he procured to himself the command. In fact, he could not in name, as he was not then in the consulship, and so Asia could not be decreed to him as a province. Lucius Cornelius Scipio, his brother, was one of the two consuls at the time. Caius Lælius, was the other consul, and having great interest in the senate, wished it to be left to them to designate the provinces, saying it would be a genteeler thing (elegantius) to leave it to the senate, than to be drawing lots for the choice. Lucius Scipio, having got a hint from his brother, the great Scipio, agreed to it. It was to the no small astonishment of Lælius, who was sure of being appointed to Asia, which was his choice, that Publius Africanus, as he was then called, declared that if Lælius, his brother, was chosen, he would serve under him as lieutenant.

This could not be resisted, so great was his reputation with the people for his victories over the Carthagenians and Hannibal, whom he was sent once more to encounter. But this did not fail to make Lælius his enemy, and all his connections and particular friends. Besides it was a proof of an ambition that could not be satisfied. For though Lucius had the command nominally, yet it was evident that Publius had the actual command, and it was under that idea that out of his course he had obtained. It was, in fact, an evasion of the law, and an invasion of the equal rights of the Roman nobility, all of whom were emulous of glory in their turn.

What wonder that on the return of the Scipios, notwithstanding the war had been successfully terminated, there were accusations against them. That of having embezzled the public money, or converted to their own use the treasures taken from Antiochius, was the charge that was finally fixed upon as the ground of his impeachment before the people. Not, it is to be presumed, that there was any thing in the charge, but because it was most likely to be believed, and to affect the accused.—For it is not to be inferred from their not appearing to answer the charge that they were guilty, but that seeing the prejudice against them, they despaired of a fair trial. When the day came, having prevailed so far as to get the trial put off, Publius withdrew into exile: Lucius, the younger brother, who had been the highest in command, though but nominally, pretending sickness, did not appear.

Scipio (Africanus) withdrew to Liternum, and nothing more was said about him. There he spent his life without any wish to return to the city; and when dying gave orders that he should be buried in that very place, that he should not have his funeral in his ungrateful country.

It is a pretty strong presumption against the character of Scipio, that Marcus Portius Cato, the censor, as remarkable for courage as integrity, was his enemy; and during his life, did not cease to inveigh against his ambition. Though not until the death of Scipio, did it appear what enemies he had, whose indignation, says the historian, burst out, which had been in some degree concealed before. There must have been a cause for this; and what do we find in his life, but his taking precedence of others, and grasping at command out of season and turn. This will never be borne in a republic, where the human mind has free play to show itself, and talents ought to have a fair chance for office and appointment. It is a robbery to engross as to number, or to usurp prematurely by intrigue, or those arts that take the populace; such as have recourse to these, even though they achieve great actions, have no right to complain of ingratitude from their country, when notwithstanding what they have done, the ways and means begin to be considered, by which they usurped the opportunity of doing them, to the injury of other great minds, who might have shown equal talents and accomplished the same things. It is sapping all foundation of republican equality and right to countenance this. It is very possible that a certain public character, whom I could name, would have made an abler president than Thomas Jefferson. But the presidency was not intended for him, and it was a fraud upon the electors not instantly to have disclaimed a competition. We have seen in what manner the not having done so, injured his reputation, and, in my opinion, deservedly. It has prevented him from rising to the elevation of the presidency, which I am confident in four years he would have attained. But had he attained that elevation at the time he attempted it, and performed even great services, it is not probable but that the strong indignation of those affected, would have followed him; nor would he have had good reason to complain of the ingratitude of his country, if they had ultimately wrought him a mischief.

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CHAPTER II.

THE Captain being obliged to leave the village, was now about to renew his travels; not, as heretofore, on a voluntary excursion, but in the capacity of an exile. He was accompanied as usual, by the bog-trotter; and with several others of the village who were willing to share his fortunes in some new establishment. Amongst these were the blind lawyer and fiddler; Clonmel the ballad singer; the latin schoolmaster; O'Fin, an Irishman; Tom the Tinker, and others; the Captain mounted: the rest on foot. A blind mare, with a pack-saddle, served to carry their provisions. This was the whole caravan which was about to set out for the new settlement.

After two days traveling, they came to a town, where judges and lawyers continued yet to be tolerated. Nevertheless a judge, just before, had been driven from the bench, owing to a fracas that had happened on the bench itself, with a brother judge, and which took its rise from a difference relative to idiom, and dialect of language. The one was a Scotch gentleman, and spoke with the Saxon pronunciation; which is still that of the north of England, and the south of Scotland. The other was a native of France, and had acquired the English language after his arrival in this country, some years before. The Scotch judge found fault with the gallicisms of his French associate, and said he did na' like the accent, and that it was an error to bring it on the bench. That it did na' behoove (the French judge) to open his mouth to give a charge, especially to a grand jury, wi' sic' a dialec' upon his gab. The French judge seemed to think that his gallicisms were as good as the other's patois, or scoticisms; and observed that the French language had a footing in the courts, and was even the language of the law itself, at a very early period. A great part of the law of the tenure of real property, came from the Normans, who were French; that England became almost a French country under William the conqueror; that the terms de la loi, or law phrases, are vestiges of French to this day. C'est sui que use: in pleadings, ne unque accouple en loyal matremonie; antre fouis acquit, tout tems prit, and many others. Are there any vestiges of broad Scotch in the law books?

Aye, quo' the Scotch judge, the law was Saxon before it was French, and it is time that it should come back to the Saxon again. Ye sha' na' deliver a charge on this bench, unless ye adap' your language to the state of society and speak plain English, or Saxon; for they are a' the same thing; and ha' the same privilege in a' courts of justice.

The French judge began to address the jury; when the Scotch judge interrupted, and called a constable to take him down frae the bench.

The French judge being a choleric man, laid hold of him by the waistband of the breeches, and the nape of the neck, and whirled him with a contortion of the body from the seat of justice, amongst the lawyers of the bar. His body having a rotary motion, and his legs diverging like the spokes of a wheel, his heels flew round, and one of them hit the clerk on the nose, and a barrister above the brow; and caused great disturbance, to the fear and terror of the suitors, and other good citizens of the commonwealth. The result was, that the Scotch judge had to leave the bench altogether, and go to the bar. The French judge in the mean time had been sent to Congress. Hence it was, that a vacancy existed in the place of judge; or rather two vacancies; but the main difficulty was to get a chief justice; or president. The Captain made mention of the blind lawyer, whom he had in company; but they were unwilling to have a blind man. They wished to have a perfect judge; or one at least in possession of all his outward senses. He then proposed the bog-trotter; stating that he had been in request for that promotion, before they had set out from the midland country.

The offer was accepted, and Teague was made a judge, and took his seat upon the bench.

The Captain had determined with himself, that he would oppose the advancement of the Teague O'Regan no more, having got so much ill-will by it. Nevertheless, he thought it not amiss to put him under the care of the blind lawyer, or for some time to give him instructions for the office, which at least could do him no harm, if it did no good. Accordingly, the lawyer took him in tow, and began, as follows.

Teague, said he, you are arrived to honour and emolument, which some of your betters have deserved, and could not obtain. However, "time and chance happeneth to all men." You are now on the seat of justice; and it remains for you, if possible, to qualify yourself for it. For I take it, you are yet to begin to obtain the requisites for the discharge of that trust. Now I have no idea that you can acquire legal knowledge. That is out of the question. Nor do I think it possible that you can ever attain the first elements of jurisprudence. But this is not absolutely necessary upon the bench, more than at the bar. I have known a judge upon a bench, whom I would not trust with the value of a hob nail, in a case of mine. It would be a substitute for sense if you could cite cases. But you have not even cases to cite, and call authorities. You must therefore begin a peg lower, and content yourself with the saving appearances, merely personal. Your gait must be steady; your demeanour slow; gravity is a great cover for stupidity; stupidity indeed supplies the place, and in most cases, gives gravity. But still it is to be cultivated. You must wear spectacles, to make people think you can read. If you do not take notes; yet seem to take them; for it is the fashion of the time, to be a great note taker. At least talk of your notes; that will pass for taking them. The Areopagi took no notes; for they sat in the night, and had no candle light. And justice herself is said to be blind, and can take no notes. But note taking is now the main part of the qualification of a judge; so that if you do not take notes, you must seem to take them. I myself, had I been appointed a judge, would have had to scratch a little. My fiddler might have been a good assistant to me for note taking, had he not been blind too; for having the use of his elbow on the fiddle, he could scratch notes with great rapidity, could he write; but that he could not do, nor read either. So that I should have been as much at a loss as you in this particular. But it would not be impossible for you, as you have your eye sight, to learn to write Abracadabra, Tantarara, and pass them for notes. However, if you cannot acquire all excellencies, you can avoid some defects. You can give attention, and seem to understand what is said in argument, though, it be impossible that you should understand a syllable. It is a great indelicacy in a gentleman to refuse his ear, or to shew himself inattentive in private conversation. But in a judge it is intolerable, when you are to decide upon a point which is argued with much earnestness at the bar, and where the counsel expect at least that you will hear them, even if you should not decide in their favour. For when they are heard, and are satisfied that they are understood, they are disposed to be content. But it is an error of which I hope you will not be capable, to interrupt the argument by matters of your own concern. As for instance, when an advocate is at the pinching point of his reasoning, to call out for the crier to bring you something. You will see the advocate in such a case, turn and writhe himself, and shew, in his countenance, the irritation that he feels. But he is obliged to resume his oratory, and go on, saying your honour, and he would rather say, "cannot you take the advantage of a pause to call for what you want." It is mentioned of Lord Camden, that he was in all respects, the most correct of men in his treatment of the bar, save that he would sometimes, in the middle of an argument, stoop down to garter up his stockings.

It is dangerous in a judge to attempt wit, especially if he has none. There are few that have the talent; and it is not every one that knows that he has it not. It will be your best way to attempt nothing of the kind; but preserve gravity, and an imposing air of austerity. For as far as I can learn from the Captain, you are not happy at a bon mot.

But you must be careful of your mind itself, that it be not rendered vain by being called your honour. If the bar discover that you are weak on this head, they will plaister you with "your honour; your honour and your honour." They will be careful also to say, the "learned judge," and this the more unlearned they think you are. And especially when they mean to impose upon you sophism for argument, and false construction for solid deduction, and conclusion. The "learned judge upon the bench;" when at the same time they will be at a loss to say, whether they think you or the bench you sit upon, the most destitute of sense and understanding.

A man that has been behind the scene knows the vanity of all this, and how much must pass for nothing of all that apparent deference which is paid to the understanding of a judge. For the counsel of delicacy, and refined manners, will pay this respect to the office, on a principle of good breeding, and what becomes the profession; others will do the same thing, and, perhaps overdo it, from motives of prudence, and to gain a point with the court. There is trick in all trades, and there is craft, in the craft, if I may use a pun on this occasion.

But you have never been behind the scene; and have no experience of this play upon travellers; and managing the weaknesses of man. You are but a young judge, and likely to be lifted up with vanity, from your sudden elevation. Because you sit a little higher than the bar, and the suitors; for the bench is usually raised a little, you associate your situation with yourself; thence comes arrogance, and insult.

"Man, vain man, drest in a little brief authority."

But it will be necessary that you maintain order, and support authority; because otherwise, the bar will become a bear garden, and intolerable to the practitioner. Rudeness must be repressed, and petulance overawed. Interruption and bluster cannot be endured. Rules of priority as to the right of motion, and order of speaking, must be enforced. In questioning, or cross questioning a witness, the modest and observant advocate must be permitted to proceed without disturbance. All these things, your own good sense, if you have any sense, good, or bad, must teach you to consider, and apply.

By my showl, said the bog-trotter, but I will take de poker to dem, and give dem over de nose wid a shilelah, if dey make any spaches out of deir turn, in my hearing. It were better for dem dey were diging turf in Laugh-Swilly. Dey shall interrupt no good paple in my presence.

That will not do, said the blind Lawyer; you must call a constable; and commit for misbehaviour. It will be descending from your dignity to take a cow-skin, or cudgel in your hand; nor does the law warrant it. "All things must be done decently, and in order." You can lay your hands upon no man yourself. It must be by your officers, that you execute the laws. The sheriff is at hand, the coroner with his rod; or the constable with his staff. These are the ministers of the law in your hands to keep the peace. You can act only by warrant of authority, or what is called a precept.

The bog-trotter thought it hard, that he could not take a staff from the constable, and preserve the peace himself. But he was disposed to submit to the restriction since it seemed to be the practice of the court. He enquired, however, whether it might not be allowable to take a batabuoy to de officer, or sharvant of de court, if he did his duty slowly, so as to break de patience of de lawyers, and, be waiting for him.

As to this, the Lawyer gave him the proper information, and here "endeth the first lesson."

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OBSERVATIONS.

IT may seem to shock all credibility, that Teague should have a seat upon the bench.

"Ficta, voluptatis causa, sint proxima veris."

This is a maxim of the critic, and founded in the principles of human nature. For a just taste does not relish what is incredible. But why should it be thought incredible, that Teague should be a judge? Or why distrust his capacity since he had a commission? On the death of attorney Noy, the author of the maxims, we have the following anecdote. Dining with the Chancellor, it was lamented by some, that such a loss had happened: what will the king do for an Attorney General?

When the company were gone, said the valet to the Chancellor: why need you be at a loss for an Attorney General? I will be Attorney General.

You Attorney General! Are you fit for an Attorney General?

Let the king give me a commission, said the valet, and I will see who will dare to say, that I am not fit for it.

There is certainly a great deal in a commission, and the possession of power. I was early struck with this, in seeing the respect paid to the opinion of a man made a justice of the peace, when none had been paid before; and yet the commission had but very little increased his law knowledge; or, in fact, had left it just where it was; some degrees below zero.

It may be thought, that I mean to undervalue in a judge, the faculty of taking notes. On this head I will explain myself. Certain it is, that the taking notes, detracts from the exercise of memory; but much more from the exercise of understanding. The mind is divided, and the act of putting upon paper, detracts something from the operation of putting in the head. The mechanical and intellectual are at variance, and in some degree, however imperceptible, destroy each other. The revolution, and composition of forces, produce a line in a diagonal direction. It is impossible that the man who writes, can more than half think. All those relations and combinations of ideas that present themselves, and are managed by him at his ease when he gives his whole mind, are lost in part, or have not justice done them, when they are to be recovered, and adjusted from the partial hints that can, in the mean time, be thrown upon paper. A note taker, and a thinker, on the bench might be of use. The thinker to look over the notes, and assist himself afterwards. The note taker not to think at all; but to mind his pen. At the bar, it was my way, to take in a writer where I had the command of the cause; but it was understood between us, that he was to confine himself to his province for the time being, and neither speak, nor think.

In the history of ancient oratory, tribunitial, or judicial, do we meet with any thing on note taking? In Cicero de Oratore, have we any thing? Has Quintilian a chapter on the subject? No man can be an orator that dissipates his mind with taking notes. It is a qualification at the bar, or on the bench, extremely subordinate.

Nevertheless, I do not mean to exclude it altogether. A skeleton of the cause must be preserved, for the sake of a reserved point, a motion for a new trial; or in arrest of judgment. It is that full body of evidence, to which I object. If it is in paper, it wastes the time of the country to copy, and if oral, it turns the judge into a mechanic to take down. It is not necessary for the purposes of justice, to have all that comes out in a cause put upon paper. There is seldom more than a single particular in the testimony of a witness that affects the cause. It is the height of ability to select and take this down. The late chief justice, the governor, had this talent. I have heard the present Chief Justice speak of it with admiration. The present Chief Justice (Shippen) himself possesses it in a high degree. Perhaps hits the medium perfectly.

It is in the case of jury trial, that my exception chiefly lies to length of note taking, when the examination of a witness is delayed until the judge, or the counsel takes down; and the mind of the judge carried off from the hearing of the evidence, is not so well prepared to give his charge, which ought to consist of the resulting points of the controversy, and not a summing up of the evidence, for that is supposed to have been done by the counsel, or by the jury in their own minds. But a man that is writing all the time the council are speaking, can but half think. But these strictures must be taken "with a grain of salt;" and it is not to be supposed that I would dispense with note taking altogether in the case, especially of the presiding judge. On a motion for new trial, some detail of the case is necessary for those who have not tried the cause.

On an argument upon a law point, where the decision is not immediately to be made, and the notes are taken for the purpose of examination of the books, it is immaterial of what length, because the counsel are not stopped by the impediment of clerk-ship.

After all, as I am not in the habit of taking notes much myself, and do not like it, and resting a great deal upon felicity of memory, the result of trusting to it, I thought it well enough to argue my own cause, and to see what could be said on behalf of my own way, in this particular, whether it be a defect, or an excellence.

I had forgot to mention, in its proper place, that though the people objected to the taking the blind lawyer for a judge, yet they agreed that he might be a clerk, and associate the blind fiddler for his deputy. This arrangement being made, the Captain was disembarrassed of this part of the trumpery he had with him, and which encumbered the caravan.

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CHAPTER III.

THE settlement in which they now were, was called the back settlement; not because it was farthest back; but because it had been once the frontier. The name back, still continued to be tacked to it; now when it had become the midland country.

The inhabitants of this country had become wits, and improved in manners, from society and intercourse. The females dressed better because they could afford it, than they had done years before. Their buildings were of stone, or brick, or of sawed timber, framed, instead of round or squared logs, laid upon each other, as was the mode at an early period. Nevertheless there was still a defect of judgment in the construction of their houses, for the summer, as well as the winter seasons.—They were placed, in most cases, as they ought to be, fronting the south; but without perforations, or a passage for the air, by means of windows from the west to the east. On the contrary, many of them had what they called wings; and these placed at the east and west end. The entries were small, and the kitchen placed in a wing, or at the east or west end of the house. Yet, a little thinking on original principle, would say, that it ought to be at the north east of the building, to oppose the storm which comes from that quarter, in the winter; and because in the summer, it obstructs no breeze in that direction. But it is not lawyers or judges only that are enslaved by precedent.

They take care also, to build in a valley, because it is near a spring head. But in the winter the court yard is muddy; and in the summer they want air.

As they proceeded, the Quo'-he settlement lay upon the left. This settlement takes its name from the Quo'-hees, a nation of Indians that inhabited the country at the first discovery of this part of America. The Munsees, and Shawnees, have a like termination in the sound of their names, and these are now the remains of nations that inhabit the countries on Lake Erie and the Ohio river.

Some fanciful writers, nevertheless, attempt to give a derivation from another source; and think, that as this settlement is peopled, chiefly with what is called the Scotch-Irish, so the name is derived from a phrase amongst them very common in their familiar discourse; quo' he, quo' she, and quo' they, &c. Quo', they suppose to be an abbreviation of quoth; that is, said he, said she, &c.

Butler, in his Hudibras, uses the word quoth, in this sense,

Quoth he, there is one Sydrophel,
Whom I have cudgell'd——

Of this they boast, as a classical authority in their favour.—And, doubtless, this etymology is strengthened by the names of the rivers in this country, such as the Susquehanna, which is a compound of sauce quo' Hannah; the name of a girl calling out for sauce to her meat; and also from the Skuylkill, from skull and kill. For what kills a man sooner than knocking him on the head? But there is great uncertainty in etymology, in deducing the origin of nations. Abarbanel in his Jewish antiquities, fully evinces this. Also Spinazoli, in his Asiatic researches, and others. But this is just as plausible, and nothing more, with the hypothesis of some who conjecture that the Allegheny mountains took their name from an English woman of the name of Alley; as we say Alley Croker in the ballad.—That the Chesapeake was so called from a Welchman, who made use of cheese instead of an anchor; so that instead of saying the anchor is a-peake, said the cheese is a-peake; and so fixed a nick name on the bay. There are some local names of subordinate rivers and smaller streams in this particular part of the country, that strengthens these conjectures. Aughwic, is allied to Aughrim, which is a place in Ireland. We have heard of the break of Aughrim, a place where the Protestants were defeated. Macintanga, Macanoy, is evidently Scotch, from the initial Mac, which signifies son, in the Erse. Juniata is a compound of English and Irish. Johnny is English; but ata or atoy is Hibernian. I knew one Dennis A'Toy, that used to mow for my father when I was a lad.

Nevertheless, I incline to their reasonings, who think that quo'-he is an Indian word, and of aboriginal derivation.

On the right hand route of the caravan, lay the Fooley settlement. Etymologists and antiquarians are here at war also.

African travellers tell us of the Foola country in the neighbourhood of the Mitomba, or Sierra Leone river. Winterbottom and Walls, late travellers, give a particular description of it. The natives distinguish the year by moons. There is the sweep-brush moon; from the wind that blows; shun path moon, from the heat; the shakoo, or harvest moon. The time of day is distinguished by the "sun going into the water," that is evening; "the sun in the bush," that is night; &c. Their epochs are a town burnt, or settlement destroyed.

The Burree, or palaver house, is the seat of justice, where all causes, civil or criminal, are decided. The test of innocence is the drinking red water without occasioning a qualm to the stomach. A hot iron applied to the posteriors is also a test. If the culprit does not grunt he is safe.

The Mandingo country lies north of this, and signifies book-man, because here they read the alcoran, and have schools. In the Foola country, they have no schools, and cannot read.

Now there are authors, who derive Fooley from Foola; and think that this settlement must have been peopled by a colony of Africans, and hence derive the name. It is true they have seats of justice, and palaver houses, where the lawyers plead. Jury trials are in use; and in this mode of administering justice it is not the accused that is tortured, but the judges; that is the jury. This is not by drinking red water, which is a composition of the bark of trees of an emetic quality; but by drinking nothing at all, or eating either, until twelve of them are all of one opinion; which, to render more difficult, the palaverers, the lawyers, are allowed to address them a whole day, or longer, previously on different sides of the question or fact, so as to "perplex and dash their councils."—There are what are called judges also, who preside, and these are allowed also to give different opinions on the case. The jurors being puzzled are ordered off under the care of a constable, with a staff like a weaver's beam, and he is to keep them together without meat or drink, unless with leave of the court, and without speaking to any one until they are agreed.

Notwithstanding this consimilarity in the manners, and the resemblance in the sound, or speaking of the word Fooley, with that of Foola, I cannot immediately accede to the idea that the inhabitants came from Africa. Because there is no tincture of the African complexion. There are negroes and mulattoes amongst them it is true; but the bulk of the inhabitants are of a clear red and white. I take it that the word Fooley, is derived from the word fool, which signifies devoid of sense, and was applyed to them, being originally a weak people; and still continuing to exhibit marks of simplicity bordering upon folly. Their credulity is amazing, and they are the constant bubble of candidates for office. They do not sell themselves as the Foolas; but they sell their votes; or rather give them away at elections, for whiskey, or deceiving speeches, replete with the words liberty and the rights of man.

In the course of this day's journey, at the crossing of the roads, the caravan fell in with a company of electioneerers, who were coming from the Fooley settlement, and had a number along, taking them to the election ground, not far distant. They were slapping them upon the shoulder; clapping them upon the back; and saying come along my brave fellow; give us your vote. How are the old people at home? How came you to get that handsome girl for a wife? Is your crop good this year? Come take a dram of this whiskey. How is it that you do not set up for an office, and not be lying at home in the ashes, supping cider, while we are obliged to go to the legislature, and to fill offices, and keep you at your ease doing nothing? You must take your turn next year. This will never do. Fair play is bonny play. It is too much to be always on duty. But somebody must stand forward, or the people will be run down by the lawyers, and the courts of justice. Come give us a vote.

The Fooleys were all smiling and in good humour.—Not so in the Foola country on the Sierra Leone river, where the inhabitants are sold or bought. It is with great reluctance that they go into service; and some tender scenes take place at the parting of parents and children. It is there called slavery. Here it is called supporting liberty, though it is sometimes sapping it, by putting folly into public trust.

The Foolas on the Sierra Leone, are spoken of by some travellers, as cannibals; but I do not find an agreement upon this head; and the supposition arises, I would presume, from the purra, or state inquisition which is amongst them, when the bandoo woman denounces a culprit. The purra then, who are state officers, take off the culprit, and he must drink red water, or be subject to hot irons. If he shrinks in the experiment, he is carried away, and never more heard of. But this affords no conclusive evidence that they eat him; any more than amongst the Foolas in this settlement, who have been represented by some as cannibals, and devouring one another, because in their kuriouks, or churches, they are frequently denounced by their priests as back biters.—This means slanderers, and not that they feed upon the haunches of men like venison. Such are the mistakes of superficial observers, and credulous travellers; whose accounts writers copy, and publish as facts, frequently without due examination.

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CHAPTER IV.

CONTAINING REFLECTIONS.

IT is an epoch in the life of man when he puts on breeches. The heart of the mother is glad when she sees her son run about in pantaloons. A second era is the going to school. She bids him be a good boy, and learn his book. It is the father's business more especially, or at least the father has then more to do with him, when he puts him to the plough, or to a trade, or a profession. He gives him lessons and instructions of industry, and morals.

But when he comes to be his own man, at the age of twenty-one; and has a right to vote at an election, what a change does his situation undergo! What a right devolves upon him! I may say a trust for the under age, and for posterity. What honour attaches to his right! What delicacy ought to be used in the exercise of it.

In the age of ancient chivalry, when the youth had come to manhood, and was made a knight, it was with matter of ceremony, and his equipment was by the hand of a fair lady buckling on his armour; and inspiring him by her charms and her sentiments, with heroic sense of honour, and the scorn of all that is false or mean. The chevalier of that day was a conservator of the peace.—His prowess was instead of laws. Now the vote of the citizen takes place of the sword of the adventurer. This is at the bottom of all order and subordination. Shall the knight of the golden cross be free from stain in his atchievements; and shall a republican, prostitute his vote, or dishonour his standing in society, by bestowing it on the unworthy? Shall he give away his suffrage for a fair word, for a dram of liquor, "for a mess of pottage?" It is his birthright. Shall he give his vote but on the principle of conscience and of honour? Shall he decline his duty to present himself at the election? How does he know but that upon his vote may depend the duration of the republic? Who can tell with what particle of air a pestilence begins? And whether it is from a quiescence of that particle that a stagnation of the atmosphere ensues, or from its activity, by gas from the earth, that a hurricane is produced. A vote given wrong, or withheld, may occasion ultimately a convulsion in the commonwealth.

But truth, artifice, fraud, meditated fraud in this noblest of functions, the all of sovereignty, in a vote, how disgraceful, how criminal! And yet it is not always, or every where that disgrace begins to be attached to this the most flagitious of all knavery. If these strictures, shall have the effect to cultivate a sense of honour in our candidates and in our voters, it will be worth while to have written the book.

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CHAPTER V.

THEY were now entering the Lack-learning settlement, where a great uproar had been made on account of their coming. It had been given out that the company consisted of scholars and lawyers. This, either from mistake, or the design of wags, who liked to see misconception, even though it occasioned mischief. A multitude had got together, with sticks and stones, to obstruct the march into their country.

It was at the opening of a defile they were met, and could proceed no farther. The captain himself advanced with a flag, and with great difficulty obtained a parley, and a conference. Friends, and countrymen, said he, what do you mean? There are no scholars amongst us, save a latin schoolmaster, who has left off the business, and is going to become an honest man, in a new country. We have no lawyers: not a soul that has ever been in a court, unless indeed as culprits, and to be tried for misdemeanours; and that, I take it, is not likely to give them a strong prejudice in favour of the administration of justice. Here is Tom the Tinker; Will Watlin; Harum Scarum, the duelist; O'Fin, the Irishman, and several others, that have no predilection for scholarship. It will be but little learning they will introduce among you.—There is Clonmel, the ballad singer; he can sing, and make a ballad, that is, a song for a ballad; but that is but a small matter.

After all, what harm could learning do you, provided that you did not learn yourselves? The bears and the foxes of these woods do not learn; but they do not hinder men to read books. They have no objections to schools or colleges, or courts of justice; because it does not prevent them running into holes, or climbing upon trees.—The racoons, and the squirrels can crack nuts, maugre all our education and refinement. "Every man in his humour," is the title of one of Ben Johnston's comedies. If you do not find your account, or your amusement in literary studies, what matters it if others do? Learning is not a thing that will grow upon you all at once. It is a generous enemy; like a rattle-snake, it gives warning.—The boy feels the birch on his backside, to make him learned. The man gets a headache, poring over books. In fact, it requires some resolution, and much perseverance, to become learned. I acknowledge that men were at first like the beasts of the wood, and the fowls of the air, without grammars or dictionaries; and it took a great deal to bring them out of that state, and give them what is called education. At the revival of lettes in Europe, after the dark ages, it was thought a great matter to get to be a scholar. Peculiar privileges were attached.—Hence what is called "the benefit of clergy."

The clergy, said an honest German. The clergy are the biggest rogues of the two. An honest Sherman minister widout larning, ish better. But the lawyers are de tyvil; mit deir pooks, and deir talks in the courts; and sheats people for the mony. I sticks to de blantashun, and makes my fence. Larning ish goot for noting; but to make men rogues. It ish all a contrivance to sheat people.

The demagogue amongst the multitude, who had excited this opposition to learning and the learned, was a shrewd fellow, and it was not that he was not sensible of the advantages of learning, but because he was a sciolist himself, and did not wish to lose his influence by the competition of a lawyer, or a scholar, that he had excited this prejudice. But discovering, that amongst this company, as the captain said, and which he could guess from the manners, and the countenance, there were no literati; or what the French call Scavans, coming forward to take a degree of the meridian, or explore antiquities; much less a corps of lawyers to establish codes of jurisprudence, or introduce litigation, he explained the matter to those around him, and reconciled them to the proposition of suffering them to pass through the country.

The captain expressed his sense of his courtesy, and opportune assistance, towards the object of their progression; and making him a present of a box of jews-harps for the young people, proceeded without farther molestation.

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OBSERVATIONS.

THE demagogue of all times, and countries, uses the same arts. The laws are a standing butt of his invective. He cannot be a sage or a legislator; and therefore must find fault with those that are. The Athenian Cleon, in his harangues, as given by Thucydides, is a perfect model of a demagogue. I have not the book by me, or I would copy one to give a specimen of his art. The oppression of the laws, and the inequality of justice to the poor, are the usual themes of his declamation. But where there are laws, there will be science; and science is the support of laws. Hence the hostility against these, at the same time.

But the passion of the time changes, like the fashions of dress. It is just the same principle that introduces the square toe in the place of the sharp, that also makes it the rage to be a scholar; or to be illiterate. But the change in the one case is not so much felt, as in the other. It is not attended with such extensive consequences. "Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh." This is the language of a man that had been a great scholar, and writer; because in his experience it had not given perfect happiness, as nothing will, he speaks in these terms. It is not meant to be taken precisely as spoken; and is no more than an expression of the inanity of the noblest of all enjoyments; the mental gratification, of making or reading a book.

I therefore think the Lack-learning people had been misled in their prejudice against a literary education. At least, it is my simple way of thinking, and I may be wrong. Admitting this, I shall go on with my story.

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CHAPTER VI.

PROVISIONS had begun to fail; and though they had a fire-arm or two in company, with a little ammunition, yet they were not the best marks-men, and nothing had presented itself, in these woods to take down and barbecue. Harum Scarum, was the commissary; but he could devise no ways and means of supplying food, unless by sending a challenge to the game, and calling them out to a duel, where they might be shot at pleasure.

It was thought absurd to suppose that deer or buffaloe, or even a wild cat, or opposum, would stand upon a point of honour, and come out of the woods at a card, in the manner of men, piqued upon their courage.

Why not? said Harum Scarum, do not men come and stand up to be shot at, like a post without stirring? Have not men more sense than beasts? at least they have more learning, and boast of their education. I can bring a fellow out to me almost at a wink; and shall I be at loss with a brute beast, who has not half the prudence, though it may have the same self-love, and principle of preservation?

You may try it, said the Captain. I shall wonder a little if the event "corresponds with the intention."

Harum Scarum, having made out his challenge, made choice of Will Watlin for his second, to bear the cards, and disperse them in the forest.

No answer came, and no bear or panther appeared, or came upon the ground.

The next thing was to post them; which he did, and put up billets upon trees. They were to this effect.

"Take notice, that I Harum Scarum, gentleman, do hereby post and publish the beasts of these woods, to be scoundrels, liars, and cowards, of which let all men take notice; that no man of honour may keep company with them, but consider them as paltroons and rascals."

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THIS was what is called the mad-cap settlement; the inhabitants being of an irritable disposition, and apt to take offence. Accordingly seeing those upon trees, as they were looking for their cattle in the woods, they were highly vexed, and put into great passion. Sundry of them had fallen in stragglers of the company, gathering root and berries, or looking for a shot, and had come to high words, under a mutual misunderstanding of the circumstance which gave offence. Collecting a large party at a pass, the mad-caps had come forward, and determined to give battle. The captain saw the necessity of some active measures on his part, and collecting his men, began to form. He had with him the player on the bag-pipes, and Tom the Tinker, who turned a piece of tin that he had into a kettle drum, and beat on it the rogues march, which was the only point of war that he could beat. Will Watlin had a saplin of hickory, and O'Fin had his flail, which he brought along with him, not knowing but he might get a job of threshing by the way.

He had now got a job, it is true; but not of the same kind that he meant, wheat at six-pence a bushel, but people's brains to beat out, or their bones to break; a thing as unprofitable as it is unlawful. The Captain being a military man, was thinking of the science, and manœuvres put in practice by the ancients, by which they had gained battles. He was at a loss whether to advance in single column, untill within a certain distance and then halt with the head, while the rear wheeled round, and struck like a serpent with its tail, in the manner Epaminondas gained the battle of Leuctra. Or whether he should imitate Hannibal at—I forget at what battle, with the Romans; and oppose a semicircle, with a convex to the enemy; and which yielding in the center changed to a crescent, and received the adversary in its horns, which encompassing the flanks, cut them to pieces. He was debating with himself whether he should advance to a certain height; or rely upon an ambuscade among the bushes in the plain, when, in the mean time, Clonmel the ballad singer, struck up a song in the center, and the mad-caps began to listen; and though they had as many arms as a learned lawyer puts in his declaration: "swords, staves, and knives," they dropped them all, and seemed to return to good humour.

The song of Clonmel was as follows.

What use is in fighting, and gouging, and biting,
Far better to let it alone;
For kicking, and cuffing, and boxing and buffing,
It makes the flesh ache, and the bone.

But give me the whiskey, it makes one so friskey,
But beating, and brusing makes sore;
Come shake hands my cronies, come near, my dear honies,
And think of your grudges no more.

We are a set of poor fellows, just escap'd from the gallows,
And hunting a wolf or a bear.
And what with a tail on, except the camelion,
Can live upon fog, or the air?

Some venison haunches, to fill up our paunches,
Come see if you cannot produce,
A barbecued pig; a nice mutton leg,
Or turkey, or bit of a goose.

We have store of good liquor; so bring something quicker;
And club your potatoes and yams.
We'll make a great feast, and turn all to jest;
So away with your frowns and your damns.

There is nothing like love, which comes from above,
And tickles the youngsters below.
It is vain man's own fault, that he so brews his malt,
As ever to cry out heigh-ho!

Alexander and Cæsar, and Nebuchadnezzar,
Found out to their cost this was true;
Now who will be fools, to drink at the pools,
Of ambition, and war, we or you?

The mad-caps were settled like a hive of bees, and coming forward, began to gather in a cluster round the ballad singer. Some took him by the hand, others asked for the keg of whiskey, and in a short time amity was established, and they were all as well acquainted, as if they had been together seven years. Several of them knew Tom the Tinker, having served under him, in the western insurrection, in the year 1794. Store of provisions were in a short time brought in, and forage for the Captain's horse and the blind mare. Having refreshed themselves with the rest, a day or two, maintaining still a good understanding with the mad-caps, and mixing occasionally with hunting parties that shot squirrels, and racoons, who declined to accept challenges, and fight upon equal terms, they began to think of the object of their emigration. Orders were given to put the troops in motion; and taking up the line of march, the cavalry in front, they set out and passing through the mad-cap country, no interruption happened, until they began to enter that of the democrats.

This is a settlement contiguous to the mad-caps. The inhabitants are a very happy people, no demagogues having yet arisen among them, to propel to licentiousness, as for instance, to propose agrarian laws or an equality of goods and chattles; or to excite them to contention amongst themselves, or to war with foreign powers, in order that they may show their oratory, attain power, and become something in the state. Such had not yet begun to call out against laws, and the administration of justice; sciolists and young persons, too indolent to acquire solid knowledge, declaiming against rules, the policy of which they do not comprehend; affecting to discuss points in their lucubrations, of elementary jurisprudence, as to form or substance of which, they are as incapable as half a tradesman at any other profession, could be of pointing out the excellencies or defects of an improvement on the tools, or machines in use. It takes a great general to improve tactic; not a half year soldier just taken from a drill-serjeant. Yet such are the most presumptuous, and never are convinced of their incapacity, until the experiment forms the rejection. But in the mean time, the democratic character is levelled, and incurs the imputation of being unfit for government.

The state of democracy much resembled that of the Achæan commonwealth; not so much in the form of the constitution, as the principles of government, and the virtues of the people. I shall take the description of it from Polybius: It is contained in the eulogium which he makes, in the course of his history upon this people.

"From whence then, has it happened," says he, "that, not the people of those countries only, but all the rest of the inhabitants of Peloponesus, are so well pleased to receive, not only their laws, and form of government, but their very names also, from the Achæans? In my judgment, the cause is, nothing else, than equality, and liberty, in a word, that democratical species of government, which, is found more just and perfect in its kind, among the Achæans, than, in any other state. This republic, was at first composed of a small part only, of the inhabitant of Peloponesus; who voluntarily associated themselves into one body; but, a greater number soon joined themselves to them, induced to it by persuasion, and the manifest advantage of such a union. And, some, as opportunities arose, were forced into the confederacy. But they were satisfied with the violence, by which they had been compelled to embrace so excellent a form of government. For the new citizens were suffered to enjoy all the rights and privileges that were permitted to the old. Every thing was equal among them all.

"Thus employing the means that were of all things, the most effectual for their purpose, equity and gentleness, they soon arrived at the point which they had in view."

When the Thebans, after the great and unexampled victory, which they obtained, against the Lacedemonians, in the battle of Leuctra, began, with the surprize of all, to lay claim to the sovereignty of Greece, various troubles, and contentions arose among the people of the country, and especially between the two contending parties, for the one refused to submit as conquered; while the other persisted to claim the victory. In these circumstances, they at last agreed to yield all the points that were in dispute between them to the sole judgment and decision of the Achæans. Nor, was this preference obtained by any superiority of thought, or power; for they were at that time, the last of all the states of Greece; but was confessedly bestowed upon that integrity and love of virtue, by which they became distinguished above all other people.

This is the real character of democracy; and who, in this view of the character, would be unwilling to be called a democrat? Yet there have been revolutions in the public mind, with respect to the honorary, or disreputable nature of this application. It will be recollected, that after the adoption of what is called the funding system, by the administration of the federal government, societies were instituted about the years, 1791—2—3, under the denomination of democratic societies. It was the intemperance of some of these bodies, and the insurrection of 1794, which brought a cloud upon these societies, and caused them to be discontinued. Prudent men and patriots, were willing to avoid a name which had incurred disreputation from the excesses of those attached to it.

But the errors of the federal administration, or at least measures thought to be errors, having overthrown that administration, the name, before buried, began to obtain resuscitation, and to be able to show its head in a new existence, and with fresh honours, instead of insult and degradation. The term democrat, has ceased to be a stigma; and begins to be assumed by our public writers, and claimed by our patriots, as characteristic of a good citizen. That of republican, which alone had been vented on for some time, is now considered cold, and equivocal, and has given way, pretty generally, to that of democratic republican. In a short time, it will be simply, the democracy and democrat.

But how long will this be so, in the United States, or, in these states? Its duration will be in proportion to the wisdom of those who occasionally obtain the ascendency in the government. It is him alone, "who gathereth the winds in his fists," that can calculate the revolutions that depend upon the temper, and the passions of men.

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CHAPTER VII.

I CALL myself a democrat. I will be asked, what is a democracy? I take my definition from a speech put into the mouth of Pericles, by Thucydides. It is to the Athenian people. "This our government is called a democracy, because, in the administration, it hath respect, not to a few, but to the multitude: a democracy; wherein, though there be an equality amongst all men, in point of law, for their private controversies; yet in conferring of dignities one man is preferred before another to a public charge; and that, according to the reputation, not of his power, but of his virtue; and is not put back through the poverty, or the obscurity of his person, as long as he can do service to the commonwealth. And we live not only free in the administration of the state; but also, one with another, void of jealousy towards each other in our daily course of life; not offended at any man for following his own humour, nor casting on any man censure or sour looks, which though they be no punishment, yet they grieve: so that conversing one with another, for the private, without offence, we stand chiefly in fear to transgress against the public; and are able always to be obedient to those that govern, and to the laws; and principally to such laws, as are written for punishment against injury; and such unwritten as bring undeniable shame to the transgressor." Hob's translation of Thucydides.

This definition or description, of a practical democracy, is drawn from real life. It is in the mouth of Pericles, a man of business; a sapient statesman; who had been bred and born in a democracy; versed in its affairs, and knew its errors, and its excellencies. On thing is remarkable, that a particular excellence which he notices, is the freedom of opinion. Where a government is founded on opinion, it is of the essence of its preservation, that opinion be free. It is not enough that no inquisition exists; that no lettre de cachet can issue; but that no man shall attempt to frown another out of his excercise of private judgment. Is it democracy to denounce a man in a paper, because he thinks differently on a measure of government with the editor? It is tyranny; and the man who can do this without reason, or moderation, is a tyrant, and would suppress the right of private judgment, if he had the power. I distinguish between stricture, and abuse. All depends upon the manner, and the toleration. A man is not always a deserter from just politics, because he cannot agree with me in opinion, on a particular subject. Mutual toleration and forbearance in our sentiments, with regard to the legality, or expedience of measures, is the soul of democracy. It is that which distinguishes it from despotism, as polite manners the fine gentleman in polished life; in civilized society. In a despotic country, it is the boot, or the thumb screw, or the cord, that brings a man to reason; at least the wheel and the pulley, are used for this purpose. What better in a republic where a man is this day a patriot, and the next day a traitor, at the whim of him who bestows the appellation? In the livid dens of despotism, state prisons are the seminaries of submissive citizens. In a democracy, shall terror issue from lamp-black, and patriotism be put down, under the name of opposition? When a man frowns upon me because I have dissented from him in opinion, on a political matter, I discover clearly the grade of his political standing, and democratic improvement. He is no democrat, say I; as another would say, he is no gentleman.

But it will be said, are not your democrats, all noisy, vociferous, intolerant and of a persecuting spirit? I say such are not democrats; they are spurious, and usurp the name. In a government founded on opinion, nothing ought to be a reproach, that is the exercise of private judgment. It is subversive of the essence of liberty. A frown is the shadow of force, and he that uses the one would have recourse to the other.

These observations allude to what is practical in democracy and cannot be established or prohibited by the laws; but constitute the manners which a democratic government inculcates, and is calculated to produce; and it will be observable, that there is a great deal of this among the body of the people, who have been accustomed to liberty. It is chiefly amongst the young in the world, or young in the country, that the contrary spirit shows itself. I am amongst those who carry my ideas in favour of the naturalization of foreigners, perhaps too far. I am for exercising the rights of hospitality to them, to all extent at once; making them citizens, and giving them the right of suffrage, and even office, the moment they set a foot upon the shore. For I cannot see on what ground, we can justify a refusal. But I do not mean to discuss this point at present, I introduce it to show that I am liberal in my notions, with regard to the privileges of foreigners. But I admit, that it takes some time to give them correct ideas of the limits of liberty. It is, I believe, a saying of the Grand Pensionary, De Wit of Holland, that "it takes a man half an age to enjoy liberty, before he can know how to use it." Nevertheless, I cannot see the inexpediency of admitting to a vote, the emigrant that comes amongst us, the first day he presents himself. He will be instructed by those that have been here before him. He must take his ticket from some one.—Is the ocean afraid of the rivers? Even when they come turbid with the swell of the mountains? The sea clarrifies, or they are lost in it. Who complains, out at sea, of a spring flood muddying the waters? This ought to be a lesson, at the same time, to emigrants, that they "use their liberty, so as not abusing it." It is a strange thing to see a man come in the other day undertake to set all right; and to denounce men of age and high standing, as guilty of defection. But what good is there in this world without an alloy of evil? What exercise of right without abuse? If I am wrong it is the excess of liberality.

But I find another principle in the oration of Pericles, in the justness of which, I am more confident. That is, the equal right of office to all the citizens. As the greater contains the less, this involves the right of vote. The only qualification of which I can have any idea, as justifiable, is that of age; and I should have no objection to see this restricted to a greater age than that of 21,—say 45 years. At this time men cease to be fit for the militia, or other ministerial services. Let them then become legislators; and have the right of vote in making laws, or chusing those that represent in making them. This would take off a great deal of wild-fire in our elections, and it would keep away vain young men from our public councils.

What absurdity does the idea of a qualification of property involve! It unhinges the ideas of the ancient republicans; that it was honourable to have enriched the republic, and to remain poor themselves. To be wise a man must be rich. No, but to be honest, he must have an estate. But in geting this estate, he may have been a rogue. In general, he must, in some measure, have neglected the improvement of his mind, At least, it does not follow, that in proportion as a man is poor, he is not to be trusted. They are frequently the most generous souls who have amassed little wealth; on the contrary, the most ignoble, who have acquired great property. The man that has set his heart on riches, is lost to benevolence, and public spirit. In the possession of office, he is thinking of what can be made by it. "Nothing can be great," says the critic Longinus, or the stoic philosopher Epictetes, I forget which, "the contempt of which is great. It is great to despise riches. These cannot therefore be great."

But how can we measure the value of property, and fix the criterion? Shall it be real property, a freehold? is my acre worth more than yours? Shall I have but an equal right; What are the drawbacks upon my estate? My debts and credits? It is the surplus that makes my property, even in the case of the substantial fund of freehold. But property is not the only stake. Person and character, are stakes. Every man that has a head has a stake. There is no proportioning it. In what is impracticable we can have no election. It is therefore an excellent principle of our excellent constitution, that all men have an equal right of suffrage, and an equal right of office.

I should not like to live in a republic where a man must be worth so much, to have equal rights; even could it be ascertained what I am worth; which, as I have said, is impracticable. How many men have I passed in life, less industrious than myself, and yet richer. They have had better luck, as we express it; or they have been more selfish, and kept what they got. Can a man that is looking at the stars, mind what is under his feet? We read of most of the great statesmen of antiquity, and virtuous heroes, that they were poor. It is no uncommon thing to find it added, that they themselves were buried, or their children educated at the public expence. The love of science; and the love of the public, is at variance with attention to private emolument. Shall it then be disreputable in a republic to be poor? Shall it operate as a crime and disqualify from the noblest function in society, the enacting laws? But I enlarge upon this only to show that I am, in my way of thinking, a democrat.

But it is not so much, in the extension of the right of suffrage, as in a delicate and just use of it, that the democratic character consists. Will you see a democrat practice unfairness in an election? Go upon the ground to canvass for himself, unless in the case of a ministerial office; and even in this, with great caution, and forbearance? Will you see a democrat, substitute, or change a ticket; much less introduce and obtain a vote for an unqualified individual? no real democrat was ever capable of this. It is with the aristocracy that these arts are practiced. They count it robbery to be stinted at an equal vote; and think it no injustice to make themselves whole by taking a plurality by whatever means in their power. This is all a usurpation of the sovereign authority; and in some republics has been punished with death. I own it is a misdemeanour; at least a disgrace; and no real democrat will be guilty of it.

In countries where the government is a fraud upon the people, and the right of suffrage where it even partially exists, is but a name; it may be thought innocent to deceive, and to slur our votes. For it is a buying and selling throughout. The candidate buys the vote, and has in the mean time sold himself. He is oftentimes purchased, and paid in advance, and bribes with a part of the money that he gets. Not so in this heaven of liberty, where other stars glitter, where other suns and moons arise; this beautiful world of liberty, in these states. Perdition on the man that saps its foundation with intention; forgiveness, but reformation of error, to him who destroys it by mistake. And yet these last are more to be dreaded than the former. At least as much; because the error of opinion is equally fatal, though originating from a different principle of the mind, and oftentimes founded in virtue.

Who ever saw a democrat keep an open house at an election for a place in the legislative body; They are poor, says an aristocrat. They are poor because they are honest, says a democrat. At least, being poor, they are honest. I have seen open houses kept in a republic; and private friendship, or personal safety has sometimes stood in the way of my endeavors to bring the persons to account. But disapprobation, and a portion of contempt has invariably attached itself to the transaction. What man can set the world right? The greatest self-denial is obliged to yield sometimes to personal considerations. Hence it is, that I have often been silent when I saw fraud, and unfairness before my eyes. Fraud in elections, is at the root of all wickedness in the government of a republic. A man of just pride would scorn the meanness of succeeding by a trick; a man of proper sense would know, that in the nature of things, no good can come of elevation obtained by such means. Success by fraud, will never prosper. All men despise cheating at cards, or other games. He is turned out of company that is found guilty of it. And shall we restrain our indignation, or can we withhold our contempt when an individual is found cheating, not at a game of chance or skill amongst idle men, but in the serious business of real life, and the disposition of our lives, characters and fortunes? I pledge myself no democrat is guilty of this; at the least those guilty of it are not democrats. They are not true brothers; real masons. They have been made at a false lodge; and will not be acknowledged. Thus it must be seen, I found democracy in virtue; that is, in truth, honour, justice, integrity, reason, moderation; civility, but firmness and fortitude in the support of right; quarter to error of opinion, and aberrations of the heart; but death to ambition, and the vain desire of honour, without just pretension; and death to all knavery, and meditated hostility to the rights of men.

Digressing a little, or rather returning to what I have said on the first point, the right of naturalization, I admit that emigrants, come when they will, are likely to be in opposition to the existing government, or rather, administration. This depends upon natural principles.—The governments of Europe are most of them oppressive, and it is oppression that drives, in most instances, the inhabitant from amongst them. The poor, or the most enterprising, are those that emigrate. They have been in the habit of thinking of a reform in the state of things in that country from which they come; it is natural for them to think that a little touch of their hand may be still necessary here. Did you ever know a new physician called in, that would not be disposed to alter the prescription, or add to it? What occasion for him, if there was not something to be added, or retrenchment made? Or how can he show himself, but in changing the medicines, or the regimen? Extremes beget extremes in opinions, as well as in conduct. The extreme of government, where he has been, leads to licentiousness in his ideas of liberty, now where he is.

Besides it is in this revolution of administration, if he is an ambitious man, that he finds his best chance of ascending. He is therefore a demagogue before he becomes a patriot. I acquiesce, therefore, in the policy of our constitution, and our laws, who prescribe a kind of mental quarantine to the foreigner though I incline to the generosity of these who think it unnecessary, and that such a great body of people have nothing to fear from the annual influx of a few characters, that may for some time, carry with them more sail than ballast. We had half Europe with us, in our revolution. We had all Ireland, the officers of government excepted, and even some of these. I therefore do not like to see an Irishman obliged to perform a quarantine of the intellect. I think it contributes to sour his temper, and to fix a prejudice against the administration, under which the limitation has been introduced. However, this may be more splendid in theory than safe in experience, and I submit to the policy that has been adopted until the constituted authorities shall think proper to regulate it otherwise. In the mean time, if this book should be read by any foreigner of high parts and spirit, I would recommend it to him to suspend his judgment upon men and things, until he has examined well the ground upon which he stands; to repress ambition and the desire of office, until unsought, it comes to him, during which time he may have become qualified to descharge it; and will have had an opportunity of finding out what he will finally discover, that the best men are the most moderate.

Intemperance of mind or manner in a foreigner, gives colour to the imputation that all are incendiaries. It becomes, therefore a matter of discretion, and just prudence on his part, to be cautious in coming forward to take a lead in politics, until he has well examined the field of controversy. But because foreigners may abuse the privilege, I would not exclude them by a law, did the matter rest on first principles. I should think myself justifiable in excluding from my society, and the government I had formed, the inhabitants of another planet, could they come from thence; because I do not know the kind of nature they are of; but men of this earth, of similar forms, and of like passions with ourselves, what have I to fear from them? What right have we to exclude them? We are not born for ourselves; nor did we achieve the revolution for ourselves only. We fought the cause of all mankind, and the good and great of all mankind wished well to us in the contest. With what anxiety did we look to Europe, for assistance. We derived the assistance even from the good will of nations.—It is an advantage to have a popular cause in a war. Have we a right to shut ourselves up in our shell, and call the society we have formed ours own exclusively? Suppose we had a right to the government exclusively, have we a right to the soil? That is ours, subject to the right of all mankind. Pre-occupancy can give a right but to a small portion of the soil to any individual. To as much only as is reasonably necessary for his subsistence. All the remainder is a surplus, and liable to be claimed by the emigrant. If he cannot get his right under the great charter of nature, without comming within the sphere of our government, and we hinder him to establish a society himself within ours, why abridge him even for a moment, of the rights, immunities, and privileges of that which we have instituted? But I had not meant to keep up this subject, though I have inadvertently fallen into it. I shall drop it here, and go into the sequel of this important history.

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CHAPTER VIII.

THEY now began to approach the new settlement. This bordering on the Indian country, the inhabitants were presumed to be half savages. It was thought proper, therefore, to approach them with a talk. Accordingly Harum Scarum was appointed for that purpose; and taking a saddle girth for a belt of wampum he set out for the frontier.

Passing through a wood, he heard the scream of a panther, and advancing, saw it on a tree. Taking this for a back-woods man, or half Indian, he accosted him in the vernacular idiom of a savage, which he had learned, from the Indian treaties in the newspapers. "Brother," said he, "do you want whiskey? We have a little in our keg at the camp. We have come here to bury the hatchet. It is two moons since we have been travelling. Our squaws are all at home, or we have none. Have you got a little killicaneeque, that we may smoke the calumet of peace; brighten up the chain of friendship, and sit round our council fires? Our young men are behind with their tomahawks. But the great spirit has taken the cocks of their guns and they come to shake hands, and set their traps on these waters."

At that instant a settler on the other side of the wood, shot the panther, which Harum Scarum observing, ran in to help off with the hide, and became acquainted with the marksman. This was an introduction, and no farther was necessary. He took the skinning to be scalping; and that it was one savage that had shot another, and, as is the way of the world, he determined to take part with the conqueror. Assisting to flay the panther, that was lately his brother, he learned the news of the county town, of the new settlement, and gave account of the Captain, and his new comers, and brought the huntsman among, to taste their whiskey, and conduct them to the village.

It may seem strange that we hear nothing of the Latin school-master all this time; but the fact is, that coming through the lack-learning settlement, they had gagged him, to keep him from speaking Greek; and his mouth was sore for a long time after, so that he could not even speak Latin; but as soon as he got into the village, he began to ejaculate.

In nova fert animus, mutatas dicere formas—
Italiam, fato profugus, Lavinaque venit—
Nos patriam fugimus: Tu Tityre lentus in umbra—

There were several Indian traders in the town, who understood Delaware, Shawnee, Munsy, and Mingo, but they took this for Chippewaw, or as they pronounce it, Jibway, and did not understand it. They gave him, however, some boiled corn with bears oil in it, and threw him a skin to lie down upon.—Closing his mouth, with

"Odi profanum vulgus, et arceo."

He fell asleep.

The first thing a settler does, when he goes to the new country, is to look out for a spring. Hard by he builds a cabin, of the stocks of trees, laid at right angles, and forming a square, or parallelogram. A stone serves for a back-wall, and an aperture over it to give vent to the smoke.

The settler brings with him few implements of husbandry, because he is poor, and has them not to bring; or the carriage is not in his power, from the want of draught cattle. An axe, a mattock, a corn-hoe without a handle, perhaps plough-irons, an augre, and a saw.

His household furniture is a pot, a frying-pan, a kettle, and sometimes a gridiron. A few blankets, and a bed-tick to fill with oak leaves, is a luxury.

A cow to give milk, is almost indispensable; and the rifle, with a little ammunition sparingly used, supplies flesh for the family. He must occasionally take a turn to the settlement to get a bag of flour, and a quart or two of salt.

His horses, if he has any, range in the woods; and a good deal of time is spent in looking them up, when wanted for service.

A breeding sow is an admirable acquisition, big with pigs.—If he can bring one with him, which is most generally accomplished, he has soon a herd of them, living on the pea vine, that supercedes the casual supply of hunting, and covers the sides of the chimney with hams, just at hand to cut off and broil.

It is of great advantage to the settler to be able to handle a tool, and to lay a stone. It would be advisable, therefore, in a father who means to send out his son, when grown up, to the new country, to put him some time to a carpenter, and to a stone mason. His own smithery he cannot well do, as an anvil, a pair of bellows, &c. are heavy to be carried; but the greatest drawback is, that he cannot resist the solicitations of his neighbours to assist them occasionally, and this takes him from the main branch of his improvement and cultivation.

The settlement is usually begun in this manner, and carried on by poor, honest, and industrious people. The town on the other hand, at the commencement, is usually a nest of adventurers, that have more wit than money, and more experience than industry.

A tavern-keeper or publican, that passes for a republican, to get custom; a horse jockey, a store-keeper, and a young lawyer, are the first that you find domiciliated in this metropolis.

The young lawyer, that had got to this place, was half starved, either because there was no other to help him to breed suits; or rather, which is most probable, because the state of society had not yet so improved, as to draw with it the inevitable consequent of valuable, and individual property, litigation, and law suits. The small controversies that had yet arisen, were determined by arbitration. These related chiefly to occupancy, and the rights of settlement; or contracts, as simple as the subjects of them, and involving no intricacy. But the inhabitants, either from the love of novelty, or finding the system of arbitration inadequate to the administration of justice, began to wish to have fixed principles and permanent tribunals, to govern and guard life, reputation, and property.

Not many months after the Captain had fixed himself in this place, and began to have weight among the people, there was a town meeting on this subject, and it was proposed to have a code of laws, a court, and advocates, as in other settlements.

Is it possible? said the Captain, being in the habit of speaking his mind freely. In the mid-land settlements, they are going to burn the lawyers, as they did the witches in New-England; and as to judges, it is as much as a man's life is worth to resemble one; either in the brogue of his tongue, or the cut of his jib, I mean his hat! or coat that he wears; such is the odium, under which that profession, or corps of men labour. Arbitration is in every body's mouth, and down with the courts. A lawyer indeed! Raising the devil was in vogue in the middle ages of the church; but has been laid aside in christendom, since black cats became scarce, as without them there is a difficulty in laying him; but what can lay a lawyer, when he is once up? The hurricane which carries away the haystack, is nothing to the breath of his mouth that bears away people's property, by the fees which he exacts.

It was thus the Captain laboured to dissuade them from the proposition, with as much earnestness, and similar success, as Samuel dissuading the people of jewry, not from a jury trial, but from monarchy, in the days, when they wished the kings to succeed judges. And the fact is, that tyranny gets her best foothold on the backs of courts of law, and judges. But those judges had ceased to let the people "every man do what was right in his own eyes," and therefore they wished for monarchs and despots. For if they were not to have perfect liberty, it was as well to be hanged for an old sheep as a lamb, and were unwilling "to halt between two opinions."

But the people of the settlement before us, had an idea that courts of justice were the best preservatives of a republic; and barriers against monarchy, and despotism. They had got a maxim in their hands, pronounced by the latin schoolmaster when he rose out of his sleep.

Misera est servitus, ubi Jus vagum, et incognitum.

It is the worst of slavery where the law is unknown, or uncertain. And they had found arbitration to decide like the oscillation of a pendulum, and all began to call out for something more stable.

————

CHAPTER IX.

OBSERVATIONS.

WHENCE does the uncertainty of law arise? Let us trace it. There is the letter of the law;. Litera scripta manet; "What is written lasts." But there is the spirit, that is the construction of laws. This depends upon the mind of the construer; and two men may not in some cases construe alike.

There is again the application of the rule to the case; and it is the mind that must apply. The history of these constructions and applications are found in what are called reports. But this history, like other histories, is not always the truth. No two judges or two lawyers will agree precisely in their statements of the same decision. Some particulars, omitted or added, makes the difference. Yet these are helps to establish the decision.

What is it that can correct the construction or the application as it was originally made, or as it appears in the report?—Reason. It was this at first made the construction or the application. Hence the maxim, "that nothing which is against reason can be law."

When the usage and custom which makes unwritten law, like the laws of a game at school, are in the memory of men, and the application of them to the case, depends upon two minds, it is morally, but not physically certain, but the application will be the same. But in all these cases both of usage and custom, or of written law, there is a higher degree of certainty than where there are no positive institutions, or rules at all. Which is most likely to establish certainty in the transmission of usage and custom, or construction of statutes, the occasional application of the law, by arbitrators, who have little knowledge of positive institutions, or tribunals in which records of legal proceedings are preserved, and men are employed who have devoted their lives to the study, and to the perfect knowledge of which they do not find a life sufficient?

Visionary men, like Rousseau and Godwin, have seldom more in view than to support paradoxes. The ability is shown by the novelty or extravagance of the proposition. Godwin, in his Political Justice, with great brilliancy, supports the idea of deciding every case on its own peculiar circumstances, according to the notions of equity, which lie in the breast of the judge. This is what is done in Constantinople. But it is to avoid this that laws are enacted, and means used to procure uniformity of construction and application in a free country. The object is to produce certainty.

The imperfection of human judgment produces uncertainty. This must be greater in proportion as there is no buoy to steer by; but a great difficulty arises in the administration of the laws, to guard the consciences of men. Which is most likely to secure this? Tribunals open; and it is a principle of our law, that the courts shall be open; and shall be held at known times and places. Can arbitrations have this requisite? It is a principle of jury trial, that the jurors who are to try a particular cause, cannot be known until they go upon it; and after hearing they are to be kept together without speaking to any one until they are agreed. There is not that opportunity for labouring a jury that arbitration presents.

At the same time I am not one of those who frown upon arbitrations; or think those unworthy citizens who meditate or inculcate the idea of what has been called an adjustment bill. I profess myself a reformist; and with regard to others who attempt reforms, I am not ready to cry out, "they that have turned the world upside down have come hither also." I have been for letting the experiment be made. I know the consequence that it will soon be laid aside. Perhaps something might be retained of it that may be found wise. But the difficulty of getting men together, that act not immediately under a compulsory process, and thus keeping them from being tampered with; independent of arbitrary notions of right or wrong, and unassisted reasonings, will be found to be such, that men who in the sincerity and benevolence of patriotism, have called for the system in the extent contemplated, will be the first to recede, and acknowledge that there is a difference between what is rational in theory and practical amongst men.

No one can have a greater contempt of pedantry, and opposition to reform in principle or practice than I have. A professional man thinks himself learned, because he is technical and knows the terms of his art, as a workman his tools; but has become shackled in forms and a slave to precedents, and has no horizon of original thought and comprehension. He cannot recur to the correctress, reason, or to experiment, the source of improvement amongst men.

At this particular time there is a fermentation of the public mind with regard to the administration of justice. I have no fear for liberty, provided the form of the government is left untouched; for a generous constitution will soon give warning of the malady, and on an error in reform a fever will ensue, and demand to be expelled. The wounding or destroying a principle of the constitution affects liberty, as taking away the trial by jury in the courts of law; or placing the tenure of a judicial commission on other grounds than on what the constitution has placed it; and the like vital parts of the system.

To reform with safety requires a perfect knowledge of the subject of the reform. To reform the law, either in its principles, or administration, requires a lawyer; a scientific and philosophical lawyer: not a pedant, even though on the bench of justice. Natural narrowness of mind or technical contraction, unfits for this. But an unreasonable jealousy of professional men is to be avoided. There is such a thing as patriotism on the bench, and on the bench what interest can there be but to lessen service? Interest therefore here, is not in the way of extending settlement by arbitration, so far as it may be practicable, and consistent with the preservation of the democracy. For be assured that the recoil of a measure hurts the authors more than those against whom the ordinance may have been directed.

But difference of opinion produces ill will. A man and wife will separate on a disagreement which has taken place about fixing a hen-coop, or laying out a bed of parsley. Christians have burnt each other, because the one would say off and the other from; and what man of sense doubts but the burner and the burned were equally good men? The creeds, confessions and commentaries of the one were just as orthodox as the other, but not precisely the same: and the nearer they come together the more wrath. This ought to teach in politics, at least, concession and forbearance.

If objects of sense mock the senses and deceive vision, how much more things in the political or moral world, which we cannot comprehend but by reasoning? What a farce it was in the year 1779, in America, to see committees formed from the one end of the continent to the other, instituting regulations of the prices of commodities at a standing value, when the medium of circulation continued to depreciate? The thing was absurd; yet I recollect Thomas Paine, an uncommon, but uninformed man, was a secretary to a committee, and an enthusiast in the project. The committee regulated "that a measure of fine flour should be sold for a shekel, and two measures of barley for a shekel, in the gate of Samaria;" but neither barley nor flour were brought to market, and as there was "no reasoning with the belly," the space of ten days undeceived the projectors.

The chemist tells us of substances that decompose, which is a process in order to the composition of other bodies; but that it depends upon a knowledge of the properties and quantity, whether the ingredients constitute a poison or a medicine. So may it be said of the spirit of reform.

The practice of the courts in Pennsylvania, is rendered simple to what it is in England; and could be still improved, as it would seem to me; either by the law of practice, which the courts themselves have the power of making, or with the aid of the legislature. But it is only a scientific man that understands the system, as a farmer knows his grounds, who can easily and with safety complete the reformation. The law itself is much improved in Pennsylvania, both criminal and civil, and I am not sensible of much wanting, but in the organization of the tribunals for its administration. Now it will not do to make a law that there shall be no litigation; or that every man shall know the law; for such a law cannot be carried into effect. I doubt, then, whether it will be found satisfactory to provide "that every man shall be his own lawyer," and his neighbour's judge in the capacity of arbitrator.

The excellence of jury trial is sanctioned by immemorial usage; and is secured to a certain extent by the constitution. What is the extent? "Trial by jury shall be as heretofore." This mode of trial has its laws. Does the constitution mean that the laws of this trial shall be as heretofore? or does it mean any thing more? It may mean that it shall be the mode of trial in the same tribunals as heretofore; that is, the courts of justice. Does it mean to bar extending the jurisdiction of the justice of the peace in point of action? This is a great question.

I admit that screwing up the construction of the constitution too tight, the public mind will revolt against it. Driven to a contention, much that is valuable in the constitution might be lost in that torrent which an overstrained construction had produced, like waters in a dam without a flood-gate. The discretion of the legislative body must not be too much disputed. It produces the very effect, in some way or other, which the over cautious apprehend. While the great boundaries of the constitution are unbroken, I do not fear much from those laws which regulate the police of justice, and may be enacted, and continued as the experiment may seem to justify, But I wish to see the democracy move in the groove of our noble constitution; like one on the heavenly bodies preserving its orbit, and bidding far for perpetuity. For this reason, I am afraid of even experiment, in a case where there is doubt, and which is of great moment and delicacy.

————

CHAPTER X.

IT is full time we return a little, and see what became of the bog-trotter, whom we left in the capacity of judge. This will best appear from a report of a case tried before him, and which has been kindly furnished us by lawyer Tarapin, who was counsel in the cause.

REPORT. Slouch vs. Crouch.

This was an action of assault and battery, with two counts; the first for assault and battery; the second for an assault.—The case as it came out upon the evidence, was as follows.

Upon some ill words given by Crouch, as villain, Grouch made a blow at him with a cudgel. Crouch crouching, as the name imports, let the blow slip over him, which lighting upon Slouch, broke his head. Upon this Slouch had brought his suit against Crouch.

Lawyer Tarapin moved for a nonsuit, on the ground that the action ought to have been against Grouch, whose stick, though intended against Crouch, yet trespassed, and hit upon Slouch.

Lawyer Heberden for the plaintiff, thought the action was properly brought, and that Crouch, who gave the ill words that occasioned the outrage, was responsible for all the consequences; that he had no right to take his head out of the way; but that it ought to have remained at its post, which had it been the case no blow could have fallen on Slouch.

What with the names, with terminations of a like sound, and the intricacy of the case, the judge was puzzled, and getting in a passion, snatched a staff from a constable, and fell upon the suitors. "By my showl," said he, "I will be after bating de whole o'd you togeder. A parcel of spalpeens and bog-trotters, to be coming here bodering me wid your quarrels, and your explanations; better fight it out like men of honour wid a shelelah, and not come here to trouble de court about it."

He had broke the heads of several, and was laying about him with the constables staff, the clerks not being able to interfere because they were blind, and the citizens not being willing because they were afraid; saying the culprits were in the hands of the judge, and it did not behove them to take the law into their hands, and resist the execution.

However, the result was that the proceeding broke up the court, and the blind lawyer, fiddler and bog-trotter had to leave the country.

The bog-trotter followed the Captain, and the blind lawyer and fiddler followed him, to the new settlement.

It was just at this time they came in, when the people were in commotion about the courts of justice. It was opportune, and occasioned them all to be provided for by the influence of the Captain. Things were reversed in some measure, from what they were in the country below; for the blind lawyer was made the judge; the fiddler the crier of the court, and the bog-trotter a constable. The piper of whom we have spoken, and who was an emigrant with the Captain, there being no bell or drum in the town, opened the first court at this place with his bagpipes.

There was nothing now wanting but a lawyer, and that was not a want long; for as one rat brings another, so lawyer brings lawyer. The one here already was soon paired, and these two, like stool pigeons, attracted others; so that in a short time the whole settlement was full of them.

————

THERE was now a talk of encouraging a printer. Some thought there were typographical errors enough in the world. However, the people were disposed to multiply them, and accordingly a printer was encouraged. He set up a paper which he called the "Twilight." For, as there was a "dawn" in the east, it seemed reasonable there should be a "twilight" in the west. The Evening Star, and the Western Star have been names of gazettes; but Twilight, for any thing we have heard, would seem to be original. The dawn,

——"That sweet hour of prime,"

In the language of Milton.—One of his most beautiful paintings is that in which he speaks of it as introducing the sun,

————Jocund to run
His longitude through Heaven's high road; the gray
Dawn, and the pleiades before him danc'd,
Shedding sweet influence———

The "Dawn" is a modest appellation for a paper, bespeaking the beginning of light. The "Twilight" not less so, meaning that small degree of it which remains after the sun is set.—The device was an owl, a cat, and a bat; the owl an emblem of wisdom, the cat of vigilance, the bat of impartiality, being of equivocal formation, and doubtful whether bird or beast. At the same time these animals are all of the "Twilight," and therefore appropriate.

The motto by the Latin schoolmaster,

—Si quid superesset agendum.

Clonmel the ballad singer, furnished a few verses to introduce the publication. The composition was none of the best; but it was suited to the occasion.

The dawn and the twilight, have both but small skylight,
Yet pleasant are both in their prime,
For think of the noon and the hot burning sun,
O, this is a far better time.

Hence name we the paper, and light up a taper
To lighten the clouds of the west.
If not the best skill, yet have the best will,
To make this our paper the best.

We want a little money to begin with, dear honey,
So bring it and take you the news.
Have a little heart, nor be sorry to part,
With a trifle like misers and Jews.

We shall tell how the Spaniards, dress hides in their tanyards,
Or curry their leather in France.
And when that we come to things nearer home,
You shall hear of these just at once;

Who's married; who's broken; who is shot, or is choken,
By himself, or the hand of the law.
What dress is on foot, who has got a new clout,
To tickle the fancy and draw.

The lads that can write now let them indite,
And here come speak their own praise;
On politics or pride, or threshing the hide,
Of judges and lawyers now-a-days.

'Tis all one to us, what the blunderbuss,
So that it but makes a noise,
So down with your inkpots; thinkers or think nots,
And help out our journal, brave boys.

Harum Scarum was a contributor to the paper, and dealt in fabrications and intelligence, Will Watlin gave dissertations on economics, taming wild geese, and brewing beer out of wasp's nests, Tom the tinker hankering after insurrections, struck his hammer on the government. The Latin schoolmaster was now employed as an Indian interpreter, passing his Greek for the Chickasaw; nevertheless found time to furnish a distich or hemistich or Latin epigram occasionally. O'Fin was a politician and brought down his flail upon Bonaparte, and said, had it not been for his usurpation, there would have been a republic in Ireland. The bag-piper was a merry fellow, and brought his talents into hotch-pot in the way of essays upon drones; shewing their use in a commonwealth. Thus few papers were better supported than the Twilight, and it had subscribers. The great variety of talents,

Quoniam sic positæ, suaves misscetes odores,

Said the Latinist—the great variety of talents could not fail to furnish something to hit the taste of every individual; and it is not so much, excellency, as variety that pleases, The most odoriferous shrub or rose ceases to delight, and we turn to another bush, or take up even a less fragrant flower.

The passions having their vent in a gazette, saves battery and bloodshed. In this view of the subject it is an aid-du-camp to the laws; and if it should be thought eligible to extend the province of the press, and to canvass all matters depending in a court of justice, it will be an accessary to the practice, and a great acquisition in a free government. But this I leave to the discretion of the legislature.

The bog-trotter wrote little, in fact nothing. He was busy serving process in the capacity of constable; and in one of his excursions met with an accident. He set his foot on the spur of a horse-jocky; which, in this new country, from the prick of the roller, he took for a rattle-snake. Not waiting to look behind him, after it made the impression, and left a puncture like the tooth of a serpent, he made his tour to the town with great howling and lamentation. A ligament was drawn tight about his ancle, and the leg stroked down and the flesh pressed towards the orifice. Cold water from the mouth of a tea-kettle was poured upon the wound, with a steady current from a considerable height. Finally, certain roots, pointed out by the Indian traders, in a cataplasm was applied to the foot, bandaged up for a fortnight, until all appearance, I need not say, of poison, for there was none, but all apprehension of poison and mortification was removed.

It will not be understood that I record this incident as an evidence of pusillanimity in the bog-trotter. For a man of the firmest mind, might reasonably conceive an alarm at the idea of being bitten by a snake. Such is the horror in the human mind at even the touch, much more the bite of such a reptile.

Milton represents the tempter as seducing Eve under the form of a serpent, and endeavours to render that form amiable by description,

——Inclos'd
In serpent, inmate bad, and towards Eve
Address'd his way, not with indented wave
Prone on the ground, as since, but on his rear,
Circular base of rising folds, that tower'd
Fold above fold, a surging maze; his head
Crested aloft, and carbuncle his eyes;
With burnish'd neck of verdant gold, erect
Amidst his circling spires, that on the grass
Floated redundant: pleasing was his shape
And lovely; never since of serpent kind,
Lovelier.

It would seem to me to have been an oversight in Milton to make the tempter assume the snake. For he is not supported by the Scripture. The idea in Genesis is not that the tempter was in the guise of a serpent; but of some creature which was, for that very act, condemned to be a serpent. "Upon thy belly shalt thou go, and dust shalt thou eat all the days of thy life." It is a metanomasia, or post-nomination, "The serpent was more subtle;" that is, the beast which now we call a serpent, was then the wisest of the field. It is impossible to imagine that creature, which would seem to have been changed; for we can no more imagine a new creature, than create one. When the poets feign a griffin, it is but a winged beast. The Orc of Aristo is made up of parts that are taken from animals in nature.

But, it is to be presumed that the animal assumed by the tempter must have been next to the human, the form the most beautiful in nature. The poet represents the transformation as denounced in the garden,

——Without delay
To judgment he proceeded on the accused
Serpent, tho' brute, unable to transfer
The guilt on him who made him instrument
Of mischief, and polluted from the end
Of his creation; justly then accurs'd.
As vitiated in nature———
Because thou hast first done this thou art accurs'd
Above all cattle, each beast of the field;
Upon thy belly grovelling thou shalt go,
And dust shall eat all the days of thy life.

I would have expected the metamorphose at this time and place.

His visage drawn he felt so sharp and spare,
His arms clung to his ribs, his legs intwining
Each other, till supplanted down he fell
A monstrous serpent on his belly prone,
Reluctant; but in vain, a greater pow'r,
Now rul'd him, punish'd in the shape he sinn'd,
According to his doom.—

Since my first reading of the poem, I have been struck with the incongruity of representing the animal which the tempter assumed, as being a serpent in the first instance. Yet there is classical authority for supposing it possible, that a serpentine form could be the subject, even of affection:

Lovelier; not those that in Illyria chang'd
Hermione and Cadmus, or the God
In Epidaurus, nor to which transform'd
Ammonian Jove, or Capitoline was seen,
He with Olympias, this with her who bore
Scipio the height of Rome.

And Dryden in his ode on St. Cecilia's day——

When he to fair Olympia prest,
Awhile he sought her snowy breast,
And then around her slender waist he curl'd,
And stampt an image of himself, a sovereign of the world.

Strange as it seems to me, the ancients in some countries, appear not to have had this horror of serpents. In the temple of Esculapius, the god himself was said to visit his patients disguised under the form of a great serpent, the caresses of which reanimated them with new hope. Serpents in general were consecrated to this god. "He appears to have had a particular predeliction for those found in the neighbourhood of Epidaurus, which are of a colour approaching to a yellow, have no poison, are tame and gentle, and love to live in familiarity with man. That which the priests keep in the temple, will sometimes wind round their bodies, or raise himself on his tail to take the food which they present him on a plate. He is rarely suffered to go out, but when this liberty is permitted him, he walks majestically through the streets, and as his appearance is deemed a happy omen, it excites universal joy.

"These familiar serpents are found in the other temples of Esculapius. They are very common at Pella, the capital of Macedonia. The women there keep them for their amusement. In the great heats of summer, they wind them around their neck, like neck-laces. During my stay in Greece it was said that Olympia, queen of Philip king of Macedon, had one of them, which she frequently took to bed to her, and it was even added, that Jupiter had taken the form of that animal, and that Alexander was his son."

Translation of Anacharsis

Nevertheless, I still think that the more natural allegory in Milton, and better supported by the scripture, would have been the idea of some creature the most beautiful, as well as the wisest, tempting Eve, and thence, as a punishment, undergoing transformation. So much for criticism.

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CHAPTER XI.

INACUS founded Argos; Cecrops Athens; Cadmus Thebes in Bœotia; Romulus Rome; and Penn Philadelphia. Now who formed the town of which we are speaking, cannot be said; for it was founded by a congluvies of mortals like the company of David, in the cave of Adullam. "Every one that was in distress; and every oen that was discontented, gathered themselves unto him." Amongst these a broken judge came in, who complained that he was unjustly broken.

A word with you friend, said the Captain. Were you not tried by a competent tribunal?

Yes, said the judge; but the judgment was unjust. Why not appeal? It was the tribunal in the last resort.

What, said the Captain; can there be an error in a dernier decision? What is it, according to yourselves, that makes the law, but decision? Precedent is authority. What has reason to do in the case? Once it gets into the books and becomes a case, let me see what judge can undo it, or question the reason of it. It has become law. We must take the law as we find it. If Holt has once said it the game is up; or Buller or Kenyon. It is a knock 'im down argument, that Patterson has ruled it so; or Washington or Marshall. It is the construction of the judge that makes the law. It is the application to facts proved, or admitted, that makes the case; and the application being by the constitutional tribunals, there is no more to be said about it. Positive institutions are arbitrary things, and there is no reason necessary that they are as they are. You a judge, and talk of an unjust judgment, where it has been given by those who have alone a right to judge! This shows that you were not fit for your office: so turn in there, we will do the best we can for you; but no mere caterwauling about the injustice of your sentence; you sent many a man from your decisions, I will undertake to say, dissatisfied—but the law had determined it; it had become a case, and there was an end of the disquisition.

The judge hung his lip, and turned into a cabin.

A young doctor had come here. What learning he had before he came, is not of so much consequence, as what practice he had afterwards. One thing he had acquired, the cant of a physician, that had he been called sooner, before the constitution had lost its tone, or nature her diathesis to co-operate with the medicine, a cure might have been effected; and even as it was, by preserving regimen, something might be done. The quack taking care first to find out what the patient liked best; and especially prohibiting that, because, as he knew, the indulgence could not all at once be restrained absolutely, it was morally certain the patient would transgress a little, and furnish the complaint with a pretence to stick by him in spite of the faculty.

A young woman had been found in the woods, naked, gagged, and had been, as she said, tied to a tree. The account she gave was that she had been taken out of a nunnery in Canada, where she had been educated: was on her way to her father in Kentucky, a rich man; had been robbed of a thousand doubloons by her conductor, stripped of her silks and muslins, and left to perish in the wilderness. Imagination or philanthropy saw truth in her history; and she was fed and cloathed, not as the law directed, but as humanity dictated, and brought into good company.

At the first discovery of her, she was thought to be a mortal; but in a short time she was conceived to be an angel. There were an hundred that would have married her, had it not been for this distrust of being real flesh and blood. But by this time it began to be found out or at least suspected, that the nunnery had been no farther off than a city of these states, and under the care of brothers, rather than sisters; and where the employment was something else than needle-work. In the opinion of most persons she became a mortal, that had put off her duds; and except in odes or dithyrambics, we hear little farther of her as a divinity.

The preacher of the town was a methodist that had been a horse thief; and when he had taken his text and was warning from the like offence, and telling the danger of it, he would put back his wig and say, you see I have lost my ears by it.

Ecce signum, said the Latin schoolmaster;
Segnius irritant animos demissa per aurem,
Quam quæ sunt oculis subjecta fidelibus.

At an early period, the ceremony of marriage had been dispensed with in this town, as is the case where there are not magistrates or priests at hand to officiate, and make the legal copula, or knot of marriage. Diana and her nymphs; the three graces and the nine muses, are represented as not marrying at all. It is to be presumed that it is owing to the same cause, the absence of the justice of the peace or the parson. But it is always spoken of as the first step towards civilization, the coupling in marriage.

———Sancire leges.
Concubitu prohibere vago.

The Captain being elected governor of the new state, paid attention, in the first instance, to this matter of police, and directed the girdle of Hymen, to be added to the zone of Venus, in all cases where it had been yet wanting. The settlement in a new country is, in some respects, delightful; the country in its virgin state, before the underwood is browzed upon, and the luxury of flowers and shrubs is repressed by the beasts of burden, or the labours of the husbandman. It has seemed to me that the streams run clearer in a new country than the old; they are certainly more abundant. The cultivation of the soil uncovering the vallies, lets in the rays of the sun, which drink up the moisture, and open fissures in the earth, where the streamlets sink and disappear.—Hence it is that we read of brooks and rivulets in the classic and long cultivated countries, which bubble now only in the song of the muses—

"Sunk are their fountains, and their channels dry."

The natural moss on the margin of the fountains and the rivers in a new country, are greener, and furnish a more romantic seat,

Saxo sedilia vivo,

shaded by the umbrage of the forest, than the clover of the meadow; or the artificial bank and bowers of the garden itself. How delightful the small parties that are made upon the water of the rivers in skiffs or canoes, or in the shades of the forest, and near a spring head, at a fete champetre or barbecue, where the company assemble, nor yet divided by the classifications of wealth or pride! I do not wonder that the young people of the Israelites were apt to be seduced to sacrifice "in high places, on hills, and under every green tree," even though prohibited, inasmuch as these situations were so delightful, at least in the summer seasons.

"The flowers of the forest are a' wed away,"

In the old school ballad is a fine expression: for the flowers of the "forest" are unquestionably of a more lively bloom and finer odour than those of a garden; and that atmosphere of fragrance, which, from a wilderness of verdure, pours upon the senses, overwhelms with delight. There is no ague or fever here; for the exhalation from the foliage is aromatic to the smell—The gale is not tainted with miasmata. The air is a bed of perfume, and the vapour tastes of nectar and ambrosia.

Such scenes, and such air must be salutary. Whatever the component parts or qualities, hydrogen or oxygen, of which the chymists speak, certain it is that the air breathed from plants and flowers is favourable to health and longevity. Inhaled by the lungs, it is restorative to the tabescent, and as a vapour bath to the whole body is salubrious. A ride from the sea coast to an ultramontane settlement in the spring of the year, is resuscitation to an almost dead constitution.

But it would seem to be owing to other causes than mere bodily vigour and health, that the inhabitants of a new country appear to have more intellectual vigour, and in fact more understanding in the same grade of education, than the inhabitants of an old settlement, and especially of towns and cities. The mind enlarges with the horizon. Place a man on the top of a mountain, or on a large plain, his ideas partake of the situation, and he thinks more nobly than he would under the ceiling of a room or at a small country seat.

It may be that the change of situation gives a spring to the mind, and that the intercourse with that variety of characters which emigrate, increases the stock of knowledge. Whether owing to these, or other causes, it unquestionably appears to me, that the ultramontaneer is, in general, the superiour man, in the same occupation and pursuit in life. This would seem to hold good out of the learned professions which require a propinquity to the libraries of Apollo, as well as the seat of the muses; but we have in view chiefly that natural sagacity, and discernment of spirit, and strength of mind which constitutes mental superiority. Perhaps it may be that the most active spirits are those that emigrate; or that people put to their shifts, which is the case in a new country, acquire a vigour of mind proportioned to the exercise.

There is one thing observable, that, in a new settlement, society is coveted, because it is scarce; and mutual wants produce reciprocal accommodation. The emigrants coming also, from different quarters, and hitherto unknown to each other, do not bring with them latent, or professed enmities; and the mind, ira, amicitia vacuus is open wholly for new impressions. Family feuds, of an old standing, or of recent inception, do not exist. The absence of all chagrin is a state of mind more easily coveted than explained, either as to its sensations, or as to its consequences. But it is a main spring of happiness in a settlement, that the improver begins upon a new plan, and upon his own scale; and he has his shades and his avenues at once, without waiting for the trees to grow. There are neither ruins, nor vestiges of decay before his eyes, but a young country receiving young cultivation; just at the will of the possessor, without the necessity of sacrificing taste to what had been begun and half finished. Suffice it to have said these things to the encouragement of young people who may not be well provided for by those before them, and are disposed to seek their fortunes dependent only on themselves.

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CHAPTER XII.

THE Captain, in the capacity of governor, began to turn his thoughts towards government; and considered with himself what had been the means of governing men, from time immemorial. This he found might be comprehended under two general heads, fear and affection. The priest is an adjunct of fear, because he holds out the horror of what is to come, or is invisible.

What the origin of sacrifices? The true religion ordained them being of mystical type and signification; the false, in order to be like the true, and also, because not having tithes, these became doubly necessary for subsistence. For when a bullock was offered up to the gods, the smell went to them, but the taste to mortals. It was not that any thing could be got out of viscera, that tripes were inspected; but because this could not be done until the cow was killed; and in that case, the priest got a beef-steak. What contempt would one entertain of the Haruspices, poring over the entrails of cattle, in order to ascertain the events of futurity, if he had no idea, all this time, that it let to a barbecue?

Having discovered this, he would do the past ages more justice, and would be disposed to acknowledge, that men were not just such fools, heretofore, as he had thought them to be.

But what the origin of human sacrifices? That has a deeper foundation. It was not that Gentiles devoured them; or were cannibals. But, it was a state engine, and under pretence that a human victim was desired by the gods, some individual, obnoxious to the government, was pointed out by the priest, in collusion with the officer, and made the holocaust. We have a proof of this from the poet Virgil, who puts a tale into the mouth of Simon, viz. that a victim being necessary to procure a favourable wind to the Greeks to return home, Ulysses, having a grudge on an old account, got Calchas to denounce Pil Garlick, as one the gods had pitched upon; and accordingly being marked out for the altar, he had run off. In the Foola country, according to Winterbotham, whom we have already quoted, the Bandoo woman is made use of by the Purra, to single out the culprit that is to go to pot and be knocked on the head. In the South Sea islands, it is the usual policy. A letter from a missionary at Otaheite, tells us that the emperor of that island, lately dead, had offered up in his time, at least two thousand human persons. These were, doubtless, such as had been in opposition to the administration.

Lettres de cachet, had answered this end in France; the inquisition in catholic countries, which was an ecclesiastical tribunal, served the same purpose.

The clergy in free states, are useful to government; but not in the same way. It is by inculcating obedience as a divine precept, and a moral duty. This is the only "alliance of church and state," that exists in this country. Or if the clergy here do not touch upon politics at all, yet by teaching such doctrines as lead men to virtue, they make them good citizens. Even the Calvinist, though he talks of nothing but faith, and spiritual affections, yet produces the effect of good works. So that in fact he comes to the same point with the Arminian who talks chiefly of good works.

In the ancient republics, founded like ours, on reason, and the laws, the power of speech was the great means of keeping men together. Hence the orators of the popular assemblies. With us the press is the great pulley, by which the public mind is hoisted, or let down to any sentiment. It is a wonderful block and tackle, so to speak, on board the state ship. It can overthrow a good administration, and for a while support the bad. But the press cannot exist but by liberty. Nevertheless the freedom of it may be lost by its own exertions. The intemperance, and indiscretion of the journalist, propels to popular excesses, which subdue the laws; and bring despotism. See the French revolution.

These were the reflections of the governor, who thought it fortunate that a press had been established in his government as a vehicle of information, but was a little afraid of some of the correspondents; Harum Scarum; Tom the Tinker; Clonmel the ballad singer; Will Watlin, and others. O'Fin the Irishman, was an excellent flail man; but threshing grain, and threshing in a news paper, require, if not different powers of mind, yet at least different cultivation. He was an honest good hearted fellow; but as on a barn floor, an unskilful, or careless person will bring the voluble end of the jack-staff about his own head; and hurt; so it is with a politician who enters the list with a view to do good; but, from mistake of the true interest of the body politic, does harm.

Under this idea of the effect of a journal to guide, or mislead the public mind, the Governor solicited an interview with the author of the "Twilight." After such introductory compliments and observations as may be presumed on the occasion, the governor insensibly drew him (the editor) into a conversation on the subject of the press, and his gazette in particular.—Editor, said he, your good sense I know, and your patriotism; but I am afraid of your being a little too much carried away with the spirit of the times, economies; dissolution of courts, disuse of codes of law, and invectives against lawyers. There is a medium in all things. This may be carried too far. Would you not think it prudent to restrain this downhill speed a little? As to attacks upon the administration, or the policy of measures merely executive, or even the constitutionality, or expediency of a law, I should think the greatest freedom may be used; or the public conduct of men in office may be canvassed; though, by the bye, I should not think the public had any interest in their amours, their costume, as for instance the cut of their pantaloons, or the colour of their breeches; or peccadilloes, even in the breaches of decorum. Such restriction may perhaps be laying an anchor to windward in my own behalf, as I am not the most exact of all men in these particulars. But I ask or wish for no indulgence, on the score of official acts; let them be the subject of your examination, and strictures. At the same time taking the rule of humanity for your guide, as expressed by the Poet:

"Nothing extenuate, or set down aught in malice."

But I advert chiefly to such sentiments, as poison in respect of the elementary principles and constitutions of government itself, and the prostration of those establishments on which the security of property, reputation and liberty depend.

You will assign to us typographists a very narrow sphere, indeed, said the editor; and you will strike away from us the footstool of all our popularity. What is it to the macaronie, whether you acquire territory to the republic, or lose it; but what is the fashion of your boot, or the cape of your coat? What is it to a female, whether you wisely sanction a remedial act by your approbation, or negative it? But whether you keep a mistress, or ever had one. The taste of our subscribers is as various, as their faces, and we must please our subscribers. Every body can understand scurrility, but it requires one to knit the brow to take up a report on the finances. As to the taste of the time, we must fall in with it, if we mean to keep on the popular side of the question. The rage is now economies, and down with the lawyers. We cannot avoid harking in a little. You are not to take it for granted that we speak our own minds in every thing you see in our papers; no more than an advocate who is employed on the wrong side to plead: it happens to fall to his lot, and he finds his account in it.

Cannot you fill up your journal, said the Governor, or at least a great part of it, with essays on agriculture; experiments in chemistry, mathematical problems, or love adventures, years ago, or at a great distance? Let the governors, and the laws alone, since you cannot speak of them according to your own judgment.

That would never do, said the editor. The public would not take half the interest in it. Finding fault is a secret satisfaction, and the source of great delight to the human mind.—Hence slanders in society. Why not much more in public life? When a man builds a cabin, it pleases us to object to the plan, or something done about it; much more when the subject of our remark is of a high and noble nature, such as a measure of the executive.

The fact is, a newspaper is a battery, and it must have something to batter at. Where the editor is a friend to the executive, or the legislative part of the administration, he must make a butt of the judiciary. It is against this he must bring his catapult, or battering ram, to bear. Fortunate the man who is unentrammelled with any attachments, or restraints of affection, gratitude, or obligation; he has the whole before him, and he is not under the necessity of slackening his efforts, at one angle, lest he should affect another. A clear field, and no favour. That is the province of the printer. An advocate seldom finds it his interest to be retained by a suitor altogether. And as to building up systems, that is what we do not so well understand. We leave that to the sages, and philosophers, with whom we are naturally at war. It is not our forte; every man has his faculty. One to spin a rope; another to pick oakum.

Well, said the Governor, you must take your own way. I had no idea of shackling the press, but only of suggesting such hints, as might conduce to its credit, and the good of the community.

I do not know, said the Governor to the Chief Justice, the blind lawyer who was present; the editor now withdrawn; I do not know, said he, whether, notwithstanding my observations to the printer, something might not be done in settling suits, and composing differences in matters of property without such extensive codes of jurisprudence and court trials, with advocates, and endless speeches. I should like to hear your idea on this subject, Chief Justice.

Might we not do without such struggling to exist in other respects? said the Chief Justice. The acre must be grubbed; the maize planted; the sickle is necessary. Why clothing? at least why tailors. Skins, or a plaid might answer. Why houses? It is probable that mankind had tried the acorn: the bear skin; the cave, or the hut before these. Must they return to this state, to see whether they cannot now do without them?

The presumption is, that before laws, men had tried what it was to dispense with them. Jury trial would not seem to have been an invention, all at once like the cotton loom by Arkwright. It is probable that it was considered an improvement upon arbitrations, when it first came into use. But it would not seem to have been adopted all at once, but to be the result of successive amendments. In fact, it is nothing but a mode of arbitration by the vicinage, uniting with it the advantage of a court to inform as to what the law is, and furnishing an executive authority to carry awards into effect, and execution.

This trial is of immemorial usage, and hid in deep antiquity. If we had its history, it would be seen that its laws, are the result of gradual accession; and these added from an experience of defect. Just as in our own time, and in these states, we find amendments, or at least, changes in the summoning, return, impannelling, or serving of juries.

The privilege of counsel in capital cases; as to matters of fact, or witnesses on oath, is but a late acquisition in England. And the presumption is, that at least, as to the privilege of counsel, it did not originally obtain in civil cases. But that the prerogative of the crown had impeded this improvement in the criminal laws, so that it did not keep equal pace with that in the civil. Yet with us it begins now to be thought a grievance to have counsel in any case. It seems to be a wish of many to try a system of judicial determination without it.

What would be the effect of the experiment of simple arbitration? said the governor.

An injury to credit, said the chief justice: men would not so readily give trust, knowing that the screw of the law was relaxed, and they could not so readily recover what was due to them; of course, it would reduce contracts, and bring matters to the immediate exchange of money, and commodities.—In the third place it would shake the security of property, real and personal; on account of the uncertainty of holding it, the rules of evidence being rendered uncertain before a tribunal having no rules; and also on account of having no principles of contract or use, but the notions of right and wrong, in the breasts of the auditors; and these as changable as the different sets that sit upon a controversy.

In the last place, it would check, if not put a stop to all improvement. A great object of the social compact is, the security of private property; the ascertaining and protecting meum and tuum; the mine and thine of possessions. With sovereigns, the ultima ratio regum, is the means of redress in case of an invasion. Of trespass with individuals in a state of society, what else but the laws? And what are laws without tribunals to lay down and enforce them? tribunals, not casual and temporary, but fixed and moving with set times, and the regularity of clock work; tribunals who have rules of property as well understood, and as certain in their applications, as the laws of gravitation, or magnetism. When the barons met at Runningmede, did they complain of any thing more than the delay of justice? Nulli negabimus, nulli deferemus justitiam, is a provision of the magna charta. Could there be steady justice, otherwise than by a proper organization of courts and juries? Not unless we take the short way of despotism, and appoint subordinates with a prompt power, and arbitrary discretion. Trial by jury and the constituted courts, had been in use time out of mind, before magna charta, and more than eight hundred years since, it has been tolerated, nay prized, and the constant subject of eulogy; notwithstanding what I consider as that which might be the subject of amendment, the principle of unanimity. It ought not rashly to be changed, in the essential law of its nature, that it shall be annexed to a court where men sit, who are learned in the usages and customs, or written laws, of the society. Human wisdom never has devised an equal mode of uniting the means of ascertaining fact and applying law. It is the life-giving principle in this regulation, that the jury and the court are associated in the trial, and that one cannot move without the other. As to the mode of bringing forward juries by return of the sheriff; by a special jury, selected in the manner known, or by election of the country, these are particulars of a lesser nature, and may be the subject of modification from time to time, and yet the vital principle preserved. But the moment the tribunals of fact and law are separated, the talismanic charm is gone; that which was never understood before, will then be felt.

But, said the Governor, did they not lay aside law judges, and attempt the system of mere arbitrament in France, during the revolution?

It would have been matter of wonder if they had not, said the chief justice. When the cord from its extreme tension is let go, it vibrates nearly as far on the other side of the circle to that from which it had been drawn. What could you expect in return from despotism but the opposite extreme? In the state of the public mind, in France, what was there to arrest at a medium? Was it natural for the precipitancy of the national will, to stop short of the utmost latitude? You might as well expect the stone of Sysiphus rolling down hill, of itself, to stop short, at a proper point.

Of what account was it, when the mode of settling disputes, relative to property in France, at some periods of the revolution? Proscriptions brought owners, and possessors, so quickly to the guillotine; and conscriptions took them so hastily to the cannon's mouth or the bayonet's point that it was of little consequence what were the tribunals of justice, or of litigation. But had they the trial by the vicinage to lose? or have they continued to do even without judges? Bonaparte, you may say, has given them courts. If he had let them alone, they would have had them of themselves, unless anarchy had continued, or some other sovereignty of like nature had taken place.

What was the law in France before the revolution? From what sources drawn? The Roman civil law. Not this only, but usages, customs, and written laws of a general or local nature, derived from their Gallic ancestors; or from the Goths of Franconia; from the law of nature; from the law of nations; from municipal institutions, and a thousand sources as numerous as the springs that make the rivers of their country.

Could not property be held and adjudged without a knowledge of all these? said the governor.—No more than you could breathe without the atmosphere, unless another atmosphere be given you. For what is property, but that which is peculiarly my right? And what constitutes in my right, but the laws under which it was acquired, and to which it is subject?

Is this Roman civil law, that you speak of, a thing of much extent? said the governor.

It is as extensive, said the chief justice, as the common law with us, or as any law must be, that arises out of the concerns of a great community, or is provided for it. Romulus made regulations; Numa, institutions; the plebiscita, or resolutions of the tribunes and the commons; senatus consulta; judicia pretoris; responsa prudentum; these continued in the twelve tables, institutes, pandects, and commentaries, are grounds of that law, which, on the decline and fall of the empire, was incorporated by the barbarous nations on their codes, as they became civilized, and an agricultural and commercial people. It is the experience and wisdom of ages which can alone provide for the cases of difference in matters of claim or right amongst a people. It will require the application of years in those who administer these laws, to acquire a knowledge of the rules established relative to them, and which rules by the change of property under them, have become as much the right of the citizens as the property itself. For the laws of property go with it; and are the right of the purchaser; and as much a part of his estate, as the charters and documents that constitute the evidence of acquisition. A bit of a manual, or collect of the rules of a legislative body, will fill a duodecimo volume; and yet how small a part is this of the "law of parliament," which embraces privileges, immunities, laws of election, &c. &c. &c.! And in the code of the community, there are a thousand chapters of law more extensive than this, and equally important to be known, and every day in use by the whole of the people. So that the disuse of lawyers, judges, and courts, or superseding the necessity of them by novel institutions, is what will be found impracticable consistent with government.

Nevertheless, said Harum Scarum, who had just come in, and heard the concluding part of what the chief justice had said, Harum Scarum, whom the governor had just appointed secretary: Nevertheless, said he, so it is, that nolens volens, the people will have the lawyers and the judges down. They may let the chief justice alone a while, because he is blind.—There is a generosity in men that leads them to spare the miserable. But as to lawyers that have their hands, and judges that can see, down they go; every day has its rage; ca ira, it will go on. The Marseilles hymn need not be sung to this.—Marchez, Marchez: March on, March on. It will march of itself, quick step. There needs no drum beat, or fife to play. So much for the lawyers; they are under way, and down they go.

Every day has its trumpery of opinions, and pursuits; obstinacies, and predilections. We had the age of swindlers some time ago. Every man that had a mountain, or no matter whether he had one or not, sold the top first, and then the bottom. For though your lawyers say, that Cujus est solum, ejus est usque ad coelum; yet we have no such maxim as usque ad Tartarum, and so he might sell the bottom, and by the bye, represent it as level, and well watered, which he could not always say, with a good conscience, as to the frustrum of the cone whether the parabola, or the hyperbola. It was not enough for the swindler, to purchase or sell lands that were neither in the moon, nor 'on the earth, nor in the waters under the earth; 'but he must go to the ring of Saturn, and the planet Herschel.—There was no end to deception on one hand, or credulity on the other.

But we have seen this age pass over, and now is the age of economies. A man wears spectacles, or a clout on his eye, to save daylight; his shirt above his coat in the daytime, and sleeps in his coat at night, to save his shirt. It has got among the very Indians. A sachem runs with his back-side bare, to save his breeches, but wastes as much oil on his posteriors to keep them from muskitoes, as would buy overalls, or pantaloons, to hide his nakedness.

Harum Scarum, said the governor, you are an extravagant fellow in your painting; you exaggerate. I expect better things from the people, than such derangement in their ideas of policy. But, in the mean time let us take dinner.

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OBSERVATIONS.

THERE are two problems in politics, which have some difficulty in solution. The one is the power of the judiciary, to adjudge the law void on the ground of unconstitutionality.—The other is that which we have just touched upon a little, in the preceding chapters; viz. the practicability of adjusting civil controversies by arbitration.

On the first point we find a precedent in the government of the Athenian people. I shall quote from a translation of the "travels of Anacharsis the younger."

"Amidst that multitude of decrees, we see from time to time enacted with the sanction of the Senate, and the people, some there are in manifest contradiction to the welfare of the state, and which it is important not to suffer to subsist. But as they were the acts of the legislative power, it should seem that no authority, no tribunal is competent to annul them. The people themselves should not attempt it, lest the orators who have already taken them by surprise, should again mislead them.—What resource then shall there be for the republic? A law singular indeed at first sight, but admirable in its nature, and so essential as to reduce it impossible either to suppress or neglect it, without destroying the democracy; I mean the law that authorises the very lowest citizen to appeal from a judgment of the whole people, whenever he is able to demonstrate, that the new decree is contrary to the laws already established.

"In these circumstances, it is the invisible sovereign, it is the laws which loudly protest against the national judgment that has violated them; it is in the name of the laws that the accusation is brought forward; it is before the tribunal, which is the chief depositary and avenger of the laws, that it is prosecuted; and the judges by setting aside the decree, only pronounce that the authority of the people has happened to clash unintentionally with that of the laws; or rather they maintain the ancient and permanent decisions of the people against their present and transient inclinations."

On the second point, I meet with a precedent, in the same state, the Athenian, and I quote from the same book. "I cannot overlook an institution which appears to me highly favourable to these, who, though they appeal to the laws, wish not to be litigious. Every year forty inferior judges go the circuit through the different towns of Attica, hold their assizes there, decide on certain acts of violence, and terminate all processes for small sums, referring more considerable causes to arbitration.

"These arbitrators are all persons of good reputation, and about 60 years of age. At the end of every year, they are drawn by lot, out of each tribe, to the number of 44.

"Persons who do not choose to expose themselve to the delays of ordinary justice, to deposit a sum of money previous to the judgment, or to pay the fine (damages) decreed against the plaintiff, failing in his proofs, may confide their interest to one or more arbitrators nominated by themselves, or whom the Archon draws by lot in their presence. When the arbitrators are of their own choice, they take an oath to abide by their decision from which they cannot appeal; but if they are chosen by lot, they are not deprived of that resource; and the arbitrators, inclose the depositions of the witnesses, and all the documents of the process, into a box, which they carefully seal up, and transmit them to the Archon, whose duty it is to lay the cause before one of the higher tribunals.

"If the Archon has referred the matter in dispute to arbitrators drawn by lot, at the request only of one party, the adverse party has the right, either to demur against the competency of the tribunals, or to allege other exceptions.

"Arbitrators called upon to decide in affairs where one of the parties are their friends or relations might be tempted to pronounce an iniquitous judgment; in such cases, it is provided, that the cause may be removed into one of the superior courts. They might also permit themselves to be corrupted by presents, or be influenced by private prejudices: in which case the injured party has a right at the expiration of the year to prosecute them in a court of justice, and compel them to defend, and show the reasons of their award. The fear of such a scrutiny might likewise induce them to elude the exercise of these functions. But the law has provided against that by fixing a stigma on every arbitrator who when drawn by lot, refuses to perform his duty."

The idea of an action against an arbitrator for a wrong judgment, involves this, that the court above must judge of his judgment. The jury trial had not got quit of this under the shape of an attaint until the granting of new trials took place. It proves that arbitration has been brought to perfection in the present state of trial by jury, in the presence, and under the direction of the court.

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CHAPTER XIII.

A NOISE was heard coming down the town, and a cavalcade accompanying. It was Clonmel the ballad singer followed by the piper, and the blind fiddler; the one with his bag-pipes; the other with his violin. Will Watlin was along and had a bottle in his hand; Tom the Tinker, O'Fin the Irishman, the Latin schoolmaster, and a number of others. The song sung was as follows:

Come gather away to the new town,
There's nothing but lilting here,
And piping and singing and dancing,
Throughout every day of the year.
No maid that comes here but gets married,
Before she is here half an hour;
The brown, the black, or the hair red,
To live single is not in her power.

Come gather away, &c.

We get our provisions for nothing;
Just knock down a wolf or a bear,
The wear and the tear of our clothing,
A dress'd skin, or just in the hair.
No trouble, no bubble, no sweating,
Like people that live in the smoke,
We catch the fresh fish with a netting,
And roast them just under the oak.

Come gather, &c.

Our governor is a fine fellow,
Chief justice as blind as a bat;
The governor sometimes gets mellow,
And blinks himself like a cat.
No lawyers are here but a couple,
Just enough to keep up the breed,
The word of their mouth is a bubble,
And not worth a copper indeed,

Come gather, &c.

We have a fine printer, a devil,
To whack at their fees and the court,
Because that the rascals can give ill
Opinions that do us much hurt.
Good fortune, we have little money,
To quarrel, and law suit about;
So turn up the bottle dear honey,
But see that you dont drink it out.

Come gather, &c.

The air of this country is clearer,
The water is clearer by far,
The words of our wooing are dearer,
Such words as a body can spare;
When we smother the maids with our kisses,
And they smother us in their turn;
I swear by St. Patrick that this is,
The best country that ever was born.

Come gather, &c.

The lads they go out a racooning,
Or take at a squirrel, a shot,
If they knock down a fowl they are soon in,
To show what a fowl they have got.
Great shame to the Paddies below stairs,
That live in the country below,
Lie snoring, and sleeping on bolsters;
And lounging one cannot tell how.

Come gather, &c.

Up to the mountains bog-trotters;
Our shamrocks are fresh, and are green,
Set traps for your beavers and otters,
And muskrats the best ever seen.
Though I am too lazy to rough it,
And go to the waters with you.
Because I have had just enough 'f it;
Don't like to be as rich as a jew.

Come gather, &c.

Oh, what is life but a blister,
Put on we cannot tell where;
And sorrow herself is a sister,
To thinking and much taking care.
So let us be jovial and jolly,
And make out as well as we can!
Who knows whether wisdom or folly,
Makes the better or the happier man.

Come gather, &c.

The drone of the piper; the screeching of the violin, and the voices of the multitude, made such a noise that one would have thought they were in Dublin; and had it not been that Harum Scarum looking out saw what it was, the Governor would have thought of issuing his proclamation to keep the peace; but the cause being understood there was found to be no necessity, and the secretary with the leave of the Governor took a turn with them. The editor of the journal seeing this, came out. The two lawyers filed in, a pedlar, and the bog-trotter. Being all together, a new song was struck up, and the whole joined in the chorus.

WHO says we're not of all trades,
And some they call professions;
Who wear their wigs or bald heads,
Scotch, English, Irish, Hessians?

The lawyer and the journal,
Though of different calling,
And long, so like to turn all,
To tails with caterwauling.

Yet here they join in melody,
Walk hand in hand before us.
And they may go to hell the day,
They spoil the general chorus.

The bat has but its living,
No more than has the cat.
The carter with his driving,
Tis all he can get at.

The tinker lives by blowing,
His bellows in the fire;
The Lawyer lives by throwing,
His snout a little higher.

The Pedlar goes the circuit,
And carries his small pack,
The judge has harder work o't,
Impeachments on his back.

So let us all be liberal,
Let one another live.
Dick, Hary, Tom, and Gabriel,
Which ever way they drive.

The Fiddler and the Piper,
The flute and fife agree.
The boatmen or the skipper,
Tis all the same to me.

O'Fin come taste the jorum.
And Harum Scarum pledge,
And Horum Harum Horum
Will take it next I 'ngage.

Here's to the world of worthies,
That love a merry song;
Let all your topsy turvies,
Now drink and hold your tongue.

————

OBSERVATIONS.

I HAVE spoken of Thomas Paine as an uncommon, but uninformed man, The felicity of his stile, and the magic of his wit, is irresistible. Thinking all and reading little, at least, before the writings he has published, his ideas are unborrowed; but he thinks them sole, whereas the human mind had produced them all before. The same thoughts on religion or government have never been expressed with the like illusion; but they have existed in the doubts of the unbeliever; and the theories of political reformers, before his time. This philantrophist; for his vote on the sentence of Louis XVI. proves him to be such, had not sufficiently considered man's nature, and the consequence of a deracination of establishments, before he began to write his books. It is easier to destroy than to substitute. The French revolution, I presume, may have shown him the difficulty of arresting the human mind at a proper point—A book of anecdotes, and remarks illustrative of this, with the opportunities he has had, the discernment he possesses, with the originality of his expression, would have been a valuable work. I could wish him to have done this, and left the priests to themselves, who have trouble enough on their heads with the devil unassisted by Thomas Paine. He had no occasion to tell philosophers, that the discoveries in astronomy were not favourable to some of the dogmata of our theology; for it was the source of melancholy reflections with themselves; and as to the bulk of believers, that have got over it, or never got into, it is of no use; on the contrary, a great injury. For even supposing the representations of our theologists to be an illusion, why dissipate the vision? Does it not constitute a great portion of our happiness? Are those men supposed to have done nothing for the world who have raised fabricks of this kind to the imagination even upon false grounds? Has it not contributed at least to amuse in this life? It is an opiate, under pain, and eases the mind without effecting the nerves. But I know what occurs upon this. It is, that it is not taking away the opiate, but changing it. But is there no difficulty in believing any thing, after you have begun to doubt at all. It is as easy to believe that all things always were, as that they began to be. So that if you lay aside revelations, there is an end of the chapter.—When Plato read his dialogue on the immortality of the soul, all his school rose up, save Aristottle. I presume the logical mind of the youth thought the reasoning unsatisfactory.

On the subject of economies, I have touched on the administration of the general government, with what might seem a fling at the executive in the case of the reduction of the navy, &c. It was currente calamo, and more in a vein of pleasantry than certain, and correct stricture. For I am aware of the incapacity and consequent presumption, of an individual not master of reasons and circumstances, to undertake to judge of public measures, on a great scale. It is not from between decks in a vessel, that we expect to hear directions to take in sail, to give more sail, or to steer upon a wind; but from an officer on deck who has an opportunity of judging of the way which the vessel has, and what sail she carries. Carping at public measures which we do not understand is not the part of a good citizen; at the same time, unless there is a perfect freedom of thought in a government founded on opinion, those that direct the helm, will be at a loss to know the impressions which public measures give, and mistake silence for approbation. Hence oftentimes, a deceitful calm, which is succeeded by a squall, as sudden as it is destructive. I confess I was one of those who instead of diminishing our navy, was for augmenting it. But this was but the idea of an individual, far from the seat of government, and still farther from an opportunity of forming a just estimate of the policy of public measures.

————

CHAPTER XIV.

THE lay preacher having been announced by the faculty, sui compos, and come to his reason, had been dismissed from the hospital, and had come to the new settlement. This was now a kind of Botany Bay, to the old country, with this difference, that here, the outcasts came voluntarily, but there of force. The governor received the lay preacher with courtesy, and made him his chaplain. The Sunday following he preached to a numerous congregation, in a chapel in the woods. His discourse was taken down in short hand, by the editor of the "Twilight," and has appeared in his paper. As it would seem worth preserving, we have copied and given it in this work.

THE SERMON

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego: Dan. iii. 12.

These are the Hebrew names for Tom, Dick, and Harry, and applicable to this settlement, which is a colluvies of all nations: Mac's, O's, and Ap's; Erse, Irish and Welsh. But, as in a garden, a variety of seeds and plants, is desirable, so in a settlement where the human species is about to be cultivated, and this not only for the sake of what pleases the fancy, but what is useful for the kitchen, or for medicine: so let no uncharitableness prevail among you, and one cast up to the other, their origin, former occupation, or character. I presume there would be but little to gain or lose on a fair balance, and set off, as the lawyers say, among you. But it is best to consider all accounts squared, and set out in a new partnership.

It falls to the lot of my function to see what good advice I can give you, for it is by admonition only that I can serve the commonwealth. I shall leave spiritual things to my brother, the Methodist, who is as busy as a bee in a tar-barrel yonder, raising the affections, and disturbing the imagination. I shall content myself with some things merely temporal.

The sin that most easily besets a new settler, is laziness, or to give it a more civil term, indolence. He gets the means of life easily: He sets a trap over night; or, he goes out with his gun in the morning, and kills game. The flesh serves for food, and the skin for covering. The soil is fertile, and yields, some thirty, some forty, some sixty, and some an hundred fold. This just by a little stirring of the hoe. For you must know that I myself have been brought up in a new settlement, and know the history of such. Though that settlement, in which I was brought up is now an hundred miles below us, not by the sinking of the earth, but by the frontier pushing back, and settling beyond it. Indolence, I know, is a vice of that situation. For necessity is the mother of invention, and impels to labour.

"Duris in rebus urgens egestas."

Said the Latin schoolmaster,

"Improbus labor omnia vincit."

Drive out that fellow there, said the sexton. He disturbs the congregation.

The Preacher proceeded.

Now if a man can live without working, he will not work. The cattle of a settler browzes in the woods, and subsists even in the winter, without other shelter, or food, than the under-wood, and such shrubbery as covers the head of a valley, where the soil is dry and the spring rises. The wilderness obstructs the course of the winter winds, and the cabin is warm on the south side of the hill. Hence the temptation to indolence.

But there is a worse sin that easily besets the settler in a new country; these especially that settle in a town, where there is usually a tavern, a store, and a race ground for the horse jockies. This sin is intemperance. Horse jockeying, shooting matches, and all elections, are an inlet to this. Show me a man that frequents the county town much, and I will show you one that is in the way to contract a habit of intoxication. The little peltry he may have got to buy himself a hunting shirt, or a little tea and sugar, for his family, goes into the whiskey bottle.

Now to the application, said Harum Scarum, this will do for the body of the sermon.

As to application, said the preacher, I will leave that to every man to make for himself. You can all apply the doctrine as well as I can.

"Non omnia possumus omnes."

Said the Latinist.

Will not that fellow be quiet yet? said the sexton, drive him out.

By the bye, he was out already, for the woods was all the chapel that they had: and a rising ground for the pulpit; but the Sexton meant to remove him from the circle; and it was so understood; for they pushed him back to some distance.

The Governor reprimanded Harum Scarum, for his interruption, also; for though this could be considered but as a substitute for preaching, until a regular clergyman came forward, yet, in the mean time, the rules of propriety ought to be observed, and interruption or desultory dialogue was improper.

Harum Scarum asked pardon, but wished the preacher would stick a little more to his text, and illustrate the words "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego."

The Preacher said he had done that already, and would not return to it; but, as the usual time had elapsed, he would now finish his discourse.

————

REMARKS.

IT may be discovered from some things thrown out in the course of this work, that I am apprehensive of giving offence, and the reader may wonder why I should have such apprehensions. It is because I have offended oftentimes, when I had no intention of offending; and when I could not, even afterwards, conceive how the offence could be taken. In early life, admiring the beauty and manners of a young girl, I made a few verses, and presented them to her. After having read, she returned them to me, with visible anger and emotion; and said she did not know what she could have done to have deserved such treatment at my hands.

Being unfortunate in poetry, my next billet doux, some years after, to a young lady, was in prose. But the consequence was the same. It produced resentment. I could no more divine at the time, what it was that displeased, than I could conjure up a spirit from "the deep." I disdained to enquire into the cause; for in turn I was offended. But reflecting since, on the nature of the human mind, I resolve it into this, that I had attempted wit with my compliments, which was mistaken for ridicule.

There have been occasions when I had in view to try whether I had wit, but meant nothing more than a little pleasantry, and to tickle with a feather, and yet have hurt the feelings of the mind much. When at the academy, I wrote an epigram upon a classmate whom I much respected, and had no conception that it would have been more than the subject of a laugh to himself as well as others, but he ran almost mad, and I ran off. It was a fortnight before the matter could be set right, and I could return again. A like case happened to me some years since: The publisher of a gazette, applied to me relative to the publication of certain strictures on a public character, to have my opinion as to their being libellous. I told him they might not amount, in strictness to a libel; but came rather under the idea of scurrility. But, to satisfy his correspondents, who might think themselves neglected, if no notice was taken of what they had sent forward, I would throw the substance of them into a light airy dress of playfulness, and fancy, so as not to wound the man who was my friend, but make it difficult to say, whether the laugh was most at his expence, or that of others. But contrary to my expectation, it hurt much, and occasioned an assault and battery on a journalist who had copied it into his paper.

It cannot be the poignancy of any share of what may be called wit that I possess, if any faculty that I have may be so called; but it must be some peculiarity in the expression, of the effect of which, I am not myself sensible. I have not felt that I am apt to hurt in conversation, or that my words are liable to be misconstrued, and a meaning drawn from them, which was not intended. Yet certainly the same shape of thought, and turn of expression, must shew itself in common parlance. I can account for the difference on no other principle but this, that an appearance of good humour may rebut the suspicion of malevolence, which might otherwise attach itself to the allusion.

When I had written, and even printed off the first volume, which was in the course of last summer, looking over it, at some distance of time, I concluded to burn the impression. But not being near a fire, it escaped; and in the mean time, I began to consider, that it was paying but a bad compliment to the understanding of a democratic people, who are in the habit of freedom of speech, among themselves, and allow great liberties, not to say licentiousness to the press, to suspect them of being so intolerant, and so ready to take offence, when it was not meant. Hence it was that I have taken courage to write on, and thought that if it did give offence, I might as well be hanged for an old sheep as a lamb. The truth is, I had not written myself out: but, many more ideas springing up in my brain, and crowding together in a narrow compass, wanted egress, and demanded to see the light. But some of the more forward of them I have actually knocked on the head, having reason to believe that they might do more harm than good at the present time. I thought a pity of several of them, for they struggled hard to live. But, dearies, said I, you must go. It is better you should die than your father. So they went, poor things, to house themselves with the infantile images that are heard only by their plaints in the entrance of the house of night,

———Vagitus et ingens,
Infantumque animæ flentes in limine primo—

BOOK III.

————

CHAPTER I.

IN THE MANNER OF MONTAIGNE.

AFTER thinking a good deal upon what might be given as a definition of common sense; in other words, what phrase might be substituted in lieu of it; for that is what is meant by a definition: I would try whether the phrase, natural judgment would not do. Getting up a little in the world, and examining mankind, there was nothing that struck me so much, as to find men, thought eminent in a profession, seeming to want judgment in matters of knowledge, which was common to me with them. I took it for granted, that it was owing to the mind being so much employed in a particular way, that it had no habit of thinking in any other; and doubtless there is a good deal in this. For a mathematician, capable of demonstrating all the problems of Euclid; and even of inventing shorter and clearer methods of demonstration, may be incapable of comparing ideas, and drawing conclusions on a matter of domestic economy, or national concern. For though a great deal may be owing to a knowledge of a particular subject, and a habit of thinking upon it; yet as much or more depends upon the natural judgment. I will select the instance of a lawyer, because it is in that profession, that I have had an opportunity, the most, of examining the original powers of the mind. In this profession I have found those of the highest reputation of legal knowledge, and who were so, and yet were not the most successful in particular causes. The reason was, that though they had a knowledge of rules, they failed in the application of them and had not given good advice, in bringing or defending the action in which they had been consulted. Or whether the cause were good or bad, they had wanted judgment in conducting it. The attempting to maintain untenable ground; or the points upon which they put the cause, showed a want of judgment. It is the same thing in the case of a judge. The knowledge of all law goes but a little way to the discerning the justice of the cause. Because the application of the rule to the case, is the province of judgment. Hence it is, that if my cause is good, and I am to have my choice of two judges, the one of great legal science, but deficient in natural judgment; the other of good natural judgment, but of no legal knowledge, I would take the one that had what we call common sense. For though I could not have a perfect confidence in the decision of one or the other, yet I would think my chance best with the one that had common sense. If my cause was bad, I might think I stood some chance with the learned judge, deficient in natural judgment. An ingenious advocate would lead off his mind, upon some quibble, and calling that law, flatter him upon his knowing the law, and lest his knowledge of it should be called in question, the learned judge might determine for him. For there is nothing that alarms a dunce so much as the idea of reason. It is a prostrating principle which puts him upon a level with the bulk of mankind. The knowledge of an artificial rule sets him above these, and is, therefore, maintained by him with all the tenacity of distinguishing prerogative. To a weak judge, deficient in natural reason, a knowledge of precedents is indispensable. In the language of Scotch presbyterian eloquence, there is such a thing as hukes and e'en to haud up a crippled Christian's breeks; or, in English, hooks and eyes, which were before buttons and button-holes, to answer the same purpose with pantaloons or sherryvallies. Such are cases to a judge, weak in understanding; because these give him the appearance of learning, and of having made research.

But it does not follow, that I undervalue legal knowledge in a lawyer, or judge, or resolve all into common sense in that or any other profession or occupation.

I select, in the next instance, that of a physician. What can one do in this profession, without medical knowledge? And yet without good sense, the physician is as likely to kill as to cure. It is the only means that one who is not a physician himself has to judge of the skill of one who calls himself such, what appears to be the grade of his mind, and his understanding upon common subjects. We say, he does not appear to have common sense; how can he be trusted in his profession? Common sense, I take to be, therefore, judgment upon common subjects; and that degree of it which falls to the share of the bulk of mankind. For even amongst the common people, we speak of mother wit, which is but another name for common sense. Clergy wit, is that of school learning; or the lessons of science, in which a dunce may be eminent. For it requires but memory, and application. But the adage is the dictate of experience, and the truth of it is eternal, "An ounce of mother wit is worth a pound of clergy."

We speak of an egregious blockhead, and say, he has not even common sense: that is, he has not the very thing that is necessary to begin with; and which every person is usually endowed with, that has the proportions of the human form. It seems to be something bordering on instinct, and resembles it in the uniformity and certainty of its operations. It is that without which it is not worth while attempting to make a great man. What is a general without common sense—that is, natural judgment? But why talk of generals, or lawyers, or judges, or go so far from home? Where we see, as we sometimes do, the want of natural judgment, in the management of a man's own affairs, on a small scale; whether of merchandize, or of manufactures, or farming, we say that he cannot succeed; and in general, though not always, the want of success in common pursuits, is owing to inexperience, or a want of natural judgment. The quibbling in a matter of contract; the evasion of fulfilment, is a want of natural judgment. I think the poet says,

"The want of honesty is want of sense."

There can be nothing more true. And I think it is remarkable, that in those divine writings, which we call, by way of eminence, the scriptures, dishonesty is called folly; and honesty wisdom. Common sense is that degree of understanding which is given to men in general, though some are peculiarly favoured, with uncommon powers. But no man can be said to have common sense, who is a knave. For, of all things, it is the strongest proof of a want of judgment upon an extensive scale. Had I the world to begin again, with all the experience that years have given me, and were to think myself at liberty, from all considerations of duty, or obligation; yet, on the principle of self-interest, I would be honest, and exceed rather than come short, in giving all their due. For it is the adage, and as true as any of the apothegms that we hear, that honesty is the best policy. Indeed all the rules of morality are but maxims of prudence. They all lead to self-preservation; and had they no other foundation, they would rest upon this, as sufficient to support them. The discerning mind sees its interest as clear as a ray of light, leading it to do justice. Let me see any man quibble and evade, cheat or defraud, and I do not say constructively, and with a reference to a future state, but in relation to this life, and his temporal affairs, that he is unwise; that is, he wants the judgment to perceive his true interest. This is the presumption: and when knavery is found to consist with strong powers, I resolve it into defect of fortitude, or want of resolution, to be what the man must know he ought to be. The

—Video meliora proboque
Deteriora sequor——

is correct. Present gain is preferred to future good: like the child that wishes the tree cut down, that it may have all the fruit at one season. The feelings of resentment, or of love and strong passions, ambition or avarice, like tempests on the ocean take away the presence of mind, and baffle the skill of the navigator. Therefore my reasoning does not apply in cases where the passions are concerned. But in a case of dispassionate judging, as in a matter of meum and tuum, between indifferent persons; or where the question may be, by what means an object is most directly attainable, the strength of natural judgment, or common sense, shows itself. Where the crooked path is chosen, or the false conception is entertained, we say there is a want of common sense.

In throwing out these reflections of a moral nature, I refresh myself a little in the course of my memoir, and present a chapter, now and then, like an Oasis in the great sands of Africa: here the reader, like the Caravan, may stop for a little time, and taste the cool spring, or nibble a pile of grass; and go on again. In short, all other parts of my book will appear to some, a wide waste, producing nothing profitable. To them, a green spot of moral truth, now and then occurring, will reconcile to the traversing the desert; or rather, in passing the sands, will give relief. Were it not that I am afraid of lessening too much the chapters of amusement, and so losing readers, it would be more agreeable to my own mind to moralize more. But I must not forget, that it is only by means of amusing, that I could get readers; or have an opportunity of reaching the public with my lecture. This will be as it may; but it has always been amongst my apologies for this play of fancy, in which I have so much indulged my imagination.

I add a thought or two in the subject treated of in the beginning of this chapter, common sense. We find in the poet Horace, sat.I. line 66, this expression:

"Communi sensu plane caret"——

He wants common sense. The poet applies it to his own case, as what might be said of him, when at any time he had interrupted unseasonably his patron, Mæcenas, when reading, or intruded upon him when engaged in business.

"Simplicior quis, et est qualem me sæpe legentem
Aut tacitum, impellat quovis semone molestus?"

This had evinced a want of attention to circumstances, and so far, a defect of judgment. A want of discrimination, it may be inferred, is a want of common sense.

————

CHAPTER II.

A CONSIDERABLE traffic had been carried on for some time between the bulwark of the Christian religion, and the savages of North America, bordering on this new settlement. The traders of that bulwark, carried out bibles, and in return, received scalps. What use spiritual, or temporal, these savages could make of Bibles, is immaterial, as it is not the use of a thing that always gives it a value. Certain it is, that little use could be made of a bible by these people in the way of reading it. Nor if they did read it, could they understand it, without commentators to build up orthodox systems of faith, with the various points in controversy, between the catholic and protestant churches; much less those doctrines which distinguish the Calvinist, Arminian, Socinian, and other creeds. But as to the use of scalps with the bulwark, it could not be difficult to comprehend, if the use of a skin dressed in the hair be understood; which, I take it, is the case with almost all that manufacture gloves, or muffs, for the ladies in any country. Children's scalps, and the scalps of young females, were in request particularly for these purposes; and hence it was that the savages made their inroads into the settlement, attacking whole families for the sake of these; and as it was not uncommon to meet with some resistance on the part of the relations; and the young men even went so far as to shoot some of these depredators in taking off the scalps, it occasioned affrays, which at last had the appearance of national hostility, and war ensued. The savages after having made a pretty good hunt, as the phrase is, and taken scalp-peltry, retreated usually in great haste; inasmuch as they were liable to be pursued, and brought to an account for this outrage; as well as for the purpose of recovering property, which they were not always scrupulous of carrying with them, and not paying for according to the value.

Pursuing some of these, a party had gone out from the settlement, amongst whom was Teague.

The bog-trotter reflecting with himself that the savages were not likely to be overtaken, and so no great danger of fighting in the case, did not greatly hesitate to be one; inasmuch as if they should overtake these freebooters, there was such a thing as running from them, as well as after them. But after a few hours march, coming upon a trail of these, which appeared to have crossed from the settlement, in a transverse direction, the word Indians was given; which Teague no sooner hearing, than he began to retrace his steps with some alacrity. It was on a ridge or bend of a hill; the Indians crossing the hill, had gone into the valley, and come round again nearly to the place where the whites had ascended it. It happened therefore very naturally, that the Indians and the bog-trotter, though neither meaning it, had fallen in with each other; the bog-trotter on the flank of the Indians. It had been for the sake of water to boil their kettles, that these savages had gone down to the valley, and encamped the night before. Being now on their way to regain their direction, it happened that the came into the rear of the party pursuing them. The bog-trotter had by this time accelerated his speed considerably, and the declivity of the hill was such that he found it impossible to arrest himself, being under the impetus of the projectile motion which he had acquired; and seeing nothing before him but death from the tomahawk of at least sixty Indians, and nevertheless being unable to stop his career, no more than could a stone projected from the precipice, he raised the tremendous shout of desperation; which the savages mistaking for the outcry of onset, as it is customary with them when they are sure of victory, to raise the war-whoop; magnifying the shout by their imaginations into that of a large party overtaking them, they threw away their packs and scalps, and made their way towards the Indian country; not doubting but that the whole settlement was in pursuit of them.

When the party of whites came up to the brow of the hill, and saw the bog-trotter in possession of the ground and the booty, they took it for granted, that singly and alone, he had discomfitted the Indians. It was a devil of an engagement, said he; by de holy fader, I must have shot at least a hundred of dem; but de fun o' de world was to see de spalpeens carrying of de wounded on deir backs like de tiefs in Ireland dat stale shape. Tiefs of de world, why did you stay so long back and not come up to de engagement? Looking for Indians before o' your face. Spalpeens, if I had had two or tree good tight boys along wid me, when I came up wid dem, I could have kilt de whole, or made dem prisoners. Bad luck to ye, if it wasn't for de shame o' de ting upon de country, I would have a court martial upon de matter; but as to de packs and de booty, it is all my own. I had taken dem before you come up; and a devil a hand had you in de victory.

This was not dissented to, and the matter was accommodated, on its being agreed that nothing more should be said about the court martial.

Though upon a small scale this was thought a very brilliant affair of the bog-trotter. A sword was offered him, and there was a talk of making him a major general. In a republican government, the honest souls of the people are lavish of their gratitude; though they sometimes mistake the merit, or demerit of services. And how can it otherwise be when the people cannot themselves be all present to see what is done; nor, if they were present, and could see, are the bulk capable of judging in what case success is to be attributed to design or to execution; and indeed where the design and execution may have been all that human foresight and resolution could promise or perform, yet the event may have been unfortunate. Fortune de grace, applied to an individual, may be applied to measures. There is a fatality in some cases that baffles the wisest councils, and the most heroic enterprize; and again a kind of magic, or something like a charm that turns to account what in nature and the ordinary course, ought to have produced nothing but disappointment, and the reverse of what has come to pass.—Old generals are not always the most successful, because they are afraid of accident and leave too little to chance, while the know nothing, fear nothing, has oftentimes been the secret of fortunate adventure.

When it has been said that men have been taken from the plough, and put at the head of armies, it does not mean that they have been taken from drawing the plough, in the manner of oxen or other draft cattle; but that they have been taken from holding the plough, while these averia carucæ, or beasts of the plough, not liable to be distrained by the common law, drew the plough. I cannot cite an instance of those actually in traces, being cut from these, and turning out great generals; but it could not be said to be far from this in some instances. For nature is above all art, and let what will be said about discipline, a little mother wit, as in all other sciences, goes farther to make a great commander, than tactics without it. The theory of keeping the head upright, and handling the firelock, is doubtless a good lesson to begin with; and the positions of the body, and the movements of the feet, are, beyond all question, useful to be taught to the young soldier; and on these will depend facing and forming; wheeling, and flanking off with slow or quick movements. But with all this the general has little to do. It is the office of the drill sergeant, and the adjutant of the regiment, or of the subalterns and officers inferior to a general. It takes a long time to be perfect in these; but the eye that can chuse a ground, that can arrange and dispose a force, a mind that can reach the exigencies of the day with foresight, relieve and remedy unforeseen accidents, make the general. A weak mind, and slow perception, with all the tactics that can be taught, and all the lessons, from experience, that can be given, whether from reading or seeing service, can go but a little way. A military man may have Folard in his head, with all the notes that may have been written upon him, and yet be unequal to the conduct of an army; for general rules cannot in their nature be applied to particular cases; and something new in most, if not in all cases, will occur to diversify the situation, so that good sense and natural judgment, is the first thing to be considered in the appointment of one who is to conduct an expedition. But it is not an easy matter, or rather it is not possible to discover and select such with certainty, for officers, at the commencement of a war. The pressure of affairs must throw them up, as the element of air rises when terrene substances subside. A war alone can find out choice spirits to whom a command may be entrusted. For a long time merit may be obscured, and talents remain undistinguished; while even cowardice and blunders may, in a particular instance, give a temporary reputation.

Teague was spoken of as a major general, when he ought to have been dismissed the service, could the truth have been ascertained. But appearances were in his favour; for who could think that but for the most desperate courage, he would have attacked sixty or an hundred Indians—fifty or sixty, at least, it was said? For, the prisoners rescued, spoke of there being that number. These prisoners, chiefly consisting of individuals half dead, were incapable of distinguishing the circumstance of the bog-trotter, being precipitated upon their captors by an involuntary centripetal force; or the ell of despair, from that of desperate resolution. And, as their gratitude was lively for their deliverance, they yielded to no cold examination of the manner in which it was brought about. As for Teague, like Achilles, he claimed every thing for himself—

Nihil non arrogat armis.

Though but of the grade of a corporal when he went out, he now thought himself entitled to be made general O'Regan. He had at this time, certain it is, the perfect confidence of the people, who were clamorous for his appointment, and indeed he might be said to be forced upon the governor.

Teague, said the governor, in my presence you know that you are no such kill-devil as the people take you to be. This affair of yours was but matter of accident; and instead of being promoted, you ought to have been broke for it. Were you not actually running away when you fell in with the Indians?

Love your shoul, now, said the bog-trotter, that is always the way wid your honour, to make noting of de greatest battle dat was ever fought since the days of chevelry, as dey call it; or Phelim O'Neal, one of my own progenitors, who kilt a score of men wid his crooked iron; and dey were noting de wiser for it. How could I get down to de bottom o' de hill, if I hadn't jumped upon dese Indians when I saw dem, and de party of militia dat were after me, but so far behind? Had dey come up in time, de devil burn an Indian dat would have escaped, or gone to deir own country, bad luck to dem. Give me a tight little bit od an army wid me, and if I dont take de whole o' dem widin tree months at fardest, den you may say, I am not Teague O'Regan. My life for it, I will give a good account o' dem.

I thought it of little consequence, said the governor, to countenance your ambition, Teague, in being a candidate for the legislature, or in being made a judge. The one or the other of these being a province in which property only is concerned; unless, indeed, in the case of a judge, in whose way, it may come sometimes to hang a person, though a jury must be accessary to it. But it is of more moment, to put a brigade or two of lives at a time, in the power of an incompetent person. It is not your inexperience that I so much distrust; for I am well aware, that as the good constitution of a patient often saves the credit of the physician, so the bravery of troops may gain a battle, which the want of skill in the commander had put in jeopardy. But it is your natural judgment that I distrust. I have never been able to discover in you, comprehension of mind that would seem to me to fit you for a general. I have no doubt of your being capable of being made, in due time, a good parade officer; attentive to the minutiæ of dress, or movement of the body; or to wear the hat on a corner of the head; or to give words of command, such as face, march, halt, wheel, &c. in a broken sort of way, with the brogue on your tongue; but in all requisite comparing, and contriving, and reasoning, I have not a perfect confidence in your capacity. But as the people will have it so, in republican governments it cannot be avoided. Nor indeed in a monarchical government does it always follow, that the ablest men are appointed to offices. For favour, and family interest, will raise, and sometimes support, the unworthy.—But take notice that you have got a great reputation, and much will be expected of you. The smallest disappointment in the expectation of the people, will trundle you down as fast as your fears precipitated you from that hill, above the Indians, where you got a victory, or at least a pretty good booty. You think that you will be able always to stay in the rear, and send your men on before you. On the contrary, it will behoove you sometimes to reconnoitre; and in that case, you will be under the necessity of exposing yourself to sharp-shooters, and batteries: A cannon ball may take your head off, though at the distance of a mile or two. The post of danger is not always a private station. Charles the twelfth of Sweden was shot through the head with a musket ball. General Moreau was but reconnoitering when he had both legs shot off, or shot through, as he sat on his horse. This thing called grape-shot, is a disagreeable kind of article, coming about the head and ears, like flakes in a snow-storm. You may escape, perhaps, with a few bullets in your belly, or groin: or with a shoulder taken off, or hip shot away; or if a skilful operator is at hand to take off an arm, it does not always follow that a man dies, though when the brains are out, there are very few that survive it. The smoke and fire of musketry and big guns, and the hurly burly of men pushing bayonets, is nothing to the war-hoop of Indians taking off scalps; which, I take it, you would not mind much, being a little used to think about it.

Here, O'Regan put his hand to his head as if feeling whether the scalp was yet on.

By de holy faders, said he, if dis is de way of being in one of dese battles, it is a better commission to be bog-trotting wid your honor. Keep d' your papers, and give it to some fool dat will take it. I prefer de having a good warm scalp upon my head, dan all de commissions in de nation; and my legs and my arms to my body, and my body to my legs and arms. For having been so long friends, why should dey be parted, having been so long togeder, slaping in one bed, and eating at one table? Dere is de paper; tell de people much good may it do dem. Some one dat has less wit may take it. I have occasion for all de brains dat I have in my own scull. Dose dat have dem to spare, may set up shop, and sell dem for a commission, I have done wid it.

The governor being thus relieved from his embarrassment, by the resignation of the bog-trotter, took back the commission. It was a sufficient apology with him to the people, that general O'Regan, for reasons best known to himself, had thought proper to decline the appointment of major-general.

Independent of any concern for the people, which the Governor might have had, it was matter in which his own reputation was involved, to have made such a person a general officer;—not merely because a novice in military matters, but because nature had denied him talents. And though it might be a considerable time before his want of intellect, to any great extent, would be discovered; yet, unless by more than common good luck, it must, in time, appear. And when, for some blunder, he might be brought to a court martial; and, perhaps, for cowardice, be sentenced to be shot; it could not but be an unpleasant thing to him to have to approve the sentence, which he would be under the necessity of doing; and there might be no recommendation of mercy in the case.

There is something in being accustomed to hear sounds; for they affect less; and therefore amongst the ancients, an old soldier, or veteran, as he was called, could stand better the clatter of the sword upon the shield, when the armies about to engage, to use the language of the poet,

"Clash on their sounding shields, the din of war;"

The sound of the trumpet, also; and above all, the shout of battle. So it must be of use, in our time, to be accustomed to the report of artillery, or any sort of fire-arm. But, in any other respect, I do not know that a subaltern, or other officer, who, in a subordinate capacity, may have served campaigns, has much the advantage of the inexperienced; and certainly their vigor of mind and body being less than younger men, are not so for enterprize. Yet at the commencement of a war, it is usual to look out for such as have seen service. But because an officer has behaved well in a subordinate station, it does not follow that he is equal to an independent command. It has been seen in the French revolution, in how short a time men have become generals, from the lowest grades. It is on this principle that I would sooner trust a man of good sense, who had never seen a battle, with the conduct of troops, than one who had seen the campaigns of half a century, without powers of mind. Inattention to this truth, is a great error, and the cause of much disaster to a young people.

O'Regan was no more fit for a general than my horse; but as I have said, it was not from his want of information and experience in military affairs; but from the actual want of sense in the man. And great credit is due to the governor, for managing matters so, as by an address to his fear, to make it his own act to decline the honour; when, not to have appointed him in the first instance, or to have superseded him afterwards, would have been a thing so unpopular, that it would have shaken his own standing to have attempted it. There is nothing so difficult as to manage the public mind. It must be done by the lever, or the screw, or other mechanical power; to speak figuratively, and not by direct force.

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CHAPTER III.

I HAVE been led to wonder sometimes, how it happens, that Lucian, when he represents the shade of a departed hero, as coming to the banks of the Styx, and being liable to have demanded of him the naulon, or ferry money, does not represent him, sometimes, as pleading an immunity from the payment; and this on the score of having been so good a customer, sending down from his various battles millions of souls to Erebus. What might not Julius Cæsar have alleged on this ground, and other conquerors, who had filled the ferry for years, with souls of men slain by them? It would seem but reasonable, to claim the privilege of going free themselves. In this vein of thinking I have been led to imagine to myself, the present king of Great Britain, George the third, when carried down by Mercury, and about to be put on board the boat, as alleging a dispensation on this account. For it is Mercury that is represented by the mythology, as compelling them, not like a flock of goats, with a marsh-mallow—

"Hedorumque gregem compellere hybisco;"

but with his wand, according to the poet,

"Tu pias lætas animas reponis
Sedibus, virgaque levem coerces
Aurea turbam"—

And as to putting in the boat, the following may be also cited,

"Sors exitura, et nos in eternum
Exilium impositura cymbæ."

His British Majesty is represented, as practising an economy rather bordering upon meanness, for the sovereign of so wealthy a people, and of so great a revenue which comes to him as king, or is allowed to him by the parliament. But it may be pleaded for him as matter of excuse, or perhaps justification, that he has so large a family to provide for. And had he come down to the ferry boat without the ferriage; or with it, but willing to save a penny, he might have said, or Mercury, who is the god of eloquence, might have said for him—

"Charon, you ought not to charge the ferry-money for the transportation of this shade, who has put so much in your way by the souls he has sent down so prematurely to Orcus. For though you might have got them all in due time, without his sending them, yet the dispatching them at an early period, gave you the money sooner; and this put to interest would, by the time of their natural death, have amounted to a large sum. It is very possible you may not have known by whom those immense crowds that have come down for fifty years were sent; not being in the habit of interrogating every one; and, unless in the case of some remarkable ghost, scarcely taking notice of them, farther than to receive the obolus which they are obliged to pay. Have you not found a great rise in the profits of your ferry for half a century past, from the numbers of dead that have come to your boat? The thing speaks for itself: for do I not see the number of pretty little seats you have along the banks of the Styx, within these few years? I cannot tell what stock you may have in the funds; but I would presume not a small sum. But it is immaterial how you may have laid it out—realized it, or put it in the funds, or drank it, as you watermen are apt to do; or spent it a-shore in some other way. This I know, that the sums have been immense that you must have received; having had the driving down of the souls of the defunct to Erebus; and though I keep no book, nor do I understand that you do, yet taking things in the bulk, I am persuaded from memory and recollection, that the multitude could not have amounted to less than fifty millions that have been sent by this man. St. George of Christendom, one of the seven champions, and who must have crossed over at your ferry long ago, did not send you many, because his killing, or dead-doing was chiefly of dragons, whose souls, if they have any, do not come this way. But this George, of the same name and country, except a few sheep of his own raising, has butchered little or nothing but of the human species; and in this way he has done good service to our regions; stocking them abundantly with shades young and old. For having savages for his allies, who murder infants, he has cut off many in their earliest years. For we consider as done by him what he sanctions; according to the law maxim, which I have heard quoted in the court of Radamanthus,

"Qui facit per alium, facit per se."

For, to explain the matter to you, Charon, you are not to understand that this George did himself hack and kill, but—

Here, Charon might interrupt and say, "Mercury, you are making a long speech, like some of your lawyers in the upper country, or from thence that have come here; and would seem to have cheek-wind in abundance: but I have no time for this lee-way; hoist anchor and cast off; no copper, no boating; the shade must stay, or go to hell himself, I cannot be delayed in carrying over the other ghosts."

From what is said, I am unavoidably led to make reflections, viz. that it could have been but to amuse himself that Mercury made this speech; or rather it is to amuse others, that I suppose Mercury to have made this speech; because it is as fixed as fate that the copper must be paid, and no consideration in the case of the individual, can excuse or dispense with this perquisite of Charon's from the dead. I admit that if the being the occasion of great profits to the ferry, could entitle any one to pass themselves, no one could have a better claim to this indulgence than his present majesty, king George the third of England. I should like to see, by some one who had a statistical talent, a calculation of what number of men, women and children must have perished by the sword in the course of his reign, saying nothing of scalping, but just accounting for the dead, as if they had their scalps on, and had not been put to death by the allies of the British nation. For though I do not know that king George ever had his spurs on, much less rode a horse into battle; but rather think he never actually killed, perhaps a fly, yet I attribute to himself and ministry, perhaps himself chiefly, the greater part of the bloodshed that we have had in the eastern and western world for half a century. Commercial avidity and love of gain, have been at the bottom of all our wars; and these have sprung mainly from the policy of Great Britain. She may grin and bear it; but I must pronounce this sentence upon her councils, though born in her island, and strongly attached to her real interest, and to all the lustre of her reputation in literature, and in the arts. I see her conduct from a different point of view on the shores of the Delaware, or from the banks of the Ohio, than can be seen from those of the Thames, or the from the Frith of Forth, or of Clyde. But not to involve myself in general speculation, I confine myself to the wars waged with these States; and if future historians do not say that these were unjust on the part of that island, I have never been capable of discrimination in the right and wrong of things. That resistance on our part was at least just, I will contend: for how else could I reconcile it to myself to celebrate our victories, as some do who affect to think, or really do think, our cause bad? And yet there is this inconsistency in men's mouths: for there are those who speak of our achievements by land or sea, where we have been successful, as the deeds of heroes; and yet of our cause as unjust, which must make it murderous to have contended. For an officer may resign, when an unjust war is declared; and ought to resign, and refuse to be accessary to the homicide which it occasions. With what conscience, then, can a man, opposed to war generally, or to a particular war, from the grounds of it, allow praise to those concerned in it? It will be said, he may praise the valour of the soldier, but arraign the case in which he has fought. There would be the same reason in the case of Barrabas, a murderer and robber amongst the Jews, who deserved crucifixion. His resolute acts may have discovered bravery, and have been thought to deserve praise. No: if I did not think the cause of a nation just, I should join in no celebration of its victories; or in giving dinners to commanders by sea or land that had fought in it. Much less would I loan, or vote money in a public capacity for carrying it on. For that must be the height of wickedness. Let all men retire from trust, military or civil, that do not approve of the national declaration; and let them do no more than what, as citizens, they are by the laws of society compelled to do. But I hold it, that no man, contrary to the national sense and declaration of opinion, has a right to speak, or publish that a war is unjust, let him think what he may; but this would lead to a legal discussion, which I am not disposed to enter on at present; but which I could undertake to establish in due time and place. Such speeches and writing must come under the head of sedition; and though we have no act of congress at the present time making it indictable, yet at common law, and under state jurisdiction, I can have no doubt, but that such speaking and publishing would amount to a misdemeanor; a circumstance of which some would not seem to be aware.

As to all war being unlawful, it is but the opinion of a subdivision of the Christian denomination, founded on the taking in a literal sense, what was spoken in a figurative, by the author of our religion. But, that a war of ambition, or springing from the love of gain, is murder, I can entertain no doubt. It is chargeable, as homicide, upon that prince or country, who wages it unnecessarily, or without just provocation.

What hinders to intersperse general principles of philanthropy in a work, the general object of which is to restrain ambition, and false sentiments of men, by parable and apothegm to the contrary?

The above paragraphs, in this third edition of this work, are written flagrante bello, with the British king, who may not be answerable for this particular war, being in legal language a lunatic. But, independent of this war, he had more to answer for in the former war for independence, and he had his Indian allies in that war, and he has left them to his son the Prince Regent, in this.

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CHAPTER IV.

THE people were the more reconciled to the circumstance of not getting the bog-trotter appointed a major general, inasmuch as there ceased to be an occasion for one. The Indians humbled by their late overthrow, were disposed to treat; and the settlement having collected a few blankets, were willing to part with these, to save their scalps. An Indian treaty was held, to which Teague was commissioner, and being told that he was the warrior who had discomfited them, they were the more disposed to listen to his terms. There were Red Jacket, Blue Jacket, Yellow Jacket, Rattle Snake, Terrapin, Half Moon, and Half King, on the part of the Indian nations. The bulwark of the Christian religion, underhandedly, by means of traders who passed for Indians, having assumed their dress, and could speak something of their language, secretly opposed the treaty; but with the aid of a few kegs of whiskey, it was carried against them.—The hatchet was buried deep, and an oak tree, figuratively speaking, was planted on it. The chain was brightened, meaning the chain of friendship. The whites were called brothers, and belts of wampum were spoken from; and the usual ceremonials of a treaty gone through, when the Indians returned to their own country, apparently satisfied with what was done.

The bog-trotter was in his element in the transactions of this treaty, drinking whiskey, and shaking hands with the Indians. It was not to be wondered therefore that his popularity increased. But a very extraordinary circumstance gave a new direction to his mind, and put him upon another scent. A camp-meeting was shortly after held upon the very ground the Indians had quitted. The nature of this convention is well known in our times; but for the sake of posterity, it may not be amiss to give some idea of it. The inhabitants collect even from a great distance, and carry provisions with them, and baggage wagons. They encamp usually in a wood near a stream of water, for days together; forming this assemblage for the purposes of religion; exercising their minds, and in proportion, their bodies, all at once, and in expectation that by mutual sympathy, their zeal may be increased, and their devotion rendered more fervent. Certain it is, that this assembling has the effect of agitating the mass greatly. Convulsive gestures and gesticulations are symptoms of a mind conceiving new ideas. Shouting, falling down, and tumbling are concomitants of a reform, and an evidence of a right conception of things. The more extravagant the actions, the surer signs of being in the true faith. Philosophers, and some physicians, think it a disease of the mind, and call it an epidemic phrenzy. Be that as it may, whether Teague was caught with the contagion, or by his natural sagacity saw that it attached attention to the individual who appeared to be most moved, and projected from his proper positions, he did not hesitate to participate in this tumult.—This brought him into great account with the religious, and the preachers pronounced him one of the converted.

The governor considered all this as but madness and fanaticism, yet he did not discourage the bog-trotter in his freaks; nor interfere with the people in their visions, and extacies; knowing that the phrenzy after a time will always dissipate, and the subjects of it come to their right reason. His ideas on the subject of religious toleration were correct; and though he disapproved of founding religion in passion, it being a thing of reason, judgment, and habit, yet he had seen that by directly opposing this error of the understanding, the pride of the multitude is enlisted in its service. He offered to make Teague his chaplain, since he had taken this religious turn; provided he would cultivate rational ideas, and study a sober system of divinity, the body of which would be morality, and would lead to the practice. For, in his opinion, it was but a spurious, or, as a scholar would say, a pseudo-religion, that did not make a man more temperate, and more just. I incline a good deal to his way of thinking. But there are others who entertain different notions. I admit that a Boanerges may do something towards rousing the attention of a rude multitude; or of an uncultivated individual; and this by a loud voice, and alarming representations of the consequences of a vicious course in this world, or that to come; but mere noise and tumult conveys no ideas; and the effect cannot be lasting, and the reform produced, permanent. For which reason I place religion in the understanding; though doubtless the hopes and fears of the human mind may be considered passion: and so far as this goes, I agree that in planting religion in the heart, we are to pray in aid of the passions. But the truth is, I incline to think, with those who consider all religion as but the cultivation of good habits; and this from the consideration of present convenience, and future happiness. I say present convenience; because there cannot be a deviation from virtue, without bringing with it a degree of punishment to the individual, even in this life. And if there is a future state, which philosophers may doubt, but cannot avoid hoping for, the condition of an individual must take its complexion from what has been done here. But I do not say that every good deed receives its full proportion of reward here, nor every evil deed, its correspondent degree of punishment. For the strongest argument from natural reason in favour of a future state, is that this is not the case in this life: and therefore there must be another, as making things equal. But I would sooner take my chance with the conscientious moralist, than with the rapturous enthusiast, who has more sail than ballast in his devotion. "Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly," I take to be the religion of reason, as it is of revelation, and to that I hold. As to making Teague chaplain, I have no idea that the governor was serious, but merely suggested it, in order to divert his mind from military promotion, and from his tumbling, and casting somersets at camp-meetings.

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OBSERVATIONS.

IT will not be understood from what we have said in a preceding chapter of this work, that bibles were exchanged, or given in barter, eo nomine, for children's scalps, or those of grown persons, by the mother country of Great Britain. But the truth is, we mean to caricature the inconsistency of calling this nation the "bulwark of our religion," while at the same time she acknowledges as allies the savages who are in the habit of taking scalps. Doubtless, I distinguish the bible societies, as they are called, associations of the purest benevolence, amongst that people, from the government itself, by whom these allies are acknowledged, and their mode of warfare of course sanctioned; but it is a distinction that a foreign nation is not bound to make; nor, in fact, can make. For transactions emanating from a people, whether of a part or of the whole, and falling upon another society, is felt as the act of the whole. But it is not inconsistent in these societies, to be sending bibles and missionaries to teach and inculcate creeds, amongst savages, whilst these savages are at the same time acknowledged by the government, a part of which the people are who constitute these associations, to be allies, and subservient with them in the war which they carry on? Why do they not send their bibles and missionaries to the Prince Regent and his council, and not to savages, amongst whom they will be as little read as by the bears and the wolves of the wilderness, to whom they might just as well be dispersed? For until a savage is civilized, and is brought to cultivate the soil, and have a fixed residence, he differs in nothing from the wolf or the bear, as to any possibility of implanting systems of faith, or truths of religion.

Do we hear of any of these bible associations in Great Britain, remonstrating with the government of their country, against the practice of employing savages to kill and scalp individuals? Not a word is said by any of them, that I hear of, against the suspending a scalp with the speaker's mace in the government house of Upper Canada. Silence in this case, and under these circumstances, may be considered as approving. Are any of the good and religious people of Birmingham and Manchester, who forge steel, and manufacture scalping knives, members of these associations, or do they contribute to their funds? If so, it manifests a strange inconsistency in the human mind, not to reflect that the selling a scalping knife, or tomahawk, and the bestowing a bible, makes the act a felo de se, and destroys the whole effect of the charity. I could wish they would send Castlereagh a bible, if it would do him any good. So that my burlesque does not all affect the good intentions of the donors in the propagation of the gospel amongst heathens; but the fruitlessness in the effect, while they are of a body from whom they cannot be distinguished as independent, who show by their acts, a disposition of mind in the very face of all that is inculcated by Christianity, which is peace and good will to man.

It was always a matter of astonishment to me to hear it suggested, that this war in which we are engaged with Great Britain was unjust. The fabrication of a single scalping knife in their island, and sending out for the inhuman purpose of Indian murder, and excoriation, was a just cause of war. But was it expedient to invade Canada? Was it a measure of defence to interpose between these armourers and the savages, who used the arms? An answer to this question will solve the problem. It is not for the butchers of the island that her manufacturers forge scalping knives—for these knives are crooked and of a peculiar configuration; and the tomahawks are formed with pipes in the pol, which show the face of the hatchet to be for the use of the savage. Shame to the name of civilized man, much more a Christian people, that such things should be done.

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CHAPTER V.

AS we are on the eve of a republican government in this new settlement; or rather we have a chaotic government, that may in due time be reduced to a republic, it behooves us to consider a little what are its evils, and the causes of its overthrow. Laying aside those which are common to all governments, and amongst these the incapacity of those that govern, it would seem, in a greater degree than perhaps any other, that in a republican government, fault is found with those that govern; and weakness, or wickedness is imputed even to the wisest measures. And this on the plain principle of self-love; because every man covets distinction, and is ambitious of power; and where the government is by representation, all cannot have office at the same time.—Hence it is, that those out cannot be those in; for that would be a contradiction in terms, and in the nature of things. For it is a quality of matter that two bodies cannot be in the same place, at the same time. How otherwise can the body that is out, be in, but by removing the opposing body that is in possession of the place? But where we have to do with mind, it is not by the effect of material force that this can be accomplished. Laying the shoulders to, will not answer the purpose; nor will a baton or stick compel the giving way. It must be by the force of opinion. Hence obloquy and defamation in the election; and when that is gained, no qualification for the trust, or virtue in office is to be allowed to the successful candidate. The great moral of this book is the evil of men seeking office for which they are not qualified. The preposterous ambition of the bog-trotter, all points to this. But there is another evil, as I have said, the detraction from even the good qualities of those in power, and the denying credit even to the prudent acts of an administration. The divines tell us; at least the divines of some denominations, that even the good acts of bad men have in them a motive which turns them to sin. As two parties, therefore, must unavoidably exist, in every government of the people, the ci-devant or ex-representatives, with those who have not yet been representatives, on one side, and the present incumbents on the other, a continual war must be carried on; the true motive and object kept out of view. I have thought sometimes of putting, in plain language, what those on the outside the house, looking in, would say, were they to speak out, to those congregated within the building. I mean, were they to speak without dissimulation of the motive, and the object. Let us suppose the opposition convened, and if they could be kept from sticks and stones, and use their tongues only, without prevarication, would not their oration be somewhat in the following vein and tenor.

"You seem to be pretty well lodged, good folks, and have got a pretty decent house over your heads; while some here are obliged to stand without, that are perhaps not less deserving than yourselves; and amongst these not a few who know what it is to sleep in-doors, and to partake of the hospitality of the government. You take it hard at our hands, that we do not approve of a single act that you do, or of a single measure that you take. It does not suit us to approve; because our object is to get you out. If the man at the helm steers N. by W. we say it should be N. by E. And so through all the 32 points of the compass, should he vary his course accordingly. If he should be steering a course directly S. we would arraign him for a fool, to attempt to steer in the wind's eye; and if he should alter his course a point or two, we would exclaim that he was steering in the wind's eye still; for the wind has changed. Bear away, luff up, it is still wrong. Do you not see breakers ahead? we will say. And when he puts about the ship, the breakers will be on the other side; and this, though in the middle of the ocean, where no lee-shore can be found. The secret of opposition is to find fault with whatever may be done. If there is really fault to be found, the matter is easy. Every dunce may enlarge upon this. But where the measure is a dictate of prudence, and the result of consummate wisdom, hic labor, hoc opus est. It will require more talents, or at least more industry, to make it appear bad policy, and defeat it. Even if it should succeed, no credit is to be given. For though it happened to hit, yet upon the whole it was a mischief from the bad consequence that will follow. You talk of candour.—Where was your candour when we were in? Was it not by exciting clamour against even the wisest measures that you got the people on your side, and put us out? You have the good sense to pursue the very measures, in some instances, which you exclaimed against. But you say that the evil cannot be corrected all at once; or it would cost more to undo what was done, than to let it stand as it was. Is this candour? The fact is, all idea of candour is out of the question. It is your places that we want; we care nothing about your measures. The better they are, the worse for us; and we are, on that very account, the more disposed to find fault.

"You will say, we are not good citizens. But, we are good partizans. There is a wheel within a wheel in all governments; and it is the inner wheel that those out of power have to work; and not the outer wheel. You that are in power have to turn that; and it is our part to stop it if we can. "Stop the wheel of government," means the outer wheel; for the inner wheel never stops. It always goes a contrary way to the outer wheel; or, to speak mathematically, moves in a contrary direction; but not that the movers mean to stop the outer, altogether; but so to impede the movement, that the machine in the hands of those that seem to have the direction of it, may appear useless, or defective in its operations.

"You talk of our invective, scurrility, &c. &c. &c. Are there not such things as stink-pots on board vessels? It is not against the laws of war to use these. At least it is not against the practice of nations; and it is the practice, that makes the law; the usage of nations. The practice of our editors of papers, and of yours, is what sanctions what might otherwise be called abuse; for the very nature of personal abuse, is changed into the contrary by use. A dictionary of hard terms, might be composed out of the gazettes, to suit a particular party; but without sensible variation might serve all. It is a desideratum in political literature, that we have not such a book, for the use of schools. It might be made out of the newspapers; not that this would hinder the adding to the language, new terms; for speech is not made from dictionaries; but dictionaries from speech.

——sic valet usus
Quem penes arbitrium est, et norma loquendi.

"New terms of reproach will at all times spring up, and old die. This, the poet, speaking of all languages, correctly states,

Nedum sermonum stet honos, et Gratia vivax,
Multa renasscenter quæ jam cecidere cadentque
Quæ nunc sunt in honore vocabula.

"Nothing offends a Frenchman so much as to be called foutre; or an Englishman to be called a John Bull. The nation is called John Bull; but that is a generic term; but when applied to the individual, is not so well taken.

"The art of blackguardism, notwithstanding its cultivation in these states, may be said, like many other arts and sciences, to be yet but in its infancy. Invention is rather a gift, than an acquired faculty; nevertheless it is improveable; and much might be done by skilful tutors, taking youth from their early years, especially such as may have had the advantage of a good family education, in this way. It is observable, that editors from foreign countries have distinguished themselves in this species of logomachy; not owing, as some allege, to a superiority of genius, or greater aptitude in acquiring languages; but to the progress they had already made, before they left their mother countries. It is altogether a prejudice of Buffon and others, to lay it down that the human species, as well as other productions of the new world, are inferior in kind, to those of the old. It is neither so in size or intellect. Give us time, and opportunities, and we need not despair of producing party writers of a mammoth size in all the defamation by word, or thing of which we have had imported specimens, from the other side the water. If you wish to avoid the artillery of such, take our advice, and resign. We have no ill will to you, more than we have to a turkey-buzzard, but because you are in our way. At least, let us take turns, in doing public service; not at the pump; for though it is our business, under the present circumstances, to pronounce the ship leaky and ready to sink, yet we do not think that she is precisely in that condition, notwithstanding your bad management; and we are willing to take her under our direction, even in her present state. The honour and the profit are both in favour of those who are officers, and have the command. But as for you, out, you shall go; we do not mean out of the ship, but out of your offices and emoluments. Our party must be in; and that is the short and the long of the whole matter. If you do not go below deck, we will blow up the ship; not one of you shall go aloft till we have command."

This would be the language, doubtless of the open hearted, and plain spoken. But as men row one way, and look another, it is not so well calculated to effect the purpose, as indirect attack. It is not those themselves that are in possession that are to be addressed, but those that put them there; or at least assisted for the time being. It is in vain, to try to persuade a man himself that he is in an error, because he enjoys a benefit; but there are those who may be brought to believe this, who are not so much, or at least so immediately interested in the matter.

I feel myself disposed to bring this book to a conclusion; not that I have said a thousandth part of what I have to say, but because I wish to ly by a while until I see what effect what I have said, may have upon the community. I do not mean as to any approbation of the work, for that is of little moment; but what reform it may work in morals and manners of the people. It is for them that I labour, though perhaps they may little thank me for it.

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CHAPTER VI.

WE have seen that a sort of constitution had been formed; or rather government constituted; for the Captain had been chosen Governor, and the blind lawyer appointed chief justice. A sense of self-preservation had led to this. For it had been found, that in a situation of things approaching to a state of nature, the weak were a prey to the strong, and oftentimes, among the strong, there was much wrong done, not being sufficiently afraid of each other, when the corporal powers were nearly equal; and, until it had been ascertained which had the mastery, much maiming had prevailed. It had been customary for individuals so leagued together, to defend themselves; and there was much gouging and biting on both sides, when a contest of the few had arisen. Settlement against settlement was pitted; and district against district, oftentimes with much battery, and blood-shed. Calling out for help was usual amongst the combatants, and it was accounted dishonourable not to interfere, by those not engaged.

An honest man walking home one evening, and, whether from intemperance or sleep, nodding as he walked, which being mistaken by a ram for a menace, he was butted, as the phrase is, and overthrown, calling out, "is there none of the down county boys here?" This may serve to give an image of the state of society at this period. It will serve still more to illustrate this, when I relate the following anecdote. A lawyer, or at least one who called himself such, of small stature, and delicate structure of body, being applied to by a client, who having no money, but being of a strong body, offered to do all his fighting for him; that is, for the pettifogger.—That will not do, said the wary advocate; for you may not be at hand always to protect me, from an insult, much less from assault; but if you will permit me on some occasion to overpower and beat yourself, that is, to seem to do it, as your prowess is incontestible, it will secure me ever after; for no one will molest me. It was agreed; and a sham battle being fought, the advocate, as was agreed upon, got the better. But the whole coming out in due time, when the laws began to be established, the bruiser, as he had been called, prosecuted the advocate; who pleaded son assault demense, and relying on the maxim, volenti non fit injuria, he was acquitted; and on the civil action, no damages were found against him.

It was on this principle, and in this state of things, that the Captain had been elected governor. For, coming to the settlement, attended by his posse, Will Watlin, Tom the Tinker, Harum Scarum, and O'Fin the Irishman, a damp was struck upon the hearts of the insurgents in different places, which the people seeing, recurred to this new power for safety. Will Watlin having pulled up a grub, and entering the town, called it a switch, as I have seen represented on the stage in some dramatic composition; the people thinking that if it was a switch, what would his baton or cudgel be? O'Fin the Irishman had, in fact, entered with a log on his shoulder, which he called his shilelah, and threatened death and destruction to all that came his way. Harum Scarum had a branch of an oak tree, which he trailed after him; and Tom the Tinker approached with a club, which he called his hammer. It was much larger than the club of Herculus is painted, and though he had not the strength to wield it with equal ease; yet, poised upon his right shoulder, it had the appearance of a weapon that would do much execution. Teague, the bog-trotter, though with great difficulty, drew after him a piece of a pine log, which he said he had been tired wielding, and knocking down people with. The Captain had a staff, not as large as a weaver's beam, but far surpassing the size of a common walking stick. From these appearances, there had been no resistance made; and in due time the country thought it advisable to put themselves under the protection of persons whose object it seemed to be to keep the peace, and maintain the laws. The Captain had been chosen Governor. But in writing the chapter of the last book of this work, I had run over a great space without entering into the detail, or minutiæ of events.—For that, and no other reason, it may appear to want verisimilitude of incidents to support the probability of the narrative.

"Premiere de Rois etoit un soldat hereux,"

Says Voltaire: and though it may be disputed whether knowledge is power, yet no one can deny, but that wattles and hearts of oak have a great tendency to procure submission.

But the Captain himself was uneasy under this usurped authority; and the people began to talk of his resembling Bonaparte. There were those who threw out hints that he had an understanding with that emperor. It was much agitated in beer-houses, whether he was not under French influence. He denied it, and stood to it, that he had no correspondence with the tyrant. Is it possible, said he, that I could have much attachment to Bonaparte, who has no attachment to me? For I am well persuaded that he has never heard of me; nor can he possibly regard what government, or kind of government, I have over a few raggamuffins assembled, or rather scattered, in a distant quarter of the globe. It is true, I did happen, coming along, to speak a few words of French, at least they told me it was French, which I had got from a parlez vous, a carrier, that spoke a certain lingo to his horses; because being used to his vocabulary, they understood no other language; but it was in the most perfect simplicity of mind; and I am not sure that it was French that I did speak; or rather that he spoke; for what I said was in imitation of certain sounds, rather than words of his, as I could catch them from the rapidity of his pronunciation. But why need there be a noise made about it? I am ready to lay down my oak stick, which has been the badge of my government, whenever any one of you chooses—Let it be laid down.—And with that he flung it across a potato patch as far as he could throw it. Now, there it is, said he, and you are a free people: but what are you the better for that; was it not to keep you from having broken heads that I took up the government? You talk of Bonaparte usurping the government—what government did he usurp? Had not the people of France found out that there was no government, and could be none short of a despotism? The constitution of 1791 had given way: that of 1793 had gone to the tomb of the Capulets. Was there not one of 1795? If so, it had also gone. The only two of the directory that had any talents, or integrity, Barthelemi, and Carnot were deported to Cayenne. The better part of the council of 500, and of the council of ancients, I mean the best men of these bodies, were carted in iron cages to the sea shore, and sent off in frigates. Could there be said to be any freedom at this time? What was it that induced Abbe Sieyes, and other wise men who had been tired of making constitutions, to send for Bonaparte to Egypt to take the helm of the state vessel? For, pursuing the figure, when the vessel is at the mercy of the waves, tost and ready to run upon the breakers, is it usurpation to take the helm, and steer her in safety? Comparing small things with great, myself to Bonaparte, did I usurp any authority, when you yourselves called upon me, being at loggerheads, to take the government? But as I have more concern for you, than you have for yourselves, I will retain it a little, with a view to preserve order and regularity among you until you get a constitution, if by that means you can secure your liberty.

This speech being ended, it was agreed to consider of a constitution.

It was debated in the beer-houses, whether a despotism was not the best; or the continuance of the present constitution. But it was carried nemine contradicente, that something new should be adopted. It was agitated how a republican government should begin. Doubtless, it was answered, by a convention of the people. It was asked, how should that convention be brought about? It was answered, in the same mode, and by the same means, as what is called a camp-meeting: this is a gathering of fanatics, of which we have seen examples in almost all parts of the United States. But would there not be danger of the same tumblings, and jumpings, and contortions of body, and agitations of mind, as at those congregations? No: because the female part of the society would be excluded. These are not only convulsionists, but the cause of convulsions, and ecstacy of vision. Keep these away and the meeting might be kept sober, unless indeed spirituous liquor was introduced. And when serious business was on the carpet, this might be excluded, allowing a few days of intemperance, in the manner of the ancient Germans, before the council had begun.

It was agreed that a general warning should be given to meet under bushes, and tree-tops, by such a day, not in conclave or divan, but in a general convention of the people, to deliberate on the frame of a constitution. But were they all to convene, every male, of whatever age, embracing infantia, which ends at the age of seven years; pueritia, which terminates at 14; adolescentia, which lasts until that of twenty-one years; or juventus, which may be considered as ending at the age of thirty-five; or the virilis ætas, which is complete at twenty-eight, and lasts the whole life of man? Senium, or old age, commences at fifty-seven. Was this age to be excluded by reason of imbecility, from the deliberations of perfect men?

Another question arose, was every man that wore a head, tag, rag, and bob-tail, to assemble and have a vote? In contemplation of law, at the formation of our republic, it must be so. And though, in fact, it never was the case, yet the principle stands immovable, and all must be supposed to have a voice. "We, the people," admits of no exclusion. But are people to be admitted that have no understanding? Who can undertake to say of another that he wants sense? Intelligence cannot be weighed by the pound or ounce, or measured by the ell or the perch. Who is to make the selection from the mass? It was agreed, therefore, that all who chose to meet, should convene. Advertisements to this effect were put in the gazette, having a journal or public paper in town; and cards and hand-bills were affixed upon trees and barn doors, and chalked upon fence rails, and those who could not write, proclaimed with the voice, the general assembling of the people.

The day came, and the hills were covered. Those upon the low grounds shouted up to their superiors on the hills; and the hills vociferated to those below. But great confusion ensued, by interruption and discussion. Some order became necessary, and the reducing the multitude to a smaller compass; but this could not be done, until a part wearied out, and wanting food, departed to their homes. There were but about a score of persons remaining when the next day appeared.

Having taken some refreshment of food, these set about the business. But half asleep, they were incompetent, and had to take a nap before they could renew the task which they had undertaken. It was not debated, whether these present could be considered as representing those that were absent. This was plain: for all had had an opportunity, and might have attended if they would.

The question was now agitated, should they have a constitution? Upon this there was a diversity of voices. Said an honest fellow, what have we to do with a constitution? Why form one? Will we stick to a constitution, when we have made it? A constitution is like a nose of wax; it is twisted by the party that is predominant. It might not, however, be unadvisable to have some outline of a constitution; some groove within which to move, some shape and form of the machine of government. If the people cannot all convene, or if they do convene, cannot act without confusion, as the late experiment had abundantly evinced, it would be necessary to have some means of reducing them to a narrower compass. Let there be primary assemblies, meetings of the people in particular districts, and let these elect and send representatives to a secondary. Let these secondary assemblies select from among themselves, and depute to an ultimate body, who shall from time to time meet and frame laws. Judicial officers must exist distinct from the legislature; executive distinct from both. Who shall appoint these officers, and in what manner shall it be done, must require some designation, or rule laid down. The nature of the government itself must be determined on; at least some name must be given it, whether it shall be called a republican government, or an aristocracy, or monarchy.

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CHAPTER VII.

UNDER the existing constitution, the patronage of the governor was considerable. This very thing which at first view would seem to be a ground of his security, was the cause of much uneasiness, and constant opposition to his administration. For not in one case out of ten did he make an appointment, but some concerned became enemies. The one appointed was an enemy, because his appointment was not as good as he had expected; and the others of the community were dissatisfied, because he got any appointment at all. For there was not one who did not think himself better entitled, at all events, better qualified. Some were vexed because they had not been chosen governor themselves, and no appointment would have satisfied them. There was a weaver amongst these who had pretensions to the chair, and raised a clamour against the constitution, thinking that in the confusion that would ensue, things being once more put into hotch-pot, he might renew his chance for the office of chief magistrate; that, having failed to be put in nomination under existing circumstances, he might have better luck under a new arrangement. A second chance he would have at all events, and it might be more favourable in the result; inasmuch as the very bustle he was making in the affair of the new constitution, would bring him into great notice, and increase his popularity, there being now an indifferent mass of citizens who were dissentients from the same motives with himself, and might promise themselves something from the confusions of affairs. But the proposition of a new constitution as being less alarming to the bulk, was suggested under the idea of an amendment. For the revolutions in France about this time had created some alarm, at the idea of changing rapidly all at once from one constitution to another. But who was there who could have any reasonable apprehensions of risk of danger from an amendment? But it being thought advisable to specify some amendments in order the better to bring about a convention, there was no one that had not the sagacity to find out some things that might be put on a better footing than they had been. As for instance; the weaver seemed to think that the price of weaving ought to be raised; and that no customer should hereafter find fault with the work done; and that he should pay for it as soon as it was done.

All this seemed reasonable, especially as the cordwainer, and the brick-layer, could easily see that in the course of the deliberation, it would naturally take a wider range, and introduce a clause providing for them also. For though not by name in the first instance; yet all occupations would be virtually included and enjoy the advantage of the like reform. It had become a cry pretty much prevailing, that the sitting of the people should be permanent, and the constitution revolutionary; so that whenever, and wherever, the shoe was found to pinch, it might be altered.

Amongst the malcontents with the constitution, it was not a little unexpected by the governor, to find Teague O'Regan, his late protegee and associate in his peregrinations. For notwithstanding he had, in the first instance, been appointed crier of the court, and in the next, advanced to the grade of auctioneer, he was dissatisfied because he had not been made chief justice, or advanced to that of secretary of state. For these reasons he was amongst the loudest for a reform, and proposed an assembling of the whole people, once more to fix upon a new constitution. The governor conceiving himself to have some kind of right to controul and regulate the ambition of his bog-trotter, took an opportunity to expostulate with him on the danger and inexpediency of the proposition at this time; and more particularly on the indelicacy of persons newly come into the country, taking upon them to be the first to propose a revision of that frame of government, which they had found prepared for them, and what on becoming citizens, they were under an implied obligation to support.

Teague, said he, you cannot but recollect the inconsiderable station from which I originally advanced you; being a redemptioner on board a ship from Cork in Ireland. In fact though you called yourself a redemptioner you were a bound servant for years, and in such capacity you were under an obligation to serve me, nevertheless I treated you as a redemptioner, paid the money for you, the passage money, and told you that as soon as you had served me to the amount of it at the yearly hiring of a labouring person, I would give you your liberty. The business that I set you about might be called drudgery, because you were fit for nothing else; but did I not as soon as I conveniently could, endeavour to amend your station, by making you my body servant, and taking you with me almost in the light of a companion in my rambles? In the course of these, in proportion as I saw an opening, I was disposed to advance you still more, and to bring you forward. Was it my fault if in these prospects which seemed to be occasionally flattering, there were some disappointments? You know well what happened from the first to last when being made a judge you kicked an associate off the bench.

Have I not done as much for you as I well could do, since coming to this new country, and my advance to the chair of government? Did I not make you a crier of the court, and are you not now an auctioneer? What reason had you to expect that I should make you a chief justice, even though you did read law a while, and had been upon the bench in another place? This very circumstance if no other, was a reason against it; for it gave me an opportunity of knowing that you were not fit for it. You have not the patience of a judge even if you had all other qualifications. I could not make you secretary, for you cannot write; and though you might act by deputy, yet it is but an aukward thing for a man to be secretary, which imports by the usage of the term, some ability to minute matters, and not to be able to write his own name. It is impossible for me not to know that whatever you and the others of you who call out for a new constitution are moved not by your opinion of defects visible in the old, but because you think a new may be more favourable to your particular pretensions. But setting aside all that could be said on this alleged point of private views on your part and theirs, is there not some decency to be observed on our part in coming into this country, in proposing innovations? Can a bog-trotter just from Ireland like you be supposed to be cognizant of the genius of the people sufficiently to form a constitution for them? Is it the most delicate thing in the world to undertake to find fault with that which they have formed? I feel it on my part a matter of peculiar delicacy to sport an opinion. It hurts me even that you lately in my train, should cavil against it, least it should be supposed to be at my prompting; though there can be no ground of presumption that I who have been complimented with the government, could cabal to overturn it. Yet one cannot tell what those who are advocates of what they call a reform may do, or say in order to acquire weight to their machinations. They may pretend, that I who hold an office under the constitution am sworn to support it, do not approve of it. They will allege in proof of this, my having an officer who is foremost in his vociferation for a change. You do not consider, Teague, where this may end. The termination in France we have all seen; it was the guillotine.

What is de guillotine? said Teague. It is, said the governor, a thing in the shape of a crowbar of a harrow with teeth of a foot long, which they draw over a man's back, and scratch him as you would the earth in which seed is sown.

The truth is, the governor did not himself know precisely the form of this instrument, nor the manner of its operation; but it was necessary to seem to know, and to give a description, as he had alluded to it.

It is, continued he, a horrible instrument; and the meddler with constitutions, is in danger of coming under it. A regular tenor of things is the safest condition. In order to be safe from the irons of a saw-mill, let the unskilful beware of meddling with the wheels. In the same manner I may say that the prudent man will keep aloof at these times, from the danger of unseasonably intruding himself as a mender of constitutions.—Agreeably to this is the distich or the poet,

"Ah me, what perils do environ,
"The man that meddles with cold iron."

You enjoy the lucrative office of an auctioneer, and having seen a great deal of the world, ought to have begun to learn that those who advise, have not always the interest of those whom they advise, in view. May it not be in order to serve themselves, and perhaps in the turn of affairs to get your office, that persons flatter your vanity as whom it becomes to put yourself at the head of a reform in the state? I would not be willing to take an oath that even some of your own countrymen may not have sinister ends in view, in putting you upon this project.—For that you are propelled, I am strongly inclined to think, as I have always found you yourself disposed to be contented with your station, except in cases where the mistaken notions of others working upon your inexperience and mine, have misled our understandings.

These reasonings had weight with the bog-trotter, and more especially that part of the expostulation which respected the danger of the guillotine; for though the mode of its use was not minutely explained, yet the impression made, was that of a cutting, or tearing instrument, in either case, painful to the patient. But though intimidated, and of himself disposed to cease his opposition to the constitution, and his clamour for a reform, yet his countrymen out of doors, and others of the multitude desirous of a change, still continued active at vendues, particularly, to urge the bog-trotter to a perseverance in his endeavours in favour of what they called liberty.

There was no station that could put him so much in the way of being wrought upon by the designing, as that of auctioneer. For it subjected him to flattery giving an opportunity to compliment the strength of his voice, his vein of humour, which term they could give to his coarse jokes, and call it wit. The bottle occasionally going about, as is the custom in the country, at using which, drew from the croud also much applause; for in proportion as the crier was pleased, he put about the bottle, and it came in the way of the man that had given the last bid. It was indeed a matter of complaint against him by those who had articles to sell that he would suspend the hammer; or as it was a mallet that he used, he would stand with it lifted up until some one had finished what he had to say about the constitution. And instead of announcing the name of the article put up, and describing its utility, expatiating on its value, he would forget himself, and instead of a good thing, this, or that, he would call out, an excellent constitution; not at half its value; who bids more, another cent buys the whistle. Three times.

There were petitions for removal on this ground. But what could the governor do? The mania had become general.—Not an individual that was not affected with the rage of constitution making: not an occupation in the exercise of which something relative to amending at least, the constitution, did not break out in the language that was used. It was not alone in the case of the auctioneer, that such a derangement as it might be called, had begun to show itself; but with persons in almost every other employment. The common mechanic, and labourer were led away both in speaking and acting, with an enthusiasm for a change of constitution.

"I saw a smith stand with his hammer thus:
The whilst his iron did on the anvil cool.
With open mouth swallowing," the news about a change of the constitution.

A tailor was asked what he was now making? He said a suit of constitution.

A tinker what he was now mending? He said the constitution.

All that could write had drawn up forms; all that could not write, had meditated forms, and were reciting them to their neighbours. It was amusing to attend to the various suggestions of the fancy of these improvisatori; or extempore makers of constitutions. Some proposed for an article, the having a provision to fatten hogs, without corn; and it was in vain to explain to them that this did not depend upon the constitution of the government; but on that of the hog. Some wanted chickens hatched without eggs: others, harvests raised without the trouble of sowing seed. All were for an amelioration of things in the natural or moral world.

A groupe had got together at a distillery; and were endeavouring to put into words, what they would wish with regard to the article of extracting more whiskey out of a bushel of grain. But they were not all of them in a capacity to articulate the article just then, and so it fell through for that time.

In order to acquire knowledge on the subject of constitutions, where any one entertained a suspicion that he had not sufficient information, which was a rare case, he applied himself to study the hiding places, or edifices of beasts and birds. For instinct was surer than reason. One man of very honest investigation, was stung in the face as he was inspecting a wasp's nest, and his face became much swollen, and was kept in countenance only by another who was in something of the same plight, from a hive of bees into which he had thrust his nose. The republic being much celebrated, it was thought the purest model that could be studied. A diligent observer of the flight of wild geese, and of the manner in which one stands sentry for the flock when they alight to feed, drew thence what he thought a good lesson towards qualifying him for the task of new modeling a frame of government. But the play upon the word goose which this naturally drew upon him, threw it into ridicule. For it was observed that he must be a goose who would think of modeling a constitution after geese. By others it was called a wild goose chase that he was upon, and little attention was paid to this draught.

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CHAPTER VIII.

IN this phrenzy of the public mind, it is not to be dissembled that the most active of the constitution menders, were those who had ruined their own constitution, or that of their estates. It was observable also, that emigrants from beyond seas; and especially from the green Isle of Erin, were the most forward in offering themselves for this service. Not knowing the trouble of making a constitution, they thought it light work; being in the habit of calling out against the existing government at home, they did not distinguish that partiality which the people here must have for the work of their own hands, and their unwillingness to have assistance not asked but forced upon them. At all events, supposing them justifiable in the innovation, it cannot be maintained that the volunteers were altogether discreet, in the time of undertaking it.

A number of these who had come from the county Monaghan, and other places, being together singing Erin go bragh, and talking politics, the governor having actually a regard for them, as a well meaning, but impetuous multitude, thought proper to address them, and remonstrate against their proceedings. A minute of his discourse has been given me, and I have set it down here to diversify the narration.

Gentlemen of the bogs, said he, or green hills of Erin: for in the geography of your country, you talk of bogs; but in your songs we hear of nothing but hills—For that reason, I shall speak of hills—

Gentlemen of the green hills of Erin, when I cast my eye over the Atlantic Ocean, or rather cast it upon the map, I see your island like an emerald as you call it, set in the waves. It is a pretty little spot, on the face of the earth, I was going to say, but rather as I ought to say, face of the water. Of the internal geography I do not know much, but I have heard of Limerick, and Drogheda, and Sligo, and other places—The Cunabula gentium, the birth place of your parentage. But as to those, I have not much attended to them; my attachment is chiefly to the history of the people. I know your origin if I am to believe some, and I am inclined to believe them, that you are of Punic origin, that you have in you the blood of the Asdrubals, and Hamilcars, and Hannibals of antiquity. But as the poet says,

Genus, et proavos, et quæ non fecimus ipsi,
Vix ea nostra voco.——

I set more store by what has been done upon your island in the persons of your immediate progenitors. I am not unacquainted with the fame of many great characters; Fin M'Coul, and Brian Borumy, and others. But for your divisions in your own country, you might have been England, and England Ireland. And though insinuations have been made by writers of a proneness to rob on the highways by some of you, I do not wonder at there being some truth in this. It cannot be a matter of surprize, if after the military spirit of a people has subsided by subjugation, it should break out into petty robberies of the proud victor, and a disposition should remain for a long time, to indemnify ones' self at the expense of the conquerors, for the loss of private fortune. What could have been expected of those who were expelled from the north of your country, the four counties of Ulster, but that they would turn free-booters? I find no fault with the opposition made to the government of England; for you have been oppressed by it; and I do not wonder that a reform was thought of, and zealously attempted by the governor of the country: though I do not altogether approve the irregular, and consequently useless, disturbances by hearts of oak, as they were called; hearts of steel, white boys, break o'day boys, who broke the peace of the country. For of what avail is disjointed opposition; partial insurrections, which like the struggles of beasts of burden serve but the more to intangle, and furnish a reason, or at least a pretence for weightier chains, and stronger gearing for the future? For you see that however good your cause, and I will acknowledge that it is my opinion there could not have been a better, yet from immature exertions, and a want of concert, some of you have been under the necessity of absconding, and others of you have been shot. Those of you who have come to this country ought to distinguish circumstances. You have no doubt meditated much, the greater part of you upon political establishments; but it is not a Lycurgus, or a Solon that is wanted so much at this time, as cultivators of the soil. The constitution that is already framed may do awhile until we get more ground cleared, and fences put in repair. You will not for a moment entertain the suspicion that I undervalue your capacity for these things; but I make a quere with regard to the expediency of the occasion. You have all heard of what has happened in the neighbouring country of France, from instability in government, and from a change of constitution. The guillotine was the result, you have all heard of the guillotine.

The crowd, or some one in the crowd, acknowledged that they had heard of the guillotine; but had not a perfect knowledge or clear conception of what it was.

It is, continued the governor, a machine which works as I understand it, something like a farmer's cutting box. But the noise resembles that of a forge hammer, or a slitting mill.

Governor, replied an orator, it is not the sound of iron, or the working of hand saws, that would intimidate an Irishman; nor is it that we think we can make a better constitution than the one that is made, or set up a better government than that of which your honour is the worthy representative, and chief magistrate. But just coming to the country, we like to be concerned in what is going forward.—When we see the game played we like to take a hand. Nor is it we alone that are moving in the matter. It is your own people that have been bred and born in the country, that make the most ado. We only come in to take a lift at the log; just as our forefathers did in the war that is past, where some of us were shot as well as yourselves. Having cleared the ground of the British, along with you, we are entitled to the raising a cabin on the spot; you may call it a constitution, or what you please. But all we want is a bit of ground to set potatoes and to plant cabbage, with the free use of the shilelah into the bargain, as we had it in our own country.

That being the case, said the governor, the constitution that you have, will answer every purpose. It is for securing you in your possessions; and the free use of the shilelah subordinate to no law but that of the country, that the constitution has been framed. But for the constitution and the laws, what would you differ from the racoons and opossums of the woods? It is this which makes all the difference that we find between man and beast.

This was an unfortunate expression of the governor, and gave countenance to the theory that had begun to prevail about this time, that there was no radical difference between man and beast. And of this we may hear more in the subsequent chapters of this book. But not being in a hurry with this narrative, we shall not go on with the history of the phrenzy of imagination just immediately. It is time to rest a while; that is, to dip the pen till one looks about and reflects upon what has gone before, and may come after. What that may be I cannot well tell; for though I have all the matter of the book in my head, I have not arranged it in the series and juncture of the particulars, so that I can tell before hand what will come next. My pen moves almost involuntarily, from the mere habit of writing; like people that speak without being aware of what they say. And this unconcern arises from a consciousness that I have no harm in my mind, and therefore there can come none out; I mean, actual and intentional harm. If the maxim is true, quod non habet, non dabit, I can give no offence to any one, for I mean none. For notwithstanding all that has been said, or suspected, I never had a single individual in my mind, in characters I have drawn, but have been dipping my pen simply in the inkstand of human nature. If any man sees himself in this glass, tanquam in speculum, it is his own fault to put his face near it. For, it is not my intention to put the glass to him. I will acknowledge that a principal object with me is amusement, and I would hope to keep it innocent, if I cannot make it useful, and I do not see why it may not be considered as having the like chance for this, with the fable of Menenius Agrippa about the belly and its members; or any of those which are called Æsop's, under the similitude of beasts, and birds speaking. But be as it may, if we should miss the mark, all that can be said, is, that if we mean instruction, we have but an awkward way of conveying it.

But call it even our own amusement alone that we have in view, it is a picture of human nature, from childhood to old age; from the baby-house to the laying out money in bank stock; or the purchasing land for which the owner has no occasion. It all goes to engage, and employ the mind, whether it is throwing a long bullet, or drawing up an address to the president of the United States. Our hands must be employed, or our minds. And this I take to be a great cause of the restlessness of a man in society, or out of it—the activity of the mental power. And in proportion as a man has less or more of the vis inertiæ, in that proportion is he locomotive, or stationary.

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CHAPTER IX.

IT being understood that a constitution by ten, or even twenty men, would be a thing of bad fame, the decemviri among the Romans having got a bad name, it was agreed to call a convention of delegates, the time, places, and manner of chusing which, was pointed out.

"Tantæ molis erat romanam condere gentem."

It was necessary that information of this should be communicated. But as a journal or gazette might not reach all; or if it did reach them, they might not be able to read; runners were dispatched, Tom, Dick, and Harry, to carry the intelligence. The Captain's posse comitatis, Harum Scarum, O'Fin the Irishman, &c. having hand-bills struck off, were ordered on their travels through bush, brake and wood-land, to circulate advertisements.

Due notice having been now given, and, on the day, a chosen few having been selected from the primary meetings, which, by the bye, were not always very numerous; for, in some places, the father chose the son, and in other places the son the father; these, I say, being met, proceeded to debate on the principles of the great magna charta of a constitution. And as at Runnymede, it was literally under an oak, or rather a grove of oaks, that they were convened, a matter of debate was, whether every thing that wore a head should have a vote in choosing legislators. It was restrained to the male kind; of course, females were excluded. But, should boys come in? that was the question. Not unless full grown boys. But at what age does the body come to its full growth? Not until the age of 28, says doctor Jameson, a physician of Cheltenham, in his treatise on the body, does it come to its full growth. It spreads until that time. But impatience to have the rights of men, prevailed with some delegates, and they were of opinion to dock off seven years, and to fix the age of virility at 21; for that was the age of the common law, in most of the other states.

But should the suffrage be universal, or with a qualification of property? not real property; that was out of the question: for every check ought to be put upon engrossing the soil, as the population of the country depended upon restricting to a small share.

Camillus had but four acres, said the Latin schoolmaster, and well cultivated, that might suffice any one. At all events, it was not good policy to hold out any encouragement to engross land.

But it was agreed that every man should have a vote in proportion to his stock. For this was originally the meaning of the word chattels. We shall hear more of this anon; for it led to an opinion in the sequel, that beasts themselves should vote.

——Cujum pecus? an Millibœi?

Said the Latin schoolmaster.

But except as to the qualifications of electors, it was determined there should be no constitution; but that, bound by no girdle, when the representatives convened, they should legislate at free scope, without restraint, from preconceived rules, and set forms shackling the understanding; but that it should be a pure democracy, a real republic. All hand aloft, was now the word, to man the state ship.

O' navis qua tibi creditam——

Said the Latin schoolmaster.

The Captain was re-elected governor;
The blind lawyer appointed chief justice;
O'Fin the Irishman sheriff; and
Tom the Tinker crier of the courts.

All things were going on smoothly, and there bade fair to be great harmony in the commonwealth.

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CHAPTER X.

THE principle of universal suffrage was much agitated: whether every poll, as the word imports, should poll, or have a vote; or that property should also vote. If property alone, the question would arise, whether soil only; or also goods and chattles. If soil only, to what quantity or quality, shall the suffrage be attached? An hundred acres of soil of a bad quality, may not have the intrinsic worth of one of good. How should an inspector, or the judge of an election, determine on the quality, unless the owner brings a sample with him, as the man who had his house to sell, brought a brick. This would be an inconvenience; and would render it impracticable to escape frauds.—For a man might dig a sample from his neighbor's, and pass it for his own. And as to quantity, the occupier of the greater quantity, is the most worthless citizen; at least the one who occupies more than he cultivates; because he neither eats the hay, nor lets another eat it. It is preposterous that soil should vote; a dumb field, a dead tree with a crows nest upon it; an hazle bush; a morass, or a barren mountain; or even a hill with a tuft of oaks upon it. These are all inanimate substances; how can they vote? For goods and chattels, something might be said; a live beast particularly, as the animal could not speak, not with a viva voce vote, like a man; more humano, like a human creature. But with some guttural sound from the throat, or fauces, which might be called its own; and not like the tree with a turkey buzzard on it; and which is not its own voice. I mean that of the tree, said the speaker, who was running on in this manner; and yet it is advocated that stocks and stones that go with the soil, shall have a vote. There might be some reason in improvements voting; a brick house or a dutch-barn; but none at all in the mere brutum tellus of an estate.

This had led the way to an hypothesis, that property in moveables should alone entitle; and this, after some debate, began to be narrowed down to property in living animals; especially to useful quadrupeds, and those of full growth, and who had come to years, I will not say of discretion, but of maturity. From the light thrown upon the subject, the right of suffrage to grown cattle had become so popular, that there was no resisting it; not that viva-voca it was proposed or thought of that, inarticulating speaking creatures should speak out, or name their representatives, nor even that they should give in a ballot, but that they should be brought upon the ground to show their faces, that there might be no imposition, the voters alleging that they had cattle when they had not.

But it was not to every owner's beast that it was advisable to extend the right; but only to the more valuable animals; or such as were of a good breed; Virginia horses that are fit for the saddle or the turf.

It may seem very strange; but actually the thing took; and at a polling, some time after, it began to be carried into effect, that beasts should be constituents, and have their representatives. It was not the principle, but to the individual beast that some exceptions took place; as for instance, an English bull was brought upon the hustings to give his vote. We will have no English bull, said the inspectors. Not that a brute beast is not entitled to a vote, nor that a bull cannot vote or be voted for; but this is an English bull. No English bull can vote.—You might as well bring an Englishman himself, to the polls. It is in right of the bull-keeper, or bull-owner, that the bull claims the suffrage. If an Englishman himself, not naturalized, is excluded, how can his bull or his horse, or any other quadruped be admitted? It would be sufficient to set aside the election if his ticket was introduced. A bull indeed! The name of John Bull is appropriate to an Englishman. An Irish bull is quite another matter; John Bull shall have no vote here.

In the mean time, a man on an iron-grey horse rode up to the window, which was open for receiving tickets, and unequivocally insisted on a vote for his horse. Vouchers stood by, who averred that he was foaled in the county, that, horse and colt, they had known him many years; that as to his paying taxes, they could not so well say, unless his labour on the farm could be considered as paying tax.

In the mean time, the horse putting his nose in at the window taking it for a rack, an inspector gave him a fillip on the snout, which resenting; the owner wheeling round, the horse wheeling under him, he rode over one or more of the bystanders who were in the way.

Certain it is, the horse was a meritorious horse, having seen service in the campaign under General Wayne against the Indians in 1793. Nevertheless, they that had been rode over did not brook the affront, or put up with it unrevenged; for calling out horse, horse, to which some added the word stolen, as fame increases as it goes, it was echoed along the lines stolen horse; upon which the man was apprehended, and carried before a magistrate, who not having heard of the right of beasts to vote, thought this story improbable as he related what had passed at the window of the election house, and for want of proper bail he was committed.

It may be material to mention that the horse's mane and tail were black to distinguish him from a grey horse that belonged to another person. I have known several that knew the horse; but who were not present on the occasion to which we refer, and so, will not undertake to vouch for the truth of it, not having charged their memory with it, or taken a note of it at the moment it occurred. Or it may be, they do not chuse to recollect it, or give information on the subject, thinking it prudent not to involve themselves on election disputes, as there is no knowing, when parties run high, how far the bare vouching for a fact may involve one. Such is the result of strong passions when not under the controul of reason and reflection. Weak persons are always the most positive, because they cannot afford the acknowledgment of an error. It will not do to admit fallibility; for there is no knowing how far the inference may be drawn.

Another man came up who brought a sheep to the polls; a merino ram, who, he said, was entitled to a vote, having resided in the country, since he had been brought in by Humphreys, representing him to be of the breed of the great Fezzen ram, though there were those who thought it might be what is called a yankee trick; not but, that all Americans may be capable of substituting a thing for what it is not; and all are called Yankees by the British; but New England men are distinguished; and called Yankee Doodles.

The ram is not entitled to a vote, said the Inspector, nor ought he to be permitted to put in a ticket, were he of the breed of the golden fleece guarded by the fiery dragons whom Jason overcame; and brought away the wool; no; not if he was the very ram that was caught in the thicket; or that Daniel saw in his vision coupled with the he goat. But he is a Spanish ram born under despotism, how can he be expected to give a republican vote? of papist origin, he may bring the inquisition with him; coming here to vote. Besides, this is a very real sheep, that is offered; and not one whom we call a sheep in a figurative sense of the word. Where we call men horses, or asses, we do not mean always that they are so, puris naturalibus, without overalls on, with the horn and the hoof about them, but shadowing forth the same thing under a veil of metaphor, as the case may be. But not on this ground altogether do I reject him; and because he has wool on his back; but, because he is of barbary origin. The Moors brought the breed into Spain. You may cast a sheep's eye at the window as long as you please, master ram; but not a vote shall you have as long as I am here. I do not know whether you are not a half breed, and no genuine merino. So away with him, as the song says,

"To ewe-boughts, Marian."

Another person coming up, brought a large ox, which he called Thomas Jefferson, not out of respect to the ox, but to the man, as having a good name and reputation. Make way, said the voters, for Thomas Jefferson. We will have no Thomas Jefferson, said the inspector; he is out of his district. I assert the contrary, said the owner; he was calved in this settlement. He is called the mammoth ox, and I had thought of driving him to Washington; but that I knew, however he might be made a present to Jefferson, the congress would eat him, as they did the mammoth cheese; so that the president would scarcely get a slice of him. For there are parasites in all countries; and the worthless are chiefly those who dance attendance upon men in office; and how can it be avoided to invite them to partake of civilities? You will certainly allow a vote to Thomas Jefferson.—No; not if he was the real Jefferson from Monticello, said the inspector. How can I tell but he may introduce the same politics? That is true, said another; break judges, abolish taxes, dismantle navies, build gunboats, lay embargoes, depress armies, pay tributes to barbary powers, issue proclamations, wear red breeches, receive ambassadors in pantaloons and slippers, collect prairie dogs, and horned frogs, dream of salt mountains, walk with Petimetres, and be under French influence. We will have no Thomas Jefferson. You may drive off your ox. He shall have no vote here.

No doubt the judges and inspectors, being men of sense, saw the absurdity of carrying the principle so far into practice, as to admit the representation of property, by this property being itself, and in its own individual existence, the constituent. But not thinking it safe, or practicable, to resist this temporary frenzy, and misrepresentation of things, by a direct resistance, it became necessary, by direct means to avoid it. To lay it down in the face of the multitude that these new voters had not a right, would not have been endured; but parrying it by questioning the right in a particular case, gave no umbrage. It was saving the principle, though it denied the exercise.

The man that had rode down the by-standers, and was taken up for a horse thief, was pardoned by the governor. This was done to get quit of the investigation; the governor thinking it for the credit of the country that there should be nothing said about the occasion and manner of the felony; or the mistake under which the imputation had arisen.

But, party spirit continued to run high; some insisting on the right of suffrage to their cattle; and others considering it a burlesque. You might have seen shillelahs in the air, and several bullocks were knocked down that were brought up to the polls. A lad was tumbled from his palfrey as he was riding him to water, under an idea that he was bringing him to aid the adverse ticket.—The lad was somewhat hurt by the fall, and the steed ran off, and could not be caught again until salt was shown, and oats in a hat, some one crying cope, cope. The ram that had been offered, seeing arrive the sheep, cried ba; and it was insisted that he had given his vote, which the candidate against whom it was taken down, resented; and hit the tup a stroke, that, in the sailor's phrase, brought him on his beam ends. The blow, however, which was aimed at a pig in a poke, which a man was carrying home, and which was heard to squeal; struck the man himself. What, said the assailant, are you bringing here the swinish multitude to vote?

Nevertheless, it was not so much admitting quadrupeds, but unqualified cattle that became the subject of the controversy; intelligent persons arguing that it was a thing shameful in itself, and unjust. Because it was a fraud upon the whole community, that stragglers should be brought forward, which the individual concerned in the fraud reconciled to himself on the score of serving the party: That it required some refinement to be aware of the indelicacy of urging an improper vote. Was it reasonable to suppose that a horse creature could give an independent vote, that was in the power of his owner to be stinted of his oats, and rode faster or slower as he thought proper, on a journey? Was it reasonable to expect that the ox would think differently on political subjects from his master? Should he venture to dissent, a crack of the whip or the spur, would bring him to his senses. Even a rational creature, that may be supposed to have more fortitude, is usually in subjection to the master, in matter of opinion, where he is a slave. It is for this reason that slaves are excluded.—Whatever might plausibly be said as to the expediency of extending the privilege of citizenship to those animals that are feræ naturæ, and are at their own hands in a forest, it is quite another matter as far as it respects domesticated animals, that have no will of their own, but are under dominion, whether subjugated to a plough or a team. The wild animals that roam, have some spirit of independence. They would starve before they would tamely submit themselves to arbitrary rule, and government. Hence it is, that traps are used. It requires shooting to bring some of them to terms. But an ox may be goaded into acquiescence. He does not drink whiskey, it is true; and for that reason, it cannot be said that whiskey will purchase him; but is there nothing to be done with good grass? The inticements are various that might be held out to allure from the independence of his own judgment.

As to horses voting on the occasion we are speaking of, so far as matter of fact is concerned, I admit it has been denied. For that though a great number of horses were seen to be ridden up; yet it is usual to go on horseback to elections, especially when the voters have to come from some distance; so that the mere circumstance of being on the ground, is no conclusive evidence of having given a vote; and this I am the more careful to note, as in the case of a new government, that like an individual, has a character, in some measure, to establish, it is of moment, that what is groundlessly alleged, be explained. At the same time, I am aware of the impolicy of denying a thing in toto where there is no foundation—were there no other reason that would induce an historian to adhere to the truth. For even where a man is pressing a matter that is difficult to be believed, and he has nothing in truth to concede, he will yield a little, skilfully, in order to give the impression of candour, and secure belief to the more important points. How much more does it behoove a writer to be careful of insisting on the freedom from all blame on the part of those whom he advocates, lest that he bring in question the veracity of his relation, where he has every thing on his side. I do not therefore say positively, that the inspectors and judges of the election, in some districts, were not deceived, and their vigilance baffled; or that they did not connive: for that would be saying too much considering the nature of affairs. The most vigilant cannot always watch; and the most severe in their notions of the rights of persons may indulge. But, granting that some horse creatures did vote, with their riders on their backs, does it follow that the inspectors had notice of it; or that the persons who usually stand by and vouch for the right of suffrage to the individual were not to blame?—They may have announced their names as rational; and under that idea, may have got their votes taken. I have been the more careful in throwing out these hints, because if it were once admitted that such votes did pass, unless surreptitiously, and sub silentio, it might grow into precedent. And we well know that, in matters of political and legal law, precedent has the force of authority. It may be suggested, as not fairly presumable, that inspectors and judges could be deceived. I have seen too much of elections not to think that practice to be unfair, where an individual, powerful for wealth or family, is a candidate, or where there is a contest of party somewhat violent; and unprincipled and daring individuals, will take their stations, and act as common vouchers on an election day, as to the name, age, freedom, or estate of the person who offers a vote. He will be supported by pugilists, or persons prepared with clubs, who though they do not actually strike, will menace with this appearance of force, and intimidate those who might dispute the vouching that is given. I consider all this as immoral and unbecoming a good citizen. But I have seen even inspectors and judges intimidated by this show of hostility; and I would not wonder if I were to hear that, under this awe, in some places, improper votes were taken. Not that I would excuse this timidity of officers, as lessening it from a misdemeanor, to a mere neglect of duty. I reprehend both the overawing and the being overawed in the discharge of a public trust.

But in justice to the character of the country, I incline to think, after all that has been reported to the contrary, that instances of beasts voting were more rare than is imagined; and that a considerable foundation of what has gone abroad on this head, was the epithets bestowed by the contending parties calling one another beasts; such as horses, asses, sheep, buffaloes, oxen, and the names of other cattle. All this metaphorically, just as persons of a less polished education, where they dispute on literary or theological subjects, call each other geese, sucking-pigs, or turkey buzzards. I have heard even well bred persons speak of their antagonists after a warm debate, as wood-peckers and mire-snipes. In political controversies, it is no uncommon thing, to bestow the epithets of jack-ass. I have heard even an accomplished lady, use the term—monkey, speaking of an individual of the other sex. It would be endless to enumerate such instances of the application of such terms, that do not in themselves import the natural form or metamorphose of any person.

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CHAPTER XI.

THE Governor had been indisposed the whole day of the election, but being now recovered and the legislature about to meet shortly, it behooved him to think of an address to the representative body. He was at a loss, whether in the mode of the kings of England, reading the speech himself, or having it read for him in his presence; or that introduced in these states since the revolution; or rather in this, a later period of the republican history, by sending a message, that is, a written document to be communicated by the secretary.

The message has the advantage in this, that it is a departure from the English precedent, which of itself carries reason. But there is more in it when we consider that it is more convenient. Because, when a man makes a speech orally, it is not all of it that can be heard in the crowd that usually assembles on the occasion of an inauguration. And when it is heard, it is not all of it that can be recollected. Many things escape the memory. Whereas when it is by way of written document, it can be heard to his satisfaction; not that it would be decent to encore it on the floor of the house; but members can recur to it from time to time, and read it themselves. In that case they are not kept so long standing on their feet, as when it is heard slowly and with much ceremony of bringing it forward in the first instance. For the awaiting the arrival of the governor that is to deliver the speech, and the arrangements that must be made for the places of the other officers of government, and the body of the representatives, is tedious; and it ought to be a principle in public, as it is in private life, to consult ease where it answers no good purpose to take trouble. Almost all unnecessary ceremony is displeasing to a man of sense. The finest expression that I have met with on this head, is in the Arcadia of Sir Philip Sidney: "There was ceremony without being ceremonious."

I have some impression in my mind of having quoted this very expression somewhere else, in this or some other book, but I cannot recollect with certainty, nor have I time to turn back and examine. It is very possible that I repeat the same ideas in many places, but what of that, if a good thing is twice said? This beautiful remain of the genius of that time is addressed, if I remember right, to his sister the Marchioness of Pembroke. It is of her that the Epitaph is written.

Underneath this marble hearse,
Lies the subject of all verse;
Sidney's sister, Pembroke's mother—
Death, ere thou hast kill'd another,
Wise, and good, and fair as she;
Time shall throw a dart at thee.

You will say this is a digression. There is no doubt but it is. But can it be said that I indulge myself much in this way? On the contrary, are there many writers that stick closer to their subject than I have in general done? Besides I would not write a syllable of what I am now writing, were it not that it is thought necessary, that I should not leave my book at a short angle: but round it off, by giving it something like a natural conclusion. And the truth is, as my ideas are in a great measure exhausted, I mean those that are near the surface; I have not time to fish for such as swim in deep water; or to wait, having taken all that were of a larger size, until the small fry grow bigger. So that whenever a thought leads me into a quotation, I do not make a scruple of conscience to run after it; especially if I have any reason to think, upon the small reflection I can give it, that the quotation will be better than the original idea that might have taken place of it. So far as respects my own taste, I read with great pleasure oftentimes a book, which has not a single idea in it from beginning to end, except in the quotations. The only question that is made, will be, is the quotation from a good author; or does it amuse or instruct? Nor in reading good moral observations, or anecdotes of great men, do I care whether they are in a connected series, or strung together like Swift's "Critical Dissertation of the faculties of the human mind." The Apothegms of Plutarch are somewhat in the same way. The Chapters of Athenæus, and the Noctes Atticæ of Aulius Gellius, are of the same rambling composition. Montaigne's Essays, also, and some of the introductory chapters of Henry Fielding. The fact is, that as a regularly bred cook will show his skill in the culinary art, by making a savoury dish out of a bit of soal leather; or a whole entertainment out of ordinary materials; so, it may depend upon the manner more than the matter of what is said, whether it be acceptable. Unquestionably there are but few that have the rare talent of saying things agreeably; and I am not sure that I have shown that art in any degree in this book. But what hinders aiming at it, by those who feel a benevolence of heart, and wish to please? If any man is amused by any of these images that I am endeavouring to paint, he will be under obligation to me, though he may refuse to acknowledge it. It is allowable towards the end of a book to digress; and in the manner of old age deal in narrative. Though I will acknowledge that I have seldom met with old men who were not apt to digress too much in their narrations. That old men are more talkative than those of earlier years, is characteristic.—"Garrulous old age."—But that they are apt to digress is not so generally noted; though it would seem to me to be the case, and were it put upon me to account for it, looking into nature at my own age, I would resolve it into the multiplicity of ideas as one cause. They are numerous, and press for utterance; and when a certain set have had an outlet in part, the speaker suspends awhile the prosecuting of them, and goes back to fetch others. It would be like Charon in his boat upon the river Styx, were there an island in it, ferrying a number of the shades half way; leaving them on the island, and going back to bring others that distance, who are crowding on the shore, and anxious to cross. Or like a mechanic, that has a great number of customers, and cannot satisfy, but by beginning the work of several, and carrying it on by pieces; having it in his power to say to all that their work is on hands.

But I return to say something on the subject of ceremony, the point from whence we digressed. For the forms of taking place, or seats, or at least the coming into the government house, partakes something of the nature of ceremony in polite assemblies, on other occasions. All attention to which, and the trouble of it, is avoided by the transmitting what is to be said, in the shape of what is called a message, which may be carried by the secretary and laid on the table.

Having adopted the mode of address by message, it was prepared, and transmitted to the legislature now convened. We have been furnished with an extract of some part of it, which we shall now introduce.

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IT will not be understood, that I am to give the whole message at full length; which would be unnecessary, as I think it is full time, that in the addresses, or messages of governors, in most instances, the common place parts might be omitted; such as what respects improvements of roads, encouragement of domestic manufactures, and the making a new militia law, felicitating on abundant harvests; or complimenting the administration of the general government, which comes also under this head. There are many like common place subjects, which it were tedious to enumerate, but which may, in this instance, be considered as disposed of. We hasten to the main matter which the governor touched upon, the particular situation and affairs of the new government. I cannot do better than just to make an extract in his own words. It is the concluding part, and the plainest in point of expression. For there is a certain stateliness and dignity in the stile of such compositions, that is excusable in the initiatory, or perambulatory part, that need not be observed so punctiliously in what relates to real business. Tropes need not rise so rapidly, nor need these be taken so much from lofty objects in nature; such as billows of the ocean, or tempests on the land. All may be simple, like that of information, or opinion given in common cases.

The extract which we give relates to a matter which may be supposed to have occupied the mind of his excellency, the innovations projected, by the visionary philosopher, and which had got some footing in the minds of the people, respecting a change in the extent of suffrage at elections, and the right of being elected, consequent upon it. For if any, but those under the denomination of rational persons, could elect, other than rational persons might be elected. For, similia a similibus gignuntur. But that he might not give offence, by attacking a prejudice abruptly, he approached the subject circuitously by talking of the promotion of knowledge, and the establishment of schools. But I continue to talk of the message, rather than to give it. Here it is, that part of it that we have spoken of.

"I would not be understood as meaning to insinuate, even in the most distant manner, a deficiency of natural understanding, or any extraordinary want of information in the members of your honourable body. I am the more careful to suggest this, because of the known prejudices which the inhabitants of the sea-coasts entertain, in favour of themselves. Because, from the greater opportunities they have of ships arriving, they may have information of the affairs of Europe, sooner than we have, they may be disposed to attribute this, to a greater facility of apprehension; and because, they have schools and colleges of an older foundation, and more accessible from the propinquity of situation. Hence they are led to think that their possessing more scientific knowledge is owing to themselves, and not to this advantage. The truth is that in point of talent, so far as this includes the capacity of acquiring learning, or judging solidly, I take it the ultramontane people are before those of the cities or of the towns, and settlements on the seacoast: not that in this case I resolve it into a superior strength of the brain, so much, as into the circumstance of better air on the mountains than in the cities; unless indeed I except those just on the sea-board, and where they have the benefit of the salt breeze. It may not be that they possess stronger, but only clearer brain. For if the marshes, and the low grounds, overflowed in some part, with the rivers, infect the atmosphere with damps, and vapours, that affect the body, how can the brain, which is a part of the body, escape, being muddied with what naturalists call the effluviæ, and physicians, the miasmata, which are the cause of this? Are the draught cattle of these places, of the activity of those of the hills? Our horses are a smaller breed, but they are more alert on a journey. Our wild beasts in general, are more agile in their movements, and seem to have more resources of cunning, and foresight than the tame; but even domesticated quadrupeds with us seem to be like the human species, in the same regions; that is, of a superior cast to the denizens of the low country. No wonder, for the barometer will show the difference that exists in the gravity of the atmosphere. And running and jumping itself, is more favourable to clearness of head, than standing behind a counter and casting up figures. If I were to take one of those so employed in order to enlighten him, the first thing I would do, would be to apprehend him by the locks, and to set him on the top of a hill to look about him for a while. I would shake him well before I would set him down to his lesson. A man's ideas in a shop, are in proportion to the size of the room; he thinks narrowly if not meanly, who has not more than a few yards of prospect for the greater part of the twenty-four hours in the day.—We acquire the magnitude of surrounding objects, and our conceptions enlarge by the space that presents itself.

"Why is it that all great generals, look for the rising and upper ground in engagements? It is because it improves the courage. The mere circumstance of striking to more advantage, from the higher part of the inclining plain, is not all. There is a great deal in the bare imagination. The paradox of the schools, crede quod habes, et habes, is not true; but thinking that you can conquer, goes a great way to give the victory. And the soldier that has his head higher than his adversary, is led naturally by a kind of incalculable impulse, to think that he can subdue him. I do not wonder, therefore, if upon these reflections, and ascribing too much to such secret operations of the mind; derived from the elevation of a range of hills, some who have come amongst us, may have been encouraged to think that even our beasts might be capable of an extraordinary cultivation. At the same time, whatever may be my prepossessions in favor of a reform, I have not been able to entertain sentiments equally sanguine them, on this particular. I consider it rather the offspring of a disturbed mind of some sea-coast politician, that has broached this doctrine, or would induce a community to adopt the hypothesis; and this, not so much out of respect to the powers of mind with us, as complimentary to their own vanity, who have been able to excogitate the imagination. If it is not rather meditated as an insult, being as much as to say, the difference is so small between you and your cattle, that there can be no conclusive reason, or cogent argument, why you might not be put upon the same footing. For as the parallax of remote stars seems small, and we consider them to the naked eye as together; so it is in the light of an imputation of inferiority in the human species here, that I have taken up the suggestion. For why did they not begin with their own beasts in the lower country, to ameliorate their condition, and extend their rights? They have been visionary enough, in all conscience, with their abolition of the common law, and other innovations; but they have not come so far as to talk of naturalizing cattle, strictly speaking; though some of their naturalizations have been of very uncouth persons. It is not sufficient that the heat and moisture of the climate may produce yellow fever in their towns, but that political pestilences spread from thence. However able you may be as a body, yet if a few bullocks, hide and tallow, were actually mixed among you, by means of the intrigues of these people, you might become the subject of ridicule, instead of admiration;—no—if pards and bears are to be admitted to appear, or officiate in any department of representative capacity, it ought to be at the bar, where noise may be better tolerated, and growling may pass for ability. The late disorderly elections in the districts, was owing to this very proposition of giving beasts votes; whereas in the opinion of most persons, if any were sober, on that day, there were beasts enough on the ground, if I may be allowed to call them so, in a comparative way of speaking, who, on these occasions, can reconcile it to themselves, to cheat and to wrangle in support of the frauds they have committed. It is in this sense of the word that the Apostle Paul speaks, when he says, he "fought with beasts at Ephesus:" not as some take it, that he was exposed to wild beasts in the amphitheatre, according to the barbarous custom of the Romans. If all the election laws that can be framed are ineffectual to restrain breaches of the peace even now, while men only are allowed the privilege of voting, how would it be, if the elective franchise was enlarged to creatures that have claws, or horns, or hoofs? The biting, and the gouging would be increased; and there would be so many tame animals, at least, beaten, and bruised, that they would be unfit for the services of agriculture, which will leave the husband-men without the means of tilling their ground, or getting in their crops. On all these considerations, the scheme, or project, as it may be better called, appears to me fraught with inconveniences; and to be a reform, at this time, not practicable.

"The abuses of the late election, whether any in the way of improper votes admitted, it would not become me to insinuate, nor do I insinuate as to what may have taken place, but what has been advocated as a possible reform. You are yourselves judges of the legality of your own elections; and seeing neither tails among you, nor manes on any of your shoulders, I take it for granted you are all men, and have been elected by such. For though an hundred or two horse votes may have been counted; or a kid or a merino ram here, or there, may have got his nose in the dish, it does not follow that it has made the difference of a representative in any one case. The purity of the elective franchise, is the first gem of liberty; it is the bud at which it breaks forth. If the frost of fraud blights, no fruit springs from the tree. The prevention of fraud is the object of the laws; but the distinguishing the objects of trust is equally important. That must remain with the citizens at large."

The message of his excellency couched in these wary words, was, nevertheless, unfavourably received by members present, and those of the country attending. The contortions in the visages of them, expressed disapprobation. The words aristocracy were muttered. The physiognomy of some had the appearance of one whom an inexpert barber was shaving with a bad razor; there was screwing, and twisting of the features, and a wry countenance at the greater part of the words read.

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CHAPTER XII.

FROM the right of suffrage, to the right of delegation, the transition was easy; and hence the idea of admitting beasts to a vote in elections, naturally led to that of beasts being voted for, and elected to a representative body. Why not, said an advocate for this policy? Because said an adversary, they cannot speak; brutum pecus that have no utterance; not even to say aye, or no.

That is the very reason, said the other, that it behooves to choose such delegates. What do we not suffer from the verbiage, and loquacity of members? A measure of peace or war cannot be carried but over the belly of a thousand harangues, protracted to an immeasurable length, by orators that know as little of the subject as a whipperwill, or a jay-bird; and yet chatter continually so as to prevent the question being taken. Commend me to a brute beast, a buffaloe, or sheep that would chew the cud, and hold its tongue. If there were at least a mixture of those, there would be fewer speakers, and take up less time. Unless you gag a member, he will speak even though no one would wish him to open his mouth, unless to take a quid of tobacco. If an elk, or a horse were to speak, he would make the speech short, if we were to infer from that pithy speech made by Balaam's ass; coming to the point at once, and saying all in a few words, that most of your human orators now-a-days in deliberative bodies, would choose to say in a speech of many hours. These would seem to make conscience of giving quantity for quality, and this is the only apology that can be made for interminable rhapsodies. Nor is it enough that they waste time in speaking, but they must write out what they have said and trouble the public with conceptions in the papers; crude as they would seem to be, and tiresome to read. If any one should undertake to travel through them; it can only be such as have much leisure on their hands, and at a loss to know what to do with their time. But the mischief is not altogether to be avoided by the not reading them, because the journals are taken up with such effusions in the place of which something better might be selected for the public. There is a double advantage in a brute animal to whom nature had denied the power of speech, in being a member of congress, because in this case there is usually denied to such, the talent of writing speeches. If a member, conscious to himself of not excelling in extempore eloquence, should hold his tongue, like a dumb creature, yet it is ten to one but he will write speeches that he has saved from his prolixity, yet the press is made to groan under the oppression of his verbosity. Give me a young colt that will say little, rather than a jackanapes of the human species that will be eternally on the floor. I am for sending a few asses, not figuratively, but literally, to our council, who will bray, but will do no more than bray a reasonable length of time, and suffer the more intelligent of the members to arrange and carry through the business. No ass brays more than a few minutes at a time, unless you pinch it, or occasion it uneasiness in some way. Whether is it more against nature to send nominally something else but, in fact, an ass?

If a beast of the forest should go to the house, he will not be continually turning his head round to listen, and to hear what other beasts say of his speeches, or his vote. He will be more independent of his constituents that are running at large upon the hills, or in the pasture, nor will the idea come into his head, that he is bound by their instructions; a thing inconsistent with the delegating representatives to think where they will have a better opportunity of knowing what is for the good of the commonwealth. If this doctrine is correct, it is the constituent that stays at home that is to think, and the representative that goes to a public body, not to think at all; at least not to make use of his thoughts; which by the bye, is an argument for beasts going, and men staying at home. Will the desire of popularity induce your wild, or tame cattle to make long speeches or to regard what Tom, Dick or Harry may say about their votes? they may be led to prolong the session for the sake of oats and corn, which they have in their mangers; but, it will not be by many words that this will be done. One cause, at least, of the mischief will be struck away. The desire of members to retain their seats, and procure a re-election, will not exist so strong with the denizens of the woods and fields, who will naturally not have the same attachment to a house, as human creatures that are accustomed to be within doors. On all these grounds, there will be more independence in our councils, and less subservience to popular opinion. Individuals will not be continually looking out to see which way the wind blows; nor will they covet place, and preferment so much, looking out to be ambassadors; or to have other appointments abroad, or at home. I am for keeping at home, at least a portion, of the servile pecus, and sending real cattle to the public bodies. One advantage farther; there would be no Canabalism in the blockheads of the human shape that are sent with them, knocking down a member bullock at the end of a session; nor would there be an inconvenience in riding a colleague horse home.

Sir, said an adversary, your object seems to be to burlesque a representative government.

I deny it, said the advocate; it is to burlesque the abuses of elections, and of the elective franchise. If people go to employ a mechanic, or manufacturer of any sort, they look out for a capable person; one skilled in the art or occupation, and with science and experience requisite for the thing to be made, or the object to be accomplished. But, to manage the affairs of a notion, nothing more is sought than simply the being of a party; or the being capable of being made so by some master of the drama at home in a village or district. It is never enquired whether he has two legs or four, provided he answers the purpose of a junto in a neighbourhood. Hence—What?

"Words that breathe, and thoughts that burn."

No; stupidity or local selfishness; and words in order to hide in the rubbish, the want of ideas.

If that is the case, said the adversary, and you do not mean to advocate the giving of beasts suffrages, or sending them as representatives, I have no quarrel with you. What these people will do, into whose hands it has been put, is more than I can tell. It is said to be an easy thing to raise the devil; but to lay him, requires all the art of the free-mason with a wand, circle, and a black cat.

I do not think it would do any great harm if it was tried, said the advocate. The truth is, I am so much dissatisfied with this mischief in sending incompetent persons to represent us in legislative bodies, talking a long time and saying nothing, or worse than nothing, that I must either laugh or cry; and I think it is as well to laugh; to be Democritus, rather than Heraclitus. But if there is any remedy for this evil, it must be ridicule; and I am willing to try my hand a little at it. If a cow or a horse was chosen, people would begin to think; by pushing the thing to an extremity, the contrast is better seen. If a dumb beast should obtain a majority of suffrages, it would be asked why he did not obtain such a seat; and it would be answered, because he was dumb; and in that case could not be a long-speaking member.

But is there no remedy for these things upon principle? said the adversary. I know of none, said the advocate, unless the having fewer members, might curtail a little, there not being so many to take up time; or the putting of muzzles on them like young calves; but that would keep them from eating as well as speaking. Ridicule, by sending a young bull to the house, because he would hold his tongue; except bellowing a little, will, I take it, be found the ultimate remedy. A very few members, were they so disposed, would take as much time as the greater number, unless there were so very few that they could not relieve each other when out of breath. Loquacity is the fashion of the day; and I wish to bring taciturnity back again, which has been out of date almost since the school of Pythagoras. I will have, at least, a reasonable proportion of dumb creatures put up at our elections, and sent to the representative bodies.

This was a dialogue, aside, between the advocate for the eligibility of beasts, and the individual who opposed it; it had little effect, one way or the other, not being in the presence of the multitude.

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CHAPTER XIII.

WERE it imposed upon me as a task, by some republic, to educate a number of young persons to be orators, in order to introduce a good taste for public speaking, I would begin with the understanding. What? not with the heart; it will be said. I take that to be the same thing. For I know no difference between good sense, and virtue, except that the one is the judgment of what is virtuous, and the other the practice. I take a knave and a fool to have only this difference, that the fool is a knave in his transactions without meaning to be so; the other intends it. Or, if this way of putting the argument will not be understood, I say that every man who knowing the right, intends the wrong, is not wise; that is, a fool. Above all things, give me a good judgment as the foundation of morals: and the communicating knowledge is strengthening the judgment.

I admit that there is such a thing as being of bad stock; and the moral qualities are as communicable as the physical constitution, or the features. Hence it is, that I would look to the stock in the selection of subjects; but still more to the physiognomy of the youth himself. For I think it possible that Curran, who cannot but have a good heart, yet may be of a germ from one of the worst stock that ever trod the bogs. I should have a great curiosity to trace his ancestry. I say, I cannot think but that he must have a good heart; because it is impossible for a cold heart to be warm; and a heart to be warm that has not a love of virtue. His eloquence is to me prima facie proof at least, that he is benevolent.

But pursuing my observations on the main point, I say, to form an orator I would cultivate the understanding. What is eloquence, but good sense expressed? The vox, et preterea nihil; voice without sense, is provoking. I grant that sound may do a great deal; but it is but as the rushing wind. The effect of a persuasive speech is like the moving force of waters. The tide rises without noise; but the effect is irresistible.

By the precepts of one whose experience has enabled him to judge of these things, a bad habit may be prevented or corrected. But it is the application only that can confirm the precepts. Hence it is that there is no forming an orator, but when the attaining some object by the speaker elicits his powers. A man that has his life at stake, and what is next to this, has his daily bread to get by his mouth, will not miss the thought, the word, the pathos to accomplish his purpose. Hence it is that the bar is the only school in our government for real eloquence. In the deliberate assemblies, the speaker is thinking of his constituents, and is a slave sent forward to serve a party founded at home. I would sooner drag a cart than be a representative upon such conditions. Hence it is that a man of talents has no prospect in a public body, but to make himself unpopular; unless on some occasion when the people are alarmed for themselves, and party and intrigue is put down by the danger of the occasion. It is thus in a storm, or other perils in life, abilities are in request. At other times they are the object of envy, and combination to bring down.

Application to any science, and the acquisition of knowledge in general, is a drudgery in the first stages; and hence it is natural for the youth to excuse himself; and to hope that by the more easy exertion of his lungs, and the blowing of his mouth, he can supply the defect of thought. It is vexatious to the person who has the effect of solid reasoning, to find that blustering will go as far as it does; but it ought to be his consolation, and he will literally find it the fact, that of solid talents, it may be said, as it is said of truth, great is the force thereof, and it will prevail.

Magna est veritas, et prevalebit.

For solidity in mental talent is truth; and the appearance of intellect where it is not, is the false.

One of the best things that I ever heard by a lawyer to excuse himself to his client for having misled him in defending, or bringing a suit, I forget which, where he ought not; was on the honest man saying, did you not tell me I had the law on my side? And did I not tell the court so too? said the lawyer.—Did you? said the client. Yes. The man could say no more. It would have been unreasonable; especially as the advocate had made as much noise as any one could reasonably expect in asserting his conceptions. But had he been informed properly in his profession, his embarrassment might not have occurred, nor his presence of mind rendered it necessary; which, as it is what one cannot always command, it may be well to be without the necessity of it. Not that I mean to say, that any powers of intellect can anticipate what may be the way of thinking of a court and jury. There is such a thing as a bystander thinking differently from both. But that in general the public judgment, both as to merits of the cause, and the ability of those who manage or dispose, goes according to the truth. This is a consolation to the industrious; and the diligent student who places his dependence on solid, not on showy qualifications.

At the same time, the garnishing is not to be neglected. The voice is capable of formation in point of sweetness, as well as force. In point of sweetness, by diligent attention, and lending the ear to those who speak musically; in point of force, by exercise alone. It is as necessary to observe the key at which to begin to speak, as for a musician in singing; so that he may retain the command of his voice under every passion to be expressed. It is to be observed that reading well is a different talent from speaking; and does not altogether depend upon equal cultivation. I leave this to be accounted for; I only repeat the fact.

Action is the last; the ancients thought not least advantage of a speaker. That can be true only of the oratory proper for a popular assembly. That must be extremely guarded and chastised, that is used at the bar. For the least suspicion in the minds of a jury, that the passions are attempted, will excite distrust of even a good argument, and injure it. At the same time, while human nature is susceptible of the impressions of grace and dignity, the manner of an orator must have a great effect. Hence it is that I recommend even attention to dress; not so much in the cloth, as in the fullness, and flowing of the vestment, which appears to make the orator loom more.

I have an impression of having treated upon these particulars in the preceding pages, and that I may seem to repeat. But if any one finds fault, I charge him home with an expression of the scripture, "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, and there a little." It may be said that some of my lines, and precepts, and littles, may be pretty good; but that there is a great deal of trash. That this may be the case, I have acknowledged heretofore. But would the more valuable be read without the less? I applied to a hatter the other day to make me a hat; and requested him to make me one entirely of beaver, and not to mix racoon. The truth is, I thought he would charge me as much for the one as the other, and therefore I might as well have the best.—But he informed me that a little racoon mixed with the beaver would make a better hat than one all beaver. It may be so with my book, which is calculated for all capacities; and a mixture of images drawn from high and low life, with painting serious and ludicrous, may conduce to the being more read; and lasting longer in the world. Or should it not be read, and that object fail, it is amusing to one's self to indulge in variety; to discumb and to rise.

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CHAPTER XIV.

THE altercations which took place, were almost general with all ranks of the community, for the perfectibility of man and beast. And whereas some taking the side of the men, and others of the beasts, dwelt pretty much at large in their harangues, upon the want of talent, in the bulk of the community, to execute offices, or discharge trusts; so with others, whose argument was the indiscriminate capacity of all persons, it was contended that there was no man so destitute of natural powers as not to be fit for any office. Nay, what is more, that even less than what men in general possess, might suffice. As it is the nature of all contraries to run to opposite extremes, so it was even at length carried so far that some undertook to sport an opinion that even that degree of mother wit which some beasts possess, might suffice. In the heat of debate, in the warmth of argument, it was insisted on that the experiment ought to be made. Why did not the Governor appoint some quadruped to office, and see the result? Was there ever anything ascertained in matters of government, but from experience? Experience was the test of government. We did hear of horses and sheep being in office. This was meant as abuse; and might be the cause why a prejudice had been entertained in making these actually, and bona fide officers of government, or members of legislature.

It contributed much to give currency to this way of thinking that about this time there came a visionary man from the seat of the general government, who was called the visionary philosopher; and well indeed he might be so called; for he had adopted the opinion of the practicability of the civilizing beasts, and making them members of the community. It was with a view to reduce this system to practice, that he had made an excursion tot he new country, conceiving that prejudice in favour of the old system, would be less likely to be in a new country. He had been several months broaching the matter amongst the common people, which is always the way with innovators, before he thought proper to wait upon the Governor, and to broach it. This he had at length done. The Governor, as we have seen was a man of that mildness of character that he did not decline a conversation on the subject, though he thought it extremely absurd. But affecting to listen to his reasonings, he answered him at length with some abruptness, but in a tone of voice softened as much as the nature of the reply would admit.

It is a wild project, said he; but I see it must be tried. The people will have their way, and restraint will but dam up the current, and produce a flood that will produce an inundation, and carry all before it.

The people had been naturally led from the idea of property giving the right of suffrage, to that of the property itself exercising this right; and herds and flocks, propria persona, coming forward viva voce, or with a ticket; and this by an association of ideas, introduced that of being capable of being elected. But it did not occur to them untill suggested that the representative is chosen, or in contemplation of the constitution, supposed to be chosen for his superior knowledge and information over that of the constituent. At least it ought to be a principle upon which the selection is founded. And in the original of the English constitution, we find the representatives were called the wittena gemote, or the assembly of the wise men. Nor when it was suggested, did it stick much with them. Nevertheless, they thought it not amiss to give the beasts some education; provided their nature was improvable, which, from what was heard of the learned pig, could not longer remain doubtful.

"Man differs more from man, than man from beast."

says the poet. This being the case, it might be tried how far a four-footed creature could be taught the arts and sciences, or instructed in the principles of morality, or the rules of good breeding; not to go so far as to constitute colleges, and academies for their use; but common reading or writing, or, perhaps arithmetic as far as the rule of three.

There are philosophers who assert, with great plausibility, that the highest powers of reasoning, are but a gradation from vegetable life. If so, it must be a greater start from the tendril of a vine to a vermicular substance, than from a creeping thing to that which walks on all fours. From thence to the human species, is a leap not more extraordinary. That man may have been once an oyster, was the opinion of Darwin; but that he might have been at least a ground squirrel, was the opinion of the visionary philosopher. He was sanguine in the undertaking to instruct and civilize the brutes. Nay to fit them for offices, and the discharge of trusts in the community. He had caught a young panther, and, with a chain about its neck, had put it to study law with a young man of that profession, who wishing to get forward in business, thought it would do him no harm, though it might not do the panther much good.

There were those who bore testimony against this, being of opinion that lawyers were bad enough, even when made of the best materials. They were supported in this opinion by some reflecting persons who could not conceive that this animal could ever be made capable of explaining a matter to a jury; or stating a point of law to the court. What is it, said the philosopher, whether he may ever be able to explain himself intelligibly at the bar. Cannot he grin, bite, squeal, and shake his tail? Is it with sense, that a jury, or a court, are always moved most? I wish to prove that reason goes but a little way to make learned counsel. The main matter is to satisfy the client; who will be oftentimes better pleased to lose his cause in the hands of one that will make a noise, than to gain it by him who says little. At least he will have less scruple in paying him. For he will not say, you had not much trouble; you said but a word or two; not considering that a rifle shot, is more certain and deadly than any quantum of sound.

An ecclesiastic was at hand, who had an antipathy to vociferators, being himself a man of a weak voice; and took this opportunity to express himself against declaimers. It is true, said he, the sounds of rams' horns blew down the walls of Jericho; but that was a most extraordinary blast—

And not to be drawn into precedent, said a lawyer who was by—

It was an extraordinary blast, continued the ecclesiastic.

But the human voice is stronger than any wind, said the visionary philosopher. No wind blowing will shock an army like that of the shout of a main body about to engage, though since the invention of gunpowder, except among the savages, shouting is not in practice.

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CHAPTER XV.

NOTWITHSTANDING the governor's opinion seemed to be against him, yet the visionary philosopher still persisted in his idea that the brutal nature was capable of cultivation, if not in moral qualities, yet so far as respected the acumen ingenii or the powers of the understanding. He had before this time turned his attention to the instituting an academy, where he had a number of animals, of different species, and amongst them some squirrels which he had put to study algebra.

Harum Scarum thought he had better have begun with music, and taught them to play the fiddle.

No jibe or jeer could move the visionary man from his purpose. He argued that it had been the case with all experiments, that the bulk of mankind were incredulous to the first essays. And hence it was that in medicine, quacks had led the way in all improvements. In the profession of the law, precedent had enslaved. In mathematics, Erra Pater, that wrote the book of knowledge, was thought a visionary man, though since his time greater credit has been attached to the casting nativities. The diving bell was an invention of Sir William Phipps of New England, and no one had faith in the success of it until he actually explored the galleon at the Bahama Islands, and showed the treasure he had got from it. Paracelsus died with the secret in his mouth, of the elixir of longevity, owing to which accident, it is perhaps, that men do not live now to the age of a thousand years. Parrots, jays and blackbirds have been taught to speak; and why not squirrels and racoons?

With these reasonings in his head, he was busy instructing certain quadrupeds in their gesticulations, and grimaces, that had the appearance occasionally of disputants. The chattering which some of them exhibited, sounded not a great deal unlike,

Bocardo, cesario, ferio, baralipton,

Terms which logicians use.

A number of horned cattle in an inclosure, he was engaged in disposing to take the floor in turns like members of a legislative body. He had employed a stenographer to take down their speeches in short hand. With these he could use the same liberty that he had been used to take, with members of the human species, which was to make the speeches; or at least to new model them in such a way, as to be a caricature, or an improvement.

Stenographer, said the Governor, for he had the curiosity to visit this menagerie, when you make a speech for a bear, as for instance for that Bruin which I see chained, you will be careful to make it rough, surly and congruent to nature. The lowing of the cow, and the roaring of the bull, must be translated, into loud sounds, very different from the mewing of the cat, or the squealing of the pig.

By all means, said he, every thing in character.

Now said the Governor, with respect to a legislature of beasts, it will not be thought a matter of ridicule, to paraphrase what is said as spoken by a buffaloe; or to insinuate the insignificance of a member by calling him a ewe or an ass; or to designate his heaviness in debate by saying he is a horse; for in this case, all things will be without figure and the truth.

However, the people thought the man deranged; and, it would seem to me not without reason; especially when he had incurred considerable expense, in purchasing up subjects of tuition. He had trappers in the woods; and horse jockies employed to pick up lively colts that might seem to be of parts, and scarcely a drover passed through the settlement, with black cattle or swine, but he was bartering for a calf, or a sheep.

Application had been made to a magistrate for an order to confine him. On a habeas corpus, he was brought before the chief justice, and made his defence.

Chief Justice, said he, though you are blind, in a certain meaning of the term, yet I flatter myself, you can see pretty plainly into this matter. It does not follow that because a man is deficient in one sense, he is destitute of another. On the contrary it is well known by observers of human nature, that where one sense is denied, the remaining become stronger. Even where an arm or a limb is lost, of the human body, the arm or the limb which remains, acquires an increase of power as if to supply the want. Would Tiresias have ever passed for a prophet if he had not wanted outward sight? Or would Meonidas, have written his rhapsodies, or Milton his divine poem?

"So much the rather thou celestial light
Shine inward, and the mind through all her powers
Irradiate! There plant eyes! All mist from thence,
Purge and disperse!"

Not that I suppose that a man has equal advantage in describing an object who has never seen it, but takes his impressions from the description of others. For it must be rare, if a thing at all in nature, that a man can be a poet who is born blind; but having lived to a considerable age with his eye-sight, and received all the images of things upon his mind, from the originals themselves, it may be possible for him; nay it may be with advantage over others, that he can recollect these, and become more familiar with them in a reflex view, than if he was disturbed with the images themselves renewed from without. Certain it is that a man can think more deeply, and closely, with his eyes shut, than if he opened them on surrounding objects. Darkness and silence are favourable to contemplation——

Philosopher, said the chief justice, you do not seem to be a plain man in regard to thinking closely. You wander from the point. You are to be informed that you have been taken into the keeping of the law, not as a bad man, but as one standing in need of a protector, conceiving you under the calamity of being a little deranged in your nervous system, from a fever possibly, or some cause which constitutes a malady, not a crime. The enquiry is whether you are in your right mind; a suspicion to the contrary of which is excited by your congregating cattle and wild beasts, in order as you say, to civilize them, and to make them members of society.

Experiments of this kind have with great difficulty succeeded with the savages. And indeed, where they have succeeded, it has been chiefly to the southward, where the system is more relaxed, and the temper mild. It appears madness in the abstract, to talk of humanizing brutes, that are behind savages, and at a great interval.

That I deny, said the philosopher.

Haud magno, intervallo, said the Latin schoolmaster.

I say that many of the human species are not before the brutal.

"Man differs more from man than man from beast."

These things are figuratively spoken, said the chief justice. In poetry or prose, the meaning is no more than that a portion of our species, have so far degraded themselves by obedience to the sensual appetite, that like beasts they lose the face erect to heaven, and constantly looking down upon their tables, without mental enjoyment; or, that from a neglect of the cultivation of moral reason, they may seem to want but the horn or the hoof, to be like the cattle that graze the commons. This is no more than the sentiment of Plato, which with the expression in which it is clothed, is given by Longinus, as an example of the sublime.

I am not just so far lost to reason, said the philosopher, as to take figures for realities. I know that a figure is but a short simile; or fable, hit off in a few words; and that orators or satyrists, among the poets, or philosophers in their moral essays, by their burstings and castings, mean no more than to dissect insignificance or degradation or sensual indulgence. It is not their intention to communicate the idea that men actually become quadrupeds; though I have seen some not far from it. But still this does not affect the question, how far the nature of beasts may be improvable. But admitting the absurdity of the attempt, and that it carries with it a presumption of derangement of the brain, is the insanity prejudicial to the community? It can be but time thrown away, which supposing me a man beside myself, cannot be of great value. I purchase all my stock that I employ my pains upon, with the exception of a few that have been bestowed to me. I had a present made me of an elk from the mountains. This I am forming for an ambassador, for which if he does not turn out fit, he can be disposed of to a museum. Why should it be thought impossible to instruct the four-footed creatures, and render them capable of suffrage, it not of office? I have a great deal of trouble with them in my school, it is true, for they are apt to play truant. A young fox broke off the other day, and I have not been able to recover him.

The discipline which I find it necessary to enforce is not the mildest. I use a pretty rude ferule; and I have occasion to exert authority, to quicken parts and application.

If I succeed, in bringing these sans culottes to be good citizens, I shall have deserved well of the republic; and if I should fail, no one's labour is lost but my own. Experiments in every other way are indulged; and even patents granted, where the invention has but the appearance of succeeding. Why may I not be allowed to turn my attention to the making a justice of the peace out of an elk, or a judge out of a buffaloe, if the thing is possible? Especially, as instead of making a demand for my production, if I should be so fortunate as to be able to furnish these out of my manufactory, it will cost the state nothing for the education, and as to the officers themselves, the forage will be less expensive; in some cases a few tufts; in others, a little grain will suffice. If a horse-judge is invited to dine, a peck of oats, of grass or corn, and a bundle of hay in the stable and truss of straw to litter him at night, will be all that will be wanted. This will be a great saving to poor rogues that may wish to have it said that a judge dined with them; not that they care for the judge, but that people may think they have the law on their side. I say that hospitality in this way, will be less expensive, and economy, if not a moral, is at least a political virtue.

But independent of these contingent advantages and barely possible, if you please, advantages, the money circulated in the settlement by this instruction; or a college of any kind which cannot but bring money, must increase the value of property.

This last argument was popular, and struck the crowd, de circumstantibus. Several counsel present, as friends of the court put in a word, catching at popularity, and gave their opinions that they know of no statute in the case; and that, by the common law, every man had a right to traffic in such purchases; and that no enquiry could reasonably be made when a man bought a pig, whether he meant to make a scholar of him, or a barbecue.

The chief justice inclined to be of the same opinion, and the prisoner was enlarged.

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CHAPTER XVI.

IT is a melancholy consideration to consider how nearly the brutal nature borders on the human; because it leads to a reflection that the difference may be in degree, not in kind. But on the most diligent consideration that I have been able to give the subject, it would seem to me, that no reasonable doubt can exist of there being a distinction in kind. The brutal creation is not improvable beyond a certain limit; and that limit is reached at an early period, without pains taken to inform. The mind of a beast grows up to its size as naturally as its body. And though the capacity of a man of a very heavy nature may seem not a great deal beyond that of a sagacious quadruped of some species; yet it is capable of continual enlargement; and, at the latest years of his life, until perfect superanuation, is susceptible of new impressions. If the strength of judgment in comparing objects, cannot be improved; yet the sphere of thinking can be extended. His ideas can be infinitely increased. What carries with it the appearance of virtue, in a faithful quadruped, seems to be the feeling of its nature, and not the result of any reflex sentiment of duty and obligation.

Except certain noises, peculiar to their natures, and of which all of the species are possessed, as soon as they receive existence, and which is an untaught language, we have no evidence of ideas in their minds annexed to sounds. Much less is there a capacity of a variation of articulation to any extent, worth mentioning. A traveler of good sense, who has seen the Cafrarian; or whatever other species, under the denomination of the creature man, at the lowest grade, would not despair if it was imposed on him as a condition to reserve himself from slavery or death, that he must take a young person from amongst that people, and teach it any language, or science, or abstract principle of knowledge; but if it was made the condition that he should take the seemingly most intelligent of the quadrupeds of the countries he has visited, and teach any thing like what is called a rational acquisition, he would say the attempt is not worth making; it is impossible. The seven wise masters or mistresses of Greece—alluding to a popular book under that title—the philosophers of antiquity, or of modern times, employed for an indefinite space, would never teach him more in reality than he possessed in the woods from whence he came. He might be taught to connect certain movements of the body with those shewn him; and by imitation led to make them, under fear of the whip, but that is all. It is humiliating to think that brutes of whose post-existence we have no hope, have even so near an approach to our natures. But it is consolatory that there seems to be something like demonstration that they are so far behind: that it is not in degree of intellect, but in kind, that they differ; and that difference is so immense, that it is not unreasonable to entertain the idea of a totally different destination. This is reasoning from the laws of nature as to the destination of the human mind, and on which the philosopher must dwell with pleasure, as aiding what those who believe in revelation adduce as the grounds of their faith. For there can be no philosopher, who, whatever doubts he may have of religion, can be without a wish that it may be true. What is it more than being certain of what, even supposing it not to be revealed, yet the imagination of a man would contrive for himself as painting his glory, and his happiness? What is that which we call revelation, but a system of ideas representing a prospect ennobling to our natures; and which, if not revealed, must at least be the conception of great and good minds intent on what would constitute the grandeur and felicity of the creature man?

We have no means of getting at the exercise of the mind of a beast; so that we cannot say what may be the limit of their cogitations. But no one observing them has ever been able to trace any thing like an idea of what they have been; or a fear of what they may be. No uneasiness of mind seems to hang upon them from this source. Yet this anxiety is given so strong to our nature that it is the constant subject of our thoughts: our reasonings concerning it are infinite; our aerial castles which we build, even where they are the mere effect of imagination, are without end. We people all nature with beings for ourselves, even where we are not. What might have been Theogonies anterior to the time of Moses, in Egypt, and other parts of Africa, we cannot ascertain; but from the history of the Jews, we have considerable information relative to that of Syria; at least of Palestine, the part of Syria, more immediately adjoining.

The heathen mythology, particularly so denominated, presents an immense scope; and which, with the poets, is yet preserved. It is a part of a learned, or even of a polite education, to be made acquainted with this system in order to understand the allusion of the fine writer, ancient and modern! What an immense exercise, and employment of the human mind must it not have been to build up such a system. However false we may suppose this peopleing with celestial powers, or earthly divinities, it cannot but be consolatory to reflect that it makes a boundary at all times distinct, between the human mind, however in darkness, and that of what we consider the mere animal creation.

We have but partial and obscure information of the systems of other nations, contemporary with the Greeks and Romans. But we see in what we have of these, the like evidence of activity, pressing beyond the bounds of what we see before our eyes, and fashioning to our minds images of existence. The nature of these, is usually a proof of the duration and refinement of a people.

Where the imagination was limited by the doctrines of revelation under the Mosaic, or Christian dispensation; as to the unity of the deity, and ministers of good or evil to man, how unlimited have been the excursions of the fancy, and the subtleties of the Intellect, in the subdivisions of credence! The Talmud and the Targum of the Jews present us an immense field. The polemic divinity of the christian schools, is more within our knowledge; taught in some section of the church, to the catechumeni, or propounded, in the pulpits. These disquisitions show the wonderfully metaphysical nature of the human mind.

On the contrary, there seems to be no trace of hope or fear, with regard to futurity, in the mind of a brute. I have observed with great attention, and I could never discover any symptom, in the smallest degree, of that horror which is felt by man at the view of a dead body. This horror arises from the ideas associated with the view, that it is the remains of a man. The revulsion of mind which is felt at being in the dark, especially with a dead body, seems not in the most distant degree, participated with any of the hairy or feathered tribes, neither in respect of dead creatures of their own species, or of the human. No shyness of a church yard, has ever been remarked. Tales of apparitions, are told in the hearing of domesticated animals, without the least symptom of that fear of being left alone which afflict families where there are nurses, whose memories are stored with relations of this nature. Memoirs of the Fairy kingdom, have no effect upon a dog, or a cat.

But where is the heaviest of the creature called human, that is not affected? Nay, perhaps, liable to be affected the most. There would, therefore, even from this small ground of argument, be reason to infer that whatever may be said, in figures of speech, or however really man may degrade himself; yet, in the scale of being, the lowest is by an infinite distance in his nature above a beast.

That gregarious animals are susceptible of a kind of civil government, is certain. But their regulations seem to be a law of their nature; at all times the same; without changes in any country, or at any period. I do not remark this, as refuting the reveries of the visionary philosopher, but as going in deduction to the establishment of the above position. As to the philosopher, I have dwelt long enough upon his reverie, which I thought might amuse young persons, and I omit what further occurred, the contrivance of Harum Scarum, and Will Watlin, to confirm him in his hypothesis. This was to dress themselves in hair and bear skins, and to pass with him by running upon all fours, for educated cubs that had been taught languages. These were frolics of which the governor did not approve; for it is not becoming, to be amused at the expense of persons deprived either of the gifts of reason, or of the goods of fortune.—It might not perhaps be blameable to be diverted at the mistake of some weak people, who were imposed upon, and became alarmed at the idea of their being candidates for the legislature, at the next election, and sent forward to take a seat. This was what the wags threatened in their disguise; and when the caprice of suffrage was considered, who could tell but that the apparent quadrupeds might make good what they spoke.

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CHAPTER XVII.

IT had struck ingenious persons that the popular opinion of beasts speaking, and being taught to speak, might be turned to some account. Hence it was that two young men, with a cart from New-England, coming through the settlement, and vending tin wares, or exchanging them for other articles, in order to sell again at a profit, projected the idea of inveigling some rustic simpleton, and dressing him in the skin of a wild beast, put him in the vehicle, and pass him for a speaking Panther, or cat of the mountain; or what else they might think most likely to take with the multitude. Accordingly being in quest of some straggling individual, they got sight of the bog-trotter, and dogging him to a hay-loft, into which he had crept to take a nap, they cast a noose about his neck, and dragging him to their receptacle, put him in their cage. A panther's skin which seemed to accord with the colour of his hair, was thought a suitable disguise with which to invest him; and this they had at hand, having in the course of this exchange, procured it amongst other peltry, which they had in a bale on the top of their carriage. They found he could speak, but in a dialect which they did not well comprehend; nor perhaps could other people, and therefore the more suitable, as they thought, for their purpose, as having the appearance of articulation, but of a beast not yet brought to express himself with a correct idiom of any language. For these itinerant traders being from the eastward, and what are called Yankees, did not understand the vernacular of the west of Ireland, of which country Teague was.

Having cased him in the panther's hide, they exhibited him as one of this species, and giving him a touch of the whip now and then, and causing him to exclaim, in the language of complaint, they proved to a demonstration, that a beast might be taught to speak.

The bog-trotter, in the mean time, had been missed, and something in the nature of a hue and cry had been raised on his account. Being found in the possession of the vagrants, they were questioned on the nature their property by the officers who had detected him; though this was not until they had him in their custody several days, and had made money by the impostion. The detection of the fraud was unavoidable, being exhibited to so many, some of whom had been acquainted with the peculiar idiom of his brogue; so that suspicion first arising of the kidnapping, it came to certainty by the investigation. The robbers, as they might be called, were apprehended by a warrant from the chief justice, and brought before him. The attorney general, Harum Scarum, was very warm of the occasion, and disposed to prosecute them, though not being well skilled in the law, he could not well tell for what; or in what shape to send up the indictment; whether for larceny, or burglary, or arson. But he gave the act and deed, many hard names, which he had heard of in the law. The chief justice thought it but a trespass, in legal contemplation, though of a very aggravated nature, and could not but lay a ground for an action of damages.

Young men, said he, you are from a country of steady habits; but these are not the habits in which it behooves to be steady. I have heard much of the religion or rather hypocrisy of your country. They tell me you choose a chaplain when you go to steal a pig for a thanksgiving day; or plot against the government. Not that I undertake to censure your stealing a pig, provided it is for a religious purpose; because it is amongst yourselves, and these are matters with which those that are without may not have a right to meddle. But your stealing a man from himself, and from the community to whom he may be useful, though in law, it may not come under the denomination of stealing, under all circumstances, and where it is not to take him out of the country, yet is at least a very aggravated trespass, and in what is called a civil action, may subject to very high damages. And this, I say not as anticipating the trial of the cause, if a suit should be brought, but with a view to a compromise. You are not aware of the injury to the individual which must depend somewhat upon the dignity of the person trespassed on; and the injured in the case, is no less a person than one who has been a candidate for a seat in congress, and might have been a successful candidate, had he submitted to the canvass in his favour for that delegation. But he has been actually in the capacity of a judge, and sat upon a bench. It s not long since, that the people of this country would have made him major general, but for his own modesty that declined it, which I could wish others had done, who had, perhaps, less brain to be shot away by a cannon ball. It is alleged that he was wrought upon by his fears in declining the commission, as it might subject him to greater danger, with his uniform and his epaulets in an engagement. Riflemen, or what the Europeans denominate sharp shooters, might take him off when he came to reconnoitre, or was discovered in the advance of an engagement. But whether fear or modesty led him to decline the honour, so it is that he was thought worthy of the command, if the Governor had thought proper to give him the commission, o he could have reconciled it to himself to have accepted of it. I mention these things, not as approving the making bog-trotters generals, or advancing them merely because a chance circumstance has given them the eclat of fortune. For in war fortune avails much. Nor do I undervalue natural talents; for I can suppose a man drawing a plough, with his gears on, and to have his traces cut, and turned loose in a command, and far surpassing in the talents of a commander, another who had had all the science and all the experience that military schools and campaigns can give. But a presumption of abilities cannot but arise from education, and experience. There is something like certainty in the one, there is but accident in the other. But dropping this, I return to your misdemeanor; not what the law calls a misdemeanor; for that is a crime, and this at least borders on a crime; but, unquestionably, as respects the community, you have been guilty of a great indecorum. I admit, you would not think it an offence, or at least a great offence, in your land of steady habits, where the second table of the law has been almost struck out of the decalogue, and the ceremonies of religion, and observances of these, have taken place of justice to man. It would be of less consequence, if you cheated a little in the way of your trumpery that you vend, or exchange through the country. But to purloin a valuable member of society, even if you did not mean eventually to detain him, is a transgression not easily reconcilable to a pure conscience and a good mind. But it is a maxim of the law, as well as of the gospel, or rather the law has derived it from the gospel, "talk with thine adversary whilst thou art in the way with him." This is the foundation of our imparlances in the law, or the time given to speak with; so that as there is a tavern, or what is called an ordinary there, not far-off, I would recommend it to you young men, to take the bog-trotter aside, and, after eating and drinking together, you might perhaps come to terms.

Agreeable to the hint given, the young men took the bog-trotter away to the public house, in his panther's habit as he was, and the presumption is, that a compromise did take place; for, in the language of law writs, there was no more clamour heard on that head for defect of justice.

The like finesse, but in a different way, though with the same view of making money out of the phrenzy of the country, was practised; a couple of speculating men, the one in the dress of a man, the other in the costume of a beast. For it had been agreed that the one should personate a publican, or inn-keeper, the other, who was the smaller man, should pass for the bar-keeper; and, to disguise the human form, he was invested with the skin of a wild cat. The tail had remained appended to it, and as the physiognomy of a cat somewhat approaches to that of a man, the skin drawn over the features, with the same orifice for mouth and eyes, unless to a very nice examination, there was no difference. The multitude of those that came to see the hotel, would not admit of the possibility of a metamorphose, but insisted that the bar-keeper was a real cat of the mountain. The faculty of speech, which it evidently had, made it the more interesting. For, as to having speech, there was no doubt; it spoke several languages, German and low Dutch, French and English. But whether it was a real beast or not, was the question. If it was a beast, and could speak, all admitted that the problem was solved, and it no longer remained an hypothesis, that there were beasts who spoke naturally, or that they could be brought to speak. There were amongst the incredulous, doubtless, some men of understanding and sagacity, and who reasoned from the laws of nature, and the analogy of the parts, there being no organs of speech to a brute creature; but abstract reasoning was borne down, by the testimony of the fact, the majority affirming, and actually believing, that it was a cat, and nevertheless was endued with the faculty of articulate speech. The inn-keeper, who affected to be a person of veracity, averred that he had known him when he was first brought from the mountains, an active skipping cat, without the smallest cultivation, or capacity of articulating a syllable, save in its own mother tongue, and a kind of mew that cats have; but that in the course of three years that he had had him as a waiter in France, Holland, Germany, and England, he had acquired sufficient of the languages of those countries to converse, or at least to understand sounds, and answer calls in German, French, &c.

There was not a word of truth in all this, I mean in the bar-keeper having been a cat, any more than a turkey-buzzard, but the whole fiction of the man who passed for land-lord, acquiesced in, and sanctioned by him who passed for the bar-keeper, and this to their mutual interest and by their joint contrivance. And, nevertheless, it was as firmly believed for a considerable length of time as Redheiffer's perpetual motion, a thing not less against the laws of nature, than even the speech of beasts. As in the case of Redheiffer, so also here, the press was, in some instances, on the side of the credulous, and there was at least one editor who menaced all the invectives of his journal against any one who should presume to express a doubt of the fact. All that existed short of Redheiffer's case, was the appointment of a committee by the legislature, to ascertain and make report. Even at this day, when the bubble has burst, there are those who will excuse their belief, by saying that if the little bar-keeper was not a cat, he was at least as nimble as a cat. So that if they cannot get him to be what they had taken him to be, they will have him something that resembles it.

When the Governor came to interrogate Teague as to the treatment he had received in the tin cart, and the manner in which he had been apprehended, and put in it. He gave the following account.

By de holy faders, said he, I was tired trotting about de country, and just tought dat I would turn in, and slape a wink in a hay-loft, when dese spalpeens, de one wid a shilelah, and de oder wid a whip, tod me I was a wild baste dat could spake. I said, de devil a bit o' me was a wild baste more dan deir honours, but an honest Irishman from de county Drogheda. Wid dat one knocked me down, and de oder gave me a cut wid de whip, and marched me into dat cart yonder, and kept me dere two days, and make me spake to de paple, as if I was de panther dat had been skinned, but not to tell dat I was de bog-trotter; treatning to shoot me dead, if I should own dat I was de Governor's sharvant. I had de devil's own time, bad luck to dem, wid deir raw mate dey trew into my cage, save once or twice a dumplin, to shew de paple dat I wad ate like a Christian baste; which I had learned, at de same time dat I was taught to spake wid my tongue, as dey said. I could spake wid de tear in my eye; but de devil a word I dared to say; or to tell fat I was, more dan dif I had a potato in my mouth. De big fellow, o' de two, would order me out of de cage, to shew de paple dat I could stand on my hind feet, and dance like a human crature, as well as spake something. But we made all up wid a good trate, as de old gentleman, de chief justice, his honour recommended; and if dat had not been in de way, I would have broke deir heads for dem, widout more compassion dan I would a snake or a tarrapin.

The governor recommended him to be cautious of going into barns or hay lofts, or rambling far, as this was a new country, and the times were troublesome. It could not be anticipated, what it might be put into the people's heads to do with him, or with any one else, or what projectors, or itinerant speculators might set on foot next. It had been by great good fortune that he had been discovered, and rescued from these Yankees before they had got him off to their own country, whence they might have taken him to England, and shewn him to old John Bull.

————

CHAPTER XVIII.

THE preceding painting may be considered as extravagant; and exceeding all probability; the voting of beasts. But is it a new thing in the history of government that the right of suffrage should be made to depend upon property? No man shall be entitled to a vote unless he is worth so much, say some of the constitutions. In this case is it not his property that votes? If this property consists in cattle, can it be said that his cattle do not vote? Ergo, a cow or a horse, in some communities have the privilege of a vote in the enacting laws. If some of them, who belong to hard hearted masters, knew of this privilege, and could exercise it to the whole extent of their wishes, they would stipulate with the candidate, for milder treatment in the drudgery in which they are employed. I have seen many a horse, that considering matters individually; and apart from the nature, I have thought more respectable than the owner; and yet this horse most unmercifully treated. The only universally distinguishing criterion of humanity, that I know is, the mild treatment of every creature that has feeling, and is in our power. This ought to be inculcated as a moral duty. But as to beasts in propria persona, voting, not just giving a ticket for themselves, but standing by and grunting and neighing, or grinning, it may be thought too much yet. But why should it be thought altogether out of the compass of possibility? After what I have seen and heard of mankind, I should not wonder at such a thing taking place. Of what absurdity is not the human mind capable? Who would think it possible were it not a fact established by ten thousand testimonies, that human sacrifice could ever have been thought acceptable to the divinity; It is easy to trace the origin of the idea, and the policy of the sacrifice of cattle; because it facilitated to an order of men who did not labour, the means of livelihood. And unless we suppose that the custom of human sacrifice began amongst men that were cannibals, I am at a loss to account for it. It may be considered as still more absurd, that a creature, supposed rational, as man, could be so far irrational as to think that the punishment of himself could be acceptable to divinity, unless taken in this light, that the present smart might help weak minds to refrain from the like wrong they have done; connecting the flaggellation with the memory of it. Hence it may be said, that it is not out of nature, to ascribe any thing however absurd to the creature man.

The line of the poet Pope applied to an individual, may be parodied, and applied to the whole species.

"The greatest, basest, meanest of all kind."

If it should be found, as I hope it will, some hundred years hence, that no innovator in a republican government, has at that time thought of extending suffrage in this manner, will he be sure that it is not owing to my ridicule that the thing has not taken place? If a chapter like this had been written in the course of the revolution from the government of Britain, representing the body of the people in some state, as reprobating the common law, and calling out for its abrogation, would it not have been thought extravagant, and intended as a burlesque upon the republican institutions of the country? And yet we have seen this actually pressed and not far from being carried. It amounts to the same thing as having no law at all. For it is experience that has made that law; dictated by the wants of man successively brought to view. And to begin again, we must be in the situation of those who had no law; and therefore the proposition was to be without law; and to have law only as a legislature, from occasion to occasion, could enact,—the case that first happened, could have no principle, that could apply to it; that must be provided for the second: and at the end of a thousand years, we might have such a body of laws, as that which is proposed to be abolished. I say we might have; but it would be a rare chance if we should, for it would require the continuance of a free government all that time to give it.—How should a man be sensible of this, that had not traced the history of that law, and examined the nature of it? It could not be expected from one who had confounded its perversions with the law itself. If when the constitutions of these states were formed, after much reflection of the ablest judges, and the people had solemnly, and deliberately adopted them, it had been stated by any writer, that in the short period, of perhaps not more than twenty years, innovators, not born in the country, or born late, and having no experience of what had past, should assume the language of what they call reform, to the extent they have done in some places, would it be believed? Nay, would it not have been rejected as outraging all probability? Suppose it had been part of the prediction that these innovators should come, the principal of them, from the country with whom we were then at war, and these not the most intelligent of them, and that the body of our people should be wrought upon, in any degree by their representation, would it have been thought at all likely to happen? There is no knowing to what the love of novelty may bring the human mind. It is a strange compound of the rational and irrational, and it is only by turns that the rational predominates.—"Thinkest thou me a dog, that I can do these things?" said Hazael. Thinkest thou me a beast, may one say to me, that I could advocate the suffrages of beasts, or of giving them the elective franchise? Yes: human nature, I do think you capable of being brought to such absurdity, or to any thing else you please to call it. It is true, I do not see you at this moment offering up your children, or even enemies, as sacrifices to please a divinity, which out-herods Herod, in all conceptions; yet I hear doctrines published, and see them in books, which are still worse. For their divinities, with the exception of the case of Jeptha and his daughter, were the false divinities of the heathen world; and might be supposed to delight in the miseries of mortals; though what good they could get by that, I cannot comprehend. But in the doctrines which I have in view, a good deity, and even represented as good, by those blasphemers, without knowing it, is holden out as having created existences, the sum of whose misery may exceed the happiness. Nay, even the escape from the excess of misery above that of happiness, may depend upon a charm. For the idea of felicity in a future state depending upon subtilties of creeds, is placing it upon the mere accident of situation, and the casualty of belief. Yet if one were to deny to some doctors the truth of what they teach, they would be disposed to treat the individual as not a good citizen. It is true, they would only say, they did not think him a good citizen. But I would say to them, that I did not think them Christians at all, so far as regarded opinion, whatever they might be in practice. For the Christian religion is a system of humanity, and truth; and the great object of it is to secure morality amongst men. It has no metaphysics in the nature of it; but is intelligible to a child, though catechisms are not.

————

CHAPTER XIX.

IT being some time since the preceding part of this memoir has been published, and an opportunity given of hearing the strictures and criticisms, that have been made, or passed upon it; it has not escaped the knowledge of the author, that some have thought the particulars, in some instances, extravagant, and bordering on the incredible; which is contrary to the maxim of sticking at leas to the appearance of truth. But how can any one undertake to say what is extravagant, or what is incredible? Who is there, at this day, that will call in question the truth of the rise and progress of the Corsican adventurer—and yet this borders on the marvellous? At a future day, when the lights of history have been obscured, who knows but his adventures, when written, may be laid on the same shelf with those of Amadis of Gaul, Don Bellianis of Greece; or a small book entitled the Seven Champions of Christendom? It is in the cards, to use a phrase taken from the gamblers, and not at all improbable, that his fall may be as rapid, and not less extraordinary than his ascent.*

[*This was written some years ago. In fact, the greater part of this volume is printed from scraps furnished by the author, from his port folio, in consequence of our signifying an inclination to publish a new edition of his work.

Note to the former edition.]

It is perhaps somewhat owing to a defect in the narration, that an air of improbability is thrown upon a history, by not entering sufficiently into a detail of the transactions. There is a remarkable instance of this in the history of the American war by Ramsey, in which he notices the capture of three vessels, and 1500 men of the British by a stratagem. Perhaps not 1500, for I have not the book before me; but certainly some hundreds. All this by four of a Georgia regiment and an old negro, a waiter. It was in all the Gazettes of the time; but the details were not given. It is also mentioned by General Lee, in his memoirs; who, though he gives some particulars, yet is not minute in his statement of the circumstance. There is no doubt of the fact, however; nor would it appear doubtful to any one, provided the circumstances were minutely stated, which led to the success. But it is not consistent with the object of this work, to introduce this narrative by way of episode. I mention it only as an instance, that the improbable is not always false. The study of brevity, is a cause of the omission of incidents; an unwillingness to detain the reader. And yet the great charm of ancient historians, is the minuteness of painting. But I will say for myself and at the same time it may be an apology for other historians, that the extreme study of brevity arises frequently from too much sensibility to public opinion; too great a fear of wearying the reader. We are not sure that what we relate is of sufficient importance to engage attention; and we endeavor to crowd the more into a narrow space. This is an attempt to make up by condensing, what the material itself wants in quality.

But the want of probability has not been an observation in the mouths of all the readers of this work. On the contrary it has been thought by some, that the incidents have been all common and natural, that there is nothing improbable in them; and that the triteness of occurrence, rather than the unusual, and extravagant, ought to be the objection. What extraordinary can there be, say some, in such a creature as Teague O'Regan receiving appointments to office, or being thought qualified for the discharge of the highest trusts? Do we not see instances every day of the like? Is it possible to say how low the grade of human intellect that may be thought capable of transacting public business? It will be seen in the subsequent part of this narrative, that the joke has been carried farther than the lowest possible capacity of what is found amongst men; not just a block of wood, for that would be assigning intellectual functions to an inanimate substance. And yet, even this has not been without parallel in the history of the human mind, as to what has been one subject of the belief of nations. Did not some even make gods of stocks and stones, assigning them celestial natures, and placing them aove a mortal existence? Under this impression, some have been forward enough to tell me, that, so far from my bog-trotter being a burlesque upon human credulity and pretension to office, that the bulk of men in office are below even his qualifications; and that if I were to go into any deliberative body, and pull out the first man that occurred to me, nine times out of ten, I would find that I had a Teague O'Regan by the shoulders. I have no idea that things are just brought to this pass, notwithstanding there may be colour for the allegation. For undoubtedly there is nothing in which men are less disposed to question their fitness, than in what regards the endowments of the mind. A horse not a hunter, will not leap a five-bar gate, nor attempt a ditch of the same number of feet in width, unless he is greatly pushed by the rider. For the animal will have the sagacity to look and compare the distance with what he has been accustomed to surmount. But such is the sanguine temperament of the human mind, that who is there that does not think himself equal to any undertaking? This is the moral of this book, and the object of setting the example of the bog-trotter before the people; not as what is universal in every instance of a candidate for office; but as an instance of what is too common, and which ought to be avoided rather than imitated. For be assured that, as far as my observation goes, it is not the way to happiness, to court an advancement by a rise that is unnatural, or to think of being respectable by the mere possession of office, or delegation. The point of honour in such case, is rather that of a private station. But it is experience only, that, with an individual, or with the public, can sufficiently extablish a conviction of this truth.

It will be said, why has the narrative been so long suspended? For it is now some years since the history had been brought down to the Captain, with his pedeseque to the settlement; and the sequel of the history begins at this point. The fact is, it was not suspended as to the waiting; but only as to the publication. For it will be seen that the incidents had not only occurred in the year 1805—6, but that they had been committed to paper, with the observations accompanying them, nearly at that time. For it was in those years that the convulsion of public opinion took place, with regard to the formation of a new constitution; and that we had that great struggle in this state to preserve ours; with analogy to which, the disquietude of the public mind, in the new government, has been depicted. For the passions of men being always the same, under like circumstances, they will show the like ebullitions. It must be admitted that, under this new government, the reverses, as they may very properly be stiled, were much more extravagant . And if it is considered as having a relation to what has happened, elsewhere, or has actually happened any where, it must appear outre, as the French style it, and beyond the life. And therefore in the application, I give notice that it is to be taken cum grano salis, or with a reasonable drawback. Nullum simile est idem: nor does every picture run upon all fours. There is a likeness and a better likeness; a resemblance and an exact picture. But a caricature is not to come under the rules of painting from the life, or to the life; but, on the contrary, of giving you to know what is intended; but at the same time showing you something different from the ting itself; in other words, suppressing the beauties, and giving the faults. For, where the graces and deformities are mixed in the object, you are apt to fall in love with the deformities, for the sake of the graces. Did any one ever see an imitator who did not copy the defects, even though he did not mean to do it? I say nothing of Alexander's courtiers having their necks awry; for that is a common place illustration. But I myself once knew an orator, an man of great powers, who had a kind of grin when he spoke; this, accompanied by some very noble flights of fancy, was rendered pleasing by what followed; but, when catched by the imitator, was displeasing. So that what took place in this state being followed, and carried to excess in the new government, would seem scarcely the same, though it might be evident that it was the same, not in degree, but in kind. But it is with a view to serve future times, that these things are handed down. For the cupidity of man still continuing the same, the like convulsions at no distant day will occur, and unless well managed, will terminate in the overthrow of liberty, For it is only by the permanence of establishments that are constituted on the basis of freedom that liberty can be preserved. And if constitutions once come to be played with, like battle-doors, there is an end of stability. Every new man must have a new constitution; for he will wish one to suit himself; and he will have no doubt but that he can make one, that will at least have in it what he wants.

Will there be any end to the projects of innovators, in matters of law and government; especially where the most uniformed are equally entitled to an opinion with those of the greatest experience, or the deepest thought? And to exclude any from the right of having an opinion in public affairs is impracticable, consistent with the enjoyment of liberty. The principle of the right must be acknowledged; what is more, it must be preserved and cultivated. It is only by reason or by ridicule, that what is excessive in the exercise of the right, and erroneous in the deductions of the mistaken, can be corrected.

In the propagation of a new religion, or in a new tenet of a particular faith, what is moderate will be likely to prevail in the opinions of men. The absurd is always the most popular, and this upon the principle that artificial tastes are stronger than the natural; and what produces the greatest excitement, is most pleasing to the mind. Hence it is that mere morality, and the dictates of nature and truth in the conduct of men, are undervalued, in comparison of the dogmata of fanatical faiths. Unintelligible reveries are better relished in the pulpit than just reasoning, on the principles of right and wrong in the actions of men; and incomprehensible theological disquisitions are put into the hands of young people, as more substantial food for the mind than precepts of moral truth, which every step in life will bring into practice and explain.

END OF BOOK III.

————

APPENDIX.

————

THE fact is, that some years ago, hearing of the death of George the third, king of Great Britain, the thought occurred to me, which has been expressed in a preceding chapter, of that monarch coming down to the borders of the Styx, and claiming immunity from ferriage on the score of being a customer of so long standing, and to so great an amount, in sending down shades. And as a few doggerel verses were struck off by me at a public house where I was detained during a snow storm, it has come into my mind, by way of varying the entertainment of this book, to give these, as I happen to have the paper by me; and those who may not like it well in prose, may relish it in a sort of measure; especially as it is drawn out to greater length, and with some variation of expression, though the ideas be, in substance, the same. It is thus, that an entertainment is diversified by having the same food dressed in a different manner, by culinary preparation. The same fish, flesh, or fowl, boiled and roasted, are not rejected because they are the same. I have not leisure, nor the documents from whence to collect a statement of the wars with the different people, and the probable bloodshed of these wars. But it would seem to me, that in few reigns has there been more than under that of the king of England, taking into view what he may have ended or have left on hand. The Dialogue is supposed to be as follows.

GEORGE III. CHARON, MERCURY.

When George came to the Stygian flood,
Quoth Charon in his surly mood,
Advance, and pay the ferriage due;
Which George in dudgeon took; What! you
Demand me ferriage, who, scot free
May claim to navigate this sea;
Have been so good a customer,
And ship'd you cargoes many a year;
At least a million in my time,
Of every origin and clime;
Abatement of a single copper;
But treated as an interloper;
A trespasser upon your docks,
And funds arising from your stocks.
Do you distinguish whom you have
About to enter in your nave;
And honour to your portage bring;
No common phantom, but a king?
Quoth Mercury, and cock'd his eye,
Who, with his rod, was standing by;
This is king George the III. d'ye see,
Charon, his British majesty;
Not that St. George who slew the dragon,
And hack'd and hew'd some centuries agone;
But George, a namesake, and more skill'd
In cabinet, if not in field,
To deal about him better blows,
And knock down men instead of cows;
A very hero, in his day,
And murderer, in sort of way,
By ministers and means of war.
D—n me, quoth Charon, if I care,
A hero or a man of Gotham;
'Tis all the same to me to boat him.
But if a champion of such mettle,
Surpassing far your common cattle;
Where are the badges of his order,
And his certificates of murder;
Accoutrement of lance and horse,
To tilt a tournament, and spurs,
And helmet with the beaver down;
The enemy to charge upon,
And other matters in campaign,
That have cut short the lives of men?
More like, he seems to me, to kill
A sheep; or rather like to steal.
Charon, quoth Mercury, a wag
You always were; and bullyrag.
In this your rhapsody of nonsense,
You know you speak against your conscience,
And do not believe the half you say;
For, a mere devil in his way,
His head, if not his hand, has sent
A million to your continent,
As I have a good right to know,
Charg'd with the driving them below;
And, from the multitude, can vouch
He has put thousands in your pouch;
For not since Noah's flood, or yont,
Has boating turn'd to such account;
As since this man took to the trade;
The myst'ry of knocking on the head;
Not by his individual arm;
For that did very little harm;
But by his cabinet of crimes,
War, manufactures of his times.
Have you not found your toll increase
Beyond your customary fees;
And grown much richer than you were,
When traffic of the stream was bare?—
Some say begun to realize—
We scarcely can believe our eyes,
To see the country seats that fix
Themselves upon the river Styx;
Of which 'tis said, you have a box
Built up from profit of your docks,
In this great run of luck of late,
Owing a good deal to his pate,
Who made a war out of a tax,
On tea, and stuck to it like wax,
Occasioning a double douse,
Of grist to this your mill, you goose.
I shall say nothing of the East;
Or war in Ireland lately pressed;
And though the French folks bear the blame,
Else-where, they lighted up the flame.
To Pilnitz is the credit due,
And influx of the gain to you.
I own, quoth Charon, we have had
For some time past, or luck in trade,
A pretty tolerable run——
Tolerable! you son of a gun,
Quoth Mercury: Why? not since Cesar,
Or's predecessor, Nebuchadnezzar,
Has there been such an emigration,
By folly caus'd, or by the passion
Of this same tyrant of the seas,
Who managed so to keep down peace
That in his whole reign there was war,
With those near hand, or those afar:
Not even your Bajazet, or Tamerlane,
Contributed so much to your gain;
Nor Alaric or Attila,
Did after them such havock draw;
Not by the maxims of his rule,
So much as obstinacy of mule.
But Charon have you no more wit,
Than never once to think of it,
The dangers of economy,
Too much to Pluto's treasury,
Who, by your saving may grow rich
And build a bridge across this ditch,
And in your old age turn you off,
Having had your service long enough.
More likely turn me into hell,
Quoth Charon, since 'twill do as well.
But are you not a pretty god,
Dan Mercury, to spread abroad
Such doctrine that a man may cheat,
Provided he advantage get:
Bad ethic's in our school to teach;
Or for the devil himself to preach?
No wonder that with upper men,
You have been call'd the god of gain;
Nor much concern'd for common weal,
You make your shifts, some say you steal:
But as for me an honest tar,
I neither over-charge the fare,
Or rob my senior of his rent,
Defrauding him a single cent;
And hence it is I keep my place,
Nor yet have suffered a disgrace;
Charg'd with embezzlement, or fraud,
From speculation, just as bad;
Which conduct I shall not pursue,
Nor with your cheating have to do;
For not a single head shall pass
The Stygian bourne, without the cash,
Whatever be his pedigree,
Or deeds that he has done, d'ye see.
Not if he had murdered every man
And woman, since the world began.
For such the will of Jove, and Fate;
To change the rule would be too late;
And so it is that, every soul
That crosses in this boat, pays toll;
Will not abate a single copper,
To fighting warrior, or clod-hopper;
Must every one douse down his Obole,
Whether he peasant be, or noble.
Just at that instant, an uproar
Was heard upon the other shore:
Ghosts wanting scalps, some wanting limb,
Wishing to get a claw at him;
And calling out to let him pass,
And they themselves would pay the brass.
The Hindo, with his staff in air,
And many an Irishman was there,
With his shilelah, to be at
His majesty, and give a pat.
But stiffer than the stiffest mast
That ever bent before the blast,
Stood Charon, and might still have stood,
Had not, from t'other side the flood,
King Pluto, hearing of the din
And uproar that the town was in,
Hung out his signal, from the shore,
For ferry boat to hasten o'er;
And telegraph with what was writ,
As far's we could decypher it;
Which was to draw an order on
The treasury, or score him down;
Or take a credit in account
For what his ferriage might amount.
Aye, aye, quoth Charon, very well,
Since I have got the word of hell,
'Tis all the same to me, and so
Hoist anchor, and set sail; ye ho.

BOOK IV.

————

CHAPTER I.

"Once more to the breach, dear friends,
And close up the wall with English dead."

THAT is not a humane sentiment; for though we have wrongs from England, yet I wish a war put off as long as possible;* though I see that in the nature of things offences will come "and wo to him by whom they come," says the scripture. The ultima ratio regum, though the most effectual, is the hardest logic that can be introduced. But when I used the words,

"Once more to the breach,"

or when they came into my mind, it was as much as to say, "another whet at the ram." This means the same thing, and is a well known allusion to the clergyman taking his text from that portion of scripture, where the ram was caught in the brake, for the sacrifice, instead of Isaac; and having preached figuratively upon it, was wont to introduce his remarks, with

"Another whet at the ram."

This anecdote will be found in a book, entitled, Scotch Presbyterian Eloquence.

[*This was written before the war.]

It is a matter of great self-denial in me not to introduce more quotations from the Latin classics; but I am unwilling to incur the imputation of pedantry, which persons who do not understand the language, are apt to bestow upon those who indulge themselves in this liberty of quotation from the Roman writers. And yet to myself it is extremely pleasing; because I see great beauty in the turn of expression in that language; but still more in the Greek; though I do not quote it, because there are few printers who are furnished with Greek types, and can set the words. As to French, I never have come to like the language; that is, to relish it and to feel the delicacy of an expression perfectly, as setting off the thought. Nevertheless I am not wholly insensible of the neatness and perspicuity of the style of some writers in that language, in preference to others, as of Voltaire, or Rousseau, compared with the bulk of those who have gone before them. But of all languages that I have ever tasted, the Greek, unquestionably, with me, has the preference; and yet it cannot be supposed the I understand it as well as my vernacular; nor within many degrees of it; and yet I think it a thousand times superior. Bred in a soft air, and warm climate; whereas the English would seem to have been frozen in the north, before it began to be spoken by man; or rather it was first spoken by frozen men. Certain it is, that cold climates give a rigidity to the fibre, and harden those muscles by which the articulation is performed. Pinkerton, the greatest philologist of modern times, at least that I am acquainted with, thinks that the Greek is derived from the German; and that the German is the original Persian: that in some convulsion of the Persian empire, at an earlier period than we have any account of, some portion of that people had emigrated, and passing to the north, had made the circuit of the Caspian, and Euxine seas; and, at length established themselves in the heart of Europe. I can more readily conceive the Persian hardening into the harshness of the German sounds, than of the German softening into the fluidity, and sweetness of the Greek accent; but that there is a great affinity between the German, and the Greek, there is no one who understands both languages, but must admit. Both have a dual number; but independent of this, it is a proof of the affinity, that a German can easily learn to pronounce the Greek gutterals; whereas to those of most other nations, it is difficult. That the Germans used the Greek alphabet in the time of Julius Cæsar, appears from his commentaries; though some have attempted to lessen the evidence of this, by changing the words, Grecis literis, into Crassis literis utuntur; but clear it is, that a long time must have elapsed in the amelioration of the German into Greek; though I do not altogether reject the idea of these being the same language originally, as Pinkerton has endeavoured to prove, both by the authority of writers, and by an historical deduction of the origin of ancient nations. I must acknowledge that until I had read his dissertation, I had been inclined to think that the Germans had been a people distinct from all others, from the creation of the world; for it is remarkable that in the time of Julius Cæsar, before any mixture of other nations had intervened, the colour of the eye, and the hair of all, were the same; the blue eye, and the yellow hair—

Cærula quis stupuit, Germani lumina, flavam
Cæsariem——

This quotation is from Juvenal, who puts this national characteristic of feature, upon the same footing as to being common with the swelling of the neck in Switzerland.

Quis tumidum gutter miratur sub alpibus.

Which swelling, called the goitre is not confined to the Alps; but is found at the foot of most high mountains: at those of Thibet in Tartary, as well as of the Allegheny mountains, on the west side: for it is remarkable that no instance occurs on the east. And in Chili, which runs an extent of 1300 miles between the Andes and the Pacific ocean, being, at a medium, but about 350 miles wide, there is nothing of the swelling; though the streams are swollen with snow waters; which refutes the hypothesis of those who resolve this protuberance into the drinking snow waters. In examining into the history of nature, there is nothing that has puzzled me more than to account for this phenomenon, if the word phenomenon may be applied to so small an object, which is usually applied to large appearances in the atmosphere, or in the phases of the heavenly bodies. As little can I have an idea that the goitre is to be attributed to the mixture of calcareous earth with the water that descends from the mountains, which is the theory of Coxe; but rather incline to that of Sassure, to account for it, viz. the humidity of the atmosphere; but that mere humidity can occasion it, I do not believe; because, in Ireland, or even the north of Scotland, which are moist climates, there is nothing of it. Yet that this, which may be called a malady, has some connection with moisture, I incline to think; inasmuch as from my own observation those situate near ponds, or in wet grounds, are most liable to be affected. But, what is more to the purpose, on interrogating individuals as to their sensations, I have been informed by them, that they are sensible to every change of weather, from dry to moist, and can perceive, to use their own term, a fluttering in that part of the neck, on the approach of rain. I am not of opinion, however, that the cause, whatever it may be, has the least relation to marsh miasma; for the locus in quo, as the lawyers say, where this disorder is known, is as free from fever as the driest regions.

But I return from this digression to the subject we were upon, the origin of the Germans, and the language of that people. I feel the more interested in this disquisition, because the Saxon, which was my vernacular tongue, is a dialect of the ancient German; and the mother of the English. The dialect that is spoken by the common people in Cumberland, and the adjoining country of Scotland, called the low lands, is Saxon. It is in this dialect that the old comedy of Gammar Gurton's Needle is written, which is the prototype of the Gentle Shepherd of Allen Ramsay. Many of the scenes, that of Maudge the witch in particular, are evidently borrowed, so far as respects the character of the personage. I wonder that it is not looked up, and printed with the Gentle Shepherd, that it may be seen how nearly they resemble. It will be found in a collection of old plays by Dodsley; amongst which the model of Shakespeare's Othello, in a tragedy by a certain Jan, or John Pafre, will be seen. In looking over these, it will appear that what is called blank versification, was written with great felicity before his time, in that fluent way which he has preserved, and which is the only way in which it is tolerable to me, that of Milton excepted. For the versification of neither Thompson, nor Young, do I greatly relish; and that of Cowper as little. Congreve comes nearest what I can bear.

But I recur to a consideration of the language of nations, not meaning stile in composition, but the sounds by which ideas are expressed; and those sounds attempted to be communicated by letters of the alphabet; I say, attempted; for after all that can be got by the arbitrary marks which we call letters, it is by the ear alone that we can catch the real sounds that are intended; it is only by a length of time that the ear can catch a sound, or the tongue be brought to imitate it. It is for this reason that it is thought that those who have a taste for music, and some facility in catching a tune, could most easily acquire the pronunciation of a language; though, I have my doubts of this; for there seems to be no immediate connection between the faculty of singing, and of speaking merely; not that I will undertake to say that softness of features and softness of voice are not connected; for beautiful features always appear to have more delicacy of expression, than the homely; and a handsome woman to sing more sweetly, if she can sing at all, than one that is what we call an ordinary person; whether it is that the imagination cheats the ear, and what is more lovely to the eye, is also more pleasing to that organ. A young man in the pulpit is thought to possess greater powers of oratory in proportion as he has the advantage of personal appearance. In fact the goodly person has the advantage before any audience. Cicero considers stature, an advantage to the orator. A public speaker must be tall; or have such powers as to be able to make those that hear him forget that he is of a small stature. This was the power of Garrick, according to the poet, Churchill.

Figure, I own, at first, may give offence,
And harshly strike the eye's too curious sense;
But when perfections of the mind break forth;
Fancy's true fire, and judgment's solid worth;
When the pure genuine flame by nature taught,
Bursts into act, and every word is thought;
Before such merit all objections fly;
Pritchard's genteel, and Garrick six feet high.

It strikes me as very extraordinary that those whose province is speaking, do not think of assisting the personal appearance more by the article of dress: I mean in the costume or model of the coat, which is that of the labourer, rather than of the man of the gown; I meant to have said of the long robe; for the vest and coat that sits close to the body, and is short, had not the dignity of a more loose and flowing garment. And hence a speaker appears better in what we call a surtout, than in that which sits tight to the body. He will feel more easy in such a vestment; though he must be careful when he turns his back to the fire not to burn the tail; but at the same time, it will not do to take it up in order to warm his posteriors because a delicate man will not wish to have it brought into view that he has posteriors to warm. For nature having antipathy to those parts has turned them behind, which Longinus notices, as an illustration of a precept of good writing. It is true the jockycoat being slit behind, a corner may be taken up under each arm; but the attitude is ungraceful. A friend of mine once, for whom I had a great good will, introducing his son, asked my opinion what he should do with him.—He had given him some education, and was at a loss, whether to put him to study law, physic, or divinity. I recommended to a handycraft employment. But an experiment of a learned profession being uselessly made, the father, after some years, wondering at the sagacity I had discovered, having had no opportunity at the time I had given my opinion, of knowing any thing of the lad, but just seeing him on his being introduced to me, enquired on what ground I had formed my judgment; I told him frankly, that I had seen at a glance what he was in the stamina of his mind, by the manner of his turning his back to the fire, and taking up his coat behind. For there is a delicacy of feeling which always accompanies genius; and which shews itself in even the smallest particulars. A diligent observer will find in what may be thought the most indifferent actions, enough to indicate the portion of intellect which has fallen to the share of a young person. For as a great general at a coup d'oeil, or glance of the eye, can catch all the advantages of ground to draw up upon, and manœuvre his army; so one acquainted with the human physiognomy, and is attentive to the movements of the body, can give a pretty good guess whether the boy is to be denominated a John Bull-calf, or Nicholas Bottom the weaver. I have not the same skill in the female character, and might be mistaken in my ideas of what a young lady might be brought to be; but having been employed a great part of my early life in the academies, and in the instruction of youth, I had acquired some degree of sagacity in distinguishing the aptitude for pursuits in life. And I cannot say that this has been the source of much advantage to me; but on the contrary of much vexation, to see those whom nature intended for hucksters, and haberdashers of small wares, pushed forward into the learned professions, and calling themselves lawyers, or affecting to be politicians, and conductors of the affairs of government. I well know that no man's opinion can be considered as importing absolute verity; but so far a s my opinion will carry weight with it I can say that I have known judicial characters who, if things had taken place according to their gravity in the moral world, would have been at the bottom of the stair-case; at least would never have risen higher than keeping a shop of merchandise, and in that situation might have been respectable. For far be it from me to undervalue men's occupations under whatever denomination. It is the unfitness, the incongruity of talents for the occupation, that I arraign.

Felices agricolæ, sua si bona norint.

Happy might the dunces be if they knew their happiness; that is, could they distinguish where it was to be found.

But returning from this digression to the thread of our discourse. I take it, the Basternæ were that people from whom the Saxons of the Weser and Vistula were principally descended. For after their repulse by the Romans, under Augustus, when they attempted to enter Thrace, they would seem to have pressed upon the west of Europe, and occupied this quarter. The Getæ or Goths, were more upon the Rhine and the heads of the Danube.

Turner, in his history of the nations which have emigrated from beyond the Elb, has proved, or rendered it extremely probable, that a great country was lost during the dark ages, on the west of Europe, of which Greenland and Iceland are remains. For it appears from the archives of Denmark, that from very ancient time, that kingdom had colonies in that quarter; and an intercourse had been kept up which had been discontinued during the adumbration of the north from the inundation of barbarous nations. We are certainly but little acquainted with that corner of the earth; the Romans having had no knowledge of it, much less the Greeks living more remote from the scene. It is but extremely little we know of the earth we live upon, so far as respects mankind; nor, perhaps, is it to be regretted; for to what purpose would it be to know more, but to increase our knowledge of bloody battles or, of individual misery? Would it not rather be desirable that the whole remembrance of past events was struck out of our minds, and that we had to begin a new series? What happens every day now, is so like what happened before, that the sameness is wearisome. Instead of consuming so much time in acquiring a knowledge of history, we might employ ourselves in searching the mountains for simples, or digging for minerals. Chemistry begins to be once more a fashionable study; but the fine arts, music, painting, poetry, and architecture, occupy so much of the time of education for a young person, that there is not leisure, or space left for the more useful pursuits. I have not mentioned statuary; for there are few amongst us that handle the chisel in any other way than as joiners, or carpenters. Carucchi was guillotined, as being concerned in constructing what was called the infernal machine, for the purpose of blowing up Bonaparte. It is astonishing that one so far above his species in the divine art of imitating a man by the fabrication of the hand, should have thought of destroying an original. It was this Carucchi that proposed the representation of America in sculpture, wringing the rivers from her hair. David, the painter, is also one of those wonderful personages; for such I call them, who possess the sublime of genius in one of the fine arts; that of painting what would seem extraordinary; he was said to be one of the most bloody of the revolutionary tribunal, at least subservient to them. Now there is a delicacy, and fineness of mind, so to speak, in such kind of intellects, that it astonishes me, how cruelty can find its way to mix with it.

Is there reason to suppose that this earth is, with respect to some superior order of beings, but a bee-hive; and that they are amused looking at our working? It is humiliating enough to conceive so of our insignificance, and therefore I repel the idea; but supposing it be so, it must be amusing to them to see the same revolutions over again in the moral world. The like abstract notions in metaphysics and theology, with similar experiments in government. For it is true what the wise man observes, "there is nothing new under the sun."

I have no idea that the Theogony of Hesiod, as it is applied to action in the Iliad, and Odyssy of Homer, and continued down in the Æneid of Virgil, will be revived in the faith of nations, while any vestige remains of the credence. For there must be novelty in the hypothesis that will attract; though I will admit that boldness, or rather extravagance in the belief, is most likely to be successful.

The preceding dissertation on the origin of the languages of Europe, and incidentally upon other subjects, may seem incongruous with the nature of this work; did it not occur to a diligent observer, that there can be nothing incongruous or inconsistent, with a book which embraces all subjects, and is an encyclopedia of the sciences. It is an opus magnum, which comprehends law, physic, and divinity. Were all the books in the world lost, this alone would preserve a germ of every art—music, painting, poetry, &c. Statuary it says the least about. Nevertheless, some hints are given that will serve to transmit the reputation of Phidias and Praxiteles, and stimulate the efforts of the chissel upon stone in generations to come. Yet disliking egotism, and all appearance of vanity in others, I am unwilling to emblazon, beyond what is moderate, a production of my own. But, to speak my mind a little freely, leaving the Bible out of the question, which taking it even as a human composition, may be termed a divine book; a collection of tracts unequalled in all ages by other writers; and conceding to Homer his superiority; and to Shakespeare, and Plutarch's Lives, I do not know; but I certainly flatter myself, that my performance may occupy the next grade. But I will not say more at this time, lest I be accused of boasting, and be called a braggadocia; an imputation carefully to be avoided by all who would escape envy, and the vexations of that malignant passion.

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CHAPTER II.

IT is abundantly evident from the history of the human mind, that the more extravagant any opinion is, it is the more likely to prevail in some times and places. This will have been found to be the fact in many theories of philosophy, or systems of religion. Were there two such presented to me upon any subject which comes within the province of imagination; the one rational and moderate, the other absurd; and I were to take which I chose, with a view to the speediest propagation, and the greatest number of adherents, I would take the absurd; for what merit is there in admitting what nobody, without an effort, could dispute? And independent of this, there is a secret power in the unknown, and incredible, to arrest the fancy and subdue the judgment. The outrageous, when first presented, shocks, and then domineers over the understanding. I would just as soon undertake to persuade the bulk of mankind, that they saw a bull in the firmament, as that two and two make four. At all events, when I had once got such a thing into their heads, as a buffalo grazing on a cloud, I would defy years to get it out again.

Hence it is not to be wondered at, if the idea of the improvable nature of beasts having got into the hands of the people, all reasoning with them was at an end. The visionary man had made proselytes to such an extent, that the people insisted on an experiment, by raising some of the brute creatures, at least, to executive offices. The clerkship of one of the courts being vacant, great interest was made by the owner of a monkey, to have him appointed. The Governor was harrassed by the application, which was at the same time so respectably supported, that he could not possibly avoid the nomination. Not that even yet he had the smallest confidence in his capacity of discharging the duty; but that he might save himself from the importunity of the friends of the experiment. Accordingly, the monkey was appointed, and his commission made out in form. He had remonstrated against the solicitation, representing his persuasion of the incompetency of the animal; but it was so firmly impressed upon the public mind, that the thing deserved a trial, that he was obliged to yield. For they insisted that, whatever might be the incapacity of the animal, the commission would supply the defect. Indeed they argued very plausibly upon this; and it seemed not to be without foundation that they urged, that it was every day before their eyes, that persons were appointed to office who were not qualified; and what was more, never could become qualified; and yet the world did not stand still; nor did even the order of society, and the affairs of men seem deranged. It is incredible what a little matter will go to support one in the discharge of an office. Hence it is not so absurd what the buffoon said, "let the king give me a commission, and I will see who will say I am not fit for it." However, in the present instance, it was carrying the jest, or as it ought to be said, the experiment too far.

The monkey did not make out even to save appearances for a short time; whether owing to the mismanagement of those who had the command of him or to his own incurable restlessness, and locomotive faculty. For being brought in, and placed upon the table, with the implements of writing before him, and the docket to make entries; the first thing that struck him, was the basket of a fruiterer at some distance; and it was not a second of time before he had leaped upon it, and had a pippin in his paw. Being brought back, and put to his desk again, and desired to make a minute, he deliberately got up and made water on the table, the inkstand being in the way. This was encouraging to the sanguine; for it was thought he wished to have the ink made thinner, as being about to write. But no appearance of this, when the next bound was upon the bench, and the judge's wig hauled off his head, and pulled under the table. This was ruled a contempt of court, and pug was ordered into custody. It was with some difficulty that this was accomplished; the constable and sheriff exerting themselves to take him, but his leaps were so nimble, that it was not until after a considerable time, with the assistance of the whole bar, and the suitors of the court, that they could lay their hands upon him. In fact, it was not until some of them had laid their sticks upon him, and knocked him down, that they were able to entangle him in such a manner as to overcome his cantrips and get him in a bag, as you would a cat, in order to convey him to prison.

Who could have thought that such a practical experiment would not have reduced the falsity of the hypothesis of the improvability of beasts to the extent alleged by some, to an evident demonstration? And yet so ingenious is the pride of the mind, to support the error which it has once patronized, that some did not even yet submit to reason and common sense. They averred, a want of candor in the court and bar to have the experiment fairly made, alleging the craft of the profession; that pug could not have had fair play in the trial; that he must have been pinched in the tail, or in some other way, rendered unmanageable. For, that of himself, he never could have shown such an unwillingness to discharge the duties of the office; more especially, as by showing him apples and nuts at a distance, it was a hint to him, what he might expect in the way of fees, provided that his capacity, and his diligence, was found to equal the hopes his friends had entertained of him.

But, whether the experiment, in making a monkey a prothonotary, was baffled by the utter incapacity of the animal himself, or by the intrigue of the profession, and the court frowning on it, the practicability of making more out of the brute creation, than had ever yet been done, was not wholly given up. It was determined to make an experiment of what might be done, in bringing forward some of them into the profession itself; and with a view to this, choice was made of the more noisy of the dumb creatures, a dog. For though this beast comes under the denomination of dumb, yet it is no uncommon thing to compare a lawyer to him, or him to a lawyer; and though we say a dumb dog, yet I have heard a lawyer called an impudent dog; and there are many who are said to bark, rather than to argue a cause like a rational creature.

The court were a good deal opposed to the admitting a hound to the bar. But the people out of doors and those of the circumstantibus, or by-standers, would insist upon it. The court said, they would not be understood to entertain a doubt of the capacity, in such advocates, at least so far as respected the making motions; but they were apprehensive of disorderly behaviour; not so much as to side bar conversation, and sitting on their posteriors and looking up to bark, as to their movements to and fro, and leaping upon the bench; in which case it would not be much less difficult to keep them to their places, than it had been in the case of the monkey, whom they had all seen could not be kept to order. As to the keeping to the point in their discourses, of that there was not so much matter; for it was not always easy to see what was the point that was made, and to which it became necessary to stick. Was there no danger that, instead of confining themselves to a wrangle, they would actually wage war, and interchange bites in the course of their altercation? Wager of battle did not exist as the mode of trial; and therefore fighting like dogs was not known in judicial proceedings, though the quarrels of counsel did sometimes approach a little towards it.

On all these considerations, the court would have been willing to have confined the construction of the constitution, that "a man shall be heard by himself or his counsel," to the being heard by himself, or some animal of his own species. Nor was there any great reason to believe that, though in many instances we see the more incompetent of a bar at the head of the business; yet, in general, people will find out those who can serve them best; and it was not probable that, if the real, natural, and actual tykes were admitted to plead, any one would be so weak as to employ them in a cause; it is true, they had known many an ignorant impudent puppy at the bar; and some good natured of the dog tribe, so called by way of figure and resemblance, even make fortunes. But this was by way of figure; and they had never yet known one so perfect a beast, as to want the shape of a man, to make his way, or even to attempt practice. And if no suitor did employ such a one, when admitted, where would be his business; unless in the case of a pauper unable to defend himself, where the court might appoint counsel; which would not be decorous in them to do, even in the case of a misdemeanor, unless they had greater reason to expect something like a defence for the unfortunate accused, than from such unexperienced persons. It is true, that such appointment by the court, as in the case of a horse-thief that every body believed guilty, even before he was tried, might pass without censure; but if an honest pauper was convicted, being falsely accuse, and this owing to the blunder of an advocate appointed by the court, the reflection would fall upon them; for these reasons they would be shy in taking such nomination upon them; and would be disposed to leave the dog, whether what is called a feiste, or a mastiff, to his own exertions to get himself employed as he could; and if it came to them to assign counsel at any time, they would select, if the younger, yet at least some of the bar more likely to do justice.

It was to no purpose that these matters were urged. For however weighty the reasons, they were of no avail against the current of public opinion; whether it was that there was some, as there was reason to suspect, wished the lawyers burlesqued, and the profession made a subject of ridicule; or that the greater part were really credulous, which is more probable, to the representation of the philosopher.

Hence it was that, on the day appointed for the experiment, a great number attending, some of the most respectable of the community; two of the canine species were brought in, and placed opposite each other, as adversaries in a cause. They were said to be dogs of a good bark, and had been pitted against each other several times before the bringing them to court, and had worried each other pretty comfortably on more occasions than one. Hence there could be no doubt, but that they would take different sides of the question, and snarl, and grin, and growl abundantly; the only difficulty would be the keeping them apart until the testimony in a cause had been introduced, and they were directed by the court to proceed.

This difficulty, as was foreseen, did actually occur; for no sooner were the beagles uncoupled, than they actually flew at each other, and had one another by the throat. It was in vain that the judge called out order, gentlemen order; I shall be under the necessity of committing you for this irregularity of proceeding; your behaviour is unbecoming your profession. The dogs continued their contest, till one knocked under and howled most piteously. The humanity of the spectators, some of whom were suitors, and some not, at length interposed, and wished them to be separated, but not an individual of the bar gave themselves the least concern on the occasion; but, on the contrary, seemed diverted with it as a farce, and laughed immoderately; which gave grave offence to the people, and much reason to suspect, as in the case of the monkey, there had not been fair play in the experiment. Who could tell what spurs, or sharp weapons, there might have been under the table to prick and goad these simple and unsuspecting creatures to battle? If Jowler and Cæsar had actually succeeded in maintaining a standing at the bar, it might materially have affected the employing human bull dogs, to manage a controversy. And could it be supposed that, having this interest at stake, the profession would have made no exertion, secret or reserved, to counteract the introduction of quadrupeds? Upon these grounds the persuasion of the capacity of beasts to advocate the most difficult question of law or fact, was strengthened, rather than reduced, by the experiment made; or if some did query whether all at once, they might be competent to give the best advice, as chamber counsel, in a matter of difficulty respecting the legal tenure of estates; yet no one hesitated to pronounce his conviction that they were capable of being good advocates, in a criminal case of assault and battery, at least; or where noise and racket went a great way to constitute a good pleader.

The public opinion out of doors, was formed a good deal upon the noise they had heard. It was thought to resemble that of lawyers in their sparring. If some surmise did get out, that in nothing but yelping did they resemble, it was attributed to their not being of the genuine breed, that was fit for the bar; that experiment ought to be made from the Norwegian lap dog, to the little Indian dog of the South sea, until they came to one that had the right genuine snarl. But all idea of incapacity was hooted at by others, who had taken up a more favourable impression, having been in the way of hearing that one of them made a speech of an hour in length; and that, had he not been stopped by the court, he would have spoken two hours.

What did he say? said a man somewhat incredulous.

I never can tell very well, said the other, what the lawyers say.

It is all the same sort of jargon to me, consisting of law terms; but this I know, if I had a cause to try, I would leave it as soon to the dog that I heard bark, as to most lawyers that I have seen plead at a bar.

Owing to these averments, and promulgation of rumours all tending to make dog pleading popular, it was not longer than the next week, that there were several people who had come into town, enquiring where the dog lawyers had their offices. The real lawyers were so enraged that they knocked them on the head, though of the profession; but clandestinely; for they were not without apprehension of the resentment of the suitors, if the dogacide should come to light. The law might take hold of them also, if they could be considered as coming under the description of reasonable creatures in the peace of the commonwealth.

But there was no need of this precaution, and secrecy; for the whole circumstance relating to the dogs, and their appearance in court, or the manner in which they acquitted themselves in the trial of a cause was lost and forgotten in the introduction of a wolf and fox the third day of the court; the wolf muzzled, having been taken in a trap. But to avoid all insinuation, or popular obloquy, of not giving them a fair chance, by admonishing them before they began, of the duty of counsel, the rules of the court were read to them, and it was stated what abuses in the conduct of attornies, had been observed, and which it behooved them to avoid; such as scratching their noses, puffing their breath, turning and twisting in their seats, or sitting with their posteriors on the counsel table, and talking to the bench; holding side-bar conversations, and looking and yelping to the juries, or grinning when they thought they had said a great thing smart. Growling and grumbling when the point was given against them, they ought not to take it for granted, that they were the only persons who had a knowledge of a law case; and that their opinion of a law case, or the application, was not infallible.

Gentlemen, said the chief justice, you are entering on a profession that, independent of legal knowledge, for that, we take it for granted, you have a competent share of, requires in a practitioner the utmost delicacy of behaviour, both to the bar and to the bench, as the surest means of your success. For it is a mistake to suppose, that impudence is the principal qualification here. It may go some length in the opinion of bystanders, to give them the impression of boldness; but it goes no length with the court. It is, on the contrary, a great draw-back. Diligent preparation in your offices, and modest demeanour at the bar, is the most likely way to secure confidence, and to conciliate attention, and to have what is called the ear of the court. For when a person merely barks the moment he begins, nothing but a bark being expected, the judge lets his mind go to pasture, if I may be allowed a figure, that is, indulges himself in absence of mind, until the harangue wears near a close. There is what is called having the ear of the court: for should you howl ever so loud, or bark, unless there is a previous respect founded in the expectation of what you are about to say, there will be little attention in reality, whatever there may seem to be.

Opinion had been expressed in the mean time, on the talents of the respective advocates, according as any one had augured favourably, or the reverse of one or the other. It was expected the fox would show the most address in the management of a cause; but that the wolf would be most likely to carry his point by browbeating his adversary, and the court.

Gentlemen, said the court, fox and wolf, or wolf and fox, whichever of you it is that begins first, and that will depend upon your being for the plaintiff or defendant—you will please to proceed.

The wolf being unmuzzled, and the fox let slip, the one ran under the bench, and the other leaped out at the window, the dogs after him, which gave occasion to leave this matter of professional capacity still undetermined; the pursuit of the dogs giving occasion to the old surmise of the lawyers having set them upon them to get rid of a formidable rival. In the hurry scurry, there was little said about the fox, and he was supposed to have made his escape.

The reprimand that the chief justice gave to the squirrels and the pigs for their behaviour in court, was perhaps the most pointed of that given to any of the beasts; to the squirrels for cracking nuts, and chirping like cockroaches, while the charge was delivering, and conversing in corners with each other. To the pigs, for munching apples; because it was not only a trespass against decorum, but an interruption to the argument of counsel, which could not be so well heard. Mouthing on the stage is spoken of as far from being agreeable. But such mouthing produces but a slight tumefaction of the oral orifice, and gives a rounding to the voice,

"Ore rotundo."

But the mouthing the pippin, or the peach, distends the jaws occasionally to an immeasurable width; and if one half the hemisphere is attempted to be embraced like a snake swallowing a hare, the eyes have an appearance of starting from their sockets, which communicates pain to the beholder, because it impresses the idea that the actor is in pain.

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CHAPTER III.

A VOTE in a community in proportion to the stake, would seem at first sight reasonable. But what is the stake? The foot of earth that one holds merely? Can soil be valued by the foot, without regard to quality, and situation? Is the improvement made upon it to pass for nothing? Quantity and quality of soil cannot be the measure. Labour expended may be more than quantity, or quality.

The adscripti glebis, or attachment to the soil, may give some security against external enemies; but what security for internal peace, and equal liberty? On the contrary, he that has much will covet more, until an aristocracy is established; and aristocracy leads to monarchy and tyranny. Put it on the footing of desert. Does the accumulation of riches imply virtuous action? Must he be considered to be possessed of a great mind who has been fortunate? Is it not oftener evidence of a low mind to have acquired riches? I say oftener, because I admit that it is not a general rule. Has the dictum of philosophers passed for truth, that there is nothing great to despise which is great; and shall wealth in a commonwealth be accounted great, and entitling to honour and communities? But the presumption is, that a man, regardless of his own means, will not be likely to adopt wise measures in affairs of the republic. I will admit that a presumption lies against him who has no property, that he might have had it, if he had been industrious or prudent. But the moralist truly says, that "riches are not to men of understanding." That is—not always so. I lay it down in general, that a moderate degree of wealth is "to men of understanding." But there are exceptions that defy chance and time. A special providence, or chance, if you would choose to have it so, has something to do in the affairs of men. "He that is born to the plack will never win to the babee," is a proverb in the old Saxon language. But I hold it that in general the fact is, that "the hand of the diligent maketh rich." And a man that is faithful in his own affairs, affords a reasonable presumption, that he will be faithful in the affairs of the public. But selfishness, and disregard of the public are symptoms of a grovelling mind. And there are heroic souls, that seem born not for themselves but for the public. And there is a Latin maxim, "non nobis metipsis, nascimur;" we are not born for ourselves alone.

There was a poor man, and yet that "poor man saved the city." You cannot exclude the unestated man without, at the same time, excluding the wise and the virtuous that are without estates. There can be no good enjoyed without an alloy of evil. Liberty of the tongue, liberty of the press, or any other species of liberty and equality, will have its drawbacks. It is doubtless a great evil that Tag-rag and Bob-tail, and who are so by their own indolence, should come to the polls with an equal voice, in the constitution of the government, with those who have a greater stake in matters of property; but it cannot be avoided without losing the principle that money is not virtue. If you carry it out that property must be represented according to property, the voter must have votes in proportion as he is wealthy; and wealth in soil only cannot be regarded. The establishment of manufactures, the encouragement of commerce, would oppose this. If he that is without property of any kind can have no vote, he that has much must have many; and this brings it to an inequality of votes, which require a continual census to regulate the number. If paying tax is a criterion, he that pays more tax, ought to have more votes. I see nothing simple and like truth in the matter, and approaching the practicable, but that the poll should poll; and every one that brings a snout of full age to the election ground, should have a vote. Indigence is, in its nature, dependent; and will rally round candidates of some standing in society, from their degree of independence; and the votes being thus amalgamated, will balance parties in a commonwealth. A government of liberty is the most delicate of all structures, and there is no preserving it, if the love of money is encouraged, and made the sole evidence of patriotism. If a difference in suffrage could be made, I would make it in favour of those who have invented useful arts, and made discoveries in mechanics; or who have in fact in some way benefited society. There would seem nothing unreasonable in the indulging him with privileges who had brought up a large family of children; or introduced a new breed of cattle; or grown a better sort of grass. But a usurer, or one enjoying rents from the lands that his ancestor has left him, cannot be said to deserve well of his country; or at least not so much. The New-England man that comes with his machine, for which he has obtained a patent, is of peculiar respectability compared with these. I say New-England, because that part of the United States has been most fruitful in inventions, from Phipps of Massachusetts, who invented the diving-bell, down to the present time—Whether it is that poverty has produced the necessity of recurring to their wits, having a greater stock of population, and the means of livelihood being less within their reach—Ingenii largitor venter—or whether it is in the soil, or the air, and water of the climate; for natural, as well as moral causes may produce this difference in the capacities of men.

I can see no reason in giving a field a vote, much less a piece of wood-land; nor one to the owner of beasts in proportion to his stock; unless those beasts could speak and give a viva voce vote.

It has seemed to me that the ancients, and some of the moderns, have carried the fiction beyond all probability, of beasts speaking; because a dialogue of this kind exists but in books of fables. It is much more within bounds, to put at least for one of the speakers, a person that can speak. This we have done, and have not put a single syllable into the mouth of a beast at all. It is the man that we make speak; the beast only listens. Yet it is ten to one but some will call out against the going even so far, as to represent beasts listening; because it is to music only, that they have heretofore been made to listen, and not to the dry precepts of didactic art, or moral reason. But certainly the introducing men speaking, and beasts listening, is not so extravagant, as beasts speaking, and men listening. The instances of beasts actually speaking are so few; in fact there is not a single instance within my knowledge, so that I thought it the more prudent part, in order to avoid the having the truth of my history called in question, to confine them to listening altogether. What these beasts would have said, had they spoken, every man may imagine for himself. In this case there is the less danger of giving offence, every one having it in his power, to mould his sentiments, a sone gre, or according to his own mind.

But had I been so inclined, how could I have made them speak? For just as they were going to open a mouth, or at least as the occasion had arrived when it would have been proper to have done it, the dogs were set upon them, or the dogs did set upon them. For this would appear to be the safer expression, as the bar assert that they as a profession, whatever some individuals might have done, had nothing to do with it.

It has been stated that the proper articulately speaking beasts have not been pitched upon. It is sufficient to answer to this, that we had not the choosing them; or, if we had, can it be said that all beasts are not equally made to speak; that is, are represented equally capable of speaking in the history of Reynard the Fox? Among the Jews, the ass seems to have been the principal speaker; and though an ass at the bar, or on the bench, either, would be no new thing; yet vulgar opinion is against it; and if an ass had been introduced, the force of prejudice is such that any disappointment that might have occurred, would have been attributed to the choice made. Amongst the Romans, the feathered creation seem to have been the most loquacious, as they are to this day, in their own way.

"Annosa ab ilice cornix."

But a prejudice also exists in modern times against fowls articulating: they are said to chatter, as, for instance the magpie.

Ornithologists are not so attentive as they ought to be to the language of birds. The plumage seems to be most their object in delineation; and it must be acknowledged, that it is in the article of fine feathers, like some fine ladies that I have known, that they are most distinguished; red, green, blue, vermilion, and all the colours of the rain-bow. It is in this point of view that I take the liberty of recommending the Ornithology of Wilson, lately published in Philadelphia, with fine drawings of our American birds: and which every man that can afford it, ought to encourage by his subscription. Not that he makes them say any thing, ore humano; but he gives a clear and full note of their notes, under the figure of each bird; this though perhaps not so useful, is at least as amusing, as a dissertation shewing to which of the articulations of the human species, they approach nearest in their respective sounds: Arabic, Samaritan, Shawanese, or Creek. The language of beasts and birds has been much studied by the Orientalists; but none of them have given us a vocabulary, much less a dictionary, of any of those multitudinous dialects which exist among them. And yet in their tales of the genii, and other compilations, we have abundance of the conversation of the inhabitants of the air; which proves that the people of the east must be a good deal in the habit of hearing birds converse. The story of Mahomet's pigeons, I take to be a fiction of the monkish writers; but we have in the scripture, if it is not a figure, and a strong way of expressing what is meant, "Curse not the thing; no, not in thy thought, and curse not the rich in thy bed-chambers, for a bird of the air shall carry the voice; and that which hath wings, shall tell the matter." Hence the language of mothers to their children when they mean to say that they have got the information from a source they do not mean to explain, "a little bird told me of it."

It will be said that in all this ribaldry of beasts and birds speaking, I have it in view to burlesque lawyers: not at all; it is to burlesque their defects; and under the guise of allegory to slur a truth; for an able councellor, an advocate of a good head, and heart, of which I know many, are with me amongst the first of characters. I have no such vulgar prejudice against lawyers, as some people have; there are good and bad of them as of other professions. And this I will say, that of all professions, it cannot be but that the study and practice of the law, leads most to discern the value of honesty; for the study consists in tracing the rules of justice, and the practice in the application of them. It is the man that is no lawyer, but calls himself so, that is the knave. The nature of the law is liberal; and gives understanding; and wherever there is sound sense, there will be honesty. But I have such a contempt of chattering in speech, and blustering, and bullying in manners; and of quibbling, and catching in practice where it occurs, that I feel no compunction in designating it under the masque of irrational noises, or quadrupedal affections.

If any thinks the cap will fit him, let him put it on. In the mean time, I will put on my considering cap, and see what it is that I have to say in the next chapter.

————

CHAPTER IV.

WHEN I speak of the visionary philosopher, I do not mean him that had

"Read Alexander Ross over;"

but who had seen the great Stewart, who delivered lectures in this country, on the perfectibility of man, and this student, or disciple had been disposed to carry the matter farther, and discuss the perfectibility of beasts.

It is impracticable, said the Governor. Instinct has but narrow limits; and is not improvable, as is human reason. However sagacious a fox may be, in eluding hounds and catching poultry, the distinction is immense in the nature of the intellect. I hope you would not think of extending the right of suffrage to these. There is no incorporating wild-cats and jack-daws in the community. We have enough to do with men that have the shapes of Christians, let alone opossums and jack-alls, and bears of the forest that have no reflection; or if they could reflect, would their keepers permit that intercourse with peaceable inhabitants, as to render the interchange of civilities safe and convenient? In point of capacity they would be deficient, and unqualified even for the ministerial offices of government. But as to those duties or professions which require some discrimination of meum and tuum, they ever remain totally incompetent.

What, said the Philosopher, persisting in his theory, have you not heard it said, that judge this, or judge that, is an ass, that another is a horse, and of even a juris-consult, or barrister, for instance, that he is a panther; a bear, especially when he is hard upon a witness in his cross examination? Might it not be practicable to bring a brute beast to be even capable of filling an office of trust or honour?

I grant that a judge, figuratively, said the governor, may be a horse, or a buffalo, or an ass; or that a counsellor may somewhat resemble the ferocity of a tyger at the bar. But that these animals, stript of all figure, and colouring of speech, should in reality, and in propria persona, be put upon the bench, or licensed to plead, would be more than I am yet prepared to think advisable.

You are not aware of the hypothesis of Darwin, said the philosopher, that man may have been originally a cray-fish, or a flying squirrel?

I am not, said the Governor. And though I do not know that the Lord spoke all things to Moses that he is said to have spoken; for there may have been some mistakes in the translations from the Hebrew, as in other versions; yet there seems to me more probability in the cosmogony of that Hebrew writer, than in the reveries of Darwin in his Temple of Nature, or his Zoonomia. And even supposing the brutal to be capable of amelioration from one nature to another, until it reaches the human, it would seem to me, that its rights should keep pace only with the improvement of its forms; and that we should wait until the elephant comes to sit upon his one end, and cease to go upon all-fours, before we think of introducing even the noblest of animals, in point of intellect, into a participation of civil institutions. The swinish multitude are spoken of as having a right to vote; but that also is figurative, and it is not meant that a pig can be actually admitted at the hustings to give in a ticket; much less that a wolf, just taken in a trap, should be made a justice of the peace, or an alderman.

What, said the philosopher, has there not been a time when the beasts spoke?

"Pecudesque locutæ,"—
"Annosa ab illice cornix."

said the Latin schoolmaster, who had just joined the conversation.

It is fabulous, said the Governor, I have seen what is called the history of Reynard the Fox; and what beasts were when under the monarchy, where the lion was king; and I think a good book might be written, called the Republic of Beasts, pourtraying the cabals of men, and their contentions in a free government. But to constitute a republic in reality, of the four-footed creation, would be carrying matters a step farther than has ever yet been attempted. In that case I acknowledge we would have no occasion for the common law; nor tribunals or forms of administering justice; jury trial might be abolished; for scratching and scrambling would be the way of every one.

Blackstone has a chapter, said the blind lawyer, "on the redress of private wrongs, by the mere act of the parties."

That would make shorter work than even an arbitration, said a bystander.

But, said the Governor, to speak seriously, though it may give a wise man indignation to see incapacity in office, which will always be the case in any government, and perhaps not more in a republic than in any other; nay I incline to think less so, which it behooves me to say, who am honoured with one, under that kind of constitution, yet I am opposed to the extreme of universal suffrage, to all the denizens of the forest, as some are pleased to style them, and which phrase may have misled this philosopher to think them capable of being denizen amongst men. But if you think the experiment worth making, let a number be collected, and go into the measure with caution, and deliberation. You will see what a conflict will take place, and what a warring there will soon be—

——"Mugitusque boum,
Exaudire leones,"——

said the Latin schoolmaster.

Plase your honours, said Teague O'Regan, who was listening, a shape will be de safest baste to halter first, and try in de plough o' de commonwealth. If de pretty baste can say ba, in de congress o' de nation, dey cannot say dat it is de ass dat spake.

There may be a prettier, but there cannot be a greater beast than yourself, Teague O'Regan, said some one in the crowd; and yet we have heard of you getting an office; what is more, we see you in one, not just on the bench, as in a neighbouring state, but in an office, though executive.

It is said, the Captain, our new Governor, who opposes the innovation of giving horned cattle a vote, proposed you for congress, and would have no objection to have seen you President of the Union.

That is not the fact, said the Governor; I did object to it, but I was overruled and induced to let the experiment be made; but I never did approve of such extraordinary advancement; though were I to be guided by what I see here, I might not think the presumption so preposterous. How much better are many of you that are in office, than Teague O'Regan?

The visionary philosopher having taken wind, went on. Why need Cyrano de Berjerac have gone to the moon, said he, to see monkeys and baboons in the capacities of waiting men, if we had been supplied with domestics of that description here? And why limit our experiments to what may be made of men? The perfectibility of human nature, no one can doubt, who has heard the lectures of Stewart, the pedestrian, who was in this country some years ago. And why not the perfectibility of animals that are not human? I have heard a man called a calf, a sheep, a hog, a goose, and why not, one day, hear these called man? And to accomplish this, I would admit them to the elective franchise; at least all above a certain age, and who have come to the years of discretion.

Years of discretion! said the Governor. Did you ever hear of a beast coming to the years of discretion? Instinct is not common sense: for common sense is that degree of understanding, that portion of intellect, which is generally distributed to the human species. Where the capacity is in any way distinguished, we call it talent; but where that portion of judgment, which enables us to judge with reasonable correctness, on common subjects, is given, we call it common sense. A man may be a scholar, a lawyer, a judge; that is, may have the reputation of a scholar, and may have the commission of a judge, and yet want common sense; by which I mean sense in common things. For a knowledge of abstract rules may go some length to make a man of science; but common sense is judgment in the application of rules. It is the comparing things; and hence it is that I do not think this philosopher, though he may surpass the magi of Babylon in a knowledge of the stars, can have common sense, in urging this matter upon a young people, just beginning a new government. What would you do with a horse upon a bench; to eat hay, and dung on it; a monkey a prothonotary, to crack nuts, and be restless: an ass to quote British precedents, and to say, my lord has said this, and my lord has said that; if indeed he could not say any thing, and not rather bray what he had to say? We have dunces enough of our breed to be doing with a while yet. Why enlarge the sphere of stupidity? A pretty bar we would have of it in point of order, if elks and panthers were admitted to conduct a cause; motions for new trials in abundance. The pertinacity of the unicorn would be unsufferable.

What! said Will Watlin, a constable; have we not heard a bar called a bear-garden; interrupting one another, troublesome to the court. I should like to see a cat, and a racoon wrangle as some of these have done. The mild and the modest man has no chance. All is carried by a coup de main, which some interpret a stroke of the fist. If I am not permitted to take up my staff and apply it to knock them, as I should be warranted in doing, in case of a wild boar, or a rhinoceros, I should take them across the noddle, as I would have done many a lawyer, if the rules of court permitted it.

I am for enlarging the sphere of jurisprudence, said Harum Scarum; and the province of admission to bench or bar. Is any man afraid of the rivalship of turkey-buzzards? What can check the hospitality of letting all into the pale of our union? We shall have more to contend against the savages.

Pro aris et focis, said the Latin schoolmaster.

We shall have more to contend against the savages, continued Harum Scarum; for increase numbers in a government, and in that proportion you render them active in support of their privileges. Men that ought to think, can learn to stand upon their heads, and to run upon all fours; and why not beasts of the wood learn to think? I dislike the having all things in a common course. Nature herself has given us the variety of seasons, and revolutions of the sun and moon, and heavenly bodies, and why not in the affairs of men; and especially in their social institutions as to representation, or exclusion?

In the mean time, about a score of young persons, by climbing up into trees to hear the debate, or to see what was going on in the centre of the meeting, were seen by the spectators, and mistaken for opossums that were turned into men already, by the bare proposition of advancing them to naturalization; and though this error was corrected in a short time by one of them who had fallen and brought intelligence of the cause of the ascension, and the mistake of the transformation; yet it but struck the notion deeper into the heads of the vulgar, of having accession from the quadrupeds at the next census of free inhabitants; and a man with a strong voice in particular called out that it should be so. A bull happening to roar, and a horse neigh at the same time, it was called out that it was the voice of the people.

In the multitude of a town meeting, or even in a whole community, it requires but a few persons, stationed at convenient distances, and dispersed in due proportion, to raise a voice, and to call out in favour of a proposition, to give it currency and acceptability. Every one fearing to be in the minority, will seize the opportunity of coming round to the majority. It is "the height of ability to distinguish the times," says the Duke de Rochefaucault; and I know no proof of discernment in a republic greater than to foresee which way the current is like to set, and to sail with it: or rather, if you can influence at all, to seize occasion by the forelock, and by disposing a few frogs in a pond to roar, make it to be supposed that the public opinion is in the direction you choose to have it. Shall a man value himself on predicting the weather, and not the changes of political events? At least this is the principle upon which the greater part of politicians act.

The governor finding that he was like to be on the unpopular side of the question, was willing to ease away, and come under the lee of the Chief Justice, who though but a blind man could see farther into the nature of the occasion than his excellency. His opinion was to let the thing take its course, and in a short time the public would be convinced how impracticable it was to extend liberty, where nature meant that it should have limits. He thought it best to address himself to their feelings in point of interest, than to call in question the practicability of the project.

Philosopher, said he, there is no doubt, but there is truth in what you say; and your proposition might be carried into effect with suitable restrictions. But if we should admit the beasts to the rights of citizenship, we should have set them free as we have the negroes. The very right of suffrage would be a manumission; and it would be unreasonable to extend the privilege to such as are of feræ naturæ, and exclude tame beasts. Now if cattle or oxen, or horses become entitled to equal privileges, we could not treat them as beasts of burden, or use them for the draught; much less could we knock down a pig or shoot a deer, or take the skin off a bear; not even ride a horse, but on condition of taking turns, and letting him sometimes ride us. Who of you would be hitched in a sledge, or stand at the tongue of a wagon for a whole night, champing cut straw, and rye meal, or bear the whip of the carter in the day time? Who would be ringed and yoked like a pig, to keep you from getting thro' a fence?

These observations, however ridiculous, had more effect in quelling the commotion, than any direct reasoning; because whatever crosses the thought, and gives a different direction to the imagination, has been known to be most effectual in relieving a derangement of the mind.

————

CHAPTER V.

THE mind of man is active, and the great secret of managing it, is to find employment for it. L'ennui, for which we have not a correspondent English word, is the feeling of a vacant mind. We had a phrase in the old Saxon, and which still exists in that dialect of it which we call broad Scotch which hits it exactly; it is to think lang.

O' woe, quo he, were I as free
As when I first saw this country,
How blythe and merry would I be,
And I wad never think lang.

The mind inactive loses its spring; and it ought to be the study of all who are concerned in the early education of youth, to devise employment for them; and in communities, to find means of occupying the grown persons. This is to keep the man from pursuits that are injurious to himself or to others. Where an army is not to be raised, and soldiers enlisted, the making turnpike roads, and digging canals, is an excellent substitute for this draught of the superfluity of population, and a proportion of society who have not the foresight, or perseverance to devise employment for themselves. Hence it is that they are mustered in elections by the ambitious, for their own private views, and these are they who are made use of to call out for a change of the constitution; Not that all who make use of them for this purpose, mean more than to advance themselves by the aid of the confusion which they excite. For when men are out of power, they wish the drawing of the lottery to begin again, and the prizes drawn to go for nothing. The blanks that are drawn do not give satisfaction—Not but that the common people are of themselves sufficiently disposed to novelty. A desire for a change is the characteristic of the multitude, at all times. And even if a man has no prospect of ameliorating his condition, it helps a little that it is not always the same. Though the next plank is as hard as that on which a man lies, it is pleasant to roll upon it. It is a great misfortune, when a restless spirit has a faculty of haranguing; and still more so, if he has ideas, and can get himself placed at the head of a paper. He is restrained by feelings of delicacy only in proportion as he wants terms to express himself. If one of these should happen to be of the kingdom emphatically so called, because it has been but nominally a kingdom for some ages, he brings the same licence into his paper, that he showed at the fairs of Liffy, or Tipperary, with a shamrock in his hat and a shillelah in his hand. Yet there is in the history of that people in their own country, something greatly to be valued: their hospitality, and generosity. An Irishman has no mean vices.—He is brave and open in his enmity; and sets the law at defiance, at the same time with the public opinion.

It is an old adage, an ounce of prevention, is worth a pound of cure: or, as the mock doctor of Smollet has it, Bestum est curare distemprum ante habestum.

It is but a slovenly way of reforming a man, to hang him. Some indeed have their doubts whether it is lawful to hang a man at all, or take away life in society. Certainly nothing can justify it, but the necessity of self-preservation. If a man had killed five hundred, and the remainder can be safe, the necessity of taking away the life of the murderer ceases; and it is unlawful to put him to death. But where a man kills one, a presumption arises that he will kill two, and it is on the principle of precavention that he is suspended, or otherwise taken from society. Banishment is unquestionably the proper mulct to him who has forfeited the benefits of society. But the culprit may come back, and repeat his blows; or he may commit mischief in the place to which he is sent, or to which he may come! or another society may refuse to receive him. But the Jewish lawgivers said, "Whosoever sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed:" but if that is to be taken strictly, hanging is no shedding blood; and yet the murderer is hung, not beheaded.

The meaning is predictive; and as much as to say, that in the natural course of things, the taking the life of a man, leads to the loss of a man's own. But taking it even as injunctive, and as pointing out that punishment which retributary justice ought to inflict, it must be taken as applicable to the Jews in the wilderness, whose unsettled life did not admit of places of confinement sufficiently safe to secure offenders. While they were journeying from Kadesh Barnea to Cushanrishatharim, they must be at a loss what to do with the malefactor; and therefore it saved trouble to despatch him from the world. In a country where the sitting is permanent, to borrow a phrase from the French national assembly, and where strong buildings can be erected like the old or new jail of Philadelphia, what necessity can there be to put a man out of the world? He can be put to work, and to make some amends to the community for the life he has taken away, and the expence of bringing him to punishment. As for himself, is he not more punished by solitude, or labour, than by the infliction of death? It does not follow, that if left to a man's self, he would prefer confinement to death, that for this reason, the punishment is lighter. He has not resolution to consult future happiness, by the enduring present pain. But if it is left to a man to consider whether he would wish to have his enemy confined, or to undergo instant death, would he be willing that his adversary should escape vengeance by getting speedily out of the world? It might be a satisfaction to him that the murderer should go to hell; but he is not sure that he would go there; and when he has him in a work-house, he is sure that he must work. Besides, who can be of so diabolical a nature, as to be reconciled even to a murderer going to hell; and why not allow him space and opportunity to repent, as much as the short life of man will allow, in a cell of confinement with nothing but bread and water, at least until he gives signs of repentance? Be this as it may, from all the examination I have been able to give my own mind, I would think a man more punished who had murdered, to see him in a cell, than on a gallows; what I would think if I had been murdered myself, supposing me still to have the feelings of humanity in another state, is a different question. I might wish to have my adversary with me there; in order to retaliate, and to have the gratification of retributary vengeance. Unquestionably it must be a feeling of this nature, and a putting one's self in the place of a murdered person, that can lead to an idea that is but justice to the dead, that the murderer should die. It is but an innovation in the common law of our ancestors, the Saxons, to put to death, when a compensation could be made to the public, and to the relations of the deceased for the injury done, in taking away the life of an individual.

It seems to be a dictate of nature; for the early ages of man in all countries, sanctions this mode of atoneing for injuries, not excepting murder itself. Where there was a community of goods, compensation could not be made in this way, and confinement and hard labour would be the only punishment.

But, be this as it may, if life must go for life, I dislike the mode of taking it. The sus. per col. is an ugly minute on the docket. I do not know that they could have done better before the invention of gun powder; for beheading is not much better; if not rather more shocking, from the mutilation of the body.—I would prefer shooting; at least if I was to die myself by the order of the law, that would be my choice; and through the breast rather than the head; for I would not chuse to have the human countenance disfigured. I saw once four deserters shot, sitting on their coffins, and their graves dug beside them, and yet with these terrific circumstances, I thought them killed prettily in comparison of being put to death by the halter.—The guillotine is too appalling on account of the apparatus.—My mode of death, were it left to my choice, I mean death forced, would be to fall by a pistol shot by the hand of a mild compassionate female, drest in white muslin, who would have fortitude to be unmoved; because, in that case, death would be presented with as little terror as the nature of the case would admit. "To paint death as we do, is an injustice," says the duc de Ligne. "We should represent it in the shape of a tall, venerable, mild and serene matron with traces of beauty left on her countenance, and her arms opened gracefully to receive us. This is an emblem of an eternal repose after a sad life, replete with anxieties and storms."

I will admit, that the sudden impression, the theatrical effect, so to speak, of a public execution, is calculated to strike the multitude; but it is passing, and as to the deterring from the commission of crimes, no punishment can have any great effect. All depends upon the ways and means preventing; caution a priore, is the most effectual. I have weighed a good deal in my mind, the speeches of Julius Cæsar and Cato in the Roman Senate, on the sentence to be passed on the conspirators, the associates of Cataline. That of Cato prevailed, which was for the putting them to death; and with good reason, on that occasion, which was in the midst of an insurrection, and when a confidence in the power of government was necessary to be expressed, and the audacious intimidated, showing them what those who had the administration dared to do, against those who had so many of the populace on their side; and because also, in those perturbed times, there was no secure keeping them; they might have got out of custody in a short time, and have gone to increase the numbers of the traitors. Self preservation, in this case, necessity, dictated the putting out of life; yet it is remarkable, with what delicacy the Roman consul expresses the event, walking down to the Forum after their execution: "Vixeunt," they have lived. The Greeks also, in their mode of expressing the last offices, speak of having accompanied the departed, a little way on their journey. "Odou emarmenen," the appointed journey. What an impression must we have of the manners of those times, when torture preceded death; and death itself, was accompanied with all the horror of circumstances? May not the time come, when the putting to death at all, unless in extreme cases, such as those alluded to, will be felt as the proof of an uncivilized state of society; and a remnant of barbarity still retained by the prejudices of the vulgar?

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CHAPTER VI.

THE visionary philosopher had not yet abandoned his project of civilizing the brute creation, and teaching them the arts and sciences. He had caught a young panther, and, with a chain about its neck, had put it to study law with a young man of that profession, who wishing to get forward in the business, thought it could do him no harm, though it might not do the panther much good, to undertake the task. But there were those who bore testimony against this, being of opinion that lawyers were bad enough, even when made of the best materials.—This idea was supported by some sensible men, who could not conceive that this animal of the cat kind could ever be brought to be capable of explaining a matter to a jury, or stating a point of law to the court.

The visionary philosopher taking fire at this opposition to his discovery, invention, or improvement, or what else it might be called, exclaimed abundantly.—What is it, said he, whether he may be ever able to explain himself intelligibly at the bar? Cannot he grin, bite——

*    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

[There would seem here to be an hiatus in the manuscript, or the sheets misplaced. The editor cannot connect the narrative.]

It had come to the knowledge of the people, or, at least, was projected in the mean time, that after the proclamation for scalps, and the hunt which took place in consequence of it, the governor had been guilty of the most manifest partiality in screening the bog-trotter, who was as much liable as any person, no one having been more noisy in beer-houses, and active at town meetings, to bring about a convention, than he had been with the exception of Thady O'Conner, who had taken the benefit of the insolvent act; and a few others who had been refused tavern licences at the sessions. It was thought to be a ground of impeachment to connive at the secreting any one on such occasion.

The fact was, the governor was as innocent of the charge as any one among themselves, and so he declared to them; that for a considerable time past, he had ceased to have a controul over the bog-trotter; that like Noctra Mullin's dog, he had been at his own hand these six weeks; that is, since he got in to be constable.

The affair was like to take a very serious turn, and the people would not be satisfied: when Angus M'Donald, the Scotch gardener, having knocked down the panther that was studying law, and taken off a piece of his hide, came forward with it, saying it was little matter what had been done with Teague on the occasion alluded to, since he had put the law in force against him just now, and scalped him himself, as they might see by the red hair, and the blood. There is nothing sooner softens a passion, or calms a mad multitude than the yielding to it. Hence the fury abated in a moment; and when it occurred to them that their remonstrance to the governor had been the occasion of the tragedy, they began to blame themselves as having been too precipitate in their representations.

The difficulty now occurred, what to do with the bog-trotter. For it would not be safe that he should remain in the government, and that it should be visible that the scalping had been but a substitution, and not the genuine exuviae of the man. Harum Scarum was of opinion that it was best to knock him down in reality, and take his scalp to the people, laying the deception at the door of the Scotchman, as it really ought. The governor was opposed to that, as it was to save him from an impeachment that Angus, with great presence of mind, had bethought himself of the stratagem, to divert the fury of the populace.

But the visionary philosopher, in the mean time, enraged at the murder of his crony panther, and the lawyer with whom he was studying, dissatisfied, or seeming to be so, the circumstance was explained to the people. But they thought enough had been done for once, and that it was not necessary to pursue the matter farther. In fact, some of them were in the secret, and meant only pastime from the beginning.

However, thinking it might not be amiss to be out of the way for a while, the bog-trotter was sent over hill to dig potatoes, at the farm of Niel M'Mullin, a neighbouring gentleman.

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CHAPTER VII.

IT may be thought that in my allusions to impeachment, I may have in view what has happened in this state. It is probable, or rather certain, that it is this which has led me to think upon the subject, and to introduce it in a picture of democratic government, such as that I am now describing. But if it is inferred from thence, that I approve or condemn what has taken place in this state, it will be unfair; or at least a misconception. For I do not mean the any inferences, favourable or unfavourable, should be made from it. On the contrary, I am far from reprobating the power of impeachment in the constitution, or finding fault with a discreet use of it in practice. I look upon it, as the means of avoiding tumults, and assassinations. When dissatisfaction with the conduct of public officers, is suffered to show itself, and to have a vent in this way, the public mind, having an opportunity of hearing grievances discussed, and getting to know the real demerit, good or bad of the functionary, is more likely to be satisfied, and it is safer for the object of the obloquy. Nor, on examination, will it be found, that in many cases, where there is a public dissatisfaction with an officer, there has not been some foundation laid; if not in the very particular that is made the subject of enquiry, yet in some other that has led to it. As for instance; even in the case of Scipio Africanus, where, perhaps, a just cause has been the least suspected to have existed of all instances of a great man impeached, that are to be found in history. Yet if any one will read Livy attentively, in his account of the way in which this young man came forward into public life, he may anticipate the vexations he experienced after he had accomplished great things for the commonwealth. His error was, a premature competition for office. Before the age allowed by law, he set up for the Edile-ship, and carried it by the undue favour of the populace. "Si me, omnes Quirites edilem facere volunt, satis annorum habeo." How arrogant the expression; how insulting to the tribunes and Fabius Maximus, and others of the senate who opposed it? His offering himself for the proconsulate in Spain before his 24th year, "quatuor et viginti annos ferme natus, professus se petere," was more excusable from the occasion.

But it was in some degree by an affectation of religion and arts of dissimulation, that he had prepared the public mind, to favour his premature pretensions. From the time that he had put on the toga virilis, to this, he had been preparing the minds of the people. There was no day, before he did any thing private or public, but that he went into the capital, and entering a temple, sat down, and for the most part alone, in secret, and spent there some time. This custom, which was preserved through his whole life, whether designedly, or that it so happened, procured credit to the opinion published by some, that he was a man of divine stock, and brought up the story before common, of Alexander the Great, and equal to it, in fable and variety, that he had been conceived of a huge dragon, which had been seen in the bed of his mother; and which tale he increased by the art of neither contradicting nor assenting.

On his return from Spain, after the expiration of his proconsulate, he was willing to have accepted a triumph, though to that day, there had been no instance of any one triumphing, for whatever successes, unless he had had the command in chief; or, as the historian expresses it, qui sine magistratu res gessisset. It is true, it is said that "the hope of a triumph was rather tried than obstinately persisted in." But it shows a too great forwardness to catch at honours. But the inordinate nature of his ambition was more evident, on his obtaining the consulship, He grasped at Africa for his province, though not according to his lot, "nulla jam modica gloria contentus." And this he said openly, he would carry by the people, even if the senate set themselves against it. He made his words good, and the senate, with all the authority and reputation of Fabius Maximus, venerable from age and wisdom, and other aged likewise and experienced, were bullied by the tribunes and people into an acquiescence.

I cannot help considering his conduct in procuring the province of Africa for his brother Lucius, having Lælius for his colleague in the consulship, who equally was ambitious of that designation, as extremely indelicate in throwing his weight into the scale, in the deliberation of the senate between the two, by offering to serve under his brother as his lieutenant; if they would prefer his brother. By this means, and by his previous advice to his brother in submitting the matter to the senate, rather than to the chance of a lot, and thus having it in his mind to use the address of offering his services in a subordinate capacity, which was, in fact, obtaining the command for himself, he fixed in the minds of the principal men much chagrin and dislike. And deservedly; for ambition is self-love; and when it is at the expence of others, it is odious. Every man in a community has what may be ranked among the imperfect rights in society, a right to have his age considered, in pretention to office, and not to be intruded upon by the coming generation before its time; much less to have power engrossed even by virtue itself, or the most distinguished ability. For the keeping the flame of public spirit burning, is the vital principle of republican government, to which there is nothing more smothering than inequality in the chance of obtaining offices, honours, and emoluments. And if the next generation come on too soon, the seniors are pressed out, and lose their chance. Nor is it only by the younger intruding that this equality is effected, but the usurping by those of any age, of what is not equal.—And I call it usurpation, where any thing is obtained; what is more, where any thing is even taken, that reasonably ought to go to another, in consideration of standing, ability, or services. If these are obtained by popular favour, unduly coveted, what reason has the candidate to complain, or good men to regret, if the same caprice that has advanced, should, notwithstanding unimpeachable conduct, nevertheless impeach? We shall see that this was the case with Scipio.

He was impeached by the tribunes of the people on a charge of peculation, and converting the public money to his own use, in which there was no truth; but in the remainder of the charge, there was truth; "that he had pushed himself forward to foreign nations in a manner as if peace and war with the Roman people depended on him alone: That he had gone out as a dictator to his brother, rather than a lieutenant; and for no other purpose, but that he might show himself, and have it believed in the east, as he accomplished in the west, that he should seem the head and the pillar of the Roman empire: That a state, the mistress of the world, should seem to be under the shade of his power: That his nod stood in place of the decrees of the senate, or the orders of the people."

The charge of peculation he could easily answer; but these things he could not answer; nor was there any thing so definite in them, that strictly speaking, they could be made the ground of an impeachment; but it was easy to see that by reason of them, the alleged offence would be established, and which alone could come within the laws. He chose to withdraw from the trial, and go into banishment.

If, in like manner, impeachments that have brought a reproach upon republics were examined, it might be found, that in the greater part of them, bating sudden errors, and mistakes incident to all human affairs, there would be found, though not the best foundation for the particular charge alleged, and the sentence pronounced, yet remotely something blameable, which had led to the making the charge in question.

But even taking it as matters seem to be on the surface of things, the wrongs of democracy, and injustice of public characters, will be found to fall short of those under lurid despotism. For a view of this, let the history of the Roman empire, by Livy, be compared with that of the same people under the emperors, as we have it by the divine pen of Tacitus. There is no one who will consult the nature of things, or look into what has taken place in popular governments, but will think that there is greater chance for justice to an honest man, than where this depends upon the caprice of an individual. For it is not the despot himself that is alone to be dreaded; it is those he has about him, and will allege words spoken of him, or acts done against his government; when, in fact, it is their own resentment, for something done, or said, or omitted to be done, or said, which they wish to gratify.

A despotic government is safer for a dishonest man, and he has the best chance of coming forward there, where it is not ability or integrity that recommends, but subserviency to the passions of the prince.

But it is the rage of mere democracy that has brought reproach upon republics; democratic power unbalanced, is but the despotism of many instead of one. It is the balancing with stays and braces of distributed powers that gives safety. This distribution of power is the highest effort of the mind, and yet you will find but few, who, like my bog-trotter, will not conceive that they could form a constitution that would give energy and guard liberty. It is this false idea, overweaning conceit, that I have in view to ridicule. I am willing to give it the whole force of my indignation, in proportion as I know the error, and the consequences. Let any man look at a book published in this state, under the specious title of "Experience the test of government," and see the crude conceptions that it contains; I do not know by whom written, and he will be sensible of the consequences of putting the modelling of a constitution into such hands. "I am not afraid of the people of Pennsylvania," said a pompous orator to me. The fact was, he had nothing to be afraid of, unless they would take his scalp. Nor am I afraid of them on my own account; but on theirs; at least I am afraid on their account, as well as my own. For the formation of a government, is not a matter to which the bulk are competent: or if they will indulge caprice in changing, and they will go to change; whenever a change is made, it will be but a majority that is satisfied, and perhaps that not great;—and it is to be expected that a portion of the majority, not finding their account in the change, will associate with the former minority, and hence a change, and so toties quoties, until only one remains that is satisfied.

It will be said impeachment is of no use; the constitution being such, that a conviction cannot follow; it requiring such a proportion of the tribunal, before whom the impeachment comes to trial, to be of a mind. Is it nothing even in the case of an acquittal, to be scared half to death? Even on a representation of the people, and a citation before a committee of the house of representatives, one may as well be half hanged, as to undergo the terror.

Can any one, looking at the quarter sessions, think that there is no good by trying, even where there is no condemnation? I have known many a man tried, that I thought guilty in the letter of the law, and perhaps in spirit, but if acquitted by the exclusion of testimony not legal, or the leaning of the jury on the side of himself, or otherwise, I did not think there was nothing in the having brought to trial, and shaken the prisoner well over the indictment, or rather the indictment over him. He might reform, and it would be a warning to him.

It is possible, that something like oppression and tyranny, or bordering on these, both to people and bar, may have been complained of in judges with some cause in times past. Is it to be supposed that what has taken place, has contributed nothing to arrest, or remove this grievance? Would not the oppression and tyranny seem to have veered to the other side now, and to be found, in some degree, if not with the people, at least with the bar. It has seemed to me to be so, and it is therefore, but an emanation of my feelings when I pourtray in my imagination the disorder of untamed animals admitted to be advocates. It is doubtless a caricatura of what I mean, but a thing has usually some excess in it, to be felt as the proper subject of a caricatura. While the lawyer has it in his power to influence his client; and even to excuse his own ignorance or errors, by laying the loss of a cause upon a judge, or alleging oppression, the client can apply to a house of representatives, and the judge, of course, be brought down with facility, the presumption is, that he will bear a great deal of impertinence, impudence, and irregularity, before he will think it advisable to endanger the running the gauntlet, by entering into a contest with a powerful member of the bar. I do not mean powerful in point of talents; for there is nothing to be apprehended from men of ability; it is from the uninformed that the difficulty arises; and insults are received from them, because it is the instinct of their natures, to cover their defects by noise and arrogance; or, from a want of knowledge, they think themselves monstrously wronged, when they have the fairest hearing, and the fullest justice.

The suitors of the court, the jurors, the circumstantes, or bystanders, complain of the length of speech in the lawyers, and of the judges surrering them. There was a time when the judges might have taken some liberty in restraining, or at least frowning on diffusiveness of explanation; but more caution must be used now, lest offence should be given; judges being more under the weather than formerly. A prudent man in a judicial station, will bear for the present, what he will not always bear; because he will discern that this is not the time to make head; but that after some time, the current may begin to set in a different direction; and that may then succeed which now would but strengthen the tide. Besides, it is difficult to say when the speech is too long; and it may be a question whether the court ought to be suffered to judge of that.—The constitution provides that a man shall be heard "by himself or his counsel;" but it does not say how long he shall be heard. Admit the court may have a right to say, that the speech had been long enough as to them, have they a right to say that it has been long enough for the jury. How can they tell whether the jury are satisfied? What is more; is it the court or jury that have the right to say, that they have heard enough? Or, is it the suitor of his counsel, who have a right to say, we have not been sufficiently heard? Tyrrany and oppression, in refusing to hear, may be charged; and thus it is a matter that must depend a good deal upon the temper of the times, and upon a discreet discernment of what is practicable, on particular occasions, or with particular persons, that a judge must determine what to do. A man of sense at the bar, is easily manageable; but a weak man is as difficult to manage, as the visionary philosopher's panther.

Do our representatives in our legislative bodies, always confine themselves to the point, though they may to the question? In other words, is it possible to keep them to order, though it may be to call them? Is it found possible to abridge their harangues while breath and strength of lungs last? If those whose business is not speaking can find such facility in prolonging a discourse, what may not be expected of such as are more in the habit; and without fatiguing themselves, can speak interminably? Were our orators in the legislative bodies as much in the hearing of the people, as the advocates of our courts, they might be complained of as much for the length of their speeches. In the courts, it is no uncommon thing for the judges to express a weariness of the tediousness of counsel; and sometimes to attempt to bring them to the point, and to abridge their harangues; but it will seldom, if ever, be found to answer any end but to prolong the discussion; for if you restrain at one point, there will be an overflowing at another;—and it being like to come to an altercation, which is indecent, it will seem best to give up the contest, and let the thing take its course. The line is so delicate between unseasonable interruption by the court in calling the point, and what is justifiable, that it is difficult to fix it without doing injustice, and impossible without giving dissatisfaction. In human affairs, there is no reaching the perfect in the application of principle. All that can be done, is to come as near it as possible, by a just discernment of circumstances. What is done, may be blamed; but there might be more blame, had the contrary been done.

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CHAPTER VIII.

CONSIDERATIONS ON THE POWER OF IMPEACHMENT

Continued.

THE power of impeachment, is the most salutary principle of a free government. Where there is a full scope for this, there is no danger of convulsions: and there is a prospect that the constitution may be preserved. Injustice may be done: no doubt of that, and injustice, a thousand times, has been done. But it is the fortune de guerre; the fate of war; in other words, a tacit condition of the acceptance of an office. It is a maxim of law, qui sentit commodum sentire debet et onus. A good book might be written on the history of impeachments. It would be instructive, and might be entertaining.

I would like to see the sentiment I have broached, fully developed; and the history of impeached characters so far traced, as to see whether some conduct in a public capacity, or in the ways and means of getting at public office, or appointment, had not laid the foundation of the ultimate prosecution. The presumption is, that the shoe must have pinched somewhere, to have produced that uneasiness which has been felt; and which has terminated in a public accusation. And in some particular, perhaps, in which the individual may have deserved commendation rather than blame; but upon which it has been thought the more practicable to succeed, taking into view the prejudices of the times. Such an investigation of causes and effects, might save the character of democratic governments from such blame. I admit it would not perfectly justify the impeaching for one cause, while another was more in the minds of the public; but it would account for it, and excuse it. One is less shocked at the imprisonment and fine of Miltiades, when we recollect his demand of an olive crown after the battle of Marathon. It was answered to him, "when you shall conquer alone, it will be time enough to ask to have honours paid you alone." It may easily be seen, from his coveting this distinction, that his ambition was not sufficiently regulated; and it may be inferred, that the like spirit exhibited in other instances, may have given just offence to a people jealous of equality.

I have known a man in office, whose sordid mind in money matters, appeared to me to render him undeserving of an office; and though this could not render him liable to an impeachment; yet, if he was impeached for something bordering on what was impeachable, there would be a predisposition to be reconciled to his being found guilty. For no man deserves an office in a republic, that is mean in money matters, and is justly chargeable with a sordid economy.

Inordinate self-love in the accumulation of office, in a single family, is at all times obnoxious to popular dislike; and the most upright discharge of a public function, will not atone for the engrossing money in one's own person, or that of connections.

One consideration ought to go a great way in reconciling the public mind, in a popular government, to the bearing these things when they occur, that nature is constantly acting to remove the grievance by death, and in this way to bring about rotation in office. Combinations will be broken by the quiet operation of this general law; pluralities will disappear; and the poor devil that is disgracing himself by a nearness that is contemptible, cannot always live to enjoy, if he ever may be said to enjoy the savings of his penury. In the mean time, it is a satisfaction, that if the general contempt is not felt by him, it is felt by every one else.

Where a man is liberal in his private dealings, and contributes to objects of utility, according to his means, he is thought to be deserving of office, and his generosity and public spirit, like charity, will cover a multitude of sins. It is rare that such a character becomes the subject of popular prosecution. Where indeed his liberality is but the stilt of his ambition; and this is indulged so as to wound the self-love of others; we need not wonder if it draws persecution. The most manly thing that I know in the history of the Roman senate, is the impeaching Manlius Capitolinus. Generosity and public spirit on his part had showed itself to be but the stilt of ambition. That is, it was not public spirit, but inordinate self-love. He had saved Rome in defending the capitol; but he was not satisfied with the consciousness of this, and the gratitude of his country on all occasions expressed; but he must be the only man of any name in the state. With a view to this, what were his arts? Affecting to be the advocate of all confined for debt; paying debts himself for some, with ostentation; showing his wounds and scars, and perpetually talking of defending the capitol; haranguing against the senate, and charging them with concealing the public treasures; remonstrating with the community on their not knowing their own strength, and doing themselves justice in the government. From these arts, such was his influence with the body of the people, that even the dictator, Cornelius Cassus, the second after Romulus, who had taken the spolia opima; and who was created dictator for this purpose, amongst others, of checking the sedition, dreaded it more than the war against the Volsci, which he was obliged first to meet. For though returning victorious over the enemy, and armed with the honour of a triumph, yet he considered the contest at home as the more formidable; and though he had ordered him into custody; yet had not thought it advisable to proceed farther against him. It was thought that his abdicating the dictatorate, which he did at this time, was owing to his not choosing to meet the tempest that was breaking out on behalf of this demagogue to liberate him from the prison. The consuls now chosen and the senate, were in consternation, when at the proposition of two tribunes of the people, Marcus Mœnius, and Quintus publius, the bold measure was adopted of charging him before the people themselves, and bringing him to an impeachment. The result was, that the very people rallying onward to support him, were arrested in a moment at the idea of guilt charged upon him, and themselves made the judges. What was the charge? Why simply that of attempting to destroy the balance of the government, by inflaming the populace, and running down the senate. Yet strange as it may seem, this very populace who were alleged to be the subject of his arts, and the means of his treason, on a fair examination, found him guilty; and in order to stamp his conduct with perpetual disgrace, it was provided, that no one of the family of Manlius, should ever bear the name of Marcus, which was his name. He was thrown from the Tarpeian rock like the vilest of criminals.

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CHAPTER IX.

THE visionary philosopher having put himself at the head of an institution for teaching beasts, had collected sundry of what he thought the most docile animals. He had in his academy, as it might be called, under scholastic discipline, a baboon, a pet squirrel, a young bear, and half a dozen pigs, &c. &c. The squirrel, as in the case of young masters, with the sons of rich people, he encouraged or coaxed, to get his task by giving him nuts to crack; and the pigs, by throwing them rinds of pompions, or parings of apples; the bear and the baboon in like manner, by something in their way; and so with all the others. Some he intimidated by the ferule and the birch. He was instructing them according to the Lancasterian mode, or method, to make marks on sand, and to write before they began to read.

Things were going on very well, to all appearance, and to the satisfaction of the tutor, when a catastrophe which now took place brought the matter to a conclusion. It was not from the lady who had brought the pet squirrel to be taught, though she had expressed some impatience at the favourite not making a more rapid progress, because she was sure it had genius. But she had forbidden the professor to use the rod; and what ground could she have to expect a close application, and a quickness of perception without a stimulus to the mind, by the feelings of the body? However, it was not from the lady taking away her scholar, or that of any of the other employers and subscribers withdrawing their rabbits, or other students, but from that wicked fellow, Will Watlin, followed by Harum Scarum with a switch, who, breaking into the menagerie, exclaimed to the professor, or principal; it is not of much consequence now which he is called:—What, said he to the master of the hall, is it in imitation of your pupils, that you are here in your bare buff? Sans culottes, have you nothing to cover your nakedness? Had you put yourselves in your sherryvallies, or overalls, there would have been some decency—Every thing is French now-a-days. Is it French that you are teaching these to speak, or write? I see a baboon there; Louis, I suppose, is his name. He will learn French fast enough, if that is all you have put upon his hands. He was a Frenchman as far back as Arbuthnot. The squirrel may chatter something, and it may sound to us like French. Do you mean to make the bear a parlez-vous? No wonder that the two John Bulls, senior and junior, the old and the New England, should talk of French influence. Do you expect your pigs will be made officers under Bonaparte, interpreters, perhaps? I would have you know that we have too much French amongst us already. If the French should come over to us in an oyster-shell; for I do not see what else they have to come over in; and this they could not do unless, like Scotch witches, there might be some use in currying favour with Napoleon.

But is the discipline of your school correct, even if there was something to be taught that would be of use, in science, in agriculture or in commerce? Do you instruct them in history or good breeding; to keep their persons clean, to pare their nails, and shave their beards, those of them that are grown gentlemen? That fellow there the racoon, does not appear to me to have had his beard shaved these two weeks. It is true, I do not see any of them with a cigar in his teeth, like the American monkies and opossums, the greater part of them of a bad family education; and so farewell. But that mongrel between the terrier and the pointer breed, with a collar on his neck, may be said to have a collar without a shirt to it. I am tired of these remarks; away with you, away.

With that, Will Watlin drawing his wattle, and Harum Scarum using his switch, they began to lay about them. The monkey leaped; the pigs squealed, the squirrel chattered and ran into his cage, the bear growled, the pointer howled, &c &c &c. The education was thus interrupted, and the institution broken up.

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CHAPTER X.

THE bog-trotter complaining of neglect, alleging his services at the original establishment of the government in trailing a pine log, and thereby intimidating the populace at his coming to the settlement, the governor was constrained to give him an office; and selecting one for which he thought he might be, in some respects, qualified, he made him an auctioneer. It could not be said that he had not a pretty strong voice; and in knocking down an article with his mallet, "once, twice, tree times," with the assistance of a clerk, the sales were pretty rapidly effected. Occasionally he made a blunder, as knocking down a frying pan, and at another time a brass kettle, he rung too long, because the sound pleased him. He alleged that a hive of bees had swarmed, and he was ringing to get them to cluster. All agreed that he made a pretty good vendue master; but still he was not satisfied; and an ambassador being about to be appointed to the Barbary powers, he was willing to go to Algiers, Tunis, or Tripoli. His friends favoured his pretension, Thady O'Connor, and some others, who had an expectation of accompanying him; Thady as secretary, and others in different offices. The governor resisted the application on the ground that one office was enough at a time. His resignation even would not justify it; because it would look as if there was a penury of men of talents, when it behooved to take one from his duty, as if another person could not be found who was as well qualified. The junto, and Teague himself, spoke of the appointment of John Jay to the court of London, while he was chief justice, not resigning; and of Ellsworth, also a chief justice, in a similar situation; and of Albert Gallatin, who was secretary, and continuing such; yet maugre all the clamour, and even good grounds, as Jefferson and Madison, and others thought, he, the said Albert, was appointed by the said Madison to an embassy.

These things were all wrong, said the Governor. I do not mean the finding fault, but the doing that with which the fault was found.

Could Washington do wrong? said a stickler on the side of the bog-trotter. Yes, said the Governor, and Adams too.—These were the bad precedents that Madison followed. I shall not copy after; not questioning but that these treaty making people might be very capable, or perhaps the most capable; but were they the only persons to be found that were adequate to the task? I will not say but that my bog-trotter might make a very good ambassador, with instructions, and the advantage of a secretary; but is Teague O'Regan alone, in all the land, to be singled out for this trust? After searching the whole country from Dan to Beer-Sheba, can I find no other that can sustain the weight of negociation? If I do appoint him, he must resign his place as auctioneer, and does he know that the Algerines are Turks? And if he goes there, I mean to the Barbary coast, he must be circumcised, and loose——

Loose what? said Thady O'Connor.

I will not say what, said the Governor; but you may guess.

There is more effect in a hint, than when the story is spoken out; and therefore Thady, and the auctioneer also, their imagination outrunning their judgment, and their fears their ambition, concluded it would be best to stick to the hammer, and for Teague to remain a crier of vendues, and Thady O'Connor clerk.

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FRAGMENTS.

WHAT is the reason that there is usually more talent in a new settlement than in an old? Is it the fact? That would lead to a discussion of some delicacy, in our republic, and induce comparison, which, according to the proverb, is odious. But there is doubtless some ground for the assertion, that our best generals and ablest orators in congress, have come from the west or been of the new states. As to generals, Harrison, Brown and Jackson might be mentioned. As to orators, we have had Patrick Henry, of a frontier in Virginia; and I might mention one of my own name of Kentucky, though he spelt it Breckenridge as my father did; but thinking him wrong I altered it, because I found the bulk of the same stock spelt it so; and particularly doctor Brackenridge of the philosophical society in London. Clay, Crawford, &c. of the congress in later times, are examples. But supposing it the fact, can I assign the cause? It is sometimes accident. Sallust in his Introduction to the Bellum Catalinarium, asks, How came it, that the Roman state rose to such eminence, the Greeks being before in the arts, and the Gauls in valour? Reflecting on the subject, he resolves it into the circumstance of a few great men having arisen in it.

Nevertheless, though it may be sometimes a matter of casualty, yet it would seem to me that it cannot well be otherwise; but that in new countries the human genius will receive a spring, which it cannot have in the old. But the cause lies deeper; and in this, that the strongest minds, and the most enterprising, go there. They are thrown upon the vigour of their own intellect. Why is it that subterranean fire bursts from the earth, but because it has an energy that breaks through obstructions, and ascends to a higher element? The plodding cub stays at home, while the more active tatterdemalion, quits his paternal roof, and goes to build a cabin, and make a new roof for himself, in the wild woods of Tennessee, or elsewhere. The same elasticity and spirit of mind, which brought him there, gives him distinction where he is. The independence of his situation contributes to this; fettered by no obligation, and kept down by no superiority of standing. Why is it in the arts, that an age of great men cannot but be succeeded by an inferiority of powers? This hold true in poetry, which is the province of the imagination. Why did the slaves, on a certain occasion, defy the swords of their masters, but yielded to their whips? It was owing to the subjugation of habit. People accustomed to feel superiority in a certain way, are discouraged in their efforts.

The streams of a new country are more abundant, and the springs burst more plentifully. This is owing to the shades which hang over them; which not only render their margins and fountain heads more pleasing, but serve to protect from the exhaling heat, and conciliate dews, and the moisture of the clouds. Hence it is, that it is greatly blameable to cut down the trees about a spring head; or, if it can be dispensed with, the grove on the hill above. For these wonderfully contribute to preserve the abundance of the current, and the perennial flow. It is for this reason I was delighted with the cascades of a new country, tumbling over rocks; because when one thinks of bathing, there are mossy banks to strip upon, and deep shades to embower and conceal from the nymphs. For one is not afraid of any one else there, unless, perhaps, a young girl looking after cows, who would not much mind it, being used to see people without much covering to their carcases, nor much caring whether they have any. For it is in cities that the abodes of luxury and false taste, where we depart most from the simplicity of Eve in Paradise, who

"Clouted Adam's grey breeks,"

or pantaloons, when he had a pair.

I feel the grandeur of these water falls, and at the same time have a sense of the salubrity of the immersion. For I take the application of cold water to the body in hot seasons, to be not only pleasant, but wonderfully medical. The effusion of cold water removes heat, and by the direct action which we call a shock, braces the system.

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CHAPTER XI.

I HAVE often thought, that if a President of the United States in our time, had a Jewish prophet to denounce to the people their political transgressions; that is the swerving from the true faith, in other words, his own party; how much more secure his standing would be! How much less vexed by the calumny of editors, and paragraphs in gazettes! Among the Britons, the aborigines or early inhabitants, the druids, did not denounce much; but what they lacked in speaking, they paid away in acting; and a disturber of the government being pointed out by these, it was not long before he was in an ozier creel; the Simulacra contexta viminibus, and his breath extinguished by the flame.

Would it not have been possible for president Madison, for the $50,000 paid to Henry, to have secured as many of the New England clergy in his favour, as would have made them act as druidical priests in support of his administration? I cannot say I would wish to see the wicker basket introduced; but I was thinking of the effect of the practicability of establishing something that would be in lieu of it: that is, the influence of the priesthood, but not in the same way. Pulpit denunciations have a prodigious effect to the eastward. It is no wonder that the religious functionaries of that part of the union have made a noise both before and since the war. If they really believed, and it is possible they did, that Bonaparte had transmitted several tons of French crowns to the United States: finding that none of them came their way, what wonder if they became dissentients to the war? Madison should have made a point of securing at least a majority of these Congregationalists. It was upon this rock the witches split, in not having secured Cotton Mather, when they made their descent upon New England.—The consequence was that an uproar was raised against them; and they were hanged and drowned, till the people began to be satisfied that there was not a witch left; and for a plain reason, because there never had been one. If the people were not satisfied at this, yet certain it is, they ought to have been—so saith the writer of this book. But I will not take a Bible oath upon it, that there are not John Bulls in that quarter, as true as ever crost the ocean, and were imported to this country.

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TAKE the individual man, and how difficult it is to form him. Between the boy, and the man it is the most difficult to govern him: from the time that the voice begins to break the treble of the puerile age to the counter of that of manhood. Here we have to do with the confidence of feeling some power of mind, and the insolence of inexperience. It is the same with men in a state of society. A constitution has been framed; it is impossible to convince them that they cannot make a better. The young, as they grow up, despise what has gone before them. They are sanguine of temperament, and take it for granted that the world has never seen such creatures as they are before. That, whatever errors others have committed, in the like situation, they will have the judgment to avoid. It is not till by disappointment, and the vexation attendant upon it, that they can be brought to know themselves, and to rate their natural talents, and their discretion at a lower estimate. A man must be forty years of age, said lord treasurer Burleigh, before he begins to suspect that he is a fool, and fifty before he knows it. It is on the same principle that an individual must have lived a long time in a republic before he can be a republican. Some have gone so far as to say, he must have been born and brought up under a republican government, to have the habits and way of thinking of a republican. Rollin, I think it is who says, he must at least have lived fifty years before he is fit to be trusted with affairs.

There is more in age as a qualification for the right of suffrage, or the right of delegation, than in that of property, REAL or PERSONAL. The longevity of our republic will depend upon there being an amendment of this nature. Young cocks should never be heard to crow in the senate house, or young whelps to bark. It is true the Scripture says, "Bray a fool in a mortar and he will not be wise." All length of time, and all experience of consequences from his own errors, will not correct. But he must be a fool indeed, an idiot, that will not derive some advantage from what he has seen and suffered. When a member has made a speech in a deliberative body, of some hours continuance, and finds that he grows no taller in reputation, and which he will in due time discover, he will not be unwilling to abridge his ventriloquy on other occasions: for I call it ventriloquy, it deserves no better name. There were two Raneys here, some years ago, ventriloquists. If we had them in congress to imitate jay-birds, and amuse the members, till a decent time had passed to let the question be put, it might be an improvement; I say a decent time, because appearances would be saved, and as we on the bench have an advisari vult sometimes out of courtesy to the counsel, as if the argument on the wrong side had nevertheless puzzled us, so civility to adversaries is not altogether lost, by affecting to think the matter not just as plain as a pikestaff: you may conciliate, and gain attention when you are wrong yourselves, that is, when they think you wrong.

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THERE is no moral truth, the weight of which can be felt without experience. What do I mean by moral truth? I mean that which depends upon the nature of man, and is the foundation of his actions. Who would comprehend without feeling it, that it is of all things the most difficult to govern men? The most simple way, and doubtless the most effectual, is the same by which you would govern a beast; the bridle and the whip. An individual at the head of an organization, may command millions, and keep them in subjection; but in this case, no one can be allowed a will of his own, to the smallest extent. If the two legged thing, that calls himself a man under such a government, should attempt to speak or act for himself, off his head goes, scalp and all, and there is an end of the disturbance. There is one way, which is to let the multitude alone altogether, and then there is anarchy, or no government. If you let them alone, it does not suit very well, for in that case they rob; and there being no security, there is no industry, and, consequently no improvement in the arts, or amelioration in the condition of man. If you undertake to restrain their passions, how will you go about it, but by force or persuasion? Persuasion will go but a little way with a man that is hungry to hinder him from putting his paw upon whatever eatable there is before him. It must be, therefore force. All government must be therefore founded in fear. It is but a conceit in Montesquieu, to found a republic upon the principle of virtue; a monarchy upon that of honour; and a despotism upon that of fear. Fear is the foundation of government, of man, as much as of a horse, or an ass. The great secret is to govern him, not just as you would a beast; but by the fear of suffering a distant evil. The reason and reflection of a man can comprehend this; that of a beast not so much. What we have seen in this new settlement, is a picture of the credulity, and restlessness of man, and his constant struggle to break through that organization of power by which he is restrained from that to which his passions prompt. He will endeavour to break through, by talking of changing the modes of government. But it is not the mode, but the being governed at all that displeases him. A constitution is that organization by which a man is governed by rules that apply to every individual of the community; and from which no one is exempt, but all bound to obey. This is what is called a republican government. The changing a constitution begets the desire of change; and like a dislocated bone, must produce a weak joint. It ought to be some great defect that would justify a change. The one half the effect of laws or general rules, is the being acted under. It injures a saddle horse to put him in harness; because he must change his gaits.

The governor had acquired considerable authority over this mob, by the intimidation of scalping, and I take it he will speak in a more decisive tone, and act with proportioned firmness in the future exigencies of the commonwealth. Fraud is sometimes called, pia frau, because it is a deception of the people for their own good. But fraud is not admissible, but on the ground that they are in a temporary phrensy, and not in a condition to hear reason.

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A BOOK entitled, Incidents of the insurrection in the western parts of Virginia and Pennsylvania, in the year 1794, gives a picture of a people broke loose from the restraints of government, and going further than they had intended to go. If that book was republished at this time, and circulated in the Eastern states, it could not but contribute to show the danger of even talking of a severance of the union, or an opposition to the laws.—The bulk will take one another to be in earnest in these matters, when individually, they never thought of carrying the project farther than talk. It is not a want of understanding that prompts dissatisfaction in this part of the republic, but, a want of self-denial, and humility. Doubtless it may be said that Virginia, though she has ore of a good quality, has wrought her mine too much, in protruding presidents; and there is no intelligent man, but will approve of an amendment to the constitution of the United States, to remedy such engrossing in time to come; but they will support the administration, since it is the will of the majority for the time being. An error in the expedient, and this could be considered only an error in what was expedient, is a small matter compared with a violation of principle. Opposition to an administration, is an error in principle, and may lead, though not intended by the actors, to the destruction of the machine.

If, in giving a picture of a Hartford convention, in the narrative of the proceedings of a new settlement, I should, in due time, have a convention here too. I will have no chaplains, because it looks like a burlesque; and it would be ten to one, if the governor could keep Teague O'Regan from being one of them. If the people would insist upon it, how could he help it? The Reverend Teague O'Regan, I presume, he must then be called, to give the greater solemnity to his function; but this very designation would but increase the farce.

I wonder what business our legislative bodies, of the individual states; or governors, or congress, or presidents have with proclaiming days of festivity, or humiliation, which ought to be left to the societies of religious denominations? It savours of hypocrisy or the temporal power to interfere.

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CHAPTER XII.

THE visionary philosopher, notwithstanding the want of success which attended his speculations, had still great weight amongst the people. I mean, his opinions had great weight; for though a tall man, he was not of great corpulency. It had been suggested that it behooved to impose taxes for the support of government. What? said the philosopher, have you not got a constitution; and cannot a constitution work without taxes? At all events, what is called an impost may suffice.

An impost; what is that? said a man amongst the crowd.

Why, an imposition, said another, what else could it be?

Impost, has nothing to do with imposition, said the philosopher. It is to knock down a man when he comes into the settlement, and take his money from him. The English have what they call a poll-tax, or a tax upon scalps. It cannot but raise a good sum from red people, who take so many from the whites. In some governments, they tax boots.

Would it not be better to lay a tax upon legs, as being more easy to be collected, and less liable to evasion? said an honest man.

Of all taxes, said one in answer; I think this would be the most easily evaded; because a man could run away with his legs.

Robbing people that come into the settlement, will not do, said one; at least for a permanent revenue; because it will keep people from coming. I am against all constraint upon ourselves, or any one else. I propose voluntary and occasional contributions.

You propose a fiddle, said his opponent. Voluntary, and occasional! Do you conceive a man could spare a pound of flesh, or an ounce of blood, occasionally, for any great length of time? He might bear the first slash that he got; but he would wince at the second.

Loans, loans, said a financier; you have nothing more to do than to borrow a million now and then, when you are out of money.

Why, if robbing pedlars will not do, said the Visionary Philosopher, I think loans must be the next resort.

A pretty noise we have made about a constitution, said a smart looking man in a pair of leather breeches; if there must be force constantly applied to the wheels; and money expended to keep it going.

How can a machine go unless it be wrought, said a man with a sloutched hat—without some to work it; and how can it be wrought without hands? I mean persons hired for the purpose; and if hired, they must be paid.

I do not know, unless you apply steam, said an ingenious mechanic.

Would you make the government a steam boat? said one in a bear-skin coat. But supposing it the case; you must have coals to boil the water, and produce steam.

At this point of the game, a simpleton came forward, and spoke as follows:—Gentlemen said he, I am but a fool fellow, a mere ass, a sheep, and what not; but I do not see how we can borrow, unless we expect to pay; and if what is borrowed is to be paid, why not pay in the first instance?

That will not do, said an artful member; we will be turned out, if we lay a tax; the people must be cheated by our borrowing in the mean time, and leaving it to those that come after us to lay a tax, and pay.

What use in having a general financier, said the multitude, if he cannot make money out of chips and whet-stones? If nothing more is to be done, than to count the money, or cast up the tax when it is paid into him, any cod-head may do that.

A financier may do a great deal more than that, said an intelligent person. He may determine and report upon what a tax may be best laid, and to what amount. But if we hesitate to tax at all, I grant you any body may be a financier; for it is an easy matter to borrow, if you can get any to be fools to lend without funds to sustain it, and at least, pay the interest. But why borrow when a man has money in his chest? I would call for this; every man his proportion according to his property, just as we subscribe to an undertaking; and the only difference is, that, in this case, we subscribe what we think we can afford; in that, we contribute what the community shall think we ought to advance; the community, through some organization of officers, and these being the judges. "Put yourselves in an attitude and armour for war." What is this but to raise money, which is the means of war? It did not mean to clothe yourselves in sheet iron, or in bull's hides; but to go to the bottom of the matter, and to lay a tax to support a war. No difficulty in procuring soldiers for a campaign, if you have money; no necessity to call upon militia; you will have enough to offer their services. It is money makes the mare go. Give me money and I will shew you men; and when I have the men to shew, there will be no war.

Aye, said Teague O'Regan, give me de boys, and a shilelah, and I will clear de fair. If you will give me de money, I will get de whiskey; and if I have de whiskey, I will have de boys, and let me see who will like to come to blows wid Teague O'Regan.

This speech pleased the people much; and they insisted upon the Governor to place Teague at the head of the finances.

It is more than probable he might have been advanced to the head of this department, the Governor yielding to the solicitation of the people, had not the popular voice propelled him in a different direction. For about this time it was reported that he had taught a cat to speak. It is true, that as he had seen done in Ireland, by taking the lower jaw between his finger and thumb of the left hand, and pinching her upper jaw with the finger and thumb of the other hand, moving the lower jaw, in the mean time, as she mewed, he would make her pronounce something that resembled the saying Erin go bra, which was Irish; and by another kind of movement, and braking of the voice, it would seem to be, bacon, fat bacon, which was English. From this specimen, it was thought that if put at the head of an academy to teach beasts to articulate, he might succeed better than any had yet done. He was called principal, and being made a Doctor of laws, was put at the head of the institution. But it took more time to teach the principal, I mean the bog-trotter, to make him mark and write something like L.L.D. at the end of his name, than it had done him to teach the cat; and if you had not known that it was L.L.D. that the letters ought to be, you would have been at a loss to know what they were. It is necessary that a man in a station which bespeaks learning, be a Doctor of laws; but it does not always follow that he be learned in the laws; at least I have known some that are not the most profound scholars, on whom this degree has been conferred. To make the bog-trotter a Doctor of laws was some advance; but, it would be more to confer that degree on one of his pupils, a bear, or a young elk; at least it would occasion more surprise.

The Visionary Philosopher had made out a system of rules and regulations for the government of the academy; in other words the discipline of the institution; such as conditions of admission, price of tuition, grade of classes, freshman, sophomore, &c. books to be read, hours of study, and vacation; meals, kind of food, with matters that regarded the decency of manners, such as that squirrels should not crack nuts, nor pigs eat apples in the school rooms; nor racoons chew tobacco or smoke segars. It was particularly inculcated on all, that they should rise early, wash their snouts, comb their hair, and pare their nails as becomes a student.

All things were arranged for this menagerie; and a proper number of the more tractable of animals got together to begin with, such as young cubs, whelps, &c. when it was put into the head of the Principal, by some of the more high minded of his countrymen, that it was a degradation to have it said, that an Irishman was teaching beasts; to be called a horse professor and the like. Whether it was that the pride of the bog-trotter took alarm at this, or that he saw the ridicule himself; he threw up the trust and would have no more to do with it. The people were dissatisfied, and his popularity fell as rapidly as it had risen.

Transit gloria mundi; There is nothing so fleeting as sublunary joys; and of all these, popularity is the most evanescent. It was but a short time ago, which was the occasion of the bog-trotter teaching the cat, and having succeeded, that he was caressed by the multitude, followed, chaired, &c. but it so happened that the chairing took place in a small cabin; and when he was raised suddenly, those hoisting, not having due regard to the height of the story, he struck his head against the ceiling, or rather rafters; for there was no ceiling; at which the Latin schoolmaster exclaimed,

"Sublimi feriam sidera vertice."

But what gave him more consolation, was the having a dinner given him, the Chief Justice presiding, and toasts drank. For it is not in our time as it was at the Olympic games, or a Roman triumph, or ovation, that an oak leaf, or a sprig of laurel, or a bunch of ivy, a branch of olive, or some other unsubstantial vegetable was the gift. In modern and more improved times, we have solid food of flesh, and sauces, to gratify the palate. Certain it is, the bog-trotter had been feasted abundantly during his popularity; but now on the ebb of this, he had declined so far in reputation, that he could not have been made a constable. So fortuitous and unstable is the popular voice. Whereas heretofore during the current of his favour, things were imagined to his advantage that he had never done, and words framed that he had never spoken; so now the reverse took place; speeches were framed it is true, but they were all to his disadvantage; as for instance, that he had said the moon was made of green cheese; that a snake was a vegetable; that the only conversion with the fanatics was the turning the heels where the head should be; that he had reflected on the general government, saying that gun boats were only fit to make Virginia hog-troughs; that an embargo was like yoking pigs where there was no fence; that borrowing money only became a young spendthrift, who was afraid to apply to his father of his guardians; that there were faults on both sides, weakness on the part of administration, and wickedness on the part of the opposition.

These allegations might be all true enough; but he had not the sense to make them; but bearing down, every thing must be heaped upon him. An editor of a paper, who had boasted he could write down any man in six weeks, opened his battery; charged him with tumbling, and bog-trotting, and shaving himself with a bad razor; some things frivolous, and some things false; but it went to compose a paragraph. There was no standing this. The bog-trotter was at a loss what to do; whether to withdraw from society, and take a hut to himself in some corner of the settlement; or to quit the country and to live amongst the savages, and wild beasts, when a mere accident gave him some countenance in the community. It was reported that he had found a stone; and doubtless he had, for it was an easy matter to find a stone on a piece of ground which had been once the bed of the river; and these stones also round and lubricous; but it was suggested to be what is called the philosopher's stone. This hint, some wag had communicated to the Visionary Philosopher, who went immediately in quest of Teague. The truth is, the stone had something singular in its configuration, and was perhaps a petrifaction. The Philosopher, though somewhat irritated at the Irishman's desertion of the trust in educating beasts, yet as it is natural with visionary men, was struck with this new idea, as what might be turned to account in making gold and silver in the present scarcity of specie, the banks having refused to issue any for their notes; and adopting a conciliatory address, he bespoke the bog-trotter. Teague, said he, I am not come to take you up, not being an officer of justice; nor having any thing to do with the matter of your teaching beasts; for it has occurred to myself, that if taught to speak, and sent to congress, they might gabble like magpies, and the remedy would be worse than the disease; so that I came, not displeased with you, on account of your relinquishing the tuition; more especially as you have found out the means of replenishing the national treasury, by this stone that has fallen in your way. It is a desideratum in chemistry that has been long sought after; and if Redheiffer had turned his attention to that, instead of the perpetual motion, it would have been better for the public. For though an editor made a demonstration of it as plain as a problem in Euclid, yet some still doubt the fact of a perpetual motion being discovered, except in the tongue of a member of congress.

Have you made any silver out of this stone yet? I should like to see a little of it.

I have made a pewter spoon, said the bog-trotter, and dat is de next ting to silver, and a lead bullet, and a piece of copper; but de spalpeens have robbed me o' dese, and took dem out o' my pocket whilst I was aslape, and no body de wiser for it; bad luck to dem, de shape-stalers, and tiefs.

Come back with me to the settlement, said the Philosopher, and I will make a man of you.

Dat I will, said the bog-trotter; and see de Governor, and show him de stone.

The stone was shown to the Governor, who was glad to see the bog-trotter again; but had no faith in the discovery. The stone, said the Governor, is a very pretty stone, made by the rolling and tumbling of the water, in one part, and breaking off in another; or it has been originally a piece of wood, cut by a joiner, and is petrified; but I would just as soon take a stick to make gold, as I would a stone. A stick to hold in one's hand, and compel a robbery, would be as efficacious as a stone; and this is the only way that I know of making money, suddenly, which cannot be done, unless you have some one to rob that has money.

The Philosopher with Teague, appealed to the people, and reported that the Governor was averse to the having money made.—The only remedy in this case was, the threatening that they would turn him out and put Teague in, or the Visionary Philosopher for Governor. With a view to this, and to refresh his popularity, a dinner was once more given to the bog-trotter. The toasts were, Down with paper money; gold and silver the genuine circulating medium, &c. &c. &c.

When the bog-trotter retired, a volunteer was given: "Our noble bog-trotter."

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CHAPTER XIII.

THE governor, wearied out by this folly of the people of his government, and being somewhat in a passion, at a meeting of the legislature, instead of sending a message, came in, and with a speech made the welkin ring. For it was out of doors that they were convened, not having yet built a state-house; and being a man of very powerful lungs, like some of your warriors of antiquity, or Shelby of Kentucky, in modern times, and mounting a stump, on a rising ground, the heavens his canopy, he raised his stentorian voice.

"Good people, said he, I care no more about my popularity with you; or whether I am again to be chosen governor or not, than I care whether you are fools or knaves; it all comes to much the same thing; for in both cases, you mistake your own interest. If this fool fellow, Teague O'Regan, that has been one day popular with you, so as to be fit for any office, and at another day not fit to be your hangman, has found a stone, which this politician, the visionary philosopher, gives out as having the virtue of transmuting metals, and changing wood or shells into gold and silver; if this ragamuffin, I say, has found such a stone, which I no more believe than that my horse's hoof has the virtue of changing the earth that he treads upon, into gold; what good would it do you, when the very thing that makes such metal precious, scarcity, would take away all use, or benefit of it? If you would make gold and silver as plenty as bank notes, would it be of more value? Do you take me for one that, for the sake of keeping my place, would consult a temporary popularity? I tell you that I will have no more teaching beasts to speak, sing, or whistle: no more coining money, by philosophers stones; or discoveries of perpetual motions, or any such stuff. Your philosopher may teach you to catch crabs in a new way or to open oysters; I look to what will establish the government and render it vigorous; taxation, and no borrowing from Jew brokers, like minors that have their estates in expectancy. Does the heart borrow from without; or does it not take back the blood from the extremities, which it has circulated to them? It is a cheat and deception of the people not to tell them truth——"

"Si populus vult decipi, decipiatur,"

said the Latin schoolmaster.

"No, said the governor, they shall not be deceived by me. I disregard their caucusing, and talking of taking up another candidate for governor. They may have my bog-trotter, or the visionary philosopher, when they please; and they may impeach me when out of office, or let it alone. I am at their defiance, having acted to the best of my judgment, for their true happiness. Do they take me for a coward in politics, that am afraid to touch their pockets, and apply to a philosopher's stone, even if it had the virtue of making gold, when the making gold or silver, would do more harm than good?

"You may have my bog-trotter, and welcome, for a governor; I am pretty well tired of bothering myself with him, to make use of a phrase of his own; I have had as much trouble on my hands with him as Don Quixotte had with Sancho Panza; and I cannot but acknowledge, as some say, that I have resembled Don Quixotte myself, at least in having such a bog-trotter after me; save that Sancho rode upon an ass, and this O'Regan trots on foot. But I hope I shall not be considered as resembling that Spaniard in taking a wind-mill for a giant; a common stone for a magnet that can attract, or transmute metals. It is you that are the Don Quixottes in this respect, madcaps, and some of you from the madcap settlement, Thady O'Connor and several others, tossing up your caps at every turn, for a new constitution; not considering that when a thing gets in the way of changing, it will never stop until it gets to the end of liberty, and reaches despotism, which is the bourne from whence no traveller returns. Do you take me for Jefferson? You are mistaken if you think I have so good an opinion of you. I would ill deserve your confidence if I made your whims my guide; or regarded popularity obtained in such a way. It never came into my head that because I had got the chair of government, there was a millenium about to come, when all men would do justice, and there would be no occasion for judges and lawyers; nations could be coerced by proclamations; and no war would ensue. Your philosopher's stone will stand you in little stead if an army is to be raised and a fleet supported; and without an army and a navy, are you safe within or without? Not while you live in a country where there is a water on one side and savages on the other. John Bull will come by the water, and Tecumseh by the wilderness. A navy is the safe defence of a republic where it must, or at least, will have commerce. It always rallies round the government, and not faction. I want money to support a navy and an army, and this I will have, not by a philosopher's stone, but by drawing on yourselves; and when you cannot pay, then borrow; but lay yourselves to the wheels, and see what you can do first.

"The mischief is, you have too much money, and hence it is we hear of banks in every quarter, depreciating the medium until a paper dollar comes to be an oak-leaf; and if you were to make silver as plenty, it would be the same thing. I will have none of your philosophers stones, I will put my veto on it.

"The priesthood have young John Bull, I mean New England, under complete subjection; because they alarm them with the idea that but for them, the clergy, the witches would be let loose, and carry them to the red sea. Now, I neither wish such subordination, nor by such means; but I tell you the truth, that I will resign the government, and go about my business, bog-trotting as I used to do, with some new waiter, if I should leave Teague upon your hands. I neither know nor care, but I should not be surprized, if some of you should have your necks in the guillotine, before a fortnight; (and here he gave a description of the guillotine.) This happened in the French revolution, and it will happen with you, if you give way to your reveries. I will abdicate this moment. I am off, and I would not wonder if some of you had a guillotine about your necks before the morning."

At this, descending from the stump, and making as if about to go off, a great dismay fell upon the legislative body, and the multitude without. They had a confused idea of the matter threatened, but could not well conceive what it was. Some thought it was at least a hanging matter that was come upon them; but all apprehended some bad consequence, there having been a rumour of philosophers in France having brought the nation to much suffering, by guillotines; the royal family having fallen victims to this mammoth kind of execution. They began therefore to intreat him to retain his place as governor; and even hinted at a resolution to guillotine the bog-trotter.

The visionary philosopher afraid that in this turn of the public mind, he might also be guillotined, fell in with the current of the popular opinion, and said he was for the guillotine; that he had a model of one in his pocket. It was the fact, he had a model, not in the least expecting such a result of things: or that there would be any occasion for a guillotine; but merely as the model of a machine that had been in use, at a distance, but not introduced here. I have, said he, the model of a guillotine, pulling it out, and, I take it, with the help of a carpenter or two, I could have one constructed of a proper size for the bog-trotter in the course of this evening.

Dear master, said Teague ensconcing himself behind the governor, spake to de paple and tell dem not to be after taking de head off a christian like a baste before he has time to spake. Dis is worse dan de savages wid deir tomahawks and deir scoolping knives. Let dese paple keep deir toasts and deir offices to demselves. I'll have none of dem. Better to be travelling after your honour in de woods and de bogs, and slaping in a good bed, dan to be kilt here like a shape. I'll be no governor, let dem keep it to demselves.

The governor finding that matters were likely to go too far and not liking to lose the services of the bog-trotter, though he did not much care for the visionary philosopher thought it best to moderate the passions of the people or at least divert them to some other object.

I would just observe, said the governor, that the guillotine has fallen into disrepute in France. Deportation is the modern manner of disposing of the criminal. And without much time lost, it may be perfectly convenient to carry a deportation into effect. Here is a tin cart of one of these young John Bulls; I mean one of those carts that carry tin-ware, watering-cans, and cullenders. You can make use of one of these for deportation from the country, not that I can spare my bog-trotter from digging potatoes, but here is Thady O'Connor, a loose fish, that can be put into it.

No sooner said than done; Thady O'Connor was taken up, put into the cart and obliged to leave the settlement.

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CHAPTER XIV.

INCLINATION prompts me to give some account of the locus in quo, as the lawyers say, or the place where the Governor had pitched himself; I say pitched, which is a metaphor from the pitching tents by an army. It is expected that I am to describe the situation of the hill above, and dale below; shade of tree, or falling fountain by the house. Will it not be proper that I first describe the house itself; which I do not mean to do minutely; because I have no idea that it will stand many years; but that he will get a better, as the country improves, and saw-mills erected. What can be expected from early settlers, but the choice of a situation? and every thing is not always made with the best judgment. For it is inconceivable by any one who is not acquainted with it, how little of the ground can be seen, and particularly explored, while it is under wood. The best situations will be overlooked; or, if they are seen, some less superb is chosen with a view to present convenience of water, or vicinity in some other particular. It was not such a mansion as would hurt the pride that is natural to the mind of man; and might lurk in the bosoms of other early settlers, not so well lodged themselves. I do not know that the builder had thought of the uneasiness occasioned to Valerius Publicola, by the loftiness of his dwelling on the Velian eminence. But his mind not running upon superb edifices, he had thought only of convenient accommodation. The simplicity of his taste was at a distance from every thing of shew and splendour; so that, not from the reflection of a wise precaution, but from the natural disposition of his mind, he was satisfied with a structure that could not affect the less opulent. But what it wanted in grandeur, he endeavoured to make up in taste, if that can be predicated of a building where little cost had been expended. Taste there was in having it in such a style, that it would not have occurred to any one that taste had bee thought of; for there was no ornament, nor was there room for it.— For what ornament could there be bestowed upon an oblong in the proportion of one hundred and twenty, by twenty feet; the sides and floor of hewn logs, and the roof of split timber? What was it but a suit of rooms under the same cover, divided by entries, or intervals, of ten feet transversely to the length; which had the appearance more of a range of barracks than of a farm house. The fact is, the humanity of the governor had intended it chiefly for that use, the accommodation of individual families for a night, in their emigration to a new settlement.

It stood east and west, upon a ridge of ground like a whale's back, with a stream on each side, running in a direction contrary from each other, but falling into two sister rivers on the east and west, which joined their silver currents at a small distance and in prospect of the building. As there was a suit of rooms, so there were stacks of chimneys on the north of the range, and these of stone, built strong to resist the tornados not uncommon in that country. These with a cellar underneath the whole length, walled with stone, and the timbers of the building laid half their depth in the wall, there being but one story above ground, rendered the structure pretty secure from the most violent blasts of wind.

Having given this outline, it may suffice. I shall say nothing of the subdivisions, because they may be imagined. Nor shall I describe the extent of level, or rising ground in view; or the bearing of the mountains at a distance, or the circling of the floods. What attracted my attention more, was a beautiful water-fall in one of those springs that issued from the hill on which the mansion house stood. It was a perennial stream, and issued from a crevice in a moss-covered rock, with a current of about two inches in diameter. It was as clear as crystal, and as cool as the Hebrus. The projection was in its first pitch, clear of the rock, several feet, into a bason of pure white gravel large enough to bathe in, and shrouded with a group of wild cherry trees on the sides, but above with the shade of the tulip-bearing poplar and the oak. The spring on the other side of a small dividing ridge, and towards the west, at the distance of perhaps one hundred feet, issued more abundantly, and fell from one ledge to another, but with some murmur of the current, as dissatisfied to quit the fountain. The new town, as it was yet called, stood in sight, and had begun to show two streets of houses at the confluence of the two rivers, and parallel with each, with the public buildings at equi-distance from the banks; and towards the base of the right angle which the two streets formed. I shall say nothing of the garden grounds; for these were laid out but in imagination, save as to a kitchen garden, with such vegetables and essential roots as could immediately be cultivated and were the most necessary. The collection of indigenous plants and native flowers, or sought from abroad, could be the object of a more leisurely attention at a future day. People were thinking more of cutting down trees, than of planting them, which may be a fault. For individual trees as well as groves in some places, ought to be spared in removing a wilderness. The depth of a native grove in a hot day, surpasses all description in the sensations that it gives. The power of art, with all her skill, can never equal nature. I think it a great pity that we have lost so much of the ancient mythology as respects the Sylvan deities, such of them to whom no worship was addressed, unless in the figurative language of the poet, which we still use, but do not feel, as those who believed in the existence. It inspired a tenderness to rural scenery; and in sparing shades was favourable to taste. One could tell a rustic who had no conception of the pleasures of imagination, that, if he cut down this or that group, he would have all the Dryads on his back, the Hymadryeds would come to their assistance; the Oreades would not send him storms; the Naids would order the spring that furnished water to his reapers to be dried up. But now we have no hold upon him; and much pain has it given me to see a fringe of willows by the brook, or a semi-circle of trees on the brow of a hill, entirely cut away.

Nor is it only in matters of taste, that the settlers of a new country are, in most instances, deficient. They have not the most perfect judgment in the use of the small means they usually possess, to establish themselves. I do not mean to undervalue the good intentions of public bodies, in sending missionaries among the Indians, to teach the doctrines of supralapsarian predestination; but might not other funds be constituted to assist settlers in removing and in fixing themselves in a new settlement, and to instruct them in the principle of an agriculture adapted to the soil and climate? The thoughts of a scientific man of experience in agriculture, would be a great advantage in a district of country, to advise in the making improvements. Men of public spirit, in some instances, have combined their own interest with the benefit of others, in improvements in a new country. Disputed titles are the bane of settlements in new districts. This is owing to a want of specialty in the original granting, or correctness in the laying out the lands. Would not the salus populi justify in such instances, the settling disputes in a summary manner, by commissioners? Does not such a transcendental right of government exist in all cases? It is not enough that the rind of shrubs, or wild berries, and the juice of the maple, should constitute the principal part of the food of a settler for a time; that he should put up with the shelter of bark stript from the trees, for the first summer; but after he has cleared his ground, and has raised corn, his field is taken from him by an error of the survey, or the equivocal description of an office right. The soil of a new country is wet, the air moist, the winter longer, of course, in the bosom of a wooded country; hand-mills for a time must suffice, and every man must be something of a jack of all trades. He must be a worker in iron and in leather, and in wood. Invention, as well as industry, is requisite. But the principal defect, as in all other objects of human application, is the want of original thought, to adopt new modes to new circumstances. Things are rather done in this or that way, because they have been so done elsewhere, and heretofore. For this reason, I would wish to see missionary agriculturalists sent into the country; societies instituted for the propagation of agricultural knowledge among the people, and the relief of distressed inhabitants. There might not be just as many Indians brought into the pale of the church, but there might be more churches built amongst the whites on the frontier of the country.

The establishment of churches in the frontier country is not amiss; but, on the contrary, deserves commendation, where the preachers employ themselves in explaining and inculcating the intelligible principles of moral duty; and even when they take up the time of the people in supporting or overthrowing the speculative opinions of their adversaries, it amuses the congregation. That institution is not wholly useless, which supplies amusement. It reconciles the labouring part of the community very much, to hear the rich and the luxurious denounced, as not likely to come so well off hereafter, having had their good things in this life. Cold and heat, and fatigue are better borne under these impressions; there is less murmuring in the community. In a political point of view also, religious institutions have their use. Obedience to the laws, is a Christian duty, and the support of government is favourable to that settled state of society, in which alone any system of mental cultivation can be the object of attention.

————

CHAPTER XV.

IT may not be amiss, at this stage of our history, to mention that the governor had not yet been a married man; and it was not the death of his lady that propelled him to enter on an unsettled and rambling way of life, as was the case with Sir Thomas Graham, who, to relieve his grief for the loss of a beloved wife, sallied out with a regiment of English troops against the French, to kill all that he could. It was not the loss of a dear woman, that had made the captain half mad when he set out with the bog-trotter,

"In romantic method."

But it was a cause that had some relation to it; disappointment in love. These had happened to him frequently, and from an early period. His first attachment that took a strong hold of him was about the twenty-eighth year of his age. He had taken it for granted that it was a thing of course for the maid to affect coyness, and to be won with great difficulty. And hence it was that he persevered too much and too long; and when repulsed he bore it the more hardly, because he had not expected it. The effect also was produced that in his advances to a future mistress, a very small matter discouraged him; in the same manner as a steed in a curricle, once baulked, will stick at a small impediment, and refuse to draw. For falling in love with another beauty, and learning that poetry was essentially necessary in a matter of love to a young person, he wrote verses and presented them. The lady wishing to bring him to the point, affected to consider his madrigals as a burlesque, returned them to him, telling him that she had not expected such ridicule from a gentleman of his good breeding. The poor captain, in the honesty of his heart, took her to be in earnest, and never went to see her more.

The third that he addressed; for a lapse of a long time intervened before he could muster resolution to pay his respects to any one; the third, I say, that he addressed, or rather purposed to address, was a blue-eyed beauty, with black hair and a white skin, whom he took by the hand, which trembled so that he let it go, and gave up his pretensions. The truth is, it was sensibility, and her joy in the good fortune that she had to be addressed by one whom she prized so much. He mistook it for a feeling of horror at her situation. His next campaign was with one whom his heart loved, but his reason disapproved, for she was as handsome as an angel, but as ill tempered as Jezebel. He would have married her; but he was relieved by a richer wooer, who made a present of a bread tray, and chicken coop to the mother; and having her good wishes, succeeded with the daughter so far at least as to gain her consent to matrimony.

His last attack, to speak in a military phrase, was on the heart of a young widow, who would have yielded incontinently had he pressed his advances, but her little boy calling a gentleman pappy, who gave him sweetmeats, he took it that the child had the hint from the mother, and that the other was the favoured lover. Considering the matter all over, he resolved, not as the English novelists say, upon a trip to the continent, but a journey on the continent to dissipate his ennui, and recover himself from the softer affections which had obtained the ascendant. For a change of objects diverts the mind; and going to watering places cures love, as it does the rheumatism; not that it has any other primary effect, than cheating the imagination of its reveries.

The people of the settlement had built the governor a house. The mansion of his excellency was spacious, and furnished with several large tables, and some long benches, but was deficient in one particular, a lady of the castle who might attend to household affairs, and receive company. His senate thought that he ought to marry. Having weighty reasons to oppose, he did not all at once accede to the proposition. The truth is, as we have seen he was apprehensive of a repulse.

For he had laid it down from his own experience, that as some attract women, so others repel; and there is no contending against nature. But though of great candour, he did not wish to acknowledge, or profess the real motives which led him to hesitate; but rather to evade, and raise difficulties.

The setting an example of matrimony for the sake of peopleing a new country, was suggested as an obligation upon every good citizen: and that it behooved every good man to see to it that he multiplied himself. To this he replied, that he was not so sure of the truth of that proposition. That when we saw nature using means to put people out of the world by pestilence, and earthquakes, we could not be certain that it was the will of Providence there should be more brought into it. And as it is of no consequence to such as have not yet come into life, whether they ever come at all, he did not see that those who did not come had reason to complain of those who were but the negative causes of the non-existence.

There was a subtilty in this reasoning which the people could not answer; yet they were not satisfied. It came to this at last, that he was under the necessity of explaining to them the delicacy of his situation, that it did not become him, the governor of a republic, to compel matrimony in his own case, or indeed in that of any other; and that he had no reason to suppose that in any other way, he could obtain the hand of the inamorata that he might pitch upon.

It seemed to the multitude a ridiculous idea that there could be any spinster in the colony who would refuse the hand of a man of station when offered to her. But that if there should be any one found so recreant, the voice of the people should compel an acquiescence: that the would send out through all their border, and find out a damsel for my lord, the governor, as in the case of king David, Ahasuerus, and others that are read of in the scripture times.

Appalled at all idea of constraint, he was disposed to try rather what might be accomplished by fair means. He had heard of the emigration of the Creoles from St. Domingo, which had happened about this time, being driven from their own country by the revolt of the negroes; some of these half mulattos themselves, or what are called mustachees, and not being of the fairest complexion, and pressed by great necessity, might wish to match themselves with any person for a livelihood. Or, as another expedient, he thought of sending by a trader a keg or two of whiskey to the Indian towns, to purchase a princess who could be reconciled, for a little calico, to relinquish her connections. But the people would hear of no Creole, nor savage, who would be running back like a pig that is brought from another settlement; or bringing her relations along with her, of foreign manners and attachments. They insisted on his issuing a proclamation to call in all the spinsters, and selecting one from the assembled; some Abisha, the Shinamite, or Esther; not for a concubine, for they would have no concubine; but to be the lady of his hall, in a decent manner, as became the magistrate of a Christian people.

His excellency could not reconcile it to himself to procure an assemblage of females by proclamation; as in that case one must be rejected, and another chosen, which could not but wound his own mind, as well as that of the unsuccessful candidate; and he could not marry them all, even were they so disposed; for a plurality of wives in modern times could not agree in one house, however it might have been in ancient, when women were better tempered than at present. Besides the accommodation of the country would not admit it. If he took two, some honest settler might be without one.

To obviate the delicacy of a selection, it was suggested, the procuring a number to be got together under the idea of a spinning match, a thing well known in the country, and let the best spinner take the prize; or to draw lots, as marriage is but a lottery, which would be a way of avoiding all idea of preference.

That may do, said the Governor, provided that my man, Teague O'Regan, is put out of the way, or fastened up; for if they once see him, the matter is at an end; I shall get none of them to take a chance for me.

But, all things considered, it was thought the most convenient course to do as others did; and without making any noise, to ride about the country a little to see the damsels in their hamlets and at their spinning wheels, in their virgin state and simple habiliments, with unadorned tresses.

In visiting the settlement, his excellency admired much the spinning wheel, a piece of machinery which he saw in almost every cabin. The attitude of the spinster is unquestionably finer than that of a lady, at the forte piano, or harpsichord; not altogether because it connects grace with industry, and charms imagination at the same time that it engages reason in its favour; but because the position of the body behind the instrument, and with a front view to the beholder, has a great advantage. The fact is, that a finely formed woman can be seen in no possible attitude to more advantage than at the spinning wheel. At the forte piano, at a side view, which is the best; for you cannot have a front view, but a side view only, the instrument being in front, you see but the profile of the face, and the person in an inclined posture, with the shoulder stooping, somewhat. Even the fingers, however lightly they touch the instrument, are not seen to more advantage, than those of the spinster when she draws the lint from the rock with one hand, and rests the other on her lap. I consider the Irish harp as but approaching the spinning wheel, in exhibiting the person to advantage; but independent of connecting the idea of utility, figure to yourself this simple piece of mechanism, combining the circle with the triangle in its form; the lever, the inclined plane, the axis in the principle of motion; the orders of architecture in the rounding of the pillars, from the turning loom; and white maple stained in concentric circles of bright yellow, or scarlet die; the yellow by the rind of the shumack, the scarlet by the pacoon root, gathered by the female hand from adjoining woods. The tripod of Apollo, made of ebony, may present a resemblance; but the trapezium, on which the foot rests, and puts in motion the machine, with the neat ankle and morocco slipper, is not so easily painted to the fancy. But when you raise your eye to the auburn, or golden, or hair of raven wing; with a skin milk white, and a brow of jet, and eyes of the crystal blue; when you add to this the finger of Hebe, disporting with the lint; the chest of Juno thrown back from the position; the cincture and the smile of Venus, and the vivacity and sense of Mnemosyne, you may have an idea of what I have seen of beauty, and loveliness of the use of this instrument. A woman on horseback, presents her form to advantage; but much more at the spinning wheel.

"And still she turned her spinning wheel,"

is part of an old song; and if we ever hear of the Governor being married, it is ten to one but it will be to a spinster.

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CHAPTER XVI.

WERE I to imitate the action of an epic poem, it would now be the time to give the history of the Governor, before he had set out upon his travels; deducing my narrative from his early years. His ancestry also might be touched upon; but the fact is, as I have said, I know little about him prior to the time of his setting out; and still less of his descent, and pedigree. I should be better pleased if I had it in my power to give some account of the progenitors of Teague, as being a character of greater singularity; but that is not in my power. From his ambition for eminence, I should think it very probable that his descent was noble, and from some of the old Irish kings, if the heraldry could be traced; but, in the sacking of towns, and burning of castles in the civil wars in Ireland, and foreign conquests by Danes, and by John Bull, all documents of ancestry have been lost; so that we are at liberty to imagine what we please upon this head. Philosophers dispute with each other; but the divines all agree that we all came from Adam. If the divines are right, we are all relations tag rag, and bobtail; kings, emperors, and bog-trotters. I am content to have it so; for it is a way of thinking, favourable to benevolence; and I do not know that I should gain any thing by the idea of there having been different stocks; for though I should get quit of some rascals, that have sprung from Adam, I might have others on my hand not much better. The truth is, I know nothing of my own ancestry, farther back than the year 1715, where a certain M'Donald did good service with his claymore at the battle of Killicrankey, under Dundee. He was the grand father of my father, by the maternal line. I mention him, because he is the only one I have ever heard spoken of as being a dead-doing man. My father's father, called out in a conscription of feudalists under Argyle, fell at the battle of Culloden; and this is all I know of him.

It has occurred to me sometimes, that coming from a remote island, and an obscure part of it, I might feign an ancestry with coats of arms, as others have done. The bracken, or brecken, as it is indifferently spelled by the Scottish poets, is the most beautiful ever green of that part of the island; and might furnish something towards an escutchen. The brecken is introduced by Burns, as an ornament of Caledonia.

Their groves o' sweet myrtle let foreign lands reckon,
Where bright-beaming summers exalt the perfume;
Far dearer to me yon lone glen o' green brecken,
Wi' the burn stealing under the lang yellow broom:
Far dearer to me are yon humble broom bowers,
Where the blue-bell and gowan lurk lowly unseen:
For there, lightly tripping amang the wild flowers
A listening the linnet, aft wanders my Jean.

Tho' rich is the breeze in the gay sunny vallies,
And cauld Caledonia's blast on the wave;
Their sweet-scented woodlands that skirt the proud palace
What are they? The haunt o' the tyrant and slave:
The slave's spicy forests, and gold bubbling fountains,
The brave Caledonian views wi' distain;
He wanders as free as the winds of his mountains,
Save love's willing fetters, the chains o' his Jean.

The ridge o' green brecken, would have done as well as the glen; for it grows on the ridge as well as in the valley, which is the meaning of the word glen, a narrow valley, overhung by a ridge on each side; and so lone or lonely; that is wild and romantic, by the small stream murmuring through it. This is the origin of the name breckan, or brackenridge. But I am running off at a tangent, and wandering from my subject. Having nothing to say of the ancestry of the Governor, or of that of the bog-trotter, I must omit, or rather cannot accomplish the dramatic form of the epic. We have little knowledge of his early years, and schoolboy anecdotes, nor is it perhaps of any importance.

The neighbouring country being peopled a good deal from the north of Ireland, the early teachers of youth were from thence. What were called redemptioners, or persons unable to pay for their passage, contracting to be sold in this country for what time might be necessary to raise the money, were bought for schoolmasters; or put to that employment in the summer; and in the winter to weaving, or cordwaining, or whatever other trade, or occupation, they were qualified to exercise, from the use of it in the old country. It was in this way that Greece had her first preceptors from Crete; and again, Rome from Greece. And in the same manner, letters were brought into Italy, by the emigrants after the fall of Constantinople. It was under the tuition of one of these that the Governor had been taught the first elements. The master, as he was called, had a small staff attached to a strap of leather cut into thongs; the flagellum, or whip, and ferule in the same instrument. Nor was he sparing in the use of this enforcer of discipline. For as he had not a facility of communication of ideas, it was necessary to drive more by hand; for "when the iron is blunt, you must put to more strength:" which was rendered still more necessary from the want of those introductions to spelling, by division of words into syllables, which are now in use. Thornton in his prize essay, on the facilitating early pronunciation, has shown the advantage of beginning with the consonants, to give the sounds, and letting the vowels follow. This, ba, be, instead of ab, or eb. But such nicety was not attended to by the resolute men by whom the youth of that day were initiated in the first mysteries. The conjoining, and the reaching of sounds, was less studied; the system being that of direct force. I have seen a score go through their facings on a Monday morning, by flagellation; for it was thought most advisable to whip first, and go to get their tasks afterwards.—And in proportion as the scholar was a favourite, he was the more roughly handled.

A higher grade of men of this education, and discipline, had got possession of the pulpits; the leading doctrines of which, in the mouth of some of these, were not calculated to give the most favourable impressions of the nature of the divinity.

It is of a later period, that we are indebted to this cunabula for editors of papers.

Said I, to one of these, why do you attack me, who have no ill will to you? Said he, it is not you I am attacking; it is the party. This set me a thinking; and certainly one has no more reason to be offended with a shot from one of these; for they mean nothing more personal, than with the gunner who points the battery. It is not an individual that he aims at, as individual; but as one of the squadron; the more eminent the character, the more prominent the aim; and instead of defamation, it is a compliment, to be thought worthy of a piece levelled, or the artillery directed. In the midst of abuse, this has reconciled me to the bearing it; and, in fact, in the contention of parties, the passing by a man, is a sure proof that he is insignificant.

Speaking of foreign emigration, it occurs to me to say a few words on the subject of French influence: and in doing this, I must take notice, that those who canvass this matter, do not go far enough back. It could not but have been agreeable to France, to hear of the revolt from the authority of Britain, being a rival nation; and the presumption was, that France would at least wish well to the opposition. In fact, they did wish well, and at a very early period, began to discover it in acts. If she did not openly receive our ambassadors at first, she did it privately; and under the idea of commercial arrangements by individuals, slurred supplies of ammunition, and the means of war.—French engineers and soldiers of fortune, came to serve in our armies; and young nobility, as to a military school. Even an army came in due time, when she had acknowledged our independence; and French money was distributed: many thousand French crowns were circulated. But for this we could not have carried on the war. France is certainly opposed to our giving up our independence, and returning to our obedience to Great Britain. But, be this as it may, certain it is, that the success of the French arms, at Marengo, at Jena, at Austerlitz, at Friedland, at Wagram, and other places, have obstructed our return; which may be termed an indirect French influence. I shall not pursue this train of thinking; it is enough to have given a hint. It cannot be denied, however, but that one thing the French have done for the world, the advantage of which all protestants will agree in admitting; the putting down the Pope. Nor is the prospect hopeless, but that Mahomet will be reduced; a thing remembered in the prayers of those whom we call the faithful, for a long time in Christendom.

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CHAPTER XVII.

HOW shall we account for this eternal babbling in our public bodies, which delays and confuses business? Can it be French influence? No. I have no idea that Bonaparte ever expended a single sous for the purpose of inculcating this tediousness, or loquacity. The French themselves are far from being a taciturn people; nevertheless I do not find reason to believe that it is from an imitation of the French orators, that this prolixity occurs. There was no great length of time taken up by the member of the constituent, or national assembly, when he ascended the tribune.

Some have thought that it was a proof of the hypothesis of Darwin, that men have been once magpies, and parrots. I am of opinion that it resolves itself into one of two natural causes, want of self-denial, or want of sense. I know there are babbling schools at the present time, as there were at a former period; debating societies among the manufacturers in towns and villages, as there is in Great Britain. In some of the New-England seminaries, I am told, debating and discussing questions is made a part of the academic exercises. Of this I do not approve, if the students are to take, one, one side, and another a contrary, to whet their wits; and to say what ingenuity prompts, without a reference to the truth, and a just decision of the question. It would vary the exercise, at least that, of the class each should propound a question in his turn on the science which makes the subject of his studies, and the one who explains best and forms the soundest judgment on the question, and with the greatest brevity expressed, should take the prize. I would commend brevity and truth, not the diffuse harangue, with sophism and errors. This would lay a foundation of eloquence for a legislature. Something ought to be done to correct this logomachy, or war of words, and nothing else. The vox, et preterea nihil is at all times abominable. If those of this class will speak, let them pronounce the word whippor-will a reasonable length of time, and that may suffice. Whippor-will; whippor-will; whippor-will; imitating the sound of that bird, for a quarter of an hour, might pass for a speech.—Oh, how I have wished for a gag or a muzzle, when I have seen four or five columns of a newspaper taken up with verbosity. The fact is, an amendment of the constitution would be the reducing the ratio of the representation; fewer to speak, there would be less said. Many hands make light work; but this applies to bodily labour only, where a certain object is to be accomplished; such as the removing a fence, or cutting down a wood. Fewer members would do more in a short time; and perhaps would do it better; for though in a multitude of counsellors there is safety; yet if all speak there is delay.—Could we not give a power to the chairman, or president of a deliberative body, to knock down a member, when he had seemed to trespass on the patience of the house? At any rate he might be permitted to give him a wink, or a nod, which it should be understood as a hint to have done. But there is great difficulty in breaking bad habits; and there are some whose tongues, according to the expression of the poet, speaking of a stream,

"Which runs, and runs, and ever will run on."

Things have come to such a pass, that I generally take it for granted, that the man who gives his vote, and says nothing, is the man of sense. Adonizabee, in the scripture, "had three score and ten kings, having their thumbs cut off." Why did he cut off their thumbs? It must have been to keep them from writing out their speeches. At least I have been led to think that it would be a gain to our republic if Adonizabee had our members of Congress in hands a while.

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A KEY TO THE PRECEDING.

THIS will be found in the history of the times; and especially of that of the state of Pennsylvania. And indeed, I flatter myself, that it is not a little owing to this book, published in portions, from time to time, that a very different state of things now exists. I do not believe, there has been a single bog-trotter, as I may designate them, admitted by the American Philosophical Society, for many years past; at least I have not heard of any since Oric M'Sugan, the house carpenter, who did the inside work of a stable for one of the members, and was therefore admitted.

In the winter of 1787, being then of the legislature of Pennsylvania, it was signified to me that I might be put in nomination, with several others, that were about to be balloted for, if I thought proper to skin a cat-fish, or do something that would save appearances, and justify the society in considering me a man of philosophic search, and resources. Enquiring who these might be, that had been nominated, and put upon the list, and not chusing to be of the batch, I thought proper to decline the compliment. It was this which gave rise to my idea of such a candidate as Teague O'Regan for that honour. Some time after this, when delegates were about to be chosen from the county where I resided, to frame a constitution for the United States, after the adoption of the federal government, I offered myself for this, as considering it a special occasion; but to my astonishment, and before I was aware, one of Shakespeare's characters, Snout, the bellows mender, was elected. This led me to introduce Teague as a politician.

An excise law, under the federal government, having been carried into effect; and, it being obnoxious in the western country, and excise officers tarred and feathered, as you would a sheep, or an Indian arrow, it was with no view, but to burlesque the matter, that I made Teague a gauger, or exciseman; and being a sans-culotte; which signifies,——I thought, a pair of breeches, might not be amiss of any sort.

Being in a public station from the year 1800, I had to pay the usual tax of obloquy to men in office, from Paddy from Cork, &c.; and, paying more than I thought my proportion, it was natural for me, to think of my bog-trotter, as one who would make just such an editor as some of these were. It was for this purpose, therefore, that it came into my mind, to give him a journal to edit.

It was a retrospection to a past period when a batchelor, and recollecting the competition of those whom I thought undeserving persons, that I was led to caricature their pretensions with the success of my bog-trotter. The fact is, I thought it might be of service to the young women in the choice of a husband, and save them from swindlers, who differed little from the quadruped, but in the horn and the hoof, which they had not about them.

I have had individuals in my eye, in all these matters, no doubt; but I do not name them; because they are not worth naming; nor would the subject admit it. General strictures of human nature, is all that can be expected, in these matters.

From the talents of some new editors of papers, who had never yet fleshed their maiden swords in a republic, but were from Ireland, Scotland, or England, and some that were from neither, but turf born, in this country, the press came to daggers-drawing with the law. The types disposed themselves; 1, against the judges; 2, against the law; and finally against the constitution. They got help from partisans on all sides; and these establishments were likely to be blown up. Learning was decryed; and it was no uncommon thing to hear members of the legislature thanking God "that they had never been within a college." There is now a considerable reform of the public way of thinking; candidates for state trusts begin to value themselves for having been at school and find their account in being thought able to read. If it is not as it used to be, the enquiry altogether, whether a man be a plain unlettered person; or has had a tincture of the law to poison his faculties. There is now actually a lawyer a speaker of the senate. Heretofore you might have seen caucus-holding men at their wits end for some extraordinary kind of dunce to send to the house; upon the same principle, that the philosophers dig into the earth for a mineral, a science which is called Oryctognosy; or that they look for a shell on the sea-shore, or a beetle in the woods, to send to a museum.

The enquiry now is by these caucus people in every country, not only who is honest, but, who is capable? There are said to be sixty-two new members in the present session; I cannot say whether in the two houses, or in one, the old having been left out; and this on the principle, that they had missed a figure in calculation, and read four for three dollars.

In the courts of judicature, in this state, there had always been much delay: and this, in a great degree, owing to the length of Speeches; and note-taking. What else but this book has put that down. Does any body now hear of much excess in harangues? On the contrary, there is the utmost precision of thought, and brevity of expression.

Nor has it been in forensic eloquence that there has been a curtailing, but in that of deliberative bodies. It is not from Pennsylvania, that those interminable speeches come, which we hear of on the floor of congress. Is it not to be hoped that, when my book gets a circulation beyond the state, and into other parts of the Union, a retrenchment will be perceptible in the verbosity of members from other places, and that quality will begin to be consulted, and the quantity reduced? I could wish a tax were laid upon the time taken up in a debate. Why is it that congress do not buy up an edition of my book, and distribute among the members? It would be of more use to them than the library of Monticello. If it lay with the President, I am confident he would not hesitate, had there not been so much said about the $50,000 to John Henry.

The people of Pennsylvania are so sensible of the use that it has been in this state, that there is scarcely a parlour window without a MODERN CHIVALRY. Five booksellers have made a fortune by it: for I have never asked a cent from any of them for the privilege of printing an edition, save in this last instance, where a few copies have been stipulated for the amanuensis to whom I have dictated what has been added to the work, and this for the purpose of distributing to his uncles, aunts, and first cousins, as the members of congress do the copies that are ordered to be printed, of President's messages, reports of ambassadors, &c.

I have said that I do not know that I shall write more, though I have some transactions in my mind, that I could wish to Chronicle; and characters that might be drawn.

THE END.